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Not looking for trans...
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I do get inbox messages from, mainly guys, who, when I look at their profile, don't state that they are looking for TS/TV. And I tend to ignore them, because I'm kind of uncomfortable with that.
I don't see any problems with guys being straight and liking me. In fact I quite like that. And I do appreciate that they might like transwomen, but wouldn't want to receive messages from cross dressers. Their definition of a woman might well include transwomen. Which is great.
But, it makes me wonder if their attraction to me is something they would want to hide? It seems as though there are more men attracted to transwomen than feel they can be completely open about it. When you get catcalled from a distance by a guy in a group, who then are falling over themselves to be a dickhead, take the piss and be abusive, just to prove they AREN'T attracted to you, you start to wonder if they're trying to hide something.
And sorry to go all hyperbolic on yers, but, how many transwomen do you think get murdered because some guy doesn't want the stigma of being attracted to a tranny? That's the extreme, but it comes from that stigma.
I know that there are ciswomen out there who would be put off by such a man, and they don't want that stigma. But if enough men were honest and open about it, there wouldn't be that stigma. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It would give me reason to question too.
But perhaps question them (those you like the look of) when they message and see what the response is, amongst those that are being ughhh there may be some genuine ones who possibly didn't set their profile correctly or since being on here have opened their minds and been educated and may change their profiles accordingly once they've been further educated.
Good luck OP. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It would give me reason to question too.
But perhaps question them (those you like the look of) when they message and see what the response is, amongst those that are being ughhh there may be some genuine ones who possibly didn't set their profile correctly or since being on here have opened their minds and been educated and may change their profiles accordingly once they've been further educated.
Good luck OP. "
Not that you're here to educate them, sorry wanted to be clear on that -- but sometimes life is a little give to get the take   |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
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been talking to someone about something similar tonight. i think if people stop shaming others (probably never gonna happen) then more people will be honest.
i don't think shame starts from yourself. others shame you and from there hiding things happens because shame is hard to deal with.
in this environment i feel you can mostly be yourself without shame though. and i do think when people hide things, or don't stick up for their beliefs, then yes there is a problem.
i also think sometimes it is bad to think about others thoughts, especially if you don't know them that well. but can understand sometimes why you would feel a need to do that when it comes to your own self esteem or even more so for your own protection.
dunno, kind of why i backed off from NSA myself.just don't know the person that well to know what their true intentions are or whether they respect me or not.anyone can fake thing short term, or even long term. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think you're right on the money with saying that it's due to fear of a stigma.. especially for guys, fab can be a tough place to be so people could be reluctant to advertise anything that they feel may have a detrimental impact upon their time here.
Many folk would see any interest in trans women as a reflection upon their sexuality and would immediately dismiss them out of hand.
That being said, this is just a website.. it's like social media in this aspect - everyone posts things that they feel will reflect them in a positive light and skim over the rest.
I wouldn't personally elect to judge someone purely on that. I met someone on here who has turned into a pretty awesome FWB.. and her profile blocks single males' and says she's looking for women only!
I'd be missing out if I'd decided to dismiss her based on profile alone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"been talking to someone about something similar tonight. i think if people stop shaming others (probably never gonna happen) then more people will be honest.
i don't think shame starts from yourself. others shame you and from there hiding things happens because shame is hard to deal with.
in this environment i feel you can mostly be yourself without shame though. and i do think when people hide things, or don't stick up for their beliefs, then yes there is a problem.
i also think sometimes it is bad to think about others thoughts, especially if you don't know them that well. but can understand sometimes why you would feel a need to do that when it comes to your own self esteem or even more so for your own protection.
dunno, kind of why i backed off from NSA myself.just don't know the person that well to know what their true intentions are or whether they respect me or not.anyone can fake thing short term, or even long term."
I know the forums aren't a reflection of fab necessarily, but there does seem to be a lot more shaming going on than usual. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I (Mr) have been attracted to some TVs on here however none have come close to organising a meet with me but maybe once that happens I will add that to my profile. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Millenials maybe will be able to straighten things out in the future, because there's a current generation I still argue with, and I kind of lay blame. The generation where all the racism/sexism all stemmed from. The generation who made most things we see as 'normal' illegal. I still argue with them Constantly when a hear remarks on how someone's 'not normal' if they're gay/or cross dress. People's attitudes need to change before people can become more accepting of there own opinions and likes.
It's okay to fancy another person of the same sex instead of thinking it's wrong because your parents look at you during the conversation, just like they turned the TV off during the sex scene when your were a teenager.
I was arguing over the weekend, can you tell?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Millenials maybe will be able to straighten things out in the future, because there's a current generation I still argue with, and I kind of lay blame. The generation where all the racism/sexism all stemmed from. The generation who made most things we see as 'normal' illegal. I still argue with them Constantly when a hear remarks on how someone's 'not normal' if they're gay/or cross dress. People's attitudes need to change before people can become more accepting of there own opinions and likes.
It's okay to fancy another person of the same sex instead of thinking it's wrong because your parents look at you during the conversation, just like they turned the TV off during the sex scene when your were a teenager.
I was arguing over the weekend, can you tell? "
I'm always arguing.
But I do see what you mean. I have faith in the future, but there's some pretty ignorant millenials around. Not that I care for the whole generation categorising.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Millenials maybe will be able to straighten things out in the future, because there's a current generation I still argue with, and I kind of lay blame. The generation where all the racism/sexism all stemmed from. The generation who made most things we see as 'normal' illegal. I still argue with them Constantly when a hear remarks on how someone's 'not normal' if they're gay/or cross dress. People's attitudes need to change before people can become more accepting of there own opinions and likes.
It's okay to fancy another person of the same sex instead of thinking it's wrong because your parents look at you during the conversation, just like they turned the TV off during the sex scene when your were a teenager.
I was arguing over the weekend, can you tell?
I'm always arguing.
But I do see what you mean. I have faith in the future, but there's some pretty ignorant millenials around. Not that I care for the whole generation categorising. "
I am generalising. I know. But right now, with the help of the internet and education in some schools, we might get to the point where we can be free with our choices without ridicule or judgment.
We might even get to the ooont where we do t have to even talk about it. Wow, that would be something wouldn't it?
I'm still pissed from the fact it was family who I argued with.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I confirm sider myself straight but have had (for a while, like before fab) bi desires, and there is a trans girl on here that I have a serious crush on. But until I've experimented and found out for sure my status will stay straight (albeit Fab straight)
Fuzz |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I confirm sider myself straight but have had (for a while, like before fab) bi desires, and there is a trans girl on here that I have a serious crush on. But until I've experimented and found out for sure my status will stay straight (albeit Fab straight)
Fuzz"
I for one would argue that attraction to a trans girl doesn't make you any less straight, and my guess is that the girl in question would want you to think of her like any other woman. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks for the input folks, the points people have made about trying to second guess what others are thinking is maybe a tendency of mine I need to refrain from.
"It is possible, OP, that some guys didn't realise that they could ever be attracted to a trans woman until they encountered you."
Ooh you charmer  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think its fair to say that many people from all walks of life become frustrated by scenario's involving the behaviour of other individuals but that's just part of the human condition as is whatever defines us as individuals....
We are who we are not what we are !  |
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"I do get inbox messages from, mainly guys, who, when I look at their profile, don't state that they are looking for TS/TV. And I tend to ignore them, because I'm kind of uncomfortable with that.
I don't see any problems with guys being straight and liking me. In fact I quite like that. And I do appreciate that they might like transwomen, but wouldn't want to receive messages from cross dressers. Their definition of a woman might well include transwomen. Which is great.
But, it makes me wonder if their attraction to me is something they would want to hide? It seems as though there are more men attracted to transwomen than feel they can be completely open about it. When you get catcalled from a distance by a guy in a group, who then are falling over themselves to be a dickhead, take the piss and be abusive, just to prove they AREN'T attracted to you, you start to wonder if they're trying to hide something.
And sorry to go all hyperbolic on yers, but, how many transwomen do you think get murdered because some guy doesn't want the stigma of being attracted to a tranny? That's the extreme, but it comes from that stigma.
I know that there are ciswomen out there who would be put off by such a man, and they don't want that stigma. But if enough men were honest and open about it, there wouldn't be that stigma."
Yeah I guess some people lie on there profiles, like those that state "Non-smoker" yet have pictures of them smoking on there profile?  |
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It's a similar process at work where people hide potential same gender interest on here and elsewhere - in Fab, typically to ensure they don't lower interest from the women who won't meet men who have such interest. Here and elsewhere by people who don't see their orientation in a binary way - straight or not. There are people who have sex with those that they perceive as not attractive to them : they are of interest as a vehicle for sexual fulfillment.
A lot of this reflects from men in particular who have sex ual interesting in men being regarded as of inferior value to others and society culturing shame within them.
A diversion from trans women but I think the same causes are in force. |
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People criticize and judge what they don't understand. So many people are totally wrapped up in their own little world that they are blinkered. And frightened, frightened of what they don't know, frightened of stigma, frightened of their own desires and frightened of being an "outcast"
Some... some are just plain horny, d*unk or high and more willing to do what they wouldn't normally.
Sad but true. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I confirm sider myself straight but have had (for a while, like before fab) bi desires, and there is a trans girl on here that I have a serious crush on. But until I've experimented and found out for sure my status will stay straight (albeit Fab straight)
Fuzz
I for one would argue that attraction to a trans girl doesn't make you any less straight, and my guess is that the girl in question would want you to think of her like any other woman."
Agreed, especially if they're 'convincing' (not keen on that phrase but if they look feel and behave like a girl then they're more attractive to me) but I have been attracted to men, regardless if their orientation, so what makes me potentionally bi? Being attracted to manly men or the male appendage?
Fuzz |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's a similar process at work where people hide potential same gender interest on here and elsewhere - in Fab, typically to ensure they don't lower interest from the women who won't meet men who have such interest. Here and elsewhere by people who don't see their orientation in a binary way - straight or not. There are people who have sex with those that they perceive as not attractive to them : they are of interest as a vehicle for sexual fulfillment.
A lot of this reflects from men in particular who have sex ual interesting in men being regarded as of inferior value to others and society culturing shame within them.
A diversion from trans women but I think the same causes are in force. "
Not really a diversion at all... assigning inferior value really is the eye of this storm - whether it is bi/gay men, trans* people, women that are too old/too fat/too slutty, list is long. It is about the machismo of fucking someone - something, more like! - you have no respect for. 3sum queen's post strikes a chord also - there is no way of knowing for sure how deep someone sexism goes.
OP when there's a discrepancy which rings alarm bells and it is from someone I find attractive or interesting in some way, I will write to ask directly what they think of said discrepancy, how they reconcile it in their heads. Most of the times the answer is pure BS but sometimes there is some logical reasoning or even introspection. To be fair gender ID politics is a right minefield, it is not easy for anybody to get their heads around everything (much less for people not personally affected by trans issues) so IMO it is good to test and challenge opinions as you go along.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Personally I have no sexual attraction to men or trans but everyone straight gay or bi has the right to live their life as they choose to in this day and age.
Thats my 2 pence worth on the subject. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks for the input folks, the points people have made about trying to second guess what others are thinking is maybe a tendency of mine I need to refrain from.
It is possible, OP, that some guys didn't realise that they could ever be attracted to a trans woman until they encountered you. Ooh you charmer "
I wasn't just trying to charm you but,it's possibly the case that some guys will have had an idea of what a trans woman is like and you have gone some way to destroying old stereotypes. |
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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago
Best Greggs in Cheshire East |
Taking this aeay from fab and into the wider world. This is a generalisation and i apologise for that. Its very common for a woman to describe another woman as gorgeous, attractive or sexy etc. If a man does this he's immediately called out as gay or a batty boy, arse bandit or insert any other insult that his mates might choose. Its ingrained in the male brain unfortunately. I don't see it changing anytime soon. It perhaps goes some way to explain the secretness that some guys might have on fab. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I get it but I try not to let it bother me. I don't meet guys much anymore anyway but some of them never considered meeting a tgirl when they filled out their profile. Some are ashamed to admit it but then we know the rate of LTRs in our community is inversely proportional to the murder rate, so it being on their profile doesn't make much difference to who they are. |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
•+• Access Denied •+• |
"been talking to someone about something similar tonight. i think if people stop shaming others (probably never gonna happen) then more people will be honest.
i don't think shame starts from yourself. others shame you and from there hiding things happens because shame is hard to deal with.
in this environment i feel you can mostly be yourself without shame though. and i do think when people hide things, or don't stick up for their beliefs, then yes there is a problem.
i also think sometimes it is bad to think about others thoughts, especially if you don't know them that well. but can understand sometimes why you would feel a need to do that when it comes to your own self esteem or even more so for your own protection.
dunno, kind of why i backed off from NSA myself.just don't know the person that well to know what their true intentions are or whether they respect me or not.anyone can fake thing short term, or even long term.
I know the forums aren't a reflection of fab necessarily, but there does seem to be a lot more shaming going on than usual. "
i haven't been around much lately so missed that. i remember when i first joined it was quite bad here when it came to shaming, thought it had calmed down a lot since. possible i could be immune to it by now though as well. |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
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"Thanks for the input folks, the points people have made about trying to second guess what others are thinking is maybe a tendency of mine I need to refrain from."
it's more that it's pointless when you don't know that person.
but totally understandable when it comes to your own safety and worries about that, or even for your own self esteem. |
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It's difficult to control other people's action but we can control our own.
Unfortunate (or fortunate) that our pleasure depends on the permission of others, in whatever form (religion, social norm, peer pressure, law etc) but that's life.
We create our own fortune, be it failure or success. |
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"I do get inbox messages from, mainly guys, who, when I look at their profile, don't state that they are looking for TS/TV. And I tend to ignore them, because I'm kind of uncomfortable with that.
I don't see any problems with guys being straight and liking me. In fact I quite like that. And I do appreciate that they might like transwomen, but wouldn't want to receive messages from cross dressers. Their definition of a woman might well include transwomen. Which is great.
But, it makes me wonder if their attraction to me is something they would want to hide? It seems as though there are more men attracted to transwomen than feel they can be completely open about it. When you get catcalled from a distance by a guy in a group, who then are falling over themselves to be a dickhead, take the piss and be abusive, just to prove they AREN'T attracted to you, you start to wonder if they're trying to hide something.
And sorry to go all hyperbolic on yers, but, how many transwomen do you think get murdered because some guy doesn't want the stigma of being attracted to a tranny? That's the extreme, but it comes from that stigma.
I know that there are ciswomen out there who would be put off by such a man, and they don't want that stigma. But if enough men were honest and open about it, there wouldn't be that stigma."
You make a very good point but as we all know transgender or women. Men are like public toilets either Stinky, Occupied, Not working, But mostly full of shit. They can't be honest on a profile your right you cannot predict or trust them. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It's a similar process at work where people hide potential same gender interest on here and elsewhere - in Fab, typically to ensure they don't lower interest from the women who won't meet men who have such interest. Here and elsewhere by people who don't see their orientation in a binary way - straight or not. There are people who have sex with those that they perceive as not attractive to them : they are of interest as a vehicle for sexual fulfillment.
A lot of this reflects from men in particular who have sex ual interesting in men being regarded as of inferior value to others and society culturing shame within them.
A diversion from trans women but I think the same causes are in force.
Not really a diversion at all... assigning inferior value really is the eye of this storm - whether it is bi/gay men, trans* people, women that are too old/too fat/too slutty, list is long. It is about the machismo of fucking someone - something, more like! - you have no respect for. 3sum queen's post strikes a chord also - there is no way of knowing for sure how deep someone sexism goes.
OP when there's a discrepancy which rings alarm bells and it is from someone I find attractive or interesting in some way, I will write to ask directly what they think of said discrepancy, how they reconcile it in their heads. Most of the times the answer is pure BS but sometimes there is some logical reasoning or even introspection. To be fair gender ID politics is a right minefield, it is not easy for anybody to get their heads around everything (much less for people not personally affected by trans issues) so IMO it is good to test and challenge opinions as you go along.
"
Yes, all of this.
On the word "convincing", I think a lot of trans women dislike it, we don't see it as an act. I see a few transvestites use it as a self-descriptor.
I'm glad I opened this thread, I think I can draw more sensible conclusions than just thinking to myself about it. Not bothering with anyone who's been on here ages with no verification |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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".
I know that there are ciswomen out there who would be put off by such a man, and they don't want that stigma. "
Women I've found to be far worse than men for that when it comes to having met trans people.
"But if enough men were honest and open about it, there wouldn't be that stigma."
Sadly not true at all.
There's still a huge stigma around gay people and thats pretty "mainstream".
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