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Crap Jokes !

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

What's your worst joke ?

What cheese do you use to hide a small horse ?

Mascarpone

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Ohhh, cheese jokes....

What did the cheese say when he seen himself in the mirror?

Halloumi....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What cheese can you use to entice a bear out of a tree.

Come on bear.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

How do you cut welsh cheers.

Caer philly.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

What cheese is made backwards ?

Edam

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What did the chicken cross the road?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What kind of bees can you get milk from?

Boobies!!!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"What did the chicken cross the road?"

To see his flat mate! No that's a hedgehog

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What did the chicken cross the road?

To see his flat mate! No that's a hedgehog

No. He was crossing to see the idiot on the other side.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"What did the chicken cross the road?

To see his flat mate! No that's a hedgehog

No. He was crossing to see the idiot on the other side. "

Being the Op on this I said Crap Jokes not ones we don't understand

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Soz. Okay.......Knock knock?

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By *ooner2Man over a year ago

peterborough

i like the jimmy carr joke.

where he asked his welsh mate how many partners he had had? he started counting and fell asleep

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Old Jimmy is in a nursing home and he's talking to one of the women in with him. I miss my sex life he says to her. Is there anything I can do to help she says. Well if you could just hold my dick that would be grand. No bother she replies. This continues for a couple of weeks till one night the woman sees him sitting with another woman holding his dick. She marches over and starts berating him, you filthy cheating animal she says, what's she got that I've not to which the old boy looks at her with a smile on his face and replies parkinsons

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Two pies are in an oven

One pie turns to the other and says "Hot enough for ya?" The other pies turns and says, "Holy shit! A talking pie!"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Was reading a book about the history of glue the other day.

Couldnt put it down.

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By *iscean MaleMan over a year ago

Darlaston

A man walks into a bar... and says "ouch"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"A man walks into a bar... and says "ouch"

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Hear about the blind goalkeeper? ...well, you had to hand it to him

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My window cleaner was banging on my door this morning shouting and swearing .... I thought to myself, "Fuck me, he's lost his rag".

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By *eesideMan over a year ago

margate sumwear by the sea

Nok nok ?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Who's there seaside?

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By *eesideMan over a year ago

margate sumwear by the sea

"Who's there seaside?"

Arnsar the dor and find out

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By *ty31Man over a year ago

NW London

"Why did the chicken cross the road?"

To get away from Colonel Saunders?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I was engaged to a woman with a wooden leg. But she broke it off.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Knock knock

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By *uxom redCouple over a year ago

Shrewsbury

Who's there?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Who's there? "

The chicken.

*can i go now, i waited all day for this. (If you don't get it, read from the top of the thread.)

I'm wasted here.

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By *uxom redCouple over a year ago

Shrewsbury

Why do cows have hooves?

Because they lactose

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By *thwalescplCouple over a year ago

brecon

Two fish in a tank, one turns to the other and says, "I'll drive, you fire the big gun!"

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By *eesideMan over a year ago

margate sumwear by the sea

Y do most church vickers like swish cheese ?

Cos its holey

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What do you call a judge with no fingers?

Justice Thumbs

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By *ild_oatsMan over a year ago

the land of saints & sinners

What's the difference between erotic and kinky...?

Erotic you use a feather.

Kinky you use the whole chicken.

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By *forestMan over a year ago

Enfield

What's the difference between a priest and acne?

Acne waits until your 13 before it comes on your face.....

Too much?!

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By *uxom redCouple over a year ago

Shrewsbury

"Two fish in a tank, one turns to the other and says, "I'll drive, you fire the big gun!"

I'm so stealing this.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Have you heard about the new biscuit ? Viagra Digestive,

Even if you dunk it, it will never go soft

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By *G CoupleCouple over a year ago

kent

What do you call a vicar on a motorbike?

Rev....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

How do trains eat?

With a little Choo-choo

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By *2000ManMan over a year ago

Worthing

Knock Knock

Who's There?

Roger Daltrey of The

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By *ighland gentlemanMan over a year ago

Ardgay

Why did the pervert cross the road?

He had his cock stuck in the chicken

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What's the difference between a job and a girlfriend? Job still sucks after six months

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By *ieman300Man over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

"What's the difference between a priest and acne?

Acne waits until your 13 before it comes on your face.....

Too much?! "

So wrong yet so funny

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Whats the difference between a elephant and a post box...No good sending you to post a letter then

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By *ust PeachyWoman over a year ago

Prestonish

What do you call a chicken in a shell suit?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What do you call a chicken in a shell suit?

For a moment there I felt like I had just opened a chirstmas cracker!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A lion goes into a bar and says ''I'd like a glass of white,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,wine please''

Barman says 'sure but why the big pause?'

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There was a young fella named Bjorn

who wished he had never been born.

Well,he wouldn't have been

if his father had seen

that the end of the condom was torn.

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By *ust PeachyWoman over a year ago

Prestonish

"What do you call a chicken in a shell suit?

..........

An egg!

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By *ORDERMANMan over a year ago

wrexham

Why are pirates called pirates....?

They just aaaarrrrggghhh

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By *VineMan over a year ago

The right place

Did you hear about the cannibal that passed his cousin in the woods?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

U.K. Most popular owl?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Tea towel

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By *VineMan over a year ago

The right place

Or did you hear about the cannibal that wouldn't eat clowns because they tasted funny?

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By *reakShow90Man over a year ago

Manchester/halifax

My sex life lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What is the nosiest animal in the world?

A peeking duck lol

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By *orethancurvesWoman over a year ago

Liverpool

favourite childhood bad joke.

3 men are about to be gassed to death, before they are the captain tells them they each have 1 thing they can request.

the first one asks for a bowl of water.

the 2nd one asks for 7 beautiful ladies.

the 3rd asks for a piano.

an hour later the captain comes back, the first man is dead and the bowl of water is empty.

the 2nd man is dead and so are the 7 beautiful ladies.

but the 3rd man is still alive playing the piano, when the captain asks how the prisoner says

"Tunes help u breath more easy"

don't think I could.tell that joke today tho as there not called tunes anymore I think there now soothers, but I lov3d thinking I was a comedian telling that joke.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What do you call a fat computer?

A Dell.

*awaits backlash but you have to admit its a good un

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What's your worst joke ?

What cheese do you use to hide a small horse ?

Mascarpone

"
What's yellow, and smells of bananas?...........Monkey puke

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What do you call a man with a shovel in his head?.....Doug

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Ms Myth reeled off a few on FaceTime last night although hers do require actions.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I went to the doctors and said "I have got a pain in my leg in a number of places.". Doctor replied "Don't go to those places"

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By *ty31Man over a year ago

NW London

"Why are pirates called pirates....?

They just aaaarrrrggghhh"

Where do pirates buy their clothes?

Primaaaaaarrrrrggggghhhkk

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By *ORDERMANMan over a year ago

wrexham

What socks do pirates wear?

AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH GYLE SOCKS

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By *ORDERMANMan over a year ago

wrexham

Why did the pirates hang round the carribbean...?

they liked it for the aaaaaarrrrrrggghhhh and aaaaarrrrrgggghhh

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By *ighland gentlemanMan over a year ago

Ardgay

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

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By *verysmileMan over a year ago

Canterbury

I got really emotional at the petrol station this morning; don't know why, but I just started filling up...

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By *thwalescplCouple over a year ago

brecon

"Two fish in a tank, one turns to the other and says, "I'll drive, you fire the big gun!"

I'm so stealing this. "

If you like that one, try this...

Two fish on a perch, and one says to the other "Can you smell fish?"

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By *thwalescplCouple over a year ago

brecon

I went to the doctors, and said I've got a bit of a problem, whenever I press my tummy, a musical note comes out.

He said, don't worry, its just your internal organs!

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By *thwalescplCouple over a year ago

brecon

A dog decides he needs a job to pay the bills, so he goes to the Job Centre.

When he explains what he wants, the guy goes, wow, a talking dog, I've got just the job for you, and gives him the number of a local circus.

The dog looks, and says "Why the fuck would a circus need a plumber?"

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By *onaMan over a year ago

Stockport

I heard that Tesco have started selling Viagra tea bags..... they stop your biscuits going soft

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What's worse than a cardboard box ?

.Paper tits

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By *ighland gentlemanMan over a year ago

Ardgay

What's brown and runs up your leg?

A home sick jobby.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What's ab ast_onauts favourite part of a computer

The space bar

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By *ockyjohnMan over a year ago

North West

Saw an AA man driving along crying in his van - thought to myself, he's heading for a breakdown!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What's brown and sticky?

A stick

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

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By *amslam1000Man over a year ago

willenhall

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Broken Pencil

Broken Pencil Who?

There's no Point

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why could Chewbacca never get a girlfriend?

Because he was looking for love in Alderaan places.

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By *mcouple1Couple over a year ago

nr warrington

Ordered 12 litres of tippex the other day. That was a big mistake.

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By *amslam1000Man over a year ago

willenhall

Dora the explorer in a shop.

Swiper no swiping

Swiper no swiping.

It's a fucking chip and pin machine!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why has Noddy got bells on his hat?

....

......

Because he's a cunt

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By *ighland gentlemanMan over a year ago

Ardgay

Why do elephants have big ears?

Because Noddy wouldn't pay the ransom.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why can't Barbie get pregnant?

Because Ken comes in a different box

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The chap who wrote the Hokey Kokey died last week.

The Undertakers were having a terrible time getting him into the coffin.

Everything was going fine until they put his left leg in, and it all went downhill from there

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If you're ever attacked by a gang of clowns, go for the juggler.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Just found out the energiser bunny's been arrested...

He was charged with battery

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By *rozacMan over a year ago

london

[Removed by poster at 27/06/17 01:19:45]

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By *rozacMan over a year ago

london

Bolloxed up that one.

TAKE 2:

What's brown and rhymes with snoop?

Dr. Dre

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By *ighland gentlemanMan over a year ago

Ardgay

What's brown and hides in a cupboard?

The diarrhoea of Anne Frank.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What do you call a man with a shovel in his head?.....Doug"

What do you call a man without a shovel in his head??

,,,,,Douglas

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By *ORDERMANMan over a year ago

wrexham

what do you call a guy standing under a bridge ?

Arch

What do you call a guy with no hair standing under a bridge

Archibald

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By *ORDERMANMan over a year ago

wrexham

How many surrealist's does it take to change a light bulb....?

A fish !!

Some will love this one

Why does it take 10 women with PMT to change a light bulb...?

IT JU8T DOES OK !!!!

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By *bjones1000Man over a year ago

exeter

What do you call someone who used to like tractors, but no longer does....

An extractor fan

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What do you call a guy who's had his motor stolen?

Carlos.

What do you call a guy made of brown paper?

Russell.

How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?

Who cares?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Did you hear about the man with five cocks?

His pants fit like glove

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison?

You can't wash your hands in a buffalo.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why do bagpipers walk when they play?

To get away from the noise.

What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you throw a set of bagpipes in a skip and they don't touch the sides.

What's the difference between bagpipes and an accordian?

Bagpipes burn better.

What are bagpipes good for?

Setting fire to an accordian.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I've just eaten 7 yoghurts and feeling Mullered

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By *ubSirVient-DefinitionCouple over a year ago

dukinfield

Dunno if you think it's shit. I got told this when I was seven and I still laugh at it today...

Why do girls wear make-up and perfume?

Cos they're ugly and smell like pooh!

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By *ubSirVient-DefinitionCouple over a year ago

dukinfield

"What's the difference between a priest and acne?

Acne waits until your 13 before it comes on your face.....

Too much?! "

Take a fucking bow son!!! Excellent Work!

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By *ighland gentlemanMan over a year ago

Ardgay

Why do bees have sticky hair?

Because they use a honeycomb

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