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Forum etiquette
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What are people's thoughts on messaging someone privately after reading there post in the forum ?
I've had some nice chats but I've had one reply that she didn't ask to be messaged privately
My thoughts were it's a good way as you've seen something you like with there soh etc etc
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I very rarely PM someone from a thread. It is usually on a sensitive issue, and usually something I feel I don't want to publicly announce to all on a forum. Vague reply I know, but so far, nobody has taken offence to my PM's. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
Think it depends on the message and the person to be honest - I've ended up chatting to a lot of people that way (either by my initiating it or them), although generally only once I'm confident enough to know that it'd be appreciated and not necessarily seen it as an 'angle'  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It'll vary by person.
I rarely do it, but if it's a person I've spoken to before I might drop a note on a rare occasion privately if it's better placed than in the public forum.
You have to respect people's views - if they're ok with a PM all good, if, like in this instance, they've advised they prefer not to be PM'ed about forum posts then politely respect their wishes going forward.
I tend to use it sparingly, not as a standard way to initiate convo with everyone in the forums.
Out of interest do you only do this with women or anyone who posts in the forums? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Depends. If its a genuine conversation about something fine. If its a stupid attempt to get my attention when they could of written.it on the forums its not fine"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have no issue with it and often chat to people who aren't on my friends list.
I see it as almost like a normal social situation. You're in a group, not knowing everyone but then someone says something that resonates with you and you both have a little mini chat about it.
No difference for me here either.
But we're not all the same. Some might not appreciate it. |
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"It'll vary by person.
I rarely do it, but if it's a person I've spoken to before I might drop a note on a rare occasion privately if it's better placed than in the public forum.
You have to respect people's views - if they're ok with a PM all good, if, like in this instance, they've advised they prefer not to be PM'ed about forum posts then politely respect their wishes going forward.
I tend to use it sparingly, not as a standard way to initiate convo with everyone in the forums.
Out of interest do you only do this with women or anyone who posts in the forums? "
Only women and not very often, it's when they make a comment which makes me smile so I look at there profile and if I like them and if it there criteria of age interests etc I on them with a hi, I love your soh and then lead into a polite message the same as I would if I found them in a search if that makes sense ?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I almost never message anyone unless they message me first these days. That way I can be pretty sure they'd like a reply, unless it's abusive or unsolicited crap. In those cases, I assume the block button is their preferred response  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It'll vary by person.
I rarely do it, but if it's a person I've spoken to before I might drop a note on a rare occasion privately if it's better placed than in the public forum.
You have to respect people's views - if they're ok with a PM all good, if, like in this instance, they've advised they prefer not to be PM'ed about forum posts then politely respect their wishes going forward.
I tend to use it sparingly, not as a standard way to initiate convo with everyone in the forums.
Out of interest do you only do this with women or anyone who posts in the forums?
Only women and not very often, it's when they make a comment which makes me smile so I look at there profile and if I like them and if it there criteria of age interests etc I on them with a hi, I love your soh and then lead into a polite message the same as I would if I found them in a search if that makes sense ?
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I personally, would find that inappropriate. You are using the forum, as a form of introduction. As women, we often get it. Eg, comment on a man who asks if women like long hair on men...A pm arrives in your box...here I am, wanna meet....
That's me personally, not having a pop at you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't particularly like the PM off a forum thread behaviour. I use the forums to discuss, and leave the conversations there when I want.
In particular, I don't like when people use it to take opposing discussions or arguments to your inbox, I think that's poor form and intrusive. Choosing to participate in a discussion on the forum where posts are visible to all is, for want of a better word, 'safer' and 'less' likely to feel abusive -- for if it goes that way there's more camaraderie from other posters, and moderators about immediately to dilute the interaction. I would never take an argument to PM, but have been on the receiving end of this, from both posters in the forum and lurkers choosing this method to make their disagreements known when they wouldn't on a thread.
If it's something positive, then that's less of an issue and I'd acknowledge it, however it can be hard to do so and then have the person not see it as an 'in' to continue PM-ing. And more often than not I'd prefer the comment to have been made on the forum thread where I'm publicly interacting rather than feeling drawn off from the group and cornered into just having the one conversation.
From the forum, I PM with those I've built up an interaction with publicly and want to continue talking with and getting to know. I mostly delete without reading PM messages that aren't in that vein.
But as with anything, everyone's different. I don't expect people to know how I use the site, so I will say. It's when people get upset/angry/personally wounded, particularly after I've explained, because my use doesn't meet their expectations or how they want me to act that it's an eyeball roll  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It'll vary by person.
I rarely do it, but if it's a person I've spoken to before I might drop a note on a rare occasion privately if it's better placed than in the public forum.
You have to respect people's views - if they're ok with a PM all good, if, like in this instance, they've advised they prefer not to be PM'ed about forum posts then politely respect their wishes going forward.
I tend to use it sparingly, not as a standard way to initiate convo with everyone in the forums.
Out of interest do you only do this with women or anyone who posts in the forums?
Only women and not very often, it's when they make a comment which makes me smile so I look at there profile and if I like them and if it there criteria of age interests etc I on them with a hi, I love your soh and then lead into a polite message the same as I would if I found them in a search if that makes sense ?
I personally, would find that inappropriate. You are using the forum, as a form of introduction. As women, we often get it. Eg, comment on a man who asks if women like long hair on men...A pm arrives in your box...here I am, wanna meet....
That's me personally, not having a pop at you "
I'd find it inappropriate if it was a 'wanna meet' message.
If it was just to chat about what you'd been talking about and your conversation was getting lost in the huge amounts of posts... all good.
There's a world of difference between the two. |
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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago
Bristol |
If it's advice or they've asked a direct question via the forums and it's not something I want to share publicly then yes, I will PM. Or if I want to respond but we've already had a bit of thread banter - I don't want to monopolise a thread to do so since I also see that as bad etiquette. |
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As others said it depends why they message,if its a genuine chat thats great.I havent had any abusive messages from posts,but sometimes if i have offered profile advice on a thread people have then messaged afterwards.Its a bit annoying when they seem to want you to write their profiles etc for them.
Miss |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"
Only women and not very often, it's when they make a comment which makes me smile so I look at there profile and if I like them and if it there criteria of age interests etc I on them with a hi, I love your soh and then lead into a polite message the same as I would if I found them in a search if that makes sense ?
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You see that comes across as an excuse to mail the person in the hope of a meet rather than about something they have written on the forum, which is fine of course if the person is happy to receive the mail in the hope of a meet too and obviously some people like that, but there are plenty about who will think you have an ulterior motive |
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"It'll vary by person.
I rarely do it, but if it's a person I've spoken to before I might drop a note on a rare occasion privately if it's better placed than in the public forum.
You have to respect people's views - if they're ok with a PM all good, if, like in this instance, they've advised they prefer not to be PM'ed about forum posts then politely respect their wishes going forward.
I tend to use it sparingly, not as a standard way to initiate convo with everyone in the forums.
Out of interest do you only do this with women or anyone who posts in the forums?
Only women and not very often, it's when they make a comment which makes me smile so I look at there profile and if I like them and if it there criteria of age interests etc I on them with a hi, I love your soh and then lead into a polite message the same as I would if I found them in a search if that makes sense ?
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I wouldn't appreciate a message like that. I do message privately in response to forum posts, usually if what I want to say is something personal that I don't want to share with the whole world or i think some degree of discretion would be appropriate.
I have no problem with anyone else messaging in the same way however to just use it as an angle to get a chat I don't like and I would probably delete it just like I do with the many "meet now?" messages
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If you just want to introduce yourself then go via their profile and introduce yourself as you would with anyone else, if you want to chat because of the topic then you could always ask in the forum if they mind you sending a PM |
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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago
Paisley |
I've sent and received messages as a result of forum posts.
Some to give support or advice privately, I've been thanked and complimented. I've shared my experience privately as I don't want it in a forum post but feel that's relevant to the person.
I've never had any negative responses.
I've had some lovely conversations as a result.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If they do it expecting sex chat or pic swap it doesn't go down well with me. I stopped participating in a lot of threads because some people think it means open house for meeting them or sending pics and sexual chat. It's quite off putting at times. |
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I sometimes get messages that could have just been posted as a reply in the forum. I do tend to think that the person has just hit the reply privately button by mistake.
I always reply but stop after I answer about two questions.
I have double standards based on looks, humour and wealth. |
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I really don't mind and would be a complete hypocrite if I did, I do it all the time. What annoys me is if it's a deliberate ploy to engineer a meet. That won't end well as I become defensive and has recently ended in me being blocked. Which is regretful but I don't handle being caught off guard well  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What are people's thoughts on messaging someone privately after reading there post in the forum ?
I've had some nice chats but I've had one reply that she didn't ask to be messaged privately
My thoughts were it's a good way as you've seen something you like with there soh etc etc
"
Don't really mind it ourselves but had some creepy mails from a guy about a thread we started yesterday. Really creepy
King |
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I've usually only replied to someone directly through the forum, and only really received private mail as a result of a forum discussion. I've never used the forum as an indirect way to seek out a sexual partner (I'm out of everyone's travel range anyway), just use the forum for general banter and public cheekiness. Some people get me, some don't, I'll still be here tomorrow either way |
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"What are people's thoughts on messaging someone privately after reading there post in the forum ?
I've had some nice chats but I've had one reply that she didn't ask to be messaged privately
My thoughts were it's a good way as you've seen something you like with there soh etc etc
"
If it's to add to a comment I made but to answer in the forum would take the thread off track, fair enough. If it's to arrange a meet I'd ignore as my profile is hidden for a reason. |
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"It'll vary by person.
I rarely do it, but if it's a person I've spoken to before I might drop a note on a rare occasion privately if it's better placed than in the public forum.
You have to respect people's views - if they're ok with a PM all good, if, like in this instance, they've advised they prefer not to be PM'ed about forum posts then politely respect their wishes going forward.
I tend to use it sparingly, not as a standard way to initiate convo with everyone in the forums.
Out of interest do you only do this with women or anyone who posts in the forums?
Only women and not very often, it's when they make a comment which makes me smile so I look at there profile and if I like them and if it there criteria of age interests etc I on them with a hi, I love your soh and then lead into a polite message the same as I would if I found them in a search if that makes sense ?
"
Your example are the types of messages I ignore. |
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"If it's advice or they've asked a direct question via the forums and it's not something I want to share publicly then yes, I will PM. Or if I want to respond but we've already had a bit of thread banter - I don't want to monopolise a thread to do so since I also see that as bad etiquette. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If it's a chat up attempt usually from the male half of a then I block.. apart from that I've had some good chats ..prefer to keep forum in the forum tho |
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"I had a couple of meets with a lass who messaged me regarding a forum post. Its an ice breaker in my opinion."
That's the way I looked at it mate, guess some do and some don't
Pleased it worked for you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It'll vary by person.
I rarely do it, but if it's a person I've spoken to before I might drop a note on a rare occasion privately if it's better placed than in the public forum.
You have to respect people's views - if they're ok with a PM all good, if, like in this instance, they've advised they prefer not to be PM'ed about forum posts then politely respect their wishes going forward.
I tend to use it sparingly, not as a standard way to initiate convo with everyone in the forums.
Out of interest do you only do this with women or anyone who posts in the forums?
Only women and not very often, it's when they make a comment which makes me smile so I look at there profile and if I like them and if it there criteria of age interests etc I on them with a hi, I love your soh and then lead into a polite message the same as I would if I found them in a search if that makes sense ?
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If it was in that context then I wouldn't appreciate it.
They're a forum person which means I've already noticed them and not messaged them myself, I've said something funny on the forum and they like my sense of humour, great, respond on the thread where I made my funny comment then.
Pm's off forum people make me feel awkward because I tend to ignore all mail but have a sense of obligation to respond when it's a fellow forumite. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If it's not encouraged/considered acceptable by the site I figure the Reply Privately option wouldn't be there. I would rarely do so but as others have said if I can expand further on a comment or would rather not openly share something bearing in mind the forum is freely available I might use it.
We've had messages on the back of comments, sometimes a bit of a tangent so presume they didn't want to derail the thread, or they've looked at our profile and seen something specific they are interested in. I don't mind either but have also had PMs that really should have been a reply on the thread, find that a bit odd. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Depends. If its a genuine conversation about something fine. If its a stupid attempt to get my attention when they could of written.it on the forums its not fine"
I've had this. Then the guy turned nasty when I didn't respond. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ive built up friendships with people where we have started talking about things one of us have said on a thread. Some are people where flirting is kinda off the cards, they are true friends and enjoy our conversations.
I dont really mind the messages if they're relevant! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've got chatting to some nice folk from personal replies to a forum post. I don't mind it, so long as it's not used to get around filters or to tell me what a cockwomble i am, then happy days |
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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago
.. |
I don't mind people messaging me privately as a result of something on a thread as long as they're not using it as a 'way in'. It's not a short cut to a meet.
Sometimes threads can become very confrontational and I don't like that and I'm not comfortable with it. I am happy to discuss my point but I'm not bickering on a public forum. It's fair to say this has only happened on one occasion when I felt like I needed to defend someone but usually I steer clear of those types of threads. In this instance, I asked to discuss my point privately and we did, so no biggy there.
I would just respect someone's wishes, if they want to keep it public, fair enough. |
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It would be nice if you could choose whether or not to receive messages from forum posts.
Like my recent thread about porn you watch, but wouldn't do. We got quite a few PMs. Not quite sure why people don't want to share in thread anyway ... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have blocked people who thought it was ok to message me off a post in the forums before now, more because they obviously didn't agree with what id said and I didn't fancy arguing with them...
obviously threads like FPF invite people to respond privately so that doesn't bother me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I wouldn't generally, unless I think I've inadvertently offended someone in order to apologise.( I know I can be a little terse or intolerant when I've had little sleep through work).
The forums are for public discussion, and replies are generally meant to be in there, but there's no real harm to reply privately if it's not continuous? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've had a few messages because of forum posts but the people haven't posted on the thread so it confuses me at first until I realise they're referring to a forum post of mine  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've had a few messages because of forum posts but the people haven't posted on the thread so it confuses me at first until I realise they're referring to a forum post of mine
Oi missus, faf  "
Sorry, I'm washing my hair  |
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"I've had a few messages because of forum posts but the people haven't posted on the thread so it confuses me at first until I realise they're referring to a forum post of mine
Oi missus, faf
Sorry, I'm washing my hair "
Hurry up then, I'll even splash on a bit of Brut De Fabergé Cologne Spray  |
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