FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Fab standards vs real life standards
Fab standards vs real life standards
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Do any of you girls/ guys get messages from people on here and when they attach a face pic you realise its someone who already rejected you in some form on another site ... either by swiping left on tinder or not replying to your message on pof?
Whats your thoughts on it?
I am very much of the opinion that if you didnt like my face before then you dont get to change your stance now that you know i have some sexy undies and a couple of kinks
I have had someone contact me along these lines today and the sender thinks I am being pretty harsh (i did just delete the first message but explained after he was persistent)
For me it smacks of the old good enough to fuck but not to be seen with in public thing that often comes up when people talk about fab standards vs real life standards and I dont want to lower myself to be someones "only god enough for a fuck"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sort of. A woman on here told me I wasn't her type, then a month later she winks me and starts talking about getting together.
But apart from that no, not that I'm aware of |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Your final sentence summed it up. On here you're essentially a fuck. Someone to drop their knickers easily and spread their legs (or so many will think!)
On the other sites you're a date. An investment in time and effort. Too much like hard work.
That's why there's always lots of whiney 'why can't I get a meet' threads on here - some people think a fuck should come easy with minimal effort.
In my experience it doesn't work like that!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How can you know someone swiped you left on tinder 
If someone has showed up multiple times and you never had a match those are pretty good odds "
What if someone shows up mutiple times and I've swiped left on them?
Does that mean they matched me but I keep rejecting them? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think it's perfectly fine to look for one thing for dating and another for some fun."
But when you say "one thing" what you mean is one kind of person ... and given tinder only shows your pictures and nothing more about you what it boils down to is one face for dating and one face for fucking and on the face for fucking people are not so fussy
Its that bit i object to and would make me feel that kind of meet was degrading for me |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"How can you know someone swiped you left on tinder
If someone has showed up multiple times and you never had a match those are pretty good odds
What if someone shows up mutiple times and I've swiped left on them?
Does that mean they matched me but I keep rejecting them?"
No it means they keep resetting / deleting their profile and starting again |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think it's perfectly fine to look for one thing for dating and another for some fun.
But when you say "one thing" what you mean is one kind of person ... and given tinder only shows your pictures and nothing more about you what it boils down to is one face for dating and one face for fucking and on the face for fucking people are not so fussy
Its that bit i object to and would make me feel that kind of meet was degrading for me "
Yeah, I see what you mean in the context of Tinder as opposed to dating sites as a whole.
You're probably right, but I think sometimes people have an idealised picture of what they are after on dating sites which often doesn't translate to the real world. |
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You have to be realistic. People are on here looking for sex with no strings, if you aren't then you need to be aware that others might feel differently.
For instance I'm very well aware that the 35 year old or younger guys who want to meet us wouldn't want to take me on a date. To be fair I wouldn't want to go if they did. We want the same as them...a sexual connection, nothing more. I don't think any less of them or myself because of that. |
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"You have to be realistic. People are on here looking for sex with no strings, if you aren't then you need to be aware that others might feel differently.
For instance I'm very well aware that the 35 year old or younger guys who want to meet us wouldn't want to take me on a date. To be fair I wouldn't want to go if they did. We want the same as them...a sexual connection, nothing more. I don't think any less of them or myself because of that. "
Pretty much sums up how I view the site. It's fantasy. |
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We're here to have fun. We meet people who we think are nice enough looking and we will have fun with on the meet. We aren't going to spend the rest of our lives with them or go on a joint beauty contest, I'm sure they apply the same criteria to us... |
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"You have to be realistic. People are on here looking for sex with no strings, if you aren't then you need to be aware that others might feel differently.
For instance I'm very well aware that the 35 year old or younger guys who want to meet us wouldn't want to take me on a date. To be fair I wouldn't want to go if they did. We want the same as them...a sexual connection, nothing more. I don't think any less of them or myself because of that.
Pretty much sums up how I view the site. It's fantasy."
It is for you and I but I think its difficult for (some) women to think of themselves as sexual beings without some sort of deeper commitment from a guy however transient. I have to admit though that if I ever found myself on a dating site and a guy rejected me he wouldn't be getting anywhere near me on fab, simply because I'm stubborn like that  , no second chances here. |
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Tastes and interests change, as do our own ways of presenting ourselves (assuming we don't use the same old pics and profile texts everywhere).
People also mature physically, plus psychologically - a younger self may not have been right then but a more mature self is.
And a public social meet can ensure that you're acceptable public company - heck, you can even become a little affectionate.
We have different selves too - a professional, friendship, sexual and romantic engagement with others that typically differs.
I leave the past behind unless someone has wronged me such that I don't trust them. But this would typically be something major for me. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You have to be realistic. People are on here looking for sex with no strings, if you aren't then you need to be aware that others might feel differently.
For instance I'm very well aware that the 35 year old or younger guys who want to meet us wouldn't want to take me on a date. To be fair I wouldn't want to go if they did. We want the same as them...a sexual connection, nothing more. I don't think any less of them or myself because of that. "
I havent indicated at any point that i expect any strings from a fab meet.
In what way is it not realistic to think that I only want to sleep with people that find me attractive and I also find them attractive? I don't think being on fab should mean you have to reduce yourself to any less than that
I also think as a couple you have a slightly different perspective given that you wont at any point be looking for dates on a dating site or otherwise ... you already have that at home ... so the chance of you coming across someone on fab who you know did not find you attractive elsewhere in life is very slim ... you are also referring to younger guys who you seem to think would not be in your normal dating pool if you were single which is a bit different from my situation but I guess I never really explained it was people of a similar age range
Maybe i just over simplify it in my head but my taste in men is my taste in men no matter where I meet them or for what purpose... While I have had meets that have just been a fuck and nothing more in the commitment sense I would never have a meet that was just a fuck in the "I just need laid I dont care what he looks like" sense |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think its difficult for (some) women to think of themselves as sexual beings without some sort of deeper commitment from a guy however transient. "
I have to disagree ... for me its nothing to do with commitment and everything to do with respect... more so respect for myself than respect from the guy I guess |
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"You have to be realistic. People are on here looking for sex with no strings, if you aren't then you need to be aware that others might feel differently.
For instance I'm very well aware that the 35 year old or younger guys who want to meet us wouldn't want to take me on a date. To be fair I wouldn't want to go if they did. We want the same as them...a sexual connection, nothing more. I don't think any less of them or myself because of that.
I havent indicated at any point that i expect any strings from a fab meet.
In what way is it not realistic to think that I only want to sleep with people that find me attractive and I also find them attractive? I don't think being on fab should mean you have to reduce yourself to any less than that
I also think as a couple you have a slightly different perspective given that you wont at any point be looking for dates on a dating site or otherwise ... you already have that at home ... so the chance of you coming across someone on fab who you know did not find you attractive elsewhere in life is very slim ... you are also referring to younger guys who you seem to think would not be in your normal dating pool if you were single which is a bit different from my situation but I guess I never really explained it was people of a similar age range
Maybe i just over simplify it in my head but my taste in men is my taste in men no matter where I meet them or for what purpose... While I have had meets that have just been a fuck and nothing more in the commitment sense I would never have a meet that was just a fuck in the "I just need laid I dont care what he looks like" sense "
You might be over reading what they meant. I don't think they mean people shouldn't care what meets look like, the same as you don't.
But, they are talking about meets for one off fun, being a different set of criteria to dates. You might have exactly the same criteria for the two things. I don't think they meant it in a negative way towards your original point. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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You are probably right but the scenario from today was someone who only had pictures available as selection criteria in both situations ... there hadnt been any prior chat on either site ... so to me that has to be based on nothing but pure attraction
The only noteable difference is my dating profiles don't have lingerie pictures
However the guy thought i was unfair to write him off on here because he wrote me off on my face elsewhere |
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"You are probably right but the scenario from today was someone who only had pictures available as selection criteria in both situations ... there hadnt been any prior chat on either site ... so to me that has to be based on nothing but pure attraction
The only noteable difference is my dating profiles don't have lingerie pictures
However the guy thought i was unfair to write him off on here because he wrote me off on my face elsewhere "
The difficulty with the typed word in a forum....
As you describe it, you should sack him off. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've never used any of the dating apps, been with G a long time, but from my limited knowledge of them I can totally understand your viewpoint. I think I'd feel the same, if my pic and bio on there didn't make you want to try and find out a little more you're not going to get the chance just because you change your mind when you see me in lingerie.
We like to be sociable with people we meet on here and if you wouldn't do that if we crossed paths elsewhere then too bad. I assume people on dating sites don't expect everyone they meet to be The One and expect to be sociable and get to know people before deciding if more is on the cards so not like you go into meeting people on either expecting strings and commitment (at least not straight away) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have have emails I have sent deleted with no response only to meet them face to face in a club. On the occasion that this happened she didn't recognise me why would she with all the mail she would get.
Am I mad? Hell no.
Did we fuck? Hell yes.
That is why as a single guy I have most of my repeat meets for face to face interaction in clubs. |
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"You have to be realistic. People are on here looking for sex with no strings, if you aren't then you need to be aware that others might feel differently.
For instance I'm very well aware that the 35 year old or younger guys who want to meet us wouldn't want to take me on a date. To be fair I wouldn't want to go if they did. We want the same as them...a sexual connection, nothing more. I don't think any less of them or myself because of that.
I havent indicated at any point that i expect any strings from a fab meet.
In what way is it not realistic to think that I only want to sleep with people that find me attractive and I also find them attractive? I don't think being on fab should mean you have to reduce yourself to any less than that
I also think as a couple you have a slightly different perspective given that you wont at any point be looking for dates on a dating site or otherwise ... you already have that at home ... so the chance of you coming across someone on fab who you know did not find you attractive elsewhere in life is very slim ... you are also referring to younger guys who you seem to think would not be in your normal dating pool if you were single which is a bit different from my situation but I guess I never really explained it was people of a similar age range
Maybe i just over simplify it in my head but my taste in men is my taste in men no matter where I meet them or for what purpose... While I have had meets that have just been a fuck and nothing more in the commitment sense I would never have a meet that was just a fuck in the "I just need laid I dont care what he looks like" sense "
I'm just putting forward my perspective which although different to yours is still valid. I don't think you're unrealistic to want to find the people you have sex with attractive I do too. I do however think we all need to be realistic about the expectations and motives of the people we meet and be aware that if we find them distasteful to us that we have the choice of passing them by.
I do however think that its realistic to assume that some guys will find a woman more attractive in lingerie than in day wear.
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"You have to be realistic. People are on here looking for sex with no strings, if you aren't then you need to be aware that others might feel differently.
For instance I'm very well aware that the 35 year old or younger guys who want to meet us wouldn't want to take me on a date. To be fair I wouldn't want to go if they did. We want the same as them...a sexual connection, nothing more. I don't think any less of them or myself because of that.
I havent indicated at any point that i expect any strings from a fab meet.
In what way is it not realistic to think that I only want to sleep with people that find me attractive and I also find them attractive? I don't think being on fab should mean you have to reduce yourself to any less than that
I also think as a couple you have a slightly different perspective given that you wont at any point be looking for dates on a dating site or otherwise ... you already have that at home ... so the chance of you coming across someone on fab who you know did not find you attractive elsewhere in life is very slim ... you are also referring to younger guys who you seem to think would not be in your normal dating pool if you were single which is a bit different from my situation but I guess I never really explained it was people of a similar age range
Maybe i just over simplify it in my head but my taste in men is my taste in men no matter where I meet them or for what purpose... While I have had meets that have just been a fuck and nothing more in the commitment sense I would never have a meet that was just a fuck in the "I just need laid I dont care what he looks like" sense
You might be over reading what they meant. I don't think they mean people shouldn't care what meets look like, the same as you don't.
But, they are talking about meets for one off fun, being a different set of criteria to dates. You might have exactly the same criteria for the two things. I don't think they meant it in a negative way towards your original point."
You got it!  |
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I don't use any of those other fap apps, I'm fab faithful 
And if they act like a dick then they are probably a dick... missed yer chance
I've had couples do that on here and I'm just like... sorry you acted like a weirdo once before.. move along.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Isn't this summed up by the phrase 'Id fuck you but wouldn't want to date you'?
Its interesting that, three or four years ago, calling this place a 'sex site' would have triggered a mass riot! |
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"Isn't this summed up by the phrase 'Id fuck you but wouldn't want to date you'?
Its interesting that, three or four years ago, calling this place a 'sex site' would have triggered a mass riot!"
Those aren't necessarily linked. It is supposed to be a swingers site. Having sex with someone who you wouldn't date doesn't make someone not a swinger, and it doesn't therefore make it just a sex site. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Isn't this summed up by the phrase 'Id fuck you but wouldn't want to date you'?
Its interesting that, three or four years ago, calling this place a 'sex site' would have triggered a mass riot!"
It could be ... but then it might imply i was trying to date someone from fab which i wasnt
This was more someone like myself looking for casual sex on here buy would look for proper dates elsewhere ... they decided my face fits one of those options but not the other |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
I'm just putting forward my perspective which although different to yours is still valid. I don't think you're unrealistic to want to find the people you have sex with attractive I do too. I do however think we all need to be realistic about the expectations and motives of the people we meet and be aware that if we find them distasteful to us that we have the choice of passing them by.
I do however think that its realistic to assume that some guys will find a woman more attractive in lingerie than in day wear.
"
I haven't said your opinion wasnt balid so apologies if it seemed like that ... i just disagreed, said why i think your situation is different and asked why you thought i was being unrealistic
I do think you give guys (fair enough not all) more credit than they are due though by thinking that they find us more attractive when they see the underwear shots
My personal experience is it tends more often to be a case of "I'm horny so now you will do" ... even outwith fab you hear guys say things like shes not my type but i would shag her cause shes filthy type of thing and then write it off as lad banter |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Isn't this summed up by the phrase 'Id fuck you but wouldn't want to date you'?
Its interesting that, three or four years ago, calling this place a 'sex site' would have triggered a mass riot!
Those aren't necessarily linked. It is supposed to be a swingers site. Having sex with someone who you wouldn't date doesn't make someone not a swinger, and it doesn't therefore make it just a sex site."
Apologies, they weren't meant to necessarily be linked, just two observations from the posts.
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"
I'm just putting forward my perspective which although different to yours is still valid. I don't think you're unrealistic to want to find the people you have sex with attractive I do too. I do however think we all need to be realistic about the expectations and motives of the people we meet and be aware that if we find them distasteful to us that we have the choice of passing them by.
I do however think that its realistic to assume that some guys will find a woman more attractive in lingerie than in day wear.
I haven't said your opinion wasnt balid so apologies if it seemed like that ... i just disagreed, said why i think your situation is different and asked why you thought i was being unrealistic
I do think you give guys (fair enough not all) more credit than they are due though by thinking that they find us more attractive when they see the underwear shots
My personal experience is it tends more often to be a case of "I'm horny so now you will do" ... even outwith fab you hear guys say things like shes not my type but i would shag her cause shes filthy type of thing and then write it off as lad banter "
No apologies necessary
I think you're right about some guys. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do any of you girls/ guys get messages from people on here and when they attach a face pic you realise its someone who already rejected you in some form on another site ... either by swiping left on tinder or not replying to your message on pof?
Whats your thoughts on it?
I am very much of the opinion that if you didnt like my face before then you dont get to change your stance now that you know i have some sexy undies and a couple of kinks
I have had someone contact me along these lines today and the sender thinks I am being pretty harsh (i did just delete the first message but explained after he was persistent)
For me it smacks of the old good enough to fuck but not to be seen with in public thing that often comes up when people talk about fab standards vs real life standards and I dont want to lower myself to be someones "only god enough for a fuck"
"
I have always said guys will fuck anything that moves if it's got a hole it will get a compliment a lot of the girls on here think they are models and full of them selfs after a few hours on here. |
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"Do any of you girls/ guys get messages from people on here and when they attach a face pic you realise its someone who already rejected you in some form on another site ... either by swiping left on tinder or not replying to your message on pof?
Whats your thoughts on it?
I am very much of the opinion that if you didnt like my face before then you dont get to change your stance now that you know i have some sexy undies and a couple of kinks
I have had someone contact me along these lines today and the sender thinks I am being pretty harsh (i did just delete the first message but explained after he was persistent)
For me it smacks of the old good enough to fuck but not to be seen with in public thing that often comes up when people talk about fab standards vs real life standards and I dont want to lower myself to be someones "only god enough for a fuck"
I have always said guys will fuck anything that moves if it's got a hole it will get a compliment a lot of the girls on here think they are models and full of them selfs after a few hours on here."
I think the same can be said for lots of men on here. Guys who wouldn't approach a woman 'in real life' imagine they can get something on here. My standards don't change ... |
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"
I have always said guys will fuck anything that moves if it's got a hole it will get a compliment a lot of the girls on here think they are models and full of them selfs after a few hours on here."
You're trying to make a good first impression in the forums I see from your posts today.... |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"
I have always said guys will fuck anything that moves if it's got a hole it will get a compliment a lot of the girls on here think they are models and full of them selfs after a few hours on here.
You're trying to make a good first impression in the forums I see from your posts today...."
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"I have have emails I have sent deleted with no response only to meet them face to face in a club. On the occasion that this happened she didn't recognise me why would she with all the mail she would get.
Am I mad? Hell no.
Did we fuck? Hell yes.
That is why as a single guy I have most of my repeat meets for face to face interaction in clubs. "
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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
"Do any of you girls/ guys get messages from people on here and when they attach a face pic you realise its someone who already rejected you in some form on another site ... either by swiping left on tinder or not replying to your message on pof?
Whats your thoughts on it?
I am very much of the opinion that if you didnt like my face before then you dont get to change your stance now that you know i have some sexy undies and a couple of kinks
I have had someone contact me along these lines today and the sender thinks I am being pretty harsh (i did just delete the first message but explained after he was persistent)
For me it smacks of the old good enough to fuck but not to be seen with in public thing that often comes up when people talk about fab standards vs real life standards and I dont want to lower myself to be someones "only god enough for a fuck"
I have always said guys will fuck anything that moves if it's got a hole it will get a compliment a lot of the girls on here think they are models and full of them selfs after a few hours on here."
And a lot of men think they are good looking  |
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"You have to be realistic. People are on here looking for sex with no strings, if you aren't then you need to be aware that others might feel differently.
For instance I'm very well aware that the 35 year old or younger guys who want to meet us wouldn't want to take me on a date. To be fair I wouldn't want to go if they did. We want the same as them...a sexual connection, nothing more. I don't think any less of them or myself because of that.
I havent indicated at any point that i expect any strings from a fab meet.
In what way is it not realistic to think that I only want to sleep with people that find me attractive and I also find them attractive? I don't think being on fab should mean you have to reduce yourself to any less than that
I also think as a couple you have a slightly different perspective given that you wont at any point be looking for dates on a dating site or otherwise ... you already have that at home ... so the chance of you coming across someone on fab who you know did not find you attractive elsewhere in life is very slim ... you are also referring to younger guys who you seem to think would not be in your normal dating pool if you were single which is a bit different from my situation but I guess I never really explained it was people of a similar age range
Maybe i just over simplify it in my head but my taste in men is my taste in men no matter where I meet them or for what purpose... While I have had meets that have just been a fuck and nothing more in the commitment sense I would never have a meet that was just a fuck in the "I just need laid I dont care what he looks like" sense
You might be over reading what they meant. I don't think they mean people shouldn't care what meets look like, the same as you don't.
But, they are talking about meets for one off fun, being a different set of criteria to dates. You might have exactly the same criteria for the two things. I don't think they meant it in a negative way towards your original point."
That's how I interpreted it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
I have always said guys will fuck anything that moves if it's got a hole it will get a compliment a lot of the girls on here think they are models and full of them selfs after a few hours on here."
I think it can go the way you described or the opposite effect tbh ... more than just taking a compliment with a pinch of salt i actually take them all on here to be "bullshit lines to get laid" for want of a better phrase... it then becomes hard to find anything believable or genuine in compliments you get anywhere in life because all the fake stuff told to you on here to try get a meet numbs you to those kind of comments |
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