FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Cake vs Princess Peach EPIC RAP BATTLE!!! - The Main Event
Cake vs Princess Peach EPIC RAP BATTLE!!! - The Main Event
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Here it is, the main event!
The rules are
1. 12 lines each and we take it turns till one gives up (must obviously contain rhymes)
2. The rest of the forumites must vote which one they liked the best, most votes wins
3. Me and peach have come to the agreement that because she is a single woman and hot commodity and there are plenty of forum warriors, she won't hold it against anyone who votes against her
4. Insults to the max, but no threats against the other as this will result in disqualification
Remember, vote for the rhymes and not the person
As a gentleman, I will be letting Princess Peach go first
LETS GET READY TO RUMBLE!!!! |
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What's that you say cake boy
The challenge is on
Just give up already
This battle is won
My tongue's like a sword
And yours is like jelly
And as for your cock
It's like Farmer Giles welly
Covered in rubber
And smothered in shit
Now get back in your armchair
You got jumpers to knit |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Hang on, make room, hold tight, coming through.
My rhymes aren't the best but I'll make do.
This rap debut will give you a preview of why Peach will need a tissue.
Got an issue? We'll go head to head just give me the rendezvous.
Princess Peach thinks she can put me out to ruin?
she's so outdated, she should be Princess Prune!
While shes drinking cheap champagne in the local Weatherspoon,
I'll be swimming in a lagoon in Cameroon from hign noon to the full moon.
Lets see what she can come back with, it won't be much.
Her heads spinning so much it will come out double dutch.
I'll probably have time to fix a clutch, or build a rabbit hutch.
So when you've got something good, get in touch.
|
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So there's really no chance
That you're gonna give in
You'll continue this battle
That you'll never win
You can call me a prune
You can say that I'm old
Do I sound like I'm worried
Pffft don't be so bold
If that's really your best
You should run for the hills
Don't forget your tampax
And oestrogen pills |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Well look at you making tampax jokes and speaking smack,
you was gone so long we thought you had an asthma attack,
if you want to quit its not too soon to backtrack
Because once I'm done I'll hang you on the towel rack.
.
But well done, Miss Peach, good rhymes.
For a minute their I thought i was passed my prime.
You may win me once, but two times? three times?
I don't think so not in my life time.
.
You need to slow down now you're nearly forty,
you are no longer the sporty shorty,
like an old lady you're getting warty,
I'd say your almost as old as a grandfathers pianoforte |
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"Well look at you making tampax jokes and speaking smack,
you was gone so long we thought you had an asthma attack,
if you want to quit its not too soon to backtrack
Because once I'm done I'll hang you on the towel rack.
.
But well done, Miss Peach, good rhymes.
For a minute their I thought i was passed my prime.
You may win me once, but two times? three times?
I don't think so not in my life time.
.
You need to slow down now you're nearly forty,
you are no longer the sporty shorty,
like an old lady you're getting warty,
I'd say your almost as old as a grandfathers pianoforte"
Oh  |
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That's brave of you cake boy
But when will you learn
Your words do not hurt me
Your "rhymes" do not burn
You think you're a smart arse
All big and all clever
I've not much to say
Except "whatever Trevor"
You really don't phase me
My feelings in tact
Yes I'm nearly 40
But I'm winning this....FACT |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Sit down you bore let me lay down the law,
I'll lay it out like the treaty of warsaw,
You maybe a hero but that "whatever trevor" will be your downfall
I'm such a "smart arse" ill make you an outcast even your dog won't give you his paw
.
First off who messages you saying "fancy a fuck"?
Probably a blind man just trying his luck,
afterall he doesn't know you look like the back of a dump truck,
or that you was repeatadily hit in the face with a hockey puck.
.
We know that you're just jealous because I'm on top,
I'm in a florist shop buying a bouquet for bunnyhop,
while your at a truck stop sucking a pre-op's lollypop,
I'm going to end this round with a gang sign and a mic drop! |
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"Sit down you bore let me lay down the law,
I'll lay it out like the treaty of warsaw,
You maybe a hero but that "whatever trevor" will be your downfall
I'm such a "smart arse" ill make you an outcast even your dog won't give you his paw
.
First off who messages you saying "fancy a fuck"?
Probably a blind man just trying his luck,
afterall he doesn't know you look like the back of a dump truck,
or that you was repeatadily hit in the face with a hockey puck.
.
We know that you're just jealous because I'm on top,
I'm in a florist shop buying a bouquet for bunnyhop,
while your at a truck stop sucking a pre-op's lollypop,
I'm going to end this round with a gang sign and a mic drop!"
 |
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What's up there cake boy
Are you starting to flake?
I hear a wobbly voice
Bottom lip start to shake
You're 30 years old
And have 3 published veri
You're a baby at best
Only just popped your cherry
And who in the fuck
Wears their clothes in the shower?
Do you think you're He-Man
Yelling "I have the power" |
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"And as for your cock
It's like Farmer Giles welly
Covered in rubber
And smothered in shit
Now get back in your armchair
You got jumpers to knit"
"she's so outdated, she should be Princess Prune!"
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
It seems my ryhmes are slipping I'm losing imagination,
I need to rise above this written communication with levitation,
I refuse to lose to an older generation with a secondary education,
Enough of the flirtation heres the start of the next altercation.
.
You talk about me like you're something legendary,
but we all know you lay like a sack of spuds when in the missionary,
to me you're nothing exciting you're no luminary,
if you don't know what that means read a dictionary you can get one from the
library.
.
Some may like you petal but not me you're nothing special,
you're not even fit enough to fill my kettle,
don't give me a handjob I'll shine my own metal,
and as for oral I'd rather lick a nettle. |
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Is this for real?
Are you still going
You're piss poor mate
You're words ain't flowing
If I were you
I'd call it a day
I reckon you've turned
You be caught the "ghey"
So hang your head
You're embarrassing yourself
The time has come
To get back on the shelf |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"*...lick a nettle*
Dude is off da chain.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to write and think when you're laughing at stuff like that. I'm dying "
We're both giggling like morons here. You guys are LEGENDS! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Were supposed to be winging this but you've been preparing behind my back,
cheating like a hustler whos bad at blackjack,
I would of spent more time cleaning my dental plaque,
but for that you would probably need an axe swinging lumberjack.
.
You're not looking for a quick fuck but what else you going to get?
no one has looked at you for more than 5 minutes as of yet,
we could put you in a government circus and pay off the national debt,
I'd rather shag my own arse with a sideways clarinet.
.
I think its clear this time I'm the winner,
Go sit in the corner and play with your fidget spinner,
I can't believe this you was worse than a beginner,
Have fun being all alone with your TV dinner! |
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By *workoutMan
over a year ago
Cradley Heath |
*steps in like a rap battle host*
Mad props to cake, that dudes dropping bars, gonna leave his opponent with emotional scars but the battle ain't over what you bringin peach? Don't give up now victory is still within reach.
*fades into the background* |
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As for licking a nettle
It has to be said
You're slightly unhinged
A bit thick in the head
I'm thinking that you must
Live with your mother
Locked away in your room
With your "right hand lover"
Fucking yourself
With a clarinet
Well... let's be honest
It's the best you will get |
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"*steps in like a rap battle host*
Mad props to cake, that dudes dropping bars, gonna leave his opponent with emotional scars but the battle ain't over what you bringin peach? Don't give up now victory is still within reach.
*fades into the background*"
Hiyaaaaaa |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Some of these rhymes I don't know where you are coming from,
I honestly think I'm rapping against a mouldy plum,
To help concentration try some chewing gum,
maybe then you'll sound more intelligent than pond scum.
.
Seriously you should be embarrassed,
I cringed less when I saw you bare-assed,
You look cheaper than a row of council houses terraced,
the sick rhymes im spitting are definitely the rarest.
.
You should give up now you're not doing so well,
It's only a matter of time before I think up a bombshell.
After this I'll walk around with the Nobel,
you'll have to stick to walking on eggshells. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Sit down you bore let me lay down the law,
I'll lay it out like the treaty of warsaw,
You maybe a hero but that "whatever trevor" will be your downfall
I'm such a "smart arse" ill make you an outcast even your dog won't give you his paw
.
First off who messages you saying "fancy a fuck"?
Probably a blind man just trying his luck,
afterall he doesn't know you look like the back of a dump truck,
or that you was repeatadily hit in the face with a hockey puck.
.
We know that you're just jealous because I'm on top,
I'm in a florist shop buying a bouquet for bunnyhop,
while your at a truck stop sucking a pre-op's lollypop,
I'm going to end this round with a gang sign and a mic drop!"
And I'll give you a  |
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So you think you've got the skills
to challenge me to a rap
When your profile's full of shit
And your pictures are crap
You may have 3 veri's
But just one's from a meet
I get more offers than you
Just by crossing the street
That meet that you had you
Told your mum you'd be home late
Rumour says you met a dude
Are you sure you're not "fab straight" |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
I'm cool calm collected waiting for the checkmate,
you're jumping around like you're dancing on a hot plate,
after this your next shag you'll have to inflate
and I'll be enjoying myself with my multiple hotdates
.
Just give up now and just go home,
you are seriously as boring as a metronome I'd rather eat styrofoam,
to see me coming you'll need a radar dome,
but even then you'll be as shocked and still as a garden gnome
.
Sooner or later you'll have to sat fuck it,
and your forfiet will be to lick my hairy arm pit
so give it up and just submit,
its ether that or be the child you are and throw a fit |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
You're body is getting old and so is your brain,
I'll keep throwing these lyrics like water in the rain,
some more intellegance you will need to obtain,
Or i'll just put you down again and again,
.
I'm sorry to say peach but your anus needs bleach,
I'd it for you but I don't think I could reach,
My ryhmes are better they're are a natural part of my speech,
your ryhmes are old and heard of like the popes preach
.
instead of rhymes you should worry about your wrinkle,
and your eyes as they no longer twinkle,
your face is starting to look like tin foil crinkle,
I'll give you time to think of your next rhymes as I need to tinkle |
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Rather eat Styrofoam?
You already do
With your hand on your cock
While you're sniffing some glue
And lick your armpit
As the loser of this
I think not crumb boy
You'll be drinking my piss
I looked at your pics
And my retinas burned
When you were conceived
The semen had turned  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Bringing someone else into this a whole another level,
I think it's time I made you spin like the tasmanian devil,
I hear you suck like a miniture dust devil,
it's time I brought my A-game and let people revel.
.
You talk about her but at least she gets sex,
I wouldn't touch you wearing 17 durex,
I'd probably think about it in exchange for you yearly paycheck,
but then again I don't want herpes simplex
.
You say your retinas would burn but they got cataracts long ago,
Maybe someones glasses you'll have to borrow,
You'll probably do well mixing in with the drug addicts of Glasgow,
But even they would think your looks are only so-so |
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"Rather eat Styrofoam?
You already do
With your hand on your cock
While you're sniffing some glue
And lick your armpit
As the loser of this
I think not crumb boy
You'll be drinking my piss
I looked at your pics
And my retinas burned
When you were conceived
The semen had turned "
fantastic retort
use this line i beg
the best part of you
ran down your mothers leg  |
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I'll give you credit
For princess prune
Other than that
You're just a buffoon
You're A bomb was average
A giggle at best
Does your mum know she has
More hair than you on her chest
I may have been naughty
And used another
To bring you down but...
You didn't deny she's your lover |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
It seems youre running out of things to say about me so why not run on,
I'm playing a game here as serious as Ghangas Khan,
But in this game of chess you're nothing but a pawn,
and if I didn't know better I'd say your in drag and you're really hulk hogan
.
You can't insult me I'm just too care free,
I can't be insulted be you you look like you fell out of a fig tree,
and landed on a race track and run over by the drivers of the grand prix,
honestly you'd be more suited wearing a packer and growing a goatee
.
It doesn't bother me you talking about my mum,
she's a better woman than you are you're just a woman from the slum,
I pay more tax than you're worth on my income
I value you lower than a piece of pavement chewing gum |
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Ok guys I'm out. I over stepped the mark by using part of somebody's name. I thought it was risky using part of it but as I didn't use the whole thing I thought it would be ok.
Didn't want to offend anyone except cake boy of course. So, I'll declare him the winner before I whinge that it's unfair n shit
Good job cake boy.
Sorry I spolied the fun guys. |
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No losers in this epic rap battle
You can both declare yourselves king of the castle,
You dissed each other in classic freestyle
Making this thread 100% worthwhile
Now get together as that's what people do on fab
As you both have more chemistry then then a crackheads meth lab
|
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By *workoutMan
over a year ago
Cradley Heath |
"Ok guys I'm out. I over stepped the mark by using part of somebody's name. I thought it was risky using part of it but as I didn't use the whole thing I thought it would be ok.
Didn't want to offend anyone except cake boy of course. So, I'll declare him the winner before I whinge that it's unfair n shit
Good job cake boy.
Sorry I spolied the fun guys. "
I'm in a florist shop buying a bouquet for bunnyhop,
Erm, this wasn't mentioned? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I still think you're the winner Peach but massive congratulations to both. It was truly epic and I think people will discuss it for months if not years to come! Be proud xxs |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Ok guys I'm out. I over stepped the mark by using part of somebody's name. I thought it was risky using part of it but as I didn't use the whole thing I thought it would be ok.
Didn't want to offend anyone except cake boy of course. So, I'll declare him the winner before I whinge that it's unfair n shit
Good job cake boy.
Sorry I spolied the fun guys.
I'm in a florist shop buying a bouquet for bunnyhop,
Erm, this wasn't mentioned?"
Different context. And I asked her for permission first |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Bump.
Are you limbering up again, or is this in anticipation for "Thread Of The Year"?
There are peeps that haven't seen it. Hell yeah I'm reminding people of the wonder that was! "
Holy fuck that He-Man line just killed me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
It’s a pity I missed this
What a pair of amateurs!
You’re rhymes were contrived
And both look like nutters
With nothing better to do
Than rap loads of shit
Waving words like a cock
shaken after a piss.
And cakey’s now UNLoS
Who gives a shit?
I would, but I don’t
want to look like a tit.
|
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"It’s a pity I missed this
What a pair of amateurs!
You’re rhymes were contrived
And both look like nutters
With nothing better to do
Than rap loads of shit
Waving words like a cock
shaken after a piss.
And cakey’s now UNLoS
Who gives a shit?
I would, but I don’t
want to look like a tit.
"
Come on now Doc
You know you're just sad
That I battled Cakey
And not you dear lad
As for giving a shit
We all know you do
Whilst browsing on fab
Arse stuck to the loo
Our rhymes may have sucked
But we had a ball
When me n cake fucked
Our rhymes we'd recall
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Rhymes while fucking
Had you nothing better to do?
I’d rather post pics of my cock
With a log in the loo.
And why’s my arse
stuck to that loo?
Your piss flaps left a mess
Like super glue.
And if you’re wondering
Why I won’t fuck it.
It won’t touch the sides
If one the size of a bucket
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Shameless bump, reminding Princess Peach how fucking brilliant she is.
Thank you, I really am arent I.
Yes, you are.  
B x"
Was that the voice I gave you? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I've noticed a certain fapping Prince getting a little personal recently (in the most hilarious way)
I'm thinking he may be brewing up for round 2?
P"
Sit down and know your place |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I've noticed a certain fapping Prince getting a little personal recently (in the most hilarious way)
I'm thinking he may be brewing up for round 2?
P
Sit down and know your place "
Is that a yes?
P |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I've noticed a certain fapping Prince getting a little personal recently (in the most hilarious way)
I'm thinking he may be brewing up for round 2?
P
Sit down and know your place
Is that a yes?
P"
Any time. No cheating this time though.
Getting someone else to write your lyrics  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I've noticed a certain fapping Prince getting a little personal recently (in the most hilarious way)
I'm thinking he may be brewing up for round 2?
P
Sit down and know your place
Is that a yes?
P
Any time. No cheating this time though.
Getting someone else to write your lyrics "
are you gonna cheat?
Can we agree that if we're gonna pre-write, we both pre-write and not just one person while I scurry around trying to write off my head with tears of laughter rolling down my face barely able to see let alone think and type?
P |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I've noticed a certain fapping Prince getting a little personal recently (in the most hilarious way)
I'm thinking he may be brewing up for round 2?
P
Sit down and know your place
Is that a yes?
P
Any time. No cheating this time though.
Getting someone else to write your lyrics
are you gonna cheat?
Can we agree that if we're gonna pre-write, we both pre-write and not just one person while I scurry around trying to write off my head with tears of laughter rolling down my face barely able to see let alone think and type?
P"
I can agree to that.
I have a lot of free time over Christmas where as you're working pretty much solid |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I've noticed a certain fapping Prince getting a little personal recently (in the most hilarious way)
I'm thinking he may be brewing up for round 2?
P
Sit down and know your place
Is that a yes?
P
Any time. No cheating this time though.
Getting someone else to write your lyrics
are you gonna cheat?
Can we agree that if we're gonna pre-write, we both pre-write and not just one person while I scurry around trying to write off my head with tears of laughter rolling down my face barely able to see let alone think and type?
P
I can agree to that.
I have a lot of free time over Christmas where as you're working pretty much solid"
12 lines
5 mins time limit
The fapping prince V Exquisite deviance
P |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I've noticed a certain fapping Prince getting a little personal recently (in the most hilarious way)
I'm thinking he may be brewing up for round 2?
P
Sit down and know your place
Is that a yes?
P
Any time. No cheating this time though.
Getting someone else to write your lyrics
are you gonna cheat?
Can we agree that if we're gonna pre-write, we both pre-write and not just one person while I scurry around trying to write off my head with tears of laughter rolling down my face barely able to see let alone think and type?
P
I can agree to that.
I have a lot of free time over Christmas where as you're working pretty much solid
12 lines
5 mins time limit
The fapping prince V Exquisite deviance
P"
Bring it on Prune! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I've noticed a certain fapping Prince getting a little personal recently (in the most hilarious way)
I'm thinking he may be brewing up for round 2?
P
Sit down and know your place
Is that a yes?
P
Any time. No cheating this time though.
Getting someone else to write your lyrics
are you gonna cheat?
Can we agree that if we're gonna pre-write, we both pre-write and not just one person while I scurry around trying to write off my head with tears of laughter rolling down my face barely able to see let alone think and type?
P
I can agree to that.
I have a lot of free time over Christmas where as you're working pretty much solid
12 lines
5 mins time limit
The fapping prince V Exquisite deviance
P
Bring it on Prune!"
See! You totally did
P |
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