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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So I've just come out of a relationship that lasted 21 years, which basically petered out as we're living our own seperatly lives, the affection and spark had gone and we found we no longer had much to talk about. My question is how soon is too soon to start dating again or at least mention I'm seeing people on here, which I've just started doing? |
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Mention to who?
Guesd it depends really. Sounds as if although the relationship was for a long time it was over long before you both accepted it so you may be further along the process than others for whom the break up is a shock. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You're a free agent now, no need to run your ex partners face in it but no need to keep it secret either. Just say " I'm seeing people, hope you're cool with that"
Good luck"
Yeah I guess only mention it if I have to, she's still in pieces about it despite the relationship being stagnant for over two years. But like you say I'm a free agent now. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Mention to who?
Guesd it depends really. Sounds as if although the relationship was for a long time it was over long before you both accepted it so you may be further along the process than others for whom the break up is a shock. "
My ex, she's still in a bit of a state over it ?? I ended things a couple of weeks ago, as I was a point where I felt I needed to move on. I didn't want to get to the point where I really felt the need to see people behind her back. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OP, i get a feeling that you two are still living under the same roof; am I correct? If so, then the relationship doesn't, to me, seem all that finished
Let me ask you this? Could you bring a woman to your home?
- Mrs. J - |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Mention to who?
Guesd it depends really. Sounds as if although the relationship was for a long time it was over long before you both accepted it so you may be further along the process than others for whom the break up is a shock.
My ex, she's still in a bit of a state over it ?? I ended things a couple of weeks ago, as I was a point where I felt I needed to move on. I didn't want to get to the point where I really felt the need to see people behind her back. "
Do you need to tell her?
My ex husband rang me at work to tell me he was going on a date. I said why do you feel the need to tell me then hung up. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"OP, i get a feeling that you two are still living under the same roof; am I correct? If so, then the relationship doesn't, to me, seem all that finished
Let me ask you this? Could you bring a woman to your home?
- Mrs. J -"
No I moved out straight away, I'm temporarily living with my parents, however I do have a son with my ex that I look after when my ex works night shifts |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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For everyone's sake I'm trying to keep things on good terms, so as not to be too awkward for my son. My parents split up when I was a similar age and the constant arguing was hell |
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I was married for 20 years and after we split I had a year to myself before thinking of anything but me and my boys, however once I decided what I wanted to do it wasn't anyone else's business tbh, he didn't need to know I was seeing people and I had no interest in what he was up to, so take time if you want to it jump straight in, it's up to you at the end of the day  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OP, i get a feeling that you two are still living under the same roof; am I correct? If so, then the relationship doesn't, to me, seem all that finished
Let me ask you this? Could you bring a woman to your home?
- Mrs. J -
No I moved out straight away, I'm temporarily living with my parents, however I do have a son with my ex that I look after when my ex works night shifts"
OK, thanks for clarifying
I don't owe anything to my ex-boyfriend. I didn't even bother telling him that I am now in a permanent relationship. Firstly, because it is none of his business; secondly, because it might seem like gloating as he is still single
I don't think you owe telling her anything
- Mrs. J - |
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These situations are always difficult during their adjustment period, if she really is as upset about the separation as you say, I don't think that, unless you know she's moved on, that the news won't be an hard pill to swallow
I know you likely won't want to feel like your rubbing her face in it by mentioning your dating so soon but at the same time it may help her to accept that things are over and to move on quicker herself |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When my marriage ended under very different circumstances it took me over six months to consider dating again. Some say it was too soon but it was right for me. So it's whenever you feel the time is right. But if she's devestated by it, just be a bit respectful of her and no rubbing it in her face. X |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"When my marriage ended under very different circumstances it took me over six months to consider dating again. Some say it was too soon but it was right for me. So it's whenever you feel the time is right. But if she's devestated by it, just be a bit respectful of her and no rubbing it in her face. X "
Yeah I'm trying to a aid rubbing her face in it, that's the last thing I want to do, despite being no love there any more, I do want to keep things civilised |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"These situations are always difficult during their adjustment period, if she really is as upset about the separation as you say, I don't think that, unless you know she's moved on, that the news won't be an hard pill to swallow
I know you likely won't want to feel like your rubbing her face in it by mentioning your dating so soon but at the same time it may help her to accept that things are over and to move on quicker herself "
That's a really interesting perspective, like I say I don't want to rub her nose in it but at the same time we both need to move on, probably her more than me as I had been looking to end things for a long time before breaking up. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Mention to who?
Guesd it depends really. Sounds as if although the relationship was for a long time it was over long before you both accepted it so you may be further along the process than others for whom the break up is a shock.
My ex, she's still in a bit of a state over it ?? I ended things a couple of weeks ago, as I was a point where I felt I needed to move on. I didn't want to get to the point where I really felt the need to see people behind her back. "
Her state of mind shouldn't be your concern now. Harsh sounding I know but I had a mate who was in the same boat and when he left she was in almost mourning even tho most of the problem was hers.
He went back and five years later she's still making his life a misery. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You don't have to tell her anything about what you do on here. If you start dating and she asks, tell her the truth. My ex didn't tell me he was seeing someone and I wouldn't tell him. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You've moved out, you're moving on.
How fast you move is up to you not her.
Well technically more up to how fast you can arrange a meet as a single male who can't accommodate! "
Well I had a meet Friday and it got me thinking about all this. But like some of you have already said,mew are separated now it is none of her business. I think perhaps I should just carry on on then, going to meets and if I get seen by her then, that's her problem not mine. |
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