FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > dumpng men advice, plz.
dumpng men advice, plz.
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By *orum Troll OP Woman
over a year ago
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it's not about the guys you don't even know and can ignore (i know that's a bug bear but this topic isn't about that at all). it's not about people you've had relationships with, usually it's easy to hate them or be bored and things end naturally and it's easy to tell them why.
it's about the guy who seem genuine, seem nice, haven't given you any bullshit, who you started making plans with, but you don't know them that well so can't go into depth about why you don't wanna meet them again. how do you dump them?
i just did this last night but don't feel i did it well tbh, and it took me 3 days to figure out what to send. i wasn't horrible and tried to be nice about and he took it well, just feel like i was crap at doing it.
i'm more open to starting to try to make connections but obviously not all will be suitable so now i need to learn how to end them as well.
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By *orum Troll OP Woman
over a year ago
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"Just be honest with them,and tell them how it is.At least everything is straight in your own mind."
yeah i did be honest. probably i'm over thinking it, just felt like he deserved more (just not from me maybe). |
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By *orum Troll OP Woman
over a year ago
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i know you're not allowed to post the message itself but it went along the lines of what i needed and how i didn't think he could give me that. i know he's a nice guy and would be perfect for someone else.
i do wonder if i ended it prematurely as well and that's why i'm having doubts, it's done now anyway.
but yes i'm over thinking.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In my experience of being dumped it's usually a case of being told I'm taking it too seriously.
Laying in bed with the woman who I later married and she said things were getting serious. Expecting to get dumped imminently I said not at all I was just using her for sex, only to then be told she'd fallen for me.  |
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By *orum Troll OP Woman
over a year ago
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"If he took it ok OP then you have nothing to over think about....."
yeah, he didn't push for anything else but nice guys don't. and i still feel bad.
i'm not used to making bonds with people and def not used to genuinely nice and honest men on here (no offence to anyone who is and i fucked off anyway but i never got to properly know/interact with many people on fab really) so it's weird. also i have changed a lot since i first joined i think, down to how i have interacted with people, so partly to blame as well. |
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By *orum Troll OP Woman
over a year ago
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"In my experience of being dumped it's usually a case of being told I'm taking it too seriously.
Laying in bed with the woman who I later married and she said things were getting serious. Expecting to get dumped imminently I said not at all I was just using her for sex, only to then be told she'd fallen for me. "
that's part of the problem, hardly anyone does get serious with me (and the few who have have lied to me so i was like meh, i don't need to explain anything to a liar), i struggle to even make genuine friends here but feel that is this environment, who it attracts and what they want and not down to me mostly.
least yours seems to have an uncomplicated and happy ending.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i know you're not allowed to post the message itself but it went along the lines of what i needed and how i didn't think he could give me that. i know he's a nice guy and would be perfect for someone else.
i do wonder if i ended it prematurely as well and that's why i'm having doubts, it's done now anyway.
but yes i'm over thinking. "
You've done the right thing not stringing him along though. Sounds like you were nice about it. I usually get "it's not you it's me".  Then confusion reigns for months while I try to figure out what I really did and how I fucked it up. (As you know!)
He'll be fine. Just being honest is good. I know I'd rather someone said they don't want to see me anymore rather than just 'never being available to meet'. |
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Well op. Now your having a taste of what the decent guys of fab are like so hope it restores your faith.
Do you think maybe you didnt give it long enough to see if anything developed.
I think there are two types of people quick spark and slow burners. I fall into the latter.
As for telling someone you dont want to see them again. Just say something simple, nice but to the point.
How many times did you see this guy just once? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Do what i do with the ladies and say they had a lucky escape and you're not good enough for them, it makes them feel better about the fact i don't really wont to shag them and saves them being broken hearted probably work on guys to.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's not an easy thing for anybody to do. I now just try to be polite and honest when ending a friendship. I've made mistakes in the past by not giving an explanation, which I think people appreciate rather than the block button. If he accepted your explanation, then try to forget him and move on x |
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By *orum Troll OP Woman
over a year ago
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"Well op. Now your having a taste of what the decent guys of fab are like so hope it restores your faith.
Do you think maybe you didnt give it long enough to see if anything developed.
I think there are two types of people quick spark and slow burners. I fall into the latter.
As for telling someone you dont want to see them again. Just say something simple, nice but to the point.
How many times did you see this guy just once?"
i'm a slow burner myself, when it comes to falling for someone. i do have plenty of boundaries also, especially after my last ex i had to put in more.
the consistency changed and that put me off him. and it changed after we met (like most guys on here who don't give a shit), despite him seeming decent enough.
i definitely didn't give it enough time but i feel like i don't want to, if something puts me off early on then why continue? i think i've lost my balance of how much to invest in someone. and worried that someone is going to use me and lie to me and i end up wasting my life on them, and i know realistically it takes years to get to truly know someone but i am patient.
idk. i hate my last ex he ruined a lot of me and made me hide a lot of good qualities i had as they're vulnerable exploits for men like him. |
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By *orum Troll OP Woman
over a year ago
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"Do what i do with the ladies and say they had a lucky escape and you're not good enough for them, it makes them feel better about the fact i don't really wont to shag them and saves them being broken hearted probably work on guys to. "
maybe he wants a dickhead like me though? and he's not gonna accept i'm not good enough.  |
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By *orum Troll OP Woman
over a year ago
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"But remember...not all men will be like your ex. All the best OP"
thanks. i know that now and am only seeking people not like him and have been for a while.
it's just taking a while to get over the damage he's caused i think but i am getting there. |
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