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Foof fails
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Following on from the man wang thread which thus far none of them have been brave enough to comment on, what embarrassing or painful foof moments have we had ladies?
I once went at it for too long with my wand. Actually friction burned my left flap.
That hurt like a bitch. |
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By *huckzMan
over a year ago
spalding |
"Following on from the man wang thread which thus far none of them have been brave enough to comment on, what embarrassing or painful foof moments have we had ladies?
I once went at it for too long with my wand. Actually friction burned my left flap.
That hurt like a bitch."
....flap attack springs to mind lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Following on from the man wang thread which thus far none of them have been brave enough to comment on, what embarrassing or painful foof moments have we had ladies?
I once went at it for too long with my wand. Actually friction burned my left flap.
That hurt like a bitch."
Ouch! Not easy to put a plaster on there. I hope you weren't out of action for too long. |
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"Following on from the man wang thread which thus far none of them have been brave enough to comment on, what embarrassing or painful foof moments have we had ladies?
I once went at it for too long with my wand. Actually friction burned my left flap.
That hurt like a bitch.
Ouch! Not easy to put a plaster on there. I hope you weren't out of action for too long."
Long enough! |
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By *huckzMan
over a year ago
spalding |
"Following on from the man wang thread which thus far none of them have been brave enough to comment on, what embarrassing or painful foof moments have we had ladies?
I once went at it for too long with my wand. Actually friction burned my left flap.
That hurt like a bitch......
Ouch! Not easy to put a plaster on there. I hope you weren't out of action for too long.
Long enough!"
....now if you had used your wand after the event and said izzy wizzy lets get busy.....your foof flap as you put it would have been fine lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm not the most delicate person when shaving, think sheep shearing.
Once there was a slip of the blade it hurt to wee for a few days  "
Yep, this for me, too. Sliced myself pretty good.  |
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"I'd made an appt with my lovely waxing lady. She was off sick, so her boss took the appointment instead. I came away rather bruised, her technique really wasn't all that  "
Yikes, I bet she didn't even give you a discount pffft |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Bruised my cervix when I accidentally kicked my vibrator up myself. Had just inserted it and had my feet in the air trying to smooth my blanket out and my heel slipped and whacked the dildo right up inside me! |
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" Bruised my cervix when I accidentally kicked my vibrator up myself. Had just inserted it and had my feet in the air trying to smooth my blanket out and my heel slipped and whacked the dildo right up inside me!"
Cor blimey, that's made me wince. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" Bruised my cervix when I accidentally kicked my vibrator up myself. Had just inserted it and had my feet in the air trying to smooth my blanket out and my heel slipped and whacked the dildo right up inside me!"
Fuck that even made me wince a bit reading it |
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" Bruised my cervix when I accidentally kicked my vibrator up myself. Had just inserted it and had my feet in the air trying to smooth my blanket out and my heel slipped and whacked the dildo right up inside me!"
I stopped reading at kick |
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"Bought a new flogger and after having a play with it, mr was a bit over zealous and I ended up very red, and swollen and sore. X "
In a similar vein, I've ended up peeing blood a couple of times after being slapped 'too hard and too long' (though it didn't feel like it at the time) and after getting checked out just in case of any underlying issue have had to confess to 'over enthusiastic sex' at the doctor's when the nurse was puzzling over my symptoms with no sign of any infection.
I also managed, while playing, to half rip out an internal polyp that I was waiting to get removed - which didn't hurt but resulted in a ridiculous amount of blood (for weeks) 
And my VCH bar has ended up stuck in the gap between someone's front teeth which wasn't much fun either 
Finally ... if you're ever (stupidly) tempted to use sun cream as an impromptu substitute lube, don't, just don't, because it burns like hell!! (I was much younger in my defence ...) |
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"Bought a new flogger and after having a play with it, mr was a bit over zealous and I ended up very red, and swollen and sore. X
In a similar vein, I've ended up peeing blood a couple of times after being slapped 'too hard and too long' (though it didn't feel like it at the time) and after getting checked out just in case of any underlying issue have had to confess to 'over enthusiastic sex' at the doctor's when the nurse was puzzling over my symptoms with no sign of any infection.
I also managed, while playing, to half rip out an internal polyp that I was waiting to get removed - which didn't hurt but resulted in a ridiculous amount of blood (for weeks)
And my VCH bar has ended up stuck in the gap between someone's front teeth which wasn't much fun either
Finally ... if you're ever (stupidly) tempted to use sun cream as an impromptu substitute lube, don't, just don't, because it burns like hell!! (I was much younger in my defence ...)"
You're like an episode of 'sex sent me to ER'
Be careful!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Bought a new flogger and after having a play with it, mr was a bit over zealous and I ended up very red, and swollen and sore. X
In a similar vein, I've ended up peeing blood a couple of times after being slapped 'too hard and too long' (though it didn't feel like it at the time) and after getting checked out just in case of any underlying issue have had to confess to 'over enthusiastic sex' at the doctor's when the nurse was puzzling over my symptoms with no sign of any infection.
I also managed, while playing, to half rip out an internal polyp that I was waiting to get removed - which didn't hurt but resulted in a ridiculous amount of blood (for weeks)
And my VCH bar has ended up stuck in the gap between someone's front teeth which wasn't much fun either
Finally ... if you're ever (stupidly) tempted to use sun cream as an impromptu substitute lube, don't, just don't, because it burns like hell!! (I was much younger in my defence ...)"
You made me wince 4 separate times |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Oh goodness.
Also, the time myself and an ex girlfriend ordered a strap on thing which was a big dildo attached to latex pants which had free cheap lube. So my ex covers it with the lube and tries to enter me... as soon as it got the slightest bit inside me, the inside of my vagina burnt and stung unbearably. It turns out I'm EXTREMELY sensitive to most lubes. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Bought a new flogger and after having a play with it, mr was a bit over zealous and I ended up very red, and swollen and sore. X
In a similar vein, I've ended up peeing blood a couple of times after being slapped 'too hard and too long' (though it didn't feel like it at the time) and after getting checked out just in case of any underlying issue have had to confess to 'over enthusiastic sex' at the doctor's when the nurse was puzzling over my symptoms with no sign of any infection.
I also managed, while playing, to half rip out an internal polyp that I was waiting to get removed - which didn't hurt but resulted in a ridiculous amount of blood (for weeks)
And my VCH bar has ended up stuck in the gap between someone's front teeth which wasn't much fun either
Finally ... if you're ever (stupidly) tempted to use sun cream as an impromptu substitute lube, don't, just don't, because it burns like hell!! (I was much younger in my defence ...)"
Ouch x |
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"Oh goodness.
Also, the time myself and an ex girlfriend ordered a strap on thing which was a big dildo attached to latex pants which had free cheap lube. So my ex covers it with the lube and tries to enter me... as soon as it got the slightest bit inside me, the inside of my vagina burnt and stung unbearably. It turns out I'm EXTREMELY sensitive to most lubes. "
I think it's quite common. I can't use Ann Summers liquid satin. Sets me alight |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Oh goodness.
Also, the time myself and an ex girlfriend ordered a strap on thing which was a big dildo attached to latex pants which had free cheap lube. So my ex covers it with the lube and tries to enter me... as soon as it got the slightest bit inside me, the inside of my vagina burnt and stung unbearably. It turns out I'm EXTREMELY sensitive to most lubes.
I think it's quite common. I can't use Ann Summers liquid satin. Sets me alight "
Argh! *crosses legs*
Even Lovehoney lube burns if I use too much, the only type I've found which really works for me is Liquid Silk. |
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"Oh goodness.
Also, the time myself and an ex girlfriend ordered a strap on thing which was a big dildo attached to latex pants which had free cheap lube. So my ex covers it with the lube and tries to enter me... as soon as it got the slightest bit inside me, the inside of my vagina burnt and stung unbearably. It turns out I'm EXTREMELY sensitive to most lubes.
I think it's quite common. I can't use Ann Summers liquid satin. Sets me alight
Argh! *crosses legs*
Even Lovehoney lube burns if I use too much, the only type I've found which really works for me is Liquid Silk."
And then for a week after it's like you're walking round with sandpaper up yer chuff, praying for moisture from the vag gods. You wanna do a rain dance but it hurts too much |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Oh goodness.
Also, the time myself and an ex girlfriend ordered a strap on thing which was a big dildo attached to latex pants which had free cheap lube. So my ex covers it with the lube and tries to enter me... as soon as it got the slightest bit inside me, the inside of my vagina burnt and stung unbearably. It turns out I'm EXTREMELY sensitive to most lubes.
I think it's quite common. I can't use Ann Summers liquid satin. Sets me alight
Argh! *crosses legs*
Even Lovehoney lube burns if I use too much, the only type I've found which really works for me is Liquid Silk.
And then for a week after it's like you're walking round with sandpaper up yer chuff, praying for moisture from the vag gods. You wanna do a rain dance but it hurts too much "
That genuinely did almost make me cry with laughter then! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was once sitting having a nice leisurely lunch with my friend when she looked at me quite matter of factly and said "oh, I cut my clit shaving"
Erm... why was she shaving her clit?"
Haha! She got a bit close whilst shaving her pubes, nicked the tip right off |
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"
And then for a week after it's like you're walking round with sandpaper up yer chuff, praying for moisture from the vag gods. You wanna do a rain dance but it hurts too much
That genuinely did almost make me cry with laughter then!"
You've clearly been there!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was once sitting having a nice leisurely lunch with my friend when she looked at me quite matter of factly and said "oh, I cut my clit shaving"
Erm... why was she shaving her clit?
Haha! She got a bit close whilst shaving her pubes, nicked the tip right off "
Fuck |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
And then for a week after it's like you're walking round with sandpaper up yer chuff, praying for moisture from the vag gods. You wanna do a rain dance but it hurts too much
That genuinely did almost make me cry with laughter then!
You've clearly been there! "
Maybe  |
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"I was once sitting having a nice leisurely lunch with my friend when she looked at me quite matter of factly and said "oh, I cut my clit shaving"
Erm... why was she shaving her clit?
Haha! She got a bit close whilst shaving her pubes, nicked the tip right off "
It's not a finger oh dear God that sounds like hell. Can you imagine wiping after a pee? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was in a very important business meeting once being highly professional when I felt something on my ankle. Looked down to see a panty liner escape from my trouser leg into my shoe. Unfortunately so did everyone else. |
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"I was in a very important business meeting once being highly professional when I felt something on my ankle. Looked down to see a panty liner escape from my trouser leg into my shoe. Unfortunately so did everyone else. "
I threw on a pair of trackies to run to the shop.... the previous days knickers fell out the leg.
Onto your shoe though
I'm crying. |
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drive in the car (no air con) for hours with open window and no knickers to cool things down... had a sore pussy for days afterwards. turns out too much wind on your pussy is just as bad as on your neck and gives you the equivalent of a stiff neck... |
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"drive in the car (no air con) for hours with open window and no knickers to cool things down... had a sore pussy for days afterwards. turns out too much wind on your pussy is just as bad as on your neck and gives you the equivalent of a stiff neck..."
Well well well... that's something I'd have never ever thought of. Good call! |
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"I'm not the most delicate person when shaving, think sheep shearing.
Once there was a slip of the blade it hurt to wee for a few days
Yep, this for me, too. Sliced myself pretty good. "
Did it put you off for a while and need a hedge trimmer a few weeks later? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Had an ingrown hair that made my flap swell into a golf ball.
I have since copyrighted the term "golf ball flap" and shit."
I had a massive sore puss filled ingrown hair right in the thigh foof crease a couple of months ago.  |
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"Had an ingrown hair that made my flap swell into a golf ball.
I have since copyrighted the term "golf ball flap" and shit.
I had a massive sore puss filled ingrown hair right in the thigh foof crease a couple of months ago. "
Fucking kill don't they.
Find yourself praying to the medic gods to remove this hell sore from the depths of your foof crease because it really is rather uncomfortable and a blinking eye sore. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Had an ingrown hair that made my flap swell into a golf ball.
I have since copyrighted the term "golf ball flap" and shit.
I had a massive sore puss filled ingrown hair right in the thigh foof crease a couple of months ago.
Fucking kill don't they.
Find yourself praying to the medic gods to remove this hell sore from the depths of your foof crease because it really is rather uncomfortable and a blinking eye sore. "
Oh yes they do! The worse part being that you can't use a pin to dig the hair out as it's simply not the most visible place. And every time I drained it, it just got more sore 
Though it didn't scar  |
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Me and sub were once playing about and I got two very similar shaped bottles at the side of the bed mixed up in a dimly lit session. One bottle was baby oil the other was make up remover!
I think you know where I'm going with this........
AJ |
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"Me and sub were once playing about and I got two very similar shaped bottles at the side of the bed mixed up in a dimly lit session. One bottle was baby oil the other was make up remover!
I think you know where I'm going with this........
AJ "
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
" Bruised my cervix when I accidentally kicked my vibrator up myself. Had just inserted it and had my feet in the air trying to smooth my blanket out and my heel slipped and whacked the dildo right up inside me!"
Sounds painful, I'd happily be on hand to retrieve it tho |
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"I decided to go commando to work a while ago and caught my pubes in my trouser zip. That made my eyes water!  "
You know what I find disturbing about that?... you still need to unzip and free the fluff. It's gotta hurt. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some of these are making me wince and my balls to shrivel up at the very thought. Glad to see it's not just us men getting our dangly bits battered.
Ooooo I could crush a grape "
You're showing your age there, Stu Francis wasn't it way back in the 80's. Remember it well. |
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"Some of these are making me wince and my balls to shrivel up at the very thought. Glad to see it's not just us men getting our dangly bits battered.
Ooooo I could crush a grape
You're showing your age there, Stu Francis wasn't it way back in the 80's. Remember it well. "
Shhhhhhh |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Why did I read this thread ?
Have your nuts hidden in your tummy?
You should try the man wang thread
Do I need to follow the arrow??
Yep "
Sumthin
Sumthin
BJ
Sumthin
Washing Machine
Sumthin
Tunes
Yaaaay
Oooh |
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"Why did I read this thread ?
Have your nuts hidden in your tummy?
You should try the man wang thread
Do I need to follow the arrow??
Yep
Sumthin
Sumthin
BJ
Sumthin
Washing Machine
Sumthin
Tunes
Yaaaay
Oooh"
Just type in man wang in the forum search ya divvy nut  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Why did I read this thread ?
Have your nuts hidden in your tummy?
You should try the man wang thread
Do I need to follow the arrow??
Yep
Sumthin
Sumthin
BJ
Sumthin
Washing Machine
Sumthin
Tunes
Yaaaay
Oooh
Just type in man wang in the forum search ya divvy nut "
|
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When Mr Kinky and I were 'new' one of us decided it would be lovely and intimate if he waxed me. It wasn't lovely or intimate or romantic or fun. It was 2 hours of excruciating, frustrating pain. The wax got everywhere and my fanny looked like a baboon's arse by the end. To be fair, he was more upset than me but it never happened again! I may forgive but I don't forget!!! |
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"When Mr Kinky and I were 'new' one of us decided it would be lovely and intimate if he waxed me. It wasn't lovely or intimate or romantic or fun. It was 2 hours of excruciating, frustrating pain. The wax got everywhere and my fanny looked like a baboon's arse by the end. To be fair, he was more upset than me but it never happened again! I may forgive but I don't forget!!!"
|
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"When Mr Kinky and I were 'new' one of us decided it would be lovely and intimate if he waxed me. It wasn't lovely or intimate or romantic or fun. It was 2 hours of excruciating, frustrating pain. The wax got everywhere and my fanny looked like a baboon's arse by the end. To be fair, he was more upset than me but it never happened again! I may forgive but I don't forget!!!"
I bet it was on fire  |
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"Was super horny one day having a play with a vibrator and.. forgot I had a tampon in. Mr at the time was not amused as he hated me playing with toys, and had to dig it out "
They have to earn their keep somehow! |
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"It's fun at the time but I've a low cervix and tend to suffer for a few days with bruising if playing with a big un.
Oh and having a coil fitted left me walking at a right angle for nearly a week "
Wincing |
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"Too much rabbit action, ended up with a UTI ouch
I had one where I was a day or so from being hospitalised coz it was hitting my kidneys (UTI) I had no idea it could be so serious. "
Incredibly serious left untreated |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Had an ingrown hair that made my flap swell into a golf ball.
I have since copyrighted the term "golf ball flap" and shit."
I've had this too. Was so painful I was walking funny.
Also hurt my cervix after some fairly vigorous sex, blood everywhere. Explaining that to the doc was interesting. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was once giving the ex wife a good old fingering when I felt something deep inside her, after much rummaging and poking about I managed to punch it between two fingers and get it out. Turned out to be part of the clear plastic wrapper of a tampon, well that's what she said it was anyway. |
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How could I forget the guy that picked me up by my chuff?!
Yeah, claret everywhere. I ended up standing on my kitchen worktop. He'd lifted me and I had to climb off onto whatever was closest to take my weight, you know how you pull yourself out of a swimming pool.
Bad times. |
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"I was once giving the ex wife a good old fingering when I felt something deep inside her, after much rummaging and poking about I managed to punch it between two fingers and get it out. Turned out to be part of the clear plastic wrapper of a tampon, well that's what she said it was anyway. "
good job you found it! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How could I forget the guy that picked me up by my chuff?!
Yeah, claret everywhere. I ended up standing on my kitchen worktop. He'd lifted me and I had to climb off onto whatever was closest to take my weight, you know how you pull yourself out of a swimming pool.
Bad times. "
But why....Ouch
I've slipped while doing doggy, causing me to go in deeper and at the wrong angle. I hit her cervix. She wasn't impressed and walked funny that day |
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"How could I forget the guy that picked me up by my chuff?!
Yeah, claret everywhere. I ended up standing on my kitchen worktop. He'd lifted me and I had to climb off onto whatever was closest to take my weight, you know how you pull yourself out of a swimming pool.
Bad times.
But why....Ouch
I've slipped while doing doggy, causing me to go in deeper and at the wrong angle. I hit her cervix. She wasn't impressed and walked funny that day "
It was his fingers he lifted me with too. It was so fucking painful. |
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