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3 things you dont do on the first date

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Just for fun, what is your top 3 things you dont do on the first date?

1 Dont send dick pics on the phone

2 Dont talk about yourself, keep the subject on her

3 Dont talk about your ex's

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Don't eat garlic

Don't talk about marriage and babies

Don't get d*unk (unless they do to!)

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Don't Pick your nose

Or your ears

Or your teeth

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By *lik and PaulCouple over a year ago

Flagrante

Don't fart

Don't be constantly on your mobile phone

Don't be a twat

....actually these apply to all dates

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Dont drink too much

Dont use the term babe

Dont assume you will be getting a shag

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By *ecretEscapes2Woman over a year ago

worcester

Date ?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Don't be on your phone all night.especially if it's perving on fab

No farting

Don't be eyeing up every girl that walks by

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

1 don't pay the bill

2.dont eye the waitress up

3. dont drink less than you normally do

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Don't propose

Don't forget their name

Don't ask when the baby is due

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Date ?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Don't do a yokker swallow it.

Don't fart first let her do it first.

Don't play with you cock through your trousers she might think you have crabs.

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By *unky monkeyMan over a year ago

in the night garden

Don't show her your lampshades

Don't show her your range of skin lotions

Definitely don't tell her about your hobby; harvesting human skin to make lampshades.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

???????????

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By *eather_Loves_SexWoman over a year ago

Halfway Between London and Brighton

"Don't show her your lampshades

Don't show her your range of skin lotions

Definitely don't tell her about your hobby; harvesting human skin to make lampshades.

It puts the lotion on its skin

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By *ady LickWoman over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

1. Don't slurp your drink

2. Don't expect her to pay

3. Don't look like a scruffbag

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Don't date, just meet and talk to people

Don't try and be someone you're not

Don't lie

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Am I the only one that find Funky Monkeys comments as strange.??

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By *unky monkeyMan over a year ago

in the night garden

"Am I the only one that find Funky Monkeys comments as strange.??"

Huh! What is strange?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Harvesting human skin to make lampshades.??

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By *unky monkeyMan over a year ago

in the night garden

"Harvesting human skin to make lampshades.??"

Please respect my preferences you are opressing me.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Harvesting human skin to make lampshades.??"

I think my skin would make pretty interesting lampshades...have thought about letting someone do that, when I die, for quite a while now...maybe I am weird too...who knows!

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By *unky monkeyMan over a year ago

in the night garden

"Harvesting human skin to make lampshades.??

I think my skin would make pretty interesting lampshades...have thought about letting someone do that, when I die, for quite a while now...maybe I am weird too...who knows!

Hello my sweet. let's move this into PM

xxx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

1. Don't pretend to drop something in their drink for a laugh

2. Don't end every sentence with 'amundo'

example, 'Would you like another drinkamundo?' Shall we have a game of poolamundo?'

3. Call them mummy

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Harvesting human skin to make lampshades.??

I think my skin would make pretty interesting lampshades...have thought about letting someone do that, when I die, for quite a while now...maybe I am weird too...who knows!

Hello my sweet. let's move this into PM

xxx"

twisted monkey.. twisted haha

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By *unky monkeyMan over a year ago

in the night garden

"Harvesting human skin to make lampshades.??

I think my skin would make pretty interesting lampshades...have thought about letting someone do that, when I die, for quite a while now...maybe I am weird too...who knows!

Hello my sweet. let's move this into PM

xxx

twisted monkey.. twisted haha"

Please don't judge. Respect my preferences. I'm being opressed again.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Am I the only one that find Funky Monkeys comments as strange.??"

Yes

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By *unky monkeyMan over a year ago

in the night garden

"Am I the only one that find Funky Monkeys comments as strange.??

Yes

Virtually a death threat there.

I'm stepping away from the forums for a while, I don't need this in my life.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My apologises Funky Monkey but put it down to my age as I associate that thing with the holocaust.My apologies once again.

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By *unky monkeyMan over a year ago

in the night garden

"My apologises Funky Monkey but put it down to my age as I associate that thing with the holocaust.My apologies once again."

I'm reporting you, I don't need this kind of treatment. So unfair. Sad.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Harvesting human skin to make lampshades.??

I think my skin would make pretty interesting lampshades...have thought about letting someone do that, when I die, for quite a while now...maybe I am weird too...who knows!

Hello my sweet. let's move this into PM

xxx"

I think we should!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"My apologises Funky Monkey but put it down to my age as I associate that thing with the holocaust.My apologies once again."

It's more Silence of the Lambs.

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By *unky monkeyMan over a year ago

in the night garden

"My apologises Funky Monkey but put it down to my age as I associate that thing with the holocaust.My apologies once again.

It's more Silence of the Lambs."

That's it I'm stepping away fromt the foru... oh hold on...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"My apologises Funky Monkey but put it down to my age as I associate that thing with the holocaust.My apologies once again.

It's more Silence of the Lambs.

That's it I'm stepping away fromt the foru... oh hold on..."

Behave yourself funky!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Don't show her your lampshades

Don't show her your range of skin lotions

Definitely don't tell her about your hobby; harvesting human skin to make lampshades.

Lol so funny

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By *unky monkeyMan over a year ago

in the night garden

"Don't show her your lampshades

Don't show her your range of skin lotions

Definitely don't tell her about your hobby; harvesting human skin to make lampshades.

Lol so funny

Jo please respect my choices and stop ridiculing me. Thanks.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Don't show her your lampshades

Don't show her your range of skin lotions

Definitely don't tell her about your hobby; harvesting human skin to make lampshades.

Lol so funny

Jo please respect my choices and stop ridiculing me. Thanks."

Shall do ....most welcome

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I like turtles

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Don't fart

Don't burp

Don't pick your nose

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Don't use your phone

Don't look at the competition in the room

Don't excuse yourself to the loo and do a runner

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Don't get your cock out then start wanking and don't cum on her face

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By *iforfun999Man over a year ago

Haverfordwest

As it's for fun, I'll post what I think a time waster would say.

Don't turn up

Don't cancel

Don't message to explain

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By *rueone71Man over a year ago

Hiding in the Barnes

Don't Assume

Make her Laugh

oh...and..if she makes you laugh don't fall for it

(pmsl

)

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By *orum TrollWoman over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

talked about me ex on my date last week, not actually about him but about why i'd changed since we split up.

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By *ty31Man over a year ago

NW London

If legging it from the restaurant before paying the bill and/or legging it from a pub after getting into a fight, it is most important you don't forget to take your date with you.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Don't fart

Don't burp

Don't pick your nose"

Why not?? We all know they are hilariously gross!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Don't get your cock out then start wanking and don't cum on her face"

Is the misdemeanour the wanking bit or the not coming on the face?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Good ones everyone lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Just for fun, what is your top 3 things you dont do on the first date?

1 Dont send dick pics on the phone

2 Dont talk about yourself, keep the subject on her

3 Dont talk about your ex's

Shag are you giving us the benefit of your experience....?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Dont drink too much

Dont use the term babe

Dont assume you will be getting a shag"

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By *rincess peachWoman over a year ago

shits creek

"Harvesting human skin to make lampshades.??

I think my skin would make pretty interesting lampshades...have thought about letting someone do that, when I die, for quite a while now...maybe I am weird too...who knows!

Hello my sweet. let's move this into PM

xxx

twisted monkey.. twisted haha

Please don't judge. Respect my preferences. I'm being opressed again."

Would you fuck me? I'd fuck me

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Just for fun, what is your top 3 things you dont do on the first date?

1 Dont send dick pics on the phone

2 Dont talk about yourself, keep the subject on her

3 Dont talk about your ex's

Shag are you giving us the benefit of your experience....?

"
No I dont there, but thought they would be fun ones there

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Just for fun, what is your top 3 things you dont do on the first date?

1 Dont send dick pics on the phone

2 Dont talk about yourself, keep the subject on her

3 Dont talk about your ex's

Shag are you giving us the benefit of your experience....?

No I dont there, but thought they would be fun ones there

Shag there is no need to be embarrassed if you did those things.....

We'd still like you ...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Don't use your phone

Don't look at the competition in the room

Don't excuse yourself to the loo and do a runner "

Hmm I'm guilty of the last one

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Just for fun, what is your top 3 things you dont do on the first date?

1 Dont send dick pics on the phone

2 Dont talk about yourself, keep the subject on her

3 Dont talk about your ex's

Shag are you giving us the benefit of your experience....?

No I dont there, but thought they would be fun ones there

Shag there is no need to be embarrassed if you did those things.....

We'd still like you ...

"
That is good, well I do 2 sometimes, talking to much about myself lol

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By * and M lookingCouple over a year ago

Worcester

1. Don't log into Fabs to check that the person sat in front of you is who it's supposed to be.

2. Apologise for being fashionably late.

3. Offer to call them a cab as They aren't who they are supposed to be.

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By *imandlinCouple over a year ago

merseyside

[Removed by poster at 05/06/17 18:27:07]

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By *airymagicWoman over a year ago

goblin city

"Don't use your phone

Don't look at the competition in the room

Don't excuse yourself to the loo and do a runner

Hmm I'm guilty of the last one

I'm shocked at you, please say why you ran?

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By *rwolfMan over a year ago

bristol

Don't throw up

Don't shit yourself

Don't be a wanker

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By *imandlinCouple over a year ago

merseyside

"Don't show her your lampshades

Don't show her your range of skin lotions

Definitely don't tell her about your hobby; harvesting human skin to make lampshades.

That is either an astonishingly unfunny attempt at humour,or a seriously warped mind.

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan over a year ago

Coventry

Don't introduce her to the woman you keep in your basement.

Don't tell her what's buried under the patio.

And dont get confused and accidentally drink from the glass you poured for her.

Apart from that be charming, friendly and the rest should go smoothly.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

1. Tell the patronising French host guy you think he's a twat.

2. Order a jaegerbomb for courage on entry.

3. Make fuck me eyes at the super cute waitresses while your dates in the ladies on the phone to her pals/mom/sister because they don't stop filming and she'll see it a month down the line on Channel 4.

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By *agneto.Man over a year ago

Bham

[Removed by poster at 05/06/17 18:37:12]

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By *im_66Woman over a year ago

Bradford

[Removed by poster at 05/06/17 18:37:25]

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By *agneto.Man over a year ago

Bham

Don't say 'you look bigger in real life'.

Don't feed the horse during the first kiss.

Don't pat her on the head cos she's short (last one from experience).

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"1. Tell the patronising French host guy you think he's a twat.

2. Order a jaegerbomb for courage on entry.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS over a year ago

Central

"Don't throw up

Don't shit yourself

Don't be a wanker"

Not all at the same time, its too much to handle for most people

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By *evaquitCouple over a year ago

Catthorpe

"Don't show her your lampshades

Don't show her your range of skin lotions

Definitely don't tell her about your hobby; harvesting human skin to make lampshades.

That is either an astonishingly unfunny attempt at humour,or a seriously warped mind. "

Now we found it hilarious!

Don't spit as you talk

Don't talk when you're eating

Don't leave awkward silence gaps

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Don't mention you are a recovering gambling addict who lost everything

Don't mention your ex had you arrested for assault

Don't mention you missed your last train home when you live 70 miles away

All true!

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By *abes in the woodWoman over a year ago

wales

Chew bubble gum... talk about ex..don't be d*unk

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

1) Don't take them somewhere u can't afford

2) Don't swear too much or use offensive language

3) Don't be a bore!! Talk m__f__r about anything, ask question etc no1 likes akward silences

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By *oodnitegirlWoman over a year ago

Yorkshire

"Am I the only one that find Funky Monkeys comments as strange.??"

I loled at it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Don't make complete eye contact with a woman's cleavage (had this all too often)

Don't talk about ex's (had this too)

Don't leave her stranded to make her own way home (been a few occasions)

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By *oodnitegirlWoman over a year ago

Yorkshire

Dont say 'urgh' when she chooses off the menu.

Dont tell her you would like to date her mate after her

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Oh & don't spend half the date on your phone!! It's rude & a major turn off

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Forget rubber johnnys.

Cancel.

Turn up late.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Don't tell your date she has big scary boobs or that you served a custodial sentence for a violent offence

(This was my Saturday night btw)

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

1 don't keep saying sorry,god that annoys me

2 don't ware old spice

3 I promise I won't start any new threads on fab,well for our few hours together anyway

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By *iforfun999Man over a year ago

Haverfordwest

Don't mention your time in jail

Don't talk about your psychiatrist

Don't forget to take your meds before the meet

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Not had a date in over a year

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By * and M lookingCouple over a year ago

Worcester

"Date ?

It's the 5th June 2017....lol x

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By *agneto.Man over a year ago

Bham

"Don't tell your date she has big scary boobs or that you served a custodial sentence for a violent offence

(This was my Saturday night btw)

Lol he was a catch.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Don't eye up the woman ordering cake at the counter unless you can do it without getting neck ache.

Don't go to the loo and then come back and say "well i both think we know this isn't going anywhere" and then sit there waiting for me to leave and walk back to a City centre multistorey car park late at night, alone!

Don't talk about how wonderful your ex is/was and especially don't get all teary eyed about it!!

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By *unloversCouple over a year ago

rotherham

Don't do dates as happily married

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

dont wipe your bum on the curtains for one

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Don't go on dates

Stick to fab

And fuck the whole site

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Don't take your vibrator

Don't play a video of another man fucking you

Don't forget your condoms

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By *uzzybeWoman over a year ago

Darlington

Don't follow your meet home after you've said goodbye...hoping to get invited in (actually happened)

Don't try sticking your hand up her dress whilst ordering drinks at the bar

Don't turn up expecting to get laid

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By *unky monkeyMan over a year ago

in the night garden

"Don't show her your lampshades

Don't show her your range of skin lotions

Definitely don't tell her about your hobby; harvesting human skin to make lampshades.

That is either an astonishingly unfunny attempt at humour,or a seriously warped mind. "

Please don't judge me and respect my preferences. I'm reporting you for this threat. I'm stepping away from the forums, don't need this.

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By *unky monkeyMan over a year ago

in the night garden

"Harvesting human skin to make lampshades.??

I think my skin would make pretty interesting lampshades...have thought about letting someone do that, when I die, for quite a while now...maybe I am weird too...who knows!

Hello my sweet. let's move this into PM

xxx

twisted monkey.. twisted haha

Please don't judge. Respect my preferences. I'm being opressed again.

Would you fuck me? I'd fuck me"

Well since you asked nicely.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS over a year ago

Central

Show your family holiday photos

Move stuff into their place

Ensure you impregnate them and plan the baby shower

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Don't go on dates

Stick to fab

And fuck the whole site

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Forget her name midway through conversation

Ask her the same question for the second time

Ask her the same question for the third time

I'm not good at dating

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Don't ask her does she do Anal

Don't ask her if she has a hotter younger sister

Don't ask her why one eye keeps looking at the floor

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By *imandlinCouple over a year ago

merseyside

"Don't show her your lampshades

Don't show her your range of skin lotions

Definitely don't tell her about your hobby; harvesting human skin to make lampshades.

That is either an astonishingly unfunny attempt at humour,or a seriously warped mind.

Please don't judge me and respect my preferences. I'm reporting you for this threat. I'm stepping away from the forums, don't need this."
.

What threat diddums. What preferences.... Nazi death camp sadism fetish?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I used to have a list but kept breaking my own rules so I gave up

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By *reakShow90Man over a year ago

Manchester/halifax

Dont play on your phone

Dont talk about your ex

Do talk and ask questions about the person

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By *unky monkeyMan over a year ago

in the night garden

"Don't show her your lampshades

Don't show her your range of skin lotions

Definitely don't tell her about your hobby; harvesting human skin to make lampshades.

That is either an astonishingly unfunny attempt at humour,or a seriously warped mind.

Please don't judge me and respect my preferences. I'm reporting you for this threat. I'm stepping away from the forums, don't need this..

What threat diddums. What preferences.... Nazi death camp sadism fetish?"

Almost a death threat there, I'm stepping away from the forums and reporting you. Dont need this.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

don't listen to 'em drone on.

don't hang about if they bore you.

don't get roped into payin' for it all

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Don't fart don't randomly say I like turtle's don't tell her that you've secretly already fucked her sister and her mom

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Don't be on Fab and expect to date?

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By *imandlinCouple over a year ago

merseyside

"Don't show her your lampshades

Don't show her your range of skin lotions

Definitely don't tell her about your hobby; harvesting human skin to make lampshades.

That is either an astonishingly unfunny attempt at humour,or a seriously warped mind.

Please don't judge me and respect my preferences. I'm reporting you for this threat. I'm stepping away from the forums, don't need this..

What threat diddums. What preferences.... Nazi death camp sadism fetish?

Almost a death threat there, I'm stepping away from the forums and reporting you. Dont need this."
.

You are the one referencing death camps.....,human skin to lampshades!!! Not something you should be posting. However I don't want you banned,let people make their own mind up about you.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You are the one referencing death camps.....,human skin to lampshades!!! Not something you should be posting. However I don't want you banned,let people make their own mind up about you. "

He's clearly joking.

He's been running those jokes for absolutely fucking years and this is the first time I've seen someone completely bastardize it out of context.

Come the fuck on.

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By *unky monkeyMan over a year ago

in the night garden

You are the one referencing death camps.....,human skin to lampshades!!! Not something you should be posting. However I don't want you banned,let people make their own mind up about you.

He's clearly joking.

He's been running those jokes for absolutely fucking years and this is the first time I've seen someone completely bastardize it out of context.

Come the fuck on.

Grrrr you've spoilt my fun!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You are the one referencing death camps.....,human skin to lampshades!!! Not something you should be posting. However I don't want you banned,let people make their own mind up about you.

He's clearly joking.

He's been running those jokes for absolutely fucking years and this is the first time I've seen someone completely bastardize it out of context.

Come the fuck on.

Grrrr you've spoilt my fun!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Never ask for a dinosaur penis pic.

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By *unky monkeyMan over a year ago

in the night garden

"Never ask for a dinosaur penis pic."

Oh shush! Don't listen to her girls! It's a beautiful thing!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Never ask for a dinosaur penis pic.

Oh shush! Don't listen to her girls! It's a beautiful thing!"

I wouldn't know

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Pay the bill.

Kiss.

Wear underwear.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Belch

Snort

Fart

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By *edzyWoman over a year ago

Aberdeen

Don't get too pissed

Don't let the guy pay for every drink

Don't talk about the ex husband

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Dont laugh at your own shit joke

Dont wear them trousers that look like girls leggings with your ankles showing!! Keep that for the woman to wear.

Men stop pouting in photos!!

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By *im_66Woman over a year ago

Bradford

You are the one referencing death camps.....,human skin to lampshades!!! Not something you should be posting. However I don't want you banned,let people make their own mind up about you.

He's clearly joking.

He's been running those jokes for absolutely fucking years and this is the first time I've seen someone completely bastardize it out of context.

Come the fuck on.

I'd funky his monkey...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I dont turn up on time.

I don't make eye contact.

I don't wipe my chin If I drop any food.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Don't show her your lampshades

Don't show her your range of skin lotions

Definitely don't tell her about your hobby; harvesting human skin to make lampshades.

That is either an astonishingly unfunny attempt at humour,or a seriously warped mind.

Please don't judge me and respect my preferences. I'm reporting you for this threat. I'm stepping away from the forums, don't need this..

What threat diddums. What preferences.... Nazi death camp sadism fetish?

Almost a death threat there, I'm stepping away from the forums and reporting you. Dont need this..

You are the one referencing death camps.....,human skin to lampshades!!! Not something you should be posting. However I don't want you banned,let people make their own mind up about you. "

he's been making this joke for a long time now....people used to recognise the fact it was tongue in cheek

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By *hinypants77Man over a year ago

Leeds

Dont talk about your ex.

Don't talk about their ex.

Don't tell them your a womaniser and possible sex addict.

Don't tell them you're on fab.

Don't be needy.

Don't have anal sex on the first date.

If you don't fancy them don't sleep with them.

Do pay attention to what they say.

Do be a gentleman and make them feel amazing.

Do offer to pay.

Do make sure they get home safe.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Don't fart

Don't be constantly on your mobile phone

Don't be a twat

....actually these apply to all dates"

Surely farting is acceptable on a third date!?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Don't forget condoms,dont forget to wash cock ,don't forget mints

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Don't fart

Don't be constantly on your mobile phone

Don't be a twat

....actually these apply to all dates

Surely farting is acceptable on a third date!?"
yep as long as its your pussy farting on my cock lol

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By *rueone71Man over a year ago

Hiding in the Barnes

"Never ask for a dinosaur penis pic."

Wouldn't that been extinct??

(pmsl

)

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By *unky monkeyMan over a year ago

in the night garden

"he's been making this joke for a long time now....people used to recognise the fact it was tongue in cheek

OK OK so I've been making the same joke for seven solid years.

But finally my perseverence pays off and I got a bite and you and DM ruin it for me. I thought we were friends Christos, I really did.

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By *unky monkeyMan over a year ago

in the night garden

"Never ask for a dinosaur penis pic.

Oh shush! Don't listen to her girls! It's a beautiful thing!

I wouldn't know

Check your inbox lady. There's patented Dinosaur Cock Shot™ waiting for you x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Don't forget condoms,dont forget to wash cock ,don't forget mints"

You forgot about anal douching

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Definately dont..

1. Sit down without a proper introduction and rack a line of up and snort it like a crazed druggy while muttering "hello".

2. Ask her to follow you into the disabled toilet for some hardcore ass fucking.

3. Once the 2 above are done,then get up and shake her hand, tell her "good effort, well done" in a patronising voice and give her 3 quid for the bus home.

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By *rueone71Man over a year ago

Hiding in the Barnes

"Definately dont..

1. Sit down without a proper introduction and rack a line of up and snort it like a crazed druggy while muttering "hello".

2. Ask her to follow you into the disabled toilet for some hardcore ass fucking.

3. Once the 2 above are done,then get up and shake her hand, tell her "good effort, well done" in a patronising voice and give her 3 quid for the bus home.

Of course...why didn't I think of that. Afterall..if she has come all the way...is just fair pay for a Return ticket...

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

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