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Sex factor is here, are you applying?
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I'll decline again. I'm not queuing up with thousands of nutters who think they're good at it, when they're obviously there to promote and make a fool of themselves when auditioning. Besides, being too popular gets wearing when you're talented and that's my excuse.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My breasts speak for themselves 
That is a talent! What do they usually say? 
Come closer and they'll whisper to you  "
Let me just kneel down so I'm closer |
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"I can take my hoover elsewhere!
There are other fucking talent shows you know !"
Apologies but Simon, oh sorry the OP seems to have omitted to appoint a 3rd judge and someone has appointed himself  |
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"I can take my hoover elsewhere!
There are other fucking talent shows you know !
Is it Henry? Can he perform tricks? If so you are getting a YES!"
Err hello! My hoover is far more superior to a Henry and the tricks it does are bloody damn right amazing! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Not every single person I've met thinks I'm a complete tool.
That's probably as good as it gets, although also offers a clue why that job in marketing never went anywhere"
Tools are good though, especially when your car breaks down on the way to a Sex Factor audition  |
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"I can take my hoover elsewhere!
There are other fucking talent shows you know !
Is it Henry? Can he perform tricks? If so you are getting a YES!
Err hello! My hoover is far more superior to a Henry and the tricks it does are bloody damn right amazing! "
Back off biatch! You never even said hoover until after I said hoover.
This is a one hoover thread. Get your own USP !
( no it's a Dyson, Cordless , Bagless OBVS ! ) |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I'll decline again. I'm not queuing up with thousands of nutters who think they're good at it, when they're obviously there to promote and make a fool of themselves when auditioning. Besides, being too popular gets wearing when you're talented and that's my excuse. "
Chicken! |
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"I can take my hoover elsewhere!
There are other fucking talent shows you know !
Is it Henry? Can he perform tricks? If so you are getting a YES!"
It's a Dyson but I want the dream so much I will have a Henry next week !!!
Yes Yes Yes. Thank you. I need to go phone my Granny now..... x She's dying. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'll pitch with I have youth (plenty of time to develop), brains (have just completed a masters degree) and a wicked mind "
I'll make sure to pair you with the cougars for the first challenge! |
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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago
.. |
"My breasts speak for themselves
That is a talent! What do they usually say?
Come closer and they'll whisper to you
Let me just kneel down so I'm closer "
I've already got you on your knees? I'm better at this than I thought |
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By *ni_ladMan
over a year ago
Wiltshire |
"I'll pitch with I have youth (plenty of time to develop), brains (have just completed a masters degree) and a wicked mind
I'll make sure to pair you with the cougars for the first challenge!"
Feel free to, a bit like the voice it's all about working with the right person to get the best out of them! I feel the cougars would definitely suit me best |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I can take my hoover elsewhere!
There are other fucking talent shows you know !
Is it Henry? Can he perform tricks? If so you are getting a YES!
It's a Dyson but I want the dream so much I will have a Henry next week !!!
Yes Yes Yes. Thank you. I need to go phone my Granny now..... x She's dying."
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have a pretty pussy
See point above for Ignitemybody, pitch denied!
If I show you, will you reconsider?
No favouritism on my show!
Behave  "
Well that's not the sex factor spirit is it  |
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"I can take my hoover elsewhere!
There are other fucking talent shows you know !
Is it Henry? Can he perform tricks? If so you are getting a YES!
It's a Dyson but I want the dream so much I will have a Henry next week !!!
Yes Yes Yes. Thank you. I need to go phone my Granny now..... x She's dying.
"
Shhhhhhh it's my back story. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have a pretty pussy
See point above for Ignitemybody, pitch denied!
If I show you, will you reconsider?
No favouritism on my show!
Behave
Well that's not the sex factor spirit is it "
I've just realised I'm not the judge, where are all my appointed judges, help me out! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have a pretty pussy
See point above for Ignitemybody, pitch denied!
If I show you, will you reconsider?
No favouritism on my show!
Behave
Well that's not the sex factor spirit is it
I've just realised I'm not the judge, where are all my appointed judges, help me out!"
Will the judges need to see my pussy before they make their decision?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can squirt dodgy snake oil
Can you aim it and change pressure mid squirt?"
Yep my squirt control is fantastic. My snake oil supersoaker is tried and tested |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Nope but can I be one of the judges?!
What are your credentials for being a judge "
I could up with a load of big words to make me sound like I'd be right for the job but I'll stick with:-
I'll be the Simon Cowell, and be brutally honest and say it how it is! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Nope but can I be one of the judges?!
What are your credentials for being a judge
I could up with a load of big words to make me sound like I'd be right for the job but I'll stick with:-
I'll be the Simon Cowell, and be brutally honest and say it how it is! "
Hired! Now some contestants require your judgement on their sales pitch, be merciless |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My breasts speak for themselves
That is a talent! What do they usually say?
Come closer and they'll whisper to you
Let me just kneel down so I'm closer
I've already got you on your knees? I'm better at this than I thought "
|
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"I can take my hoover elsewhere!
There are other fucking talent shows you know !
Is it Henry? Can he perform tricks? If so you are getting a YES!
Err hello! My hoover is far more superior to a Henry and the tricks it does are bloody damn right amazing!
Back off biatch! You never even said hoover until after I said hoover.
This is a one hoover thread. Get your own USP !
( no it's a Dyson, Cordless , Bagless OBVS ! )"
I don't need to argue I know I'm the best!
That was the hoover speaking by the way,see mine can even communicate so there! |
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Well if it's anything like the real xfactor, my dog died last week and I'm doing this in her honour, she used to love watching me have sex. And now whenever I have sex it brings a year to my eye and makes me more determined. |
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"I'll pitch with I have youth (plenty of time to develop), brains (have just completed a masters degree) and a wicked mind
I'll make sure to pair you with the cougars for the first challenge!"
*volunteers*! |
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By *ni_ladMan
over a year ago
Wiltshire |
"I'll pitch with I have youth (plenty of time to develop), brains (have just completed a masters degree) and a wicked mind
I'll make sure to pair you with the cougars for the first challenge! *volunteers*!"
Oh we have a volunteer hey? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I can take my hoover elsewhere!
There are other fucking talent shows you know !
Is it Henry? Can he perform tricks? If so you are getting a YES!
Err hello! My hoover is far more superior to a Henry and the tricks it does are bloody damn right amazing!
Back off biatch! You never even said hoover until after I said hoover.
This is a one hoover thread. Get your own USP !
( no it's a Dyson, Cordless , Bagless OBVS ! )"
Tuuunnneeee!!!!
https://youtu.be/yeIGBfu39YI
PTU xxx |
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By *ni_ladMan
over a year ago
Wiltshire |
"Just show my ass its a winner
Does the latex come included?
Yes definitely
Correct answer
Do I win "
Being an athlete my competitive nature would have to come out and say I wouldn't give up without a fight |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just show my ass its a winner
Does the latex come included?
Yes definitely
Correct answer
Do I win
Being an athlete my competitive nature would have to come out and say I wouldn't give up without a fight "
Game on lol |
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By *ni_ladMan
over a year ago
Wiltshire |
"Just show my ass its a winner
Does the latex come included?
Yes definitely
Correct answer
Do I win
Being an athlete my competitive nature would have to come out and say I wouldn't give up without a fight
Game on lol "
Challenge accepted! May the best contenstant win |
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By *ni_ladMan
over a year ago
Wiltshire |
"I have a vagina,what more can anyone ask for!
One that tightens around me
I think my vagina has forgotten what it's for actually,I think it needs a reminder!"
iPhone reminders are quite handy, failing that |
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"I have a vagina,what more can anyone ask for!
One that tightens around me
I think my vagina has forgotten what it's for actually,I think it needs a reminder!
iPhone reminders are quite handy, failing that "
Well I don't have an Iphone... |
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By *ni_ladMan
over a year ago
Wiltshire |
"I have a vagina,what more can anyone ask for!
One that tightens around me
I think my vagina has forgotten what it's for actually,I think it needs a reminder!
iPhone reminders are quite handy, failing that
Well I don't have an Iphone..."
I guess that means I'll have to help out |
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