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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Women’s English
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
I’m sorry. = You’ll be sorry.
We need = I want
It’s your decision = The correct decision should
be obvious by now.
Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later.
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure… go ahead = I don’t want you to.
I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset, you moron!
You’re ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
You’re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new
house.
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper…..
Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it
there!
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost
asleep.
Do you love me? = I’m going to ask for
something expensive.
How much do you love me? = I did something
today you’re really not going to like.
I’ll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes
and find a good game on T.V.
Is my bum fat? = Tell me I’m beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree
with me.
Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you’re
dead.]
Was that the baby?= Why don’ t you get out of
bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.
I’m not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I
think this is important.
The answer to “What’ s wrong?”:
The same old thing = Nothing
Nothing = Everything
Everything = My PMS is acting up
Nothing, really = It’s just that you’re such an
arsehole
Men’s English:
“Yes” = Yes
“No” = No
“Maybe” = Maybe
“I’ m hungry” = I’m hungry.
“I’ m sleepy” = I’m sleepy.
“I’ m tired” = I’m tired.
“Do you want to go to a movie?” = I’d
eventually like to have sex with you.
“Can I take you out to dinner?” = I’d eventually
like to have sex with you.
“Can I call you sometime?” = I’d eventually like
to have sex with you.
“May I have this dance?” = I’d eventually like to
have sex with you.
“Nice dress!” = Nice cleavage!
“You look tense, let me give you a massage.” = I
want to fondle you.
“What’s wrong?” = I don’t see why you are
making such a big deal out of this.
“What’s wrong?” = What meaningless self-
inflicted psychological trauma are you going
through now?
“What’s wrong?” = I guess sex tonight is out of
the question.
“I’ m bored.” = Do you want to have sex?
“I love you.” = Let’ s have sex now.
“I love you, too .” = Okay, I said it …we’d better
have sex now!
“Yes, I like the way you cut your hair” = I liked
it better before.
“Yes, I like the way you cut your hair” = £50
and it doesn’t look that much different!
“Let’ s talk.” = I am trying to impress you by
showing that I am a deep person and maybe
then you’d like to have sex with me.
“Will you marry me?” = I want to make it illegal
for you to have sex with other guys.
(while shopping) “I like that one better.” = Pick
any bloody dress and let’ s go home! |
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