FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > One of the worst things about not being normal,
One of the worst things about not being normal,
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Is knowing I'm never ever going to be like that. I won't ever feel love, it's one of many emotions that are alien to me. So is guilt, feeling sorry for others, I was so badly broken all that I am is a self serving immoral creature.
For years I would only do things for direct gain, either financial, or physical pleasure. I might have spent an hour or a week or a month with some one, but the second I wasn't gaining from the relationship I was out and away.
Usually I would cut all links there and then.
I was convinced 'I love you' was what people say if they want you to suck them off or buy them a car.
Love was this myth, all it meant to me was a loss of freedom, having to commit to one person, then cheat, lie and argue.
But now I've met some one who knows exactly what I am, understands that I will never have real empathy just a facimily of it based on obvious expressions and asking if your ok.
They even know most of the bad things I've done, and the stupid thoughtless, careless and immoral things.
And they don't care.
I certainly am not bothered by anything their past may regurgitate out of the back of the closet. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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But the thing is in my world for so long, I've had zero commitment.
I've never really felt true loneliness because I'm apparently not that bad looking and I've never been picky.
But, I've found some one, who I met by accident not realising they knew me from years ago. From when I was still redeemable I guess. And I did what I always do and led them on, only to mess them around, push them away and hurt them.
When I found myself in a really familiar bleak place.
They found me again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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That's a massive sign. Some people are meant to find their way back to you even though circumstances or behaviours make or push them away.
Those are the people to cling on to |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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And they still want me.
And over the last month I've actually found trusting some one isn't that bad.
Maybe I should of let him keep me 24 years ago, when I used to cost £200 a night. |
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