FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > With a little help from my friends

With a little help from my friends

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"The transition from acquaintanceship to friendship is typically characterized by an increase in both the breadth and depth of self-disclosure," asserts University of Winnipeg sociologist Beverley Fehr, author of Friendship Processes. "In the early stages of friendship, this tends to be a gradual, reciprocal process. One person takes the risk of disclosing personal information and then 'tests' whether the other reciprocates."

(Psychology Today)

Do you make friends easily or do you find it difficult to make new friends? What are the most common reasons for friendships to fall apart? What quality do you value most in your friends?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *oxy_minxWoman over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

Well I'll be honest and admit I don't have any female friends, maybe a work colleague or two but that's about it.

Aberdeen is not the friendliest of places if you are not born and bred here, they tend to keep within their own circles and then add in as you get older, unless your part of a couple your pretty much dropped, as we all know a single female can't be trusted and must obviously be trying to snap your man up any chance she can get.

So as I am not from here I was pretty much doomed from the start and should have got out years ago, but hey it is what it is I suppose.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *unandbuckCouple over a year ago

Sheffield

That's a definition of a certain kind of friendship. You can also be great friends on a more 'superficial' level, and not know deeper things about the other person.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *cduck and Blue eyesCouple over a year ago

nr chester

Oooh now I read that and I can say that's typical of how my friendships have come to be

In terms of making friends easily, I think I do make friends easily, I tend to just talk them into submission

In terms of reasons for losing friendships well I've only ever lost one friend that I thought was true and when I say lost, I still try to be friendly with her for the fact that I love her children like they are my own and to end the friendship completely would end my relationship with them but my day to day contact has gone from chat on and off all day to limited ' hi, how was your day'

My reason for distancing myself, well she told me she had cancer and she didn't

Mrs blue eyesxxx

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Well I'll be honest and admit I don't have any female friends, maybe a work colleague or two but that's about it.

So as I am not from here I was pretty much doomed from the start and should have got out years ago, but hey it is what it is I suppose. "

Thank you for your honesty. That sounds hard, I'm sorry to hear that's your experience. I have found it interesting how the older I've got the reality is that I have to put so much more effort in to gaining exposure to 'new' people -- which is fine, but requires energy! I do love that tingle you get when you realise that you've discovered a kindred spirit, someone that synchs with you.

Do you have female friends from where you were prior to Aberdeen?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"That's a definition of a certain kind of friendship. You can also be great friends on a more 'superficial' level, and not know deeper things about the other person."

That's true! There's definitely rings of friendship and you can have an absolute blast with people on that superficial level, as you say. I'm thinking about how you go about starting that initial friction with someone to find your level of friendship, rather than them being just another person.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

No I don't make friends easily. And when I do they often don't last.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Oooh now I read that and I can say that's typical of how my friendships have come to be

In terms of making friends easily, I think I do make friends easily, I tend to just talk them into submission

My reason for distancing myself, well she told me she had cancer and she didn't

Mrs blue eyesxxx"

Oh gosh Mrs BE, I wonder what on earth was happening for her to have said that, and how she feels about it now. Oh dear.

I tend to go for the war of attrition approach too! Be my friend, no, *be* *my* *friend*!!!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"No I don't make friends easily. And when I do they often don't last. "

Is this partly your preference? I find you very likeable.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *unandbuckCouple over a year ago

Sheffield

"That's a definition of a certain kind of friendship. You can also be great friends on a more 'superficial' level, and not know deeper things about the other person.

Being honest, I don't know. Mainly because being lucky in a relationship that works well, I suppose having friends just for fun is enough. If that makes sense.

Although I appreciate different people have different wants from friendships.

(MrB)

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *urvymamaWoman over a year ago

Doncaster

I do make friends fairly easily and I generally sustain those friendships quite well I gave one particular vanilla friend that it doesn't matter how long we've been apart whenever we meet for a catch up we pick up right where we left off as if nothing in our lives and between us as ever changed, that to me is real friendship

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *eliWoman over a year ago

I make friends easily in the real world as I learnt how to do the expected behaviours in order to blend in with society

On here? Meh. I have a few really good friends but to be honest I don't really seek them out as such. I have a few people I'd like to know more of but I don't think we are friends as such. Just people who get on well. One day!

But I don't tend to make many on a 'deeper' level as such - I don't like revealing too much about myself for various reasons and I'm quite emotionally shut off at times.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

i get along with most people - have the odd few that i can know i will never be buddies with - but only a handful of people that know a lot about me- over the recent years i have closed down when people try to get close as im sick of being hurt

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *oxy_minxWoman over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

"Well I'll be honest and admit I don't have any female friends, maybe a work colleague or two but that's about it.

So as I am not from here I was pretty much doomed from the start and should have got out years ago, but hey it is what it is I suppose.

Do you have female friends from where you were prior to Aberdeen?"

No, because I was brought up in the army, so we moved every two years or less, so I never had a fixed abode and the other kids were in the same boat so it just became the norm.

Then I was lured to Aberdeen when I was 16 (boring story) and just didn't find a way out as got bogged down with all the usual day to day stuff like work, mortgage etc.

Also due to a different upbringing from those around me in Aberdeen, I just don't fit in.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"No I don't make friends easily. And when I do they often don't last.

Is this partly your preference? I find you very likeable. "

No, not at all. I'm quite proud of the fact I've sustained a 15 year relationship with my wife, especially through some tough times.

But it can be lonely not having friends.

I'm pleased you find me likeable, but maybe that's just my online persona? Lol.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"That's a definition of a certain kind of friendship. You can also be great friends on a more 'superficial' level, and not know deeper things about the other person.

Being honest, I don't know. Mainly because being lucky in a relationship that works well, I suppose having friends just for fun is enough. If that makes sense.

Although I appreciate different people have different wants from friendships.

(MrB)"

You know that makes total sense! Of course in a successful relationship the 'need' would be less, or different from friendships. Friends can be the lover or family you don't have, for those that need them. My friends are my priority often. Thanks Mr B, that was a good point.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I Enjoy meeting new people all the time, making friends with them depends how much I relate to them and if they're good with me.

I've too many people around me that take from me. So I'm weary about new friends. That stops me from disclosing anything early.

Just my input.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

""The transition from acquaintanceship to friendship is typically characterized by an increase in both the breadth and depth of self-disclosure," asserts University of Winnipeg sociologist Beverley Fehr, author of Friendship Processes. "In the early stages of friendship, this tends to be a gradual, reciprocal process. One person takes the risk of disclosing personal information and then 'tests' whether the other reciprocates."

(Psychology Today)

Do you make friends easily or do you find it difficult to make new friends? What are the most common reasons for friendships to fall apart? What quality do you value most in your friends?"

I (as you know) make friends easily, but the process is always a slow gradual one. Usually from repeated meets / conversation. I think the key is not to try and force or rush things, they'll happen or they wont.

In my case friendship and trust comes BEFORE the sharing of personal information. In fact the sharing of personal information before a friendship is established can put a person off. Or at least can put me off anyway.

Lost friendships are rare for me but it's usually betrayal. Betrayal of trust / sleeping with a love of my life.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I find I can talk and get on with anyone but making close friends a bit more difficult .

I would probably say this is due to my past 3 serious relationships have ended with her cheating on me so now I find it hard to let some one in and trust them .

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I do make friends fairly easily and I generally sustain those friendships quite well I gave one particular vanilla friend that it doesn't matter how long we've been apart whenever we meet for a catch up we pick up right where we left off as if nothing in our lives and between us as ever changed, that to me is real friendship "

Oh yes!! Those friendships are priceless. If you were to observe yourself, what is it you're doing that enables you to make friendships easily?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Not really. I know how to talk to people and be nice and blend in with the normies but I don't put any effort in further than that. I only have two proper friends so I don't think I need more just for the sake of it, I'm not missing out on anything

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I do make friends fairly easily. Many of those are all parents of special needs children so we all share a common problem. I do have my one best friend that we've known each other since my first day of secondary school. Doesn't matter how long it's been since we saw each other we can just pick up like it was yesterday. X

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ink Panther.Woman over a year ago

Preston

I love communicating which is probably why I make friends easily. I need a more indepth friendship with the exchange of thoughts and feelings. My friends trust me with their secrets and I am usually the one they turn to because they know I wouldn't betray that trust. Yet it's unlikely I would entrust them with my secrets. Especially with things like Fab etc, it's only a secret and can't hurt you if no one knows. Bizarrely enough it's being trusted that I value the most about a friendship but I rarely trust others. As for losing a friendship, not a familiar concept by a deliberate act by either party, but usually circumstances dictate a loss of contact. But when we get chance to come together again it's like we've never been apart

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I make friends easily in the real world as I learnt how to do the expected behaviours in order to blend in with society

But I don't tend to make many on a 'deeper' level as such - I don't like revealing too much about myself for various reasons and I'm quite emotionally shut off at times.

Thanks Meli. How would you describe the expected behaviours for blending in? Do you emotionally shut off as self preservation?

You're someone I'm very drawn to.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"i get along with most people - have the odd few that i can know i will never be buddies with - but only a handful of people that know a lot about me- over the recent years i have closed down when people try to get close as im sick of being hurt "

Hugs. I understand that withdrawal, and how it becomes harder to get back to being exposed and open. I would still advocate it's worth the energy to do so though.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have a gregarious and sociable personality and find it easy to make friends with other men, women on the other hand I prefer not to friend zone unless it's fwb.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Well I'll be honest and admit I don't have any female friends, maybe a work colleague or two but that's about it.

So as I am not from here I was pretty much doomed from the start and should have got out years ago, but hey it is what it is I suppose.

Do you have female friends from where you were prior to Aberdeen?

No, because I was brought up in the army, so we moved every two years or less, so I never had a fixed abode and the other kids were in the same boat so it just became the norm.

Then I was lured to Aberdeen when I was 16 (boring story) and just didn't find a way out as got bogged down with all the usual day to day stuff like work, mortgage etc.

Also due to a different upbringing from those around me in Aberdeen, I just don't fit in. "

What would you like from a female friend? Do you have an image of how it would be?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

For me if I let someone get close enough to class as a friend....it always boils down to loyalty if we stay friends.

Maybe it's a bit ott but it's just the way I am

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"No I don't make friends easily. And when I do they often don't last.

Is this partly your preference? I find you very likeable.

No, not at all. I'm quite proud of the fact I've sustained a 15 year relationship with my wife, especially through some tough times.

But it can be lonely not having friends.

I'm pleased you find me likeable, but maybe that's just my online persona? Lol. "

I've always loved how you talk about your relationship even with the brutal honesty of the tough stuff on occasion. Loneliness is a killer, I think that's why even forums like this are so, so important for people.

And your online persona would entice me to meet the real person. I don't know that people can sustain an online persona that's vastly different from them as a real person over time, so I suspect you're alright in person. And you know I'm down with you spanking me.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I Enjoy meeting new people all the time, making friends with them depends how much I relate to them and if they're good with me.

I've too many people around me that take from me. So I'm weary about new friends. That stops me from disclosing anything early.

Just my input. "

Interesting, yes -- there has to be a balance. Do you think there's anything you're doing in that dynamic that's allowing people to push boundaries to the point the balance isn't working?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *oxy_minxWoman over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

"Well I'll be honest and admit I don't have any female friends, maybe a work colleague or two but that's about it.

So as I am not from here I was pretty much doomed from the start and should have got out years ago, but hey it is what it is I suppose.

Do you have female friends from where you were prior to Aberdeen?

No, because I was brought up in the army, so we moved every two years or less, so I never had a fixed abode and the other kids were in the same boat so it just became the norm.

Then I was lured to Aberdeen when I was 16 (boring story) and just didn't find a way out as got bogged down with all the usual day to day stuff like work, mortgage etc.

Also due to a different upbringing from those around me in Aberdeen, I just don't fit in.

What would you like from a female friend? Do you have an image of how it would be? "

Oh I did make a great friend a few years ago, she also wasn't from here, we had nights outs and holidays, had a great friendship etc, then she met a guy from Glasgow (her home town) and dumped me and moved away.

So see above^^^

Females always dump their friends once they become involved in a new relationship

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

(Psychology Today)

Do you make friends easily or do you find it difficult to make new friends? What are the most common reasons for friendships to fall apart? What quality do you value most in your friends?

Lost friendships are rare for me but it's usually betrayal. Betrayal of trust / sleeping with a love of my life.

Hello dear friend.

-- how on earth did we become friends if disclosure of personal information before friendship and trust puts you off?!

How are you building trust if not through incremental disclosure? The way you people whisper is so different to me, and yet you are one of my closest friends. Love you.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *arahandmatCouple over a year ago

Wrexham

I make acquaintances easily, but I'm more selective with my friends. It's almost like 'love at first sight' in the sense that I get a feeling of friendship from the early beginnings. It's sort of in built and my instincts kick in as to whether I can trust them. I don't have to like everything they like as I feel it is important to be able to be diverse yet still have that loyalty and ability to 'agree to disagree'. It's also important to me that it doesn't matter if it's been a day or a year since we last met/spoke.

Sarah

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I love communicating which is probably why I make friends easily. I need a more indepth friendship with the exchange of thoughts and feelings. My friends trust me with their secrets and I am usually the one they turn to because they know I wouldn't betray that trust. Yet it's unlikely I would entrust them with my secrets. Especially with things like Fab etc, it's only a secret and can't hurt you if no one knows. Bizarrely enough it's being trusted that I value the most about a friendship but I rarely trust others. As for losing a friendship, not a familiar concept by a deliberate act by either party, but usually circumstances dictate a loss of contact. But when we get chance to come together again it's like we've never been apart

You sound so like me, I don't let many people know my secrets. But I hold so many for others. X

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I find I can talk and get on with anyone but making close friends a bit more difficult .

I would probably say this is due to my past 3 serious relationships have ended with her cheating on me so now I find it hard to let some one in and trust them ."

I wish there was a way that those who hurt us could come back and talk it through to help us understand what was happening for them. I'm not condoning betrayal just pondering how we can move on from the wounds of it. It is a risk to be vulnerable, but the rewards must be worth it when it works.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I Enjoy meeting new people all the time, making friends with them depends how much I relate to them and if they're good with me.

I've too many people around me that take from me. So I'm weary about new friends. That stops me from disclosing anything early.

Just my input.

Interesting, yes -- there has to be a balance. Do you think there's anything you're doing in that dynamic that's allowing people to push boundaries to the point the balance isn't working? "

With some current friends. Yes, they figure out I'm loyal and I'll do anything for a friend. I ask for little in return because how independent I can be. They take everything. Selfish fuckers. Lol. And because the friendship from there side is little more than what I can do for them, I get little emotional connection/satisfaction out of it, if that makes sense? I find it easier talking to strangers online about my life than to them.

Now trust is something else. If a Freind has my trust, they've got a friend for life, and that's why I'm always reluctant at the beginning, I'm slow to move from friend zone - into the trusting zone.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Not really. I know how to talk to people and be nice and blend in with the normies but I don't put any effort in further than that. I only have two proper friends so I don't think I need more just for the sake of it, I'm not missing out on anything "

That's fair enough! I'm glad you have what's working for you

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I do make friends fairly easily. Many of those are all parents of special needs children so we all share a common problem. I do have my one best friend that we've known each other since my first day of secondary school. Doesn't matter how long it's been since we saw each other we can just pick up like it was yesterday. X "

Yes, commonalities and shared problems too are great forgers of friendship. Those old school friendships are great too!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ink Panther.Woman over a year ago

Preston

You sound so like me, I don't let many people know my secrets. But I hold so many for others. X "

You're a lovely lady x

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I'm really intrigued by your statement about valuing being trusted by your friends yet that not being something you gift to your friends. That's got my mind whirring!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

(Psychology Today)

Do you make friends easily or do you find it difficult to make new friends? What are the most common reasons for friendships to fall apart? What quality do you value most in your friends?

Lost friendships are rare for me but it's usually betrayal. Betrayal of trust / sleeping with a love of my life.

Hello dear friend.

-- how on earth did we become friends if disclosure of personal information before friendship and trust puts you off?!

How are you building trust if not through incremental disclosure? The way you people whisper is so different to me, and yet you are one of my closest friends. Love you. "

All rules have good exceptions! Btw 'people whisperer' is one of the best compliments I've ever had. I find it really hard to put into words how you can build trust without sharing personal stuff. But I'll try;

It's mostly observation and social discourse. How do they talk to serving staff, how do they interact with the people around them. What do they have to say about, oh I dunno, the Manchester atrocity. Are they negative, do they single people out, am I drawn to them, is their personality warm and endearing. Are they funny, and if so, is it at the expense of others?

Really hard to explain but I shall be thinking about this a fair bit now.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I have a gregarious and sociable personality and find it easy to make friends with other men, women on the other hand I prefer not to friend zone unless it's fwb."

Hahaha you filth bag!!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *eliWoman over a year ago

"Thanks Meli. How would you describe the expected behaviours for blending in? Do you emotionally shut off as self preservation?

You're someone I'm very drawn to. "

Eye contact. Understanding collequalisms. Not shouting when peole touch me in a friendly way? That sort of thing. I guess on here I can be more me to a certain degree than at work.

No, I've always been a bit shut off. It's only when I think that I really could be friends with someone or I already am that I am a bit more open. I'll chat about basic crap and flirt sporadically until the cows come home. But asking me how I feel about something on a deeper level is unlikely to get a straight answer as such.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *adyinred696969Couple over a year ago

Brecon

I tend to make friends too easily, I take people at face value and then regret it later when some turn out to be less than what they started as.

Luckily, on here, we have made some great friends, but in real life I have to try to wait a while until I fall "head-over-heels in friendship".

Mart says I'm too nice, too trusting, and I guess he's right, I end up caught in the middle of squabbles and some try to make me take sides.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *urvymamaWoman over a year ago

Doncaster

Oh yes!! Those friendships are priceless. If you were to observe yourself, what is it you're doing that enables you to make friendships easily? "

I'm sure the people I have built good friendships with on this sight will correct me if I'm wrong in this, but I'm a very confident person that naturally seems to get on with most personality types (I'm not saying I don't ever disagree with the people I meet but I don't hold grudges after disagreements). Im quite open person but as much as I can talk about myself, I'm a keen listener and nothings too much trouble for me.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"For me if I let someone get close enough to class as a friend....it always boils down to loyalty if we stay friends.

Maybe it's a bit ott but it's just the way I am

What does it take to let someone get close? And no, loyalty is not OTT.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ink Panther.Woman over a year ago

Preston

I'm really intrigued by your statement about valuing being trusted by your friends yet that not being something you gift to your friends. That's got my mind whirring! "

Causing intrigue seems to be one of my specialties

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *azkinsWoman over a year ago

leeds

I don't have many friends but those I have ive known 30+ years or more.Im fiercely loyal to them too.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Well I'll be honest and admit I don't have any female friends, maybe a work colleague or two but that's about it.

So as I am not from here I was pretty much doomed from the start and should have got out years ago, but hey it is what it is I suppose.

Do you have female friends from where you were prior to Aberdeen?

No, because I was brought up in the army, so we moved every two years or less, so I never had a fixed abode and the other kids were in the same boat so it just became the norm.

Then I was lured to Aberdeen when I was 16 (boring story) and just didn't find a way out as got bogged down with all the usual day to day stuff like work, mortgage etc.

Also due to a different upbringing from those around me in Aberdeen, I just don't fit in.

What would you like from a female friend? Do you have an image of how it would be?

So see above^^^

Females always dump their friends once they become involved in a new relationship "

That's a really interesting statement. I'm going to think a bit about that, as my instinct is to disagree, but I wonder if it's more about managing expectations as a new relationship does require energy. Are women really guilty of dumping friends for cock? Oh dear.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Oh yes!! Those friendships are priceless. If you were to observe yourself, what is it you're doing that enables you to make friendships easily?

Totally associate with all of this

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"For me if I let someone get close enough to class as a friend....it always boils down to loyalty if we stay friends.

Maybe it's a bit ott but it's just the way I am

What does it take to let someone get close? And no, loyalty is not OTT.

It's a bit like the chicken and egg thing lol.....yes I have aquantantces but too be classed as a real friend is a bit different

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I make acquaintances easily, but I'm more selective with my friends. It's almost like 'love at first sight' in the sense that I get a feeling of friendship from the early beginnings. It's sort of in built and my instincts kick in as to whether I can trust them. I don't have to like everything they like as I feel it is important to be able to be diverse yet still have that loyalty and ability to 'agree to disagree'. It's also important to me that it doesn't matter if it's been a day or a year since we last met/spoke.

Sarah "

I love this, Sarah! And yes -- it's totally a falling in love experience for me with the deep friendships.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You sound so like me, I don't let many people know my secrets. But I hold so many for others. X

You're a lovely lady x"

Thank you, so are you x

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I Enjoy meeting new people all the time, making friends with them depends how much I relate to them and if they're good with me.

I've too many people around me that take from me. So I'm weary about new friends. That stops me from disclosing anything early.

Just my input.

Interesting, yes -- there has to be a balance. Do you think there's anything you're doing in that dynamic that's allowing people to push boundaries to the point the balance isn't working?

Now trust is something else. If a Freind has my trust, they've got a friend for life, and that's why I'm always reluctant at the beginning, I'm slow to move from friend zone - into the trusting zone.

It can be difficult when you fall into a set way of being with friends, but surely it's important to communicate if it's not working? Trust is a leap of faith. It will always be a risk. We hurt people even when it's the last thing we intended. I know I do. And I'm sorry for it, even when I know it wasn't intentional on my part.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Lost friendships are rare for me but it's usually betrayal. Betrayal of trust / sleeping with a love of my life.

Hello dear friend.

-- how on earth did we become friends if disclosure of personal information before friendship and trust puts you off?!

How are you building trust if not through incremental disclosure? The way you people whisper is so different to me, and yet you are one of my closest friends. Love you.

Really hard to explain but I shall be thinking about this a fair bit now."

Haha! That and 'good cook, good cock'

I love that description of your spider-sensing. I rate everything you're describing there, I do -- I just wonder if there's something missing there about the exchange and trust built in the gap between two dialoguing and being vulnerable to hearing each other's different exposures/experiences to things?

Also, I *am* funny however much you tell me I'm not. Someone on the forum told me I was.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"For me if I let someone get close enough to class as a friend....it always boils down to loyalty if we stay friends.

Maybe it's a bit ott but it's just the way I am

What does it take to let someone get close? And no, loyalty is not OTT.

It's a bit like the chicken and egg thing lol.....yes I have aquantantces but too be classed as a real friend is a bit different

That's it. Sometimes I thought they were friends. I worryingly find out I was an acquaintance.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Thanks Meli. How would you describe the expected behaviours for blending in? Do you emotionally shut off as self preservation?

You're someone I'm very drawn to.

Eye contact. Understanding collequalisms. Not shouting when peole touch me in a friendly way? That sort of thing. I guess on here I can be more me to a certain degree than at work.

Nods.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Lost friendships are rare for me but it's usually betrayal. Betrayal of trust / sleeping with a love of my life.

Hello dear friend.

-- how on earth did we become friends if disclosure of personal information before friendship and trust puts you off?!

How are you building trust if not through incremental disclosure? The way you people whisper is so different to me, and yet you are one of my closest friends. Love you.

Really hard to explain but I shall be thinking about this a fair bit now.

Haha! That and 'good cook, good cock'

Also, I *am* funny however much you tell me I'm not. Someone on the forum told me I was.

Um that was 'Great cook, great cock' I'll have you know

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I tend to make friends too easily, I take people at face value and then regret it later when some turn out to be less than what they started as.

Luckily, on here, we have made some great friends, but in real life I have to try to wait a while until I fall "head-over-heels in friendship".

Mart says I'm too nice, too trusting, and I guess he's right, I end up caught in the middle of squabbles and some try to make me take sides.

Oh it's horrible being the rag doll in the middle of a squabble! Do you want to change your approach?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Thanks Meli. How would you describe the expected behaviours for blending in? Do you emotionally shut off as self preservation?

You're someone I'm very drawn to.

Eye contact. Understanding collequalisms. Not shouting when peole touch me in a friendly way? That sort of thing. I guess on here I can be more me to a certain degree than at work.

Yes, I can certainly understand what you're saying with all that.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Oh yes!! Those friendships are priceless. If you were to observe yourself, what is it you're doing that enables you to make friendships easily?

That's beautifuly put, thank you! I know someone like that.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I'm really intrigued by your statement about valuing being trusted by your friends yet that not being something you gift to your friends. That's got my mind whirring!

Causing intrigue seems to be one of my specialties

Like the blocking?!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I don't have many friends but those I have ive known 30+ years or more.Im fiercely loyal to them too."

Those are some strong, long friendships

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Oh yes!! Those friendships are priceless. If you were to observe yourself, what is it you're doing that enables you to make friendships easily?

Totally associate with all of this"

Ha! Yes -- it made me think of you!!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"For me if I let someone get close enough to class as a friend....it always boils down to loyalty if we stay friends.

Maybe it's a bit ott but it's just the way I am

What does it take to let someone get close? And no, loyalty is not OTT.

It's a bit like the chicken and egg thing lol.....yes I have aquantantces but too be classed as a real friend is a bit different

Different how?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Lost friendships are rare for me but it's usually betrayal. Betrayal of trust / sleeping with a love of my life.

Hello dear friend.

-- how on earth did we become friends if disclosure of personal information before friendship and trust puts you off?!

How are you building trust if not through incremental disclosure? The way you people whisper is so different to me, and yet you are one of my closest friends. Love you.

Really hard to explain but I shall be thinking about this a fair bit now.

Haha! That and 'good cook, good cock'

Also, I *am* funny however much you tell me I'm not. Someone on the forum told me I was.

Um that was 'Great cook, great cock' I'll have you know

Oh fuck! So it was. Sorry

Shoulda been 'Epic cook, epic cock' obviously.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *eliWoman over a year ago

"Thanks Meli. How would you describe the expected behaviours for blending in? Do you emotionally shut off as self preservation?

You're someone I'm very drawn to.

Eye contact. Understanding collequalisms. Not shouting when peole touch me in a friendly way? That sort of thing. I guess on here I can be more me to a certain degree than at work.

Yes, I can certainly understand what you're saying with all that. "

Yep, I thought you might. I don't feel as odd when I read your posts on this sort of subject.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Lost friendships are rare for me but it's usually betrayal. Betrayal of trust / sleeping with a love of my life.

Hello dear friend.

-- how on earth did we become friends if disclosure of personal information before friendship and trust puts you off?!

How are you building trust if not through incremental disclosure? The way you people whisper is so different to me, and yet you are one of my closest friends. Love you.

Really hard to explain but I shall be thinking about this a fair bit now.

Haha! That and 'good cook, good cock'

Also, I *am* funny however much you tell me I'm not. Someone on the forum told me I was.

Um that was 'Great cook, great cock' I'll have you know

Oh fuck! So it was. Sorry

Shoulda been 'Epic cook, epic cock' obviously.

Hmmm, that might be pushing it.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Haha! That and 'good cook, good cock'

Also, I *am* funny however much you tell me I'm not. Someone on the forum told me I was.

Um that was 'Great cook, great cock' I'll have you know

Oh fuck! So it was. Sorry

Shoulda been 'Epic cook, epic cock' obviously.

Hmmm, that might be pushing it. "

Don't doubt your cooking, it's really good

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *adyinred696969Couple over a year ago

Brecon

"I tend to make friends too easily, I take people at face value and then regret it later when some turn out to be less than what they started as.

Luckily, on here, we have made some great friends, but in real life I have to try to wait a while until I fall "head-over-heels in friendship".

Mart says I'm too nice, too trusting, and I guess he's right, I end up caught in the middle of squabbles and some try to make me take sides.

Oh it's horrible being the rag doll in the middle of a squabble! Do you want to change your approach? "

I've considered it, but the way I wander through life is the real "me", so I don't change, I just keep in mind that I shouldn't commit too early, or heavily.

I know that sounds like I have changed, but I still like to get to know people, give them a chance, I just don't go the full 100% from the off if that makes sense. x

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *i tits and alCouple over a year ago

ST. LEONARDS-ON-SEA

I really love the thought of me wife finding someone to fuck with out me do people do that

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Even though I'm a little shy around people I don't know, I do seem to make friends fairly easily at work or in social environments. I find it much harder to make friends with people on swinger and fetish sites!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *owdyboy 890Man over a year ago

Country West

Sure I made friends with yourself very easily friend

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm quite a chatty, happy cheerful person & get on with mostly everyone I meet. Some we become friends, some we are just 2 people who acknowledge each other's existence. My problem is keeping friends. Due to work commitments unfortunately not always able to see friends much as I wld like too & tend to loose interest quickly if they take to long to respond. I like friends who put in the effort as much as I do

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *i tits and alCouple over a year ago

ST. LEONARDS-ON-SEA

I really love the thought of me wife finding someone to fuck with out me do people do that

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I tend to make friends too easily, I take people at face value and then regret it later when some turn out to be less than what they started as.

Luckily, on here, we have made some great friends, but in real life I have to try to wait a while until I fall "head-over-heels in friendship".

Mart says I'm too nice, too trusting, and I guess he's right, I end up caught in the middle of squabbles and some try to make me take sides.

Oh it's horrible being the rag doll in the middle of a squabble! Do you want to change your approach?

I've considered it, but the way I wander through life is the real "me", so I don't change, I just keep in mind that I shouldn't commit too early, or heavily.

I know that sounds like I have changed, but I still like to get to know people, give them a chance, I just don't go the full 100% from the off if that makes sense. x

That does make sense, and I think it is important to be authentic, you're you for a reason, the you you are is needed and wanted

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ink Panther.Woman over a year ago

Preston

I'm really intrigued by your statement about valuing being trusted by your friends yet that not being something you gift to your friends. That's got my mind whirring!

Causing intrigue seems to be one of my specialties

Like the blocking?!

That was a secret

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I really love the thought of me wife finding someone to fuck with out me do people do that"

Yes. But not on this thread perhaps.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I really love the thought of me wife finding someone to fuck with out me do people do that

Yes. But not on this thread perhaps.

Random

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Even though I'm a little shy around people I don't know, I do seem to make friends fairly easily at work or in social environments. I find it much harder to make friends with people on swinger and fetish sites!

*waves* hello! You kinda just have to get stuck in on here (forum-wise) -- it can be hard, you either get shouted over or accused of being in a clique! Neither is a reality! Thank you for joining my thread. I think sometimes being shy actually lowers other's barriers and that can warm things up!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Sure I made friends with yourself very easily friend

Howdy Rowdy!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"For me if I let someone get close enough to class as a friend....it always boils down to loyalty if we stay friends.

Maybe it's a bit ott but it's just the way I am

What does it take to let someone get close? And no, loyalty is not OTT.

It's a bit like the chicken and egg thing lol.....yes I have aquantantces but too be classed as a real friend is a bit different

Different how?"

Too me acquaintances can become friends but they are on two different levels

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I'm quite a chatty, happy cheerful person & get on with mostly everyone I meet. Some we become friends, some we are just 2 people who acknowledge each other's existence. My problem is keeping friends. Due to work commitments unfortunately not always able to see friends much as I wld like too & tend to loose interest quickly if they take to long to respond. I like friends who put in the effort as much as I do

Nods. Do you discuss when you feel someone isn't putting in the effort that you'd like? I find it interesting that we would in a romantic relationship, but sometimes don't in friendships.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I really love the thought of me wife finding someone to fuck with out me do people do that"

Yeah, you said

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I'm really intrigued by your statement about valuing being trusted by your friends yet that not being something you gift to your friends. That's got my mind whirring!

Causing intrigue seems to be one of my specialties

NOTHING SAID HERE

That was a secret

What was?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I really love the thought of me wife finding someone to fuck with out me do people do that

Yes. But not on this thread perhaps.

Random"

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"For me if I let someone get close enough to class as a friend....it always boils down to loyalty if we stay friends.

Maybe it's a bit ott but it's just the way I am

What does it take to let someone get close? And no, loyalty is not OTT.

It's a bit like the chicken and egg thing lol.....yes I have aquantantces but too be classed as a real friend is a bit different

Different how?

Too me acquaintances can become friends but they are on two different levels

Yes, I understood that. I was asking if you would elaborate on the actualities of what's different between them for *you*, I'm attempting to elicit more from you!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

(Psychology Today)

Do you make friends easily or do you find it difficult to make new friends? What are the most common reasons for friendships to fall apart? What quality do you value most in your friends?"

I've always found making friends easy, for some reason people seem to take to me.

The problem for me is I'm very naive about doing anything for friends and being there for them but never really feeling like I get that returned.

I've recently started distancing myself from all the friends that I feel are one way types, you know the sort, not heard from them for weeks and weeks sometimes months and then bang.... fancy a night out mate not seen you in ages.... then you find out that their partners away somewhere and they want you to drop what you're doing and be their something to do pal, I have loads of these types and previously would always put my life on hold for them.

I actually would only call 4 of my friends true pals and these people never seem to have any agenda other than caring about how I am and what's going on with me.

The quality I value most in my friends is being genuine and honest with me

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"For me if I let someone get close enough to class as a friend....it always boils down to loyalty if we stay friends.

Maybe it's a bit ott but it's just the way I am

What does it take to let someone get close? And no, loyalty is not OTT.

It's a bit like the chicken and egg thing lol.....yes I have aquantantces but too be classed as a real friend is a bit different

Different how?

Too me acquaintances can become friends but they are on two different levels

Yes, I understood that. I was asking if you would elaborate on the actualities of what's different between them for *you*, I'm attempting to elicit more from you!

Not on a open forum lol....ps I sent you a pm a little while ago

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don't make friends very easily. I'm always early of "new" friends and it takes a long time for me to gain someone's trust. But once a friendship is formed I am the best friend they will have. I'm very loyal, understanding, loving and caring. But when someone miss uses my trust or abuses our friendship then I cut them off and cut them out my life completely. I do have a good circle of friends some I see often some I don't. But I know I can always rely on them and vice versa.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I find that people tend to like me to the point they actively seek me out because they think Im funny or cute or whatever but I find it hard to let them see any other side of me so I wouldn't class them as true friends.

My true friends love me for the whole me because I allow myself to be vulnerable around them so I guess trust is the main thing, knowing no matter what I say or do my friends wont judge me and will always be on my side.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *orwegian BlueMan over a year ago

Iceland, but Aldi is closer..

Ok, so that explanation does encompass the process of making friends, but it's really just good ol basic communication..

You meet someone that interests you, you chat and if you get on, you chat more..

However, I would like some shrink to explain Jeremy kyle and embarrassing bodies..

Too ashamed to tell your friends but don't care about telling a million stranger's!!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I've always found making friends easy, for some reason people seem to take to me.

The problem for me is I'm very naive about doing anything for friends and being there for them but never really feeling like I get that returned.

I actually would only call 4 of my friends true pals and these people never seem to have any agenda other than caring about how I am and what's going on with me.

The quality I value most in my friends is being genuine and honest with me

Yes! I think that's a common feeling for people. I asked the question earlier, I'll say it now to you -- how honest are you about discussing how you feel with the friends you are distancing from?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"For me if I let someone get close enough to class as a friend....it always boils down to loyalty if we stay friends.

Maybe it's a bit ott but it's just the way I am

What does it take to let someone get close? And no, loyalty is not OTT.

It's a bit like the chicken and egg thing lol.....yes I have aquantantces but too be classed as a real friend is a bit different

Different how?

Too me acquaintances can become friends but they are on two different levels

Yes, I understood that. I was asking if you would elaborate on the actualities of what's different between them for *you*, I'm attempting to elicit more from you!

Not on a open forum lol....ps I sent you a pm a little while ago

Ahhh that's fair enough.

. I'll have a check.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Nods. Do you discuss when you feel someone isn't putting in the effort that you'd like? I find it interesting that we would in a romantic relationship, but sometimes don't in friendships. "

Are you a psychologist Estelle lol if not u shld consider it u good

to be honest with most mates haven't mentioned it didn't see the point. But will do from now on

need people to invite when finally get married some year & at my funeral hahaha

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I don't make friends very easily. I'm always early of "new" friends and it takes a long time for me to gain someone's trust. But once a friendship is formed I am the best friend they will have. I'm very loyal, understanding, loving and caring. But when someone miss uses my trust or abuses our friendship then I cut them off and cut them out my life completely. I do have a good circle of friends some I see often some I don't. But I know I can always rely on them and vice versa. "

Yes, I understand this. Those absolute friends are amazing.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I find that people tend to like me to the point they actively seek me out because they think Im funny or cute or whatever but I find it hard to let them see any other side of me so I wouldn't class them as true friends.

You're a cunt, but I love you.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Sorry! In all seriousness....yes, it's loving me whilst knowing my flaws, possibly even *for* my flaws, that for me is real friendship.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Ok, so that explanation does encompass the process of making friends, but it's really just good ol basic communication..

You meet someone that interests you, you chat and if you get on, you chat more..

However, I would like some shrink to explain Jeremy kyle and embarrassing bodies..

Too ashamed to tell your friends but don't care about telling a million stranger's!!"

Sometimes I guess you just seize the extreme opportunity exactly because you're so scared.

Or do you get paid to star on those?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Nods. Do you discuss when you feel someone isn't putting in the effort that you'd like? I find it interesting that we would in a romantic relationship, but sometimes don't in friendships.

Are you a psychologist Estelle lol if not u shld consider it u good

to be honest with most mates haven't mentioned it didn't see the point. But will do from now on

need people to invite when finally get married some year & at my funeral hahaha"

Do you hide behind humour?

(I'm on a roll!)

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I've always found making friends easy, for some reason people seem to take to me.

The problem for me is I'm very naive about doing anything for friends and being there for them but never really feeling like I get that returned.

I actually would only call 4 of my friends true pals and these people never seem to have any agenda other than caring about how I am and what's going on with me.

The quality I value most in my friends is being genuine and honest with me

Yes! I think that's a common feeling for people. I asked the question earlier, I'll say it now to you -- how honest are you about discussing how you feel with the friends you are distancing from? "

Pfft.... blokes don't discuss feelings with each other.

I do get what you're saying though, I suppose I've just become a bit more needy as I've gotten older and don't want people to know that the blokey fun don't give a fuck tough man is actually quite sensitive, besides the 4 really good friends I've known since primary school and they'll always be around I hope, the others I may just start using as and when I have nothing better to do...which is rare to be honest.

What about you Estella?

What defines your close friendships and do you make friends easily?

I bet you do

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Nods. Do you discuss when you feel someone isn't putting in the effort that you'd like? I find it interesting that we would in a romantic relationship, but sometimes don't in friendships.

Are you a psychologist Estelle lol if not u shld consider it u good

to be honest with most mates haven't mentioned it didn't see the point. But will do from now on

need people to invite when finally get married some year & at my funeral hahaha

Do you hide behind humour?

(I'm on a roll!)

Haha I can't help myself

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ink Panther.Woman over a year ago

Preston

I'm really intrigued by your statement about valuing being trusted by your friends yet that not being something you gift to your friends. That's got my mind whirring!

Causing intrigue seems to be one of my specialties

NOTHING SAID HERE

That was a secret

What was?

It seems you fixed that for me

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I've always found making friends easy, for some reason people seem to take to me.

The problem for me is I'm very naive about doing anything for friends and being there for them but never really feeling like I get that returned.

I actually would only call 4 of my friends true pals and these people never seem to have any agenda other than caring about how I am and what's going on with me.

The quality I value most in my friends is being genuine and honest with me

Yes! I think that's a common feeling for people. I asked the question earlier, I'll say it now to you -- how honest are you about discussing how you feel with the friends you are distancing from?

Pfft.... blokes don't discuss feelings with each other.

What about you Estella?

What defines your close friendships and do you make friends easily?

I bet you do "

you. Seriously.

I'm actually a bit of a loner.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Are you a psychologist Estelle lol if not u shld consider it u good

to be honest with most mates haven't mentioned it didn't see the point. But will do from now on

need people to invite when finally get married some year & at my funeral hahaha

Do you hide behind humour?

(I'm on a roll!)

Haha I can't help myself

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Causing intrigue seems to be one of my specialties

NOTHING SAID HERE

That was a secret

What was?

It seems you fixed that for me

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Damn Estella! You write the best posts!

I've been really let down by friends in the past and it's taken me a loooooooong time to deal with. Usually people turning out to be very different to who I thought they were. I have a very open heart and it isn't easy when it gets disappointed...

Luckily, I have now been blessed with friends that I consider as close as family. I'm a pretty good judge of character (these days) and love meeting new people, but my friends have my back and we all watch out for each other.

Loyalty, honor, principles and respect for others are qualities I really admire. People that support you, look after you and make the world a little nicer for everyone else.

People like you... x

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Damn Estella! You write the best posts!

Loyalty, honor, principles and respect for others are qualities I really admire. People that support you, look after you and make the world a little nicer for everyone else.

People like you... x"

Awww mojojojo -- you just made me a little wet.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Damn Estella! You write the best posts!

Loyalty, honor, principles and respect for others are qualities I really admire. People that support you, look after you and make the world a little nicer for everyone else.

People like you... x"

So, how do you keep your heart open and your hope for positive interactions flowing? Do you regularly tell your close friends how special they are to you?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *abs..Woman over a year ago

I find making friends quite difficult. I travelled a lot growing up so establishing friendships was difficult. Being shy doesn't help. As an adult, my insecurities remain the same. My closest friend passed away last year and that has been challenging. I have another close friend and a small circle of friends. I'm a loyal, trustworthy friend and look for that in others. People lean on me and confide in me, I'm a good listener. I'm also a bit of a giggler and love to laugh (it is a bit of a loud dirty laugh which people seem to quite like

). I am a very private person so I do find it hard to let people in. My best friend knew me best and whilst I love my other friends and we are close, those relationships are slightly different.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I bet you do

you. Seriously.

I'm actually a bit of a loner.

I find that difficult to believe, unless you're just not circulating with nice people or maybe you just like your own company, I know I like my own company sometimes and it's much easier all round, I always laugh at my own jokes and never go to the bar and forget to by me a drink

Seriously.... I think you're ok too I suppose

Shame you're so far away in that scary big city and all

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Damn Estella! You write the best posts!

Loyalty, honor, principles and respect for others are qualities I really admire. People that support you, look after you and make the world a little nicer for everyone else.

People like you... x

Awww mojojojo -- you just made me a little wet.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I find making friends quite difficult. I travelled a lot growing up so establishing friendships was difficult. Being shy doesn't help. As an adult, my insecurities remain the same. My closest friend passed away last year and that has been challenging. I have another close friend and a small circle of friends. I'm a loyal, trustworthy friend and look for that in others. People lean on me and confide in me, I'm a good listener. I'm also a bit of a giggler and love to laugh (it is a bit of a loud dirty laugh which people seem to quite like

). I am a very private person so I do find it hard to let people in. My best friend knew me best and whilst I love my other friends and we are close, those relationships are slightly different. "

I'm sorry for your loss, Babs. You have a very authentic and caring voice in how you post, I think. Although I'm now going to look for an echo of dirty laughter too!! Having a friend who really listens, is amazing. I'm sure your friendship is valued immensely.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *abs..Woman over a year ago

). I am a very private person so I do find it hard to let people in. My best friend knew me best and whilst I love my other friends and we are close, those relationships are slightly different.

It's a filthy laugh! Couldn't do it in church

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I bet you do

you. Seriously.

I'm actually a bit of a loner.

Seriously.... I think you're ok too I suppose

Shame you're so far away in that scary big city and all "

Hahaha! You!

I have some close, dear friends. Ones that know all my failings, all, oh so many, they be burdened with the knowledge, and they're in this for life. It's literally a life sentence. I have many friends for an 'aspect' -- we've bonded over a specific thing or experience. I do spend time alone. I'm not sure I'm always completely honest with myself as to why I do. I mean I was about to say something here and then wondered if I was presenting something that wasn't completely honest (as in bluffing myself not to intentionally bluff readers) -- I'm going to think about that.

I'll buy you a drink and laugh at your jokes in person one day.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You're a cunt, but I love you. "

That's only cos I let you see that side of me

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

You're a cunt, but I love you.

That's only cos I let you see that side of me

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

). I am a very private person so I do find it hard to let people in. My best friend knew me best and whilst I love my other friends and we are close, those relationships are slightly different.

It's a filthy laugh! Couldn't do it in church

Amen

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

So, how do you keep your heart open and your hope for positive interactions flowing? Do you regularly tell your close friends how special they are to you? "

Hahahahahaha! We tell each other we love each other all the time! I don't think any of my friends doubt how special they are to me...

A big part of it is that I have a pretty secure foundation of friends to work from and that accept me. I don't fear judgement of others like I used to and my friends will catch me if I fall.

And to me, it's just important. There's so many shit bags out there affecting others in negative ways, I want to put as much positivity out there as I can. I do my best to enable a positive interaction rather than get my hopes up...

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *appy squirrelWoman over a year ago

Norwich

oh this is an interesting one...

I get on with pretty much everyone on a superficial level. i am the one people tend to trust and open up to even if they dont know me well. the dirty secrets i knew ha ha. but I can not be asked to have this kind of friendships that's more acquaintance for me. i only have a couple of real friends- and they had to prove to me that they are friends before I trust them. however if I know you are a true friend there is not much I wouldn't do for you.

my biggest fear is that someone I thought might be a friend does not feel the same way about me. so they really have to prove themselves.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I tend to make friends too easily, I take people at face value and then regret it later when some turn out to be less than what they started as.

Luckily, on here, we have made some great friends, but in real life I have to try to wait a while until I fall "head-over-heels in friendship".

Mart says I'm too nice, too trusting, and I guess he's right, I end up caught in the middle of squabbles and some try to make me take sides.

That first part has been my undoing more than a few times...

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"oh this is an interesting one...

my biggest fear is that someone I thought might be a friend does not feel the same way about me. so they really have to prove themselves."

Heh! That last part also gets me.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

So, how do you keep your heart open and your hope for positive interactions flowing? Do you regularly tell your close friends how special they are to you?

Hahahahahaha! We tell each other we love each other all the time! I don't think any of my friends doubt how special they are to me...

A big part of it is that I have a pretty secure foundation of friends to work from and that accept me. I don't fear judgement of others like I used to and my friends will catch me if I fall.

That sounds brilliant.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"oh this is an interesting one...

my biggest fear is that someone I thought might be a friend does not feel the same way about me. so they really have to prove themselves."

Do you think you may miss opportunities to find those true friends by being too cautious?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

People talk about fear of having got someone wrong as a reason for being cautious about building friendships on a deeper level. Is it not perhaps scarier to not take the risk?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"My true friends love me for the whole me because I allow myself to be vulnerable around them so I guess trust is the main thing, knowing no matter what I say or do my friends wont judge me and will always be on my side."

This

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *igeiaWoman over a year ago

Bristol

I don't make bosom friends very easily or very often. I am friendly enough (if a little shy), but it takes me a while to get into that emotional sharing zone with someone if at all. Jung may have been right with his personality types hypothesis since I am the epitome of the INFJ group I am categorised as when it comes to interpersonal relationships.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *appy squirrelWoman over a year ago

Norwich

"People talk about fear of having got someone wrong as a reason for being cautious about building friendships on a deeper level. Is it not perhaps scarier to not take the risk? "

definitely missing out. but I have a brilliant mask- strong, confident and happy. to show myself as vulnerable is a big thing.

and if your mother's best friend of 30 years tells you that she is not only a difficult person but has some nice traits as well- now that makes you tripple check your friends!!!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"People talk about fear of having got someone wrong as a reason for being cautious about building friendships on a deeper level. Is it not perhaps scarier to not take the risk? "

Ultimately yes, but short term fear usually wins out against long term fear...

Fear has held me back from many things in my life but now I use it to challenge myself. If I feel scared about something, it's probably something I should deal with.

And just so I don't take up another space in this thread, I have two of my favourite quotes about friendship:

"The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof." - Richard Bach, Illusions

"The less I know about other people's affairs, the happier I am. I'm not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes." - Ron Swanson, Parks & Recreation

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I don't make bosom friends very easily or very often. I am friendly enough (if a little shy), but it takes me a while to get into that emotional sharing zone with someone if at all. Jung may have been right with his personality types hypothesis since I am the epitome of the INFJ group I am categorised as when it comes to interpersonal relationships."

I'm not going to admit my Myers-Brigg type here

but yes, there's something in them perhaps.

I love your use of 'bosom friends'. I already referenced kindred spirits further up.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"People talk about fear of having got someone wrong as a reason for being cautious about building friendships on a deeper level. Is it not perhaps scarier to not take the risk?

definitely missing out. but I have a brilliant mask- strong, confident and happy. to show myself as vulnerable is a big thing.

and if your mother's best friend of 30 years tells you that she is not only a difficult person but has some nice traits as well- now that makes you tripple check your friends!!!

Being vulnerable is a big deal and definitely takes constant effort, yes. I'm working on my radical vulnerability!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"People talk about fear of having got someone wrong as a reason for being cautious about building friendships on a deeper level. Is it not perhaps scarier to not take the risk?

Ultimately yes, but short term fear usually wins out against long term fear...

Fear has held me back from many things in my life but now I use it to challenge myself. If I feel scared about something, it's probably something I should deal with.

And just so I don't take up another space in this thread, I have two of my favourite quotes about friendship:

"The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof." - Richard Bach, Illusions

Oh don't get me started talking about fear! Nods to all of this.

Love those quotes -- hadn't heard either. I've been recommended P&R to watch actually!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm hard work.

I make no effort and if I don't make any effort then things just drift and vanish.

Hence why I have no 'friends'. There are some people on here that I will answer any question and we can be completely open and frank with each other.

Having said that, I'm not that fussed. Growing up I wasn't interested in the same things so it didn't really matter.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *rightonsteveMan over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Don't make friends easily - they are more aquatinces than friends.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I'm hard work.

I make no effort and if I don't make any effort then things just drift and vanish.

Hence why I have no 'friends'. There are some people on here that I will answer any question and we can be completely open and frank with each other.

Having said that, I'm not that fussed. Growing up I wasn't interested in the same things so it didn't really matter."

I don't know that I fully buy your not being fussed, Swing. You're a sensitive soul (I mean that as a strength) and I think finding connection with people is important to you. You put energy into others on here.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Don't make friends easily - they are more aquatinces than friends. "

I recall you saying elsewhere that your 'people' are family, Steve - was that right?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ust PeachyWoman over a year ago

Prestonish

"Well I'll be honest and admit I don't have any female friends, maybe a work colleague or two but that's about it.

So as I am not from here I was pretty much doomed from the start and should have got out years ago, but hey it is what it is I suppose. "

Snap on the 'untrustworthy single fem'! Got dropped by most of my friends when I became single - they're all in relationships!

There's also the issue of fab. If you tell them they might be horrified and shun you (worse still tell everyone else) - but if you don't there's a large part of your life/social life you're not telling them about - hence you have to fib about where you've been/what you're up to - which creates barriers in itself!

Basically - either way you're fucked - and not in a good way!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Well I'll be honest and admit I don't have any female friends, maybe a work colleague or two but that's about it.

So as I am not from here I was pretty much doomed from the start and should have got out years ago, but hey it is what it is I suppose.

Snap on the 'untrustworthy single fem'! Got dropped by most of my friends when I became single - they're all in relationships!

Basically - either way you're fucked - and not in a good way!

Oh gosh, I'm really sorry to read this. I wonder what changes to make someone feel so insecure that they feel threatened by their single female friend? Yes, I can see how the fab aspect could create barriers, I'm pretty open with my close friends -- luckily they have no issue with it, in fact they see the benefit to me. They've got my back, although they'll also call me out when needed. I met one of my close friends on here too.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My friends are my nearest and dearest. They know absolutely everything worth knowing about me. We started as a two and now we're a four. We laugh, we cry, we dance, we fall, we pick each other up. I don't know what our secret is but I'm quite sure I don't want anything to spoil it.

Here's to mi bitches. Long may we be together.

As for any other friendships I value them but the bond and trust isn't as solid. I'm a very lucky lady.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"My friends are my nearest and dearest. They know absolutely everything worth knowing about me. We started as a two and now we're a four. We laugh, we cry, we dance, we fall, we pick each other up. I don't know what our secret is but I'm quite sure I don't want anything to spoil it.

Here's to mi bitches. Long may we be together.

As for any other friendships I value them but the bond and trust isn't as solid. I'm a very lucky lady. "

Here's to your four

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Historically, most of my friends have become such, because they've seen me at my best.

That means, face-to-face, in the flesh (or on cam), being myself and having fun.

Online, it can seem too much like hard work, trying to impress strangers into liking you, through words on a page. (You might've noticed, I rarely bother, in the forum - lol).

There are a few people on fab, who do interest me - Estella included... A cheeky face, a big heart and would probably make a worthwhile friend, for those lucky enough.

I don't make friends easily but when I do, I value them greatly. Genuine connections are very rare and when you find people who accept you without judgment, then treasure them. That nutter, whos on exactly the same wavelength and is as daft as you are.

A year ago, I started a meteoric friendship - an incandescent beginning, blazing like a fireball - but things went wrong, it ended with a smoking crater. That taught me to be more cautious.

The one true friendship I have now, grew slowly over 12 months and has cemented into something warm and brilliant, which I hope will last a long time.

(Nice job on the thread btw, OP - has been a fascinating read)

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Historically, most of my friends have become such, because they've seen me at my best.

That means, face-to-face, in the flesh (or on cam), being myself and having fun.

Online, it can seem too much like hard work, trying to impress strangers into liking you, through words on a page. (You might've noticed, I rarely bother, in the forum - lol).

There are a few people on fab, who do interest me - Estella included... A cheeky face, a big heart and would probably make a worthwhile friend, for those lucky enough.

A year ago, I started a meteoric friendship - an incandescent beginning, blazing like a fireball - but things went wrong, it ended with a smoking crater. That taught me to be more cautious.

The one true friendship I have now, grew slowly over 12 months and has cemented into something warm and brilliant, which I hope will last a long time.

(Nice job on the thread btw, OP - has been a fascinating read)"

Thanks! And thank you for your lovely compliments. You shouldn't be put off by words on the page in building friendships -- you have a lovely turn of phrase and it's very engaging.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'm hard work.

I make no effort and if I don't make any effort then things just drift and vanish.

Hence why I have no 'friends'. There are some people on here that I will answer any question and we can be completely open and frank with each other.

Having said that, I'm not that fussed. Growing up I wasn't interested in the same things so it didn't really matter.

Now that's an interesting one. I've never looked at it from that direction

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Friends is an interesting issue, I have many good acquaintences but a handful of good friends.

This community is about trust as far as I can see. Once trusted you can develop friendships. As a community, and it is borne out in the forums, there are plenty of people who will support you and lift you.

In life you lose friends, lose touch with friends and have many acquaintences but new friends only come along every so often

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I'm hard work.

I make no effort and if I don't make any effort then things just drift and vanish.

Hence why I have no 'friends'. There are some people on here that I will answer any question and we can be completely open and frank with each other.

Having said that, I'm not that fussed. Growing up I wasn't interested in the same things so it didn't really matter.

Now that's an interesting one. I've never looked at it from that direction "

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Friends is an interesting issue, I have many good acquaintences but a handful of good friends.

In life you lose friends, lose touch with friends and have many acquaintences but new friends only come along every so often"

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

I've only read the OP so may cover ground already trod.

I get to know a lot about people. I share a lot about myself. I don't have many friends but I am friendly and people are generally friendly towards me.

The bit that leads to true friendship for me is shared experiences that bind you. The rest is just information.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I've only read the OP so may cover ground already trod.

I get to know a lot about people. I share a lot about myself. I don't have many friends but I am friendly and people are generally friendly towards me.

The bit that leads to true friendship for me is shared experiences that bind you. The rest is just information.

I like that.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I've only read the OP so may cover ground already trod.

I get to know a lot about people. I share a lot about myself. I don't have many friends but I am friendly and people are generally friendly towards me.

The bit that leads to true friendship for me is shared experiences that bind you. The rest is just information.

Yes! It's that shared living that creates intimacy.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *iamondsmiles.Woman over a year ago

little house on the praire

I make "friends" easily. But my "true" friends we have been through everything together.

Its odd as i dont recall the transgression taking place.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I make "friends" easily. But my "true" friends we have been through everything together.

Its odd as i dont recall the transgression taking place. "

You seasoned together

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

» Add a new message to this topic