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Handy Hints
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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If you can't decide on prawn cocktail or cheese and onion crisps, simply open both bags and pour them into a bowl and shake the two flavours together. You can then enjoy a surprise in every bite as you randomly choose a crisp from the bowl. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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look really smart with ur phone if it has a shiny blackback...turn it over n pretend its a touchscreen...Ive even passed mine over to family/friends gettin them to view a 'video' and keep telling them the directions to slide their finger, no not like that, forward back, up...
priceless prank lol |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Reduce your electric bills by shortening all your electrical good's power cables to 2 inches.
This works with gas too."
Also.... you can save electricity by turning off all the lights in your house and walking around wearing a miner's hat. |
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By *mumaWoman
over a year ago
Livingston |
"Create the illusion of more space when selling your house by sawing the legs off your furniture and employing a dwarf as your estate agent."
Soapy, Funky's found you a new job!!!!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Recreate the fun of a visit to the public swimming pool in your own home by filling the bath with cold water, adding two bottles of bleach, then urinating in it before you jump in.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If a small child is choking on an ice cube.......don't panic.
Simply pour a jug of boiling water into their mouth & hey presto, the ice should simply melt. |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
WORRIED that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking red I wine? Drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed, to remove the stains.
MOTORISTS: When going through a speed camera, flash your lights twice quickly and watch the driver in front hit his brakes when he thinks he's been caught.
GAMBLERS: For a new gambling opportunity, try sending £50 to yourself by Royal Mail.
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
MEN: When listening to your favourite CD, simply turn up the sound to the volume you desire - then turn it down three notches. This saves your wife having to do it.
DRIVERS: Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone while driving. Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police will think you are listening to the sea.
BANGING two pistachio nut shells together gives the' impression a very small horse' is approaching. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"MEN: When listening to your favourite CD, simply turn up the sound to the volume you desire - then turn it down three notches. This saves your wife having to do it.
DRIVERS: Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone while driving. Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police will think you are listening to the sea.
BANGING two pistachio nut shells together gives the' impression a very small horse' is approaching."
Induced hysterical laughter ! |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
CINEMAGOERS: Have consideration for pirate DVD viewers by using the toilet before the film starts.
DRIVERS: If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your horn and wave your arms frantically. This should help the car start and send them on their way.
PREVENT burglars stealing everything in the house by moving everything into your bedroom when you go to bed. In the morning, move it all back again.
CAR THIEVES: Don't be discouraged if nothing is on view. The valuables may be hidden in the glove box or under a seat. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Make guests believe your home might be bugged by running your hands under tables and inside lampshades, then turning the shower on every time you want to speak.
"
hahaha Jimmeh!!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
Forum Mod |
"roll up bits of shit and send them anonymously to people u dont like who like malteasers... where is honeypot..."
Send pics of feet to those you know have feet phobias just to know that they may vomit on their shoes when they open the message expecting something delicious  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"roll up bits of shit and send them anonymously to people u dont like who like malteasers... where is honeypot...
Send pics of feet to those you know have feet phobias just to know that they may vomit on their shoes when they open the message expecting something delicious "
disgUsting...i should report n bloick u honeypot lol xxxxxxx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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If your vegitarian friends are coming to dinner just serve them chicken fillets or veal like everyone else is having. Veggies are always going on about how quorn substitutes taste the same..... so they wont notice the difference. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Weight watchers. Avoid that devilish temptation to nibble at the chocolate bar in the cupboard or fridge by not buying the fucking thing in the first place, you fat bastards.
"
hahahah |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Weight watchers. Avoid that devilish temptation to nibble at the chocolate bar in the cupboard or fridge by not buying the fucking thing in the first place, you fat bastards.
hahahah"
 I already do this |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Tips for in-laws birthday presents.
Collect throughout the year all those lovely solar powered garden lights and manicure kits you can get money off when you buy petrol. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Pretend you are having a party by going around the supermarket throwing loads of tins of pineapples, cocktail sausages and silverskin onions into the shopping trolley while humming Happy Birthday. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Women, draw a picture of your handbrake and gearstick on a Post-it and attach it to your dashboard. This will save you having to look down and search every time the lights change. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"PMSL
I hope you lot have asked Viz if you can quote all these 'Top Tips' ?
Very, very funny - please continue !"
Ive made some of mine up as have others lol however... and Ill reply to you in private.... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Make neighbours believe you're pregnant by talking at the fence holding a glass of orange juice instead of your usual can of brown ale then running to the toilet every five minutes and come back rubbing your tummy and winking at them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Make neighbours believe you're pregnant by talking at the fence holding a glass of orange juice instead of your usual can of brown ale then running to the toilet every five minutes and come back rubbing your tummy and winking at them."
That's a good one but I'd make medical history if I got preggers.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Make neighbours believe you're pregnant by talking at the fence holding a glass of orange juice instead of your usual can of brown ale then running to the toilet every five minutes and come back rubbing your tummy and winking at them.
That's a good one but I'd make medical history if I got preggers. "
Men make the neighbours think your woman is pregnant by assembling a cot in the garden and shouting 'coming love' every five mins.... |
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