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High-functioning anxiety
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"It's never affected me or any close family/friends so i think i would probably struggle to recognise it in others and put certain traits they were displaying down to something else and maybe not be quite as understanding as i could be, or should be. I'm very shy in person so get quite anxious and nervy in social situations and i find that a struggle. To be anxious all the time must be an awful. " It can be awful. Unfortunately, mind and body are related too, so there's knock-on effects. There's been a few occasions when I've had to take a step-back on here with people I was really enjoying communicating with. I just knew that anxiety was whacking me so hard that I probably couldn't match up to what they were looking for/needed. That pained me a lot  .
Channelled well though, there can be benefits - I do think anxious types are often very creative, kind, passionate and interesting.
Erm...."go us"
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"I've never thought of myself as particularly anxious but I recognise quite a few of those traits. And I get TattGuy's restaurant ordering aversion. I hate having to make phonecalls, for example. I put them off or try and find other ways to communicate. And these are normal phonecalls like booking a haircut or something. I haven't ordered a takeaway over the phone in a decade." I'm a sociable person and happy meeting new people in any situation. I get the telephone thing. I had a job a while back where I had to phone up businesses. I hated bothering them (it was selling) - I had to give up the job . | |||
"I've never thought of myself as particularly anxious but I recognise quite a few of those traits. And I get TattGuy's restaurant ordering aversion. I hate having to make phonecalls, for example. I put them off or try and find other ways to communicate. And these are normal phonecalls like booking a haircut or something. I haven't ordered a takeaway over the phone in a decade." I'm fine with ordering in a restaurant but I also hate making phone calls. It makes me very anxious and I rehearse what I'm going to say before I pick up the phone. If I can do stuff online or via post or email instead I will. | |||
"Although “high-functioning” anxiety isn’t an official medical diagnosis, many people identify with the phrase. It’s the difference between anxiety that keeps you frozen, and anxiety that pushes you through life, forcing you to move. Anxiety of the “high-functioning” variety is the latter, and because the person who experiences it is being “productive” and moving forward, it’s easy to pretend everything is OK, even if this isn’t the case. Here are some habits of those with high-functioning anxiety: "I apologise for literally everything that I could possibly need to apologise for, even for apologising too much, because I’m so scared of driving friends out of my life. I’ve found that a lot of times I apologise for the ‘ifs.’ ‘I’m sorry if I’m being too affectionate.’ ‘Sorry if I’m annoying you.’ ‘Sorry if I text you too much.’ Trying to break the habit but its not easy." "I nervous chatter. People think I’m ‘outgoing’ when it’s really just filling the air because I’m so nervous I can’t stop talking." "My ‘habit’ is being an overachiever. Because when you look at someone like me who’s good at compartmentalising, repressing, deflecting and my anxiety manifests in a way that makes me hyper-vigilant about very specific things (ie. work, staying occupied, list making) it can be so, so easy to only see the outcome/success and not the struggle of how I get there." "Overthinking everything I have done, said or that I will soon be doing. It’s the type of overthinking that kills me from the inside because it keeps on getting worse minute by minute until I have to tell my brain to stop thinking the worst out of everything." "Procrastination, typically due to worry over ‘how little time I have’ to get something done. Never mind that procrastination steals the time I do have." Anxiety can really eat away at you. It can be debilitating. High-functioning anxiety is also a massive burden even if it can be very hard to know if someone is experiencing it as they are still achieving, succeeding, functioning day to day. I relate so strongly to these specific habits that I have posted, do you experience these or anything similar? How does anxiety manifest for you? Or are you lucky in that it isn't something you have ever felt afflicted by, in which case, do you find it difficult to understand in others?" So much of that is exactly me. I try to control everything as much as I can, and get quite anally retentive about certain things. Overthinking is definitely one of my worst habits, it makes me doubt myself all the time. The fact I have 2 sons with severe anxiety disorders but the opposite end of the spectrum doesn't always mean that life is easy neither. It's a constant battle to get myself happy with how I am. X | |||
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"I wish my anxiety was high achieving, mine has stopped me from doing so many things over the years I feel like I've only lived half my life. I put things off that I know HAVE to be done until the very last second I can possibly get away with. I'm getting better with communicating face to face though." I get what you say about stopping you doing things. You're still young enough to work quietly and patiently at it though. I don't think we can change ourselves fundamentally, but we can find new ways to manage/overcome things. | |||
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"My partner is in the middle of this at the moment, due to circumstances outwith his control (aren't they always). It's getting him to recognise this, put it in context then make changes to help...but as he feels nothing is within his control, he cant." Nods, it is very tough. I'm sorry to hear he is struggling with things. It can be so overwhelming. How are you doing? It can be as hard on those closest to the person suffering, as often you're left constantly reassuring about your own intent when it gets misinterpreted, and that can in turn be really difficult as sometimes you get to the point of wanting to say, please just trust that I love you. Sending you both hugs. | |||
"I didn't realise there was a name for what I had until last year, talking to a friend. I thought my inability to talk to new people or go make an order in a restaurant was just nervousness. Opened my eyes a little bit, and explained so much. " Oh gosh yes! I mean 'labels' aren't a cure-all and for some they don't work at all. However, it can be useful to others to put into words what is happening for them, and rather reassuring to hear that it is common and others can relate. You're very good at talking to new people online by the way.  | |||
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"I hadn't heard this term before but some of the descriptions would fit me. Definitely the overthinking part... " Do you think?! 
Yes, I overthink like you would not believe! I read a very useful piece of advice that I hold on to -- that thinking through a problem is useful, but rumination is only productive in the first 5-10mins. So once you've hit that amount of time you're only re-traumatising yourself with endless what ifs...which are massively unhelpful. I now try and keep conscious of how long I've been thinking about something when I'm overworrying. And force myself to go and do something else once I'm know I'm operating in the unhelpful time period!
It's not perfect, but it's a good reminder. Also the different types of thinking explanations is useful - cognitive distortions. I'll post them for you to look at. It's rather a lot of info, but sooooo useful (and if you already knew about them, someone else may find it helpful instead!)
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"I know that anxiety has come to dominate my life. I can't really describe it as "high-achieving" as I've gone from being kind of a high-achiever to being in the bottom of the heap. Anxiety was a big part of that, IMO. Is this a new term - I'm not really sure it's a thing", more just a way of saying anxiety can be used as a catalyst by some people. I recognise quite a few of the traits there - the apologising, the over-thinking etc. The thing is - all that becomes so ingrained, so banal and so normal to you that it's hard to imagine living without them. I suspect some, including myself, are actually a touch scared of living without them, as there's a certain "kick" out of being like that and life might feel more dull and empty. It's certainly exhausting and debilitating though. " Oh gosh no, it's not a new thing - just a descriptor rather than a specific diagnosis - as you describe for the push that anxiety can give, but explaining how it's not quite simple as everything being okay. I'm sorry to hear your anxiety is actually having impact on you more greatly. It is hard. Sending you care and love x | |||
"But what if you are right? (No 14) "To be fair, it's a burden in itself to always be right, Meli. I mean *I* should know.  | |||
I over worry.
I over think.
I over aplogise.
I do put on a brave smiley happy go lucky face when things are going south.
But I think part of this is living in the lifestyle I do, moving every 3 years or so...making new friends , new surroundings you almost have to have a "I don't care/(if you like me, if you don't fine)" sometimes attitude which isn't really me. You certainly have to grow a set of balls so to speak.
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"It's never affected me or any close family/friends so i think i would probably struggle to recognise it in others and put certain traits they were displaying down to something else and maybe not be quite as understanding as i could be, or should be. I'm very shy in person so get quite anxious and nervy in social situations and i find that a struggle. To be anxious all the time must be an awful. " People are people are people eh? We never know what's going on for someone else, and we never get it right all the time, as I guess the key thing is that we have to 'learn' each other and be willing to. I am constantly on a journey of trying to put into words my own experiences of navigating this life, and I work with people similarly in my professional life. I have to say, the thing that I like most is that I learn everyday and that's a good feeling. If we ever meet at a social or similar we can be nervy and anxious together and then get belly laughing once over that. I think you'd be wonderful to meet with. | |||
Though I wouldn't call myself high achieving exactly and I curb most of my anxiety nowadays. | |||
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"It's never affected me or any close family/friends so i think i would probably struggle to recognise it in others and put certain traits they were displaying down to something else and maybe not be quite as understanding as i could be, or should be. I'm very shy in person so get quite anxious and nervy in social situations and i find that a struggle. To be anxious all the time must be an awful. It can be awful. Unfortunately, mind and body are related too, so there's knock-on effects. There's been a few occasions when I've had to take a step-back on here with people I was really enjoying communicating with. I just knew that anxiety was whacking me so hard that I probably couldn't match up to what they were looking for/needed. That pained me a lot .
Channelled well though, there can be benefits - I do think anxious types are often very creative, kind, passionate and interesting.
Erm...."go us"
"Yeah go diversity of the people!! Yeah! (worth noting non-anxious types can be all of those traits too ) | |||
"My ex husband is a high functioning anxious person - very high achieving and financially successful as a result. His motivation comes from a fear of not being good enough and he experiences imposter syndrome too. My anxiety is debilitating and some days I can't even think coherently. The joys of being an aspie! I'm an underachiever as a result. We were not well matched! " But  so you're matched in that.
Thank you for your input, and yes - imposter syndrome, oh gosh yes!!
Wishing you gentleness and some rest from the struggle. | |||
"I've never thought of myself as particularly anxious but I recognise quite a few of those traits. And I get TattGuy's restaurant ordering aversion. I hate having to make phonecalls, for example. I put them off or try and find other ways to communicate. And these are normal phonecalls like booking a haircut or something. I haven't ordered a takeaway over the phone in a decade." I am the same with phonecalls. I can do them no issue for work interestingly. I guess because the purpose is 'higher' than for me. It's the ones for me/about me/where I have to be *me* (not my work persona) that I struggle with. I think we often forget that everyone is dealing with their own things even before they interface with us. If that makes sense?! | |||
"I've never thought of myself as particularly anxious but I recognise quite a few of those traits. And I get TattGuy's restaurant ordering aversion. I hate having to make phonecalls, for example. I put them off or try and find other ways to communicate. And these are normal phonecalls like booking a haircut or something. I haven't ordered a takeaway over the phone in a decade. I'm a sociable person and happy meeting new people in any situation. I get the telephone thing. I had a job a while back where I had to phone up businesses. I hated bothering them (it was selling) - I had to give up the job ."I too am sociable and love to meet new people - unless there's something weighted in it (it's a date or a meet or an interview or something where I will be appraised by another and likely come up lacking, or where wanting the favourable outcome is important to me, when you like someone and are going to be meeting them....pressure!!) I can 'put it on' in social situations a lot and from that I can then get more comfortable. But it is the huge anxiety and build up beforehand that can knock me out. | |||
" So much of that is exactly me. I try to control everything as much as I can, and get quite anally retentive about certain things. Overthinking is definitely one of my worst habits, it makes me doubt myself all the time. The fact I have 2 sons with severe anxiety disorders but the opposite end of the spectrum doesn't always mean that life is easy neither. It's a constant battle to get myself happy with how I am. X " And you know what? My experience of you is how fabulous, friendly and engaging you are. How we feel/see ourselves can have such dissonance with how others perceive us. Hugs. | |||
"I wish my anxiety was high achieving, mine has stopped me from doing so many things over the years I feel like I've only lived half my life. I put things off that I know HAVE to be done until the very last second I can possibly get away with. I'm getting better with communicating face to face though." Yes! I have had periods where I've certainly not been high functioning. And that's awful. Simply awful. I was thinking about how when you are 'back up' and achieving how often people will assume things are fixed/sorted and not realise it is a battle still to get the day to day done, because now they are seeing the tangible achievements rather than the not managing. I'm sorry to hear your anxiety is preventing you so much. Putting things off, is something I am massively guilty of - it sucks. And well done, with the things you feel are getting better - that's awesome. Hugs. | |||
"I have a friend like this. Sadly its driven nearly all her friends away. Constant talking about herself and her worries and unhappiness, avoidance of socialising, insistence on checking her work to ensure its correct, refusal to accept medical treatment because ironically she's to anxious about what will happen if she doesn't worry about everything. In the 15 years I've known her its got progressively worse "Yes, that can be a very common story, it is so sad. Nods. It can be awful to be living / working with someone suffering from anxiety at a very debilitating level - as much as you care for them, you have to look after you too. | |||
"Okay so this is me. Exactly. I'm always striving to achieve more, I'm always apologising and always overthinking what I've said. I havent always been like it? Not sure when it changed. Interesting post Estella xxxx" That's an interesting thing to think about - if it has been a change in behaviour. Thanks - was ruminating last night and thought aha, this may resonate with others. | |||
"The latter two symptoms I express in spades. I'm a champion procrastinator with no time! And can overthink to the point I am off on a tangent so tenuously related to the original subject it could be an hour long tedious link on the Chris Moyles show!! "You so Moyles. And the answer that you seek is, if it feels good and doing it lifts you up and makes you a better you, then do it, fuck the risks, just do it.  | |||
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"I recognise lots of these scenarios. It can be completely overwhelming. I've found "headspace" a mindfulness app unlike any mindfulness/meditation I've tried before is most excellent! Give it a try, hope it helps xxx" Oh yes, it *is* good. And thank you, I'm okay by the way - I was thinking last night in terms of me, but also in terms of my work where I deal with these issues with people etc, I just thought I'd share a little insight into me, disclosing can help people relate/or understand/and be more accepting of others. | |||
"I've not heard the term before but I recognise the behaviour from others that I know. I've used the term 'driven' to describe them. Like some fear is behind them chasing them to do and achieve the things they do. High functioning anxiety is an excellent descriptor though and your personal examples helped me to connect the dots. I am much less anxious than I used to be. I am far more relaxed about all aspects of my life. There are things I did that helped me but too numerous to mention here, also pinpointing specific things that really made the difference is hard, because I did a lot of things at the time that may well have contributed." Yes, I felt the term was a useful descriptor. And you know me, I was just having a late night think think. | |||
"Cognitive Distortions: Aaron Beck first proposed the theory behind cognitive distortions and David Burns was responsible for popularizing it with common names and examples for the distortions. 1. Filtering. We take the negative details and magnify them while filtering out all positive aspects of a situation. For instance, a person may pick out a single, unpleasant detail and dwell on it exclusively so that their vision of reality becomes darkened or distorted. 2. Polarized Thinking (or “Black and White” Thinking). In polarized thinking, things are either “black-or-white.” We have to be perfect or we’re a failure — there is no middle ground. You place people or situations in “either/or” categories, with no shades of grey or allowing for the complexity of most people and situations. If your performance falls short of perfect, you see yourself as a total failure. 3. Overgeneralization. In this cognitive distortion, we come to a general conclusion based on a single incident or a single piece of evidence. If something bad happens only once, we expect it to happen over and over again. A person may see a single, unpleasant event as part of a never-ending pattern of defeat. 4. Jumping to Conclusions. Without individuals saying so, we know what they are feeling and why they act the way they do. In particular, we are able to determine how people are feeling toward us. For example, a person may conclude that someone is reacting negatively toward them but doesn’t actually bother to find out if they are correct. Another example is a person may anticipate that things will turn out badly, and will feel convinced that their prediction is already an established fact. 5. Catastrophizing. We expect disaster to strike, no matter what. This is also referred to as “magnifying or minimizing.” We hear about a problem and use what if questions (e.g., “What if tragedy strikes?” “What if it happens to me?”). For example, a person might exaggerate the importance of insignificant events (such as their mistake, or someone else’s achievement). Or they may inappropriately shrink the magnitude of significant events until they appear tiny (for example, a person’s own desirable qualities or someone else’s imperfections). With practice, you can learn to answer each of these cognitive distortions. 6. Personalization. Personalization is a distortion where a person believes that everything others do or say is some kind of direct, personal reaction to the person. We also compare ourselves to others trying to determine who is smarter, better looking, etc. A person engaging in personalization may also see themselves as the cause of some unhealthy external event that they were not responsible for. For example, “We were late to the dinner party and caused the hostess to overcook the meal. If I had only pushed my husband to leave on time, this wouldn’t have happened.” 7. Control Fallacies. If we feel externally controlled, we see ourselves as helpless a victim of fate. For example, “I can’t help it if the quality of the work is poor, my boss demanded I work overtime on it.” The fallacy of internal control has us assuming responsibility for the pain and happiness of everyone around us. For example, “Why aren’t you happy? Is it because of something I did?” 8. Fallacy of Fairness. We feel resentful because we think we know what is fair, but other people won’t agree with us. As our parents tell us when we’re growing up and something doesn’t go our way, “Life isn’t always fair.” People who go through life applying a measuring ruler against every situation judging its “fairness” will often feel badly and negative because of it. Because life isn’t “fair” — things will not always work out in your favour, even when you think they should. 9. Blaming. We hold other people responsible for our pain, or take the other track and blame ourselves for every problem. For example, “Stop making me feel bad about myself!” Nobody can “make” us feel any particular way — only we have control over our own emotions and emotional reactions. 10. Shoulds. We have a list of ironclad rules about how others and we should behave. People who break the rules make us angry, and we feel guilty when we violate these rules. A person may often believe they are trying to motivate themselves with shoulds and shouldn’ts, as if they have to be punished before they can do anything. For example, “I really should exercise. I shouldn’t be so lazy.” Musts and oughts are also offenders. The emotional consequence is guilt. When a person directs should statements toward others, they often feel anger, frustration and resentment. 11. Emotional Reasoning. We believe that what we feel must be true automatically. If we feel stupid and boring, then we must be stupid and boring. You assume that your unhealthy emotions reflect he way things really are — “I feel it, therefore it must be true.” 12. Fallacy of Change. We expect that other people will change to suit us if we just pressure or cajole them enough. We need to change people because our hopes for happiness seem to depend entirely on them. 13. Global Labelling. We generalize one or two qualities into a negative global judgment. These are extreme forms of generalizing, and are also referred to as “labelling” and “mislabelling.” Instead of describing an error in context of a specific situation, a person will attach an unhealthy label to themselves. For example, they may say, “I’m a loser” in a situation where they failed at a specific task. When someone else’s behaviour rubs a person the wrong way, they may attach an unhealthy label to him, such as “He’s a real jerk.” Mislabelling involves describing an event with language that is highly coloured and emotionally loaded. For example, instead of saying someone drops her children off at nursery every day, a person who is mislabelling might say that “she abandons her children to strangers.” 14. Always Being Right. We are continually on trial to prove that our opinions and actions are correct. Being wrong is unthinkable and we will go to any length to demonstrate our rightness. For example, “I don’t care how badly arguing with me makes you feel, I’m going to win this argument no matter what because I’m right.” Being right often is more important than the feelings of others around a person who engages in this cognitive distortion, even loved ones. 15. Heaven’s Reward Fallacy. We expect our sacrifice and self-denial to pay off, as if someone is keeping score. We feel bitter when the reward doesn’t come. (to be fair, you could play Cognitive Distortions Bingo on the Fab Forum!! )"Since most people do lots of these, is there a "score" lol?? Like in the old Jackie quizzes; Score 3 - normal Score 6 - seek help Score 9 - hide from all humanity etc... Just curious.  | |||
"Oh goodness....I have a lot of these traights
I over worry.
I over think.
I over aplogise.
I do put on a brave smiley happy go lucky face when things are going south.
But I think part of this is living in the lifestyle I do, moving every 3 years or so...making new friends , new surroundings you almost have to have a "I don't care/(if you like me, if you don't fine)" sometimes attitude which isn't really me. You certainly have to grow a set of balls so to speak.
"You have balls? You just get better and better
In all seriousness, yes - we all have to 'pop on our confidence coat' in all manner of situations and by doing that, people respond to you as if you have confidence, and reflect that back to you, which can increase your confidence etc etc. It's such an important thing to learn how to do. But you're right, it doesn't remove the anxiety and nervy wobbles underneath - I was thinking about how people assume how someone may 'surface present' is the be all and end all. | |||
"Yes and no... I do feel the need to apologize a lot, I over think things and I procrastinate a lot - actually I am right now.
Though I wouldn't call myself high achieving exactly and I curb most of my anxiety nowadays." hugs - you're great, you. | |||
"This is one of those threads where I could say so much but I'm reluctant to contribute. "I'm glad you're just sitting in here with me. That's perfectly perfect as it is. | |||
"I've had anxiety issues since I was a child. It took a long time to get to grips with some of it, the rest is helped by medication. I learned the hard way. " Nods. And there's nothing wrong with medication. I hope things are easier/easing now. | |||
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" So much of that is exactly me. I try to control everything as much as I can, and get quite anally retentive about certain things. Overthinking is definitely one of my worst habits, it makes me doubt myself all the time. The fact I have 2 sons with severe anxiety disorders but the opposite end of the spectrum doesn't always mean that life is easy neither. It's a constant battle to get myself happy with how I am. X And you know what? My experience of you is how fabulous, friendly and engaging you are. How we feel/see ourselves can have such dissonance with how others perceive us. Hugs. " Thank you, I was thinking the same of you. It truly is surprising to hear that how we criticise ourselves isn't at all how others see us. I do realise it's not an attractive quality and try not to let it take over. And it's good to know that whatever we're feeling we're not alone and the people you'd think were the most confident also feel the same. X | |||
" Since most people do lots of these, is there a "score" lol?? Like in the old Jackie quizzes; Score 3 - normal Score 6 - seek help Score 9 - hide from all humanity etc... Just curious. "Good question - no, I think you hit the nail on the head - that we all do all of these at times, and it's worth remembering as we are in a situation, am I falling into the trap of any of these? I find the descriptors are useful to help people look at their approaches/assumptions in thinking - and also to explain what was happening for me - when you're rebuilding communication if there's been a clash, where it's broken down. (that's all from the Dear Cathy & Claire page of Jackie magazine!!) | |||
"Recognising these traits within yourself is half the battle.I like to think I am aware of most of my flaws and recognise if I am about to exercise one, and take a breath." Breathing rocks. Keep on breathing. | |||
" So much of that is exactly me. I try to control everything as much as I can, and get quite anally retentive about certain things. Overthinking is definitely one of my worst habits, it makes me doubt myself all the time. The fact I have 2 sons with severe anxiety disorders but the opposite end of the spectrum doesn't always mean that life is easy neither. It's a constant battle to get myself happy with how I am. X And you know what? My experience of you is how fabulous, friendly and engaging you are. How we feel/see ourselves can have such dissonance with how others perceive us. Hugs. Thank you, I was thinking the same of you. It truly is surprising to hear that how we criticise ourselves isn't at all how others see us. I do realise it's not an attractive quality and try not to let it take over. And it's good to know that whatever we're feeling we're not alone and the people you'd think were the most confident also feel the same. X " Absolutely! You know what though - I do think being radically and authentically vulnerable *is* attractive. I know that's not what you meant, but equally don't think that we have to hide our vulnerabilities and our weaknesses from others completely - they make us us and as you just said, they can be a way of building strong connections with others through shared understanding. I think that's damned attractive! | |||
"Recognising these traits within yourself is half the battle.I like to think I am aware of most of my flaws and recognise if I am about to exercise one, and take a breath. Breathing rocks. Keep on breathing. "I have some very simple breathing exercises to help self control if you are interested? | |||
"Recognising these traits within yourself is half the battle.I like to think I am aware of most of my flaws and recognise if I am about to exercise one, and take a breath. Breathing rocks. Keep on breathing.
I have some very simple breathing exercises to help self control if you are interested? "Oh yes, share any resources / info for people here. If it helps one, it will help another and that's so important. Thank you. | |||
"Recognising these traits within yourself is half the battle.I like to think I am aware of most of my flaws and recognise if I am about to exercise one, and take a breath. Breathing rocks. Keep on breathing.
I have some very simple breathing exercises to help self control if you are interested?
Oh yes, share any resources / info for people here. If it helps one, it will help another and that's so important. Thank you. "Very straightforward. Everything is done to a slow count of four in your head. First breath in, from really low in your belly, not hard, just slow but deep. Then hold for a slow count of four. Gently breathe out to a slow count of four and finally rest (not breathing) for a slow count of four. Do a few cycles of this and it will bring your heart rate down and calm you mentally. It was taught for military about to go into action or in tough spots where they were panicking but I believe it's similar to other breathing exercises used in childbirth and sports people where they need to calm themselves in preparation for competition. It alos helps some with insomnia when you can't stop your brain from going into overdrive. I'm sure it won't work for everyone. But it's easy and simple and worth a try if you feel yourself getting anxious or awkward. For those of you who thought it would involve sucking something and breathing through your nose, sorry that's a a different thread of advanced breathing exercises. Next week I shall be covering spinal mobility.. | |||
"I've had anxiety issues since I was a child. It took a long time to get to grips with some of it, the rest is helped by medication. I learned the hard way. " Medication is the big help for me. I've tried everything else. | |||
"Recognising these traits within yourself is half the battle.I like to think I am aware of most of my flaws and recognise if I am about to exercise one, and take a breath. Breathing rocks. Keep on breathing.
I have some very simple breathing exercises to help self control if you are interested?
Oh yes, share any resources / info for people here. If it helps one, it will help another and that's so important. Thank you.
Very straightforward. Everything is done to a slow count of four in your head. First breath in, from really low in your belly, not hard, just slow but deep. Then hold for a slow count of four. Gently breathe out to a slow count of four and finally rest (not breathing) for a slow count of four. Do a few cycles of this and it will bring your heart rate down and calm you mentally.
It was taught for military about to go into action or in tough spots where they were panicking but I believe it's similar to other breathing exercises used in childbirth and sports people where they need to calm themselves in preparation for competition. It alos helps some with insomnia when you can't stop your brain from going into overdrive.
I'm sure it won't work for everyone. But it's easy and simple and worth a try if you feel yourself getting anxious or awkward.
For those of you who thought it would involve sucking something and breathing through your nose, sorry that's a a different thread of advanced breathing exercises.
Next week I shall be covering spinal mobility.. "I'll spinal tap in for next week's instalment.
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"I've had anxiety issues since I was a child. It took a long time to get to grips with some of it, the rest is helped by medication. I learned the hard way. Medication is the big help for me. I've tried everything else. " | |||
" So much of that is exactly me. I try to control everything as much as I can, and get quite anally retentive about certain things. Overthinking is definitely one of my worst habits, it makes me doubt myself all the time. The fact I have 2 sons with severe anxiety disorders but the opposite end of the spectrum doesn't always mean that life is easy neither. It's a constant battle to get myself happy with how I am. X And you know what? My experience of you is how fabulous, friendly and engaging you are. How we feel/see ourselves can have such dissonance with how others perceive us. Hugs. Thank you, I was thinking the same of you. It truly is surprising to hear that how we criticise ourselves isn't at all how others see us. I do realise it's not an attractive quality and try not to let it take over. And it's good to know that whatever we're feeling we're not alone and the people you'd think were the most confident also feel the same. X Absolutely! You know what though - I do think being radically and authentically vulnerable *is* attractive. I know that's not what you meant, but equally don't think that we have to hide our vulnerabilities and our weaknesses from others completely - they make us us and as you just said, they can be a way of building strong connections with others through shared understanding. I think that's damned attractive! "No I completely agree, I've only shared that side of me with a couple of people who were equally as vulnerable, and it's such a sexy attractive quality to connect together. X | |||
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"My partner is in the middle of this at the moment, due to circumstances outwith his control (aren't they always). It's getting him to recognise this, put it in context then make changes to help...but as he feels nothing is within his control, he cant. Nods, it is very tough. I'm sorry to hear he is struggling with things. It can be so overwhelming. How are you doing? It can be as hard on those closest to the person suffering, as often you're left constantly reassuring about your own intent when it gets misinterpreted, and that can in turn be really difficult as sometimes you get to the point of wanting to say, please just trust that I love you. Sending you both hugs. " Thank you. You're very kind and obviously very caring. He's a very closed person and has only just started to admit this, only because I think he's come to crisis point. I'm naturally intuitive and a carer personality so ill do whatever it takes. I understand now why he acts as he does and I can help. I think it's helping but it's early days xx | |||
"[Hugs exchanged between OP and poster at 20/05/17 12:10:35]" | |||
"My partner is in the middle of this at the moment, due to circumstances outwith his control (aren't they always). It's getting him to recognise this, put it in context then make changes to help...but as he feels nothing is within his control, he cant. Nods, it is very tough. I'm sorry to hear he is struggling with things. It can be so overwhelming. How are you doing? It can be as hard on those closest to the person suffering, as often you're left constantly reassuring about your own intent when it gets misinterpreted, and that can in turn be really difficult as sometimes you get to the point of wanting to say, please just trust that I love you. Sending you both hugs. Thank you. You're very kind and obviously very caring. He's a very closed person and has only just started to admit this, only because I think he's come to crisis point. I'm naturally intuitive and a carer personality so ill do whatever it takes. I understand now why he acts as he does and I can help. I think it's helping but it's early days xx" Wishing you both lots of strengths. There was a beautiful post by Rontammy on this thread the other day https://www.fabswingers.com/forum/lounge/635628 which referenced that through hard times their love (they are a couple) was perhaps forged more strongly so when they came out the other side in a perverse way they might almost be grateful for having had to face the difficulties. I hope this journey together builds your love in a similar fashion. | |||
"My partner is in the middle of this at the moment, due to circumstances outwith his control (aren't they always). It's getting him to recognise this, put it in context then make changes to help...but as he feels nothing is within his control, he cant. Nods, it is very tough. I'm sorry to hear he is struggling with things. It can be so overwhelming. How are you doing? It can be as hard on those closest to the person suffering, as often you're left constantly reassuring about your own intent when it gets misinterpreted, and that can in turn be really difficult as sometimes you get to the point of wanting to say, please just trust that I love you. Sending you both hugs. Thank you. You're very kind and obviously very caring. He's a very closed person and has only just started to admit this, only because I think he's come to crisis point. I'm naturally intuitive and a carer personality so ill do whatever it takes. I understand now why he acts as he does and I can help. I think it's helping but it's early days xx Wishing you both lots of strengths. There was a beautiful post by Rontammy on this thread the other day https://www.fabswingers.com/forum/lounge/635628 which referenced that through hard times their love (they are a couple) was perhaps forged more strongly so when they came out the other side in a perverse way they might almost be grateful for having had to face the difficulties. I hope this journey together builds your love in a similar fashion. "**strength (typo, sorry!) | |||
" No I completely agree, I've only shared that side of me with a couple of people who were equally as vulnerable, and it's such a sexy attractive quality to connect together. X " Yeah baby! | |||
"I hadn't heard this term before but some of the descriptions would fit me. Definitely the overthinking part... Do you think?!
Yes, I overthink like you would not believe! I read a very useful piece of advice that I hold on to -- that thinking through a problem is useful, but rumination is only productive in the first 5-10mins. So once you've hit that amount of time you're only re-traumatising yourself with endless what ifs...which are massively unhelpful. I now try and keep conscious of how long I've been thinking about something when I'm overworrying. And force myself to go and do something else once I'm know I'm operating in the unhelpful time period!
It's not perfect, but it's a good reminder. Also the different types of thinking explanations is useful - cognitive distortions. I'll post them for you to look at. It's rather a lot of info, but sooooo useful (and if you already knew about them, someone else may find it helpful instead!)
"Thanks that's really helpful, as is your following post. Given me something to think about | |||
"I hadn't heard this term before but some of the descriptions would fit me. Definitely the overthinking part... Do you think?!
Yes, I overthink like you would not believe! I read a very useful piece of advice that I hold on to -- that thinking through a problem is useful, but rumination is only productive in the first 5-10mins. So once you've hit that amount of time you're only re-traumatising yourself with endless what ifs...which are massively unhelpful. I now try and keep conscious of how long I've been thinking about something when I'm overworrying. And force myself to go and do something else once I'm know I'm operating in the unhelpful time period!
It's not perfect, but it's a good reminder. Also the different types of thinking explanations is useful - cognitive distortions. I'll post them for you to look at. It's rather a lot of info, but sooooo useful (and if you already knew about them, someone else may find it helpful instead!)
Thanks that's really helpful, as is your following post. Given me something to think about " - don't overthink it! Thanks for posting, it's been nice to share | |||
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"I also use breathing exercises. Quite often it is the hubby that tells me to breathe when he can see that I'm starting to panic or the hamster wheel in my head has started turning..." | |||
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"Really interesting and useful thread- thanks OP. "Oh gosh, jolly good. Thanks for saying | |||
I think it triggered a reminder of how I used to live.
Headache will go as I recover from the trigger and remember that that life is over now | |||
"a lovely thread. no, I don't have anxiety issues but got my own mental health issues as well as working in mental health. it's always sad to see how long people struggle and try to normalise things before they are ready to admit that things need to change. but that's the first huge step- the next one getting your ass of the sofa and actually do something about it. open up, talk to people, get help but work on it yourself as well. and yes, that includes myself- had a complete breakdown and because I am brilliant in having my "mask" on nobody noticed. in my professional life I see severely effected people/people who need to be detained - and often I wonder what would have happened if they realised earlier what was going wrong for them... rambling over, its Saturday night after all! "Nods enthusiastically. I related to this totally. I work in a similar field, and self-awareness of your own vulnerabilities is as important as helping others learn how to be self-aware of theirs. Happy Saturday. Keep well. | |||
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"Serious surprise for me, I read the opening post and got a headache straight away
I think it triggered a reminder of how I used to live.
Headache will go as I recover from the trigger and remember that that life is over now "I'm sorry that it caused that response. You're right though, that past has ended. What a celebration for your surviving. | |||
"Serious surprise for me, I read the opening post and got a headache straight away
I think it triggered a reminder of how I used to live.
Headache will go as I recover from the trigger and remember that that life is over now
I'm sorry that it caused that response. You're right though, that past has ended. What a celebration for your surviving. "No need to apologise, it's a good thing
Makes me realise how far I have come, and that will never be a bad thing | |||
"I've lost huge chunks of my life to anxiety. Now, I'm really good at dealing with it, although it presents itself physically by making me feel sick, raises my temperature and get a headache. I massively procrastinate and overthink things, but I'm learning to get past them and I've made sure to push myself into doing things I don't want to do. " Yes, so much this. It's taken me a long time to grieve the opportunities I didn't take due to fear. My heart aches for some of the what ifs and too lates. But, you know you can spend your whole time thinking about that or get out and start taking risks and being vulnerable and hoping. Here's to moving forward. ((hugs)) | |||
"Serious surprise for me, I read the opening post and got a headache straight away
I think it triggered a reminder of how I used to live.
Headache will go as I recover from the trigger and remember that that life is over now
I'm sorry that it caused that response. You're right though, that past has ended. What a celebration for your surviving.
No need to apologise, it's a good thing
Makes me realise how far I have come, and that will never be a bad thing "Now that is worth smiling over. Well done. | |||
"I've lost huge chunks of my life to anxiety. Now, I'm really good at dealing with it, although it presents itself physically by making me feel sick, raises my temperature and get a headache. I massively procrastinate and overthink things, but I'm learning to get past them and I've made sure to push myself into doing things I don't want to do. Yes, so much this. It's taken me a long time to grieve the opportunities I didn't take due to fear. My heart aches for some of the what ifs and too lates. But, you know you can spend your whole time thinking about that or get out and start taking risks and being vulnerable and hoping. Here's to moving forward. ((hugs))" | |||
"I've lost huge chunks of my life to anxiety. Now, I'm really good at dealing with it, although it presents itself physically by making me feel sick, raises my temperature and get a headache. I massively procrastinate and overthink things, but I'm learning to get past them and I've made sure to push myself into doing things I don't want to do. Yes, so much this. It's taken me a long time to grieve the opportunities I didn't take due to fear. My heart aches for some of the what ifs and too lates. But, you know you can spend your whole time thinking about that or get out and start taking risks and being vulnerable and hoping. Here's to moving forward. ((hugs))" Do move forward, don't regret the things. Do them now if you can or accept how life panned out. But best of all learn not to let opportunities slip away ever again | |||
"Serious surprise for me, I read the opening post and got a headache straight away
I think it triggered a reminder of how I used to live.
Headache will go as I recover from the trigger and remember that that life is over now
I'm sorry that it caused that response. You're right though, that past has ended. What a celebration for your surviving.
No need to apologise, it's a good thing
Makes me realise how far I have come, and that will never be a bad thing
Now that is worth smiling over. Well done. "It has taken effort when I think about it. But that's part of living, learning to put effort into yourself and not just everyone else around you. | |||
"I've lost huge chunks of my life to anxiety. Now, I'm really good at dealing with it, although it presents itself physically by making me feel sick, raises my temperature and get a headache. I massively procrastinate and overthink things, but I'm learning to get past them and I've made sure to push myself into doing things I don't want to do. Yes, so much this. It's taken me a long time to grieve the opportunities I didn't take due to fear. My heart aches for some of the what ifs and too lates. But, you know you can spend your whole time thinking about that or get out and start taking risks and being vulnerable and hoping. Here's to moving forward. ((hugs)) Do move forward, don't regret the things. Do them now if you can or accept how life panned out. But best of all learn not to let opportunities slip away ever again "I know this rationally, I'm just helping the heart catch up with the head. There's been a lot of tears lately as I think I'm *really* processing a lot of it. But yes, you're right. Nods. | |||
"Serious surprise for me, I read the opening post and got a headache straight away
I think it triggered a reminder of how I used to live.
Headache will go as I recover from the trigger and remember that that life is over now
I'm sorry that it caused that response. You're right though, that past has ended. What a celebration for your surviving.
No need to apologise, it's a good thing
Makes me realise how far I have come, and that will never be a bad thing
Now that is worth smiling over. Well done.
It has taken effort when I think about it. But that's part of living, learning to put effort into yourself and not just everyone else around you."Rescue yourself first | |||
"I've lost huge chunks of my life to anxiety. Now, I'm really good at dealing with it, although it presents itself physically by making me feel sick, raises my temperature and get a headache. I massively procrastinate and overthink things, but I'm learning to get past them and I've made sure to push myself into doing things I don't want to do. Yes, so much this. It's taken me a long time to grieve the opportunities I didn't take due to fear. My heart aches for some of the what ifs and too lates. But, you know you can spend your whole time thinking about that or get out and start taking risks and being vulnerable and hoping. Here's to moving forward. ((hugs)) Do move forward, don't regret the things. Do them now if you can or accept how life panned out. But best of all learn not to let opportunities slip away ever again
I know this rationally, I'm just helping the heart catch up with the head. There's been a lot of tears lately as I think I'm *really* processing a lot of it. But yes, you're right. Nods. "The catharsis is good. Don't forget to batter a few pillows too xx | |||
"I've lost huge chunks of my life to anxiety. Now, I'm really good at dealing with it, although it presents itself physically by making me feel sick, raises my temperature and get a headache. I massively procrastinate and overthink things, but I'm learning to get past them and I've made sure to push myself into doing things I don't want to do. Yes, so much this. It's taken me a long time to grieve the opportunities I didn't take due to fear. My heart aches for some of the what ifs and too lates. But, you know you can spend your whole time thinking about that or get out and start taking risks and being vulnerable and hoping. Here's to moving forward. ((hugs)) Do move forward, don't regret the things. Do them now if you can or accept how life panned out. But best of all learn not to let opportunities slip away ever again
I know this rationally, I'm just helping the heart catch up with the head. There's been a lot of tears lately as I think I'm *really* processing a lot of it. But yes, you're right. Nods.
The catharsis is good. Don't forget to batter a few pillows too xx"I don't seem to get angry. Maybe I *need* to.  | |||
"But best of all learn not to let opportunities slip away ever again
I know this rationally, I'm just helping the heart catch up with the head. There's been a lot of tears lately as I think I'm *really* processing a lot of it. But yes, you're right. Nods. "Knowing it is a good start, and processing is very hard work. Keep at it though | |||
"The catharsis is good. Don't forget to batter a few pillows too xx
I don't seem to get angry. Maybe I *need* to. "Do you have residual anger in you? | |||
"The catharsis is good. Don't forget to batter a few pillows too xx
I don't seem to get angry. Maybe I *need* to.
Do you have residual anger in you?"No. Only at myself. But no, not really. | |||
"But best of all learn not to let opportunities slip away ever again
I know this rationally, I'm just helping the heart catch up with the head. There's been a lot of tears lately as I think I'm *really* processing a lot of it. But yes, you're right. Nods.
Knowing it is a good start, and processing is very hard work. Keep at it though " | |||
"The catharsis is good. Don't forget to batter a few pillows too xx
I don't seem to get angry. Maybe I *need* to.
Do you have residual anger in you?
No. Only at myself. But no, not really. "Then I'd say there's no need to. Sounds more like self forgiveness is in order? | |||
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"The catharsis is good. Don't forget to batter a few pillows too xx
I don't seem to get angry. Maybe I *need* to.
Do you have residual anger in you?
No. Only at myself. But no, not really.
Then I'd say there's no need to. Sounds more like self forgiveness is in order?"Oooooffft. Self-what?! Blimey. That hit me. | |||
"Oh and think how well loved you are here Estella and share some of that back on yourself "Oh! You! | |||
"My ‘habit’ is being an overachiever. Because when you look at someone like me who’s good at compartmentalising, repressing, deflecting and my anxiety manifests in a way that makes me hyper-vigilant about very specific things (ie. work, staying occupied, list making) it can be so, so easy to only see the outcome/success and not the struggle of how I get there." " I would never say I was an over achiever, but I feel in the eyes of friends and family I'm seen as someone with everything together, a good career, well in life, etc and am the go to for advice and support with them. Over the last few months the anxiety the pressure I've maniefested has become insane but I've recently started seeing a counsellor and working through the way I handle and manage expectations of myself. Anxiety is a crazy thing and something I don't think gets talked about because it's so easy to internalise it and let it build, and wear a mask to hide it in your day to day. Thanks for bringing it up OP x | |||
"Oh and think how well loved you are here Estella and share some of that back on yourself
Oh! You!" | |||
"I've lost huge chunks of my life to anxiety. Now, I'm really good at dealing with it, although it presents itself physically by making me feel sick, raises my temperature and get a headache. I massively procrastinate and overthink things, but I'm learning to get past them and I've made sure to push myself into doing things I don't want to do. Yes, so much this. It's taken me a long time to grieve the opportunities I didn't take due to fear. My heart aches for some of the what ifs and too lates. But, you know you can spend your whole time thinking about that or get out and start taking risks and being vulnerable and hoping. Here's to moving forward. ((hugs)) Do move forward, don't regret the things. Do them now if you can or accept how life panned out. But best of all learn not to let opportunities slip away ever again
I know this rationally, I'm just helping the heart catch up with the head. There's been a lot of tears lately as I think I'm *really* processing a lot of it. But yes, you're right. Nods.
The catharsis is good. Don't forget to batter a few pillows too xx
I don't seem to get angry. Maybe I *need* to. "Angry is good, angry gets shit done - Compe Anansi. | |||
"My ‘habit’ is being an overachiever. Because when you look at someone like me who’s good at compartmentalising, repressing, deflecting and my anxiety manifests in a way that makes me hyper-vigilant about very specific things (ie. work, staying occupied, list making) it can be so, so easy to only see the outcome/success and not the struggle of how I get there." I would never say I was an over achiever, but I feel in the eyes of friends and family I'm seen as someone with everything together, a good career, well in life, etc and am the go to for advice and support with them. Over the last few months the anxiety the pressure I've maniefested has become insane but I've recently started seeing a counsellor and working through the way I handle and manage expectations of myself. Anxiety is a crazy thing and something I don't think gets talked about because it's so easy to internalise it and let it build, and wear a mask to hide it in your day to day. Thanks for bringing it up OP x" Yes, being the one that people turn to for support - that resonates for me. And often I find it's not just that you're seen as the strong one so not in need of support yourself, but that when you *do* require support, perhaps others are not able to take on your needs alongside yours so those that you buoy up, are unable to be your safe spaces. (projecting, sorry!) I'm glad you're recognising the need for support and accessing it. Be well. | |||
"My ‘habit’ is being an overachiever. Because when you look at someone like me who’s good at compartmentalising, repressing, deflecting and my anxiety manifests in a way that makes me hyper-vigilant about very specific things (ie. work, staying occupied, list making) it can be so, so easy to only see the outcome/success and not the struggle of how I get there." I would never say I was an over achiever, but I feel in the eyes of friends and family I'm seen as someone with everything together, a good career, well in life, etc and am the go to for advice and support with them. Over the last few months the anxiety the pressure I've maniefested has become insane but I've recently started seeing a counsellor and working through the way I handle and manage expectations of myself. Anxiety is a crazy thing and something I don't think gets talked about because it's so easy to internalise it and let it build, and wear a mask to hide it in your day to day. Thanks for bringing it up OP x Yes, being the one that people turn to for support - that resonates for me. And often I find it's not just that you're seen as the strong one so not in need of support yourself, but that when you *do* require support, perhaps others are not able to take on your needs alongside THEIRS so those that you buoy up, are unable to be your safe spaces. (projecting, sorry!) I'm glad you're recognising the need for support and accessing it. Be well. " Typo fixed - THEIRS | |||
" Angry is good, angry gets shit done - Compe Anansi. " High-functioning anxiety gets shit done too! But are either healthy permanent states? | |||
"Angry is good, angry gets shit done - Compe Anansi. "
I know I don't view the world the same as the majority of people do; I read the forum and can see that but will try and respond to the OP.
I know I am an overachiever and push myself too far at times. I know how bad I get. (Staying vague 'cause some dickwad will try and use it against me). But I like feeling. I like my emotions and the range of them even the not good ones. I like anger. It helps focus my mind and work through things better than my darker moods. Personally I'd rather feel something over nothing.
I understand where other people come from in terms of their own health but I don't. Because you can't unless you've lived their life. | |||
" Angry is good, angry gets shit done - Compe Anansi. High-functioning anxiety gets shit done too! But are either healthy permanent states? "Just relaxed, high, functioning? | |||
" Angry is good, angry gets shit done - Compe Anansi. High-functioning anxiety gets shit done too! But are either healthy permanent states? "No, living in a state of near constant flight or fight isn't good, I can personally confirm that. But anger can be good. Do I get angry about a bus being late or a lengthy supermarket queue? No, I'm quite chilled about that. But if a work colleague mocks another work colleagues with a learning disability? Yes I'm going to get angry. | |||
" Angry is good, angry gets shit done - Compe Anansi. High-functioning anxiety gets shit done too! But are either healthy permanent states?
No, living in a state of near constant flight or fight isn't good, I can personally confirm that.
But anger can be good. Do I get angry about a bus being late or a lengthy supermarket queue? No, I'm quite chilled about that.
But if a work colleague mocks another work colleagues with a learning disability? Yes I'm going to get angry. "Oh I think we know I get angry in that way! I meant re the losses/what ifs I was referring to not having pursued due to anxiety and other things - I don't feel angry about those. Just loss. Sadness. But YEAH righteous anger makes me *live* at times. | |||
"Angry is good, angry gets shit done - Compe Anansi.
I know I don't view the world the same as the majority of people do; I read the forum and can see that but will try and respond to the OP.
I know I am an overachiever and push myself too far at times. I know how bad I get. (Staying vague 'cause some dickwad will try and use it against me). But I like feeling. I like my emotions and the range of them even the not good ones. I like anger. It helps focus my mind and work through things better than my darker moods. Personally I'd rather feel something over nothing.
I understand where other people come from in terms of their own health but I don't. Because you can't unless you've lived their life. "You know you're right - I'm posting these things partly in acceptance and celebration of what/who I am. I would change *everything* about me and then I wouldn't change *anything*. Thank you for your post. It's informative and insightful for me. | |||
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" Angry is good, angry gets shit done - Compe Anansi. High-functioning anxiety gets shit done too! But are either healthy permanent states?
Just relaxed, high, functioning?"Sorry KM, not sure I follow? | |||
"Your opening post describes me to a tee. It's given me lots to think about " Don't overthink it in a bad way
We all have more similarities than differences really. | |||
" Angry is good, angry gets shit done - Compe Anansi. High-functioning anxiety gets shit done too! But are either healthy permanent states?
No, living in a state of near constant flight or fight isn't good, I can personally confirm that.
But anger can be good. Do I get angry about a bus being late or a lengthy supermarket queue? No, I'm quite chilled about that.
But if a work colleague mocks another work colleagues with a learning disability? Yes I'm going to get angry.
Oh I think we know I get angry in that way!
I meant re the losses/what ifs I was referring to not having pursued due to anxiety and other things - I don't feel angry about those. Just loss. Sadness.
But YEAH righteous anger makes me *live* at times. "Ah yes, I do see what you mean now. It's been a long day and the wine is showing its affect. Yes, I get angry at regrets. Dropping out of university for instance. The attitude of some people on here and the real world, it's like I may as well not exist as it don't have a degree. But it's not real anger, just melancholy. Plus I know that things just happen. If I hadn't have dropped out of uni, I wouldn't have met my wife. | |||
"You know you're right - I'm posting these things partly in acceptance and celebration of what/who I am. I would change *everything* about me and then I wouldn't change *anything*. Thank you for your post. It's informative and insightful for me. " Oh, it wasn't meant to read as a slight against you or this thread. .. I think having people know they are not alone is important. And discuss it. I was trying to say that I know I have some of the aforementioned but I would rather feel a bit than nothing as I did before. And was hoping I wouldn't be alone in feeling that way. Not a slight. I guess I shouldn't post on a thread like this. I don't seem to post right. Or maybe it's late and insomnia is making me more me. | |||
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" Angry is good, angry gets shit done - Compe Anansi. High-functioning anxiety gets shit done too! But are either healthy permanent states?
No, living in a state of near constant flight or fight isn't good, I can personally confirm that.
But anger can be good. Do I get angry about a bus being late or a lengthy supermarket queue? No, I'm quite chilled about that.
But if a work colleague mocks another work colleagues with a learning disability? Yes I'm going to get angry.
Oh I think we know I get angry in that way!
I meant re the losses/what ifs I was referring to not having pursued due to anxiety and other things - I don't feel angry about those. Just loss. Sadness.
But YEAH righteous anger makes me *live* at times.
Ah yes, I do see what you mean now. It's been a long day and the wine is showing its affect.
Yes, I get angry at regrets. Dropping out of university for instance. The attitude of some people on here and the real world, it's like I may as well not exist as it don't have a degree.
But it's not real anger, just melancholy. Plus I know that things just happen. If I hadn't have dropped out of uni, I wouldn't have met my wife. "Nods | |||
"You know you're right - I'm posting these things partly in acceptance and celebration of what/who I am. I would change *everything* about me and then I wouldn't change *anything*. Thank you for your post. It's informative and insightful for me. Oh, it wasn't meant to read as a slight against you or this thread. .. I think having people know they are not alone is important. And discuss it. I was trying to say that I know I have some of the aforementioned but I would rather feel a bit than nothing as I did before. And was hoping I wouldn't be alone in feeling that way. Not a slight. I guess I shouldn't post on a thread like this. I don't seem to post right. Or maybe it's late and insomnia is making me more me." Stop right now, you. I read it exactly as you posted and clarified. I was agreeing that I actually do also like some of the things that I struggle with as I like who I am because of the struggling. I didn't read your post as a slight in the slightest! And relax. All is good!! | |||
"You know you're right - I'm posting these things partly in acceptance and celebration of what/who I am. I would change *everything* about me and then I wouldn't change *anything*. Thank you for your post. It's informative and insightful for me. Oh, it wasn't meant to read as a slight against you or this thread. .. I think having people know they are not alone is important. And discuss it. I was trying to say that I know I have some of the aforementioned but I would rather feel a bit than nothing as I did before. And was hoping I wouldn't be alone in feeling that way. Not a slight. I guess I shouldn't post on a thread like this. I don't seem to post right. Or maybe it's late and insomnia is making me more me." Please post what you think. How you feel isn't necessarily wrong, it's more how you act? I'd rather feel than be dead inside. | |||
"Understanding the triune brain model and how the nervous system works can be very helpful in helping anxiety. And learning how to tone the vagus nerve." Utter filth. Love it when you talk dirty.
(in seriousness, yes ) | |||
"You know you're right - I'm posting these things partly in acceptance and celebration of what/who I am. I would change *everything* about me and then I wouldn't change *anything*. Thank you for your post. It's informative and insightful for me. Oh, it wasn't meant to read as a slight against you or this thread. .. I think having people know they are not alone is important. And discuss it. I was trying to say that I know I have some of the aforementioned but I would rather feel a bit than nothing as I did before. And was hoping I wouldn't be alone in feeling that way. Not a slight. I guess I shouldn't post on a thread like this. I don't seem to post right. Or maybe it's late and insomnia is making me more me. Please post what you think. How you feel isn't necessarily wrong, it's more how you act? I'd rather feel than be dead inside. " Agreed | |||
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"Understanding the triune brain model and how the nervous system works can be very helpful in helping anxiety. And learning how to tone the vagus nerve. Utter filth. Love it when you talk dirty.
(in seriousness, yes )"How about this... Amygdala hijack. That get you going? | |||
"Unfortunately society in general these days, being so fast paced and falsely idealistic, just can't cope with 'invisible' illnesses because they can't be (disgustingly) justified enough in 'normal' people's peripheral minds because there is no consequence of illness usually, just that person who is "miserable, won't go out" or "a nightmare as they can't do anything for themselves" and can't better themselves in work because they come across as weak! I don't have a solution (I wish I did) but I do know that a struggling NHS and local governments would save millions by tackling these ever growing illnesses head on, even if billions need to be spent initially, it will save the country Trillions later. Just my opinion (I've suffered from depression previously)" And better funding for the Arts, recognition that investment in helping people express themselves, get creative and realise their uniqueness is a way of helping normalise our differences rather than alienating us further. | |||
"Understanding the triune brain model and how the nervous system works can be very helpful in helping anxiety. And learning how to tone the vagus nerve. Utter filth. Love it when you talk dirty.
(in seriousness, yes )
How about this... Amygdala hijack. That get you going? "It actually does. It really actually does. There's something wrong with me! | |||
"Unfortunately society in general these days, being so fast paced and falsely idealistic, just can't cope with 'invisible' illnesses because they can't be (disgustingly) justified enough in 'normal' people's peripheral minds because there is no consequence of illness usually, just that person who is "miserable, won't go out" or "a nightmare as they can't do anything for themselves" and can't better themselves in work because they come across as weak! I don't have a solution (I wish I did) but I do know that a struggling NHS and local governments would save millions by tackling these ever growing illnesses head on, even if billions need to be spent initially, it will save the country Trillions later. Just my opinion (I've suffered from depression previously) And better funding for the Arts, recognition that investment in helping people express themselves, get creative and realise their uniqueness is a way of helping normalise our differences rather than alienating us further. " Yes I tried to access art therapy, but due to funding it was very much prioritised towards those at the 'extreme' end. Not that they didn't deserve it, but it's short term thinking. | |||
"Unfortunately society in general these days, being so fast paced and falsely idealistic, just can't cope with 'invisible' illnesses because they can't be (disgustingly) justified enough in 'normal' people's peripheral minds because there is no consequence of illness usually, just that person who is "miserable, won't go out" or "a nightmare as they can't do anything for themselves" and can't better themselves in work because they come across as weak! I don't have a solution (I wish I did) but I do know that a struggling NHS and local governments would save millions by tackling these ever growing illnesses head on, even if billions need to be spent initially, it will save the country Trillions later. Just my opinion (I've suffered from depression previously) And better funding for the Arts, recognition that investment in helping people express themselves, get creative and realise their uniqueness is a way of helping normalise our differences rather than alienating us further. Yes I tried to access art therapy, but due to funding it was very much prioritised towards those at the 'extreme' end. Not that they didn't deserve it, but it's short term thinking. " Exactly this! The 'not extreme' can become the extreme, it's fire fighting with a water pistol! | |||
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"Understanding the triune brain model and how the nervous system works can be very helpful in helping anxiety. And learning how to tone the vagus nerve. Utter filth. Love it when you talk dirty.
(in seriousness, yes )"I said Vagus lol What did you think I meant? lol The stuff by Aaron back is helpful but anxiety is more to do with emotions not thinking or behaviour. plus looking at things from a physiological rather than psychological perspective is more useful in my opinion. | |||
"Unfortunately society in general these days, being so fast paced and falsely idealistic, just can't cope with 'invisible' illnesses because they can't be (disgustingly) justified enough in 'normal' people's peripheral minds because there is no consequence of illness usually, just that person who is "miserable, won't go out" or "a nightmare as they can't do anything for themselves" and can't better themselves in work because they come across as weak! I don't have a solution (I wish I did) but I do know that a struggling NHS and local governments would save millions by tackling these ever growing illnesses head on, even if billions need to be spent initially, it will save the country Trillions later. Just my opinion (I've suffered from depression previously) And better funding for the Arts, recognition that investment in helping people express themselves, get creative and realise their uniqueness is a way of helping normalise our differences rather than alienating us further. Yes I tried to access art therapy, but due to funding it was very much prioritised towards those at the 'extreme' end. Not that they didn't deserve it, but it's short term thinking. " I mean even at school/education level. There needs to be more investment in arts and not just the reductionist curriculum focusing solely on STEM subjects. | |||
"Unfortunately society in general these days, being so fast paced and falsely idealistic, just can't cope with 'invisible' illnesses because they can't be (disgustingly) justified enough in 'normal' people's peripheral minds because there is no consequence of illness usually, just that person who is "miserable, won't go out" or "a nightmare as they can't do anything for themselves" and can't better themselves in work because they come across as weak! I don't have a solution (I wish I did) but I do know that a struggling NHS and local governments would save millions by tackling these ever growing illnesses head on, even if billions need to be spent initially, it will save the country Trillions later. Just my opinion (I've suffered from depression previously) And better funding for the Arts, recognition that investment in helping people express themselves, get creative and realise their uniqueness is a way of helping normalise our differences rather than alienating us further. Yes I tried to access art therapy, but due to funding it was very much prioritised towards those at the 'extreme' end. Not that they didn't deserve it, but it's short term thinking. Exactly this! The 'not extreme' can become the extreme, it's fire fighting with a water pistol! "Yes, a clearly move to prevention work for and raising awareness in the general public around wellbeing etc. A better focus on early intervention and as you say, not simply firefighting at the crisis or severe/enduring end. | |||
"Unfortunately society in general these days, being so fast paced and falsely idealistic, just can't cope with 'invisible' illnesses because they can't be (disgustingly) justified enough in 'normal' people's peripheral minds because there is no consequence of illness usually, just that person who is "miserable, won't go out" or "a nightmare as they can't do anything for themselves" and can't better themselves in work because they come across as weak! I don't have a solution (I wish I did) but I do know that a struggling NHS and local governments would save millions by tackling these ever growing illnesses head on, even if billions need to be spent initially, it will save the country Trillions later. Just my opinion (I've suffered from depression previously) And better funding for the Arts, recognition that investment in helping people express themselves, get creative and realise their uniqueness is a way of helping normalise our differences rather than alienating us further. Yes I tried to access art therapy, but due to funding it was very much prioritised towards those at the 'extreme' end. Not that they didn't deserve it, but it's short term thinking. Exactly this! The 'not extreme' can become the extreme, it's fire fighting with a water pistol!
Yes, a clearly move to prevention work for and raising awareness in the general public around wellbeing etc. A better focus on early intervention and as you say, not simply firefighting at the crisis or severe/enduring end. "**clearer | |||
"Not the same condition but my life changed when I got into climbing, wild camping etc. When you realise you can be happy with no material possessions and that you can actually just take off and escape for a few days. We all have commitments but remember you are free! Take advantage of it x" Yes, that's an excellent piece of advice | |||
"Understanding the triune brain model and how the nervous system works can be very helpful in helping anxiety. And learning how to tone the vagus nerve. Utter filth. Love it when you talk dirty.
(in seriousness, yes )
I said Vagus lol
What did you think I meant? lol
The stuff by Aaron back is helpful but anxiety is more to do with emotions not thinking or behaviour.
plus looking at things from a physiological rather than psychological perspective is more useful in my opinion."Your opinion is valid. As are different opinions! What a joy that there can be diversity of opinions! I don't disagree with you completely. However, this thread is not about telling people absolutes. That's a little too black and white thinking, and not always helpful to everyone.
I was joking re the talking dirty. I understood what you were saying. | |||
"Understanding the triune brain model and how the nervous system works can be very helpful in helping anxiety. And learning how to tone the vagus nerve. Utter filth. Love it when you talk dirty.
(in seriousness, yes )
How about this... Amygdala hijack. That get you going? "thats based on the work of Joseph LeDoux who also has a very good model of how the brain works. both models are very good. | |||
"Understanding the triune brain model and how the nervous system works can be very helpful in helping anxiety. And learning how to tone the vagus nerve. Utter filth. Love it when you talk dirty.
(in seriousness, yes )
I said Vagus lol
What did you think I meant? lol
The stuff by Aaron back is helpful but anxiety is more to do with emotions not thinking or behaviour.
plus looking at things from a physiological rather than psychological perspective is more useful in my opinion.
Your opinion is valid. As are different opinions! What a joy that there can be diversity of opinions!
I don't disagree with you completely. However, this thread is not about telling people absolutes. That's a little too black and white thinking, and not always helpful to everyone.
I was joking re the talking dirty. I understood what you were saying. "I know you were joking so was I 
I normally have the opposite of black and white thinking - model agnosticism.
CBT was influenced by REBT and REBT was influenced by general semantics but most people who use CBT have never heard of general semantics and very few know anything about REBT. knowing and practising applying general semantics is better then CBT in my experience.
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"Oh and think how well loved you are here Estella and share some of that back on yourself " | |||
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"You know you're right - I'm posting these things partly in acceptance and celebration of what/who I am. I would change *everything* about me and then I wouldn't change *anything*. Thank you for your post. It's informative and insightful for me. Oh, it wasn't meant to read as a slight against you or this thread. .. I think having people know they are not alone is important. And discuss it. I was trying to say that I know I have some of the aforementioned but I would rather feel a bit than nothing as I did before. And was hoping I wouldn't be alone in feeling that way. Not a slight. I guess I shouldn't post on a thread like this. I don't seem to post right. Or maybe it's late and insomnia is making me more me. Please post what you think. How you feel isn't necessarily wrong, it's more how you act? I'd rather feel than be dead inside. "
I like these types of threads, they show that everyone is quite similar in some ways... sharing so many feelings and experiences. We're not alone. | |||
"My ‘habit’ is being an overachiever. Because when you look at someone like me who’s good at compartmentalising, repressing, deflecting and my anxiety manifests in a way that makes me hyper-vigilant about very specific things (ie. work, staying occupied, list making) it can be so, so easy to only see the outcome/success and not the struggle of how I get there." I would never say I was an over achiever, but I feel in the eyes of friends and family I'm seen as someone with everything together, a good career, well in life, etc and am the go to for advice and support with them. Over the last few months the anxiety the pressure I've maniefested has become insane but I've recently started seeing a counsellor and working through the way I handle and manage expectations of myself. Anxiety is a crazy thing and something I don't think gets talked about because it's so easy to internalise it and let it build, and wear a mask to hide it in your day to day. Thanks for bringing it up OP x Yes, being the one that people turn to for support - that resonates for me. And often I find it's not just that you're seen as the strong one so not in need of support yourself, but that when you *do* require support, perhaps others are not able to take on your needs alongside yours so those that you buoy up, are unable to be your safe spaces. (projecting, sorry!) I'm glad you're recognising the need for support and accessing it. Be well. " Yes OP, it is hard when the ones you support can't be the ones to support you back. It's taken me time to work out my needed support structure and it's not even just that, I've been learning ways to de-stress, to take a minute and breathe before moving on. The journey I'm now on is fascinating, working through the things that build my anxiety and stress has been invaluable, even in a very short time. I really can't recommend counselling enough, being able to talk it out in a pressure free environment has really been the key for me and I'm sure it would be for others. I found I really hard to find that moment to stop and start looking at why I was freaking out in the way I was about things. It took a complete stop in every part of my life to be able to take better stock. I urge anyone feeling that way to have the confidence to shout and say there's a problem, you'll feel so much better for it. | |||
" Yes OP, it is hard when the ones you support can't be the ones to support you back. It's taken me time to work out my needed support structure and it's not even just that, I've been learning ways to de-stress, to take a minute and breathe before moving on. The journey I'm now on is fascinating, working through the things that build my anxiety and stress has been invaluable, even in a very short time. I really can't recommend counselling enough, being able to talk it out in a pressure free environment has really been the key for me and I'm sure it would be for others. I found I really hard to find that moment to stop and start looking at why I was freaking out in the way I was about things. It took a complete stop in every part of my life to be able to take better stock. I urge anyone feeling that way to have the confidence to shout and say there's a problem, you'll feel so much better for it. " Yes!  | |||
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"I wish my anxiety was high achieving, mine has stopped me from doing so many things over the years I feel like I've only lived half my life. I put things off that I know HAVE to be done until the very last second I can possibly get away with. I'm getting better with communicating face to face though." Overthinking. Ruminating over all the negative possibilities and scaring yourself into not doing stuff xx I hope it eases as you realise you can be in control of those thoughts. | |||
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"Interesting thread. I've read the O.P. somewhere word for word. Can't recall where though. Somewhere on the net maybe. My daughter was acting so out of character after having her first baby last year that I did a lot of reading around stress etc. Much of it comes from using externals to 'frame' who you are. I'm reading around neuroplasticity at the moment. I'm very interested in self help and the idea that we are not as hard wired and doomed as we think. " I love that, thanks. Reading about neuroplasticity now. Really interesting. I know it's possible for an abusive partner to batter a person's self belief and it's also possible for that person to rebuild their self belief. I read a quote a few months ago along the lines of... people often want to go back and change something that happened in their past yet they don't believe they have the same power to change their future. | |||
"Interesting thread. I've read the O.P. somewhere word for word. Can't recall where though. Somewhere on the net maybe. My daughter was acting so out of character after having her first baby last year that I did a lot of reading around stress etc. Much of it comes from using externals to 'frame' who you are. I'm reading around neuroplasticity at the moment. I'm very interested in self help and the idea that we are not as hard wired and doomed as we think. I love that, thanks. Reading about neuroplasticity now. Really interesting. I know it's possible for an abusive partner to batter a person's self belief and it's also possible for that person to rebuild their self belief. I read a quote a few months ago along the lines of... people often want to go back and change something that happened in their past yet they don't believe they have the same power to change their future. " Yes I've found the subject of neuro-plasticity interesting, particularly in the area of people who've suffered serious brain injuries, or are on the autistic spectrum. | |||
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"Interesting thread. I've read the O.P. somewhere word for word. Can't recall where though. Somewhere on the net maybe. My daughter was acting so out of character after having her first baby last year that I did a lot of reading around stress etc. Much of it comes from using externals to 'frame' who you are. I'm reading around neuroplasticity at the moment. I'm very interested in self help and the idea that we are not as hard wired and doomed as we think. " Yes, it's sections from an article on The Mighty - the quotes are selected from there, the ones I relate to. I always post a section of something then respond to it, and ask questions - I've made that clear previously, apologies for not citing here. The latter section and interactions are me!!
And yes, I advocate reading a lot of the sources of info out there - what I like about The Mighty is you can blog there as an individual (I do on occasion). I look forward to hearing your thoughts on neuroplasticity! | |||
"I don't see myself as suffering with anxiety but I can relate with an awful lot of the OP." And I think that's perfectly normal, we all experience these things to a greater/lesser degree and labelling is only useful to the individual themselves or as means to try and describe to another what they are experiencing. | |||
"Interesting thread. I've read the O.P. somewhere word for word. Can't recall where though. Somewhere on the net maybe. My daughter was acting so out of character after having her first baby last year that I did a lot of reading around stress etc. Much of it comes from using externals to 'frame' who you are. I'm reading around neuroplasticity at the moment. I'm very interested in self help and the idea that we are not as hard wired and doomed as we think. I love that, thanks. Reading about neuroplasticity now. Really interesting. I know it's possible for an abusive partner to batter a person's self belief and it's also possible for that person to rebuild their self belief. I read a quote a few months ago along the lines of... people often want to go back and change something that happened in their past yet they don't believe they have the same power to change their future. " I love that quote concept! | |||
"I think I have this "(((hugs))) | |||
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"Interesting thread. I've read the O.P. somewhere word for word. Can't recall where though. Somewhere on the net maybe. My daughter was acting so out of character after having her first baby last year that I did a lot of reading around stress etc. Much of it comes from using externals to 'frame' who you are. I'm reading around neuroplasticity at the moment. I'm very interested in self help and the idea that we are not as hard wired and doomed as we think. I love that, thanks. Reading about neuroplasticity now. Really interesting. I know it's possible for an abusive partner to batter a person's self belief and it's also possible for that person to rebuild their self belief. I read a quote a few months ago along the lines of... people often want to go back and change something that happened in their past yet they don't believe they have the same power to change their future. " I like that quote. I've become obsessed with the year before I made a catastrophic career decision. I know I can't go back, but I ruminate on those times endlessly, longing for the relative calm I had. I'm trying to find that "power", but feel constantly battered by life - it actually feels like it's paying a sick joke on me sometimes! I've fallen so far - back to the bottom of the pile really. I've been like this for some years now and it affects everything, libido included. I've come close to giving up, but somehow keep going. I'm sorry, I've just spent Sunday doing a job of unrelenting tedium that pays a fraction of what I used to earn .
Hugs to all here - we'll get there somehow and, in my experience, the anxious types are often the most interesting, cultured, funny and human folk out there.
Keep in keeping on | |||
"Now I found that really interesting to read. For a couple of reasons, firstly I don't suffer anything vaguely like it. And I had no concept of it. Now I can link an obvious behaviour to an emotion. "I'm glad it's been interesting/useful | |||
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" Angry is good, angry gets shit done - Compe Anansi. High-functioning anxiety gets shit done too! But are either healthy permanent states?
Just relaxed, high, functioning?
Sorry KM, not sure I follow?"Doing great but without anxiety | |||
"(((hugs))) Lost Sock "Backatcha. Thanks so much. Sorry, just tired of the "washing machine head" tonight. Got to me there. | |||
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"Anyone used eye movement therapy? Only recently heard about it and possibly more for trauma, but could fit the picture as a treatment for this?" Yes, EMDR. It is amazing | |||
"Anyone used eye movement therapy? Only recently heard about it and possibly more for trauma, but could fit the picture as a treatment for this? Yes, EMDR. It is amazing "Oh yes, I've heard about this. Were able to access it through the NHS? If you don't mind me asking. | |||
"Anyone used eye movement therapy? Only recently heard about it and possibly more for trauma, but could fit the picture as a treatment for this? Yes, EMDR. It is amazing
Oh yes, I've heard about this. Were able to access it through the NHS? If you don't mind me asking. "Yes the NHS do it but it's after a long process of trying lots of other things first. And as someone said more for PTSD than anxiety | |||
"Anyone used eye movement therapy? Only recently heard about it and possibly more for trauma, but could fit the picture as a treatment for this? Yes, EMDR. It is amazing
Oh yes, I've heard about this. Were able to access it through the NHS? If you don't mind me asking.
Yes the NHS do it but it's after a long process of trying lots of other things first. And as someone said more for PTSD than anxiety "Thanks | |||
" Angry is good, angry gets shit done - Compe Anansi. High-functioning anxiety gets shit done too! But are either healthy permanent states?
Just relaxed, high, functioning?
Sorry KM, not sure I follow?
Doing great but without anxiety "Ah yes, I follow! Sorry the lateness of the hour last night foiled my ability to process! | |||
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