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I blame hollywood....sexual disappointments
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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People driving cars in movies always find a parking place right outside their destination ....
Movie people never dial a wrong number or get random calls from companies selling life insurance or double glazing ...
Movie people never wake after a night in bed with sleep glue in their eyes or snot and saliva all over their faces
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When they say "Over and Out" during radio conversations!
Over means awaiting reposne, Out means end of conversation, you don't say both!
I need a stress relief now  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"People driving cars in movies always find a parking place right outside their destination ....
Movie people never dial a wrong number or get random calls from companies selling life insurance or double glazing ...
Movie people never wake after a night in bed with sleep glue in their eyes or snot and saliva all over their faces
"
Laughing out loud at this. All true! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That after sex the women's hair and makeup is still perfect. I just have that just fucked look x  "
I tend to look like a river otter, with red lipstick over its chin. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"And how they're usually straight into fucking as soon as the clothes come off - never heard of foreplay  "
and no popping to the bathroom for a top and tail freshen-up .... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That after sex the women's hair and makeup is still perfect. I just have that just fucked look x
I tend to look like a river otter, with red lipstick over its chin."
mmmm, interesting.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Why, having just fucked each other's brains out....do they always have to cover their "bits" up when they slip out of the bed?
And they never need tissues or a towel afterwards.... and condoms? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do American's ever shut their curtains? I cannot recall a single American film or TV programme where they shut the curtains before bed."
They are too crusty to shut after they wipe their cocks on them after the bed scenes.? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"All those things in films which misled us...
Sex first..
From the way clothes just fall off to those "L" shaped sheets..what things bug the crap out of you with it all? "
So you're watching a sex scene, except you're NOT actually watching the sex.
....you're watching what shape the flipping clothes fall into on the floor...
WHO THE HELL DOES THAT?..... 
Watch the sex!!! fuck me.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"All those things in films which misled us...
Sex first..
From the way clothes just fall off to those "L" shaped sheets..what things bug the crap out of you with it all?
So you're watching a sex scene, except you're NOT actually watching the sex.
....you're watching what shape the flipping clothes fall into on the floor...
WHO THE HELL DOES THAT?.....
Watch the sex!!! fuck me. "
But sex scenes in mainstream films are boring, and get in the way of the plot. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"All those things in films which misled us...
Sex first..
From the way clothes just fall off to those "L" shaped sheets..what things bug the crap out of you with it all?
So you're watching a sex scene, except you're NOT actually watching the sex.
....you're watching what shape the flipping clothes fall into on the floor...
WHO THE HELL DOES THAT?.....
Watch the sex!!! fuck me.
But sex scenes in mainstream films are boring, and get in the way of the plot. "
AHA! but wait...
Not when the sex is part of the plot.
I give you:
Body of Evidence : Madonna
The sex scenes in that I'm literally having a wank AND following the plot perfectly.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Or need lube.
The men never have marks round their ankles where their sock elastic has been.
Sally "
The men are never still wearing their socks. True story, had an ex who never took his socks off during sex. Weird... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Women always seem to wear a bra when shagging in films. having your tits covered up reduces the fun a whole lot."
Not for me it don't. .
I like shagging while she still has her bra on but with her tits jutting out of it.
Or over a desk with her skirt hitched up, top open tits exposed but still wearing her bra.
Well..see..that's horny as hell to me. Naked sex isn't anywhere near as horny as partially clothed.
...and on that note..I've had an idea tata!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"All those things in films which misled us...
Sex first..
From the way clothes just fall off to those "L" shaped sheets..what things bug the crap out of you with it all?
So you're watching a sex scene, except you're NOT actually watching the sex.
....you're watching what shape the flipping clothes fall into on the floor...
WHO THE HELL DOES THAT?.....
Watch the sex!!! fuck me.
But sex scenes in mainstream films are boring, and get in the way of the plot.
AHA! but wait...
Not when the sex is part of the plot.
I give you:
Body of Evidence : Madonna
The sex scenes in that I'm literally having a wank AND following the plot perfectly.
"
Awful film, not sexy at all. |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"Women always seem to wear a bra when shagging in films. having your tits covered up reduces the fun a whole lot.
Not for me it don't. .
I like shagging while she still has her bra on but with her tits jutting out of it.
Or over a desk with her skirt hitched up, top open tits exposed but still wearing her bra.
Well..see..that's horny as hell to me. Naked sex isn't anywhere near as horny as partially clothed.
...and on that note..I've had an idea tata! "
If someone aint playing with my naked boobs then the sex is going to be pretty disappointing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"All those things in films which misled us...
Sex first..
From the way clothes just fall off to those "L" shaped sheets..what things bug the crap out of you with it all?
So you're watching a sex scene, except you're NOT actually watching the sex.
....you're watching what shape the flipping clothes fall into on the floor...
WHO THE HELL DOES THAT?.....
Watch the sex!!! fuck me.
But sex scenes in mainstream films are boring, and get in the way of the plot.
AHA! but wait...
Not when the sex is part of the plot.
I give you:
Body of Evidence : Madonna
The sex scenes in that I'm literally having a wank AND following the plot perfectly.
Awful film, not sexy at all. "
The wax scenes in that film are joystick engaging. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Or need lube.
The men never have marks round their ankles where their sock elastic has been.
Sally
The men are never still wearing their socks. True story, had an ex who never took his socks off during sex. Weird..."
That reason alone is enough to make them an ex (puke emoji)...
xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Or need lube.
The men never have marks round their ankles where their sock elastic has been.
Sally
The men are never still wearing their socks. True story, had an ex who never took his socks off during sex. Weird...
That reason alone is enough to make them an ex (puke emoji)...
xx"
There were many things wrong with the dude, that is just the tip of the iceberg |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Women always seem to wear a bra when shagging in films. having your tits covered up reduces the fun a whole lot.
Not for me it don't. .
I like shagging while she still has her bra on but with her tits jutting out of it.
Or over a desk with her skirt hitched up, top open tits exposed but still wearing her bra.
Well..see..that's horny as hell to me. Naked sex isn't anywhere near as horny as partially clothed.
...and on that note..I've had an idea tata!
If someone aint playing with my naked boobs then the sex is going to be pretty disappointing."
You ain't lived.
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Disney and romance in films leads to too many having unrealistic expectations of relationships and people gaining a wanton princess complex.
However tough the situation and life the characters are in, their homes are always near immaculate. Likewise, their tastes are better than to be expected.
Shop queues are always non-existent.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When driving they look at each other and have really intense look exchanges going on, never bothering to check the road..
They say i love you within 5 minutes of meeting.
Somebody dies within 5 minutes of telling someone they love them.
They always forget to turn the lights on when thry hear a creepy noise downstairs. That is the FIRsT thing i would do.
They never ask "do you have contraception" before getting jiggy with it.
They never say "your breath smells" when they've had a tuna fish sandwich on rye before the hot kiss scene |
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