FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Any thoughts? It's not cheating but...

Any thoughts? It's not cheating but...

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Asking for a friend... yeah right.

I know it's not cheating and yes it's a swing site but no we don't swing.

If you were in a totally one on one relationship and one half decided to install kik again and start talking to a random woman would you be more than a little pissed off? Like doing videos and saying stuff you would like to do to her?

Nothing actual major happened but being kept in the dark by said other half and to stumble across it accidentally (trying to find a good photo for our wedding), just wondering what the general consensus is here (can't ask elsewhere sorry!)

Being told that you don't give said other half enough attention and stuff like that (despite that being absolutely not the case).

Thanks for your advice for said 'friend'

G x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's kinda cheating, like 'sexting' someone else

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Revenge sex with moi is the answer.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Revenge sex with moi is the answer."

haha. No

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

"Revenge sex with moi is the answer."

Oi jock, yer too far away remember

Sensible answer, ahem, I'll get back to you on that one......

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Asking for a friend... yeah right.

I know it's not cheating and yes it's a swing site but no we don't swing.

Being told that you don't give said other half enough attention and stuff like that (despite that being absolutely not the case).

Thanks for your advice for said 'friend'

G x"
its not cheating but its not etiquette either its kinda disloyal especially if youre getting married ,did you meet on here?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Revenge sex with moi is the answer.

Oi jock, yer too far away remember

Sensible answer, ahem, I'll get back to you on that one......"

Distance only makes the sex more exciting fs.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 11/05/17 00:40:41]

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Asking for a friend... yeah right.

I know it's not cheating and yes it's a swing site but no we don't swing.

Being told that you don't give said other half enough attention and stuff like that (despite that being absolutely not the case).

Thanks for your advice for said 'friend'

G xits not cheating but its not etiquette either its kinda disloyal especially if youre getting married ,did you meet on here?"

Yeah we met a year and a half ago x

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By *ensualguy101Man over a year ago

Orpington

You need to bring it out, into the open. Park the anger. But simply have the conversation - where are we going? are we working together ok? That kind of thing. Remember, post the conversation, you've got to still get on with each other - so don't inflict a wound that takes time to heal.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"You need to bring it out, into the open. Park the anger. But simply have the conversation - where are we going? are we working together ok? That kind of thing. Remember, post the conversation, you've got to still get on with each other - so don't inflict a wound that takes time to heal. "

We chatted all evening, I thought we were ok but then we went for a walk and it all hit me again but worse, sounds ridiculous because he didn't physically cheat but still hurt me as I didn't realise he was capable of doing such a thing x

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

"Revenge sex with moi is the answer.

Oi jock, yer too far away remember

Sensible answer, ahem, I'll get back to you on that one......

Distance only makes the sex more exciting fs.

I once tried to have long distance sex. There is no Penguin call line

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By *mcouple1Couple over a year ago

nr warrington

It shows a lack of love , respect and honesty. The 3 vital traits of Swinging couples. Without that it's doomed.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"It shows a lack of love , respect and honesty. The 3 vital traits of Swinging couples. Without that it's doomed. "

That's what I cannot get my head round he says he loves me every day and yet he did this. I'm sorry to post this all here but I don't have anyone else to get worthy advice from x

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

I'm afraid I would have real trouble with it in someone who was about to commit to marriage, he knew he was breaking your trust otherwise he would not have hidden it. My only suggestion is to talk through all the issues it raises in you both, and keep talking until you are agreed! Good luck!

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By *arksMan over a year ago

in the centre

If you have to hide something then you know it's wrong

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Thanks, I know people have different views on it but I was just wondering if I was over reacting like he has kind of insinuated to me tonight.

I am sure he loves me and has just been a giant dick but his actions has made me doubt everything x

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By *oneDoeWoman over a year ago

socially distanced

The fact they're not being honest is deceitful and then to say that it's because you don't give them attention is disrespectful.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

So sorry to hear that I hope you can work it out

sending hugs xx

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By *mcouple1Couple over a year ago

nr warrington

"The fact they're not being honest is deceitful and then to say that it's because you don't give them attention is disrespectful."

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Thanks, I know people have different views on it but I was just wondering if I was over reacting like he has kind of insinuated to me tonight.

Yes, that's the bit that needs talking through. I am damn sure he loves you too, but he obviously has a different idea of what concepts like trust, loyalty, honesty and faithfulness mean. You have to be agreed on those kind of things, so maybe you haven't explored each others views enough.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Thanks, I know people have different views on it but I was just wondering if I was over reacting like he has kind of insinuated to me tonight.

I am sure he loves me and has just been a giant dick but his actions has made me doubt everything x"

Wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him. What else has he done or is hiding? Can you trust him, or are you going to be worrying every time he is on his phone.

I personally would walk. But that's me.

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By *ilthyDebaucheryWoman over a year ago

Telford

"It shows a lack of love , respect and honesty. The 3 vital traits of Swinging couples. Without that it's doomed.

That's what I cannot get my head round he says he loves me every day and yet he did this. I'm sorry to post this all here but I don't have anyone else to get worthy advice from x"

Sadly some people are just greedy and don't appreciate what they have til it's gone They tell you what they think you want to hear

Your trust has been broken You need to talk openly about this til you are satisfied one way or another before contemplating getting married

I wish you luck Trust your own instincts

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By *mcouple1Couple over a year ago

nr warrington

Dump his arse. Is he making you smile ? Does he make you feel secure ? Do you feel loved ? Can you trust him ? Does he love seeing you happy ? Did he message you whilst he was messaging trying to get to fuck another woman? Drop him like a stone.

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By *ilthyDebaucheryWoman over a year ago

Telford

[Removed by poster at 11/05/17 01:11:01]

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"The fact they're not being honest is deceitful and then to say that it's because you don't give them attention is disrespectful."

Yep that's one of the things that really hurt me, like he blamed me for it. We don't have a bad sex life, sure we aren't at it like rabbits in the early days but things change and it's always exciting when we do, so I can't understand where that has come from. He blames me on my phone when I play a game, I only play it when he is asleep (he falls asleep quicker than me) and I could understand him saying that five months back when I didn't have a job and all I did was sit around waiting for him to come home but not now, we come home have dinner, watch tv and generally have a cuddle etc before sleeping, he falls asleep I go on my phone, he is just as bad sometimes as me with it if he wanted to play that game!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Dump his arse. Is he making you smile ? Does he make you feel secure ? Do you feel loved ? Can you trust him ? Does he love seeing you happy ? Did he message you whilst he was messaging trying to get to fuck another woman? Drop him like a stone. "

Apparently when he was doing the videos of saying what he wanted to do he was imagining it was me. Not another woman but I just find it weird, to be fair we are a couple of odd balls when it comes to sex so I don't know why he felt the need to show his cock off to someone else (which he denies but there is pictures of his cock on the computer that I've never seen and was only taken yesterday morning! And some pictures when I was burning up on Monday) x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It doesn't matter what any of us think, even though the majority of us will probably agree. If you think that what he did was a betrayal of your trust, then he's betrayed your trust. In my opinion, he should have known better

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By *mcouple1Couple over a year ago

nr warrington

You are gonna forgive him and think it is all you're fault. Can see it coming from miles away. Dont waste you're happiness on someone who makes you sad.

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By *rincess peachWoman over a year ago

shits creek

I'm so sorry this has happened. It's really hard when your trust gets damaged. It would probably have been better if he held his hands up and apologised instead of laying the blame with you. That kinda bothers me. He needs to take responsibility for his own actions.

I would say tho, that if that is something that he does frequently (deflect blame), then that needs addressing.

Good luck sweet xx

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

I'm sorry to hear this, but you can meet someone in vanilla world and have as much trust as you can on here. That's the way of the world I'm afraid.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"It doesn't matter what any of us think, even though the majority of us will probably agree. If you think that what he did was a betrayal of your trust, then he's betrayed your trust. In my opinion, he should have known better

Oh he admits he has been a massive bellend but won't accept or have any reason other than chucking blame in my direction or that he is 'an addict'

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By *ilthyDebaucheryWoman over a year ago

Telford

So he's sneaking around behind your back and now you've caught him out he's trying to say it's your fault?

Wow! This all sounds so familiar... run! Don't waste any more time on someone so deceitful

He's just greedy Wants best of both worlds at the expense of your feelings

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

He's wriggling out of it 'I wasn't thinking about her when I was making the vid, it was you hun'.... 'i took those pics for you, you've seen them before'.... I smell poo! He's trying to make you feel stupid for doubting him.

Boot on the other foot, how would he feel if you did this?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Oh he admits he has been a massive bellend but won't accept or have any reason other than chucking blame in my direction or that he is 'an addict' "

If he's trying to make you feel bad about something he did wrong, then he needs to man up and take responsibility for his actions. He cocked up, he should pay the consequences

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By *loswingersCouple over a year ago

Gloucester

Boot on the other foot, how would he feel if you did this? "

Exactly this , a typical male trait when they start deflecting their behaviour to make it out to be your fault . You know in your heart what to do , good luck

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"So he's sneaking around behind your back and now you've caught him out he's trying to say it's your fault?

Wow! This all sounds so familiar... run! Don't waste any more time on someone so deceitful

He's just greedy Wants best of both worlds at the expense of your feelings "

By the time I found the pictures and videos he already deleted the app (although time stamps say otherwise on the computer). He couldn't sleep Friday for worry but that seemed to have vanished when he thought he got away with it, he even said 'at one point I thought your be ok with it'.

Bedroom talk and real life, two different things, there are many senarios I'd love to do but it's only in the bedroom and not real life (which we both agreed on) x

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Boot on the other foot, how would he feel if you did this? "

I did ask him exactly this question this evening and he put his head in his hands and said 'honestly I don't know' x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Boot on the other foot, how would he feel if you did this?

I did ask him exactly this question this evening and he put his head in his hands and said 'honestly I don't know' x"

That means he knows he'd be as gutted as you are and he would think it was cheating and he's hoping you don't kick his ass to the turf.

That action alone is your answer.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Boot on the other foot, how would he feel if you did this?

I did ask him exactly this question this evening and he put his head in his hands and said 'honestly I don't know' x

That means he knows he'd be as gutted as you are and he would think it was cheating and he's hoping you don't kick his ass to the turf.

That action alone is your answer."

That's what I thought too x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"So he's sneaking around behind your back and now you've caught him out he's trying to say it's your fault?

Wow! This all sounds so familiar... run! Don't waste any more time on someone so deceitful

He's just greedy Wants best of both worlds at the expense of your feelings

Bedroom talk and real life, two different things, there are many senarios I'd love to do but it's only in the bedroom and not real life (which we both agreed on) x"

If there's any chance of fixing it he needs to realise how much he's messed up. I think the Two of you need to talk it out, and then move forward in the way that's best for you both. Good luck x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Ffs, just dump the idiot, that's the trouble with entering a relationship on here.....no trust, thinking you can get away with anything, "because you are swingers" load of rubbish. Find yourself a vanilla guy.

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

Ok, the ultimate question. Are you going to forgive him and make this a long term relationship, or dump him and look for someone else exclusive to you?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This as well ^

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Hmm, if that happened to me then I would feel incredibly let down and have a massive trust issue. You both need to talk and think very carefully and realistically about the long term x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sorry I think it be better to go on a dating site not on here sorry do what makes you happy good luck ?? hope you get more than this you need him to be true to you and you need to be true to yourself

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I do love him like no one else I have ever loved and I can see he is sorry for doing what he did but I can't get over the fact if I hadn't of found all that stuff would he have told me?

I don't want us to end as we are good for each other but if I do stay with him, by fuck is he going to pay for this for a while but at the moment my head is swimming x

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By *hocoholicWoman over a year ago

The big D

Love is not only a physical thing, it's mind, body & soul so the fact that he's been intimate with someone else thru texts/videos etc (mind), yes I'd say it's cheating.

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By *iSTARessWoman over a year ago

London

I know you guys met here, sorry to hear this. Surely you'd have clearer communication than an average vanilla couple?

It sounds like you're not going to leave him. Deflecting his guilt is worrying. It's likely to happen again unless you talk about it properly. Not when you're emotional but rationally. Like a business meeting. Good luck

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's emotional cheating. And let's face it, most women within a relationship would rage if she discovered her fella had been sending wank vids/pics etc behind their back.

But not only has he betrayed your trust, but he's now saying it's your fault because you've ignored his cock/sexual needs for a bit. That's the more alarming part. That sounds very manipulative.

If you can overlook his indiscretion then great. Work through it.

But i'm guessing that after you're in bed early and he stays up later than you, or he gets up in the middle of the night as he's "not tired" or he hides his phone, puts a lock on it, call's you paranoid and tells you that you're imagining things, that there will be an uncertainty and a lack of total trust as to what he's up to.

He did that. He put those cracks there. Because you can forgive, but you'll never really forget.

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By *ikstupp2Man over a year ago

london

I agree with most of u that say this is wrong because it is but.......I hav been guilty of this and it tore me apart inside even though after chatting to girls about sex we usually just became online friends.sometimes a relationship is a lonely place and probably more so with someone who has been a swinger

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It may have only been sexting, but if she'd asked him to pop around and finish off what he'd started, what do you honestly think he would have done... With your future plans it surely has to raise some honesty issues. It's a horrible situation for you as you will never know his real intention, unless he chooses to tell you openly and honestly. Something he hasn't been with you with this. How much trust do you need to marry someone? Is this going to niggle at the back of your mind every time he's late or not answering his phone... If you can't forgive and rebuild the trust then it's going to uphill...

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Well I've just done some digging, call it 'reassurance' and his kik is still there. Any chance any of you are ok it so you can check that I'm not mad!!!! Plus less than a year ago he 'popped' on there too (I'm an ultra stalker) plus he asked for direct links to a group called geeky and kinky

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Well I've just done some digging, call it 'reassurance' and his kik is still there. Any chance any of you are ok it so you can check that I'm not mad!!!! Plus less than a year ago he 'popped' on there too (I'm an ultra stalker) plus he asked for direct links to a group called geeky and kinky

I don't think you can 'delete' an account altogether - I have an old Kik account I haven't used in years or even logged in to and it's still there when you search so that's not unusual and he can't be blamed for the Kik still being visible on a search.

Best of wishes to you both I hope you can both move on positively together from this

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Best of wishes to you both I hope you can both move on positively together from this

I've found the way how to now and it's been deactivated I'm absolutely gutted that I hurt Ali but I never saw it as a physical person on the other end (I know it was) just kind of like interactive porn I know I deserve everything I get I just hope Alison forgives me it hurts to know that I've hurt her so much and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to fix it

Ads

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

New username, Squabblesrus

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

Oh, what did I do

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Oh, what did I do

Nothing Ace I think the actions say how she's feeling right now.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Aw x I it's a shame they've gone but I can understand why. I like them both so hope they can sort everything

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Oh, what did I do

Nothing Ace I think the actions say how she's feeling right now."

Yes I think they do. This thread made me feel sad. I hope she's ok.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Oh balls. That is sad. Such a happy couple whenever I've seen them around. Hope they can pull through this.

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

"Oh, what did I do

Nothing Ace I think the actions say how she's feeling right now."

I know that pp, but I just seemed to be in the wrong place at the right time. Hopefully they can work things out together as they seemed to be getting along swimmingly

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's hard to comment after reading this. I always think problems should be aired in public, but this time it might have been best. All the best the them if they read this.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's hard to comment after reading this. I always think problems should be aired in public, but this time it might have been best. All the best the them if they read this.

*Shouldn't be aired...

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By *ire_bladeMan over a year ago

Manchester

I think out of respect for these 2 who most of us know From on here we should let this thread die in the hope that they may survive. Best of luck to you both.....

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By *rank n BettyCouple over a year ago

Not meeting

"It shows a lack of love , respect and honesty. The 3 vital traits of Swinging couples. Without that it's doomed. "

Pretty much agree with this, something suspicious going on , why would he be talking to other people wether its kik whatsapp or whatever other message service and hiding it from you, red flags come to mind.

Frank

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I hope she is ok

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I hope she is ok "

I second this

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Ffs, just dump the idiot, that's the trouble with entering a relationship on here.....no trust, thinking you can get away with anything, "because you are swingers" load of rubbish. Find yourself a vanilla guy. "

Hope you're ok OP. x I know non site members can read forums.

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By *iss_tressWoman over a year ago

London

I think the op will bury her hurt and marry her man in the vain hope it was a blip.

Personally, I think he'll just get better at hiding his tracks, or not bother hiding it at all...why would he, he knows he can.

Either way, it doesn't sound like a firm foundation to start a marriage. However, at the end of the day people will put up with all sorts: good luck.

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By *ancs MinxWoman over a year ago

Burnley

"It shows a lack of love , respect and honesty. The 3 vital traits of Swinging couples. Without that it's doomed.

That's what I cannot get my head round he says he loves me every day and yet he did this. I'm sorry to post this all here but I don't have anyone else to get worthy advice from x"

How can somebody love you and treat you like that though.... saying you love somebody is totally different to being in love with somebody.

If he is being like that whilst in the throws of a relative new relationship, when all should still be exciting and be able to talk about anything and everything honestly and openly...then what happens when your married.

He needs kicking to the kerb and not given another thought.....you deserve better.

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By *gnitemybodyWoman over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

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By *loswingersCouple over a year ago

Gloucester

Well that's saved me from watching Jeremy Kyle , not a good thread at all , way too much public washing going on , sad times

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The things people put on here they would tell their doctor or the social,but blurt it all here

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's about honesty and mutual respect whatever you decide is your life choice you agree and measure against that choice. Disregarding that and the other person is disrespectful and has no place in a healthy relationship. Swinging is a lifestyle that both need to respect and agree on, if not there will be issues.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Hope you are ok OP, if you pop on incognito and read this.

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