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What sort of relationship?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I have a guy who I see fairly regular, we sit and chat about life, his job to his family and also about my life and such.
After an incident in my life in Feb, said guy got very protective over me, we have had his little fits of jealousy about my meets before this. But nothing as bad as his hissy fit after when I had a social. He has made it very clear that he wants me exclusively (we are both married to other people, and he will be the same in return. We have both uttered that 4 letter L word to each other it was said before the incident. We have also spent a full night together at his home (wife was on holiday with her mother and the kids). When he departed for work he came in to the room kissed me said I love you and see you later, am not sure if that is what he normally does with his wife. But the fact he trusted me enough to leave me in his home and with his keys to lock up with suggest that we have moved from fuck buddies to ????????.
What would you class our relationship as? |
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By *im_66Woman
over a year ago
Bradford |
"I have a guy who I see fairly regular, we sit and chat about life, his job to his family and also about my life and such.
After an incident in my life in Feb, said guy got very protective over me, we have had his little fits of jealousy about my meets before this. But nothing as bad as his hissy fit after when I had a social. He has made it very clear that he wants me exclusively (we are both married to other people, and he will be the same in return. We have both uttered that 4 letter L word to each other it was said before the incident. We have also spent a full night together at his home (wife was on holiday with her mother and the kids). When he departed for work he came in to the room kissed me said I love you and see you later, am not sure if that is what he normally does with his wife. But the fact he trusted me enough to leave me in his home and with his keys to lock up with suggest that we have moved from fuck buddies to ????????.
What would you class our relationship as? "
Dangerous!  |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
•+• Access Denied •+• |
i'd class it as a 'relationship of sorts'.
you trust each other to a degree, that's good. he gets jealous, kinda good but immature. he wants exclusivity, except he is married and so are you so this cannot happen really -and this is the first slip up.
love is good. so is spending time together.
biggest problem is you don't know where you stand. if it was anything more than the above then you'd know for sure and not need anyone elses advice.
the trust is there but only on a basic level, he is honest with you about some things but seeing as you don't know where you stand a very important element of trust is missing and that is how he feels about you exactly and where you stand. it might be because he doesn't know or something but the fact you are questioning means he hasn't been as honest as you want him to be. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"An affair. Some people say I love you without meaning it. It's just a phrase they can use easily. "
Haha. The word love is thrown a lot. It sometimes gets what people want and is used to manipulate.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks for the input folks. Yes I do agree it's messy and dangerous(part of the trill). Just trying to sort it in my own head. I would never ask him to leave his wife, this is something that was discussed over 18 months ago. The incident was a very serious thing and he has been an absolute rock for me (more than my hubby) through it all. The sleepless nights (if he was working) he was always available to talk too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have a guy who I see fairly regular, we sit and chat about life, his job to his family and also about my life and such.
After an incident in my life in Feb, said guy got very protective over me, we have had his little fits of jealousy about my meets before this. But nothing as bad as his hissy fit after when I had a social. He has made it very clear that he wants me exclusively (we are both married to other people, and he will be the same in return. We have both uttered that 4 letter L word to each other it was said before the incident. We have also spent a full night together at his home (wife was on holiday with her mother and the kids). When he departed for work he came in to the room kissed me said I love you and see you later, am not sure if that is what he normally does with his wife. But the fact he trusted me enough to leave me in his home and with his keys to lock up with suggest that we have moved from fuck buddies to ????????.
What would you class our relationship as? "
I don't care what your relationship is, but he's a prize wanker for having you in his marital home.
What a shitbag. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"An affair. Some people say I love you without meaning it. It's just a phrase they can use easily.
Haha. The word love is thrown a lot. It sometimes gets what people want and is used to manipulate.
"
Yep that's my take on it too. |
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"I have a guy who I see fairly regular, we sit and chat about life, his job to his family and also about my life and such.
After an incident in my life in Feb, said guy got very protective over me, we have had his little fits of jealousy about my meets before this. But nothing as bad as his hissy fit after when I had a social. He has made it very clear that he wants me exclusively (we are both married to other people, and he will be the same in return. We have both uttered that 4 letter L word to each other it was said before the incident. We have also spent a full night together at his home (wife was on holiday with her mother and the kids). When he departed for work he came in to the room kissed me said I love you and see you later, am not sure if that is what he normally does with his wife. But the fact he trusted me enough to leave me in his home and with his keys to lock up with suggest that we have moved from fuck buddies to ????????.
What would you class our relationship as?
I don't care what your relationship is, but he's a prize wanker for having you in his marital home.
What a shitbag."
I could not go there. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have a guy who I see fairly regular, we sit and chat about life, his job to his family and also about my life and such.
After an incident in my life in Feb, said guy got very protective over me, we have had his little fits of jealousy about my meets before this. But nothing as bad as his hissy fit after when I had a social. He has made it very clear that he wants me exclusively (we are both married to other people, and he will be the same in return. We have both uttered that 4 letter L word to each other it was said before the incident. We have also spent a full night together at his home (wife was on holiday with her mother and the kids). When he departed for work he came in to the room kissed me said I love you and see you later, am not sure if that is what he normally does with his wife. But the fact he trusted me enough to leave me in his home and with his keys to lock up with suggest that we have moved from fuck buddies to ????????.
What would you class our relationship as?
I don't care what your relationship is, but he's a prize wanker for having you in his marital home.
What a shitbag."
I must be a shit bag as well cos I have him in my marital home as well and I have met his his and he has met mine |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you have both met each others partners as i read what you have just said right. And you have both been to each other's marital home sorry but thats shit!!!.
You both have a total lack of disrespect for your respective partners no matter how difficult a time either person is having your playing russian roulette with your families by both being so selfish.
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Wherever it's come from to arrive at this undefined place, the important thing is only to decide if you want anything more with such a messy basis.
Is he fit and proper for you to continue anything with? Do you want to be somewhat controlled in your sex life? etc |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If you have both met each others partners as i read what you have just said right. And you have both been to each other's marital home sorry but thats shit!!!.
You both have a total lack of disrespect for your respective partners no matter how difficult a time either person is having your playing russian roulette with your families by both being so selfish.
"
No I haven't met his wife, but he has spoken with my hubby at my request. We have met each other's children (this was not planned we were both in the same place at the same) My hubby is fully aware of my relationship with this man, although I am not 100% clear on his side.
But that was not the point of the post, I was just wondering what sort of relationship people thought we had.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you have both met each others partners as i read what you have just said right. And you have both been to each other's marital home sorry but thats shit!!!.
You both have a total lack of disrespect for your respective partners no matter how difficult a time either person is having your playing russian roulette with your families by both being so selfish.
No I haven't met his wife, but he has spoken with my hubby at my request. We have met each other's children (this was not planned we were both in the same place at the same) My hubby is fully aware of my relationship with this man, although I am not 100% clear on his side.
But that was not the point of the post, I was just wondering what sort of relationship people thought we had.
"
Oh it reads to me you met his partner etc. Yoir status says you don't like being lied to yet your both doinh that....
I would say your having an affair and its a dangerous game with no winners.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If you have both met each others partners as i read what you have just said right. And you have both been to each other's marital home sorry but thats shit!!!.
You both have a total lack of disrespect for your respective partners no matter how difficult a time either person is having your playing russian roulette with your families by both being so selfish.
No I haven't met his wife, but he has spoken with my hubby at my request. We have met each other's children (this was not planned we were both in the same place at the same) My hubby is fully aware of my relationship with this man, although I am not 100% clear on his side.
But that was not the point of the post, I was just wondering what sort of relationship people thought we had.
Oh it reads to me you met his partner etc. Yoir status says you don't like being lied to yet your both doinh that....
I would say your having an affair and its a dangerous game with no winners.
"
Well as my hubby knows I ain't lying to him or the bloke I play with. He maybe lying to his wife I don't know. And it's actually my son who lied to me about stealing something from me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have a guy who I see fairly regular, we sit and chat about life, his job to his family and also about my life and such.
After an incident in my life in Feb, said guy got very protective over me, we have had his little fits of jealousy about my meets before this. But nothing as bad as his hissy fit after when I had a social. He has made it very clear that he wants me exclusively (we are both married to other people, and he will be the same in return. We have both uttered that 4 letter L word to each other it was said before the incident. We have also spent a full night together at his home (wife was on holiday with her mother and the kids). When he departed for work he came in to the room kissed me said I love you and see you later, am not sure if that is what he normally does with his wife. But the fact he trusted me enough to leave me in his home and with his keys to lock up with suggest that we have moved from fuck buddies to ????????.
What would you class our relationship as? "
Would either of you leave your spouses to be with each other? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have a guy who I see fairly regular, we sit and chat about life, his job to his family and also about my life and such.
After an incident in my life in Feb, said guy got very protective over me, we have had his little fits of jealousy about my meets before this. But nothing as bad as his hissy fit after when I had a social. He has made it very clear that he wants me exclusively (we are both married to other people, and he will be the same in return. We have both uttered that 4 letter L word to each other it was said before the incident. We have also spent a full night together at his home (wife was on holiday with her mother and the kids). When he departed for work he came in to the room kissed me said I love you and see you later, am not sure if that is what he normally does with his wife. But the fact he trusted me enough to leave me in his home and with his keys to lock up with suggest that we have moved from fuck buddies to ????????.
What would you class our relationship as?
Would either of you leave your spouses to be with each other? "
In all honesty I don't know. |
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"
Well as my hubby knows I ain't lying to him or the bloke I play with. He maybe lying to his wife I don't know. And it's actually my son who lied to me about stealing something from me. "
Not quite sure what your son has to do with thing's. If you're happy with thing's then why put a label on your relationship,it's an affair. Oh I don't know,I like my simple life  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Does his wife know he sleeps with other people? How does your husband feel about your relationship with this man? Before trying to define what the relationship is you need to take into account your spouses thoughts and feelings. If your behaviour and feelings are something you feel the need to hide from them then by all definitions you are cheating. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Does your husband know this runs deeper than sex?
It sounds like an affair.
He sounds controlling.
I get that you're enhoying the thrill. But I think you could get a thrill without the bullshit from someone else.
Perhaps it might be time to turn your focus on yourself. Maybe in on your marriage. If it's unbearable to be apart... you have your answer. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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His controlling behaviour is the most dangerous thing to my mind.
Many abusive men make you feel amazing and special, that's the payoff you get for their abuse
It's an affair if there is love involved. And while your hubby knows that you meet him, would he be cool to hear you tell this guy that you love him?
Be careful and hopefully I am wrong |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Does his wife know he sleeps with other people? How does your husband feel about your relationship with this man? Before trying to define what the relationship is you need to take into account your spouses thoughts and feelings. If your behaviour and feelings are something you feel the need to hide from them then by all definitions you are cheating."
I don't know what his wife knows I suspect she doesn't. That's not something I can change
My hubby is (tells me) that he is happy with the situation. |
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I'm saying this as a friend darl. I know your hubby knows the situation. But if his wife doesnt then its a very difficult situation. Especially if kids are involved. I'm not judging people who cheat, I wouldnt but am lucky as Miss is happy with me meeting couples for fun so have no need not to tell her, but this could end in a world of hurt for all involved. And to be honest it sounds like he is stringing you along. Jack. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Does your husband know this runs deeper than sex?
It sounds like an affair.
He sounds controlling.
I get that you're enhoying the thrill. But I think you could get a thrill without the bullshit from someone else.
Perhaps it might be time to turn your focus on yourself. Maybe in on your marriage. If it's unbearable to be apart... you have your answer."
The reason he doesn't want me playing is because I was r*a*p*e*d.
For me my marriage is more like a friendship. And yes it does hurt me to be away from the other man.
Yes my hubby has heard me on more than on occasion say 'i love You' to the other man normally at the end of conversations ECT.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm saying this as a friend darl. I know your hubby knows the situation. But if his wife doesnt then its a very difficult situation. Especially if kids are involved. I'm not judging people who cheat, I wouldnt but am lucky as Miss is happy with me meeting couples for fun so have no need not to tell her, but this could end in a world of hurt for all involved. And to be honest it sounds like he is stringing you along. Jack."
Thank you darling this was what I was gonna to talk to you about when i said social |
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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago
Paisley |
Does it matter what the relationship is called?
What do you want? Do you want him 24/7 knowing that he'll probably cheat on you too?
Also depends on what you would lose/gain from leaving your husband? |
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"I have a guy who I see fairly regular, we sit and chat about life, his job to his family and also about my life and such.
After an incident in my life in Feb, said guy got very protective over me, we have had his little fits of jealousy about my meets before this. But nothing as bad as his hissy fit after when I had a social. He has made it very clear that he wants me exclusively (we are both married to other people, and he will be the same in return. We have both uttered that 4 letter L word to each other it was said before the incident. We have also spent a full night together at his home (wife was on holiday with her mother and the kids). When he departed for work he came in to the room kissed me said I love you and see you later, am not sure if that is what he normally does with his wife. But the fact he trusted me enough to leave me in his home and with his keys to lock up with suggest that we have moved from fuck buddies to ????????.
What would you class our relationship as? "
His mistress |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would probably say that this is a mess that can and will only end very badly for every one involved it is 100% cheating and what ever the outcome some one is going to get very hurt. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don't like to label things but you've been seeing each other a while, you obviously care about each other so in my eyes that's an affair.
Ps I hope you reported what happened x"
Yes 2 yrs in June. I never ment to develop feelings for him they kinda snuck up on me, although now looking back in my minds eye at conversations we have had the things we have both said it's obvious that we have both felt something for each other for a while. I feel like it's an affair. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm so sorry to see what your incident was.
I wish you only the best in the future"
Thank you but this was the big turning point where he said he didn't want me to see others. He has said that he doesn't want me to get hurt again. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Does it matter what the relationship is called?
What do you want? Do you want him 24/7 knowing that he'll probably cheat on you too?
Also depends on what you would lose/gain from leaving your husband?"
I have always said to him and anybody else that if I leave my hubby it will because of the reasons that are causing the conflict not because of another person. I do know that things in his marriage aren't rosey (not from him before you all say he is just telling me stuff to make me see him in a good light)
I don't think I want him 24/7. I know he can be a twat but then so can I. And I don't think either of us would ever trust the other person 100% |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm so sorry to see what your incident was.
I wish you only the best in the future
Thank you but this was the big turning point where he said he didn't want me to see others. He has said that he doesn't want me to get hurt again. "
It's still controlling. I am so, so, sorry you went through something so horrendous. And of course people around you want to be protective. But to suggest that as a solution... it's still controlling.
You foubd the worst of what's out there. If you choose not to keep looking, that's your decision. But he can't, shouldn't choose for you. Would he then blame you if a meet didn't go to plan? |
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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago
Paisley |
I think you're going to get hurt what ever happens.
You can't please everyone and the only person you should be keeping happy is yourself.
Remember there are children involved too and they aren't so forgiving when parents break up should that happen.
Good luck in whatever you decide. |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
"I don't like to label things but you've been seeing each other a while, you obviously care about each other so in my eyes that's an affair.
Ps I hope you reported what happened x
Yes 2 yrs in June. I never ment to develop feelings for him they kinda snuck up on me, although now looking back in my minds eye at conversations we have had the things we have both said it's obvious that we have both felt something for each other for a while. I feel like it's an affair. "
Does your hubby know it's been going on for that long?
I can understand why the other guy doesn't want you to meet guys after what happened. He cares and worries about you. You know someone is going to get hurt by this. I guess you need to decide if you would leave your family for another man. Would he also do that? God, what a mess!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm single but looking for a regular fwb and totally accept they will play away, I don't think you can expect anything different on here. Jealousy is a negative emotion anyway but lethal to any open/swinging relationship. It's all about being open and honest. No more easy to find the right person than any relationship |
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"I'm so sorry to see what your incident was.
I wish you only the best in the future
Thank you but this was the big turning point where he said he didn't want me to see others. He has said that he doesn't want me to get hurt again. "
The only person who can make the decision about whether you meet other people or not is you, someone else's fear shouldn't control your life. Other than that I'm not sure what I'd call your relationship but as long as it's consensual and nobody is getting hurt why label it. If however there's potential for anyone involved to be caused pain it might be an idea to think things through a bit. |
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