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is cheating ok?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Being a swinger, what do you consider cheating? Is there such a thing and where do you draw the line on cheating if there is one? And if cheated on could you forgive? What are your thoughts? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Being a swinger, what do you consider cheating? Is there such a thing and where do you draw the line on cheating if there is one? And if cheated on could you forgive? What are your thoughts?"
Cheating requires dishonesty and deception. Not good for a healthy relationship.
Unless cheating's your kink as a couple that is... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Being a swinger, what do you consider cheating? Is there such a thing and where do you draw the line on cheating if there is one? And if cheated on could you forgive? What are your thoughts?"
Cheating is shagging or doing/receiving other acts to someone behind your other half's back. I have been cheated on and it's not good. It's one of the things that I could never forgive  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Of course there is such a thing as cheating. To me it's all about acting in a way that breaks the other person's trust, by lying and being deceitful, going behind their back. We may have sex with other people but if it's not with the full knowledge and consent of the other that would be cheating.
Could I forgive? It would depend on the circumstances but being as we're on here and are very open with each other I would probably find it harder to forgive, why sneak about when you could do it openly with my permission? |
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"Being a swinger, what do you consider cheating? Is there such a thing and where do you draw the line on cheating if there is one? And if cheated on could you forgive? What are your thoughts?
Cheating is shagging or doing/receiving other acts to someone behind your other half's back. I have been cheated on and it's not good. It's one of the things that I could never forgive "
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The only circumstances I'd condone cheating are if the person is in an abusive relationship or in a relationship with someone who's no longer really themselves (through dementia for example).
Generally if you're unhappy with your relationship and can safely talk to your partner about it, you owe it to them to do so. |
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I am a cheat, and it's not Ok, and I'm not proud.
Somehow, I can find a way of justifying it to myself but I would never say I was comfortable with it.
I love my wife, but there is an element of our relationship that is not fulfilled and the desire to do so is greater than my conscience that tells me not to.
One part I enjoy on here, is that I can be totally honest.
I guess I'm going to get a lot of self-righteous singles and couples telling me I'm a bad person, and I can accept that, but I just don't know how to stop.
I'm also guessing there are a significant number of guys on here who are in the same situation. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Are you asking because you're doing it and want to get some feedback, or just posing a question for debate.
In a back and white response...no its not.
In a grey response...no its not, but some may understand why it's happening. If you felt it was OK you'd happily admit to everyone. |
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"I am a cheat, and it's not Ok, and I'm not proud.
Somehow, I can find a way of justifying it to myself but I would never say I was comfortable with it.
I love my wife, but there is an element of our relationship that is not fulfilled and the desire to do so is greater than my conscience that tells me not to.
One part I enjoy on here, is that I can be totally honest.
I guess I'm going to get a lot of self-righteous singles and couples telling me I'm a bad person, and I can accept that, but I just don't know how to stop.
I'm also guessing there are a significant number of guys on here who are in the same situation."
I respect your first sentence anyway,so many people on here seem to get a huge kick out of saying they cheat with person after person. It kinda in a warped way make's a refreshing change. |
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"I am a cheat, and it's not Ok, and I'm not proud.
Somehow, I can find a way of justifying it to myself but I would never say I was comfortable with it.
I love my wife, but there is an element of our relationship that is not fulfilled and the desire to do so is greater than my conscience that tells me not to.
One part I enjoy on here, is that I can be totally honest.
I guess I'm going to get a lot of self-righteous singles and couples telling me I'm a bad person, and I can accept that, but I just don't know how to stop.
I'm also guessing there are a significant number of guys on here who are in the same situation.
I respect your first sentence anyway,so many people on here seem to get a huge kick out of saying they cheat with person after person. It kinda in a warped way make's a refreshing change."
Thank you - Don't get me worng, I'm not taking your statement as an endorsement, but it's nice to know someone understands. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Being a swinger, what do you consider cheating? Is there such a thing and where do you draw the line on cheating if there is one? And if cheated on could you forgive? What are your thoughts?"
Being a swinger is the first big question... can you be a single guy or girl and be a swinger? My assumption was swingers = 'a couple' a non fidelitous couple hence requiring a term to identify from the norm. Otherwise your just a single person looking for sex. My thought being if your single then you can do what you want when you want with who you want so why have a term for it - your single... it's fine?
Cheating is essentially anything involving the deception of the other.
The line being the point of deception.
Depending on the scale of deception and it's circumstances then personally no. So fucking a football team... then not fine. Eating the last rolo then fine.
Because it echos into everything in the entire relationship. |
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By *wcwCouple
over a year ago
cheshire |
Cheating. When one partner goes behind other partners back and does it secretly. And i dont think anyone can forgive the other if found out. Its always on there minds One way or anouther. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Being a swinger, what do you consider cheating? Is there such a thing and where do you draw the line on cheating if there is one? And if cheated on could you forgive? What are your thoughts?"
Yes and there can be cheating in swinging too where one half of a couple, where it's agreed they only meet together, meets others without telling the other half.
Due to past experience I'm hard on cheating and no I wouldn't forgive it. |
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By *ve 66Woman
over a year ago
Blackwood |
After seeing the hurt my kids went through when I divorced my cheating X I make sure I never knowingly go with anyone in a relationship.
A proper cheat is when they lie bout there relationships |
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By *amissCouple
over a year ago
chelmsford |
"After seeing the hurt my kids went through when I divorced my cheating X I make sure I never knowingly go with anyone in a relationship.
A proper cheat is when they lie bout there relationships "
And this is the reality of cheating.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am a cheat, and it's not Ok, and I'm not proud.
Somehow, I can find a way of justifying it to myself but I would never say I was comfortable with it.
I love my wife, but there is an element of our relationship that is not fulfilled and the desire to do so is greater than my conscience that tells me not to.
One part I enjoy on here, is that I can be totally honest.
I guess I'm going to get a lot of self-righteous singles and couples telling me I'm a bad person, and I can accept that, but I just don't know how to stop.
I'm also guessing there are a significant number of guys on here who are in the same situation."
Not just guys, there are us cheating girls as well x  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Cheating, imo, is where you interact with someone in a way you feel a need to conceal from your partner.
That could be as simple as a text or passing flirtation. If you can't tell your partner, it's cheating.  |
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By *amissCouple
over a year ago
chelmsford |
"Cheating, imo, is where you interact with someone in a way you feel a need to conceal from your partner.
That could be as simple as a text or passing flirtation. If you can't tell your partner, it's cheating. "
This, it's all about the deceit. |
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"Cheating, imo, is where you interact with someone in a way you feel a need to conceal from your partner.
That could be as simple as a text or passing flirtation. If you can't tell your partner, it's cheating. "
Yeah, I would agree with that. |
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"I am a cheat, and it's not Ok, and I'm not proud.
Somehow, I can find a way of justifying it to myself but I would never say I was comfortable with it.
I love my wife, but there is an element of our relationship that is not fulfilled and the desire to do so is greater than my conscience that tells me not to.
One part I enjoy on here, is that I can be totally honest.
I guess I'm going to get a lot of self-righteous singles and couples telling me I'm a bad person, and I can accept that, but I just don't know how to stop.
I'm also guessing there are a significant number of guys on here who are in the same situation."
There are...what I don't understand is why not communicate with your wife/partner about your needs ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've only been on here a couple of months but I'd say it's not straight forward. If in a swinging/open relationship if you are honest about your preferences then I wouldn't say that was cheating. Not being honest is cheating generally, I like to think I'm very honest. That said I'd meet someone cheating on their partner, which makes me a hypocrite I reckon. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Something that is decided as "wrong" is inherently almost always decided by other people or person(s), who almost always inherently knows precisely fuck all about the situation they are calling "wrong". |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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" Are you asking because you're doing it and want to get some feedback, or just posing a question for debate.
In a back and white response...no its not.
In a grey response...no its not, but some may understand why it's happening. If you felt it was OK you'd happily admit to everyone."
I was asking for general debate. Like if you let your partner have sex with other people with your knowledge and it's just an act then I was wondering if you could forgive if it was done without you knowing and was just an act. I am not cheat. I used to be but have grown up since. I just wanted to hear people's perspectives. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Being a swinger, what do you consider cheating? Is there such a thing and where do you draw the line on cheating if there is one? And if cheated on could you forgive? What are your thoughts?"
No its not ok.
You can't love somone and put them in a position to be hurt so badly.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've only been on here a couple of months but I'd say it's not straight forward. If in a swinging/open relationship if you are honest about your preferences then I wouldn't say that was cheating. Not being honest is cheating generally, I like to think I'm very honest. That said I'd meet someone cheating on their partner, which makes me a hypocrite I reckon."
I like this answer haha |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Something that is decided as "wrong" is inherently almost always decided by other people or person(s), who almost always inherently knows precisely fuck all about the situation they are calling "wrong"."
I like this answer too |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Being a swinger, what do you consider cheating? Is there such a thing and where do you draw the line on cheating if there is one? And if cheated on could you forgive? What are your thoughts?"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Being a swinger, what do you consider cheating? Is there such a thing and where do you draw the line on cheating if there is one? And if cheated on could you forgive? What are your thoughts?"
Cheating is lying and deceiving your partner.
The cheating is in the deception and lying. Is it okay? If lying and deceiving someone you allegedly love and respect is "okay", then yeah, it's super duper. But the person being cheating on likely wouldn't agree.
If you and your partner swing, or your partner swings on his or her own and everything is above board and the non-swinging partner knows about it and has given their okay - then it's not cheating - it is engaging in an open relationship in accordance with with the agreements established as a couple.
Vixen |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I always get myself in trouble on these threads so keeping it short so to speak no cheating is not ok in my opinion. As a couple who swing we play with other people with each other and both enjoy watching each other. I would be fine for mrs to play solo even go to a club if I New about it. In fact it would be a turn on knowing she out playing and enjoying herself. How ever if I found out she'd been meeting people without me knowing then I would class that as cheating and no I don't think I forgive her. She thinks the same |
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"Being a swinger, what do you consider cheating? Is there such a thing and where do you draw the line on cheating if there is one? And if cheated on could you forgive? What are your thoughts?"
We consider cheating to be performing sexual acts or actively becoming emotionally involved with another person(s) without the other half's knowledge or approval.
Unforgivable to us.
It would cause lack of trust, destroy the relationship and lead directly to anger, misery and, ultimately, the end of the relationship for us.
We do acknowledge that some people have their own personal reasons for doing so, none of which apply to us. If they have compelling reasons, that is their choice and their relationship, only they can gauge the impact it could have for them and are capable of making that choice for themselves. We wouldn't judge others for doing it, just not something we would do. Hopefully, if it did seem likely, we could discuss it first and address the problems that must have led to its potential and either resolve them or break up. Communication is so important in a healthy relationship in our opinion  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Something that is decided as "wrong" is inherently almost always decided by other people or person(s), who almost always inherently knows precisely fuck all about the situation they are calling "wrong"."
Jury system? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" Are you asking because you're doing it and want to get some feedback, or just posing a question for debate.
In a back and white response...no its not.
In a grey response...no its not, but some may understand why it's happening. If you felt it was OK you'd happily admit to everyone.
I was asking for general debate. Like if you let your partner have sex with other people with your knowledge and it's just an act then I was wondering if you could forgive if it was done without you knowing and was just an act. I am not cheat. I used to be but have grown up since. I just wanted to hear people's perspectives."
Firstly I don't "let" my partners do anything. They are individuals who make their own choices about everything in their lives.
Secondly - lying is lying. In society we call this particular type of lie "cheating" instead of lying, but it's still lying. I don't put up with my friends or partners lying to me. At all. Lying is a dumping offense. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I know it's different to cheating, but anyone who's married and has sex with someone other than their spouse is an adulterer! Adultery everywhere on this site, in some countries that's a death penalty! So I guess it's all down to shades of grey and where your own personal moral compass is!
Is cheating ok? I guess it depends on the journey, backstory and personal circumstances in each particular case as to how and why they find themselves cheating.
For some it can be a destructive thing, for others it can actually strengthen their marriage / relationship by preventing resentment or acting as a release. It's never as simple as black and white and I won't judge others on their personal choices without knowing their journey to this point!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What if you have communicated with your wife, and she just doesn't want to try the things you do. do you break up and course a world of pain anyway, or do you just live thinking about what you are missing and what you want ? |
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"What if you have communicated with your wife, and she just doesn't want to try the things you do. do you break up and course a world of pain anyway, or do you just live thinking about what you are missing and what you want ? "
That's for you to decide. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have to addmit I am on fab with out my partners permisio. Or him Even knowing. He speens months away on work boats off shore and I feel its ok as I have needs |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
I don't think it's right on a societal level - if it was, it wouldn't be called cheating if that makes sense? Like you'd just get on with it and your partner would be fine with it without you concealing or lying to them.
My personal view is that things aren't always as simple as the cheater should be burned at the stake. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Op. I'm still undecided after reading everything here. I'll just wait for the next thread to see if anyone can decide the definitive answer. "
;-) yeah I feel this is a topic that should be explored a little more first before reaching a conclusion.. |
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I would say 80 percent of people on here are cheating.
I being one of them. I have been on fab 11 years on and off.
I have had numerous affairs and been cheated on .
Staying in a dead relationship.is a person's own choice.
I judge nobody . We don't know what goes on behind closed doors.
Life is too short... live it |
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Starting the question 'being a swinger....' seems to completely miss the concept and ideas behind swinging.
Swingers would have no different outlook on cheating as the general population. Most will dislike it, others might be doing it.
But true swinging has no link to cheating in any way.
MrB |
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"I would say 80 percent of people on here are cheating.
I being one of them. I have been on fab 11 years on and off.
I have had numerous affairs and been cheated on .
Staying in a dead relationship.is a person's own choice.
I judge nobody . We don't know what goes on behind closed doors.
Life is too short... live it"
80%?!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would say 80 percent of people on here are cheating.
I being one of them. I have been on fab 11 years on and off.
I have had numerous affairs and been cheated on .
Staying in a dead relationship.is a person's own choice.
I judge nobody . We don't know what goes on behind closed doors.
Life is too short... live it"
This is the best Pepsi max advert on here! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Something that is decided as "wrong" is inherently almost always decided by other people or person(s), who almost always inherently knows precisely fuck all about the situation they are calling "wrong".
Jury system?"
Exactly bro! |
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"Of course there is such a thing as cheating. To me it's all about acting in a way that breaks the other person's trust, by lying and being deceitful, going behind their back. We may have sex with other people but if it's not with the full knowledge and consent of the other that would be cheating.
Could I forgive? It would depend on the circumstances but being as we're on here and are very open with each other I would probably find it harder to forgive, why sneak about when you could do it openly with my permission? "
Exactly the same for us. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Op. I'm still undecided after reading everything here. I'll just wait for the next thread to see if anyone can decide the definitive answer.
;-) yeah I feel this is a topic that should be explored a little more first before reaching a conclusion.. "
by just throwing around generalisations and cliches for good measure.
I have learned one thing since joining fab. We're all human beings. |
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"I am a cheat, and it's not Ok, and I'm not proud.
"
To me that is the most honest comment someone in your position can make.
Two wrongs do not make a right - whatever the REASON for someone cheating, the lying, deceiving and breaking of the contract is never going to be right, it is a wrong thing to do, period. Lets just call a spade a spade shall we?
We all 'do wrong things' in one way or another, we all fail daily in something, so I don't judge the person - but I can judge the act, and that is why so many rows break out when cheaters try and justify their actions or deny that cheating is wrong 'in their circumstances'.
No, when we do something intrinsically wrong, I think we should acknowledge we are CHOOSING to do a wrong thing. We can say we feel it is the lesser of two evils, or the only action we are strong enough to take at the time, or we are too fearful to do what's right, or simply that we are being self-centred and hard-hearted if that is the case!! But own it, whatever you do!
And yes, I do wonder if more people stopped putting their head in the sand and actually owned what they were doing they might find the balls and motivation to find a better way.
In terms of marriage or any other relationship I believe both parties have the right to free choice - to know the facts and to choose to end it if they cannot accept them. I do not feel any person has the right to take years of someone else's life under false pretenses. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am a cheat, and it's not Ok, and I'm not proud.
To me that is the most honest comment someone in your position can make.
Two wrongs do not make a right - whatever the REASON for someone cheating, the lying, deceiving and breaking of the contract is never going to be right, it is a wrong thing to do, period. Lets just call a spade a spade shall we?
We all 'do wrong things' in one way or another, we all fail daily in something, so I don't judge the person - but I can judge the act, and that is why so many rows break out when cheaters try and justify their actions or deny that cheating is wrong 'in their circumstances'.
No, when we do something intrinsically wrong, I think we should acknowledge we are CHOOSING to do a wrong thing. We can say we feel it is the lesser of two evils, or the only action we are strong enough to take at the time, or we are too fearful to do what's right, or simply that we are being self-centred and hard-hearted if that is the case!! But own it, whatever you do!
And yes, I do wonder if more people stopped putting their head in the sand and actually owned what they were doing they might find the balls and motivation to find a better way.
In terms of marriage or any other relationship I believe both parties have the right to free choice - to know the facts and to choose to end it if they cannot accept them. I do not feel any person has the right to take years of someone else's life under false pretenses."
So where does the cheating start? If you enter into a monogamous sexual relationship and at some point your partner declares by words or actions that they no longer want to have a sexual element to your relationship and expect you to just live with it, have they cheated you? Or are you the cheat because you still feel the need for sex but have to now find it elsewhere behind their back? |
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"I am a cheat, and it's not Ok, and I'm not proud.
To me that is the most honest comment someone in your position can make.
Two wrongs do not make a right - whatever the REASON for someone cheating, the lying, deceiving and breaking of the contract is never going to be right, it is a wrong thing to do, period. Lets just call a spade a spade shall we?
We all 'do wrong things' in one way or another, we all fail daily in something, so I don't judge the person - but I can judge the act, and that is why so many rows break out when cheaters try and justify their actions or deny that cheating is wrong 'in their circumstances'.
No, when we do something intrinsically wrong, I think we should acknowledge we are CHOOSING to do a wrong thing. We can say we feel it is the lesser of two evils, or the only action we are strong enough to take at the time, or we are too fearful to do what's right, or simply that we are being self-centred and hard-hearted if that is the case!! But own it, whatever you do!
And yes, I do wonder if more people stopped putting their head in the sand and actually owned what they were doing they might find the balls and motivation to find a better way.
In terms of marriage or any other relationship I believe both parties have the right to free choice - to know the facts and to choose to end it if they cannot accept them. I do not feel any person has the right to take years of someone else's life under false pretenses.
So where does the cheating start? If you enter into a monogamous sexual relationship and at some point your partner declares by words or actions that they no longer want to have a sexual element to your relationship and expect you to just live with it, have they cheated you? Or are you the cheat because you still feel the need for sex but have to now find it elsewhere behind their back?"
No-one 'has to' do anything. Yes, if they deny you something that is intrinsic to your marriage they may have indeed broken the contract. But the only adult, honest thing to do IMO is to discuss that and the reasons for it and come to a place of agreement - even if that is an agreement it is over. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What if you have communicated with your wife, and she just doesn't want to try the things you do. do you break up and course a world of pain anyway, or do you just live thinking about what you are missing and what you want ? "
When I was in that situation I left. Because I decided that sex was more important to me than my partner. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What if you have communicated with your wife, and she just doesn't want to try the things you do. do you break up and course a world of pain anyway, or do you just live thinking about what you are missing and what you want ?
When I was in that situation I left. Because I decided that sex was more important to me than my partner."
I, on the other hand, told my partner about my sexuality and was pleasantly surprised to find she was supportive of me exploring it.
I married her!  |
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By *amissCouple
over a year ago
chelmsford |
"I am a cheat, and it's not Ok, and I'm not proud.
To me that is the most honest comment someone in your position can make.
Two wrongs do not make a right - whatever the REASON for someone cheating, the lying, deceiving and breaking of the contract is never going to be right, it is a wrong thing to do, period. Lets just call a spade a spade shall we?
We all 'do wrong things' in one way or another, we all fail daily in something, so I don't judge the person - but I can judge the act, and that is why so many rows break out when cheaters try and justify their actions or deny that cheating is wrong 'in their circumstances'.
No, when we do something intrinsically wrong, I think we should acknowledge we are CHOOSING to do a wrong thing. We can say we feel it is the lesser of two evils, or the only action we are strong enough to take at the time, or we are too fearful to do what's right, or simply that we are being self-centred and hard-hearted if that is the case!! But own it, whatever you do!
And yes, I do wonder if more people stopped putting their head in the sand and actually owned what they were doing they might find the balls and motivation to find a better way.
In terms of marriage or any other relationship I believe both parties have the right to free choice - to know the facts and to choose to end it if they cannot accept them. I do not feel any person has the right to take years of someone else's life under false pretenses.
So where does the cheating start? If you enter into a monogamous sexual relationship and at some point your partner declares by words or actions that they no longer want to have a sexual element to your relationship and expect you to just live with it, have they cheated you? Or are you the cheat because you still feel the need for sex but have to now find it elsewhere behind their back?"
No they haven't cheated you, because they have been honest with you, how you deal with that afterwards is up to you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So where does the cheating start? If you enter into a monogamous sexual relationship and at some point your partner declares by words or actions that they no longer want to have a sexual element to your relationship and expect you to just live with it, have they cheated you? Or are you the cheat because you still feel the need for sex but have to now find it elsewhere behind their back?"
Feeling the need for sex is normal.
You don't HAVE to do anything.
You make choices. One of those choices could be to say to your partner "I need and I want sex. You don't seem to. How do you feel about me fulfilling those needs elsewhere?" If the answer is yes, you discuss mutually agreeable terms. If the answer is no you:
A) suck it up
B) cheat
C) leave
It's not rocket science. But as Frisky Mare said earlier, OWN IT. The option you choose indicates what matters most to you.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What if you have communicated with your wife, and she just doesn't want to try the things you do. do you break up and course a world of pain anyway, or do you just live thinking about what you are missing and what you want ?
When I was in that situation I left. Because I decided that sex was more important to me than my partner.
I, on the other hand, told my partner about my sexuality and was pleasantly surprised to find she was supportive of me exploring it.
I married her! "
I told him and he wasn't interested in doing it with me, and he wasn't interested in me doing it with other people. So then I wasn't interested in doing life with him anymore. |
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"So where does the cheating start? If you enter into a monogamous sexual relationship and at some point your partner declares by words or actions that they no longer want to have a sexual element to your relationship and expect you to just live with it, have they cheated you? Or are you the cheat because you still feel the need for sex but have to now find it elsewhere behind their back?
Feeling the need for sex is normal.
You don't HAVE to do anything.
You make choices. One of those choices could be to say to your partner "I need and I want sex. You don't seem to. How do you feel about me fulfilling those needs elsewhere?" If the answer is yes, you discuss mutually agreeable terms. If the answer is no you:
A) suck it up
B) cheat
C) leave
It's not rocket science. But as Frisky Mare said earlier, OWN IT. The option you choose indicates what matters most to you.
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am a cheat, and it's not Ok, and I'm not proud.
To me that is the most honest comment someone in your position can make.
Two wrongs do not make a right - whatever the REASON for someone cheating, the lying, deceiving and breaking of the contract is never going to be right, it is a wrong thing to do, period. Lets just call a spade a spade shall we?
We all 'do wrong things' in one way or another, we all fail daily in something, so I don't judge the person - but I can judge the act, and that is why so many rows break out when cheaters try and justify their actions or deny that cheating is wrong 'in their circumstances'.
No, when we do something intrinsically wrong, I think we should acknowledge we are CHOOSING to do a wrong thing. We can say we feel it is the lesser of two evils, or the only action we are strong enough to take at the time, or we are too fearful to do what's right, or simply that we are being self-centred and hard-hearted if that is the case!! But own it, whatever you do!
And yes, I do wonder if more people stopped putting their head in the sand and actually owned what they were doing they might find the balls and motivation to find a better way.
In terms of marriage or any other relationship I believe both parties have the right to free choice - to know the facts and to choose to end it if they cannot accept them. I do not feel any person has the right to take years of someone else's life under false pretenses.
So where does the cheating start? If you enter into a monogamous sexual relationship and at some point your partner declares by words or actions that they no longer want to have a sexual element to your relationship and expect you to just live with it, have they cheated you? Or are you the cheat because you still feel the need for sex but have to now find it elsewhere behind their back?"
People don't just decide out of nowhere that they don't want sex anymore. In my experience, they're usually just sick of not having their needs met. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Another question - off at a slight tangent (sorry!)
Is adultery ok?
(Adultery - noun : voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a person who is not their spouse)
Millions - in fact billions I expect - would think it isn't, indeed it's still a criminal offence in 21 US States and stoning is a legal punishment for adultery in 15 countries.
Why isn't it as black and white as cheating to some adulterers? Surely there is only one version of right and wrong? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Feeling the need for sex is normal.
You don't HAVE to do anything.
You make choices. One of those choices could be to say to your partner "I need and I want sex. You don't seem to. How do you feel about me fulfilling those needs elsewhere?" If the answer is yes, you discuss mutually agreeable terms. If the answer is no you:
A) suck it up
B) cheat
C) leave
It's not rocket science. But as Frisky Mare said earlier, OWN IT. The option you choose indicates what matters most to you."
This is a bloody good post!!
Some people "love cheating" going behind their partners back and they don't care what the consequences are or who gets hurt. I choose to keep away from those people.
I will add the following:
Huge respect for people who OWN IT... but when children are involved this becomes very complicated. Personal needs against family needs is more difficult then rocket science!
I hope I am never in that position because people I have spoken to with those circumstances find it really tough emotionally...
If the answer is yes then all good, but if the answer is no... that must be soo hard!
For me personally:
I can understand why people make certain choices, but being single, no children and never married I have not been in a real difficult position. If someone cheated on me and I found out I would never be able to forgive. That would be the worst sinking feeling ever.
I have not cheated on anyone and never will. Treat people how you like to be treated. What goes around comes around. |
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"Another question - off at a slight tangent (sorry!)
Is adultery ok?
(Adultery - noun : voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a person who is not their spouse)
Millions - in fact billions I expect - would think it isn't, indeed it's still a criminal offence in 21 US States and stoning is a legal punishment for adultery in 15 countries.
Why isn't it as black and white as cheating to some adulterers? Surely there is only one version of right and wrong? "
That depends on your belief system, clearly, swingers are obviously not in agreement with religious or secular law on the matter, though some do wrestle with that I am told. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Huge respect for people who OWN IT... but when children are involved this becomes very complicated. Personal needs against family needs is more difficult then rocket science!"
Having been a child with a mother who cheated, this hugely influences my decision not to meet people who cheat.
It wrecked my life. For years I wished she'd just leave and move in with the man she was sleeping with, and let me and my father get on with my life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Another question - off at a slight tangent (sorry!)
Is adultery ok?
(Adultery - noun : voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a person who is not their spouse)
Millions - in fact billions I expect - would think it isn't, indeed it's still a criminal offence in 21 US States and stoning is a legal punishment for adultery in 15 countries.
Why isn't it as black and white as cheating to some adulterers? Surely there is only one version of right and wrong? "
Adultery as swinging is consensual.
Adultery as cheating is not.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am a cheat, and it's not Ok, and I'm not proud.
To me that is the most honest comment someone in your position can make.
Two wrongs do not make a right - whatever the REASON for someone cheating, the lying, deceiving and breaking of the contract is never going to be right, it is a wrong thing to do, period. Lets just call a spade a spade shall we?
We all 'do wrong things' in one way or another, we all fail daily in something, so I don't judge the person - but I can judge the act, and that is why so many rows break out when cheaters try and justify their actions or deny that cheating is wrong 'in their circumstances'.
No, when we do something intrinsically wrong, I think we should acknowledge we are CHOOSING to do a wrong thing. We can say we feel it is the lesser of two evils, or the only action we are strong enough to take at the time, or we are too fearful to do what's right, or simply that we are being self-centred and hard-hearted if that is the case!! But own it, whatever you do!
And yes, I do wonder if more people stopped putting their head in the sand and actually owned what they were doing they might find the balls and motivation to find a better way.
In terms of marriage or any other relationship I believe both parties have the right to free choice - to know the facts and to choose to end it if they cannot accept them. I do not feel any person has the right to take years of someone else's life under false pretenses.
So where does the cheating start? If you enter into a monogamous sexual relationship and at some point your partner declares by words or actions that they no longer want to have a sexual element to your relationship and expect you to just live with it, have they cheated you? Or are you the cheat because you still feel the need for sex but have to now find it elsewhere behind their back?
People don't just decide out of nowhere that they don't want sex anymore. In my experience, they're usually just sick of not having their needs met. "
Too many people use sex as a weapon. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Another question - off at a slight tangent (sorry!)
Is adultery ok?
(Adultery - noun : voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a person who is not their spouse)
Millions - in fact billions I expect - would think it isn't, indeed it's still a criminal offence in 21 US States and stoning is a legal punishment for adultery in 15 countries.
Why isn't it as black and white as cheating to some adulterers? Surely there is only one version of right and wrong?
Adultery as swinging is consensual.
Adultery as cheating is not.
"
Billions of people would say that all adultery is wrong. Probably more than that would say 'swinging adultery' is ok.
Who says your morality and gauge of what is acceptable is 'right' and theirs is wrong?
On the issue of cheating it seems very black and white. Cheating is wrong. Yet Adultery is ok?
Or is what what we're ACTUALLY saying is that different people have different views of what is right or wrong - and for anyone to suggest that only THEIR view of morality is the 'correct' one is incredibly blinkered? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Cheating, imo, is where you interact with someone in a way you feel a need to conceal from your partner.
That could be as simple as a text or passing flirtation. If you can't tell your partner, it's cheating. "
Yep. Doesn't have to be sexual, just deceitful |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I always get myself in trouble on these threads so keeping it short so to speak no cheating is not ok in my opinion. As a couple who swing we play with other people with each other and both enjoy watching each other. I would be fine for mrs to play solo even go to a club if I New about it. In fact it would be a turn on knowing she out playing and enjoying herself. How ever if I found out she'd been meeting people without me knowing then I would class that as cheating and no I don't think I forgive her. She thinks the same "
Same here
Mrs x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Another question - off at a slight tangent (sorry!)
Is adultery ok?
(Adultery - noun : voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a person who is not their spouse)
Millions - in fact billions I expect - would think it isn't, indeed it's still a criminal offence in 21 US States and stoning is a legal punishment for adultery in 15 countries.
Why isn't it as black and white as cheating to some adulterers? Surely there is only one version of right and wrong?
Adultery as swinging is consensual.
Adultery as cheating is not.
Billions of people would say that all adultery is wrong. Probably more than that would say 'swinging adultery' is ok.
Who says your morality and gauge of what is acceptable is 'right' and theirs is wrong?
On the issue of cheating it seems very black and white. Cheating is wrong. Yet Adultery is ok?
Or is what what we're ACTUALLY saying is that different people have different views of what is right or wrong - and for anyone to suggest that only THEIR view of morality is the 'correct' one is incredibly blinkered? "
It's their opinion. It's right for them. I agree that saying only *their* view is correct is just daft.
My opinion: is that adultery is ok if consensual- swinging.
Adultery if non-consensual is cheating. I think cheating is 'wrong'.
However I also understand why people cheat and I'm not slagging them off for it.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Being a swinger, what do you consider cheating? Is there such a thing and where do you draw the line on cheating if there is one? And if cheated on could you forgive? What are your thoughts?"
For me, cheating is anything that their partner would not agree with. So anything from sex texts or flirting really. Depends on the couple. At the other end of the scale, some swinging couples may be happy for their partner to have gangbangs but a 1 on 1 would be cheating. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Cheating, imo, is where you interact with someone in a way you feel a need to conceal from your partner.
That could be as simple as a text or passing flirtation. If you can't tell your partner, it's cheating.
Yep. Doesn't have to be sexual, just deceitful "
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"Being a swinger, what do you consider cheating? Is there such a thing and where do you draw the line on cheating if there is one? And if cheated on could you forgive? What are your thoughts?"
In the words of Arnold Schwarzenegger when caught licking a co stars pussy in his trailer on set : eating isn't cheating |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am a cheat, and it's not Ok, and I'm not proud.
To me that is the most honest comment someone in your position can make.
Two wrongs do not make a right - whatever the REASON for someone cheating, the lying, deceiving and breaking of the contract is never going to be right, it is a wrong thing to do, period. Lets just call a spade a spade shall we?
We all 'do wrong things' in one way or another, we all fail daily in something, so I don't judge the person - but I can judge the act, and that is why so many rows break out when cheaters try and justify their actions or deny that cheating is wrong 'in their circumstances'.
No, when we do something intrinsically wrong, I think we should acknowledge we are CHOOSING to do a wrong thing. We can say we feel it is the lesser of two evils, or the only action we are strong enough to take at the time, or we are too fearful to do what's right, or simply that we are being self-centred and hard-hearted if that is the case!! But own it, whatever you do!
And yes, I do wonder if more people stopped putting their head in the sand and actually owned what they were doing they might find the balls and motivation to find a better way.
In terms of marriage or any other relationship I believe both parties have the right to free choice - to know the facts and to choose to end it if they cannot accept them. I do not feel any person has the right to take years of someone else's life under false pretenses.
So where does the cheating start? If you enter into a monogamous sexual relationship and at some point your partner declares by words or actions that they no longer want to have a sexual element to your relationship and expect you to just live with it, have they cheated you? Or are you the cheat because you still feel the need for sex but have to now find it elsewhere behind their back?
People don't just decide out of nowhere that they don't want sex anymore. In my experience, they're usually just sick of not having their needs met.
Too many people use sex as a weapon. "
And you could say to many people use disrespect as a weapon, or lack of support as a weapon. All things that could, and do, lead to people feeling totally unattracted to their partner and not wanting to have sex with them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am a cheat, and it's not Ok, and I'm not proud.
To me that is the most honest comment someone in your position can make.
Two wrongs do not make a right - whatever the REASON for someone cheating, the lying, deceiving and breaking of the contract is never going to be right, it is a wrong thing to do, period. Lets just call a spade a spade shall we?
We all 'do wrong things' in one way or another, we all fail daily in something, so I don't judge the person - but I can judge the act, and that is why so many rows break out when cheaters try and justify their actions or deny that cheating is wrong 'in their circumstances'.
No, when we do something intrinsically wrong, I think we should acknowledge we are CHOOSING to do a wrong thing. We can say we feel it is the lesser of two evils, or the only action we are strong enough to take at the time, or we are too fearful to do what's right, or simply that we are being self-centred and hard-hearted if that is the case!! But own it, whatever you do!
And yes, I do wonder if more people stopped putting their head in the sand and actually owned what they were doing they might find the balls and motivation to find a better way.
In terms of marriage or any other relationship I believe both parties have the right to free choice - to know the facts and to choose to end it if they cannot accept them. I do not feel any person has the right to take years of someone else's life under false pretenses.
So where does the cheating start? If you enter into a monogamous sexual relationship and at some point your partner declares by words or actions that they no longer want to have a sexual element to your relationship and expect you to just live with it, have they cheated you? Or are you the cheat because you still feel the need for sex but have to now find it elsewhere behind their back?
People don't just decide out of nowhere that they don't want sex anymore. In my experience, they're usually just sick of not having their needs met.
Too many people use sex as a weapon.
And you could say to many people use disrespect as a weapon, or lack of support as a weapon. All things that could, and do, lead to people feeling totally unattracted to their partner and not wanting to have sex with them. "
I agree. x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am a cheat, and it's not Ok, and I'm not proud.
To me that is the most honest comment someone in your position can make.
Two wrongs do not make a right - whatever the REASON for someone cheating, the lying, deceiving and breaking of the contract is never going to be right, it is a wrong thing to do, period. Lets just call a spade a spade shall we?
We all 'do wrong things' in one way or another, we all fail daily in something, so I don't judge the person - but I can judge the act, and that is why so many rows break out when cheaters try and justify their actions or deny that cheating is wrong 'in their circumstances'.
No, when we do something intrinsically wrong, I think we should acknowledge we are CHOOSING to do a wrong thing. We can say we feel it is the lesser of two evils, or the only action we are strong enough to take at the time, or we are too fearful to do what's right, or simply that we are being self-centred and hard-hearted if that is the case!! But own it, whatever you do!
And yes, I do wonder if more people stopped putting their head in the sand and actually owned what they were doing they might find the balls and motivation to find a better way.
In terms of marriage or any other relationship I believe both parties have the right to free choice - to know the facts and to choose to end it if they cannot accept them. I do not feel any person has the right to take years of someone else's life under false pretenses.
So where does the cheating start? If you enter into a monogamous sexual relationship and at some point your partner declares by words or actions that they no longer want to have a sexual element to your relationship and expect you to just live with it, have they cheated you? Or are you the cheat because you still feel the need for sex but have to now find it elsewhere behind their back?
People don't just decide out of nowhere that they don't want sex anymore. In my experience, they're usually just sick of not having their needs met.
Too many people use sex as a weapon.
And you could say to many people use disrespect as a weapon, or lack of support as a weapon. All things that could, and do, lead to people feeling totally unattracted to their partner and not wanting to have sex with them.
I agree. x"
The point I'm making is, it very probably isn't a weapon. None of it is. It's two people unable to understand the needs of the other and doing what they can to protect themselves.
I wouldn't cheat (such a lame little word for something so destructive) I wouldn't knowingly help a man cheat and people who cheat turn me completely off. One person has given a reason for cheating that I could understand, but most... Nah. |
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