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living with terminal illness
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My stepdad was diagnosed with terminal cancer just over a year ago. Hes been in relative good health. Some days like a spring chicken.
But hes taken a turn for the worst. They think he may have heart failure as he has so much fluid. Hes out of breathe all the while and hardly eats.
I think because we had a good year we had come to terms with it. But now it just makes me so sad and has sunk home. I try and be brave in front of him and my mum and practical. But im finding it harder. I cry on my own but not in front of them.
Part of me wishes he would die before the worst sets in. I feel im in no mans land.
Dont even know why im writing this but i dont want to talk to my friends as i find it to hard.
Jay is my rock.
I tried to keep it at the back of my mind but its all im thinking about now |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Big hugs. It's a hard process.
I think you grieve in stages. For all the thibgs they no longer are, for all the things you won't do together.
I hope you have a decent support network. Take time to take care x |
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"Big hugs. It's a hard process.
I think you grieve in stages. For all the thibgs they no longer are, for all the things you won't do together.
I hope you have a decent support network. Take time to take care x"
thankyou |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My step-dad passed away of heart failure related complications back in 2012 so big hugs. He went quite quickly, which for him was a blessing but a shock for my mum and me. x
It's never easy losing someone we love, and i never know what to say, but if you have a good support network around you then let them look after you and just be with those you love. They're all that matters x
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By *W ChapMan
over a year ago
Swindon |
There is only one possible consolation with this (had this with my Dad and his Alzheimer's), in that you've already started the grieving process, which hopefully will make it easier when he does eventually pass.
My thoughts are with you, it's a horrible time x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's an awful thing watching someone you love slowly start to deteriorate before your eyes..
Had a similar experience with my mum before she passed 3 yrs ago
Big hugs xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My wife and I watched her dad deteriorate in front of our very eyes. He went from a six foot six hulk of a man to a frail old guy in a matter of months. It was awful. Our thoughts and prayers are with you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's better you talk about it, even on here? Many folk will have experienced cimular circumstances, sending you hugs, prayers and hope. Keep positive everything will be okay. |
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"Thankyou everyone. I guess today i just dont feel like trying to smile"
And some days you don't have to
It is tough.
There will be good days and then there will be days when you wonder why the hell on earth you have to go through it.
Whatever gets you through the day, no matter what it takes  |
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"My wife and I watched her dad deteriorate in front of our very eyes. He went from a six foot six hulk of a man to a frail old guy in a matter of months. It was awful. Our thoughts and prayers are with you. "
I could have written this about my dad. 
Heart goes out to you Diamond xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My stepdad was diagnosed with terminal cancer just over a year ago. Hes been in relative good health. Some days like a spring chicken.
But hes taken a turn for the worst. They think he may have heart failure as he has so much fluid. Hes out of breathe all the while and hardly eats.
I think because we had a good year we had come to terms with it. But now it just makes me so sad and has sunk home. I try and be brave in front of him and my mum and practical. But im finding it harder. I cry on my own but not in front of them.
Part of me wishes he would die before the worst sets in. I feel im in no mans land.
Dont even know why im writing this but i dont want to talk to my friends as i find it to hard.
Jay is my rock.
I tried to keep it at the back of my mind but its all im thinking about now"
Share. I know of a few similar Fabbers in that situation. Stay as strong as you can and try to enjoy the time you have. X |
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"Thankyou everyone. I guess today i just dont feel like trying to smile
And some days you don't have to
It is tough.
There will be good days and then there will be days when you wonder why the hell on earth you have to go through it.
Whatever gets you through the day, no matter what it takes "
Exactly this!! Honey is a wise woman |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm sorry to read what's happening to your step dad. It does seem that cancer suddenly takes grip. I watched my Mum lose her hair, and she seemed ok for a while. Then the cancer spread to her brain so as soon as she was off steroids (they couldn't keep her on them for long) she could no longer really communicate with us. She refused radiotherapy as she had had enough.
I found my friends a source of solace but only a select few, as my Mum didn't want everyone to know it was terminal.
Is there MacMillan nurse you can speak to or do you have a sibling or other close relative besides Jay to just talk to? I think there's a Macmillan forum for relatives too that you can read and join.
I think it's important to just do very normal things too, like go for a coffee just to get a break as it's very physically and emotionally draining dealing with a terminal illness.
Your Mum will need you so you're really caring for two people which makes it harder.
If you ever just want a chat let me know. Xx
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By *amissCouple
over a year ago
chelmsford |
Bless you Diamond.xxx Had this last year with my Mum. She had heart failure and died peacefully in her sleep. Very hard times and for my Dad too. It takes a long time to come to terms with it, but I'm finding each day is easier and I have my lovely Dad to look after. We laugh and cry together over my Mum. Sending heartfelt thoughts to you and your family and keep talking, especially to Jay. Hugs, Carole xxx |
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By *s_macWoman
over a year ago
Traffic land |
"Thankyou everyone. I guess today i just dont feel like trying to smile"
Don't try if you don't want to x
My Dad was diagnosed as terminal July 2015 (after being treated for AML for 2 years previously) and died in the October. It is really tough knowing it's coming, but I am grateful that we had the opportunity to have time together (we were not local to one another) and say some of the things we wanted to say.
Be kind to yourself, go with how you feel, I think that was one of my lessons. Cry, laugh, close yourself off temporarily if you need to. I found if I tried to keep a brave face for long, or keep going to make it easier for everyone else, there was often a much harder fall to follow (still is if I shelve dealing with the feelings for too long).
I really feel for you and keep talking if you need to, sometimes the anonymity of expressing yourself in a forum like this can be quite cathartic and you will find those with similar experiences. Look after yourself x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i lost a past partner after 2 years of good times then less than a year of cancer - does take over your whole being for a time but accept there is nothing you can do but be there and love them - remember to make time for you if you can - and there is no right or wrong way to deal with it so go with the flow and take support when its offered - hugs for you x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's not selfish it's natural. You're being human to have all those emotions. To pretend they don't exist would benefit no one.
I'm sure a lot of what's said on the Internet can seem superficial but I wish you well at this time. You were so very sincere. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My stepdad was diagnosed with terminal cancer just over a year ago. Hes been in relative good health. Some days like a spring chicken.
But hes taken a turn for the worst. They think he may have heart failure as he has so much fluid. Hes out of breathe all the while and hardly eats.
I think because we had a good year we had come to terms with it. But now it just makes me so sad and has sunk home. I try and be brave in front of him and my mum and practical. But im finding it harder. I cry on my own but not in front of them.
Part of me wishes he would die before the worst sets in. I feel im in no mans land.
Dont even know why im writing this but i dont want to talk to my friends as i find it to hard.
Jay is my rock.
I tried to keep it at the back of my mind but its all im thinking about now"
I can't imagine what you're going through, it must be awful.
Since talking to your friends is too hard I hope you find the comfort and support you need on here. There's some good folk in the forum.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Very sorry to hear this OP. Hopefully by writing (typing) down your thoughts and feelings has helped a little. Many of us can empathise but we all deal with things differently. My mum had Alzheimer's for 7 years so I can understand the pain of seeing a loved one deteriorate. Sometimes a good old scream and shout helps let it all out. Sending virtual hugs and take good care x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I know how painful this is, I'm so sorry for what you're going through.
Take each day at a time, say all the things you need to and treasure the good days. It's ok to cry, you are already grieving, and it's OK to sometimes wish it was over to spare them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thankyou everyone.
I was having a selfish day. Ive had a good cry and tomorrow i will face the world again"
I don't think it's selfish - take the time to have a bad day and then go back to them with the smile back on
Be kind to yourself too and hugs x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My Dad passed away a few years ago with mesothelioma.
It is hard to watch & even harder to contemplate your life without them.
I now work in palliative care & see this happening to many families.
Make sure, as others have said, that you have a good support network around you.
I'm happy to chat anytime you need sweet X |
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By *s_macWoman
over a year ago
Traffic land |
"Thankyou everyone.
I was having a selfish day. Ive had a good cry and tomorrow i will face the world again"
Please don't think like that, it's not selfish. You've a lot to deal with and emotions are pretty exhausting. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thankyou everyone.
I was having a selfish day. Ive had a good cry and tomorrow i will face the world again"
No, absolutely not selfish! You hurt, of course you do, and sometimes you need to express that. You don't want to put that extra burden on your family, so you posted here. Xx |
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