FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Don't Married People Deserve Intimacy?
Don't Married People Deserve Intimacy?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Nailing my colours to the flag pole here a bit but what's really the difference between an affair and swinging especially if decorum and discretion are paramount. Although, since I'm really just referring to myself, not multiple liaisons just one substantial one.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Don't married people deserve trust and honesty?
Spouses that is......."
Yes you're right but, and I'm not justifying myself just trying to be open and honest, what I'm completely missing is the warmth, female compassion and empathy,as well as intimacy, from just holding hands to sex and everything in between.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To be married and have taken the vows or made a commitment to another person must have involved feelings,so why down the line would that same person you had feelings for, deserve such betrayal all for the sake of sex, swinging as a couple and cheating are totally different, not understanding this shows a lack of understanding of swinging. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Cheating is cheating..
Swinging behind a partners back just means more than one partner for most.
"
i agree with this..if people are going to cheat, fair enough, go ahead and cheat...there are enough people who don't mind meeting people who are cheating, so there's no real need for any 'explanantion' of it, just get on with it. At least have enough respect for people that don't want to meet you, that you don't insult their intelligence by trying to explain why you and your reasons are should be an exception... |
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"Don't married people deserve trust and honesty?
Spouses that is.......
Yes you're right but, and I'm not justifying myself just trying to be open and honest, what I'm completely missing is the warmth, female compassion and empathy,as well as intimacy, from just holding hands to sex and everything in between.
"
Oh I understand, I have been there - I wish I'd ended it years before we eventually split, and I was never cheated on! But that's the point - I was not given all the information. I feel strongly that no-one has a right to waste years of someone else's life under false pretenses, for that is what is effectively occurring if someone withholds, breaks trust, deceives, or moves the goalposts, in WHATEVER way.
IMO people need to face the truth, own the truth, share the truth, and adjust to the consequences. People say 'Oh I don't want to leave my wife I still love her' but it's not about you - maybe if your wife knew how you felt she'd leave you, and she needs to be given free choice!!!
Cheating removes the other party's free choice, and I'd say the same about any deep deception in a marriage. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think the difference between an affair and just swinging is the emotional connection. While having a cheating partner who has sex with others is hard to stomach, having a partner who emotionally cheats Can be far worse for some.
I'm not judging anyone, circumstances are different for everyone and there's no clear cut answer to the question. We all have to live with the consequences of our actions, and I'm sure I'd be judged by some harshly. |
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No is the short answer.
I have taken 'deserve' as the keyword.
Comes down to people squealing about their rights and the less enlightened tend to think they are entitled to what they want.
Is intimacy important? Yes. Very. |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
•+• Access Denied •+• |
You've got to make yourself a person that people want to be intimate with.
Not everyone deserves intimacy i feel. they might want it but not be capable of giving it back, leaving the other person feeling used.
a lot of people get what they don't deserve though and it usually fucks the other person up because they get a lie. |
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The human condition is complicated and difficult to negotiate.
Feeling loved and everything that goes with that is probably what most people want. Do we deserve it whatever our personal circumstances? I do know that without love and intimacy our lives are poorer. If love and emotional intimacy were present would you be happy without physical intimacy? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes everyone deserves intimacy especially if they signed up for just that by getting married. Cheating is wrong but so is withholding affection and expecting the other partner to be ok with the goal posts being moved. In both cases there needs to be a serious conversation going on about where the relationship is headed because both are equally guilty in causing the breakdown. |
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There is a lot of intimacy in swinging , you can make it what you want , it is really intimate, what you will have to accept is no matter how sweet the swinging lovers dick or pussy is you have to share, thats the reality of the lifestyle. If you can accept that you have a girl that has so many other boyfriends or a guy that has so many other girlfriends you are going to enjoy your swinging lovers as if you were in a marriage with them. |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
Affair....Getting together regularly with someone you are quite likely to fall for.
Swinging....Getting together with someone whenever it suits both of you for nsa sex knowing that's all it will ever be.
There's obviously a lot more to it than that but that's it for me in a nut shell. |
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I am kind of worried when I come across people who arrogate themselves the right to determine who understands swinging and who does not.
For fuck sake, fuck and let fuck!! You might not be happy with the way somebody does it. It does not make you the way the light and the one true God, to coin a phrase. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don't Married People Deserve Intimacy?"
I believe yes but from the person you are actually married to.
If there is no intimacy in a marriage then maybe it's time to take a look why and what you can both do to change it because being part of a couple takes effort from both parties.
If for me it got to the stage where I wanted to meet females behind my partners back I would have to think if it's really fair for me to stop with my partner.
If there was medical reasons behind it then I still wouldn't meet other women, I took my vows when we got married.
"to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."
Sorry if I sound brutal or strongly opinionated about this but it's how I feel and no offense meant. |
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By *yldstyleWoman
over a year ago
A world of my own |
"Yes everyone deserves intimacy especially if they signed up for just that by getting married. Cheating is wrong but so is withholding affection and expecting the other partner to be ok with the goal posts being moved. In both cases there needs to be a serious conversation going on about where the relationship is headed because both are equally guilty in causing the breakdown."
This |
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"So let me get this straight..
All married people are cheaters and therefore should be stoned?
?"
I know it's hard to differentiate but I for one can discuss a behaviour or a moral question without condemning *people*. There is a difference between behaviour and identity - we all fall short somewhere of course, but that does not mean we cannot agree what we think is right and wrong, a good idea and bad one. |
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"Swinging is cheating, or at least is adultery. What is the difference? It is just that some "swingers" perceive swinging to be different to adultery, but that is nonsense really."
It's to do with trust and deception - that makes 'the act' a totally different animal. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don't Married People Deserve Intimacy?
I believe yes but from the person you are actually married to.
If there is no intimacy in a marriage then maybe it's time to take a look why and what you can both do to change it because being part of a couple takes effort from both parties.
If for me it got to the stage where I wanted to meet females behind my partners back I would have to think if it's really fair for me to stop with my partner.
If there was medical reasons behind it then I still wouldn't meet other women, I took my vows when we got married.
"to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."
Sorry if I sound brutal or strongly opinionated about this but it's how I feel and no offense meant."
I sometimes feel if as many people put the effort into their relationship as they do in trying to get a quick illicit fuck thrill off here, then their relationship troubles might not be quite so troublesome.
But no. Someone always gets hurt. Usually the poor sod who has done fuck all wrong.
But it's their fault because they don't understand their partner after 25 years of marriage.
Actually they probably do get their partner and that is why they no longer want to shag them.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Swinging is cheating, or at least is adultery. What is the difference? It is just that some "swingers" perceive swinging to be different to adultery, but that is nonsense really."
Swinging isn't cheating. There's no deceit ongoing? It's consensual between partners.
Adultery is completely different and I daresay you know that. I knew it when I committed it and there is no comparison.
Do people deserve intimacy? No, but they NEED it in most cases. We all want to be loved and needed. That's natural. I think sadly some of us find out that sex isn't necessarily the essential ingredient in providing that physical intimacy. Sometimes simple hugs,gestures and kisses will provide it far more effectively.
I hope you find it OP, it is terribly lonely without it in your life. |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"Sorry doc....it seems this is turning into the holier then though....on a swinging site  "
Even a swinging site will bring people with different values/morals. Just because they are swinging doesn't mean they would accept everything in life as being right to them. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've read your profile OP, it does sound like you are looking for a little more than a fb type thing.
I hope you find it "
Thank you, no I'm not looking for fb type at all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not everyone in a relationship deserves intimacy. Some treat their partner terribly and are mentally or physically abusive so I don't agree with the word deserve.
I get that it's difficult for those who are in a sexless relationship but, having been there myself a long time ago. I didn't cheat I left. Not everyone can or will ever leave, but many like to use excuse after excuse as a reason they must stay. In fact for some it's just they're scared of being alone.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don't Married People Deserve Intimacy?
I believe yes but from the person you are actually married to.
If there is no intimacy in a marriage then maybe it's time to take a look why and what you can both do to change it because being part of a couple takes effort from both parties.
If for me it got to the stage where I wanted to meet females behind my partners back I would have to think if it's really fair for me to stop with my partner.
If there was medical reasons behind it then I still wouldn't meet other women, I took my vows when we got married.
"to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."
Sorry if I sound brutal or strongly opinionated about this but it's how I feel and no offense meant.
I sometimes feel if as many people put the effort into their relationship as they do in trying to get a quick illicit fuck thrill off here, then their relationship troubles might not be quite so troublesome.
But no. Someone always gets hurt. Usually the poor sod who has done fuck all wrong.
But it's their fault because they don't understand their partner after 25 years of marriage.
Actually they probably do get their partner and that is why they no longer want to shag them.
"
Fuck, you're good |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don't married people deserve trust and honesty?
Spouses that is.......
Doesn't everyone deserve trust and honesty in any relationship ?? "
Or in life generally? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The word 'deserve' in relation to adults, makes me uncomfortable. No one deserves anything, especially at the expense of someone else.
I believe people reap what they sow. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We deserve what we are prepared to take or put up with.
Don't disagree with many of the sentiments raised on this post as logically and ethically they are spot on. But life doesn't work in ideals I find and as such the reality is there is so much grey  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If your not happy in a relationship and youve tried to
Improve it ....its best to be honest with your partner ... swinging or an affair will not make you feel better ...."
Complications sometimes make this a lot easier to say then do. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If your not happy in a relationship and youve tried to
Improve it ....its best to be honest with your partner ... swinging or an affair will not make you feel better ...."
Sometimes it's not about being unhappy in general, it might be solely about the intimacy. As such a site like Fab can fill that void and you get the best of both, rightly or wrongly |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Nailing my colours to the flag pole here a bit but what's really the difference between an affair and swinging especially if decorum and discretion are paramount. Although, since I'm really just referring to myself, not multiple liaisons just one substantial one.
"
An affair usually means that someone is cheating on their partner, unless they have permission of course which usually it means it isn't an affair.
Swinging is more about honest and being open.
Isn't that the difference? |
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"If your not happy in a relationship and youve tried to
Improve it ....its best to be honest with your partner ... swinging or an affair will not make you feel better ....
Sometimes it's not about being unhappy in general, it might be solely about the intimacy. As such a site like Fab can fill that void and you get the best of both, rightly or wrongly "
Can you truly get intimacy with casual sex? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is up to every couple to negotiate I guess. At base then fucking without your partners consent is cheating, with partners consent is swinging. But within that there will be scenarios each may or may not be comfortable with. My ex was happy enough for me to fuck any man at a swingers club or couples we had arranged to meet. But when I fell asleep with my head on a guys chest once ( he was still busy with the guys wife btw!) he went mental. That was too intimate for him. So like others have said, good communication and honesty about feelings is paramount. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Nailing my colours to the flag pole here a bit but what's really the difference between an affair and swinging especially if decorum and discretion are paramount. Although, since I'm really just referring to myself, not multiple liaisons just one substantial one.
"
If your wife knows you're shagging her, it's swinging.
If she don't, it's cheating |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If your not happy in a relationship and youve tried to
Improve it ....its best to be honest with your partner ... swinging or an affair will not make you feel better ....
Sometimes it's not about being unhappy in general, it might be solely about the intimacy. As such a site like Fab can fill that void and you get the best of both, rightly or wrongly
Can you truly get intimacy with casual sex?"
I think intercourse is as intimate as you can get.....but I think a good percentage are looking for a tittle more |
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"If your not happy in a relationship and youve tried to
Improve it ....its best to be honest with your partner ... swinging or an affair will not make you feel better ....
Sometimes it's not about being unhappy in general, it might be solely about the intimacy. As such a site like Fab can fill that void and you get the best of both, rightly or wrongly
Can you truly get intimacy with casual sex?
I think intercourse is as intimate as you can get.....but I think a good percentage are looking for a tittle more "
Yes, I think I'm in a minority because I don't feel that way about sex with anyone other than Mr N. I see intimacy as all the other stuff that goes with a relationship. From eyes meeting in silent acknowledgement to sharing huge life events. I think that "some" married people are missing that emotional intimacy and trying to recreate it with casual sex.
I do think married people deserve the kind of intimacy I'm describing, we all need it
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To be married and have taken the vows or made a commitment to another person must have involved feelings,so why down the line would that same person you had feelings for, deserve such betrayal all for the sake of sex, swinging as a couple and cheating are totally different, not understanding this shows a lack of understanding of swinging."
well sumed up |
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"Nailing my colours to the flag pole here a bit but what's really the difference between an affair and swinging especially if decorum and discretion are paramount. Although, since I'm really just referring to myself, not multiple liaisons just one substantial one.
"
Consent
Makes all the difference in the world
Swinging involves a partnership that has agreed and consented work full knowledge of what is happening or is wanted to happen
Cheating, either Sexually or emotionally, is removing the other part of the partnership you're in their 'rights' and expectations.
A sexual act with another person is seldom the real reason that affairs /cheating break apart relationships, it's the deceit and selfish act of not allowing them to consent (or not) in what is happening to something they are meant to be a part of
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There is an enourmous difference between me as a married woman on here illicitly, and a married woman on here with her husband....
That difference is that her husband is more open minded than mine! Nothing more, nothing less.
The sex she has with men outside her marriage does not take a different form than the sex I have with men outside my marriage, in the eyes of the law ( and society) we are both committing adultery.
The fact that she is fortunate enough to be married to someone who a) can perform sexually, and b) is open to her having sex with others does not make her more deserving of a satisfactory sex life than it does me. It just makes it easier for her to arrange. |
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"Nailing my colours to the flag pole here a bit but what's really the difference between an affair and swinging especially if decorum and discretion are paramount. Although, since I'm really just referring to myself, not multiple liaisons just one substantial one.
Consent
Makes all the difference in the world
Swinging involves a partnership that has agreed and consented work full knowledge of what is happening or is wanted to happen
Cheating, either Sexually or emotionally, is removing the other part of the partnership you're in their 'rights' and expectations.
A sexual act with another person is seldom the real reason that affairs /cheating break apart relationships, it's the deceit and selfish act of not allowing them to consent (or not) in what is happening to something they are meant to be a part of
"
I agree with you that people entering into a traditional long term relationship usually expect emotional and physical fidelity. So if one person withdraws the physical or emotional intimacy aren't they reneging on the deal too? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Whenever i see these black or white "cheating" posts I always wonder why we value sexual fidelity so highly?
Why do we have to make vows about it at marriage but, for example, not about drinking excessively, working hard, not beating them up, not gambling away the family money? No part of the wedding ceremony says you can choose which vows to keep.
The biggest danger for those who engage in extramarital sex is emotional attachments not the penis in vagina action. This is why i am amazed at those on Fab who select someone for a NSA fuck as if they were wanting a partner for the rest of their life. Then they want a regular meet and 121 meets. They are just playing with their emotions. |
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"Nailing my colours to the flag pole here a bit but what's really the difference between an affair and swinging especially if decorum and discretion are paramount. Although, since I'm really just referring to myself, not multiple liaisons just one substantial one.
Consent
Makes all the difference in the world
Swinging involves a partnership that has agreed and consented work full knowledge of what is happening or is wanted to happen
Cheating, either Sexually or emotionally, is removing the other part of the partnership you're in their 'rights' and expectations.
A sexual act with another person is seldom the real reason that affairs /cheating break apart relationships, it's the deceit and selfish act of not allowing them to consent (or not) in what is happening to something they are meant to be a part of
I agree with you that people entering into a traditional long term relationship usually expect emotional and physical fidelity. So if one person withdraws the physical or emotional intimacy aren't they reneging on the deal too? "
I can see and agree with this in some ways, but then should they not sit down with their partner and be honest and say that. Then at least the partner can state why that is the case. Many times I am sure there are reasons and it could be a two sided thing. I am sure if many did do this and then said if things do not improve I am off or going to look for what I need. It gives both the option to mend it or end it, if it means more to them than all the other good things they may have in their relationship. Why risk one thing over lots of good things. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Whenever i see these black or white "cheating" posts I always wonder why we value sexual fidelity so highly?
Why do we have to make vows about it at marriage but, for example, not about drinking excessively, working hard, not beating them up, not gambling away the family money? No part of the wedding ceremony says you can choose which vows to keep.
The biggest danger for those who engage in extramarital sex is emotional attachments not the penis in vagina action. This is why i am amazed at those on Fab who select someone for a NSA fuck as if they were wanting a partner for the rest of their life. Then they want a regular meet and 121 meets. They are just playing with their emotions. "
The only flaw with your last bit is.....read the threads were people have formed relationships on here.
I think it's each to their own......live and let live |
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"Nailing my colours to the flag pole here a bit but what's really the difference between an affair and swinging especially if decorum and discretion are paramount. Although, since I'm really just referring to myself, not multiple liaisons just one substantial one.
Consent
Makes all the difference in the world
Swinging involves a partnership that has agreed and consented work full knowledge of what is happening or is wanted to happen
Cheating, either Sexually or emotionally, is removing the other part of the partnership you're in their 'rights' and expectations.
A sexual act with another person is seldom the real reason that affairs /cheating break apart relationships, it's the deceit and selfish act of not allowing them to consent (or not) in what is happening to something they are meant to be a part of
I agree with you that people entering into a traditional long term relationship usually expect emotional and physical fidelity. So if one person withdraws the physical or emotional intimacy aren't they reneging on the deal too?
I can see and agree with this in some ways, but then should they not sit down with their partner and be honest and say that. Then at least the partner can state why that is the case. Many times I am sure there are reasons and it could be a two sided thing. I am sure if many did do this and then said if things do not improve I am off or going to look for what I need. It gives both the option to mend it or end it, if it means more to them than all the other good things they may have in their relationship. Why risk one thing over lots of good things."
There are text book solutions and then there's messy, human solutions. It can be the most difficult thing in the world to sit down with the person you're closest to and open up. You make yourself vulnerable and you have the power to deeply hurt each other, so people don't do it. They blunder along, asking other people what motivates their partner, seeking what's missing elsewhere and generally being unhappy.
I'm always banging on about honesty but its a rare commodity. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For us there is a big difference, I choose not to have any sex without my wife present, but as she lives and works in a different country that is limiting.
She has said NSA sex with other women is fine with her, but an affair or repeated nsa with the same woman would not be OK due to the risk of an emotional connection forming.
I on the other hand am happy for her to have NSA sex with other women anytime, and would be OK with NSA sex with other men while we are forced apart, But again an affair with either would not be acceptable to me.
We all define our own rules, Swinging in a relationship has to be within those rules, if either party doesn't know and agree it becomes cheating.
Given that websites don't know any couples rules, it has to be left to the members to make it work their way. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No marriage can ever be judged by someone who isn't in it. And no two marriages are the same.
A loveless marriage is a long, slow, bitter, lonely journey towards hating yourself and hating your existence. Is it any wonder people do questionable things to alleviate their suffering and momentarily escape their prison?
And some people simply CANNOT just leave, when the alternative is too ghastly.
The cheater has to bear the consequences, and your own guilt is as destructive as your partner's years of silence and apathy.
I do not judge cheats. I'm in no position to.
But I do not meet them. There's only so much deceit a person can subject themselves to.
All we can do is be open about it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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And if I had a pound for every person who's said, 'why don't you just sit down together, and talk about it?', and a pound for every time I've tried, I'd be writing this on a solid gold iPad, from my Lear jet.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No marriage can ever be judged by someone who isn't in it. And no two marriages are the same.
A loveless marriage is a long, slow, bitter, lonely journey towards hating yourself and hating your existence. Is it any wonder people do questionable things to alleviate their suffering and momentarily escape their prison?
And some people simply CANNOT just leave, when the alternative is too ghastly.
The cheater has to bear the consequences, and your own guilt is as destructive as your partner's years of silence and apathy.
I do not judge cheats. I'm in no position to.
But I do not meet them. There's only so much deceit a person can subject themselves to.
All we can do is be open about it."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"And if I had a pound for every person who's said, 'why don't you just sit down together, and talk about it?', and a pound for every time I've tried, I'd be writing this on a solid gold iPad, from my Lear jet.
"
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"And if I had a pound for every person who's said, 'why don't you just sit down together, and talk about it?', and a pound for every time I've tried, I'd be writing this on a solid gold iPad, from my Lear jet.
"
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"Nailing my colours to the flag pole here a bit but what's really the difference between an affair and swinging especially if decorum and discretion are paramount. Although, since I'm really just referring to myself, not multiple liaisons just one substantial one.
Consent
Makes all the difference in the world
Swinging involves a partnership that has agreed and consented work full knowledge of what is happening or is wanted to happen
Cheating, either Sexually or emotionally, is removing the other part of the partnership you're in their 'rights' and expectations.
A sexual act with another person is seldom the real reason that affairs /cheating break apart relationships, it's the deceit and selfish act of not allowing them to consent (or not) in what is happening to something they are meant to be a part of
I agree with you that people entering into a traditional long term relationship usually expect emotional and physical fidelity. So if one person withdraws the physical or emotional intimacy aren't they reneging on the deal too? "
I agree, hence me saying Sexually or emotionally ...
To the outside world i have a very traditional relationship, within it though, it's never been.
I've never been afraid to be honest about who I am with my hubby, but i know that many don't have that freedom and are held back by their fears.
Mainstream expectations hold many people inside relationships that should be over.
The older i get, the happier i am that I've never been that mainstream and that i don't have to hide who i truly am from the person i share my life with |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Nailing my colours to the flag pole here a bit but what's really the difference between an affair and swinging especially if decorum and discretion are paramount. Although, since I'm really just referring to myself, not multiple liaisons just one substantial one.
"
Yes.
Isn't that why you get married? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"So OP.
A couple of people on here have replied to the comments you made.
What are your thoughts on it now?"
What I should have done, like most of the others in my situation on here, was lied, lied and lied again. One poster even alluded to that's what I should have done rather than post my thread.
In relation to breaking marriage vows I agree with the post about why is infidelity regarded as the pariah vow yet others appear almost sacrosanct. Although in that don't remember the "vow" allowing permissive extra marital liaisons so to quote that I think is somewhat hypocritical.
What gets me is that although I may have being stupid and naïve to have posted, albeit it was out of a sense of wanting to be honest to the Fab "family", is how some very popular members of the Forum are in the exact situation as me but don't get any shit.
Perhaps if I took some pics of me wearing stockings with my arse in the air and then constantly moaned about why I can't get a decent pounding I'd be popular as well?
Thank you for reading!
|
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"Swinging is cheating, or at least is adultery. What is the difference? It is just that some "swingers" perceive swinging to be different to adultery, but that is nonsense really."
Swinging is neither cheating nor adultery.
It really is YOU who fails to see the difference. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So OP.
A couple of people on here have replied to the comments you made.
What are your thoughts on it now?
What I should have done, like most of the others in my situation on here, was lied, lied and lied again. One poster even alluded to that's what I should have done rather than post my thread.
In relation to breaking marriage vows I agree with the post about why is infidelity regarded as the pariah vow yet others appear almost sacrosanct. Although in that don't remember the "vow" allowing permissive extra marital liaisons so to quote that I think is somewhat hypocritical.
What gets me is that although I may have being stupid and naïve to have posted, albeit it was out of a sense of wanting to be honest to the Fab "family", is how some very popular members of the Forum are in the exact situation as me but don't get any shit.
Perhaps if I took some pics of me wearing stockings with my arse in the air and then constantly moaned about why I can't get a decent pounding I'd be popular as well?
Thank you for reading!
"
So this whole experiment is an oblique way to have a pop at the clique? |
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"No marriage can ever be judged by someone who isn't in it. And no two marriages are the same.
A loveless marriage is a long, slow, bitter, lonely journey towards hating yourself and hating your existence. Is it any wonder people do questionable things to alleviate their suffering and momentarily escape their prison?
And some people simply CANNOT just leave, when the alternative is too ghastly.
The cheater has to bear the consequences, and your own guilt is as destructive as your partner's years of silence and apathy.
I do not judge cheats. I'm in no position to.
But I do not meet them. There's only so much deceit a person can subject themselves to.
All we can do is be open about it."
An insightful and honest comment. |
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"I thought that's why people got married was for intimacy. since joining the site I realise this is not the case so I ain't never getting married lol"
You and whoever you marry decide the terms of and how you conduct your relationship. Not a single soul else. |
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"Think I'll stay single,saves on the heartache methinks."
Living with anybody for any length of time is difficult. Anyone who claims differently is exceptional. However being married isn't a heartache in many cases. |
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"Think I'll stay single,saves on the heartache methinks.
Living with anybody for any length of time is difficult. Anyone who claims differently is exceptional. However being married isn't a heartache in many cases."
I know,but I'm not sure I have the ability to suffer an affair again. My big sister has been married for 37 year's so I know good marriages do exist. |
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"So OP.
A couple of people on here have replied to the comments you made.
What are your thoughts on it now?
What I should have done, like most of the others in my situation on here, was lied, lied and lied again. One poster even alluded to that's what I should have done rather than post my thread.
In relation to breaking marriage vows I agree with the post about why is infidelity regarded as the pariah vow yet others appear almost sacrosanct. Although in that don't remember the "vow" allowing permissive extra marital liaisons so to quote that I think is somewhat hypocritical.
What gets me is that although I may have being stupid and naïve to have posted, albeit it was out of a sense of wanting to be honest to the Fab "family", is how some very popular members of the Forum are in the exact situation as me but don't get any shit.
Perhaps if I took some pics of me wearing stockings with my arse in the air and then constantly moaned about why I can't get a decent pounding I'd be popular as well?
Thank you for reading!
So this whole experiment is an oblique way to have a pop at the clique? "
First rule of the Forum Clique; never mention the Forum Clique......  |
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"Think I'll stay single,saves on the heartache methinks.
Living with anybody for any length of time is difficult. Anyone who claims differently is exceptional. However being married isn't a heartache in many cases.
I know,but I'm not sure I have the ability to suffer an affair again. My big sister has been married for 37 year's so I know good marriages do exist."
Yes I can understand that. The longer I live the more I realise that we're lucky to have met each other (nobody else would put up with us to be fair) and both have similar values and goals. We're also careful to nurture our marriage as almost a separate thing from the two of us iyswim.
I think some relationships aren't meant to last until death do you part. |
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"Think I'll stay single,saves on the heartache methinks.
Living with anybody for any length of time is difficult. Anyone who claims differently is exceptional. However being married isn't a heartache in many cases.
I know,but I'm not sure I have the ability to suffer an affair again. My big sister has been married for 37 year's so I know good marriages do exist.
Yes I can understand that. The longer I live the more I realise that we're lucky to have met each other (nobody else would put up with us to be fair) and both have similar values and goals. We're also careful to nurture our marriage as almost a separate thing from the two of us iyswim.
I think some relationships aren't meant to last until death do you part."
You are very lucky like my sister,it's not just what I lost but what the kid's lost as well. I wanted them to see their mum and dad walking down the street holding hand's in our 80's. Crap happens though eh,we have to move on. |
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"Think I'll stay single,saves on the heartache methinks.
Living with anybody for any length of time is difficult. Anyone who claims differently is exceptional. However being married isn't a heartache in many cases.
I know,but I'm not sure I have the ability to suffer an affair again. My big sister has been married for 37 year's so I know good marriages do exist.
Yes I can understand that. The longer I live the more I realise that we're lucky to have met each other (nobody else would put up with us to be fair) and both have similar values and goals. We're also careful to nurture our marriage as almost a separate thing from the two of us iyswim.
I think some relationships aren't meant to last until death do you part.
You are very lucky like my sister,it's not just what I lost but what the kid's lost as well. I wanted them to see their mum and dad walking down the street holding hand's in our 80's. Crap happens though eh,we have to move on."
Never was truer word spoken.
Its mostly a game of chance. Thats why if god forbid, I was ever in a position of considering a new relationship I would be clear about what I expected and hoped for from day one. A couple of my friends are in the process of negotiating arranged marriages at the moment and they sit down with the proposed partner at the first meeting to see if they share common goals and values. It seems eminently sensible to me. |
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"Affair....Getting together regularly with someone you are quite likely to fall for.
Swinging....Getting together with someone whenever it suits both of you for nsa sex knowing that's all it will ever be.
There's obviously a lot more to it than that but that's it for me in a nut shell. "
This. Every situation is different however and this is a simplification. Different couples have different reasons for what they do and how they justify what they do.
This is so varied and depending on the readers personal level of how judgemental they are and their acceptance that not all situations are as simple as above and that we are all individuals and humans and making decisions deemed erroneous will be how you view things. |
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"So OP.
A couple of people on here have replied to the comments you made.
What are your thoughts on it now?
What I should have done, like most of the others in my situation on here, was lied, lied and lied again. One poster even alluded to that's what I should have done rather than post my thread.
In relation to breaking marriage vows I agree with the post about why is infidelity regarded as the pariah vow yet others appear almost sacrosanct. Although in that don't remember the "vow" allowing permissive extra marital liaisons so to quote that I think is somewhat hypocritical.
What gets me is that although I may have being stupid and naïve to have posted, albeit it was out of a sense of wanting to be honest to the Fab "family", is how some very popular members of the Forum are in the exact situation as me but don't get any shit.
Perhaps if I took some pics of me wearing stockings with my arse in the air and then constantly moaned about why I can't get a decent pounding I'd be popular as well?
Thank you for reading!
So this whole experiment is an oblique way to have a pop at the clique?
First rule of the Forum Clique; never mention the Forum Clique...... "
What is the clique" eh? Eih? |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"So OP.
A couple of people on here have replied to the comments you made.
What are your thoughts on it now?
What I should have done, like most of the others in my situation on here, was lied, lied and lied again. One poster even alluded to that's what I should have done rather than post my thread.
In relation to breaking marriage vows I agree with the post about why is infidelity regarded as the pariah vow yet others appear almost sacrosanct. Although in that don't remember the "vow" allowing permissive extra marital liaisons so to quote that I think is somewhat hypocritical.
What gets me is that although I may have being stupid and naïve to have posted, albeit it was out of a sense of wanting to be honest to the Fab "family", is how some very popular members of the Forum are in the exact situation as me but don't get any shit.
Perhaps if I took some pics of me wearing stockings with my arse in the air and then constantly moaned about why I can't get a decent pounding I'd be popular as well?
Thank you for reading!
"
I am surprised you thought you had to justify yourself to anyone, the only people who you being married would be relevant to are the people you might meet.
Having said that, because you are cheating doesn't mean couples who are swinging together are, no matter how much justifying you do to yourself, that isn't true and never will be where there is consent. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So OP.
A couple of people on here have replied to the comments you made.
What are your thoughts on it now?
What I should have done, like most of the others in my situation on here, was lied, lied and lied again. One poster even alluded to that's what I should have done rather than post my thread.
In relation to breaking marriage vows I agree with the post about why is infidelity regarded as the pariah vow yet others appear almost sacrosanct. Although in that don't remember the "vow" allowing permissive extra marital liaisons so to quote that I think is somewhat hypocritical.
What gets me is that although I may have being stupid and naïve to have posted, albeit it was out of a sense of wanting to be honest to the Fab "family", is how some very popular members of the Forum are in the exact situation as me but don't get any shit.
Perhaps if I took some pics of me wearing stockings with my arse in the air and then constantly moaned about why I can't get a decent pounding I'd be popular as well?
Thank you for reading!
"
You posted a question though so you're inviting others to comment. By doing so you're drawing extra attention to the fact you are married and playing away.
All week, it's been an ongoing topic and most threads on it haven't gone well.
It's just comments though on an anonymous forum so don't take it too seriously. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
To those very few to whom it is relevant, I've explained about my own marriage.
After doing so, not one has ever questioned my being here.
It's very easy to condemn the notion of infidelity. But on a case-by-case basis, it simply isn't a black and white issue.
The OP is very brave to post about it, as it's a pretty surefire way to be criticised and judged.
He's being upfront, which, in itself, is admirable. I've lost count of the number of men who lie about being single until they trip themselves up, or have to come clean. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"To those very few to whom it is relevant, I've explained about my own marriage.
After doing so, not one has ever questioned my being here.
It's very easy to condemn the notion of infidelity. But on a case-by-case basis, it simply isn't a black and white issue.
The OP is very brave to post about it, as it's a pretty surefire way to be criticised and judged.
He's being upfront, which, in itself, is admirable. I've lost count of the number of men who lie about being single until they trip themselves up, or have to come clean."
Have these very few ever questioned anything about you ever?   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Try being a female on Fab.
Everyone feels they have the right to question everything about me. Whether it's personal, rude, or downright nasty!
I know lots of men wouldn't have a problem meeting a married lady, but I still make a point of telling anyone I enter into a proper conversation with. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Nailing my colours to the flag pole here a bit but what's really the difference between an affair and swinging"
Assuming you have your partner's consent, swinging is what people who are hooked on the buzz of having sex with strangers do, whilst affairs is what people who are hooked on the buzz of falling in love/lust with strangers do.
If you don't have your partner's consent both are cheating |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Try being a female on Fab.
Everyone feels they have the right to question everything about me. Whether it's personal, rude, or downright nasty!
I know lots of men wouldn't have a problem meeting a married lady, but I still make a point of telling anyone I enter into a proper conversation with."
I imagine its mostly those questioning if you're genuine
And i imagine again its because you look pretty picture perfect 
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"To those very few to whom it is relevant, I've explained about my own marriage.
After doing so, not one has ever questioned my being here.
It's very easy to condemn the notion of infidelity. But on a case-by-case basis, it simply isn't a black and white issue.
The OP is very brave to post about it, as it's a pretty surefire way to be criticised and judged.
He's being upfront, which, in itself, is admirable. I've lost count of the number of men who lie about being single until they trip themselves up, or have to come clean."
Since I'm "dead" on this site anyway I might as well drive the final nail in my coffin myself.
Actually to me intimacy can be anything from sitting on a sofa holding hands watching tv or cuddling while one or both fall asleep, even just having dinner together chatting mundanely and yes, sex but not solely so, my drive for that is quite low. All of these as a passionate and emotional person I'm thoroughly missing because for many years we've being living almost as brother and sister or like having a live-in house keeper or to be fair maybe I'm just the paying lodger.
To be clear I'm not trying to justify myself here on this post and certainly I'm not looking for a fb or fwb from Fab either.
I'm an oxymoron obviously but just wanted to be honest and open.
Thank you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"To those very few to whom it is relevant, I've explained about my own marriage.
After doing so, not one has ever questioned my being here.
It's very easy to condemn the notion of infidelity. But on a case-by-case basis, it simply isn't a black and white issue.
The OP is very brave to post about it, as it's a pretty surefire way to be criticised and judged.
He's being upfront, which, in itself, is admirable. I've lost count of the number of men who lie about being single until they trip themselves up, or have to come clean.
Since I'm "dead" on this site anyway I might as well drive the final nail in my coffin myself.
Actually to me intimacy can be anything from sitting on a sofa holding hands watching tv or cuddling while one or both fall asleep, even just having dinner together chatting mundanely and yes, sex but not solely so, my drive for that is quite low. All of these as a passionate and emotional person I'm thoroughly missing because for many years we've being living almost as brother and sister or like having a live-in house keeper or to be fair maybe I'm just the paying lodger.
To be clear I'm not trying to justify myself here on this post and certainly I'm not looking for a fb or fwb from Fab either.
I'm an oxymoron obviously but just wanted to be honest and open.
Thank you."
Your not dead here mate. You've started a thread which has had more honesty then most on here.
For everyone who has a dig there is another who has empathy for you
Also you have described what my marriage was in this post....so I have nothing but respect for your openness....don't beat yourself up mate |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"To those very few to whom it is relevant, I've explained about my own marriage.
After doing so, not one has ever questioned my being here.
It's very easy to condemn the notion of infidelity. But on a case-by-case basis, it simply isn't a black and white issue.
The OP is very brave to post about it, as it's a pretty surefire way to be criticised and judged.
He's being upfront, which, in itself, is admirable. I've lost count of the number of men who lie about being single until they trip themselves up, or have to come clean.
Since I'm "dead" on this site anyway I might as well drive the final nail in my coffin myself.
Actually to me intimacy can be anything from sitting on a sofa holding hands watching tv or cuddling while one or both fall asleep, even just having dinner together chatting mundanely and yes, sex but not solely so, my drive for that is quite low. All of these as a passionate and emotional person I'm thoroughly missing because for many years we've being living almost as brother and sister or like having a live-in house keeper or to be fair maybe I'm just the paying lodger.
To be clear I'm not trying to justify myself here on this post and certainly I'm not looking for a fb or fwb from Fab either.
I'm an oxymoron obviously but just wanted to be honest and open.
Thank you.
Your not dead here mate. You've started a thread which has had more honesty then most on here.
For everyone who has a dig there is another who has empathy for you
Also you have described what my marriage was in this post....so I have nothing but respect for your openness....don't beat yourself up mate "
Thank you, what I'm looking for on here is stressful enough for me without also trying to maintain the pretence of being single. So, I took the decision to come completely "clean" even though my profile was always honest and told my story.
Got mixed feelings about what I've done though as two previous "friends" have now blocked me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Unless you know why your 'friends' blocked you, don't speculate on it being you being married"
Be it he started this thread and got blocked by two friends.....unless they have told him otherwise I would have thought 2 + 2 = 4.
But these so called friends will no doubt read this thread and maybe they could say otherwise. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"To those very few to whom it is relevant, I've explained about my own marriage.
After doing so, not one has ever questioned my being here.
It's very easy to condemn the notion of infidelity. But on a case-by-case basis, it simply isn't a black and white issue.
The OP is very brave to post about it, as it's a pretty surefire way to be criticised and judged.
He's being upfront, which, in itself, is admirable. I've lost count of the number of men who lie about being single until they trip themselves up, or have to come clean.
Since I'm "dead" on this site anyway I might as well drive the final nail in my coffin myself.
Actually to me intimacy can be anything from sitting on a sofa holding hands watching tv or cuddling while one or both fall asleep, even just having dinner together chatting mundanely and yes, sex but not solely so, my drive for that is quite low. All of these as a passionate and emotional person I'm thoroughly missing because for many years we've being living almost as brother and sister or like having a live-in house keeper or to be fair maybe I'm just the paying lodger.
To be clear I'm not trying to justify myself here on this post and certainly I'm not looking for a fb or fwb from Fab either.
I'm an oxymoron obviously but just wanted to be honest and open.
Thank you."
Do you love your wife still?
I'm only asking because I had an affair because I didn't love my husband but stayed because we had a child. I didn't plan on having an affair, it just happened and at the time it made me see what was missing from my marriage.
|
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By *ucy. AlCouple
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
"Swinging is cheating, or at least is adultery. What is the difference? It is just that some "swingers" perceive swinging to be different to adultery, but that is nonsense really."
Swinging for us is trust and consent, we don't base our marriage on sex but enjoy it in the many forms it takes, and so are happy to share the love because our marriage is built on honesty and trust and understanding the wants of the other. Cheating is just selfishness deception and lies seeking fun for yourself with no understanding of each other. |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"Unless you know why your 'friends' blocked you, don't speculate on it being you being married
Be it he started this thread and got blocked by two friends.....unless they have told him otherwise I would have thought 2 + 2 = 4.
But these so called friends will no doubt read this thread and maybe they could say otherwise."
Or maybe not as they are allowed to block who they like without justifying it
I have removed posts that abused the people who have blocked the OP. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I don't think any objective argument can't differentiate between swinging and 'cheating'.
As for the intimacy question, all human beings deep down seek it in some form or another.
Like every other married thread on here, the OP generally opens themselves up to some quite often vitriolic abuse.
Some are here because they're missing just that, and the experience may be their path back to normality albeit a bizzare path in manys eyes.
I do think it's sad that a lot...just like the OP are actually quite dismayed in life with their position. Understanding will go a long way to healing what can be a very painful situation. And that's for all involved.
Live and let be. |
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"To those very few to whom it is relevant, I've explained about my own marriage.
After doing so, not one has ever questioned my being here.
It's very easy to condemn the notion of infidelity. But on a case-by-case basis, it simply isn't a black and white issue.
The OP is very brave to post about it, as it's a pretty surefire way to be criticised and judged.
He's being upfront, which, in itself, is admirable. I've lost count of the number of men who lie about being single until they trip themselves up, or have to come clean.
Since I'm "dead" on this site anyway I might as well drive the final nail in my coffin myself.
Actually to me intimacy can be anything from sitting on a sofa holding hands watching tv or cuddling while one or both fall asleep, even just having dinner together chatting mundanely and yes, sex but not solely so, my drive for that is quite low. All of these as a passionate and emotional person I'm thoroughly missing because for many years we've being living almost as brother and sister or like having a live-in house keeper or to be fair maybe I'm just the paying lodger.
To be clear I'm not trying to justify myself here on this post and certainly I'm not looking for a fb or fwb from Fab either.
I'm an oxymoron obviously but just wanted to be honest and open.
Thank you."
If it helps Doc, I have massive similarities and crossovers to your situation. I likened my missus to a sister only recently on here. I gave it my best but when I realised it will never be what it was I've decided to take my sex life back after all she hadn't used it for 3.5 years and very little since my son was born 20 years ago.
I totally think that loss of the lesser sexual aspects such as a kiss goodbye or good night or just a hug or to sit together is the more damaging. I don't even get a kiss on messages these days ffs.
It's sad to think what has happened especially as I am approaching 30 years married this year but I am sure there are many suffering the same situation and staying put for similar reasons as myself.
Never feel alone because you are not. |
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