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Question for the married/ attached people
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Question for married/ attached people on here without their partner's knowledge.
When you met your partner did you have great sex and it dwindled over time or was it always 'lights off' sex once a month right from when you first met?
Trying to understand why someone that loves adventurous sex would continue a relationship with someone, when after the first few times they had sex they realised they weren't compatible (e.g. pitch black quickies). |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
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i'm not married and did settle for shit sex once. my first proper boyfriend was rubbish in bed. but i was a teen and very enthusiastic about sex. me on top all the time, me giving oral and not him giving me any.
actually me being enthusiastic about sex has led to a lot of shit sex now i think about it...
i cheated on him more than once. don't think i actually loved him, but did accept him for wo he was, and i was just grateful he took me away from my shit hometown, shit family, and looked after me emotionally. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Mmm I think everyone has different reason for being on here, I miss the chase,,the excitement, being wanted, meeting new people and I get people say just leave then but it never easy to walk away! I understand I'm not going to be for everyone but it was it is at the moment
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm curious as to why this is a question only posed to cheaters? Does 'dwindling sex' not happen elsewhere too?
Did the same happen to swinging couples as well? Is this why they ended up swinging?
While we're at it, are all swingers in it 100% together? Are some doing it just to keep the other partner happy? 
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"I'm curious as to why this is a question only posed to cheaters? Does 'dwindling sex' not happen elsewhere too?
Did the same happen to swinging couples as well? Is this why they ended up swinging?
While we're at it, are all swingers in it 100% together? Are some doing it just to keep the other partner happy?
"
Glad you're in good health again  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm curious as to why this is a question only posed to cheaters? Does 'dwindling sex' not happen elsewhere too?
Did the same happen to swinging couples as well? Is this why they ended up swinging?
While we're at it, are all swingers in it 100% together? Are some doing it just to keep the other partner happy?
"
This
And also, could the next person who starts one of these threads, please start it from the point of knowledge that we as people are not all the same, and not all relationships are the same |
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The relationship wasn't just about sex and therefore it wasn't an issue. There are always compromises in relationships at the time mediocre sex was it. Unfortunately the sex became less and less and my sex drive got greater. Other things within the relationship deteriorated as a result until what we once had was unrecognisable. At this point I moved into a separate room where I still am and obviously no sex. We are both here for the children (this is not open for debate here pm if you want further clarification) until the time comes when that is untenable. I miss and need intimacy and affection. So here I am  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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With me when I started going out with my now wife I was promised crazy, hanging from the ceiling, adventurous sex.
And whilst it was continually promised it never materialised,( too tired, or not in the mood), by the time I realised that this adventurous sex life would never happen we'd had a kid, I adore our child and will not give up on them.
In hindsight I genuinely believe that she strung me along to get pregnant. Sex is now very occasional and very vanilla. She tells me to 'crack on and get it done' (her literal words) and I've given up on trying to make it special/about her. It depresses me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Why on earth people feel the need to explain themselves to a forum of complete and total strangers who generally speaking are severely judgmental (at best) is beyond me...
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why on earth people feel the need to explain themselves to a forum of complete and total strangers who generally speaking are severely judgmental (at best) is beyond me...
"
Because I'm not going to explain this to any one I know (as they know my wife)
And the anonymity is cathartic |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The relationship wasn't just about sex and therefore it wasn't an issue. There are always compromises in relationships at the time mediocre sex was it. Unfortunately the sex became less and less and my sex drive got greater. Other things within the relationship deteriorated as a result until what we once had was unrecognisable. At this point I moved into a separate room where I still am and obviously no sex. We are both here for the children (this is not open for debate here pm if you want further clarification) until the time comes when that is untenable. I miss and need intimacy and affection. So here I am "
Thank you. It was a genuine question, I'm certainly not here to look down on anyone and I'm not asking for reasons why people are on here now. This is a question about the start of relationships. x |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
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"Why on earth people feel the need to explain themselves to a forum of complete and total strangers who generally speaking are severely judgmental (at best) is beyond me...
"
i like helping people who reach out for answers. don't really care about being judged. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"With me when I started going out with my now wife I was promised crazy, hanging from the ceiling, adventurous sex.
And whilst it was continually promised it never materialised,( too tired, or not in the mood), by the time I realised that this adventurous sex life would never happen we'd had a kid, I adore our child and will not give up on them.
In hindsight I genuinely believe that she strung me along to get pregnant. Sex is now very occasional and very vanilla. She tells me to 'crack on and get it done' (her literal words) and I've given up on trying to make it special/about her. It depresses me. "
That's interesting, thank you.
Hope talking about it made you feel some relief.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why on earth people feel the need to explain themselves to a forum of complete and total strangers who generally speaking are severely judgmental (at best) is beyond me...
"
name change? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sometimes I wonder if some people who cheat see themselves as polygamous rather than monogamous - especially on here - but they just aren't with a compatible poly partner?
This isn't a dig at all, just a bit of curiosity. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why on earth people feel the need to explain themselves to a forum of complete and total strangers who generally speaking are severely judgmental (at best) is beyond me...
name change? "
Aye mate  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why on earth people feel the need to explain themselves to a forum of complete and total strangers who generally speaking are severely judgmental (at best) is beyond me...
name change?
Aye mate "
it's very cool |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why on earth people feel the need to explain themselves to a forum of complete and total strangers who generally speaking are severely judgmental (at best) is beyond me...
name change?
Aye mate
it's very cool "
Cheers dude. |
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"Why on earth people feel the need to explain themselves to a forum of complete and total strangers who generally speaking are severely judgmental (at best) is beyond me...
"
Yet here you are, complaining about people who are answering a question |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why on earth people feel the need to explain themselves to a forum of complete and total strangers who generally speaking are severely judgmental (at best) is beyond me...
Yet here you are, complaining about people who are answering a question "
lol wat? |
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"The relationship wasn't just about sex and therefore it wasn't an issue. There are always compromises in relationships at the time mediocre sex was it. Unfortunately the sex became less and less and my sex drive got greater. Other things within the relationship deteriorated as a result until what we once had was unrecognisable. At this point I moved into a separate room where I still am and obviously no sex. We are both here for the children (this is not open for debate here pm if you want further clarification) until the time comes when that is untenable. I miss and need intimacy and affection. So here I am "
Almost exactly this. I waited and hoped things would change but they didn't.
I even put a shit load of weight on cos I had heard it would reduce my labido and ended up getting diabetes from it. I lost 6 stone plus and took control of the diabetes and still nothing. I don't so much as get a kiss on a text these days but I realised enough is enough and it will never change.
I won't leave her cos I won't give my lad an excuse to bin University and use me as an excuse. |
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"Why on earth people feel the need to explain themselves to a forum of complete and total strangers who generally speaking are severely judgmental (at best) is beyond me...
"
I'm sat reading this thread, shaking my head, thinking the exact thing!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Im not married / attatched but I was in a relationship where our sex life was mediocre at its best 
We had affection and companionship - but I couldn't go on anymore feeling like I wasn't desirable.
We split because of it.
People that cheat are really defensive - I get it I really do.
I miss being with someone - but whats the point of a fake relationship.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why on earth people feel the need to explain themselves to a forum of complete and total strangers who generally speaking are severely judgmental (at best) is beyond me...
"
Out of all of the answers on here, yours is the one that I find most pointless, personally... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Im not married / attatched but I was in a relationship where our sex life was mediocre at its best
We had affection and companionship - but I couldn't go on anymore feeling like I wasn't desirable.
We split because of it.
People that cheat are really defensive - I get it I really do.
I miss being with someone - but whats the point of a fake relationship.
"
This was exactly the same for me too! I ended it because I couldn't carry on. However, I get that it's not easy to do especially with a mortgage and children. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My hubby and I had ok sex. I was faithful for 15 years. Over the years our sex life was nothing more than 2 minutes of doggy once a month. I cried to him, asked why he would barely touch me. 'There's nothing wrong, you're paranoid' was always the response.
Four years ago I joined a fishy site. I cheated, and it felt amazing. The sex was great, I received oral for the first time in years. My stomach flipped for weeks, part guilt, part excitement. I knew I needed more of it..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Im not married / attatched but I was in a relationship where our sex life was mediocre at its best
We had affection and companionship - but I couldn't go on anymore feeling like I wasn't desirable.
We split because of it.
People that cheat are really defensive - I get it I really do.
I miss being with someone - but whats the point of a fake relationship.
This was exactly the same for me too! I ended it because I couldn't carry on. However, I get that it's not easy to do especially with a mortgage and children. "
Its definitely not easy!
But living with lies doesn't give me a thrill - it gives me anxiety.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Im not married / attatched but I was in a relationship where our sex life was mediocre at its best
We had affection and companionship - but I couldn't go on anymore feeling like I wasn't desirable.
We split because of it.
People that cheat are really defensive - I get it I really do.
I miss being with someone - but whats the point of a fake relationship.
This was exactly the same for me too! I ended it because I couldn't carry on. However, I get that it's not easy to do especially with a mortgage and children.
Its definitely not easy!
But living with lies doesn't give me a thrill - it gives me anxiety.
"
Yep! I couldn't do the whole lying thing. I think it'd eat away at me. I'd rather be single! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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But I'm not asking why people stay or leave or cheat.
I just wanted to know why people start a relationship with someone that they aren't compatible with.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But I'm not asking why people stay or leave or cheat.
I just wanted to know why people start a relationship with someone that they aren't compatible with. "
You could say that about many relationships though as in, I have ex's so in the end they didn't work. Doesn't mean we weren't sexually compatiable at the start, or even at the end. But the relationships still ended.
On the converse some people can be great sex but not great relationship material. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But I'm not asking why people stay or leave or cheat.
I just wanted to know why people start a relationship with someone that they aren't compatible with. "
I think mainly people start a relationship with someone because they think they're compatible. It's usually as time wears on that you begin to realise you're not so right for each other. Usually, by this time, there are other factors involved like children. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well at the start you are. Louder by the honeymoon period that just never lasts
I was with someone for 4 years who was very compatible with sexually and personality but he was an alcoholic so couldn't live like that
With hubby sex was and is good enough but not sure we are sexually compatible. Then it got less and less to the point where I was a year at one stage. I want to be wanted and desired
We are trying to improve situation but yes I cheated because of Marital problems in and out of bedroom |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When I met my ex I thought we were compatible. He certainly didn't start off as abusive. It was only as the years passed did the damage of his upbringing reveal itself. By then he'd wore me down until I had no confidence in myself. I don't know what made me snap and ask him to leave, maybe that his last girlfriend was just a bit older than our eldest son. I just know I was finally free. I stayed because I had children who because of their disabilities needed constant care and two parents and because I didn't think I deserved better. No easy answer to how or why I suppose x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But I'm not asking why people stay or leave or cheat.
I just wanted to know why people start a relationship with someone that they aren't compatible with. "
I didn't know we weren't sexually compatible when we started dating. I was 14!!!
I didn't start to find my "sexual self" until my late 30's.
Kids, home, love and companionship keep us together.
If I knew then, what I know now things would be completely different for me.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing  |
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In my case, I married for love and not sex. I loved her then and I still do now but it is evident that having had sex about 12-15 times in the 20 years after my son arrived and it having got to 3.5 years since I last had sex with her prior to starting on the scene that I simply couldn't wait any longer considering there has been nothing shown to me in as much as affection let alone sex and I've given it a good old go albeit resulting in failure.
Incidentally, I get on better with her since starting on the scene because sex with her isn't an issue for resentment anymore. I think most people go into a relationship expecting to work on things and mould their partners into a mutually compatible and satisfying person but it often doesn't work because people want what they want and don't want to change or yield.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"With me when I started going out with my now wife I was promised crazy, hanging from the ceiling, adventurous sex.
And whilst it was continually promised it never materialised,( too tired, or not in the mood), by the time I realised that this adventurous sex life would never happen we'd had a kid, I adore our child and will not give up on them.
In hindsight I genuinely believe that she strung me along to get pregnant. Sex is now very occasional and very vanilla. She tells me to 'crack on and get it done' (her literal words) and I've given up on trying to make it special/about her. It depresses me. "
I'm glad to see I'm not the only one in that boat don't get me wrong I love my wife to bits |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"But I'm not asking why people stay or leave or cheat.
I just wanted to know why people start a relationship with someone that they aren't compatible with. "
I am not sure thats always the case going by some of the answers.
If anyone went into marriage thinking they could change anything about the person and not just the sex life then I think that would be silly, but if you are in love with someone you don't think things will go pear shaped in any aspect of your relationship.
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"But I'm not asking why people stay or leave or cheat.
I just wanted to know why people start a relationship with someone that they aren't compatible with.
I didn't know we weren't sexually compatible when we started dating. I was 14!!!
I didn't start to find my "sexual self" until my late 30's.
Kids, home, love and companionship keep us together.
If I knew then, what I know now things would be completely different for me.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing "
This |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Im not married / attatched but I was in a relationship where our sex life was mediocre at its best
We had affection and companionship - but I couldn't go on anymore feeling like I wasn't desirable.
We split because of it.
People that cheat are really defensive - I get it I really do.
I miss being with someone - but whats the point of a fake relationship.
"
What she said ^ ^ ^ |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I know this response is going to get some stick but the ones cheating are just selfish there is no reason to cheat if things are bad in a relationship try fixing them or walk away. Not go out there get your fill of sex while the other is at home looking after things or out working to pay the bills. Has for children being involved your doing more damage to the children bringing them up in a false situation. Also 9 times out of 10 you get found out and then what will your children think. Wouldn't it be better for them to have 2 separate parents giving them attention and love instead of being in a house where there's lies and tension. Has for the couple wouldn't it be better to split where you both can do what you want and be happy. Again where the cheater uses the excuse that there partner isn't well again selfish you go out and get your kicks while they suffer at home wether it's a mental or physical illness just so you dont look a twat in the real world for leaving someone who needs you. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"...
I think most people go into a relationship expecting to work on things and mould their partners into a mutually compatible and satisfying person but it often doesn't work because people want what they want and don't want to change or yield.
"
I agree. Seems crazy though to start off wanting to change someone. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"But I'm not asking why people stay or leave or cheat.
I just wanted to know why people start a relationship with someone that they aren't compatible with.
I am not sure thats always the case going by some of the answers.
If anyone went into marriage thinking they could change anything about the person and not just the sex life then I think that would be silly, but if you are in love with someone you don't think things will go pear shaped in any aspect of your relationship.
"
I agree.
I'm wondering what language my OP was in. Very few people have understood my question. They seem to be answering something totally different. |
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"The relationship wasn't just about sex and therefore it wasn't an issue. There are always compromises in relationships at the time mediocre sex was it. Unfortunately the sex became less and less and my sex drive got greater. Other things within the relationship deteriorated as a result until what we once had was unrecognisable. At this point I moved into a separate room where I still am and obviously no sex. We are both here for the children (this is not open for debate here pm if you want further clarification) until the time comes when that is untenable. I miss and need intimacy and affection. So here I am "
Ditto, well described. She told me to 'do what I need too, but don't rub my face in it'. Not about to become an every other weekend Dad. I'm in my own room, children fully supported, relationship civil, but I am a giver of pleasure, not a taker of my own pleasure, and here works well.
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"But I'm not asking why people stay or leave or cheat.
I just wanted to know why people start a relationship with someone that they aren't compatible with.
I am not sure thats always the case going by some of the answers.
If anyone went into marriage thinking they could change anything about the person and not just the sex life then I think that would be silly, but if you are in love with someone you don't think things will go pear shaped in any aspect of your relationship.
I agree.
I'm wondering what language my OP was in. Very few people have understood my question. They seem to be answering something totally different. "
I am guessing you will be quoting all the posts that you thought missed your point.
I did understand it. I answered going by the comments of the people who say they cheat, that at the time of marriage sex wasn't an issue or they were promised more and thought it would happen. If you are in love with someone you believe what they say.
When I was young and unmarried it was frowned upon to have sex before marriage ( I know, a different era altogether ) so not many people would have known they were about to be incompatable regards sex. In my case I did have sex with my future hubby and although I thought it was OK it was probably because he was my first....but it got to be quality AFTER we were married as you get to know each other more. It could have easily gone a different way altogether.
I know of someone who had no sex for 14 years after he had two kids with his wife and only ever had sex to get those children. He had a normal sex life which was quite full before he was married.
Nothing in life is black and white, including why people decide to cheat
( Disclaimer...I am not a cheater or been cheated on so can say without bias )
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know this response is going to get some stick but the ones cheating are just selfish there is no reason to cheat if things are bad in a relationship try fixing them or walk away. Not go out there get your fill of sex while the other is at home looking after things or out working to pay the bills. Has for children being involved your doing more damage to the children bringing them up in a false situation. Also 9 times out of 10 you get found out and then what will your children think. Wouldn't it be better for them to have 2 separate parents giving them attention and love instead of being in a house where there's lies and tension. Has for the couple wouldn't it be better to split where you both can do what you want and be happy. Again where the cheater uses the excuse that there partner isn't well again selfish you go out and get your kicks while they suffer at home wether it's a mental or physical illness just so you dont look a twat in the real world for leaving someone who needs you. "
There is more to marriage than sex!! If I felt I needed more than just sex and my marriage was that bad, then I'd leave.
I'm not about to go into the ins and outs of my marriage on a public forum. It really is no body else's business. I'm open about what I do and if someone has an issue with it, they can pass me by.
Unless you are in the exact same position you really don't know how you would react. I never thought this was something I would be doing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I got into my relationship with my husband when I was a teenager. I had not much of a clue about sex, and that wasn't why we were together. The sex was just sex.
If I wanted a committed relationship now the sex and intimacy would be very important, but things change, and there's no guarantee that the sex will stay interesting or exciting or our libidos won't change.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know this response is going to get some stick but the ones cheating are just selfish there is no reason to cheat if things are bad in a relationship try fixing them or walk away. Not go out there get your fill of sex while the other is at home looking after things or out working to pay the bills. Has for children being involved your doing more damage to the children bringing them up in a false situation. Also 9 times out of 10 you get found out and then what will your children think. Wouldn't it be better for them to have 2 separate parents giving them attention and love instead of being in a house where there's lies and tension. Has for the couple wouldn't it be better to split where you both can do what you want and be happy. Again where the cheater uses the excuse that there partner isn't well again selfish you go out and get your kicks while they suffer at home wether it's a mental or physical illness just so you dont look a twat in the real world for leaving someone who needs you. "
This is a very blinkered, idealist view of a relationship and family unit. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I agree that there is much more to a relationship than sex.
And I went into my last relationship knowing that we weren't sexually compatible- but at the time I thought it was better than being alone.
I was wrong.
For me it was painful knowing that he didn't desire me.
I thought the easy (er) life would make me stay.
I was getting older and living alone and supporting myself is getting harder.
Financially and emotionally as I don't go out with friends as much anymore.
Being in a couple is just easier ...
I thought.
Nothing is as good as freedom and being around people of your choice and having sexual partners that desire you.
But maybe it's just me.
X
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know this response is going to get some stick but the ones cheating are just selfish there is no reason to cheat if things are bad in a relationship try fixing them or walk away. Not go out there get your fill of sex while the other is at home looking after things or out working to pay the bills. Has for children being involved your doing more damage to the children bringing them up in a false situation. Also 9 times out of 10 you get found out and then what will your children think. Wouldn't it be better for them to have 2 separate parents giving them attention and love instead of being in a house where there's lies and tension. Has for the couple wouldn't it be better to split where you both can do what you want and be happy. Again where the cheater uses the excuse that there partner isn't well again selfish you go out and get your kicks while they suffer at home wether it's a mental or physical illness just so you dont look a twat in the real world for leaving someone who needs you. "
Why don't you tell the person in the relationship who no longer wants sex to leave? If they're denying their partner a physical relationship which is important then they should leave because they're obviously not happy with their partner.
If they are selfish enough to think that just because they no longer want sex, then I don't think they can blame their partner looking for sex elsewhere. |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"I know this response is going to get some stick but the ones cheating are just selfish there is no reason to cheat if things are bad in a relationship try fixing them or walk away.
"
Does that advice run to the person who has decided not to have sex again? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know this response is going to get some stick but the ones cheating are just selfish there is no reason to cheat if things are bad in a relationship try fixing them or walk away. Not go out there get your fill of sex while the other is at home looking after things or out working to pay the bills. Has for children being involved your doing more damage to the children bringing them up in a false situation. Also 9 times out of 10 you get found out and then what will your children think. Wouldn't it be better for them to have 2 separate parents giving them attention and love instead of being in a house where there's lies and tension. Has for the couple wouldn't it be better to split where you both can do what you want and be happy. Again where the cheater uses the excuse that there partner isn't well again selfish you go out and get your kicks while they suffer at home wether it's a mental or physical illness just so you dont look a twat in the real world for leaving someone who needs you. "
That's not what the thread is even about ! And it's as not has |
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"...
I think most people go into a relationship expecting to work on things and mould their partners into a mutually compatible and satisfying person but it often doesn't work because people want what they want and don't want to change or yield.
I agree. Seems crazy though to start off wanting to change someone. "
It took seven years for me to realise that things had changed. I was happy with things til then and then things started to fizzle a bit. I stuck with it as I thought it would change back then after 10 years our boy came along. Since then things have got steady less and less and now dried up completely.
My decision to join the scene wasn't taken lightly but I had said to my missus years back 'Use it or lose it' and she doesn't want me and isn't interested in me physically so I've given it 34 years and I'm taking my sex life back while I still can.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know this response is going to get some stick but the ones cheating are just selfish there is no reason to cheat if things are bad in a relationship try fixing them or walk away. Not go out there get your fill of sex while the other is at home looking after things or out working to pay the bills. Has for children being involved your doing more damage to the children bringing them up in a false situation. Also 9 times out of 10 you get found out and then what will your children think. Wouldn't it be better for them to have 2 separate parents giving them attention and love instead of being in a house where there's lies and tension. Has for the couple wouldn't it be better to split where you both can do what you want and be happy. Again where the cheater uses the excuse that there partner isn't well again selfish you go out and get your kicks while they suffer at home wether it's a mental or physical illness just so you dont look a twat in the real world for leaving someone who needs you.
This is a very blinkered, idealist view of a relationship and family unit. "
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"Question for married/ attached people on here without their partner's knowledge.
When you met your partner did you have great sex and it dwindled over time or was it always 'lights off' sex once a month right from when you first met?
Trying to understand why someone that loves adventurous sex would continue a relationship with someone, when after the first few times they had sex they realised they weren't compatible (e.g. pitch black quickies). "
I would say it is nobodies business but their own. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sex was fine but is non existent now and has been for some time
The wider relationship and what it brings to my life is far deeper than just sex (although that is still important).
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know this response is going to get some stick but the ones cheating are just selfish there is no reason to cheat if things are bad in a relationship try fixing them or walk away.
Does that advice run to the person who has decided not to have sex again? "
Yes good question |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sex was fine but is non existent now and has been for some time
The wider relationship and what it brings to my life is far deeper than just sex (although that is still important).
"
Thank you x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why on earth people feel the need to explain themselves to a forum of complete and total strangers who generally speaking are severely judgmental (at best) is beyond me...
Out of all of the answers on here, yours is the one that I find most pointless, personally..."
I don't know you and have never met you but going from your responses to the OP's question I think I can guess why you had an issue with what I said, it wasn't a "pitchfork at the ready" type of response was it..hmmm.
And by the looks of it I wasn't far wrong was I. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know this response is going to get some stick but the ones cheating are just selfish there is no reason to cheat if things are bad in a relationship try fixing them or walk away. Not go out there get your fill of sex while the other is at home looking after things or out working to pay the bills. Has for children being involved your doing more damage to the children bringing them up in a false situation. Also 9 times out of 10 you get found out and then what will your children think. Wouldn't it be better for them to have 2 separate parents giving them attention and love instead of being in a house where there's lies and tension. Has for the couple wouldn't it be better to split where you both can do what you want and be happy. Again where the cheater uses the excuse that there partner isn't well again selfish you go out and get your kicks while they suffer at home wether it's a mental or physical illness just so you dont look a twat in the real world for leaving someone who needs you.
Why don't you tell the person in the relationship who no longer wants sex to leave? If they're denying their partner a physical relationship which is important then they should leave because they're obviously not happy with their partner.
If they are selfish enough to think that just because they no longer want sex, then I don't think they can blame their partner looking for sex elsewhere."
So to you a relationship is just sex. How about spending the time that you spend having sex with other people to work out why your partner doesn't want sex. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know this response is going to get some stick but the ones cheating are just selfish there is no reason to cheat if things are bad in a relationship try fixing them or walk away. Not go out there get your fill of sex while the other is at home looking after things or out working to pay the bills. Has for children being involved your doing more damage to the children bringing them up in a false situation. Also 9 times out of 10 you get found out and then what will your children think. Wouldn't it be better for them to have 2 separate parents giving them attention and love instead of being in a house where there's lies and tension. Has for the couple wouldn't it be better to split where you both can do what you want and be happy. Again where the cheater uses the excuse that there partner isn't well again selfish you go out and get your kicks while they suffer at home wether it's a mental or physical illness just so you dont look a twat in the real world for leaving someone who needs you.
There is more to marriage than sex!! If I felt I needed more than just sex and my marriage was that bad, then I'd leave.
I'm not about to go into the ins and outs of my marriage on a public forum. It really is no body else's business. I'm open about what I do and if someone has an issue with it, they can pass me by.
Unless you are in the exact same position you really don't know how you would react. I never thought this was something I would be doing. "
Yeah there is more to marriage like being honest and loving and respecting the person you married cheating is not respecting them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know this response is going to get some stick but the ones cheating are just selfish there is no reason to cheat if things are bad in a relationship try fixing them or walk away.
Does that advice run to the person who has decided not to have sex again?
Yes good question "
So all a relationship or marriage is... is sex then if for some reason your partner loses there sex drive they should end the marriage/ relationship. How about trying to help them and find out why. If not and the sex is so important to you then put your cards on the table. Lying and cheating is not the answer and I'm sure if it was the other way around with most of the cheaters then would feel the same. |
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"I know this response is going to get some stick but the ones cheating are just selfish there is no reason to cheat if things are bad in a relationship try fixing them or walk away. Not go out there get your fill of sex while the other is at home looking after things or out working to pay the bills. Has for children being involved your doing more damage to the children bringing them up in a false situation. Also 9 times out of 10 you get found out and then what will your children think. Wouldn't it be better for them to have 2 separate parents giving them attention and love instead of being in a house where there's lies and tension. Has for the couple wouldn't it be better to split where you both can do what you want and be happy. Again where the cheater uses the excuse that there partner isn't well again selfish you go out and get your kicks while they suffer at home wether it's a mental or physical illness just so you dont look a twat in the real world for leaving someone who needs you.
Why don't you tell the person in the relationship who no longer wants sex to leave? If they're denying their partner a physical relationship which is important then they should leave because they're obviously not happy with their partner.
If they are selfish enough to think that just because they no longer want sex, then I don't think they can blame their partner looking for sex elsewhere."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know this response is going to get some stick but the ones cheating are just selfish there is no reason to cheat if things are bad in a relationship try fixing them or walk away. Not go out there get your fill of sex while the other is at home looking after things or out working to pay the bills. Has for children being involved your doing more damage to the children bringing them up in a false situation. Also 9 times out of 10 you get found out and then what will your children think. Wouldn't it be better for them to have 2 separate parents giving them attention and love instead of being in a house where there's lies and tension. Has for the couple wouldn't it be better to split where you both can do what you want and be happy. Again where the cheater uses the excuse that there partner isn't well again selfish you go out and get your kicks while they suffer at home wether it's a mental or physical illness just so you dont look a twat in the real world for leaving someone who needs you.
There is more to marriage than sex!! If I felt I needed more than just sex and my marriage was that bad, then I'd leave.
I'm not about to go into the ins and outs of my marriage on a public forum. It really is no body else's business. I'm open about what I do and if someone has an issue with it, they can pass me by.
Unless you are in the exact same position you really don't know how you would react. I never thought this was something I would be doing.
Yeah there is more to marriage like being honest and loving and respecting the person you married cheating is not respecting them. "
As I said, ins and outs of MY marriage are my business and I don't intend to share them on a public forum!
It's always the same, jumping to conclusions.
I'm glad your life/relationship is so black and white. Long may it continue for you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know this response is going to get some stick but the ones cheating are just selfish there is no reason to cheat if things are bad in a relationship try fixing them or walk away. Not go out there get your fill of sex while the other is at home looking after things or out working to pay the bills. Has for children being involved your doing more damage to the children bringing them up in a false situation. Also 9 times out of 10 you get found out and then what will your children think. Wouldn't it be better for them to have 2 separate parents giving them attention and love instead of being in a house where there's lies and tension. Has for the couple wouldn't it be better to split where you both can do what you want and be happy. Again where the cheater uses the excuse that there partner isn't well again selfish you go out and get your kicks while they suffer at home wether it's a mental or physical illness just so you dont look a twat in the real world for leaving someone who needs you.
Why don't you tell the person in the relationship who no longer wants sex to leave? If they're denying their partner a physical relationship which is important then they should leave because they're obviously not happy with their partner.
If they are selfish enough to think that just because they no longer want sex, then I don't think they can blame their partner looking for sex elsewhere.
So to you a relationship is just sex. How about spending the time that you spend having sex with other people to work out why your partner doesn't want sex. "
I'm single by the way. I'm not in a relationship. Anyway, there are two people in a relationship, why is it the person being denied sex that has to do all the work? The other person should be conveying why they don't want sex to their partner, You're absolving them of all responsibility in the relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know this response is going to get some stick but the ones cheating are just selfish there is no reason to cheat if things are bad in a relationship try fixing them or walk away. Not go out there get your fill of sex while the other is at home looking after things or out working to pay the bills. Has for children being involved your doing more damage to the children bringing them up in a false situation. Also 9 times out of 10 you get found out and then what will your children think. Wouldn't it be better for them to have 2 separate parents giving them attention and love instead of being in a house where there's lies and tension. Has for the couple wouldn't it be better to split where you both can do what you want and be happy. Again where the cheater uses the excuse that there partner isn't well again selfish you go out and get your kicks while they suffer at home wether it's a mental or physical illness just so you dont look a twat in the real world for leaving someone who needs you.
There is more to marriage than sex!! If I felt I needed more than just sex and my marriage was that bad, then I'd leave.
I'm not about to go into the ins and outs of my marriage on a public forum. It really is no body else's business. I'm open about what I do and if someone has an issue with it, they can pass me by.
Unless you are in the exact same position you really don't know how you would react. I never thought this was something I would be doing.
Yeah there is more to marriage like being honest and loving and respecting the person you married cheating is not respecting them. "
Hey Judge Judy! How do you know someone hasn't spent years trying to get the other person to talk about the problems and they just refuse ? You don't ! You don't know anything about other people's relationships so until you know the ins and outs who are you to be judge jury and executioner |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why on earth people feel the need to explain themselves to a forum of complete and total strangers who generally speaking are severely judgmental (at best) is beyond me...
Out of all of the answers on here, yours is the one that I find most pointless, personally...
I don't know you and have never met you but going from your responses to the OP's question I think I can guess why you had an issue with what I said, it wasn't a "pitchfork at the ready" type of response was it..hmmm.
And by the looks of it I wasn't far wrong was I. "
If you mean it's because I'm cheating, you'd be incorrect. I'm single.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I'm honest, being in the situation that I'm in, someone else who was attached would be a far more appealing proposition for a medium or short term rendezvous |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know this response is going to get some stick but the ones cheating are just selfish there is no reason to cheat if things are bad in a relationship try fixing them or walk away. Not go out there get your fill of sex while the other is at home looking after things or out working to pay the bills. Has for children being involved your doing more damage to the children bringing them up in a false situation. Also 9 times out of 10 you get found out and then what will your children think. Wouldn't it be better for them to have 2 separate parents giving them attention and love instead of being in a house where there's lies and tension. Has for the couple wouldn't it be better to split where you both can do what you want and be happy. Again where the cheater uses the excuse that there partner isn't well again selfish you go out and get your kicks while they suffer at home wether it's a mental or physical illness just so you dont look a twat in the real world for leaving someone who needs you.
There is more to marriage than sex!! If I felt I needed more than just sex and my marriage was that bad, then I'd leave.
I'm not about to go into the ins and outs of my marriage on a public forum. It really is no body else's business. I'm open about what I do and if someone has an issue with it, they can pass me by.
Unless you are in the exact same position you really don't know how you would react. I never thought this was something I would be doing.
Yeah there is more to marriage like being honest and loving and respecting the person you married cheating is not respecting them.
Hey Judge Judy! How do you know someone hasn't spent years trying to get the other person to talk about the problems and they just refuse ? You don't ! You don't know anything about other people's relationships so until you know the ins and outs who are you to be judge jury and executioner "
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"I know this response is going to get some stick but the ones cheating are just selfish there is no reason to cheat if things are bad in a relationship try fixing them or walk away.
Does that advice run to the person who has decided not to have sex again?
Yes good question
So all a relationship or marriage is... is sex . "
If sex is important to someone then it will be missing from their relationship.
I am not saying anyone HAS to have sex if they don't want to, but that person has to realise the other person has needs even if they don't |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I spent years talking to my husband about why I didn't want sex with him. It made no difference. He did nothing to inspire me to feel differently.
If works both ways. As most things do. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know this response is going to get some stick but the ones cheating are just selfish there is no reason to cheat if things are bad in a relationship try fixing them or walk away. Not go out there get your fill of sex while the other is at home looking after things or out working to pay the bills. Has for children being involved your doing more damage to the children bringing them up in a false situation. Also 9 times out of 10 you get found out and then what will your children think. Wouldn't it be better for them to have 2 separate parents giving them attention and love instead of being in a house where there's lies and tension. Has for the couple wouldn't it be better to split where you both can do what you want and be happy. Again where the cheater uses the excuse that there partner isn't well again selfish you go out and get your kicks while they suffer at home wether it's a mental or physical illness just so you dont look a twat in the real world for leaving someone who needs you.
There is more to marriage than sex!! If I felt I needed more than just sex and my marriage was that bad, then I'd leave.
I'm not about to go into the ins and outs of my marriage on a public forum. It really is no body else's business. I'm open about what I do and if someone has an issue with it, they can pass me by.
Unless you are in the exact same position you really don't know how you would react. I never thought this was something I would be doing.
Yeah there is more to marriage like being honest and loving and respecting the person you married cheating is not respecting them.
Hey Judge Judy! How do you know someone hasn't spent years trying to get the other person to talk about the problems and they just refuse ? You don't ! You don't know anything about other people's relationships so until you know the ins and outs who are you to be judge jury and executioner
"
I do know and I know there is no excuse for cheating and also know first hand the upset and trouble it brings to everyone involved when the truth comes out. 2 wrongs do not make a right if someone refuses to face the problem then the other should be the better or stronger person and do things properly. It's my view and like I said I've been involved in the situation and it's something I feel strongly about. Wether people think I'm right or wrong. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know this response is going to get some stick but the ones cheating are just selfish there is no reason to cheat if things are bad in a relationship try fixing them or walk away. Not go out there get your fill of sex while the other is at home looking after things or out working to pay the bills. Has for children being involved your doing more damage to the children bringing them up in a false situation. Also 9 times out of 10 you get found out and then what will your children think. Wouldn't it be better for them to have 2 separate parents giving them attention and love instead of being in a house where there's lies and tension. Has for the couple wouldn't it be better to split where you both can do what you want and be happy. Again where the cheater uses the excuse that there partner isn't well again selfish you go out and get your kicks while they suffer at home wether it's a mental or physical illness just so you dont look a twat in the real world for leaving someone who needs you.
There is more to marriage than sex!! If I felt I needed more than just sex and my marriage was that bad, then I'd leave.
I'm not about to go into the ins and outs of my marriage on a public forum. It really is no body else's business. I'm open about what I do and if someone has an issue with it, they can pass me by.
Unless you are in the exact same position you really don't know how you would react. I never thought this was something I would be doing.
Yeah there is more to marriage like being honest and loving and respecting the person you married cheating is not respecting them.
Hey Judge Judy! How do you know someone hasn't spent years trying to get the other person to talk about the problems and they just refuse ? You don't ! You don't know anything about other people's relationships so until you know the ins and outs who are you to be judge jury and executioner
I do know and I know there is no excuse for cheating and also know first hand the upset and trouble it brings to everyone involved when the truth comes out. 2 wrongs do not make a right if someone refuses to face the problem then the other should be the better or stronger person and do things properly. It's my view and like I said I've been involved in the situation and it's something I feel strongly about. Wether people think I'm right or wrong. "
You don't know as you aren't in that particular relationship . My previous marriage ended because he cheated but that doesn't mean I walk around assuming I know everyone else's situation |
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"I know this response is going to get some stick but the ones cheating are just selfish there is no reason to cheat if things are bad in a relationship try fixing them or walk away. Not go out there get your fill of sex while the other is at home looking after things or out working to pay the bills. Has for children being involved your doing more damage to the children bringing them up in a false situation. Also 9 times out of 10 you get found out and then what will your children think. Wouldn't it be better for them to have 2 separate parents giving them attention and love instead of being in a house where there's lies and tension. Has for the couple wouldn't it be better to split where you both can do what you want and be happy. Again where the cheater uses the excuse that there partner isn't well again selfish you go out and get your kicks while they suffer at home wether it's a mental or physical illness just so you dont look a twat in the real world for leaving someone who needs you.
There is more to marriage than sex!! If I felt I needed more than just sex and my marriage was that bad, then I'd leave.
I'm not about to go into the ins and outs of my marriage on a public forum. It really is no body else's business. I'm open about what I do and if someone has an issue with it, they can pass me by.
Unless you are in the exact same position you really don't know how you would react. I never thought this was something I would be doing.
Yeah there is more to marriage like being honest and loving and respecting the person you married cheating is not respecting them.
Hey Judge Judy! How do you know someone hasn't spent years trying to get the other person to talk about the problems and they just refuse ? You don't ! You don't know anything about other people's relationships so until you know the ins and outs who are you to be judge jury and executioner
I do know and I know there is no excuse for cheating and also know first hand the upset and trouble it brings to everyone involved when the truth comes out. 2 wrongs do not make a right if someone refuses to face the problem then the other should be the better or stronger person and do things properly. It's my view and like I said I've been involved in the situation and it's something I feel strongly about. Wether people think I'm right or wrong. "
Every situation is different. What may have been right (or wrong) in your case doesn't make it right or wrong in everyone else's case.
You may have been hurt, which is sad, but it's not the same for everyone and their circumstances.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I know individuals who are married and have agreed with their spouse to have sex with others, rather than have sex together, which the spouse has no interest in. Other than that it is a functioning arrangement.
Would you call that cheating?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know this response is going to get some stick but the ones cheating are just selfish there is no reason to cheat if things are bad in a relationship try fixing them or walk away. Not go out there get your fill of sex while the other is at home looking after things or out working to pay the bills. Has for children being involved your doing more damage to the children bringing them up in a false situation. Also 9 times out of 10 you get found out and then what will your children think. Wouldn't it be better for them to have 2 separate parents giving them attention and love instead of being in a house where there's lies and tension. Has for the couple wouldn't it be better to split where you both can do what you want and be happy. Again where the cheater uses the excuse that there partner isn't well again selfish you go out and get your kicks while they suffer at home wether it's a mental or physical illness just so you dont look a twat in the real world for leaving someone who needs you.
There is more to marriage than sex!! If I felt I needed more than just sex and my marriage was that bad, then I'd leave.
I'm not about to go into the ins and outs of my marriage on a public forum. It really is no body else's business. I'm open about what I do and if someone has an issue with it, they can pass me by.
Unless you are in the exact same position you really don't know how you would react. I never thought this was something I would be doing.
Yeah there is more to marriage like being honest and loving and respecting the person you married cheating is not respecting them.
Hey Judge Judy! How do you know someone hasn't spent years trying to get the other person to talk about the problems and they just refuse ? You don't ! You don't know anything about other people's relationships so until you know the ins and outs who are you to be judge jury and executioner
I do know and I know there is no excuse for cheating and also know first hand the upset and trouble it brings to everyone involved when the truth comes out. 2 wrongs do not make a right if someone refuses to face the problem then the other should be the better or stronger person and do things properly. It's my view and like I said I've been involved in the situation and it's something I feel strongly about. Wether people think I'm right or wrong.
Every situation is different. What may have been right (or wrong) in your case doesn't make it right or wrong in everyone else's case.
You may have been hurt, which is sad, but it's not the same for everyone and their circumstances.
"
If someone is cheating then there's a great risk of someone getting hurt so the circumstances are the same in every case or it wouldn't be cheating and honesty is always the best way in the end saves anyone getting hurt. If you genuinely love the person why would you go behind there back and risk destroying them. Also like I asked before how would you feel if you were cheated on or if you had children and new there partner was cheating on them I'm sure none of you would like it one bit. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know this response is going to get some stick but the ones cheating are just selfish there is no reason to cheat if things are bad in a relationship try fixing them or walk away. Not go out there get your fill of sex while the other is at home looking after things or out working to pay the bills. Has for children being involved your doing more damage to the children bringing them up in a false situation. Also 9 times out of 10 you get found out and then what will your children think. Wouldn't it be better for them to have 2 separate parents giving them attention and love instead of being in a house where there's lies and tension. Has for the couple wouldn't it be better to split where you both can do what you want and be happy. Again where the cheater uses the excuse that there partner isn't well again selfish you go out and get your kicks while they suffer at home wether it's a mental or physical illness just so you dont look a twat in the real world for leaving someone who needs you.
There is more to marriage than sex!! If I felt I needed more than just sex and my marriage was that bad, then I'd leave.
I'm not about to go into the ins and outs of my marriage on a public forum. It really is no body else's business. I'm open about what I do and if someone has an issue with it, they can pass me by.
Unless you are in the exact same position you really don't know how you would react. I never thought this was something I would be doing.
Yeah there is more to marriage like being honest and loving and respecting the person you married cheating is not respecting them.
Hey Judge Judy! How do you know someone hasn't spent years trying to get the other person to talk about the problems and they just refuse ? You don't ! You don't know anything about other people's relationships so until you know the ins and outs who are you to be judge jury and executioner
I do know and I know there is no excuse for cheating and also know first hand the upset and trouble it brings to everyone involved when the truth comes out. 2 wrongs do not make a right if someone refuses to face the problem then the other should be the better or stronger person and do things properly. It's my view and like I said I've been involved in the situation and it's something I feel strongly about. Wether people think I'm right or wrong.
Every situation is different. What may have been right (or wrong) in your case doesn't make it right or wrong in everyone else's case.
You may have been hurt, which is sad, but it's not the same for everyone and their circumstances.
If someone is cheating then there's a great risk of someone getting hurt so the circumstances are the same in every case or it wouldn't be cheating and honesty is always the best way in the end saves anyone getting hurt. If you genuinely love the person why would you go behind there back and risk destroying them. Also like I asked before how would you feel if you were cheated on or if you had children and new there partner was cheating on them I'm sure none of you would like it one bit. "
I didnt love my ex towards the end of my marriage to him. He didnt love me either so i wasnt bothered about hurting him cus he had been hurting me for years. He belittled me, shattered my self esteem, was emotionally abusive to me. However i had no idea how to get out of such a crap relationship because we had children, a mortgage and a car loan together and he used to belittle me so much that he made me think i wouldnt be able to cope alone. There was all that to deal with plus him telling me i was a slut for wanting sex !
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I know this response is going to get some stick but the ones cheating are just selfish there is no reason to cheat if things are bad in a relationship try fixing them or walk away. Not go out there get your fill of sex while the other is at home looking after things or out working to pay the bills. Has for children being involved your doing more damage to the children bringing them up in a false situation. Also 9 times out of 10 you get found out and then what will your children think. Wouldn't it be better for them to have 2 separate parents giving them attention and love instead of being in a house where there's lies and tension. Has for the couple wouldn't it be better to split where you both can do what you want and be happy. Again where the cheater uses the excuse that there partner isn't well again selfish you go out and get your kicks while they suffer at home wether it's a mental or physical illness just so you dont look a twat in the real world for leaving someone who needs you.
There is more to marriage than sex!! If I felt I needed more than just sex and my marriage was that bad, then I'd leave.
I'm not about to go into the ins and outs of my marriage on a public forum. It really is no body else's business. I'm open about what I do and if someone has an issue with it, they can pass me by.
Unless you are in the exact same position you really don't know how you would react. I never thought this was something I would be doing.
Yeah there is more to marriage like being honest and loving and respecting the person you married cheating is not respecting them.
Hey Judge Judy! How do you know someone hasn't spent years trying to get the other person to talk about the problems and they just refuse ? You don't ! You don't know anything about other people's relationships so until you know the ins and outs who are you to be judge jury and executioner
I do know and I know there is no excuse for cheating and also know first hand the upset and trouble it brings to everyone involved when the truth comes out. 2 wrongs do not make a right if someone refuses to face the problem then the other should be the better or stronger person and do things properly. It's my view and like I said I've been involved in the situation and it's something I feel strongly about. Wether people think I'm right or wrong.
Every situation is different. What may have been right (or wrong) in your case doesn't make it right or wrong in everyone else's case.
You may have been hurt, which is sad, but it's not the same for everyone and their circumstances.
If someone is cheating then there's a great risk of someone getting hurt so the circumstances are the same in every case or it wouldn't be cheating and honesty is always the best way in the end saves anyone getting hurt. If you genuinely love the person why would you go behind there back and risk destroying them. Also like I asked before how would you feel if you were cheated on or if you had children and new there partner was cheating on them I'm sure none of you would like it one bit.
I didnt love my ex towards the end of my marriage to him. He didnt love me either so i wasnt bothered about hurting him cus he had been hurting me for years. He belittled me, shattered my self esteem, was emotionally abusive to me. However i had no idea how to get out of such a crap relationship because we had children, a mortgage and a car loan together and he used to belittle me so much that he made me think i wouldnt be able to cope alone. There was all that to deal with plus him telling me i was a slut for wanting sex !
"
I'm glad you're out of it. He was a shit to you. |
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"I spent years talking to my husband about why I didn't want sex with him. It made no difference. He did nothing to inspire me to feel differently.
If works both ways. As most things do. "
Yup. There are only so many times you can be willing to fix the problem yourself, make the effort etc and then you wonder why you bother half the time when they can't and so you just give up. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I know this response is going to get some stick but the ones cheating are just selfish there is no reason to cheat if things are bad in a relationship try fixing them or walk away. Not go out there get your fill of sex while the other is at home looking after things or out working to pay the bills. Has for children being involved your doing more damage to the children bringing them up in a false situation. Also 9 times out of 10 you get found out and then what will your children think. Wouldn't it be better for them to have 2 separate parents giving them attention and love instead of being in a house where there's lies and tension. Has for the couple wouldn't it be better to split where you both can do what you want and be happy. Again where the cheater uses the excuse that there partner isn't well again selfish you go out and get your kicks while they suffer at home wether it's a mental or physical illness just so you dont look a twat in the real world for leaving someone who needs you.
There is more to marriage than sex!! If I felt I needed more than just sex and my marriage was that bad, then I'd leave.
I'm not about to go into the ins and outs of my marriage on a public forum. It really is no body else's business. I'm open about what I do and if someone has an issue with it, they can pass me by.
Unless you are in the exact same position you really don't know how you would react. I never thought this was something I would be doing.
Yeah there is more to marriage like being honest and loving and respecting the person you married cheating is not respecting them.
Hey Judge Judy! How do you know someone hasn't spent years trying to get the other person to talk about the problems and they just refuse ? You don't ! You don't know anything about other people's relationships so until you know the ins and outs who are you to be judge jury and executioner
I do know and I know there is no excuse for cheating and also know first hand the upset and trouble it brings to everyone involved when the truth comes out. 2 wrongs do not make a right if someone refuses to face the problem then the other should be the better or stronger person and do things properly. It's my view and like I said I've been involved in the situation and it's something I feel strongly about. Wether people think I'm right or wrong.
Every situation is different. What may have been right (or wrong) in your case doesn't make it right or wrong in everyone else's case.
You may have been hurt, which is sad, but it's not the same for everyone and their circumstances.
If someone is cheating then there's a great risk of someone getting hurt so the circumstances are the same in every case or it wouldn't be cheating and honesty is always the best way in the end saves anyone getting hurt. If you genuinely love the person why would you go behind there back and risk destroying them. Also like I asked before how would you feel if you were cheated on or if you had children and new there partner was cheating on them I'm sure none of you would like it one bit.
I didnt love my ex towards the end of my marriage to him. He didnt love me either so i wasnt bothered about hurting him cus he had been hurting me for years. He belittled me, shattered my self esteem, was emotionally abusive to me. However i had no idea how to get out of such a crap relationship because we had children, a mortgage and a car loan together and he used to belittle me so much that he made me think i wouldnt be able to cope alone. There was all that to deal with plus him telling me i was a slut for wanting sex !
I'm glad you're out of it. He was a shit to you. "
Yes. Thank you.
Luckily i have someone the complete opposite now. |
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"I know this response is going to get some stick but the ones cheating are just selfish there is no reason to cheat if things are bad in a relationship try fixing them or walk away. Not go out there get your fill of sex while the other is at home looking after things or out working to pay the bills. Has for children being involved your doing more damage to the children bringing them up in a false situation. Also 9 times out of 10 you get found out and then what will your children think. Wouldn't it be better for them to have 2 separate parents giving them attention and love instead of being in a house where there's lies and tension. Has for the couple wouldn't it be better to split where you both can do what you want and be happy. Again where the cheater uses the excuse that there partner isn't well again selfish you go out and get your kicks while they suffer at home wether it's a mental or physical illness just so you dont look a twat in the real world for leaving someone who needs you.
There is more to marriage than sex!! If I felt I needed more than just sex and my marriage was that bad, then I'd leave.
I'm not about to go into the ins and outs of my marriage on a public forum. It really is no body else's business. I'm open about what I do and if someone has an issue with it, they can pass me by.
Unless you are in the exact same position you really don't know how you would react. I never thought this was something I would be doing.
Yeah there is more to marriage like being honest and loving and respecting the person you married cheating is not respecting them.
Hey Judge Judy! How do you know someone hasn't spent years trying to get the other person to talk about the problems and they just refuse ? You don't ! You don't know anything about other people's relationships so until you know the ins and outs who are you to be judge jury and executioner
I do know and I know there is no excuse for cheating and also know first hand the upset and trouble it brings to everyone involved when the truth comes out. 2 wrongs do not make a right if someone refuses to face the problem then the other should be the better or stronger person and do things properly. It's my view and like I said I've been involved in the situation and it's something I feel strongly about. Wether people think I'm right or wrong.
Every situation is different. What may have been right (or wrong) in your case doesn't make it right or wrong in everyone else's case.
You may have been hurt, which is sad, but it's not the same for everyone and their circumstances.
If someone is cheating then there's a great risk of someone getting hurt so the circumstances are the same in every case or it wouldn't be cheating and honesty is always the best way in the end saves anyone getting hurt. If you genuinely love the person why would you go behind there back and risk destroying them. Also like I asked before how would you feel if you were cheated on or if you had children and new there partner was cheating on them I'm sure none of you would like it one bit.
I didnt love my ex towards the end of my marriage to him. He didnt love me either so i wasnt bothered about hurting him cus he had been hurting me for years. He belittled me, shattered my self esteem, was emotionally abusive to me. However i had no idea how to get out of such a crap relationship because we had children, a mortgage and a car loan together and he used to belittle me so much that he made me think i wouldnt be able to cope alone. There was all that to deal with plus him telling me i was a slut for wanting sex !
"
|
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"I know this response is going to get some stick but the ones cheating are just selfish there is no reason to cheat if things are bad in a relationship try fixing them or walk away. Not go out there get your fill of sex while the other is at home looking after things or out working to pay the bills. Has for children being involved your doing more damage to the children bringing them up in a false situation. Also 9 times out of 10 you get found out and then what will your children think. Wouldn't it be better for them to have 2 separate parents giving them attention and love instead of being in a house where there's lies and tension. Has for the couple wouldn't it be better to split where you both can do what you want and be happy. Again where the cheater uses the excuse that there partner isn't well again selfish you go out and get your kicks while they suffer at home wether it's a mental or physical illness just so you dont look a twat in the real world for leaving someone who needs you.
There is more to marriage than sex!! If I felt I needed more than just sex and my marriage was that bad, then I'd leave.
I'm not about to go into the ins and outs of my marriage on a public forum. It really is no body else's business. I'm open about what I do and if someone has an issue with it, they can pass me by.
Unless you are in the exact same position you really don't know how you would react. I never thought this was something I would be doing.
Yeah there is more to marriage like being honest and loving and respecting the person you married cheating is not respecting them.
Hey Judge Judy! How do you know someone hasn't spent years trying to get the other person to talk about the problems and they just refuse ? You don't ! You don't know anything about other people's relationships so until you know the ins and outs who are you to be judge jury and executioner
I do know and I know there is no excuse for cheating and also know first hand the upset and trouble it brings to everyone involved when the truth comes out. 2 wrongs do not make a right if someone refuses to face the problem then the other should be the better or stronger person and do things properly. It's my view and like I said I've been involved in the situation and it's something I feel strongly about. Wether people think I'm right or wrong.
Every situation is different. What may have been right (or wrong) in your case doesn't make it right or wrong in everyone else's case.
You may have been hurt, which is sad, but it's not the same for everyone and their circumstances.
If someone is cheating then there's a great risk of someone getting hurt so the circumstances are the same in every case or it wouldn't be cheating and honesty is always the best way in the end saves anyone getting hurt. If you genuinely love the person why would you go behind there back and risk destroying them. Also like I asked before how would you feel if you were cheated on or if you had children and new there partner was cheating on them I'm sure none of you would like it one bit. "
You are wrong. I'm sad for what happened to you but you are simply assuming that what happened in your case and the decisions you made happen for everyone and it's not true.
I have a better relationship with my missus now since starting the scene because it has taken my frustration and resentment away. I personally do not feel like I am cheating as I am not emotionally attached to the people I have played with so far and as my wife was told to 'use it or lose it' and had not touched me for 3.5 years I am reclaiming my sex life that she doesn't want anyway.
She may not know the detail but she knows that I am much happier and not resentful of her abstinence for years. I don't flaunt it and I am not harming anyone in what I am doing. She does her own thing ad I do mine. Also good luck to her if she is playing away. It's her body and mine is mine she's happy and so am I. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Im not married / attatched but I was in a relationship where our sex life was mediocre at its best
We had affection and companionship - but I couldn't go on anymore feeling like I wasn't desirable.
We split because of it.
People that cheat are really defensive - I get it I really do.
I miss being with someone - but whats the point of a fake relationship.
"
With u on this one x same here ! Don't cheat just be honest and if it's not working leave ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Why on earth people feel the need to explain themselves to a forum of complete and total strangers who generally speaking are severely judgmental (at best) is beyond me...
Out of all of the answers on here, yours is the one that I find most pointless, personally...
I don't know you and have never met you but going from your responses to the OP's question I think I can guess why you had an issue with what I said, it wasn't a "pitchfork at the ready" type of response was it..hmmm.
And by the looks of it I wasn't far wrong was I.
If you mean it's because I'm cheating, you'd be incorrect. I'm single.
"
huh?...how have you come to that?...
The thought wasn't even in my head.
I'm single aswell and have still met married/attached women on here AND knowingly done it too.
I wouldn't be against it even if you were. |
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By *aaLaaWoman
over a year ago
Pontesbury |
"I know individuals who are married and have agreed with their spouse to have sex with others, rather than have sex together, which the spouse has no interest in. Other than that it is a functioning arrangement.
Would you call that cheating?
"
Speaking from experience, definitely not cheating |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
When i joined here it was without my husbands knowledge. Its made me a lot more sexually confident after a long time without sex. We have spoke a lot since and he now knows i fuck other men and he really dosent mind. It doesnt turn him on but he says he understands that we are different ages and are at differnt points in our sexual discovery almost. We dont have sex though. We are great friends and co parents just have different sexual needs. Now i cant say for certian this route right for us or if we should just call it a day but we will see. We are really financially tied together so its not so easy to just call it a day. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"When i joined here it was without my husbands knowledge. Its made me a lot more sexually confident after a long time without sex. We have spoke a lot since and he now knows i fuck other men and he really dosent mind. It doesnt turn him on but he says he understands that we are different ages and are at differnt points in our sexual discovery almost. We dont have sex though. We are great friends and co parents just have different sexual needs. Now i cant say for certian this route right for us or if we should just call it a day but we will see. We are really financially tied together so its not so easy to just call it a day. "
Snap lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Yes, if it's not working just leave.
Brilliant advice, why didn't i think of that ?
As some people have already said, there can be a lot of financial ties that can prevent that, in my case, i'd be a lot better off, my other half wouldn't.
As for being honest and letting her get on with her life and find someone else, nice in fairy tales, but reality isn't always like those lovely books you must have read. |
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"When i joined here it was without my husbands knowledge. Its made me a lot more sexually confident after a long time without sex. We have spoke a lot since and he now knows i fuck other men and he really dosent mind. It doesnt turn him on but he says he understands that we are different ages and are at differnt points in our sexual discovery almost. We dont have sex though. We are great friends and co parents just have different sexual needs. Now i cant say for certian this route right for us or if we should just call it a day but we will see. We are really financially tied together so its not so easy to just call it a day. "
I certainly have many similarities to your situation but my wife doesn't know specifics yet.
She is no idiot mind and the fact that I am out three to five times a week til 4am week after week is not exactly me hiding the fact. She isn't interested in me and hasn't been for many years but like you we are still friends and our son is main/only real reason for staying together.
I dare say if he wasn't around we would have split years ago but he is so I won't leave and feel I haven't done anything wrong considering the years I waited for things to change back to when we had met.
There's plenty of good reasons I have to leave outside the lack of sex so I won't feel bad or guilty if it eventually does happen.
|
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Pretty much the same for me.
Met my missus when I was quite young, and the sex was ok. Not very adventurous in hindsight but I was less knowledgeable then (the internet didn't exist).
Regularity dwindled over the years, but we had two kids who are great and who I adore. We separated bedrooms three years ago, and any physical contact ceased 18 months ago.
We get along pretty well still, but the lack of sex/intimacy/hugs was making me depressed. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Im not married / attatched but I was in a relationship where our sex life was mediocre at its best
We had affection and companionship - but I couldn't go on anymore feeling like I wasn't desirable.
We split because of it.
People that cheat are really defensive - I get it I really do.
I miss being with someone - but whats the point of a fake relationship.
With u on this one x same here ! Don't cheat just be honest and if it's not working leave !"
Oh yeah that's so easy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I know this response is going to get some stick but the ones cheating are just selfish there is no reason to cheat if things are bad in a relationship try fixing them or walk away. Not go out there get your fill of sex while the other is at home looking after things or out working to pay the bills. Has for children being involved your doing more damage to the children bringing them up in a false situation. Also 9 times out of 10 you get found out and then what will your children think. Wouldn't it be better for them to have 2 separate parents giving them attention and love instead of being in a house where there's lies and tension. Has for the couple wouldn't it be better to split where you both can do what you want and be happy. Again where the cheater uses the excuse that there partner isn't well again selfish you go out and get your kicks while they suffer at home wether it's a mental or physical illness just so you dont look a twat in the real world for leaving someone who needs you.
There is more to marriage than sex!! If I felt I needed more than just sex and my marriage was that bad, then I'd leave.
I'm not about to go into the ins and outs of my marriage on a public forum. It really is no body else's business. I'm open about what I do and if someone has an issue with it, they can pass me by.
Unless you are in the exact same position you really don't know how you would react. I never thought this was something I would be doing.
Yeah there is more to marriage like being honest and loving and respecting the person you married cheating is not respecting them.
Hey Judge Judy! How do you know someone hasn't spent years trying to get the other person to talk about the problems and they just refuse ? You don't ! You don't know anything about other people's relationships so until you know the ins and outs who are you to be judge jury and executioner
I do know and I know there is no excuse for cheating and also know first hand the upset and trouble it brings to everyone involved when the truth comes out. 2 wrongs do not make a right if someone refuses to face the problem then the other should be the better or stronger person and do things properly. It's my view and like I said I've been involved in the situation and it's something I feel strongly about. Wether people think I'm right or wrong.
Every situation is different. What may have been right (or wrong) in your case doesn't make it right or wrong in everyone else's case.
You may have been hurt, which is sad, but it's not the same for everyone and their circumstances.
If someone is cheating then there's a great risk of someone getting hurt so the circumstances are the same in every case or it wouldn't be cheating and honesty is always the best way in the end saves anyone getting hurt. If you genuinely love the person why would you go behind there back and risk destroying them. Also like I asked before how would you feel if you were cheated on or if you had children and new there partner was cheating on them I'm sure none of you would like it one bit.
You are wrong. I'm sad for what happened to you but you are simply assuming that what happened in your case and the decisions you made happen for everyone and it's not true.
I have a better relationship with my missus now since starting the scene because it has taken my frustration and resentment away. I personally do not feel like I am cheating as I am not emotionally attached to the people I have played with so far and as my wife was told to 'use it or lose it' and had not touched me for 3.5 years I am reclaiming my sex life that she doesn't want anyway.
She may not know the detail but she knows that I am much happier and not resentful of her abstinence for years. I don't flaunt it and I am not harming anyone in what I am doing. She does her own thing ad I do mine. Also good luck to her if she is playing away. It's her body and mine is mine she's happy and so am I. "
So if she found out that the reason why your happy is because you've been getting sex somewhere else she really wouldn't mind? Mmm I think she would and I'm sure she would be hurt. If not then you would of told her and then it wouldn't be cheating or lying. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I know this response is going to get some stick but the ones cheating are just selfish there is no reason to cheat if things are bad in a relationship try fixing them or walk away. Not go out there get your fill of sex while the other is at home looking after things or out working to pay the bills. Has for children being involved your doing more damage to the children bringing them up in a false situation. Also 9 times out of 10 you get found out and then what will your children think. Wouldn't it be better for them to have 2 separate parents giving them attention and love instead of being in a house where there's lies and tension. Has for the couple wouldn't it be better to split where you both can do what you want and be happy. Again where the cheater uses the excuse that there partner isn't well again selfish you go out and get your kicks while they suffer at home wether it's a mental or physical illness just so you dont look a twat in the real world for leaving someone who needs you.
There is more to marriage than sex!! If I felt I needed more than just sex and my marriage was that bad, then I'd leave.
I'm not about to go into the ins and outs of my marriage on a public forum. It really is no body else's business. I'm open about what I do and if someone has an issue with it, they can pass me by.
Unless you are in the exact same position you really don't know how you would react. I never thought this was something I would be doing.
Yeah there is more to marriage like being honest and loving and respecting the person you married cheating is not respecting them.
Hey Judge Judy! How do you know someone hasn't spent years trying to get the other person to talk about the problems and they just refuse ? You don't ! You don't know anything about other people's relationships so until you know the ins and outs who are you to be judge jury and executioner
I do know and I know there is no excuse for cheating and also know first hand the upset and trouble it brings to everyone involved when the truth comes out. 2 wrongs do not make a right if someone refuses to face the problem then the other should be the better or stronger person and do things properly. It's my view and like I said I've been involved in the situation and it's something I feel strongly about. Wether people think I'm right or wrong.
Every situation is different. What may have been right (or wrong) in your case doesn't make it right or wrong in everyone else's case.
You may have been hurt, which is sad, but it's not the same for everyone and their circumstances.
If someone is cheating then there's a great risk of someone getting hurt so the circumstances are the same in every case or it wouldn't be cheating and honesty is always the best way in the end saves anyone getting hurt. If you genuinely love the person why would you go behind there back and risk destroying them. Also like I asked before how would you feel if you were cheated on or if you had children and new there partner was cheating on them I'm sure none of you would like it one bit.
You are wrong. I'm sad for what happened to you but you are simply assuming that what happened in your case and the decisions you made happen for everyone and it's not true.
I have a better relationship with my missus now since starting the scene because it has taken my frustration and resentment away. I personally do not feel like I am cheating as I am not emotionally attached to the people I have played with so far and as my wife was told to 'use it or lose it' and had not touched me for 3.5 years I am reclaiming my sex life that she doesn't want anyway.
She may not know the detail but she knows that I am much happier and not resentful of her abstinence for years. I don't flaunt it and I am not harming anyone in what I am doing. She does her own thing ad I do mine. Also good luck to her if she is playing away. It's her body and mine is mine she's happy and so am I.
So if she found out that the reason why your happy is because you've been getting sex somewhere else she really wouldn't mind? Mmm I think she would and I'm sure she would be hurt. If not then you would of told her and then it wouldn't be cheating or lying. "
We have a friend from Fab who has a sexless marriage now. Him and his wife had a truthful chat about it. He wants sex. She doesnt. They have children, a mortgage etc together. They have come to an agrement that he meets other people for sex. She knows about it. Seems to work well for them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Yes, if it's not working just leave.
Brilliant advice, why didn't i think of that ?
As some people have already said, there can be a lot of financial ties that can prevent that, in my case, i'd be a lot better off, my other half wouldn't.
As for being honest and letting her get on with her life and find someone else, nice in fairy tales, but reality isn't always like those lovely books you must have read."
So if financial ties prevent you from leaving then you don't need to cheat and can tell your partner the truth saves the lying and sneaking about and as you say you can't leave so I'm sure they would understand. Or would they see it differently and boot you out. O no that can't happen as you've got financial ties and can't leave. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Pretty much the same for me.
Met my missus when I was quite young, and the sex was ok. Not very adventurous in hindsight but I was less knowledgeable then (the internet didn't exist).
Regularity dwindled over the years, but we had two kids who are great and who I adore. We separated bedrooms three years ago, and any physical contact ceased 18 months ago.
We get along pretty well still, but the lack of sex/intimacy/hugs was making me depressed."
Fair point, people do change over time.
I don't know if people can still have hugs without the other person assuming it's a hint for sex. Hugs can be nice. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Yes, if it's not working just leave.
Brilliant advice, why didn't i think of that ?
As some people have already said, there can be a lot of financial ties that can prevent that, in my case, i'd be a lot better off, my other half wouldn't.
As for being honest and letting her get on with her life and find someone else, nice in fairy tales, but reality isn't always like those lovely books you must have read.
So if financial ties prevent you from leaving then you don't need to cheat and can tell your partner the truth saves the lying and sneaking about and as you say you can't leave so I'm sure they would understand. Or would they see it differently and boot you out. O no that can't happen as you've got financial ties and can't leave. "
When you first met were your sex drives the same? Did you go straight into swinging when you met or was it to fix sexual issues? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just adding to this. I have been with my husband since i was 19 and he was 34. I can honestly say as a 19 year old i was happy with the sex we were having. Its only been in the last couple of years where we havent been having any sex at all that i have really thought about what i want and what is important to me sexually. We are not in the same space. I remember 3 years ago on our anniversary asking him to spank me and he couldnt bring himself to do it. Its fine i wouldnt want him to do something he wasnt into. But its hard as im just discovering myself sexually and he just isnt after the same things i am x |
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"I know this response is going to get some stick but the ones cheating are just selfish there is no reason to cheat if things are bad in a relationship try fixing them or walk away. Not go out there get your fill of sex while the other is at home looking after things or out working to pay the bills. Has for children being involved your doing more damage to the children bringing them up in a false situation. Also 9 times out of 10 you get found out and then what will your children think. Wouldn't it be better for them to have 2 separate parents giving them attention and love instead of being in a house where there's lies and tension. Has for the couple wouldn't it be better to split where you both can do what you want and be happy. Again where the cheater uses the excuse that there partner isn't well again selfish you go out and get your kicks while they suffer at home wether it's a mental or physical illness just so you dont look a twat in the real world for leaving someone who needs you.
There is more to marriage than sex!! If I felt I needed more than just sex and my marriage was that bad, then I'd leave.
I'm not about to go into the ins and outs of my marriage on a public forum. It really is no body else's business. I'm open about what I do and if someone has an issue with it, they can pass me by.
Unless you are in the exact same position you really don't know how you would react. I never thought this was something I would be doing.
Yeah there is more to marriage like being honest and loving and respecting the person you married cheating is not respecting them.
Hey Judge Judy! How do you know someone hasn't spent years trying to get the other person to talk about the problems and they just refuse ? You don't ! You don't know anything about other people's relationships so until you know the ins and outs who are you to be judge jury and executioner
I do know and I know there is no excuse for cheating and also know first hand the upset and trouble it brings to everyone involved when the truth comes out. 2 wrongs do not make a right if someone refuses to face the problem then the other should be the better or stronger person and do things properly. It's my view and like I said I've been involved in the situation and it's something I feel strongly about. Wether people think I'm right or wrong.
Every situation is different. What may have been right (or wrong) in your case doesn't make it right or wrong in everyone else's case.
You may have been hurt, which is sad, but it's not the same for everyone and their circumstances.
If someone is cheating then there's a great risk of someone getting hurt so the circumstances are the same in every case or it wouldn't be cheating and honesty is always the best way in the end saves anyone getting hurt. If you genuinely love the person why would you go behind there back and risk destroying them. Also like I asked before how would you feel if you were cheated on or if you had children and new there partner was cheating on them I'm sure none of you would like it one bit.
You are wrong. I'm sad for what happened to you but you are simply assuming that what happened in your case and the decisions you made happen for everyone and it's not true.
I have a better relationship with my missus now since starting the scene because it has taken my frustration and resentment away. I personally do not feel like I am cheating as I am not emotionally attached to the people I have played with so far and as my wife was told to 'use it or lose it' and had not touched me for 3.5 years I am reclaiming my sex life that she doesn't want anyway.
She may not know the detail but she knows that I am much happier and not resentful of her abstinence for years. I don't flaunt it and I am not harming anyone in what I am doing. She does her own thing ad I do mine. Also good luck to her if she is playing away. It's her body and mine is mine she's happy and so am I.
So if she found out that the reason why your happy is because you've been getting sex somewhere else she really wouldn't mind? Mmm I think she would and I'm sure she would be hurt. If not then you would of told her and then it wouldn't be cheating or lying. "
I really think she wouldn't care as she has gone past caring, sadly. We are more old mates now. I still care and I still do love her but in more of a nonsexual way. I'm not going to tell her purely because she has forfeit the right to any argument that I am cheating by not wanting me or making any amorous advances towards me for most part of our courtship/married life.
Apart from once in the past 34 years I initiated sex between us and that once was only a reaction to my request/plea.
After my lad was born 20 years ago up til last year I worked out that we had had sex 12-15 times and I am being generous there. I am not the sort of guy that will push myself on any one and that includes my missus so when the cuddles and kisses stop and all affection is not reciprocated then your self esteem plummets and when you realise that they are never going to change and you are not ready to consign yourself to the knackers yard then you know that you have to put number one first because you have to. You do only have one life and it's important to enjoy it and be happy.
I know me not moping around certainly makes her happier. She doesn't want me but being married doesn't give her the right to deny me happiness.
This is purely sexual and swinging too and not me starting a relationship other than friendship so what's the harm? |
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"I know this response is going to get some stick but the ones cheating are just selfish there is no reason to cheat if things are bad in a relationship try fixing them or walk away. Not go out there get your fill of sex while the other is at home looking after things or out working to pay the bills. Has for children being involved your doing more damage to the children bringing them up in a false situation. Also 9 times out of 10 you get found out and then what will your children think. Wouldn't it be better for them to have 2 separate parents giving them attention and love instead of being in a house where there's lies and tension. Has for the couple wouldn't it be better to split where you both can do what you want and be happy. Again where the cheater uses the excuse that there partner isn't well again selfish you go out and get your kicks while they suffer at home wether it's a mental or physical illness just so you dont look a twat in the real world for leaving someone who needs you.
There is more to marriage than sex!! If I felt I needed more than just sex and my marriage was that bad, then I'd leave.
I'm not about to go into the ins and outs of my marriage on a public forum. It really is no body else's business. I'm open about what I do and if someone has an issue with it, they can pass me by.
Unless you are in the exact same position you really don't know how you would react. I never thought this was something I would be doing.
Yeah there is more to marriage like being honest and loving and respecting the person you married cheating is not respecting them.
Hey Judge Judy! How do you know someone hasn't spent years trying to get the other person to talk about the problems and they just refuse ? You don't ! You don't know anything about other people's relationships so until you know the ins and outs who are you to be judge jury and executioner
I do know and I know there is no excuse for cheating and also know first hand the upset and trouble it brings to everyone involved when the truth comes out. 2 wrongs do not make a right if someone refuses to face the problem then the other should be the better or stronger person and do things properly. It's my view and like I said I've been involved in the situation and it's something I feel strongly about. Wether people think I'm right or wrong.
Every situation is different. What may have been right (or wrong) in your case doesn't make it right or wrong in everyone else's case.
You may have been hurt, which is sad, but it's not the same for everyone and their circumstances.
If someone is cheating then there's a great risk of someone getting hurt so the circumstances are the same in every case or it wouldn't be cheating and honesty is always the best way in the end saves anyone getting hurt. If you genuinely love the person why would you go behind there back and risk destroying them. Also like I asked before how would you feel if you were cheated on or if you had children and new there partner was cheating on them I'm sure none of you would like it one bit.
You are wrong. I'm sad for what happened to you but you are simply assuming that what happened in your case and the decisions you made happen for everyone and it's not true.
I have a better relationship with my missus now since starting the scene because it has taken my frustration and resentment away. I personally do not feel like I am cheating as I am not emotionally attached to the people I have played with so far and as my wife was told to 'use it or lose it' and had not touched me for 3.5 years I am reclaiming my sex life that she doesn't want anyway.
She may not know the detail but she knows that I am much happier and not resentful of her abstinence for years. I don't flaunt it and I am not harming anyone in what I am doing. She does her own thing ad I do mine. Also good luck to her if she is playing away. It's her body and mine is mine she's happy and so am I.
So if she found out that the reason why your happy is because you've been getting sex somewhere else she really wouldn't mind? Mmm I think she would and I'm sure she would be hurt. If not then you would of told her and then it wouldn't be cheating or lying.
We have a friend from Fab who has a sexless marriage now. Him and his wife had a truthful chat about it. He wants sex. She doesnt. They have children, a mortgage etc together. They have come to an agrement that he meets other people for sex. She knows about it. Seems to work well for them. "
After 34 years together, and hopefully many more, I know that If I confronted her then that would be me flaunting it in front of her and she would not like having that done to her. It's not about the fact of what I am doing and more about how it makes her look to either friends or family. It works at the moment and I see her more like a sister now than my partner. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Im not married / attatched but I was in a relationship where our sex life was mediocre at its best
We had affection and companionship - but I couldn't go on anymore feeling like I wasn't desirable.
We split because of it.
People that cheat are really defensive - I get it I really do.
I miss being with someone - but whats the point of a fake relationship.
With u on this one x same here ! Don't cheat just be honest and if it's not working leave !
Oh yeah that's so easy."
I did it - left my home, marriage, wasn't right so I left, probably one of the hardest years of my life but I'm still here, still standing |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Im not married / attatched but I was in a relationship where our sex life was mediocre at its best
We had affection and companionship - but I couldn't go on anymore feeling like I wasn't desirable.
We split because of it.
People that cheat are really defensive - I get it I really do.
I miss being with someone - but whats the point of a fake relationship.
With u on this one x same here ! Don't cheat just be honest and if it's not working leave !
Oh yeah that's so easy.
I did it - left my home, marriage, wasn't right so I left, probably one of the hardest years of my life but I'm still here, still standing "
Hopefully it will all go well |
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By *kultraCouple
over a year ago
chesterfield |
Me and hubby have been together for 12 years and married for 10 years. Currently we have the best sex life we've ever had. We are both trying new things, become more adventurous and spontaneous, having lots of it and it's amazing sex. However do not think that I am saying we have the perfect sex life as just a few months ago he would have been lucky if he got it once a month. After I had our daughter 6 years ago my sex drive went poof and no matter what we tried I just didn't get horny. I enjoyed sex when we had it but it was getting in the mood that was a problem and yes it caused issues and I hated that I couldn't make it get better. I wanted it to be better and for me to feel normal. For some reason it's reappeared and I couldn't be happier. We are stronger than ever in our relationship and our sex life is fantastic. My hubby has always wanted us to try swinging but my body confidence wouldn't allow it even though I really liked the idea. Again for some reason my body confidence is massively improved, I'm pretty sure partly down to our sex life I feel so sexy and desirable because of my lovely hubby and it was my suggestion this time that we go ahead with swinging because I felt ready so I suppose you could say we are on equal terms about it. We have previously had threesomes and it turned both of us on seeing each other with someone else. We can also differentiate between making love and just having sex. Sex is sex, the only person we make love to is each other. Not everyone who swings is unhappy with their marriage or has a shit sex life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The relationship wasn't just about sex and therefore it wasn't an issue. There are always compromises in relationships at the time mediocre sex was it. Unfortunately the sex became less and less and my sex drive got greater. Other things within the relationship deteriorated as a result until what we once had was unrecognisable. At this point I moved into a separate room where I still am and obviously no sex. We are both here for the children (this is not open for debate here pm if you want further clarification) until the time comes when that is untenable. I miss and need intimacy and affection. So here I am "
I'm so close to the point you're at now, it's scary.
The thing is, and I've discussed it with him, is he thinks it's great like that.
Half of me thinks what is the point but then the other half knows it'll destroy the kids. Everyone I've talked to about it said I've got to do what's right for me but after a lifetime of putting them first...its difficult.
Yeah there are many reasons why and most probably don't step into this choice without a lot of soul searching and hard decisions |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Me and hubby have been together for 12 years and married for 10 years. Currently we have the best sex life we've ever had. We are both trying new things, become more adventurous and spontaneous, having lots of it and it's amazing sex. However do not think that I am saying we have the perfect sex life as just a few months ago he would have been lucky if he got it once a month. After I had our daughter 6 years ago my sex drive went poof and no matter what we tried I just didn't get horny. I enjoyed sex when we had it but it was getting in the mood that was a problem and yes it caused issues and I hated that I couldn't make it get better. I wanted it to be better and for me to feel normal. For some reason it's reappeared and I couldn't be happier. We are stronger than ever in our relationship and our sex life is fantastic. My hubby has always wanted us to try swinging but my body confidence wouldn't allow it even though I really liked the idea. Again for some reason my body confidence is massively improved, I'm pretty sure partly down to our sex life I feel so sexy and desirable because of my lovely hubby and it was my suggestion this time that we go ahead with swinging because I felt ready so I suppose you could say we are on equal terms about it. We have previously had threesomes and it turned both of us on seeing each other with someone else. We can also differentiate between making love and just having sex. Sex is sex, the only person we make love to is each other. Not everyone who swings is unhappy with their marriage or has a shit sex life."
Lucky you. My wife won't swing because of body confidence and also she doesn't have much of an appetite for sex. It saddens me a little because I love sex a lot and want her to come along for the ride but it's a no go, so I'm left to my own devices. No matter how much I compliment her (her body is sexy as hell) she still wonders why 'anyone would want this fat ass in their bedroom' |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My reason is a good laugh because if I didn't laugh I'd cry lol 3 yrs ago my wife accused me of having an affair which I wasn't but I found out it harder to prove that you not when my wife apparently my wife knows more about it than I did. I have been on a sex ban for 3 yrs until I get the lady in question to admit to her nothing happened this is proving hard as I don't know who the lady is when we had the affair or even if I enjoyed it enough. But I decided that I may as well be hung for something that I have done rather than something that I hadn't unfortunately at 50 and a smoker I don't meet most people requirements in my area so I still don't know if I'm enjoying it or not |
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