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Asexual..
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By *yldstyle OP Woman
over a year ago
A world of my own |
I currently have some family staying with us. Including my uncle. He's in his 70s. Hes always been single and says hes never had sex and believes himself to be asexual. Hes spent his life traveling most of the world and collecting rocks. Hes also very involved with his local church. Hes happy and has a busy life with many friends. Hes very close to my aunt and has had many conversations with her about his life so I know this is accurate. My question is have you ever wondered what life would be like if you'd never been interested in any sexual activities? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I currently have some family staying with us. Including my uncle. He's in his 70s. Hes always been single and says hes never had sex and believes himself to be asexual. Hes spent his life traveling most of the world and collecting rocks. Hes also very involved with his local church. Hes happy and has a busy life with many friends. Hes very close to my aunt and has had many conversations with her about his life so I know this is accurate. My question is have you ever wondered what life would be like if you'd never been interested in any sexual activities? "
Sounds like one of my great uncles, who died at the age of 91 having only had one relationship, at 20,with a woman who broke his heart. Died a virgin, after spending his entire life living with his parents until they passed.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I do sometimes wish I didn't have such a high sex drive but wouldn't want to be asexual although I guess it's 'normal' for them and they don't miss sex because they don't have a desire for it. Life must be alot simpler but I'd miss out on all the orgasms  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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ive lost my libido but doesnt mean im Asexual
my brother aged 25 identifies as Asexual.. has no sexual interest in men or women..
he has both male and female best friends.. has masculine traits but can be femanine too..
he is perfectly happy |
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A former colleague is asexual, she approached HR during LGBT month and asked if sexuality could be included. They tried and it seems not being interested in sex has a stigma attached to it too. It was amazing how many people wouldn't accept that it was a thing, said anyone claiming to be asexual was hiding something or had suffered a trauma.
I didn't know her well but her life was very full and she was involved in various projects to the point of obsession in some cases. So much so that I had to hide her face book updates.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I enjoy falling out of airplanes, not indulged my urge for many years now, and to be honest it doesn't bother me. can visit an airport and watch them board the jump plane, watch the chutes open and feel good for them, but never get the urge to join in anymore.
Point is you don't have to not want sex to be asexual, you just need to not want it enough to go and get it.
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
If you've never known it I guess you wouldn't miss it. Yes there must be "urges" but if you don't act on them they go away and maybe after a certain length of time stop completely.
If someone is happy and living a full life otherwise then they probably have things that, for them at least, replace sex in the list of highs. |
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Asexual is not the same as having a low libido or not wanting sex after a long period without it. It is the complete absence of sexual desire. If you have any sexual desire at all or any interest in sex apart from academic you are not asexual. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tbh I think it would be much better somehow, I envy him.
Not if you don't let your sexual urges rule your life. "
Oh yes, control is the key but not easily done. |
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"Asexual is not the same as having a low libido or not wanting sex after a long period without it. It is the complete absence of sexual desire. If you have any sexual desire at all or any interest in sex apart from academic you are not asexual."
Well said. I have family members that i presume to be asexual. They aren't half boring though so i can't be sure. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Asexuality is a sexual orientation that means a person feels no sexual attraction to people of any gender. However, a person who identifies as asexual can still choose to have sex, can still love, can still be involved with a romantic partner or get married, and can still engage in normal relationships.
Asexuality doesn’t describe what a person chooses to do, but rather how a person feels. Asexual people have emotional needs, feel attraction to others, and can even feel arousal: they just don’t feel sexual attraction.
Many asexual people still identify as lesbian, gay, straight, bisexual, or pansexual (attracted to people of any gender or sexual orientation) as well.
Asexuality is not the same as having a low libido, which can be caused by medical or health issues, nor is it the same as repressing one’s sexual desires. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Understand the asexuality umbrella. As with any sexual orientation, the label asexual is a generalization that doesn’t explain or represent everyone who identifies that way. All humans are unique and individual, and sexual orientation exists on a spectrum of needs, desires, interests, and attractions.
Think of asexuality as an umbrella term that describes people who identify as asexual, gray-asexual, and demisexual.
Gray-asexual means that a person experiences sexual attraction, but either not very often or only to a minimal extent.
Demisexual describes a person who only feels sexual attraction to people with whom a close emotional bond has been formed.
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"K serious question. Can u go asexual after a very full sexuall lifeYes they can. I looked it up."
I tried to look it up but there's some much misinformation about it that i can't form an opinion. I personally know some people who never showed any interest in sex but i think going off sex is a different matter. |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
•+• Access Denied •+• |
i think i wouldn't have made so many mistakes if i hadn't been interested in sex.
i have had (probably still got) sex addiction and i made bad choices that were occurred because of sex AND coz i use sex as a coping mechanism, so i will fuck up in very stressful times more than other times. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There's a lot of stuff online about being asexual but there doesn't seem to be any serious clinical research, so perhaps that's why it's not taken seriously?
I know on the autism related forums I sometimes use, asexuality is a common discussion topic. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That ain't normal."
You're wrong. It really is. Lots of things are normal, even those things that some people are either too bigoted or too thick to understand. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That ain't normal.
You're wrong. It really is. Lots of things are normal, even those things that some people are either too bigoted or too thick to understand."
To the people who identify as asexual it is normal. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That ain't normal.
What's 'normal'?
It's normal for 1% of the population to be asexual. Variation is a natural part of evolution. "
How can they possibly know that it's 1% or 23% or 99% though |
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"That ain't normal.
What's 'normal'?
It's normal for 1% of the population to be asexual. Variation is a natural part of evolution. "
Can't see evolution going too much further as that 1% increases 
But seriously , if someone has no sexual desire at all then fair enough , it's their life .
But not for us thanks . |
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By *yldstyle OP Woman
over a year ago
A world of my own |
"That ain't normal."
Normal is nothing more than a setting on the washing machine. Its a percepton. Its individual. The concept of normal is actually rather damaging for some people. They strive to be something or fit in to a category that isnt even real.
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"That ain't normal.
What's 'normal'?
It's normal for 1% of the population to be asexual. Variation is a natural part of evolution.
How can they possibly know that it's 1% or 23% or 99% though"
They take a representative sample and extrapolate the results |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That ain't normal.
Normal is nothing more than a setting on the washing machine. Its a percepton. Its individual. The concept of normal is actually rather damaging for some people. They strive to be something or fit in to a category that isnt even real.
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That ain't normal.
What's 'normal'?
It's normal for 1% of the population to be asexual. Variation is a natural part of evolution.
How can they possibly know that it's 1% or 23% or 99% though
They take a representative sample and extrapolate the results"
I hate statistics.  x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That ain't normal.
Normal is nothing more than a setting on the washing machine. Its a percepton. Its individual. The concept of normal is actually rather damaging for some people. They strive to be something or fit in to a category that isnt even real.
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That ain't normal.
What's 'normal'?
It's normal for 1% of the population to be asexual. Variation is a natural part of evolution.
Can't see evolution going too much further as that 1% increases
But seriously , if someone has no sexual desire at all then fair enough , it's their life .
But not for us thanks ."
I don't think you get to choose, it's just how you are. |
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"That ain't normal.
What's 'normal'?
It's normal for 1% of the population to be asexual. Variation is a natural part of evolution.
Can't see evolution going too much further as that 1% increases
But seriously , if someone has no sexual desire at all then fair enough , it's their life .
But not for us thanks .
I don't think you get to choose, it's just how you are."
I wonder if there is any therapy available ?
Or indeed whether these people feel any need for it if there is ?
Or is it simply that you don't miss what you've never had .... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That ain't normal.
What's 'normal'?
It's normal for 1% of the population to be asexual. Variation is a natural part of evolution.
Can't see evolution going too much further as that 1% increases
But seriously , if someone has no sexual desire at all then fair enough , it's their life .
But not for us thanks .
I don't think you get to choose, it's just how you are.
I wonder if there is any therapy available ?
Or indeed whether these people feel any need for it if there is ?
Or is it simply that you don't miss what you've never had ...."
Possibly just the way their brains have developed. There's still so little known about the human brain. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That ain't normal.
What's 'normal'?"
Statistical average?
There's always outliers but they are not "normal" (despite there always being outliers)
Main issue comes from people linking the word "normal/abnormal" with "good/bad".
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That ain't normal.
What's 'normal'?
It's normal for 1% of the population to be asexual. Variation is a natural part of evolution.
Can't see evolution going too much further as that 1% increases
But seriously , if someone has no sexual desire at all then fair enough , it's their life .
But not for us thanks .
I don't think you get to choose, it's just how you are.
I wonder if there is any therapy available ?
Or indeed whether these people feel any need for it if there is ?
Or is it simply that you don't miss what you've never had ...."
Yeah sure. Like there is therapy for gay people. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That ain't normal.
What's 'normal'?
It's normal for 1% of the population to be asexual. Variation is a natural part of evolution.
Can't see evolution going too much further as that 1% increases
But seriously , if someone has no sexual desire at all then fair enough , it's their life .
But not for us thanks .
I don't think you get to choose, it's just how you are.
I wonder if there is any therapy available ?
Or indeed whether these people feel any need for it if there is ?
Or is it simply that you don't miss what you've never had ....
Yeah sure. Like there is therapy for gay people."
If people are happy, let then be... weird that the Asexual number quoted above is 1%, that's about the same as the swingers % |
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"That ain't normal.
What's 'normal'?
It's normal for 1% of the population to be asexual. Variation is a natural part of evolution.
Can't see evolution going too much further as that 1% increases
But seriously , if someone has no sexual desire at all then fair enough , it's their life .
But not for us thanks .
I don't think you get to choose, it's just how you are.
I wonder if there is any therapy available ?
Or indeed whether these people feel any need for it if there is ?
Or is it simply that you don't miss what you've never had ....
Yeah sure. Like there is therapy for gay people."
That's a bit harsh 
Gay people feel sexual energy , they have sexual desire , and their hormones are no different to anyone else , straight , bi , or anything between , but possibly not the same as as an asexual person . If the hormone which gives everyone else these desires is not present , then just as thyroxin is given when the thyroid is under active , why shouldn't it be offered ?
Who said everyone with no sexual desire was happy ?
I don't suggest anything be given unless it was asked for , and I know it's not life threatening or anything .
I also know there are many asexual people who are perfectly happy that way .
But when I suggest there may be a way to help those who may want it , and you make a comment like that , it's somewhat dissapointing that you have perceived my comment in such a way  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
That's a bit harsh
Gay people feel sexual energy , they have sexual desire , and their hormones are no different to anyone else , straight , bi , or anything between , but possibly not the same as as an asexual person . If the hormone which gives everyone else these desires is not present , then just as thyroxin is given when the thyroid is under active , why shouldn't it be offered ?
Who said everyone with no sexual desire was happy ?
I don't suggest anything be given unless it was asked for , and I know it's not life threatening or anything .
I also know there are many asexual people who are perfectly happy that way .
But when I suggest there may be a way to help those who may want it , and you make a comment like that , it's somewhat dissapointing that you have perceived my comment in such a way "
The vast majority of my asexual friends are very, very happy. They don't miss sex. They don't need sex. They would be extrodinarily upset to hear that people perceive the way that they are to be damaged and require fixing.
They're not broken any more than a person has *alot* of sexual desire is broken. They're just different. And I've never met an asexual person who wants to be 'helped' (just like I've never met a gay person that wants to be helped - although they do exist so I suspect that asexual people who want to be helped do exist).
Asexual people live perfectly normal lives. Very fulfilling normal lives. They have romantic relationships, they often have children, and they sometimes even enjoy some of the less sexual elements of things like BDSM. Some even *do* have sex, because they want to make someone that they love happy.
I'm aromantic myself, I just don't have those feelings. I've had quite a few people make suggestions like you just did, that perhaps I just need therapy to become 'normal' so that I can lead a 'normal' life, and have 'normal' feelings. But I'm very happy, as are most aromantic people. We are just minorities. We are just a bit different. But generally we're pretty happy with our lot and we don't need therapy or treatment to become just another one of the masses. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
If the hormone which gives everyone else these desires is not present , then just as thyroxin is given when the thyroid is under active , why shouldn't it be offered ?"
FWIW - it's largely agreed that asexuality is not a hormone imbalance. Many asexual people have been through all the blood tests only to find that all their hormone levels are completely normal. There are quite a few different reasons for people being asexual, including 'they just are'. |
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By *yldstyle OP Woman
over a year ago
A world of my own |
I can only go by the experiences of his life hes shared in conversation and I'd conclude that he feels there is "nothing wrong"
He says at times he looks back on his life and wonders what may have been however he doesn't feel like hes missed out. He's travelled the world, and continues to be in good health, he has a comfortable life and feels lucky. Although says he does feel lonely and suffers from anxiety since retiring. Which many people experience.
I think he would be horrified at the idea of needing therapy or the assumption that he had some trauma.
However, from what I remember vaguely of his mother and from what other family have said of her Freud theories could well have some merit. That being said, she is no more the cause of his asexuality than my parents for me being hetrosexual.
It's just who he is.
Great to see some interesting debate on here
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"
That's a bit harsh
Gay people feel sexual energy , they have sexual desire , and their hormones are no different to anyone else , straight , bi , or anything between , but possibly not the same as as an asexual person . If the hormone which gives everyone else these desires is not present , then just as thyroxin is given when the thyroid is under active , why shouldn't it be offered ?
Who said everyone with no sexual desire was happy ?
I don't suggest anything be given unless it was asked for , and I know it's not life threatening or anything .
I also know there are many asexual people who are perfectly happy that way .
But when I suggest there may be a way to help those who may want it , and you make a comment like that , it's somewhat dissapointing that you have perceived my comment in such a way
The vast majority of my asexual friends are very, very happy. They don't miss sex. They don't need sex. They would be extrodinarily upset to hear that people perceive the way that they are to be damaged and require fixing.
They're not broken any more than a person has *alot* of sexual desire is broken. They're just different. And I've never met an asexual person who wants to be 'helped' (just like I've never met a gay person that wants to be helped - although they do exist so I suspect that asexual people who want to be helped do exist).
Asexual people live perfectly normal lives. Very fulfilling normal lives. They have romantic relationships, they often have children, and they sometimes even enjoy some of the less sexual elements of things like BDSM. Some even *do* have sex, because they want to make someone that they love happy.
I'm aromantic myself, I just don't have those feelings. I've had quite a few people make suggestions like you just did, that perhaps I just need therapy to become 'normal' so that I can lead a 'normal' life, and have 'normal' feelings. But I'm very happy, as are most aromantic people. We are just minorities. We are just a bit different. But generally we're pretty happy with our lot and we don't need therapy or treatment to become just another one of the masses."
That's a fair assessment, and I understand a lot more now . |
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"That ain't normal.
What's 'normal'?
It's normal for 1% of the population to be asexual. Variation is a natural part of evolution.
Can't see evolution going too much further as that 1% increases
But seriously , if someone has no sexual desire at all then fair enough , it's their life .
But not for us thanks .
I don't think you get to choose, it's just how you are.
I wonder if there is any therapy available ?
Or indeed whether these people feel any need for it if there is ?
Or is it simply that you don't miss what you've never had ....
Yeah sure. Like there is therapy for gay people.
If people are happy, let then be... weird that the Asexual number quoted above is 1%, that's about the same as the swingers %"
Its a lot more than 1%, but it depends what you measure. As a percentage of married couples it's about 15%. And 60-70% married people are unfaithful at some point in the marriage even if they dont call yourselves swingers |
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By *ybtMan
over a year ago
Derby |
I don't want to offend anyone who is but I don't believe in 'Asexuality' to me some people just find admitting what turns them on. So they chose to say nothing does. We all get those dirty thoughts in our head it is just admitting what or who they are about. |
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"I don't want to offend anyone who is but I don't believe in 'Asexuality' to me some people just find admitting what turns them on. So they chose to say nothing does. We all get those dirty thoughts in our head it is just admitting what or who they are about."
Thats a possibility but do you have any evidence to support it? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I believe there are people who are asexual.
There are times when I worry about how much time I spend thinking about sex, planning sex, having sex.
I imagine being asexual would be liberating. |
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"I don't want to offend anyone who is but I don't believe in 'Asexuality' to me some people just find admitting what turns them on. So they chose to say nothing does. We all get those dirty thoughts in our head it is just admitting what or who they are about."
My mum thinks my lesbian niece is just "going through a phase".
Both you and she could be right but I beg to differ. |
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"I believe there are people who are asexual.
There are times when I worry about how much time I spend thinking about sex, planning sex, having sex.
I imagine being asexual would be liberating. "
You can't be liberated from something that never held you prisoner. |
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By *yldstyle OP Woman
over a year ago
A world of my own |
"I don't want to offend anyone who is but I don't believe in 'Asexuality' to me some people just find admitting what turns them on. So they chose to say nothing does. We all get those dirty thoughts in our head it is just admitting what or who they are about."
I'm not offended but I find it a bit of a strange view point. |
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By *ybtMan
over a year ago
Derby |
"I don't want to offend anyone who is but I don't believe in 'Asexuality' to me some people just find admitting what turns them on. So they chose to say nothing does. We all get those dirty thoughts in our head it is just admitting what or who they are about.
My mum thinks my lesbian niece is just "going through a phase".
Both you and she could be right but I beg to differ."
Well that is very different. I'm actually saying it is biologically impossible to not be turned on, or aroused by certain things. whether that is guys, girls, t-girls, anal, tits, whatever.
I have known a couple of guys who claimed to be Asexual when younger but later turned out to be gay, it was just another way of denying it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't want to offend anyone who is but I don't believe in 'Asexuality' to me some people just find admitting what turns them on. So they chose to say nothing does. We all get those dirty thoughts in our head it is just admitting what or who they are about.
My mum thinks my lesbian niece is just "going through a phase".
Both you and she could be right but I beg to differ."
Who are we to know what other people feel. We don't know what is going on anyone else's mind.
I think it's a bit egotistical to assume that just because you feel sexual urges that everyone must |
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By *ybtMan
over a year ago
Derby |
"I don't want to offend anyone who is but I don't believe in 'Asexuality' to me some people just find admitting what turns them on. So they chose to say nothing does. We all get those dirty thoughts in our head it is just admitting what or who they are about.
Thats a possibility but do you have any evidence to support it? "
Only knowing a couple of guys who described themselves as asexual to later turn out gay and that I know and have those feelings and desires inside and like everyone on here happily admit to them. I cant imagine people don't have those urges they just never choose to act on them. |
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"I don't want to offend anyone who is but I don't believe in 'Asexuality' to me some people just find admitting what turns them on. So they chose to say nothing does. We all get those dirty thoughts in our head it is just admitting what or who they are about.
My mum thinks my lesbian niece is just "going through a phase".
Both you and she could be right but I beg to differ.
Well that is very different. I'm actually saying it is biologically impossible to not be turned on, or aroused by certain things. whether that is guys, girls, t-girls, anal, tits, whatever.
I have known a couple of guys who claimed to be Asexual when younger but later turned out to be gay, it was just another way of denying it."
Ok. I only have experience of an asexual colleague, I don't think she was hiding anything she genuinely wasn't sexual.
I don't think there's a difference in my mum not believing in lesbians i.e. women cant be turned on by women and you not believing in asexuality. Sexuality is a broad spectrum that ranges from asexual to whatever the opposite is in my opinion. |
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By *ybtMan
over a year ago
Derby |
I think my point is very valid I'm sure in the animal kingdom asexuality doesn't exist because animals don't feel any pressure to hide their urges. They don't fear rejection, or not being straight, or being turned on by things that aren't the norm. |
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"I think my point is very valid I'm sure in the animal kingdom asexuality doesn't exist because animals don't feel any pressure to hide their urges. They don't fear rejection, or not being straight, or being turned on by things that aren't the norm."
How are you sure?
I'm not saying you're wrong but if you're going to claim that something doesn't exist because you don't believe in it you need to back it up.
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"I don't want to offend anyone who is but I don't believe in 'Asexuality' to me some people just find admitting what turns them on. So they chose to say nothing does. We all get those dirty thoughts in our head it is just admitting what or who they are about.
Thats a possibility but do you have any evidence to support it?
Only knowing a couple of guys who described themselves as asexual to later turn out gay and that I know and have those feelings and desires inside and like everyone on here happily admit to them. I cant imagine people don't have those urges they just never choose to act on them."
I understand what you are saying but i think you are conflating two seperate things. Some people indeed struggle to admit they fancy the same sex. But what about people that have hetrosexual relationships but don't desire to fuck their partner, sheldon cooper if you will. |
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By *ybtMan
over a year ago
Derby |
"I think my point is very valid I'm sure in the animal kingdom asexuality doesn't exist because animals don't feel any pressure to hide their urges. They don't fear rejection, or not being straight, or being turned on by things that aren't the norm.
How are you sure?
I'm not saying you're wrong but if you're going to claim that something doesn't exist because you don't believe in it you need to back it up.
"
That is an odd way of thinking, surely something needs to be proved not disproved. Either way it is personal opinion, I stated I don't believe in it. I don't believe in god either are you going to ask me to prove he doesn't exist? |
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By *ybtMan
over a year ago
Derby |
"I don't want to offend anyone who is but I don't believe in 'Asexuality' to me some people just find admitting what turns them on. So they chose to say nothing does. We all get those dirty thoughts in our head it is just admitting what or who they are about.
Thats a possibility but do you have any evidence to support it?
Only knowing a couple of guys who described themselves as asexual to later turn out gay and that I know and have those feelings and desires inside and like everyone on here happily admit to them. I cant imagine people don't have those urges they just never choose to act on them.
I understand what you are saying but i think you are conflating two seperate things. Some people indeed struggle to admit they fancy the same sex. But what about people that have hetrosexual relationships but don't desire to fuck their partner, sheldon cooper if you will. "
Sheldon Cooper sets off my gaydar big time.
I get your point and I totally get people's sex drives differ and some are lower than others, but I believe everyone has one. |
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"I think my point is very valid I'm sure in the animal kingdom asexuality doesn't exist because animals don't feel any pressure to hide their urges. They don't fear rejection, or not being straight, or being turned on by things that aren't the norm.
How are you sure?
I'm not saying you're wrong but if you're going to claim that something doesn't exist because you don't believe in it you need to back it up.
That is an odd way of thinking, surely something needs to be proved not disproved. Either way it is personal opinion, I stated I don't believe in it. I don't believe in god either are you going to ask me to prove he doesn't exist?"
My way of thinking isn't odd its just different to yours.
Nobody is walking around telling me they're God. Some people are telling me they're asexual, I dont feel it's my place to ask them to prove it. |
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"I don't want to offend anyone who is but I don't believe in 'Asexuality' to me some people just find admitting what turns them on. So they chose to say nothing does. We all get those dirty thoughts in our head it is just admitting what or who they are about.
Thats a possibility but do you have any evidence to support it?
Only knowing a couple of guys who described themselves as asexual to later turn out gay and that I know and have those feelings and desires inside and like everyone on here happily admit to them. I cant imagine people don't have those urges they just never choose to act on them.
I understand what you are saying but i think you are conflating two seperate things. Some people indeed struggle to admit they fancy the same sex. But what about people that have hetrosexual relationships but don't desire to fuck their partner, sheldon cooper if you will.
Sheldon Cooper sets off my gaydar big time.
I get your point and I totally get people's sex drives differ and some are lower than others, but I believe everyone has one. "
To be fair i have a huge thing for intelligent women so i couldnt be in a relationship and not bang amy farrah fowler. |
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By *yldstyle OP Woman
over a year ago
A world of my own |
"I don't want to offend anyone who is but I don't believe in 'Asexuality' to me some people just find admitting what turns them on. So they chose to say nothing does. We all get those dirty thoughts in our head it is just admitting what or who they are about.
My mum thinks my lesbian niece is just "going through a phase".
Both you and she could be right but I beg to differ.
Well that is very different. I'm actually saying it is biologically impossible to not be turned on, or aroused by certain things. whether that is guys, girls, t-girls, anal, tits, whatever.
I have known a couple of guys who claimed to be Asexual when younger but later turned out to be gay, it was just another way of denying it."
There are many people who do not experience sexual arousal in those terms. I work with people with learning difficulties and Autism and while some do some just don't. Its not something they even consider or think about |
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By *ybtMan
over a year ago
Derby |
"I think my point is very valid I'm sure in the animal kingdom asexuality doesn't exist because animals don't feel any pressure to hide their urges. They don't fear rejection, or not being straight, or being turned on by things that aren't the norm.
How are you sure?
I'm not saying you're wrong but if you're going to claim that something doesn't exist because you don't believe in it you need to back it up.
That is an odd way of thinking, surely something needs to be proved not disproved. Either way it is personal opinion, I stated I don't believe in it. I don't believe in god either are you going to ask me to prove he doesn't exist?
My way of thinking isn't odd its just different to yours.
Nobody is walking around telling me they're God. Some people are telling me they're asexual, I dont feel it's my place to ask them to prove it."
Fair enough but people walk around believing god exists.
I don't need them to prove, I have my opinion and there is no way it can be proved or disproved either way.
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By *ybtMan
over a year ago
Derby |
"I don't want to offend anyone who is but I don't believe in 'Asexuality' to me some people just find admitting what turns them on. So they chose to say nothing does. We all get those dirty thoughts in our head it is just admitting what or who they are about.
My mum thinks my lesbian niece is just "going through a phase".
Both you and she could be right but I beg to differ.
Well that is very different. I'm actually saying it is biologically impossible to not be turned on, or aroused by certain things. whether that is guys, girls, t-girls, anal, tits, whatever.
I have known a couple of guys who claimed to be Asexual when younger but later turned out to be gay, it was just another way of denying it.
There are many people who do not experience sexual arousal in those terms. I work with people with learning difficulties and Autism and while some do some just don't. Its not something they even consider or think about"
But that is probably because they haven't reached sexual maturity due to their learning difficulties and Autism.
Very worth while job btw  |
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By *ybtMan
over a year ago
Derby |
"I don't want to offend anyone who is but I don't believe in 'Asexuality' to me some people just find admitting what turns them on. So they chose to say nothing does. We all get those dirty thoughts in our head it is just admitting what or who they are about.
Thats a possibility but do you have any evidence to support it?
Only knowing a couple of guys who described themselves as asexual to later turn out gay and that I know and have those feelings and desires inside and like everyone on here happily admit to them. I cant imagine people don't have those urges they just never choose to act on them.
I understand what you are saying but i think you are conflating two seperate things. Some people indeed struggle to admit they fancy the same sex. But what about people that have hetrosexual relationships but don't desire to fuck their partner, sheldon cooper if you will.
Sheldon Cooper sets off my gaydar big time.
I get your point and I totally get people's sex drives differ and some are lower than others, but I believe everyone has one.
To be fair i have a huge thing for intelligent women so i couldnt be in a relationship and not bang amy farrah fowler. "
I have no idea who that is  |
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I was asexual for a ten year period in my life. Had no interest at all didn't miss it or give it a thought. Think perhaps other things take over when Kids are growing up.
I hit my most sexual through my later 50's. Was lovely whilst it lasted.  |
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"I don't want to offend anyone who is but I don't believe in 'Asexuality' to me some people just find admitting what turns them on. So they chose to say nothing does. We all get those dirty thoughts in our head it is just admitting what or who they are about.
Thats a possibility but do you have any evidence to support it?
Only knowing a couple of guys who described themselves as asexual to later turn out gay and that I know and have those feelings and desires inside and like everyone on here happily admit to them. I cant imagine people don't have those urges they just never choose to act on them.
I understand what you are saying but i think you are conflating two seperate things. Some people indeed struggle to admit they fancy the same sex. But what about people that have hetrosexual relationships but don't desire to fuck their partner, sheldon cooper if you will.
Sheldon Cooper sets off my gaydar big time.
I get your point and I totally get people's sex drives differ and some are lower than others, but I believe everyone has one.
To be fair i have a huge thing for intelligent women so i couldnt be in a relationship and not bang amy farrah fowler.
I have no idea who that is "
Sheldons girlfriend |
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By *yldstyle OP Woman
over a year ago
A world of my own |
"I don't want to offend anyone who is but I don't believe in 'Asexuality' to me some people just find admitting what turns them on. So they chose to say nothing does. We all get those dirty thoughts in our head it is just admitting what or who they are about.
My mum thinks my lesbian niece is just "going through a phase".
Both you and she could be right but I beg to differ.
Well that is very different. I'm actually saying it is biologically impossible to not be turned on, or aroused by certain things. whether that is guys, girls, t-girls, anal, tits, whatever.
I have known a couple of guys who claimed to be Asexual when younger but later turned out to be gay, it was just another way of denying it.
There are many people who do not experience sexual arousal in those terms. I work with people with learning difficulties and Autism and while some do some just don't. Its not something they even consider or think about
But that is probably because they haven't reached sexual maturity due to their learning difficulties and Autism.
Very worth while job btw "
For some that might be the case, for others its just of no interest to them. There are also others who enjoy full sex lives and relationships. Its very individual. While I can see that some who struggle with their feelings may choose to ignore their desires they are not Asexual.
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"I was asexual for a ten year period in my life. Had no interest at all didn't miss it or give it a thought. Think perhaps other things take over when Kids are growing up.
I hit my most sexual through my later 50's. Was lovely whilst it lasted. "
Just to be clear, you didn't organsm for 10 years? |
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By *yldstyle OP Woman
over a year ago
A world of my own |
"I was asexual for a ten year period in my life. Had no interest at all didn't miss it or give it a thought. Think perhaps other things take over when Kids are growing up.
I hit my most sexual through my later 50's. Was lovely whilst it lasted. "
I think that was more likely a loss of libido? |
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By *ybtMan
over a year ago
Derby |
"I don't want to offend anyone who is but I don't believe in 'Asexuality' to me some people just find admitting what turns them on. So they chose to say nothing does. We all get those dirty thoughts in our head it is just admitting what or who they are about.
Thats a possibility but do you have any evidence to support it?
Only knowing a couple of guys who described themselves as asexual to later turn out gay and that I know and have those feelings and desires inside and like everyone on here happily admit to them. I cant imagine people don't have those urges they just never choose to act on them.
I understand what you are saying but i think you are conflating two seperate things. Some people indeed struggle to admit they fancy the same sex. But what about people that have hetrosexual relationships but don't desire to fuck their partner, sheldon cooper if you will.
Sheldon Cooper sets off my gaydar big time.
I get your point and I totally get people's sex drives differ and some are lower than others, but I believe everyone has one.
To be fair i have a huge thing for intelligent women so i couldnt be in a relationship and not bang amy farrah fowler.
I have no idea who that is
Sheldons girlfriend"
Shall we spilt them up, I'll prove he's gay you bag the girl  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't want to offend anyone who is but I don't believe in 'Asexuality' to me some people just find admitting what turns them on. So they chose to say nothing does. We all get those dirty thoughts in our head it is just admitting what or who they are about.
My mum thinks my lesbian niece is just "going through a phase".
Both you and she could be right but I beg to differ.
Well that is very different. I'm actually saying it is biologically impossible to not be turned on, or aroused by certain things. whether that is guys, girls, t-girls, anal, tits, whatever.
I have known a couple of guys who claimed to be Asexual when younger but later turned out to be gay, it was just another way of denying it.
There are many people who do not experience sexual arousal in those terms. I work with people with learning difficulties and Autism and while some do some just don't. Its not something they even consider or think about
But that is probably because they haven't reached sexual maturity due to their learning difficulties and Autism.
Very worth while job btw "
Jeez hold your assaults  You've met a few men who denied their sexuality to the point of not pursuing anything sexual. Yes, this happens. But to jump into claiming every person who identifies as asexual is suppressing their sexuality is quite a leap. You also say things like "it is biologically impossible to not be turned on" -really? Perhaps you've never experienced it yourself, but funnily enough even in the hypersexual world of swinging there are a few who have. Open your mind a bit to others' experiences please.
Same with autism. There are pleeeeenty of adult people with autism who are sexually and mentally mature but are not wired like "everyone else", hence experience the world in a slightly different way. They may never feel like you feel, but what you feel is not more valid than what they do. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Asexual is not the same as having a low libido or not wanting sex after a long period without it. It is the complete absence of sexual desire. If you have any sexual desire at all or any interest in sex apart from academic you are not asexual."
Plenty people who identify as asexuals do happen to have a low libido, or diminished sexual desire, or diminished sexual activity etc etc, it is called gray-asexuality. It is not uncommon for an asexual person to masturbate, they sometimes liken it to going to the toilet. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't want to offend anyone who is but I don't believe in 'Asexuality' to me some people just find admitting what turns them on. So they chose to say nothing does. We all get those dirty thoughts in our head it is just admitting what or who they are about.
Thats a possibility but do you have any evidence to support it?
Only knowing a couple of guys who described themselves as asexual to later turn out gay and that I know and have those feelings and desires inside and like everyone on here happily admit to them. I cant imagine people don't have those urges they just never choose to act on them.
I understand what you are saying but i think you are conflating two seperate things. Some people indeed struggle to admit they fancy the same sex. But what about people that have hetrosexual relationships but don't desire to fuck their partner, sheldon cooper if you will.
Sheldon Cooper sets off my gaydar big time.
I get your point and I totally get people's sex drives differ and some are lower than others, but I believe everyone has one. "
Sheldon Cooper is a character who is a collection of cliches. Played by an actor who happens to be gay. |
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"I don't want to offend anyone who is but I don't believe in 'Asexuality' to me some people just find admitting what turns them on. So they chose to say nothing does. We all get those dirty thoughts in our head it is just admitting what or who they are about.
Thats a possibility but do you have any evidence to support it?
Only knowing a couple of guys who described themselves as asexual to later turn out gay and that I know and have those feelings and desires inside and like everyone on here happily admit to them. I cant imagine people don't have those urges they just never choose to act on them.
I understand what you are saying but i think you are conflating two seperate things. Some people indeed struggle to admit they fancy the same sex. But what about people that have hetrosexual relationships but don't desire to fuck their partner, sheldon cooper if you will.
Sheldon Cooper sets off my gaydar big time.
I get your point and I totally get people's sex drives differ and some are lower than others, but I believe everyone has one.
Sheldon Cooper is a character who is a collection of cliches. Played by an actor who happens to be gay. "
Bullshit, it's a documentary |
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By *yldstyle OP Woman
over a year ago
A world of my own |
"I don't want to offend anyone who is but I don't believe in 'Asexuality' to me some people just find admitting what turns them on. So they chose to say nothing does. We all get those dirty thoughts in our head it is just admitting what or who they are about.
Thats a possibility but do you have any evidence to support it?
Only knowing a couple of guys who described themselves as asexual to later turn out gay and that I know and have those feelings and desires inside and like everyone on here happily admit to them. I cant imagine people don't have those urges they just never choose to act on them.
I understand what you are saying but i think you are conflating two seperate things. Some people indeed struggle to admit they fancy the same sex. But what about people that have hetrosexual relationships but don't desire to fuck their partner, sheldon cooper if you will.
Sheldon Cooper sets off my gaydar big time.
I get your point and I totally get people's sex drives differ and some are lower than others, but I believe everyone has one.
Sheldon Cooper is a character who is a collection of cliches. Played by an actor who happens to be gay.
Bullshit, it's a documentary "
Its a sit com about made up characters and it terrifies me that people like teachers are apparently being told to watch it to help them understand autism. Thsts a whole other subject though |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't want to offend anyone who is but I don't believe in 'Asexuality' to me some people just find admitting what turns them on. So they chose to say nothing does. We all get those dirty thoughts in our head it is just admitting what or who they are about.
Thats a possibility but do you have any evidence to support it?
Only knowing a couple of guys who described themselves as asexual to later turn out gay and that I know and have those feelings and desires inside and like everyone on here happily admit to them. I cant imagine people don't have those urges they just never choose to act on them.
I understand what you are saying but i think you are conflating two seperate things. Some people indeed struggle to admit they fancy the same sex. But what about people that have hetrosexual relationships but don't desire to fuck their partner, sheldon cooper if you will.
Sheldon Cooper sets off my gaydar big time.
I get your point and I totally get people's sex drives differ and some are lower than others, but I believe everyone has one.
Sheldon Cooper is a character who is a collection of cliches. Played by an actor who happens to be gay.
Bullshit, it's a documentary "
Funny guy, you are. |
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"I don't want to offend anyone who is but I don't believe in 'Asexuality' to me some people just find admitting what turns them on. So they chose to say nothing does. We all get those dirty thoughts in our head it is just admitting what or who they are about.
Thats a possibility but do you have any evidence to support it?
Only knowing a couple of guys who described themselves as asexual to later turn out gay and that I know and have those feelings and desires inside and like everyone on here happily admit to them. I cant imagine people don't have those urges they just never choose to act on them.
I understand what you are saying but i think you are conflating two seperate things. Some people indeed struggle to admit they fancy the same sex. But what about people that have hetrosexual relationships but don't desire to fuck their partner, sheldon cooper if you will.
Sheldon Cooper sets off my gaydar big time.
I get your point and I totally get people's sex drives differ and some are lower than others, but I believe everyone has one.
Sheldon Cooper is a character who is a collection of cliches. Played by an actor who happens to be gay.
Bullshit, it's a documentary
Its a sit com about made up characters and it terrifies me that people like teachers are apparently being told to watch it to help them understand autism. Thsts a whole other subject though"
Ye gods! That's like being toD to watch Top Gear to learn how to drive |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't want to offend anyone who is but I don't believe in 'Asexuality' to me some people just find admitting what turns them on. So they chose to say nothing does. We all get those dirty thoughts in our head it is just admitting what or who they are about.
Thats a possibility but do you have any evidence to support it?
Only knowing a couple of guys who described themselves as asexual to later turn out gay and that I know and have those feelings and desires inside and like everyone on here happily admit to them. I cant imagine people don't have those urges they just never choose to act on them.
I understand what you are saying but i think you are conflating two seperate things. Some people indeed struggle to admit they fancy the same sex. But what about people that have hetrosexual relationships but don't desire to fuck their partner, sheldon cooper if you will.
Sheldon Cooper sets off my gaydar big time.
I get your point and I totally get people's sex drives differ and some are lower than others, but I believe everyone has one.
Sheldon Cooper is a character who is a collection of cliches. Played by an actor who happens to be gay.
Bullshit, it's a documentary
Its a sit com about made up characters and it terrifies me that people like teachers are apparently being told to watch it to help them understand autism. Thsts a whole other subject though"
Seriously??! That's awful! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Understand the asexuality umbrella. As with any sexual orientation, the label asexual is a generalization that doesn’t explain or represent everyone who identifies that way. All humans are unique and individual, and sexual orientation exists on a spectrum of needs, desires, interests, and attractions.
Think of asexuality as an umbrella term that describes people who identify as asexual, gray-asexual, and demisexual.
Gray-asexual means that a person experiences sexual attraction, but either not very often or only to a minimal extent.
Demisexual describes a person who only feels sexual attraction to people with whom a close emotional bond has been formed.
"
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So Asexuals have no interest in sex at all?"
Not always no interest, it's a spectrum like everything else.
My partner is starting to question whether he's asexual and I think he is. He is interested in sex sometimes, but has a very low sex drive and doesn't miss sex if he's not having it. |
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I'm confused now.
Is the dictionary definition of asexual incorrect? Or is the term asexual used to describe someone who has no sexual desire at all, like asymmetrical is used to describe something with no symmetry? I understand that the other terms used. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Honestly completely jealous of anyone asexual. I hate having a sex drive. My partner has almost no drive at all, the frustration just makes me worry and think she hates me. If I could never want sex again, I would. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm confused now.
Is the dictionary definition of asexual incorrect? Or is the term asexual used to describe someone who has no sexual desire at all, like asymmetrical is used to describe something with no symmetry? I understand that the other terms used."
asexuality.org is useful.
Asexuals.. generally very different from one another: some experience romantic attraction, some don't. Some experience arousal, some don't.
Asexuality is not celibacy - celibacy is a choice to abstain from sexual intimacy while asexuality is an orientation which results in lack of sexual attraction.
Demi and gray asexual definitions above in my earlier post. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't want to offend anyone who is but I don't believe in 'Asexuality' to me some people just find admitting what turns them on. So they chose to say nothing does. We all get those dirty thoughts in our head it is just admitting what or who they are about.
My mum thinks my lesbian niece is just "going through a phase".
Both you and she could be right but I beg to differ.
Well that is very different. I'm actually saying it is biologically impossible to not be turned on, or aroused by certain things. whether that is guys, girls, t-girls, anal, tits, whatever.
I have known a couple of guys who claimed to be Asexual when younger but later turned out to be gay, it was just another way of denying it."
You are wrong.
And its people like you that make it harder for asexual people to be taken seriously. |
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"I'm confused now.
Is the dictionary definition of asexual incorrect? Or is the term asexual used to describe someone who has no sexual desire at all, like asymmetrical is used to describe something with no symmetry? I understand that the other terms used.
asexuality.org is useful.
Asexuals.. generally very different from one another: some experience romantic attraction, some don't. Some experience arousal, some don't.
Asexuality is not celibacy - celibacy is a choice to abstain from sexual intimacy while asexuality is an orientation which results in lack of sexual attraction.
Demi and gray asexual definitions above in my earlier post. "
Thank you. I understand that sexuality isn't celibacy but I've been using the term asexual to describe someone with a complete absence of desire e.g. my former colleague. Am I wrong, should I be qualifying it?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm confused now.
Is the dictionary definition of asexual incorrect? Or is the term asexual used to describe someone who has no sexual desire at all, like asymmetrical is used to describe something with no symmetry? I understand that the other terms used.
asexuality.org is useful.
Asexuals.. generally very different from one another: some experience romantic attraction, some don't. Some experience arousal, some don't.
Asexuality is not celibacy - celibacy is a choice to abstain from sexual intimacy while asexuality is an orientation which results in lack of sexual attraction.
Demi and gray asexual definitions above in my earlier post.
Thank you. I understand that sexuality isn't celibacy but I've been using the term asexual to describe someone with a complete absence of desire e.g. my former colleague. Am I wrong, should I be qualifying it? "
Perhaps if looking for a strict definition you may be correct. At present situation though the idea of who is asexual has expanded to include many people who feel their sexual expression does not align with the general societal expectations/directives, because of their low or no interest in sex and/or romance. If you look at the AVEN site linked above you'll see that for many the asexuality label is a refuge from a world that simply cannot relate (cf. people's incredulous reactions on this thread).
It may make more sense if you consider that our appetite for sex&romance is not only governed by bodily urges but also by our psychological makeup; eg. people who are inclined to have sex bodily may not feel the need or desire to share this with others, or act on it at all. |
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By *ybtMan
over a year ago
Derby |
"I don't want to offend anyone who is but I don't believe in 'Asexuality' to me some people just find admitting what turns them on. So they chose to say nothing does. We all get those dirty thoughts in our head it is just admitting what or who they are about.
My mum thinks my lesbian niece is just "going through a phase".
Both you and she could be right but I beg to differ.
Well that is very different. I'm actually saying it is biologically impossible to not be turned on, or aroused by certain things. whether that is guys, girls, t-girls, anal, tits, whatever.
I have known a couple of guys who claimed to be Asexual when younger but later turned out to be gay, it was just another way of denying it.
You are wrong.
And its people like you that make it harder for asexual people to be taken seriously."
It cant be proved either way so you cant just state I am wrong, that is much more closed minded than me believing one way but acknowledging that is my belief not fact.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't want to offend anyone who is but I don't believe in 'Asexuality' to me some people just find admitting what turns them on. So they chose to say nothing does. We all get those dirty thoughts in our head it is just admitting what or who they are about.
My mum thinks my lesbian niece is just "going through a phase".
Both you and she could be right but I beg to differ.
Well that is very different. I'm actually saying it is biologically impossible to not be turned on, or aroused by certain things. whether that is guys, girls, t-girls, anal, tits, whatever.
I have known a couple of guys who claimed to be Asexual when younger but later turned out to be gay, it was just another way of denying it.
You are wrong.
And its people like you that make it harder for asexual people to be taken seriously.
It cant be proved either way so you cant just state I am wrong, that is much more closed minded than me believing one way but acknowledging that is my belief not fact.
"
Your observations and beliefs sounded pretty conclusive. If you really believe this is subjective and can't be "proved", listen to others' experience and accept they may be different to yours. |
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