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Should be an eas decision??????
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Advice ppl,
I have recently found out my friend has terminal cancer, she has a child of 2 and has asked if I would have said child when she has passed, father not on scene, her family don't bother too much, my heart says yes but my children have nearly all grown up, I have a amazing job that I love and wouldn't be able to do it if I was to take the child on, not sure if I want to rise a child again. What are ppls thoughts??? |
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"Christ, that is a tough one. Has she made a will? I have one where I stipulate who I wish my children to go to should the unthinkable happen.
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She did one years ago before child was born, it needs to be updated, which is why she has asked me if I would take the child in |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If your gut tells you that you don't want to do it then I think you need to be honest with her so she can find someone that does want to do it and so she feels secure knowing that she has someone to look after the child forever, and so you are not in the position of having to put the child into care or just resenting it forever if it's not what you want to do.
I'm very tempted to offer to help.
Such a sad situation xxx
Ruby |
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"That's the mother of all dilemmas, as it will surely also affect your fab world and swinging..... Good luck on this decision and I'm sure you'll do what you think is best  "
I couldn't give too hoots about fab or swinging I'd happily do without, it would affect my job, my home (I'd need a bigger one) and also my own family
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"I wonder OP. You say the father isn't on the scene. Maybe he could / would like to be?
I think it's a big ask of you really, if it would change your life so drastically  "
Putting it bluntly he's married with family of his own and disowned his child before they was born |
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OP, the only thing I can say is the title of your post is so way off. It isn't an easy decision at all. You have been landed with a massive personal predicament.
The decision will occupy your next 16 years+ and the life of the child too. It could be great or awful for either or both of you.
Good luck. Do what's right for you and the child. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Very hard decision to make. Depends how close a friend she is. I have 3 god daughters and would take them at a minutes notice because I signed up for that. You need to do whats in your heart. If you can't say immediately yes you would take the child I'd say dnt do it for your sake. Your family and the child. Good luck OP |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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That's a massive ask but I've dealt with it from the other side of the equation when deciding who to put as guardian in my will and it says a lot about you that they've asked. It's a big decision of who to choose.
I know it would be a potentially awkward conversation but if the financial and practical side are holding you back maybe let them know your concerns. They might then tell you the will provides for x or y and that even if you did have to move there would be funds in place.
I wish you lots of luck whatever you decide! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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 i don't know what to suggest but snakes alive what an awful situation for her to be in (and you). Can she speak to her GP about it.
I don't know how social services get involved but maybe just a chat to see what the alternatives could be?
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
"Christ, that is a tough one. Has she made a will? I have one where I stipulate who I wish my children to go to should the unthinkable happen.
She did one years ago before child was born, it needs to be updated, which is why she has asked me if I would take the child in"
People often forget important updates.
It's definitely not an easy decision. What are your friends other options? You have to be honest with yourself and your friend. Not sure what I would do, it obviously depends on loads of different factors. Your friends daughter is very young. It would affect you for years  Tough x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What a horrible situation for you, your friend, and the child. 
I think you really need to listen to your heart on this one OP - if it says no to taking her, what about discussing private adoption with your friend and suggest her finding an agency and a couple (or single) currently looking to adopt, so that they could actually start the process now while your friend is still here, and slowly begin the transition and bonding with the little one.
Gawd. What a sad sad situation. |
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Ohh Lord that is a difficult one. Im not sure legally you can just take a child I am sure there is much paperwork to go through.
I have read where best friends have done this taken on multiple children after parents have passed but it is a huge commitment. One that has to be discussed with your family and partner as I guess it would have to be an adoption.
Her family may appear not to want the child but the fathers family may well want to know and make a decission.
It will be very hard for you starting again. What about work? you might just be ready to get into the work place again.
Your children may be very resentful as may your partner.
To be fair a two year old stands a very high chance of being adopted into a very happy home by someone who really wants a child with no conditions.
You are obviously very unsure (I dont blame you) and it wouldnt be fair on the child if you couldnt love them unconditionally and support them throughout life exactly as you would your own.
If you dont have a partner imagine when the older kids go to dad or grandparents you will not be free as you still have the baby to deal with. So weekends holiday trips etc will be very awkward
Bless you what an awful position to be in. Lets us know what you decide. (make sure it is all done legally )
xx |
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By *W ChapMan
over a year ago
Swindon |
If the situation was reversed you'd want your child to go somewhere where you know it would be loved and raised in a loving home.
If it was me, I would at a blink of an eye....but it's not me so all the best....x |
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"Advice ppl,
I have recently found out my friend has terminal cancer, she has a child of 2 and has asked if I would have said child when she has passed, father not on scene, her family don't bother too much, my heart says yes but my children have nearly all grown up, I have a amazing job that I love and wouldn't be able to do it if I was to take the child on, not sure if I want to rise a child again. What are ppls thoughts???"
it's not like your looking after her cat! social services will have to check your suitability to be the child's legal guardian and I'm sure they will be able to offer advice and counselling on the matter
good luck with whatever the outcome |
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You need a third party to help all of you through this.
Social Services can help, she may also need to look at the legalities of it too, it will be complicated.
If you have doubts, don't do it. If the child knows you well, you could always offer to be in their life as a link to its mother but if your gut is telling you no, don't do it. |
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I suppose at 2 years old it is also young enough for the child to start completely afresh with new parents without knowing much different?
I'm sure there are prospective adoptive parents screaming out for the opportunity. Surely that would be better , if you have concerns? |
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There is also the care of the child before your friend passes. Sorry to be blunt, but I've gone through my husband passing with a terminal illness. With him it was a steady decline over ten months and for nearly 7 he was not really mobile.
I'm assuming the person who does take on the care afterwards, would be very involved beforehand. Eg taking child to hospice and coping with a very difficult situation of the parent passing.
I've struggled / still struggling with my own daughter.
Don't mean to be blunt, but this could be a reality |
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"I suppose at 2 years old it is also young enough for the child to start completely afresh with new parents without knowing much different?
I'm sure there are prospective adoptive parents screaming out for the opportunity. Surely that would be better , if you have concerns?"
 There will be plenty of young couples that will be prepared to adopt a 2 year old who can't have their own children. |
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God, that's an awful situation to be in. I really feel for you, your friend and said child.
Your friend probably feels completely trapped at the moment. It's such a shame that Dad didn't want to know, but would he listen out now? And when you say family "don't bother much", is she certain they wouldn't care for them?
You do have to be a little selfish here, I suppose, and if you're not in a position to care for this child, I think you need to be honest.
Even if she could somehow provide funds for a bigger house, childcare and upkeep, etc, there's no point taking on a child you don't want to care for. It simply wouldn't be fair on them.
2 year olds with no health issues should have no problem being taken on by a loving family via adoption - they may also stand a better chance of happiness being with people who desperately wanted them as opposed to her family, the kid's Dad, etc who may see them as a burden. |
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