FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Genuine Dominants
Genuine Dominants
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Ok, I understand there's sites for this type of thing, but as I'm only ever on my phone I can't seem to use them properly.
Anyway, it's so difficult to find a match whether this site or others. Just saying  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We agree!
You can dominate somebody without causing any pain whatsoever. It's a fine art.
Try finding a switch! A man who has been a sub as well, will be a better dom. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"By genuine dominants OP, you just mean any regular bloke that'll be given the chance to shag or what?"
No. I mean someone who knows what he's doing. Someone who will stimulate every part of me. Someone worthy of my submission. |
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By *arlock69Man
over a year ago
Batley... (near Leeds) |
"You won't find many Doms on here who aren't 50 shades of shit Doms...Try f3tl1f3.
Most of the fakes have heard of that place too. "
Yeah sadly the fakes get on to every free site...they do give us genuine Doms a bad name too |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Get yourself to a munch, befriend some local subs, they will know if a man is a genuine Dom. There are some on here but as on fet you might not be compatible. Knowing your limits as well helps with your search for a suitable Dom x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think it is for the sub to be clear what they want. Vague comments such as worthy of my submission do not help in a search. Nor do comments putting down other dominants. In my view there is no true way only a match of personal preferences.
Have you done a bdsm personality test? What are the specifics that you require. See it as cv against which a dominant has to reply. We are grown ups and need proper consent so the more detail of your requirements the better. In a preplay negotiation these matters should be covered so do it upfront and before then. Attend local munches or events in a neutral capacity to meet people in a social setting and to see what other people do. That is the advice I have seen dommes giving male subs. Any confident male dom is not desperate for a sub but will understand the need to meet the sub's preferences. Good luck |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think it is for the sub to be clear what they want. Vague comments such as worthy of my submission do not help in a search. Nor do comments putting down other dominants. In my view there is no true way only a match of personal preferences.
Have you done a bdsm personality test? What are the specifics that you require. See it as cv against which a dominant has to reply. We are grown ups and need proper consent so the more detail of your requirements the better. In a preplay negotiation these matters should be covered so do it upfront and before then. Attend local munches or events in a neutral capacity to meet people in a social setting and to see what other people do. That is the advice I have seen dommes giving male subs. Any confident male dom is not desperate for a sub but will understand the need to meet the sub's preferences. Good luck "
I was owned for four years. I know exactly what I'm looking for. And can spot a 'wanna be' a mile off. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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And also in my humble opinion a 'dom's' job is to serve his sub... to give her what she needs. That might not necessarily be what she wants, but a dom will know the difference.
Respect and trust are the two most important things, if you have those two things the possibilities are endless.
Most folk are just borderline abusive, at best, and at worst, just dangerous. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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That pathetic trash 50 shades has just encouraged wannabes to crawl out and pretend something there not
My profile on said site is not visible anymore, just a waste of time keeping a check on it now |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Anyone can say I'm a genuine Dominant just as anyone can say I'm a genuine submissive. To my mind the proof is in the pudding - as in during your initial interactions online and then if you take it to the next level and it's a search that can't be rushed. |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
•+• Access Denied •+• |
i considered myself a caring dominant. well into sadism but don't wanna mess you up with that.
i just gave up looking for anything really. it's all gonna find it's way to me and just happen, without being labelled. that's how it worked before the internet anyway. |
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Unfortunately, I'm (just) outside your age limit - sexybrunette's too  or I would've got in touch.
From my point of view - finding suitable genuine submissives can be just as tricky.
Angiebu offers good advice regarding attending munches; however you may wish to give the site that mentions "collar" and "space" a try.
You may wish to check out my story in the "Stories and Fantasies" section.
https://www.fabswingers.com/forum/stories/618486
Good luck finding what you seek. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i considered myself a caring dominant. well into sadism but don't wanna mess you up with that.
i just gave up looking for anything really. it's all gonna find it's way to me and just happen, without being labelled. that's how it worked before the internet anyway."
That is true, the thing that has made it so much more difficult to get the two sides of the coin in touch with each other, is the assumptions made by anyone, of either sex, that its a bit of a laugh lets have a dabble at it
Some genuinely subs I've spoken to tell stories of amateurs with shocking ideas and perception of the whole bdsm scene |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Genuine assertive males don't need to announce themselves you just know you are in their presence, they just have that certain something  "
Yes this. I know when I see it (him) That sexy confidence |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes this. I know when I see it (him) That sexy confidence "
An assertive, confident, alpha-male could be sexually submissive though.
Many men are often like this. They control every aspect of their lives, but seek submission in bed.
If you could make the mental leap of becoming a domme, you could perhaps grow as a person and find sexual satisfaction in new and interesting ways  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Yes this. I know when I see it (him) That sexy confidence
An assertive, confident, alpha-male could be sexually submissive though.
Many men are often like this. They control every aspect of their lives, but seek submission in bed.
If you could make the mental leap of becoming a domme, you could perhaps grow as a person and find sexual satisfaction in new and interesting ways "
I've tried that, does nothing for me. Didn't even get wet |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
•+• Access Denied •+• |
"i considered myself a caring dominant. well into sadism but don't wanna mess you up with that.
i just gave up looking for anything really. it's all gonna find it's way to me and just happen, without being labelled. that's how it worked before the internet anyway.
That is true, the thing that has made it so much more difficult to get the two sides of the coin in touch with each other, is the assumptions made by anyone, of either sex, that its a bit of a laugh lets have a dabble at it
Some genuinely subs I've spoken to tell stories of amateurs with shocking ideas and perception of the whole bdsm scene "
yeah, i think the labels bring about assumptions and this is partially why it's pointless looking.
i won't click with all genuine subs, in fact most sub guys i do not click with. there's been a couple of them that i have done and we never discussed BDSM before meeting even. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That pathetic trash 50 shades has just encouraged wannabes to crawl out and pretend something there not
My profile on said site is not visible anymore, just a waste of time keeping a check on it now "
Yes it's become very fashionable in the swinging and Ds community to bitch about that book. In fact it's caused more vitriol and snootiness than any other averagely to poorly written book on the market. I guess fact that that book had a profound effect on me and was the starting point for my journey, automatically brands me as only a 'wannerbe sub', not one to be taken seriously by 'real' Doms and submissives.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm a believer in what I call 'D/s chemistry'. I don't look for a Dom, I look for the connection. There have been men that I given me the intense desire to submit to them, but their knowledge of D/s has been variable. Sadly it can be devastating if they do t know what they are doing. But when I pursued those who do know what they are doing there often isn't the chemistry there. But if there is that powerful connection where there is a desire to dominate and submit, then there is scope for an inexperienced Dom to learn if they want to. IMO.
Mrs |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"That pathetic trash 50 shades has just encouraged wannabes to crawl out and pretend something there not
My profile on said site is not visible anymore, just a waste of time keeping a check on it now
Yes it's become very fashionable in the swinging and Ds community to bitch about that book. In fact it's caused more vitriol and snootiness than any other averagely to poorly written book on the market. I guess fact that that book had a profound effect on me and was the starting point for my journey, automatically brands me as only a 'wannerbe sub', not one to be taken seriously by 'real' Doms and submissives.
Mrs"
I think the bitching is justified if it's angled at how abuse masquerades as a D/s relationship. The book is great in terms of how it has encouraged people to begin exploring the community - the downside is that it has encouraged a belief that not following hard limits is acceptable and to be a Dom you don't have to worry about consent. That's part of where the vitriol comes from; consent is a key part. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Get yourself to a munch, befriend some local subs, they will know if a man is a genuine Dom. There are some on here but as on fet you might not be compatible. Knowing your limits as well helps with your search for a suitable Dom x "
The problem with munches is they always seem to be on mid-week evenings. Sigh |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"That pathetic trash 50 shades has just encouraged wannabes to crawl out and pretend something there not
My profile on said site is not visible anymore, just a waste of time keeping a check on it now
Yes it's become very fashionable in the swinging and Ds community to bitch about that book. In fact it's caused more vitriol and snootiness than any other averagely to poorly written book on the market. I guess fact that that book had a profound effect on me and was the starting point for my journey, automatically brands me as only a 'wannerbe sub', not one to be taken seriously by 'real' Doms and submissives.
Mrs
I think the bitching is justified if it's angled at how abuse masquerades as a D/s relationship. The book is great in terms of how it has encouraged people to begin exploring the community - the downside is that it has encouraged a belief that not following hard limits is acceptable and to be a Dom you don't have to worry about consent. That's part of where the vitriol comes from; consent is a key part."
So much this |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"That pathetic trash 50 shades has just encouraged wannabes to crawl out and pretend something there not
My profile on said site is not visible anymore, just a waste of time keeping a check on it now
Yes it's become very fashionable in the swinging and Ds community to bitch about that book. In fact it's caused more vitriol and snootiness than any other averagely to poorly written book on the market. I guess fact that that book had a profound effect on me and was the starting point for my journey, automatically brands me as only a 'wannerbe sub', not one to be taken seriously by 'real' Doms and submissives.
Mrs
I think the bitching is justified if it's angled at how abuse masquerades as a D/s relationship. The book is great in terms of how it has encouraged people to begin exploring the community - the downside is that it has encouraged a belief that not following hard limits is acceptable and to be a Dom you don't have to worry about consent. That's part of where the vitriol comes from; consent is a key part."
I didn't interpret the book in that way. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"That pathetic trash 50 shades has just encouraged wannabes to crawl out and pretend something there not
My profile on said site is not visible anymore, just a waste of time keeping a check on it now
Yes it's become very fashionable in the swinging and Ds community to bitch about that book. In fact it's caused more vitriol and snootiness than any other averagely to poorly written book on the market. I guess fact that that book had a profound effect on me and was the starting point for my journey, automatically brands me as only a 'wannerbe sub', not one to be taken seriously by 'real' Doms and submissives.
Mrs"
Not at all, i wouldn't be so presumptious as to pass comment on you without any personal knowledge of you or your situation
However, as 50 shades has been championed by everyone from tv presenters to book clubs,the fact that its been labelled 'mummy porn'and is strewn openly across numerous coffee tables would indicate to me it's not bdsm on the edge |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"That pathetic trash 50 shades has just encouraged wannabes to crawl out and pretend something there not
My profile on said site is not visible anymore, just a waste of time keeping a check on it now
Yes it's become very fashionable in the swinging and Ds community to bitch about that book. In fact it's caused more vitriol and snootiness than any other averagely to poorly written book on the market. I guess fact that that book had a profound effect on me and was the starting point for my journey, automatically brands me as only a 'wannerbe sub', not one to be taken seriously by 'real' Doms and submissives.
Mrs
Not at all, i wouldn't be so presumptious as to pass comment on you without any personal knowledge of you or your situation
However, as 50 shades has been championed by everyone from tv presenters to book clubs,the fact that its been labelled 'mummy porn'and is strewn openly across numerous coffee tables would indicate to me it's not bdsm on the edge "
That's all true, but as someone who took a lot away from the first book, I often feel it's something I should keep to myself in the swinging and D/s community, because people will be snooty towards me. And that's a shame. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"That pathetic trash 50 shades has just encouraged wannabes to crawl out and pretend something there not
My profile on said site is not visible anymore, just a waste of time keeping a check on it now
Yes it's become very fashionable in the swinging and Ds community to bitch about that book. In fact it's caused more vitriol and snootiness than any other averagely to poorly written book on the market. I guess fact that that book had a profound effect on me and was the starting point for my journey, automatically brands me as only a 'wannerbe sub', not one to be taken seriously by 'real' Doms and submissives.
Mrs
Not at all, i wouldn't be so presumptious as to pass comment on you without any personal knowledge of you or your situation
However, as 50 shades has been championed by everyone from tv presenters to book clubs,the fact that its been labelled 'mummy porn'and is strewn openly across numerous coffee tables would indicate to me it's not bdsm on the edge
That's all true, but as someone who took a lot away from the first book, I often feel it's something I should keep to myself in the swinging and D/s community, because people will be snooty towards me. And that's a shame. "
We find our inspiration somewhere and grow from there. I found mine in an episode of Doctor Who when I was quite a lot younger. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"I didn't interpret the book in that way. "
Obviously people interpret text in a number of ways but there are a few key scenes in which consent is woefully forgotten.
“I haven’t signed,” I whisper.
“I told you what I’d do. I’m a man of my word. I’m going to spank you, and then I’m going to fuck you very quick and very hard.”
Anastasia in the above text hadn't agreed yet Christian continues. She later goes on to say
"Should I run? This is it; our relationship hangs in the balance, right here... Do I let him do this or do I say no, and then that’s it?"
In subsequent paragraphs she cries. She even says she wants him to stop. Yeah, consent is strong in that Mr Grey - she hasn't signed a contract, she expresses earlier how she isn't happy with it but he continues. The lack of consent given but the entrapment that occurs (she wants a relationship quite badly with him) goes against how BDSM is widely practised.
Anyways, seeing as the thread isn't look at textual analysis of popular literature I'll stop there. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I didn't interpret the book in that way.
Obviously people interpret text in a number of ways but there are a few key scenes in which consent is woefully forgotten.
“I haven’t signed,” I whisper.
“I told you what I’d do. I’m a man of my word. I’m going to spank you, and then I’m going to fuck you very quick and very hard.”
Anastasia in the above text hadn't agreed yet Christian continues. She later goes on to say
"Should I run? This is it; our relationship hangs in the balance, right here... Do I let him do this or do I say no, and then that’s it?"
In subsequent paragraphs she cries. She even says she wants him to stop. Yeah, consent is strong in that Mr Grey - she hasn't signed a contract, she expresses earlier how she isn't happy with it but he continues. The lack of consent given but the entrapment that occurs (she wants a relationship quite badly with him) goes against how BDSM is widely practised.
Anyways, seeing as the thread isn't look at textual analysis of popular literature I'll stop there. "
Yes the book did indeed show how D/s can so easily go wrong. But I would expect it to demonstrate that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"That pathetic trash 50 shades has just encouraged wannabes to crawl out and pretend something there not
My profile on said site is not visible anymore, just a waste of time keeping a check on it now
Yes it's become very fashionable in the swinging and Ds community to bitch about that book. In fact it's caused more vitriol and snootiness than any other averagely to poorly written book on the market. I guess fact that that book had a profound effect on me and was the starting point for my journey, automatically brands me as only a 'wannerbe sub', not one to be taken seriously by 'real' Doms and submissives.
Mrs
Not at all, i wouldn't be so presumptious as to pass comment on you without any personal knowledge of you or your situation
However, as 50 shades has been championed by everyone from tv presenters to book clubs,the fact that its been labelled 'mummy porn'and is strewn openly across numerous coffee tables would indicate to me it's not bdsm on the edge
That's all true, but as someone who took a lot away from the first book, I often feel it's something I should keep to myself in the swinging and D/s community, because people will be snooty towards me. And that's a shame. "
I wouldn't be so unpleasant as to be snooty to you, its not my nature with anyone |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I crave so much of what I had with my ex Master. But certain things would need to be different with a new relationship. Some will say this is topping from the bottom, I say I can not and will not submit until it feels just right. Of course I could pretend, but that's pointless. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
No. I mean someone who knows what he's doing. Someone who will stimulate every part of me. Someone worthy of my submission. "
So you've been "owned" for 4 years yet you come out with something as generic as that and then complain about being "matched"...?
Do you subjectively believe that's going to engage a Dom?..I mean a legit one?..
You're out of your mind.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok, I understand there's sites for this type of thing, but as I'm only ever on my phone I can't seem to use them properly.
Anyway, it's so difficult to find a match whether this site or others. Just saying "
Couldn't agree more. Very frustating.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I crave so much of what I had with my ex Master. But certain things would need to be different with a new relationship. Some will say this is topping from the bottom, I say I can not and will not submit until it feels just right. Of course I could pretend, but that's pointless. "
You would be totally unfulfilled if you knew it wasn't going to the same as before i think |
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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago
in the eye of the storm |
"I crave so much of what I had with my ex Master. But certain things would need to be different with a new relationship. Some will say this is topping from the bottom, I say I can not and will not submit until it feels just right. Of course I could pretend, but that's pointless. "
that's not topping from the bottom at all you have the right not to be rushed and that goes for both a top and a bottom . |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
No. I mean someone who knows what he's doing. Someone who will stimulate every part of me. Someone worthy of my submission.
So you've been "owned" for 4 years yet you come out with something as generic as that and then complain about being "matched"...?
Do you subjectively believe that's going to engage a Dom?..I mean a legit one?..
You're out of your mind.
"
Not at all. I can't work to my full potential unless I'm craving to. To give I need to feel wanted, trusted and to thoroughly trust and want/need back.
Friends before anything. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I crave so much of what I had with my ex Master. But certain things would need to be different with a new relationship. Some will say this is topping from the bottom, I say I can not and will not submit until it feels just right. Of course I could pretend, but that's pointless.
You would be totally unfulfilled if you knew it wasn't going to the same as before i think "
It's never the same. No relationship is, I'll just know if I can or can't submit after a lot of correspondence |
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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago
in the eye of the storm |
"
No. I mean someone who knows what he's doing. Someone who will stimulate every part of me. Someone worthy of my submission.
So you've been "owned" for 4 years yet you come out with something as generic as that and then complain about being "matched"...?
Do you subjectively believe that's going to engage a Dom?..I mean a legit one?..
You're out of your mind.
Not at all. I can't work to my full potential unless I'm craving to. To give I need to feel wanted, trusted and to thoroughly trust and want/need back.
Friends before anything. "
totally agree with this statement and still friends if ether of you decide to not take it to the next level. |
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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago
Bristol |
"Ok, I understand there's sites for this type of thing, but as I'm only ever on my phone I can't seem to use them properly.
Anyway, it's so difficult to find a match whether this site or others. Just saying "
I have had more luck on this site than on the well known other fetish one. Guy-wise the more Dom ones I have found are the ones who don't feel the need to bandy it around anywhere on their profile; it has instead come up naturally a few messages in and during potential pre-meet discussions where the fit has been right. I don't always play that way for every meet but I haven't struggled to find like-minded people that do on here in a way that is right for me and them. Just takes time. So don't give up. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Ok, I understand there's sites for this type of thing, but as I'm only ever on my phone I can't seem to use them properly.
Anyway, it's so difficult to find a match whether this site or others. Just saying
I have had more luck on this site than on the well known other fetish one. Guy-wise the more Dom ones I have found are the ones who don't feel the need to bandy it around anywhere on their profile; it has instead come up naturally a few messages in and during potential pre-meet discussions where the fit has been right. I don't always play that way for every meet but I haven't struggled to find like-minded people that do on here in a way that is right for me and them. Just takes time. So don't give up."
I'm not looking to play submissive with randoms, I need just the one guy. One who I can trust fully. One who will take responsibility seriously. One who will spend time getting to know my needs and deny me of my cravings... for a while |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I crave so much of what I had with my ex Master. But certain things would need to be different with a new relationship. Some will say this is topping from the bottom, I say I can not and will not submit until it feels just right. Of course I could pretend, but that's pointless.
You would be totally unfulfilled if you knew it wasn't going to the same as before i think
It's never the same. No relationship is, I'll just know if I can or can't submit after a lot of correspondence "
The first relationship is usually the benchmark for anything that comes later, hopefully you can improve on it and that will be the basis to move on successfuly
Try not to make comparisons with what has gone before and think of this as your first experience of the dom/sub dynamic |
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"I think it is for the sub to be clear what they want. Vague comments such as worthy of my submission do not help in a search. Nor do comments putting down other dominants. In my view there is no true way only a match of personal preferences.
Have you done a bdsm personality test? What are the specifics that you require. See it as cv against which a dominant has to reply. We are grown ups and need proper consent so the more detail of your requirements the better. In a preplay negotiation these matters should be covered so do it upfront and before then. Attend local munches or events in a neutral capacity to meet people in a social setting and to see what other people do. That is the advice I have seen dommes giving male subs. Any confident male dom is not desperate for a sub but will understand the need to meet the sub's preferences. Good luck "
Agree 100% |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Guy-wise the more Dom ones I have found are the ones who don't feel the need to bandy it around anywhere on their profile; it has instead come up naturally a few messages in and during potential pre-meet discussions where the fit has been right. "
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Ok, I understand there's sites for this type of thing, but as I'm only ever on my phone I can't seem to use them properly.
Anyway, it's so difficult to find a match whether this site or others. Just saying
I have had more luck on this site than on the well known other fetish one. Guy-wise the more Dom ones I have found are the ones who don't feel the need to bandy it around anywhere on their profile; it has instead come up naturally a few messages in and during potential pre-meet discussions where the fit has been right. I don't always play that way for every meet but I haven't struggled to find like-minded people that do on here in a way that is right for me and them. Just takes time. So don't give up."
It always amuses me the one that women are treated differently from men. By the logic in your view any woman that mentions her dominant nature in her profile or has it in their profile name is not truly dominant, or does that only apply to men?
Where I agree with you is that is a question of whether there is a fit through personal connection.
I agree with the commentator above just because a person is suave and confident in daily life does not make them a good bdsm dom. They could be a psychopath or a sub in a bdsm relationship or a plain abuser. All these are fine if that is what you are looking for but the stereotype has to give way to a personal relationship. One of the best doms I have met is one of the most unremarkable men to look at but I had the luck to see him and his sub interrelate on a number of levels and he was very skilled and she was very happy. |
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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago
Bristol |
"Ok, I understand there's sites for this type of thing, but as I'm only ever on my phone I can't seem to use them properly.
Anyway, it's so difficult to find a match whether this site or others. Just saying
I have had more luck on this site than on the well known other fetish one. Guy-wise the more Dom ones I have found are the ones who don't feel the need to bandy it around anywhere on their profile; it has instead come up naturally a few messages in and during potential pre-meet discussions where the fit has been right. I don't always play that way for every meet but I haven't struggled to find like-minded people that do on here in a way that is right for me and them. Just takes time. So don't give up.
It always amuses me the one that women are treated differently from men. By the logic in your view any woman that mentions her dominant nature in her profile or has it in their profile name is not truly dominant, or does that only apply to men?
Where I agree with you is that is a question of whether there is a fit through personal connection.
I agree with the commentator above just because a person is suave and confident in daily life does not make them a good bdsm dom. They could be a psychopath or a sub in a bdsm relationship or a plain abuser. All these are fine if that is what you are looking for but the stereotype has to give way to a personal relationship. One of the best doms I have met is one of the most unremarkable men to look at but I had the luck to see him and his sub interrelate on a number of levels and he was very skilled and she was very happy."
No, just in my personal experience (not being one to be dommed by randoms) the Domme women have said so on their profiles. The Dom men haven't. But it is a very small sample to draw on. |
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