FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > All by myself?

All by myself?

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I'd say that the feeling of being unremarkable is tied to loneliness by the fear of rejection. When I feel unremarkable I don't have the interest nor confidence in meeting people because I feel like I have nothing to offer to them and therefore they might reject my presence, which leaves me lonely. Loneliness genuinely hurts, I don't think it's a masquerade. We are biologically made to be social beings. We are all attention-seekers. We all need attention to fulfill this biological necessity to be and feel present; to verify that we're really here; that we matter; that we are remarkable in some way. And if we understand how necessary and empowering attention is for a human being, we should feel empowered to realize we can also be a source that gives it." (Vice)

I know I'm guilty of using this site to counter negative beliefs through attention-seeking, and it works although I'm conscious there is a simultaneous carving of deeper self-doubt. It's often a tightrope walk, but then I am prone to overthinking. Probably just need some sex, eh?!

How often, if at all, do you feel lonely? Would having a primary partner (if you don't already) assist in countering loneliness or do you not look to another to fill a loneliness void? If you're in a relationship, do you ever feel alone or experience deep loneliness even if the partnership is strong? If yes, why do you think this happens? Does self-doubt in your remarkability prevent you from making connections? Do you attention-seek?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yes I get this, and the strangest thing is you can feel the most lonely when you are surrounded by people because you feel so unremarkable, as though you aren't actually there or they don't see you.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think its why i always make friends with people i meet through here or elsewhere, i like being there to support people and in turn they support me

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Yes I get this, and the strangest thing is you can feel the most lonely when you are surrounded by people because you feel so unremarkable, as though you aren't actually there or they don't see you."

Yes, I relate to that massively.

And does it freeze your ability to make conversation too, like you regress into your head and wonder what you have to offer?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I think its why i always make friends with people i meet through here or elsewhere, i like being there to support people and in turn they support me"

Mutual support networks are so important.

Is there a danger that if we fully show our vulnerability we only be seen as 'weak' by those we show?

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By *gnitemybodyWoman over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

I am starting to feel pretty lonely,the need for a life partner by my side is getting incredibly strong. Finding that partner is hard though.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yes I get this, and the strangest thing is you can feel the most lonely when you are surrounded by people because you feel so unremarkable, as though you aren't actually there or they don't see you.

Yes, I relate to that massively.

And does it freeze your ability to make conversation too, like you regress into your head and wonder what you have to offer?

I can tell if I'm "on one" because I'll write replies on here then delete thinking no one wants to hear my opinion lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I am starting to feel pretty lonely,the need for a life partner by my side is getting incredibly strong. Finding that partner is hard though."

Yes. I feel somehow 'less' by acknowledging this, which seems ridiculous to my rational head, but there it is. Lickety summed it up the most beautifully, yet heart-wrenchingly, on a thread here when she expressed the desire to be actually loved rather than just be the loveable one.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Lonely but happy to chat to you nutters

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think its why i always make friends with people i meet through here or elsewhere, i like being there to support people and in turn they support me

Mutual support networks are so important.

Is there a danger that if we fully show our vulnerability we only be seen as 'weak' by those we show?

So what if im viewed as weak by someone, if they cant see the strength it requires to allow someone to see your vulnerability then they arent worth bothering with.

Ive always had a good support network of friends as i had a difficult childhood so needed friends

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Yes I get this, and the strangest thing is you can feel the most lonely when you are surrounded by people because you feel so unremarkable, as though you aren't actually there or they don't see you.

Yes, I relate to that massively.

And does it freeze your ability to make conversation too, like you regress into your head and wonder what you have to offer?

I can tell if I'm "on one" because I'll write replies on here then delete thinking no one wants to hear my opinion lol"

I'd always like to hear your opinion. But I do understand. Yes, sometimes it becomes scary to express an idea or thought because you feel it's so lacking in worth.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Lonely but happy to chat to you nutters

Using humour as a shield?

You're welcome to chat, anytime.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I love my own company but its intimacy i miss

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yes I get this, and the strangest thing is you can feel the most lonely when you are surrounded by people because you feel so unremarkable, as though you aren't actually there or they don't see you.

Yes, I relate to that massively.

And does it freeze your ability to make conversation too, like you regress into your head and wonder what you have to offer?

I can tell if I'm "on one" because I'll write replies on here then delete thinking no one wants to hear my opinion lol

I'd always like to hear your opinion. But I do understand. Yes, sometimes it becomes scary to express an idea or thought because you feel it's so lacking in worth. "

I agree with this, i tend to worry that what i have to say will be ignored or ridiculed but then i have the other part of me that goes ah well so what if they do

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I think its why i always make friends with people i meet through here or elsewhere, i like being there to support people and in turn they support me

Mutual support networks are so important.

Is there a danger that if we fully show our vulnerability we only be seen as 'weak' by those we show?

So what if im viewed as weak by someone, if they cant see the strength it requires to allow someone to see your vulnerability then they arent worth bothering with.

Ive always had a good support network of friends as i had a difficult childhood so needed friends"

Well said.

A close friend always reminds me of the quote:

"Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can survive."

Necessity can hone resilience or help you source the things you need.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I can totally relate to this. I'm actually trying to work out why I'm on this site at the moment, I definitely attention seek when I'm lonely and feeling down about myself, and the messages on here do help but they're just empty compliments and only talking to me to get in my knickers so after I then feel shit for seeking such attention so it's counter productive really

Yes sex is good but I like to have a connection first which then means I get close to that person and risk getting hurt so what's the actual point? It helps with short term loneliness but in the long term I feel even worse about myself. Maybe I need to just stick to nsa sex and move on to the next one. . .

I over think way too much. . Can you tell

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This reminds me of a quote I have planned to get tattood at some point.

"I feel lonely every single day, but I'm ashamed to admit that to those who love me"

Because I am so independent and have been from such a young age, I find relating and opening up to people when they offer help or anything impossible to accept. I believe I have to just get on with it, that the only person I can totally rely on is me, but I know that's not true.

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"I think its why i always make friends with people i meet through here or elsewhere, i like being there to support people and in turn they support me

Mutual support networks are so important.

Is there a danger that if we fully show our vulnerability we only be seen as 'weak' by those we show?

So what if im viewed as weak by someone, if they cant see the strength it requires to allow someone to see your vulnerability then they arent worth bothering with.

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By *gnitemybodyWoman over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"I am starting to feel pretty lonely,the need for a life partner by my side is getting incredibly strong. Finding that partner is hard though.

I don't feel less by acknowledging the fact I feel lonely at time's,or maybe I do actually as I don't shout it from the rooftops. Yeah you're probably right. I've more often than not throughout my life left lonely,I appreciate I don't do myself any favours at time's because I'm not the most sociable of people.

My need to be loved by someone that feel's the same way seems a distant dream,it feels like I'll never have that again.

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By *opsy RogersWoman over a year ago

London

I was going to say I never feel lonely but that's not strictly true.

I've been single for over 30 years, most of that as a single parent. I adore my own company and seek it out. I invite friends and lovers into my space when I choose and relish the time I spend with them. However, even among friends in other situations, I've always felt to be on the periphery and it leaves me feeling a tad lonely.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I never really feel lonely as such ?

Maybe some people would think that was odd?

But I'm quite happy alone and enjoy my own company etc.

But that doesn't mean I wouldn't enjoy someones company or a relationship?

I've just never felt Ive needed people in my life because I got lonely?

I have relationships with people because I enjoy being with that person.

Not because I'm or get lonely .

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Well said.

A close friend always reminds me of the quote:

"Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can survive."

Necessity can hone resilience or help you source the things you need.

Yeah exactly ive always had this ability to cut the negatives out of my life, probably why i enjoy acting if someone writes a bad review you look at it in a constructive way

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I love my own company but its intimacy i miss

Yes, I'm comfortable with alone time, definitely (I need it!), but it is connection/intimacy that brings that something extra. A journey-partner --- someone to do the adventure with

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don't tie sexual partners to my personal happiness.

I am happy and self-sufficient alone, and do not need a partner to prevent myself from feeling lonely.

How often do I feel lonely? Very rarely. I suspect I last felt lonely when I was living in a student house four years ago, discovered my housemate was dealing pot on our doorstep, and I couldn't really leave until the morning.

Other than that... nope...

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Yes I get this, and the strangest thing is you can feel the most lonely when you are surrounded by people because you feel so unremarkable, as though you aren't actually there or they don't see you.

Yes, I relate to that massively.

And does it freeze your ability to make conversation too, like you regress into your head and wonder what you have to offer?

I can tell if I'm "on one" because I'll write replies on here then delete thinking no one wants to hear my opinion lol

I'd always like to hear your opinion. But I do understand. Yes, sometimes it becomes scary to express an idea or thought because you feel it's so lacking in worth.

I agree with this, i tend to worry that what i have to say will be ignored or ridiculed but then i have the other part of me that goes ah well so what if they do"

I'm glad you did today

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I can totally relate to this. I'm actually trying to work out why I'm on this site at the moment, I definitely attention seek when I'm lonely and feeling down about myself, and the messages on here do help but they're just empty compliments and only talking to me to get in my knickers so after I then feel shit for seeking such attention so it's counter productive really

I over think way too much. . Can you tell

Theres nothing wrong with overthinking. I always do and it leads me to some conclusion that i can act upon. I think you are a very beautiful person and im not saying that to get into your knickers

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I over think way too much. . Can you tell

I'm with you, totally

You may overthink, but you articulate splendidly

It's a constant balance of knowing when the site helps, and when it doesn't.

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

I over think way too much. . Can you tell

Some choose this as a lifestyle but many more just use it as a stopgap. I think that's why the forum is popular with singles who'd rather not be single - it's just a bit of bodywarmth.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have momentary lapses into loneliness. It usually coincides with a sense that some of my needs aren't being met and I don't feel able at that moment to take action to resolve it. It never lasts very long as I'm getting pretty good now at recognising what is going on and getting better at trying to get what I really need, rather than a substitute gratification that leaves me feeling empty and lonely again. That said there are always constraints when it involves others so getting those needs met consistently is not always possible. Intimate (mutual vulnerability) communication is nearly always a key part of the solution.

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By *ancs MinxWoman over a year ago

Burnley

"I never really feel lonely as such ?

Maybe some people would think that was odd?

But I'm quite happy alone and enjoy my own company etc.

But that doesn't mean I wouldn't enjoy someones company or a relationship?

I've just never felt Ive needed people in my life because I got lonely?

I have relationships with people because I enjoy being with that person.

Not because I'm or get lonely .

Well said

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don't feel lonely in the slightest, its a state of mind. Get out there, head held high and meet new people, always smile and show yourself in the best light possible. Talk positive, never negative, be bright and bubbly. And watch people gravitate to you.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yes I get this, and the strangest thing is you can feel the most lonely when you are surrounded by people because you feel so unremarkable, as though you aren't actually there or they don't see you.

Yes, I relate to that massively.

And does it freeze your ability to make conversation too, like you regress into your head and wonder what you have to offer?

I can tell if I'm "on one" because I'll write replies on here then delete thinking no one wants to hear my opinion lol

I'd always like to hear your opinion. But I do understand. Yes, sometimes it becomes scary to express an idea or thought because you feel it's so lacking in worth.

I agree with this, i tend to worry that what i have to say will be ignored or ridiculed but then i have the other part of me that goes ah well so what if they do

I'm glad you did today

Its what i do, i may only be young but i have a very mature head on these shoulders. So if anyone ever needs cheering up shoulder to cry on for hire lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"This reminds me of a quote I have planned to get tattood at some point.

"I feel lonely every single day, but I'm ashamed to admit that to those who love me"

I'd like to give you a virtual hug. That's a powerful quote and remember to invert it -- if that was someone you loved feeling that you'd want them to lean on you.

I think true connection is in that space where two people both lean in and require the other to keep the balance steady.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I am starting to feel pretty lonely,the need for a life partner by my side is getting incredibly strong. Finding that partner is hard though.

My need to be loved by someone that feel's the same way seems a distant dream,it feels like I'll never have that again."

Why do you think you're 'not the most sociable'?

And yes, that distant dream -- I visualise it similarly to being in a hot country when you look at the horizon and it's got that fuzzy/blurry heat haze. Almost in focus, you have a sense of what it might look like but not clearly, and it's a long way away.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Lonely but happy to chat to you nutters

Using humour as a shield?

You're welcome to chat, anytime.

Yeah it's my worse trait

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I was going to say I never feel lonely but that's not strictly true.

Yes that outer peripheral dwelling place! Do you think your child/children have tempered loneliness?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I actually 'fessed up to my sister yesterday that I was lonely, that apart from my son I go for days without seeing anyone...her included

I have actually got better at being alone and I sort of make myself go out and do things where I have to interact with other people, such as going shopping but normally I think 'ah fuck it, I can't be arsed' and that's down to anxiety, in my case anyway

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I never really feel lonely as such ?

Maybe some people would think that was odd?

But I'm quite happy alone and enjoy my own company etc.

But that doesn't mean I wouldn't enjoy someones company or a relationship?

I've just never felt Ive needed people in my life because I got lonely?

I have relationships with people because I enjoy being with that person.

Not because I'm or get lonely .

And that is an equally valid perspective -- contentment with where you're at and the absence of loneliness is wonderful.

There are times that I see positive in experiencing loneliness though, perhaps it allows me to hold all relationships more delicately. (That's not a counter to your point, more you made me wonder what the plus side of my experience may be)

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Well said.

A close friend always reminds me of the quote:

"Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can survive."

Necessity can hone resilience or help you source the things you need.

Yeah exactly ive always had this ability to cut the negatives out of my life, probably why i enjoy acting if someone writes a bad review you look at it in a constructive way "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Alone but not lonely,as I'm quite happy in my own company...for the most part anyway though of course there are times I miss and yearn for the intimacy and closeness of an exclusive relationship.

I'm not particularly sociable or outgoing but there's usually someone about when I do feel like interacting.

Or somebody posting stupid questions on here that I can take the piss out of!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I actually 'fessed up to my sister yesterday that I was lonely, that apart from my son I go for days without seeing anyone...her included

The first step is always acceptance and by fessing up you can hopefully have people try to help you from the other side not putting it all on you therefore helping you relieve the pressure

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I don't tie sexual partners to my personal happiness.

I am happy and self-sufficient alone, and do not need a partner to prevent myself from feeling lonely.

Other than that... nope..."

That's good, I'm in awe of that full self-sufficiency.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I over think way too much. . Can you tell

I'm with you, totally

You may overthink, but you articulate splendidly

It's a constant balance of knowing when the site helps, and when it doesn't. "

Yes I agree. Trouble is the empty compliments are addictive. I end up seeking out the attention which isn't very good for self esteem once you realise it's all empty meaningless compliments but it's an easy 'go to' behaviour when I feel lonely and needy and gives a quick fix even if the come down after is awful.

Fab is the drug. . Quick fix which causes major come downs after. . . For me at least, maybe?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I over think way too much. . Can you tell

Some choose this as a lifestyle but many more just use it as a stopgap. I think that's why the forum is popular with singles who'd rather not be single - it's just a bit of bodywarmth."

Yes! Bodywarmth!!

(Frisky I made this thread for you btw)

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I over think way too much. . Can you tell

I'm with you, totally

You may overthink, but you articulate splendidly

It's a constant balance of knowing when the site helps, and when it doesn't.

Fab is the drug. . Quick fix which causes major come downs after. . . For me at least, maybe?

Sounds like me with pizza lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I have momentary lapses into loneliness. It usually coincides with a sense that some of my needs aren't being met and I don't feel able at that moment to take action to resolve it. It never lasts very long as I'm getting pretty good now at recognising what is going on and getting better at trying to get what I really need, rather than a substitute gratification that leaves me feeling empty and lonely again. That said there are always constraints when it involves others so getting those needs met consistently is not always possible. Intimate (mutual vulnerability) communication is nearly always a key part of the solution."

I'm going to think further about your comment.

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By *gnitemybodyWoman over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

My need to be loved by someone that feel's the same way seems a distant dream,it feels like I'll never have that again.

Why do you think you're 'not the most sociable'?

Suppose it's deep routed from childhood,having a mum who alway's spoke for me not giving me a voice,feeling like an ugly duckling so not wanting to be the centre of attention,feelings of rejection. You can argue I'm an adult and have control of my own life,but I suppose some thing's are so embedded in us they're hard to shake off.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I don't feel lonely in the slightest, its a state of mind. Get out there, head held high and meet new people, always smile and show yourself in the best light possible. Talk positive, never negative, be bright and bubbly. And watch people gravitate to you.

And does that come easily to you?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I actually 'fessed up to my sister yesterday that I was lonely, that apart from my son I go for days without seeing anyone...her included

The first step is always acceptance and by fessing up you can hopefully have people try to help you from the other side not putting it all on you therefore helping you relieve the pressure"

who said anything about acceptance?

I actually said it to get a reaction from her and to be honest she did look a little uncomfortable ...

sometimes I am happy in my own company but not for excessively long periods of time, as that's when I start getting negative thoughts and overthinking things..i am my own worst enemy

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'll add a little bit more. It's also not about being with people for me, it is about intimacy. I can be with the people I love most in this world and feel lonely, because another aspect of my needs remains unfulfilled and I cannot express or share that with them, either at all or I haven't worked out how to do it at that time.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I actually 'fessed up to my sister yesterday that I was lonely, that apart from my son I go for days without seeing anyone...her included

That was brave to confess, I hope it brings positive opportunities for the both of you. Yes anxiety is a massive inhibitor.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I actually 'fessed up to my sister yesterday that I was lonely, that apart from my son I go for days without seeing anyone...her included

The first step is always acceptance and by fessing up you can hopefully have people try to help you from the other side not putting it all on you therefore helping you relieve the pressure

who said anything about acceptance?

I actually said it to get a reaction from her and to be honest she did look a little uncomfortable ...

sometimes I am happy in my own company but not for excessively long periods of time, as that's when I start getting negative thoughts and overthinking things..i am my own worst enemy"

Everybody is their own worst enemy, yeah someone can say something nasty about you but its your own head that uses it and warps it and thinks about it.

Sorry if i misinterpreted that about the acceptance. Some people would see that telling someone else as a form of acceptance.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I over think way too much. . Can you tell

Some choose this as a lifestyle but many more just use it as a stopgap. I think that's why the forum is popular with singles who'd rather not be single - it's just a bit of bodywarmth."

Bodywarmth is exactly what is it.

Thanks for this post OP. It's really nice to feel I'm not the only one feeling this way on here

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Alone but not lonely,as I'm quite happy in my own company...for the most part anyway though of course there are times I miss and yearn for the intimacy and closeness of an exclusive relationship.

I'm not particularly sociable or outgoing but there's usually someone about when I do feel like interacting.

Or somebody posting stupid questions on here that I can take the piss out of!

Haha!! Yeah cheers! Happy to help

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By *opsy RogersWoman over a year ago

London

"I was going to say I never feel lonely but that's not strictly true.

Yes that outer peripheral dwelling place! Do you think your child/children have tempered loneliness? "

Their company is a different type. I'm the mother and grandmother and as such, I'm the one that helps them but I can tell you, small doses of them all is enough! I don't feel on the periphery with them though so loneliness is not even in the equation.

I go days without speaking to anyone, by choice! I love it and I occasionally have to force myself to actually go out and meet people because I think I should.

Other people don't quite know what to do with me either. Last time I was at Xtasia, I was quite happy to sit on my own and watch (it's too loud, can't chat and there never seems to be anyone I want to shag) and a few folk came and asked if I were ok.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I over think way too much. . Can you tell

I'm with you, totally

You may overthink, but you articulate splendidly

It's a constant balance of knowing when the site helps, and when it doesn't.

Fab is the drug. . Quick fix which causes major come downs after. . . For me at least, maybe?

Possibly anything becomes a 'drug' when we use it as a crutch?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

My need to be loved by someone that feel's the same way seems a distant dream,it feels like I'll never have that again.

Why do you think you're 'not the most sociable'?

No, that makes sense. Rejection is a powerful fear.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Thank you, that's helpful

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I over think way too much. . Can you tell

Some choose this as a lifestyle but many more just use it as a stopgap. I think that's why the forum is popular with singles who'd rather not be single - it's just a bit of bodywarmth.

Bodywarmth is exactly what is it.

Thanks for this post OP. It's really nice to feel I'm not the only one feeling this way on here

Happy to warm bodies with you anytime....see what I did there?!

(And thankyou for your response to the OP, I feel the same)

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I was going to say I never feel lonely but that's not strictly true.

Yes that outer peripheral dwelling place! Do you think your child/children have tempered loneliness?

I go days without speaking to anyone, by choice! I love it and I occasionally have to force myself to actually go out and meet people because I think I should.

Oh gosh, I know that feeling! Sometimes I'd rather I *was* invisible as the lonely feeling only kicks in (occasionally) when you see yourself through someone else's eyes -- I mean, I'd be happy sitting, watching, thinking but to do that in public sometimes jars with others.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I can totally relate to a lot of your sentiments, I was lonely for a lot of years in a bad marriage. Now yes I get physically lonely but not the same deep emotional loneliness I did feel. I'm still very damaged from the past so yes I can be needy and seek attention and compliments.

But I'm strong and fight that feeling everyday. Not an easy task, and sometimes seeing some of the ladies on here increases those feelings of insecurity and negativity about myself. I'm happy in my own company but would be happy surrounded by more people. We are what we are and we will be loved despite our flaws by the right person I believe in that.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

One final bit, being alone and loneliness have no equivalence for me. I love spending time on my own and, as I have got older need that more of that time to recharge my batteries, care for myself and enjoy personal pursuits. Healthy relationships for me feel like being alone together rather than overly dependent on each other. Interdependence would be another way of describing it. Mutual needs being met by two autonomous human beings. I have a vision of what I aspire to in relationship to those I love just travelling the journey together is not a straight road

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By *iss.HoneyWoman over a year ago

...

I over think way too much. . Can you tell

Maybe you want more?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I can totally relate to a lot of your sentiments, I was lonely for a lot of years in a bad marriage. Now yes I get physically lonely but not the same deep emotional loneliness I did feel. I'm still very damaged from the past so yes I can be needy and seek attention and compliments.

Thanks Angie

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

And does that come easily to you?

No it didn't always. In my younger years I was full of hangups and insecurities. And at times felt very lonely.

But I hated it, hated feeling that way, so decided to change my mindset, read and listened to self help books, taught myself to go out and enjoy life, focus on enjoyments and hobbies. Being focussed and passionate about things you love brings people to you. And the more you do positive things the easier and more natural it becomes. Im by no means there yet, but seeing the results spurs me on. And I simply dont feel lonely anymore, haven't done for a few years now.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I over think way too much. . Can you tell

Some choose this as a lifestyle but many more just use it as a stopgap. I think that's why the forum is popular with singles who'd rather not be single - it's just a bit of bodywarmth.

Bodywarmth is exactly what is it.

Thanks for this post OP. It's really nice to feel I'm not the only one feeling this way on here

Happy to warm bodies with you anytime....see what I did there?!

(And thankyou for your response to the OP, I feel the same)"

That's the nicest offer I've had in a long time - Mutual body warming

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Oh you've reminded me of my threads last year on love when we had the discussion of dependency, co-dependency, independency and interdependency -- your input was spot on!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

i have felt very alone in the past and often its when im around people if that makes sense - i am very happy in my own company but need contact of a sort - maybe thats why i like the forum as you can attach but walk away when you want- i have a very small circle of close friends - one or two i chat to/see several times a week

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I know that this may be seen as wrong but i just have to say that all you women on here that are feeling insecure about your bodies and therefore lonely because you believe you cant compete are all crazy because there are people out there for everyone.

I know im young and male so probably seen as a child but i think the best thing to do in life is find something that makes you happy unconditionally. For me its my dogs and singing, my dogs are always happy to see me. And i love singing as it makes me happy to nail a song perfectly

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I over think way too much. . Can you tell

Maybe you want more? "

I do but not easy to find what I'm looking for

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

And does that come easily to you?

No it didn't always. In my younger years I was full of hangups and insecurities. And at times felt very lonely.

I think I often push people away, that's my reality.

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

I over think way too much. . Can you tell

Some choose this as a lifestyle but many more just use it as a stopgap. I think that's why the forum is popular with singles who'd rather not be single - it's just a bit of bodywarmth.

Yes! Bodywarmth!!

(Frisky I made this thread for you btw)"

Yes it's my kind of meaty subject for sure! I'm still in bed on the phone though, so can't write much!

I form very deep bonds with partners, close friends and special horses, and I know that is how I am built to be - in a deep, close connection. I hate it when I am out of connection even though I am lucky to have a very affirming social life through my horses and dancing. I can dance and be the life and soul and draw people to me - but I need to be with my deep bonds for the majority of time. Like ye old wytch doctor - I am self-aware enough to know when my needs are not being met.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Alone but not lonely,as I'm quite happy in my own company...for the most part anyway though of course there are times I miss and yearn for the intimacy and closeness of an exclusive relationship.

I'm not particularly sociable or outgoing but there's usually someone about when I do feel like interacting.

Or somebody posting stupid questions on here that I can take the piss out of!

Haha!! Yeah cheers! Happy to help

Awww you know I don't think your questions are stupid!

I mean the lesser spotted "I've been on here for 5 min,why am I not knee deep in fanny?" and the "Do all women like beards/muscles/traveling flea circuses/yadayadayada....?" type questions

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By *mmmMaybeCouple over a year ago

West Wales

I think I may have said this before but one of my ex's went to get drinks at a new years party we were attending. When she returned she hit me with

"I watched you from over there, your small talk with friends, laughing, but then I looked at yours eyes darting around the room like a rabbits & realised you are the only person I know that could be at a party full of friends and yet still be totally alone"..

In truth I feel i'm less lonely on my own than when in a group.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 27/03/17 10:24:20]

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"i have felt very alone in the past and often its when im around people if that makes sense - i am very happy in my own company but need contact of a sort - maybe thats why i like the forum as you can attach but walk away when you want- i have a very small circle of close friends - one or two i chat to/see several times a week "

Yes, that makes sense!

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By *iss_tressWoman over a year ago

London

"I think its why i always make friends with people i meet through here or elsewhere, i like being there to support people and in turn they support me

Mutual support networks are so important.

Is there a danger that if we fully show our vulnerability we only be seen as 'weak' by those we show?

So what if im viewed as weak by someone, if they cant see the strength it requires to allow someone to see your vulnerability then they arent worth bothering with.

Ive always had a good support network of friends as i had a difficult childhood so needed friends"

Thing is there are predatory people around and showing your vulnerability may lead you open to them. I've lost count of the number of people on here who've left, broken, after opening themselves up.

I learnt from a very early age that the only one to look out for me was me. I enjoy my own company, holiday on my own, go to the cinema alone etc and never feel lonely.

The one time in my life I felt desperately lonely was Christmas day 2002. Anyone looking through the window would have thought, aaah, a perfect family Christmas: mummy, daddy, children all sat around the dinner table laden with goodies. I knew it would be our last family Christmas as I was planning on divorcing my husband...I don't know how I survived that day. By easter I had gone!

There is a difference between alone and lonely. I like my own company and have to make an effort to allow others in. I have a partner, children, grandchildren, a close circle of friends...yet I'm happiest on my own.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A close friend always reminds me of the quote:

"Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can survive."

Necessity can hone resilience or help you source the things you need.

This is an enlightening quote for me.....as over the last few years I've had so many upsets in life.

If that was quoted to me 5 years ago I would have said what! But it's amazing how we can adapt and come back from the brink

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I know that this may be seen as wrong but i just have to say that all you women on here that are feeling insecure about your bodies and therefore lonely because you believe you cant compete are all crazy because there are people out there for everyone.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I over think way too much. . Can you tell

Some choose this as a lifestyle but many more just use it as a stopgap. I think that's why the forum is popular with singles who'd rather not be single - it's just a bit of bodywarmth.

Yes! Bodywarmth!!

(Frisky I made this thread for you btw)

Yes it's my kind of meaty subject for sure! I'm still in bed on the phone though, so can't write much!

You and YOWD are my gurus!

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By *iss_tressWoman over a year ago

London

"I never really feel lonely as such ?

Maybe some people would think that was odd?

But I'm quite happy alone and enjoy my own company etc.

But that doesn't mean I wouldn't enjoy someones company or a relationship?

I've just never felt Ive needed people in my life because I got lonely?

I have relationships with people because I enjoy being with that person.

Not because I'm or get lonely .

You've summed up pretty much how I feel.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Oh you've reminded me of my threads last year on love when we had the discussion of dependency, co-dependency, independency and interdependency -- your input was spot on!!

Glad it helped your thinking

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Alone but not lonely,as I'm quite happy in my own company...for the most part anyway though of course there are times I miss and yearn for the intimacy and closeness of an exclusive relationship.

I'm not particularly sociable or outgoing but there's usually someone about when I do feel like interacting.

Or somebody posting stupid questions on here that I can take the piss out of!

Haha!! Yeah cheers! Happy to help

Awww you know I don't think your questions are stupid!

I mean the lesser spotted "I've been on here for 5 min,why am I not knee deep in fanny?" and the "Do all women like beards/muscles/traveling flea circuses/yadayadayada....?" type questions

To be fair my OP is, when distilled down, a "why am I not knee deep in my special cock/fanny" post!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

And does that come easily to you?

No it didn't always. In my younger years I was full of hangups and insecurities. And at times felt very lonely.

I think I often push people away, that's my reality. "

Well, try to reverse that, you can do it if you really want to.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think its why i always make friends with people i meet through here or elsewhere, i like being there to support people and in turn they support me

Mutual support networks are so important.

Is there a danger that if we fully show our vulnerability we only be seen as 'weak' by those we show?

So what if im viewed as weak by someone, if they cant see the strength it requires to allow someone to see your vulnerability then they arent worth bothering with.

Ive always had a good support network of friends as i had a difficult childhood so needed friends

Thing is there are predatory people around and showing your vulnerability may lead you open to them. I've lost count of the number of people on here who've left, broken, after opening themselves up.

I learnt from a very early age that the only one to look out for me was me. I enjoy my own company, holiday on my own, go to the cinema alone etc and never feel lonely.

I learnt from an early age anyone who tries to use my vulnerabilities is not someone worth worrying about. Im big and ugly enough to deal with a bully trying to use them and my closest friends know all my secrets and vulnerabilities because it makes us closer as people to know them

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 27/03/17 10:26:14]

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I think I may have said this before but one of my ex's went to get drinks at a new years party we were attending. When she returned she hit me with

In truth I feel i'm less lonely on my own than when in a group.

Nods. This

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"[Loneliness eradicated by poster at 27/03/17 10:24:20]"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I over think way too much. . Can you tell

Some choose this as a lifestyle but many more just use it as a stopgap. I think that's why the forum is popular with singles who'd rather not be single - it's just a bit of bodywarmth.

Yes! Bodywarmth!!

(Frisky I made this thread for you btw)

Yes it's my kind of meaty subject for sure! I'm still in bed on the phone though, so can't write much!

You and YOWD are my gurus!

If you carry on calling me things like that I'll go back to posting crap

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I felt more alone when I lived with my family then now. I love having my own space but I do sometimes miss human touch.

PTU XXX

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A close friend always reminds me of the quote:

"Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can survive."

Necessity can hone resilience or help you source the things you need.

This is an enlightening quote for me.....as over the last few years I've had so many upsets in life.

If that was quoted to me 5 years ago I would have said what! But it's amazing how we can adapt and come back from the brink

I have a tattoo which is lyrics from phantom of the opera (i know not the most manly of things) which says no more talk of darkness forget these wide eyed fears. I look at it when im going for something where my head might get a bit wary because there is nothing to be afraid of except yourself

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I think its why i always make friends with people i meet through here or elsewhere, i like being there to support people and in turn they support me

Mutual support networks are so important.

Is there a danger that if we fully show our vulnerability we only be seen as 'weak' by those we show?

So what if im viewed as weak by someone, if they cant see the strength it requires to allow someone to see your vulnerability then they arent worth bothering with.

Ive always had a good support network of friends as i had a difficult childhood so needed friends

Thing is there are predatory people around and showing your vulnerability may lead you open to them. I've lost count of the number of people on here who've left, broken, after opening themselves up.

I learnt from a very early age that the only one to look out for me was me. I enjoy my own company, holiday on my own, go to the cinema alone etc and never feel lonely.

Very good points

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

A close friend always reminds me of the quote:

"Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can survive."

Necessity can hone resilience or help you source the things you need.

This is an enlightening quote for me.....as over the last few years I've had so many upsets in life.

If that was quoted to me 5 years ago I would have said what! But it's amazing how we can adapt and come back from the brink

Yes. It's a good 'un.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

And does that come easily to you?

No it didn't always. In my younger years I was full of hangups and insecurities. And at times felt very lonely.

I think I often push people away, that's my reality.

Well, try to reverse that, you can do it if you really want to.

Bugger! Really?!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I feel Lonley thats why i joined this site, dating is way to hard these days especially with a kid.

But so far i send messages to ladies who i either like the look of, or like there profile but not any meets yet.

Which in turn makes me feel even more lonely,the circle just keeps moving round.

Constantly looking to see if someone has messaged me back or even who has looked at my profile.

Confidence is really low but hopefully i might get to meet someone.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think its why i always make friends with people i meet through here or elsewhere, i like being there to support people and in turn they support me

Mutual support networks are so important.

Is there a danger that if we fully show our vulnerability we only be seen as 'weak' by those we show?

So what if im viewed as weak by someone, if they cant see the strength it requires to allow someone to see your vulnerability then they arent worth bothering with.

Ive always had a good support network of friends as i had a difficult childhood so needed friends

Thing is there are predatory people around and showing your vulnerability may lead you open to them. I've lost count of the number of people on here who've left, broken, after opening themselves up.

I learnt from a very early age that the only one to look out for me was me. I enjoy my own company, holiday on my own, go to the cinema alone etc and never feel lonely.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I over think way too much. . Can you tell

Some choose this as a lifestyle but many more just use it as a stopgap. I think that's why the forum is popular with singles who'd rather not be single - it's just a bit of bodywarmth.

Yes! Bodywarmth!!

(Frisky I made this thread for you btw)

Yes it's my kind of meaty subject for sure! I'm still in bed on the phone though, so can't write much!

You and YOWD are my gurus!

If you carry on calling me things like that I'll go back to posting crap

You know I love it when you talk serious to me

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I felt more alone when I lived with my family then now. I love having my own space but I do sometimes miss human touch.

PTU XXX "

Human touch for the win.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Alone but not lonely,as I'm quite happy in my own company...for the most part anyway though of course there are times I miss and yearn for the intimacy and closeness of an exclusive relationship.

I'm not particularly sociable or outgoing but there's usually someone about when I do feel like interacting.

Or somebody posting stupid questions on here that I can take the piss out of!

Haha!! Yeah cheers! Happy to help

Awww you know I don't think your questions are stupid!

I mean the lesser spotted "I've been on here for 5 min,why am I not knee deep in fanny?" and the "Do all women like beards/muscles/traveling flea circuses/yadayadayada....?" type questions

To be fair my OP is, when distilled down, a "why am I not knee deep in my special cock/fanny" post!!

Fair dos but at least you expand a great deal upon your ideas and concepts and don't sweepingly generalise whole genders!

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By *opsy RogersWoman over a year ago

London

Exactly my vision! On a practical level it's being with someone I am committed to but in an environment where we can't always 'see' each other but are still in close proximity. The communication for that would have to be spot on though.

My room, his room, our room.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I feel Lonley thats why i joined this site, dating is way to hard these days especially with a kid.

But so far i send messages to ladies who i either like the look of, or like there profile but not any meets yet.

Which in turn makes me feel even more lonely,the circle just keeps moving round.

Constantly looking to see if someone has messaged me back or even who has looked at my profile.

Confidence is really low but hopefully i might get to meet someone.

I think that's why the forums are such a good middle ground. You can interact with people without pressure and often then they get a feel of who you are which may facilitate a meet better than the messaging potluck approach, anyway, hello and thank you for your post.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I over think way too much. . Can you tell

Some choose this as a lifestyle but many more just use it as a stopgap. I think that's why the forum is popular with singles who'd rather not be single - it's just a bit of bodywarmth.

Yes! Bodywarmth!!

(Frisky I made this thread for you btw)

Yes it's my kind of meaty subject for sure! I'm still in bed on the phone though, so can't write much!

You and YOWD are my gurus!

If you carry on calling me things like that I'll go back to posting crap

You know I love it when you talk serious to me

Yep but I'm no guru, just a purveyor of dodgy snake oil

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Alone but not lonely,as I'm quite happy in my own company...for the most part anyway though of course there are times I miss and yearn for the intimacy and closeness of an exclusive relationship.

I'm not particularly sociable or outgoing but there's usually someone about when I do feel like interacting.

Or somebody posting stupid questions on here that I can take the piss out of!

Haha!! Yeah cheers! Happy to help

Awww you know I don't think your questions are stupid!

I mean the lesser spotted "I've been on here for 5 min,why am I not knee deep in fanny?" and the "Do all women like beards/muscles/traveling flea circuses/yadayadayada....?" type questions

To be fair my OP is, when distilled down, a "why am I not knee deep in my special cock/fanny" post!!

Fair dos but at least you expand a great deal upon your ideas and concepts and don't sweepingly generalise whole genders!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I over think way too much. . Can you tell

Some choose this as a lifestyle but many more just use it as a stopgap. I think that's why the forum is popular with singles who'd rather not be single - it's just a bit of bodywarmth.

Yes! Bodywarmth!!

(Frisky I made this thread for you btw)

Yes it's my kind of meaty subject for sure! I'm still in bed on the phone though, so can't write much!

You and YOWD are my gurus!

If you carry on calling me things like that I'll go back to posting crap

You know I love it when you talk serious to me

Yep but I'm no guru, just a purveyor of dodgy snake oil

And don't I know it!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My room, his room, our room."

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I felt more alone when I lived with my family then now. I love having my own space but I do sometimes miss human touch.

PTU XXX

Human touch for the win.

Just as long as they know where the door is I'm happy.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I love my own company but its intimacy i miss

Likewise. I always find things to do and im not one to have lots of people round but I do socialise and I see my daughter and grandkids regularly sometimes once or twice a week.

But if it wasnt for the internet I do think I would be getting out and about more and doing things as opposed to being at home.. which I really dont mind.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I felt more alone when I lived with my family then now. I love having my own space but I do sometimes miss human touch.

PTU XXX

Human touch for the win.

Just as long as they know where the door is I'm happy.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I love my own company but its intimacy i miss

Likewise. I always find things to do and im not one to have lots of people round but I do socialise and I see my daughter and grandkids regularly sometimes once or twice a week.

But if it wasnt for the internet I do think I would be getting out and about more and doing things as opposed to being at home.. which I really dont mind."

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I felt more alone when I lived with my family then now. I love having my own space but I do sometimes miss human touch.

PTU XXX

Human touch for the win.

Just as long as they know where the door is I'm happy.

Ttttttttt...touch meeeee...I wanna be dirtyyyyy

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

At times I do feel lonely and miss having a partner but then when thinking about being in a relationship I get worried about not having enough time to myself.

My ex husband never let me have any alone time & it made me feel clustrophobic so even now the thought of someone sleeping over annoys me as Ive got used to have my space & doing what I want.. so its a hard one to counteract, I think its why i came back here so i could meet someone for awesome sex and have companionship without its going to serious!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I felt more alone when I lived with my family then now. I love having my own space but I do sometimes miss human touch.

PTU XXX

Human touch for the win.

Just as long as they know where the door is I'm happy.

Ttttttttt...touch meeeee...I wanna be dirtyyyyy

Frill me chill me for filll me

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"At times I do feel lonely and miss having a partner but then when thinking about being in a relationship I get worried about not having enough time to myself.

Yes that sounds a juggling act -- moving on from the negative experience -- and time is probably a key factor.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I do feel lonely sometimes, usually when i'm having a difficult time and could just use a cuddle and some comforting words.

But i am a loner, and prefer my own company so whilst i do get lonely, a short burst of company is enough to keep me going as i find too much company overwhelming.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I get lonely. I miss a a cuddle whilst lying on the settee watching a film, or cuddles in bed before sleeping. I get none of those things

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My most lonely times are when my two boys go to bed and it's me, myself and I. Sometimes it doesn't bother me, but other times it's just overwhelming and crushing. It's getting easier as I've made some friends here so we tend to have a group chat going on so there's that human contact but sometimes just to have someone to have a cuppa and cuddle up would be lovely. But I know, with many things in life that it will happen, I just need to be less impatient!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I do feel lonely sometimes, usually when i'm having a difficult time and could just use a cuddle and some comforting words.

But i am a loner, and prefer my own company so whilst i do get lonely, a short burst of company is enough to keep me going as i find too much company overwhelming. "

A cuddle buddy is always a good one

(Short burst of company or calendar entangling plethora of bookings?!

)

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I get lonely. I miss a a cuddle whilst lying on the settee watching a film, or cuddles in bed before sleeping. I get none of those things

((cuddle)) for you -- yes, I crave touch chronically.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"At times I do feel lonely and miss having a partner but then when thinking about being in a relationship I get worried about not having enough time to myself.

Yes that sounds a juggling act -- moving on from the negative experience -- and time is probably a key factor.

It is, i think the fact i was alone in a city with no family and very few real friends made it harder to overcome. Now im with my family I know I have a support network & wont be lonely in that respect so I can work on me little by little

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Often, although my reaction ranges from indifference to sadness. I'm in an odd situation considering I sort of still have a life partner although the whole dynamic has changed and continues to change as we 'find ourselves'.

Do I suffer from self doubt? Yes, often and sometimes borderline crippling. Many I've chatted to will have no doubt been on the receiving end of this at some point.

Do I attention seek? Absolutely. Bizarrely I'll often feel a bit silly afterwards.

Solutions? I really don't know at this stage

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"My most lonely times are when my two boys go to bed and it's me, myself and I. Sometimes it doesn't bother me, but other times it's just overwhelming and crushing. It's getting easier as I've made some friends here so we tend to have a group chat going on so there's that human contact but sometimes just to have someone to have a cuppa and cuddle up would be lovely. But I know, with many things in life that it will happen, I just need to be less impatient! "

It can feel crushing as you say, actually knocks the breath right out of you when you feel that suffocating blanket of yearning engulf you. It sounds so simple -- just wanting someone to *be* with, and yet.....

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"At times I do feel lonely and miss having a partner but then when thinking about being in a relationship I get worried about not having enough time to myself.

Yes that sounds a juggling act -- moving on from the negative experience -- and time is probably a key factor.

((hugs))

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

((hugs))"

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Often, although my reaction ranges from indifference to sadness. I'm in an odd situation considering I sort of still have a life partner although the whole dynamic has changed and continues to change as we 'find ourselves'.

Do I suffer from self doubt? Yes, often and sometimes borderline crippling. Many I've chatted to will have no doubt been on the receiving end of this at some point.

Do I attention seek? Absolutely. Bizarrely I'll often feel a bit silly afterwards.

Solutions? I really don't know at this stage

It's hard work and very tiring to live in ones head. You're doing fine ((hug))

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I do feel lonely sometimes, usually when i'm having a difficult time and could just use a cuddle and some comforting words.

But i am a loner, and prefer my own company so whilst i do get lonely, a short burst of company is enough to keep me going as i find too much company overwhelming.

A cuddle buddy is always a good one

(Short burst of company or calendar entangling plethora of bookings?!

Well two have since pulled out (oh er!) so i think it actually helps to overstretch meets (that's my excuse anyway!)

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I do feel lonely sometimes, usually when i'm having a difficult time and could just use a cuddle and some comforting words.

But i am a loner, and prefer my own company so whilst i do get lonely, a short burst of company is enough to keep me going as i find too much company overwhelming.

A cuddle buddy is always a good one

(Short burst of company or calendar entangling plethora of bookings?!

)

Well two have since pulled out (oh er!) so i think it actually helps to overstretch meets (that's my excuse anyway!)

Good thinking!!! Have fun

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By *eliWoman over a year ago

I do feel lonely at times. Like I'm not quite right for situations with others and I don't really comfortably fit in anywhere. I'm too just not right. I think that's when I feel it more strongly. I guess I do attention seek to a certain degree; I want that validation that I belong as much as I am loathe to admit it. I think previous negative experiences have made me less likely to care if I get that validity now though.

I don't really seek solace in another though. I don't like people being too close at all.

I don't really feel alone when I'm by myself though. I like my own thoughts and space to process things - other people just confuse my internal narration. And also, I think I'm great fun and can amuse myself for hours.

Crappy stream of consciousness ftw!

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By *iss.HoneyWoman over a year ago

...

I can be in a room of friends/family and feel so very alone

I quite enjoy being on my own though, to sit somewhere and read a book and feel completely at ease whilst surrounded by people is one of my favourite feelings.

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By *ultry SuccubusTV/TS over a year ago

London

Are you watching Bridget Jones again OP..

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I do feel lonely at times. Like I'm not quite right for situations with others and I don't really comfortably fit in anywhere. I'm too just not right. I think that's when I feel it more strongly. I guess I do attention seek to a certain degree; I want that validation that I belong as much as I am loathe to admit it. I think previous negative experiences have made me less likely to care if I get that validity now though.

I don't really seek solace in another though. I don't like people being too close at all.

Crappy stream of consciousness ftw! "

It's like an internal push pull, to want to fit in yet retain unique authenticity, be wanted yet not stifled. And all with an undercurrent of 'but what if they say no, get out, not you'.

I think it's important to remember that people are often more fragile then you suspect and we should treat them and ourselves gently.

"Had I the heavens’ embroidered cloths,

Enwrought with golden and silver light,

The blue and the dim and the dark cloths

Of night and light and the half light,

I would spread the cloths under your feet:

But I, being poor, have only my dreams;

I have spread my dreams under your feet;

Tread softly because you tread on my dreams."

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By *ELLONS AND CREAMWoman over a year ago

stourbridge area

"I love my own company but its intimacy i miss

Oh .... exactly this .

I work shifts ... so forming and maintaining relationships are hard ....

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I can be in a room of friends/family and feel so very alone

I quite enjoy being on my own though, to sit somewhere and read a book and feel completely at ease whilst surrounded by people is one of my favourite feelings. "

Yes, that is an uplifting feeling of really being in flow, and all being well with the world.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Are you watching Bridget Jones again OP..

Thankfully no! But I take your point

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I love my own company but its intimacy i miss

Oh .... exactly this .

I work shifts ... so forming and maintaining relationships are hard .... "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Being alone is something I really enjoy. I'll happily go for walks, look round markets, have dinner out, alone. I never used to be like that though, it's only in the last two years, after being pushed into it that I've started enjoying it.

However, I do get moments when I see couples or new families and I miss it, but then I'm optimistic that I'll meet someone utterly brilliant when I'm ready.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Being alone is something I really enjoy. I'll happily go for walks, look round markets, have dinner out, alone. I never used to be like that though, it's only in the last two years, after being pushed into it that I've started enjoying it.

However, I do get moments when I see couples or new families and I miss it, but then I'm optimistic that I'll meet someone utterly brilliant when I'm ready.

"
Totakky agree with this point.

I love my own company and know that one day someone exceptional will come into my life again. Until then I'm happy being with me

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

However, I do get moments when I see couples or new families and I miss it, but then I'm optimistic that I'll meet someone utterly brilliant when I'm ready.

-- will PM you xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

However, I do get moments when I see couples or new families and I miss it, but then I'm optimistic that I'll meet someone utterly brilliant when I'm ready.

Totakky agree with this point.

I love my own company and know that one day someone exceptional will come into my life again. Until then I'm happy being with me "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

However, I do get moments when I see couples or new families and I miss it, but then I'm optimistic that I'll meet someone utterly brilliant when I'm ready.

Totakky agree with this point.

I love my own company and know that one day someone exceptional will come into my life again. Until then I'm happy being with me "

It's a good feeling, right!?

I don't even have children, but I'm just not willing to rush it all. If that means I'm having children much later or not at all, then so be it!

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By *iss.HoneyWoman over a year ago

...

However, I do get moments when I see couples or new families and I miss it, but then I'm optimistic that I'll meet someone utterly brilliant when I'm ready.

do not settle, ever.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sod it. Positive week guys.

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By *ELLONS AND CREAMWoman over a year ago

stourbridge area

I can be in a room full of people ... and feel alone

I go out somewhere .... I want to come home ...

Dating scares the hell out of me ... I really dont know why im on fab ... I dont want sex with a stranger ... I enjoy the forums ... but arranging a meet terrifies me .... what if I dont like them? ... what if they dont like me !!!! ....

Really I like to read a book ... watch a film ... (a funny one)

Have a glass of wine ..

I have 3 cats ... my kids have grown up now ... flown the nest ...

Id like to have a companion to go out with sometimes ... when I want to ....

Am I selfish ... or just carefull

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

However, I do get moments when I see couples or new families and I miss it, but then I'm optimistic that I'll meet someone utterly brilliant when I'm ready.

do not settle, ever. "

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I can be in a room full of people ... and feel alone

I go out somewhere .... I want to come home ...

Really I like to read a book ... watch a film ... (a funny one)

Have a glass of wine ..

I have 3 cats ... my kids have grown up now ... flown the nest ...

Id like to have a companion to go out with sometimes ... when I want to ....

Am I selfish ... or just carefull

Or fearful?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Not until you've met me at least

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Not until you've met me at least"

Are the solution or the problem?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Not until you've met me at least

Are the solution or the problem?

Well an enigma mainly

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Not until you've met me at least

Are the solution or the problem?

Well an enigma mainly "

Well that clears it up

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

However, I do get moments when I see couples or new families and I miss it, but then I'm optimistic that I'll meet someone utterly brilliant when I'm ready.

Totakky agree with this point.

I love my own company and know that one day someone exceptional will come into my life again. Until then I'm happy being with me

It's a good feeling, right!?

I don't even have children, but I'm just not willing to rush it all. If that means I'm having children much later or not at all, then so be it! "
It is a good feeling. I don't have children either, would I like one? Yes. But that may happen much later which I've made peace with or not at all which again I have accepted.

I was married but that ended and now I'm happier than I've ever been, just being me

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Not until you've met me at least

Are the solution or the problem?

Well an enigma mainly

Well that clears it up

"
Well I didn't want to cause any confusion

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm often alone - I've lived on my own for five years - but I'm rarely lonely. I tend to keep people at arm's length but I can always pick up the phone to talk to a friend.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Not until you've met me at least

Are the solution or the problem?

Well an enigma mainly

Well that clears it up

Well I didn't want to cause any confusion

Absolutely. Glad we had this little chat

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I'm often alone - I've lived on my own for five years - but I'm rarely lonely. I tend to keep people at arm's length but I can always pick up the phone to talk to a friend."

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Not until you've met me at least

Are the solution or the problem?

Well an enigma mainly

Well that clears it up

Well I didn't want to cause any confusion

Absolutely. Glad we had this little chat

I love our little chats.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'm often alone - I've lived on my own for five years - but I'm rarely lonely. I tend to keep people at arm's length but I can always pick up the phone to talk to a friend.

Though I would entirely accept your company

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I'm often alone - I've lived on my own for five years - but I'm rarely lonely. I tend to keep people at arm's length but I can always pick up the phone to talk to a friend.

Though I would entirely accept your company

Awwww thank you, that's very kind

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I haven't had time to read the whole thread, but whilst I enjoy my own company, I have learned to be dependent on those that depend on me. Take them out of the equation and I do feel lonely.

It takes work to remember who I was before I was needed in that way. I just feel like I am adapting (not quickly- it's not my forte), then they return and the cycle begins again!

I have recognised it and am working on it now though- remembering how to be me!

I am also guilty of using Fab to fill in the gaps at times though, and someone likened it to a drug for the ego- I totally understand that as well x

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I haven't had time to read the whole thread, but whilst I enjoy my own company, I have learned to be dependent on those that depend on me. Take them out of the equation and I do feel lonely.

It takes work to remember who I was before I was needed in that way. I just feel like I am adapting (not quickly- it's not my forte), then they return and the cycle begins again!

I have recognised it and am working on it now though- remembering how to be me!

I am also guilty of using Fab to fill in the gaps at times though, and someone likened it to a drug for the ego- I totally understand that as well x"

Keep being you, and we're here when you need an ego boost

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I absolutely get where you're all coming from. It's a fine line to walk sometimes, between having your own space and being cut off.

For anyone who knows their Myers-Briggs, I'm a definite "introverted" thinker. And that reflects in needing space and time alone to think and work, and to recharge my batteries - I love being around people but they can be so terribly draining.

I spent a decade in a job in London being too exhausted to manage to build a social network, and pushing people away for a variety of reasons; twelve months after walking away from it before it could kill me, I now find myself both alone and lonely. Back up north, with open spaces and a cat and time to cook, read, and potter in the garden, but with no old contacts for a quiet afternoon coffee. Solitude in excess!

In a way, that's why Fab appeals - it sounds like you're a terribly friendly and social bunch (nowhere more so than on the forum!), as well as having significant options for non-complicated fun.

I wish I could get the balance right, though - my days seem to be so tied up with work that I never seem to be able to find new friends or hobbies (and, truthfully, I'm not entirely sure how, and have struggled to do so outside of work or education).

But I'm glad to see that there's such a lovely, warm, positive thread full of similar misfits. My first forum post, incidentally, so very glad to meet you all and to have found an appropriate topic to join!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I love my own company but its intimacy i miss

That's the one. It's a bugger.

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By *ELLONS AND CREAMWoman over a year ago

stourbridge area

"I absolutely get where you're all coming from. It's a fine line to walk sometimes, between having your own space and being cut off.

In a way, that's why Fab appeals - it sounds like you're a terribly friendly and social bunch (nowhere more so than on the forum!), as well as having significant options for non-complicated fun.

Get your coat youve pulled ...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I love my own company but its intimacy i miss

That's the one. It's a bugger."

Isn't it just? I used to wonder if I was odd because, outside of relationships, I missed intimacy (intellectually and emotionally) more than sex.

Although to be honest there are times I miss having someone to hug too!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I absolutely get where you're all coming from. It's a fine line to walk sometimes, between having your own space and being cut off.

In a way, that's why Fab appeals - it sounds like you're a terribly friendly and social bunch (nowhere more so than on the forum!), as well as having significant options for non-complicated fun.

Welcome to the forum

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I absolutely get where you're all coming from. It's a fine line to walk sometimes, between having your own space and being cut off.

In a way, that's why Fab appeals - it sounds like you're a terribly friendly and social bunch (nowhere more so than on the forum!), as well as having significant options for non-complicated fun.

I moved from Southampton to Taunton a few months ago and being aware that my social life and friendship group in Southampton had been very, very limited as the friends I had were through my husband and when we split up they went with him, I didn't want the same to happen here. So the first week I was down here I put a plea on a couple of Facebook groups, and I managed to find another mum who lives behind me in my village. She has since introduced me to a few other people so that life is building. It's hard as an adult to say, I need to meet people and make friends, its not seen as the done thing. It might be a bit of the good old British stiff upper lip coming into play or as adults we should be self sufficient and happy with our own company.

Once you find that way to get things moving, I think it's easier but sometimes that struggle to move forward is the biggest obstacle.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm just alone . Very few relatives.

Friends I hardly see.

Missed the boat on all fronts.

I've changed job, started today... Even that isn't going well...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I love my own company but its intimacy i miss

That's the one. It's a bugger.

Isn't it just? I used to wonder if I was odd because, outside of relationships, I missed intimacy (intellectually and emotionally) more than sex.

Although to be honest there are times I miss having someone to hug too!"

Great posts

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'm just alone . Very few relatives.

Friends I hardly see.

Missed the boat on all fronts.

I've changed job, started today... Even that isn't going well...

Oh no! Why not??

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's hard as an adult to say, I need to meet people and make friends, its not seen as the done thing. It might be a bit of the good old British stiff upper lip coming into play or as adults we should be self sufficient and happy with our own company.

Once you find that way to get things moving, I think it's easier but sometimes that struggle to move forward is the biggest obstacle."

I think you're absolutely right there. Certainly it was always drummed into me at school that men aren't needy, men don't have emotional problems...

Perhaps it's time to revisit social networking - I gave up some time ago as it wasn't working for me, felt like something for much younger people, and just seemed to provide a source of irritation that others were flaunting things I could only aspire to. The job centre have been nagging me to use Facebook, Twitter and Linked In on my job search anyway, so maybe "getting with the 21st century" will help.

Keep your chin up, sunriselover - hope your first day in the new job improves! It can always be tricky to start but I'm sure you will be just fine by the end of the week.

Mr Alleycat, YeOldWitchDoctor, Mellons and Cream - ta very much, you've given me a much needed smile.

(I can't be arsed looking for a job this afternoon. I think I'd rather go off chasing fallen stars, or looking for angels in London, or something. You know, garden, good book...)

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'm just alone . Very few relatives.

Friends I hardly see.

Missed the boat on all fronts.

I've changed job, started today... Even that isn't going well...

Try finding the positives. What's getting you down?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'm just alone . Very few relatives.

Friends I hardly see.

Missed the boat on all fronts.

I've changed job, started today... Even that isn't going well...

Oh no! Why not?? "

IT issues.. So they are trying to fix my kit. It's out of my control,but its not a great start! Face tired from being positive. Inside I'm wondering wtf I need to do....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'm just alone . Very few relatives.

Friends I hardly see.

Missed the boat on all fronts.

I've changed job, started today... Even that isn't going well...

Oh no! Why not??

IT issues.. So they are trying to fix my kit. It's out of my control,but its not a great start! Face tired from being positive. Inside I'm wondering wtf I need to do...."

Just count to 10 it'll be fine

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"IT issues.. So they are trying to fix my kit. It's out of my control,but its not a great start! Face tired from being positive. Inside I'm wondering wtf I need to do...."

That's such a common thing though. I've had it, colleagues have had it, various people I've met...

I think the best thing you can do is find something positive - maybe a brew and a little bit of personal enjoyment (no, not THAT -

mind out of the gutter!) - just to get you back on track for the afternoon. And then have a chat with your line manager to see if there's anything you can usefully do until the issue is fixed (like maybe there's some training material you can skim, or someone you can shadow for a couple of hours).

Seriously. It's a big deal now because it's all new and it's happening to you (but not to anybody else) - but in a week or a month, it won't matter at all.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Believe it or not things can always be worse than your current predicament.

It may not seem that way but its true.

Its the old is my glass half empty or half full theory?

Its how you view lifes challenges and set backs that dictates how happy you are.

Try and stay positive

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By *anielpiercedMan over a year ago

by the seaside

""I'd say that the feeling of being unremarkable is tied to loneliness by the fear of rejection. When I feel unremarkable I don't have the interest nor confidence in meeting people because I feel like I have nothing to offer to them and therefore they might reject my presence, which leaves me lonely. Loneliness genuinely hurts, I don't think it's a masquerade. We are biologically made to be social beings. We are all attention-seekers. We all need attention to fulfill this biological necessity to be and feel present; to verify that we're really here; that we matter; that we are remarkable in some way. And if we understand how necessary and empowering attention is for a human being, we should feel empowered to realize we can also be a source that gives it." (Vice)

I think social media doesn't help. You can be online either on here or on Facebook etc and be talking to people and you are involved interactively. But step away from your phone or pc and suddenly that real world feeling hits you and you feel isolated if you are on your own. Think nowadays we're so reliant on online family to sometimes make us feel better but at the price of real life interaction.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think social media doesn't help. You can be online either on here or on Facebook etc and be talking to people and you are involved interactively. But step away from your phone or pc and suddenly that real world feeling hits you and you feel isolated if you are on your own. Think nowadays we're so reliant on online family to sometimes make us feel better but at the price of real life interaction. "

This.

I guess social media is a tool - you have to use it right to get the most from it (and I wasn't). Good for keeping in touch with people, but not a substitute for getting out and meeting real people.

But it also puts massive pressure on you to share everything in your life, and I know it made me feel bad to see what others were doing - not because I wasn't happy for them, but because I developed the unshakeable conviction that I was failing at life and didn't measure up to the standards of others. (I'm pretty sure I was wrong, but there are days when I could be persuaded otherwise...)

Oh, and Jesus has inspired me to quote Monty Python: "Cheer up Brian, worse things happen at sea..."

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Funny you should use that phrase - it's the one I use to describe the thing we use in horse whispering, it's that instinct to 'be with'. In some animals it is really strong and if you know how to tap into that, it's like acquiring a shadow, like being in a shoal of fish - a really strong feeling of unity and togetherness. That feeling is where a horse finds his peace, that sweet spot, and I think that is the a natural condition for humans too, we are social animals. That's why they are so useful for life coaching, for showing people 'their insides'.

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By *orum TrollWoman over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

i don't attention seek any more than the level of attention i feel comfortable about receiving. so right now -no profile = not wanting attention at all at this time, on this site.

i never feel lonely, lonely is a state where you feel nobody else relates to you or shares your experiences and i get that not many people are on my level and felt this most of my life. i find most people are shallow and not what i'm interested in.

but, seeing as i'm highly empathetic, it benefits me that most people are not like me coz empathising with others is draining.

i like not having loads of people taking away my time with pointless stuff, and although pointless stuff has been my life for the past couple of years i have recovered now and getting back to the person i used to be. i like the me i used to be, she was still around somewhat but focusing in the wrong things.

so no, i never feel lonely. i understand people and a shallow basis, and some on a more fulfilling level.

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By *orum TrollWoman over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

"coz empathising with others is draining"

empathising with the shallow is draining i should've said.

people with genuine problems isn't too bad and i do give a shit about them.

but i am so glad i whittled down my circle to a small amount of people who are not vapid, who do not cause their own problems coz they deep down enjoy the drama, and coz they are just self absorbed.

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

I had a bit of a thought adjacent to this - I wonder how many people choose to be alone a lot, socially withdrawn, to stop themselves actually feeling lonely - to deny it, to mask it?

After all, if you are with people and feeling lonely you are in trouble - but if you are alone, you're supposed to feel alone, gloriously independant - that's just normal.

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By *orum TrollWoman over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

i spend a lot of time on my own, enjoy it really. after having 4 kids it's a bit of a relief to get a lot of down time and be able to do what i want whenever i want.

at one time i was actively avoiding people, i've had to postpone because of being the main carer of my family and wanted to discover myself again.

i don't feel lonely with people, i feel like they're wasting my life or draining me with nonsense. but that was partly down to me as well and i became aware of that and changed. quite enjoy wasting my life on my own terms though.

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