FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > married and unhappy thats why i swing

married and unhappy thats why i swing

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

if your that unhappy isnt it better to leave ?

(im happy with my man btw it was just a name for the subject)

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

ive spoken to a few guys who say im married but were not happy ....

and this is why they swing so they can get what there missing at home on here

i just cant help feeling it wud be better to leave there partner if there that unhappy and let both people find new people who will make each other happy , thats if it cant be worked on anyway .

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

its probaly best to leave as its bound to end badly

but you should always try to sort it out first and dont use it as a reason to swing

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By *etillanteWoman over a year ago

Sometimes life is not that simple

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By *yrdwomanWoman over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

Oh my goodness there are so many reasons why people are unfaithful and there's no way of knowing why.

Some people have their partners permission to play. Some just come on here for the chat and cams. Some people are really doing it all behind their partners back. But why? Is it better to break up a family just to be able to have sex? Or is it better to find someone for sex and keep the rest of the marriage intact for various reaons?

I guess these people sit down and consider the risks that their lifestyle has and weigh them against being in a sexless relationship. I was unfaithful to my ex when we were together because he would not have sex with me. He even said he would if I stopped swinging. He didn't, so I didn't stop. Now I am single as it is better all round that way, but I understand why people are unfaithful.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If you are un happy with someone were you need to go else where and you dont love them anymore thats the time to go

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

might sound harsh, but if a woman gave me that reason for swinging, I would probably say something like, "if your hubby doesn't want to fuck you, what makes you think I will?"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What if there together for the children or the cant afford to break up which would involve one of them moving out thats a lot of money to do

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"ive spoken to a few guys who say im married but were not happy ....

and this is why they swing so they can get what there missing at home on here

i just cant help feeling it wud be better to leave there partner if there that unhappy and let both people find new people who will make each other happy , thats if it cant be worked on anyway .

i don't think it's our place to be offering marriage advice on a site such as this.

people have their own reasons for being here and likewise people have their own reasons for sticking at it in a failing marriage.

that's their business and no-one elses (unless of course they choose to share, at which point it is your decision whether to take it on board or not)

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By *yrdwomanWoman over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"might sound harsh, but if a woman gave me that reason for swinging, I would probably say something like, "if your hubby doesn't want to fuck you, what makes you think I will?"

Different sex drives?

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple over a year ago

hexham

Great thread...

i too have spoken to men and women who say this, or that they stay for economics or the sake of the kids.In a more naive incarnation i even met one,and tried to help.i suggested therapy,relate,listened to his complaints about his sex life,and eventually realised the truth.He was happy the way things were, he had to be or he would have put the energy he put into swinging into sorting out his marriage.

i have heard every excuse in the book, but they tened to boil down to,"i can't be arsed to rock the boat."

If someone is married and unhappy being here is not going to sort the marriage.i don't think they should leave their partner but unless they are playing here openly they should leave the site,and return when they have sorted their life out.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What if there together for the children or the cant afford to break up which would involve one of them moving out thats a lot of money to do "

I've had more than one person tell me they can't afford to split up. If a marriage is that bad money doesn't come into it. I walked away with nothing when I split from my husband.

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple over a year ago

hexham

"might sound harsh, but if a woman gave me that reason for swinging, I would probably say something like, "if your hubby doesn't want to fuck you, what makes you think I will?"

i used to have almost the same words on my profile.."if you can't please your wife what the hell makes you think you can please me!"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What if there together for the children or the cant afford to break up which would involve one of them moving out thats a lot of money to do

I've had more than one person tell me they can't afford to split up. If a marriage is that bad money doesn't come into it. I walked away with nothing when I split from my husband. "

me too - well in fact i walked away with 39 grands worth of debt and gave up my share in a house now worth about £200,000

honestly didn't give a toss at the time - i wanted out and i wanted a clean break

no fights, no funny business, no one else involved - just a realisation that i was deeply unhappy and it was time to move on

it's a tough move especially when the 'IN love' element has gone but the 'love' part still exists

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If you are un happy with someone were you need to go else where and you dont love them anymore thats the time to go

Just because the sex is missing or no good between two people, dont mean that there isnt any love. A man can seperate the two ...

Its women that cant ...normally

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Only they know the real reasons why, it's their choice and marriage so I'd rather worry about something else than them

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Only they know the real reasons why, it's their choice and marriage so I'd rather worry about something else than them

Like ..do my legs look blue in this

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Only they know the real reasons why, it's their choice and marriage so I'd rather worry about something else than them

Like ..do my legs look blue in this

how do you edit the colour on a pic

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

i dont think anyone shud stay together for a childs sake .

for 1 as a child you pick up on the fights and hate that is real obv between a cpl i know i could see it in my dad n step mum !

they both had affairs (altho they dont know me and my sister know) and they broke up after 3 years of hell and now there both re married and Happy

as for staying together for financial reasons thats crazy its like being a prostutute on a real low wage !

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What if there together for the children or the cant afford to break up which would involve one of them moving out thats a lot of money to do

I've had more than one person tell me they can't afford to split up. If a marriage is that bad money doesn't come into it. I walked away with nothing when I split from my husband. "

When I left my husband all my possession fit in the back of a Ford transit. I didn't take anything out of the house, I left with my personal possessions and my kids. I left my husband the maritial home - now worth £500,000 and if I'd stayed we'd have been mortgage free.

I'd also lost about 80% of my sight - with no guarantee it would return. I took out a mortgage that a sane person wouldn't contemplate, and whilst my ex-husband is in clover I'm mortgaged up to my neck.

But you know what? I'm happy, if I'd stayed I'd either be in Holloway for murder, Maudsley with a mental breakdown or six feet under after topping myself: I made the right decision, so I have little sympathy for people who use excuses why they can't leave.

Although I have little sympathy, why people are here is their business, all I ask is they keep it away from me!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's not that easy just to leave, especially if you're a woman and do not or can't work.

I was married for 30 years, the last 10 were not just extremely unhappy but a living nightmare, in my case it took me 4 years to be able to save enough money to be able to, I can't work because I have a disability, the council would not house me because I was making myself homeless, so I had to find somewhere in the private sector, I had to have enough for a deposit, 4 weeks rent in advance, money to by the essentials ie: bed and other necessary furniture and money to live on until my disability benefit started to be paid. The last 9 months that I was still in my marriage I started to swing, our sex life had been non existent for 7 years and he had been having a sting of affairs and we were in separate rooms, most nights he didn't come home and when he did went straight to his room, unless he decided he wanted an argument first, I sat in night after night on my own and eventually lost myself and most of the friends I had because he was nasty to them, I was a shadow of the person I used to be, through swinging not only did I find the attention that I was missing but made a lots of new friends and found myself again along the way, I have now been separated from him for 8 months and thanks to a lot of my Fab friends, I am now the happiest I have been in years

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why don't unhappy married people leave their spouses?

Who's business is it of anyone's other than the people involved.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's not that easy just to leave, especially if you're a woman and do not or can't work.

That is a pretty good answer. I know not everyone will have the same circumstances as you but it makes sense of why some do as they do.

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By *iewMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

Never been married so can't really comment other than in general terms..

Can see no reason why people would choose to be unhappy in life.. and being on here doesn't fix the issue... only camouflages it.

But until I have walked in the shoes of others.. who knows.

My mum left my alcoholic dad with nothing in the late 60's but a car load of stuff, washed dishes in a cafe.. went into nursing as an auxiliary, then training and working her way up........ with little or no help. I/We did ok.

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By *leasureDomeMan over a year ago

all over the place

"Never been married so can't really comment other than in general terms..

Can see no reason why people would choose to be unhappy in life.. and being on here doesn't fix the issue... only camouflages it.

But until I have walked in the shoes of others.. who knows.

that is so true about walking in other peoples shoes _iew ,i have a mate who is with a terminally ill partner who can not perform and has no libido,it is a slow decline and rather than walk away is making that commitment to there vow as they still love the person they are with,

However as it does not harm anyone who would deny that person the release of uncomplicated sexual release with strangers and critisize that person. ...i know i wouldnt.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What if there together for the children or the cant afford to break up which would involve one of them moving out thats a lot of money to do "

That's a great point.

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By *iewMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

"Never been married so can't really comment other than in general terms..

Can see no reason why people would choose to be unhappy in life.. and being on here doesn't fix the issue... only camouflages it.

But until I have walked in the shoes of others.. who knows.

However as it does not harm anyone who would deny that person the release of uncomplicated sexual release with strangers and critisize that person. ...i know i wouldnt."

totally agree... with a terminal illness you know there is a timeline.. maybe not how long, but none the less it is not indefinate.

god bless your friend and their loved one who is suffering.

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By *ushroom7Man over a year ago

Bradford

I have often read the _iewpoint that "singles" can't by definition swing. Maybe someone could explain why?

And i'm guessing ( no first hand experience ) but isn't the joy of swinging as a couple, to see and experience your partner having a great time. Doesn't seem to fit the "unhappy" married playing away.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have often read the _iewpoint that "singles" can't by definition swing. Maybe someone could explain why?

You need someone to push you on the swing that's why singles aren't supposed to be able to do it

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By *atalie..Woman over a year ago

Bolton

I reckon most men who use that im unhappy in my marriage line etc and are swingers dont have enough money to pay for prostitute and use the line for female swingers to feel sorry for them...if your really unhappy and have problems in your relationship dont you think the first thing you would do is try and sort those problems out and not join swinging sites or clubs to get laid...or is that the way men think with their second head "oooo relationship shit i'll become a swingers atleast i still get a shag never mind the wife/girlfriend"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

for once I am pleased to see a civilised thread regarding this subject. who are we to judge

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By *phroditeWoman over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"for once I am pleased to see a civilised thread regarding this subject. who are we to judge

Agreed - in many cases things are not black and white, there are factors that keep people together even when thigns are not great.

I would never judge a person for playing behind their partner's back, however, I would not knowingly play with a guy who is attached - simply because I would not want to be involved in something that could become messy.

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By *andy muncherMan over a year ago

Nottingham

"for once I am pleased to see a civilised thread regarding this subject. who are we to judge

Agreed - in many cases things are not black and white, there are factors that keep people together even when thigns are not great.

well i have seen it from all sides being married now single as a swinger

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

what does it matter to you why the swing? if they have been honest and told you they are married and you are against playing with married men then dont meet them, it really is that simple

what gives you the right to comment on their home situation?

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By *leasureDomeMan over a year ago

all over the place

the sex researchers are looking at whether men are genetically programmed to cheat,this thursday channel 4,should be interesting .

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

call me old-fashioned.

but if i married someone i wouldnt need anyone else.

my profile would go from here unless she wanted to meet as a couple.

but i would tell her if she didnt know about this.

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By *ngieandMrManCouple over a year ago

hereford

With married couples regardless of what excuses/reasons they might have they did make a promise/contract to forsake all others for as long as they live - at least until divorced. It doesn't say, forsake all others except for when your partner does shag you anymore for whatever reason.

And with respect it does make me chuckle when people say 'its not easy to leave wife/husband'... don't think anyone ever said its supposed to be easy!

I left my first wife after 12 years, not because of the lack of sex but because of the violence that accompanied her alcohol problem, and I left with nothing but a few personal things and took a chance on my kids who I'm proud to say made their own decisions to move in with me once I was resettled.

Using this hobby (swinging) to cheat on your partner is nothing short of betrayal 'with intent' unlike an affair that might spring to life brought about by circumstance.

While I try not to judge other peoples weaknesses of this nature I won't be knowingly helping them to perpetuate them either

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"With married couples regardless of what excuses/reasons they might have they did make a promise/contract to forsake all others for as long as they live - at least until divorced. It doesn't say........."

That seems a very strange thing for someone who is part of a couple that choose to swing to say in the context of this debate, or am I missing something?

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple over a year ago

hexham

"the sex researchers are looking at whether men are genetically programmed to cheat,this thursday channel 4,should be interesting . "

They're not,but I had this argument before and no one listened.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Never been married so can't really comment other than in general terms..

Can see no reason why people would choose to be unhappy in life.. and being on here doesn't fix the issue... only camouflages it.

But until I have walked in the shoes of others.. who knows.

However as it does not harm anyone who would deny that person the release of uncomplicated sexual release with strangers and critisize that person. ...i know i wouldnt.

totally agree... with a terminal illness you know there is a timeline.. maybe not how long, but none the less it is not indefinate.

god bless your friend and their loved one who is suffering."

thats a lovely comment to say View. Actually the person that PD is referring to as been in the past so honest over the situation and has been verbally and physically attacked with regard to the swinging situation.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"thats a lovely comment to say View. Actually the person that PD is referring to as been in the past so honest over the situation and has been verbally and physically attacked with regard to the swinging situation."

I remember that. He got slaughtered for it, felt so sorry for him.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman over a year ago

little house on the praire

If your cheating behind your partners back whether male or female then its not swinging its cheating. You either stay together or you split up. If for whatever reason people say they cant split up then keep your trousers up or knickers on until you can

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman over a year ago

little house on the praire

"Never been married so can't really comment other than in general terms..

Can see no reason why people would choose to be unhappy in life.. and being on here doesn't fix the issue... only camouflages it.

But until I have walked in the shoes of others.. who knows.

However as it does not harm anyone who would deny that person the release of uncomplicated sexual release with strangers and critisize that person. ...i know i wouldnt."

If god forbid i was with a seriously ill loved one the last thing i would be looking for was sexual relief. Personally i doubt id be thinking about sex but would be wanting to cherish every moment i had with them.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"the sex researchers are looking at whether men are genetically programmed to cheat,this thursday channel 4,should be interesting . "

That idea always sounded precious to me.

It takes two to tango. If men are genetically programmed to cheat, then women logically have to be also. Otherwise the genes wouldn't spread.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

People are different that's for sure!

I'm with you on this one, I'd be wanting to spend every precious moment with my loved one, I couldn't imagine taking time out to come onto a site like this whilst they were dying!

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By *aucy3Couple over a year ago

glasgow

aha,we started swinging,when we were still happy.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

However as it does not harm anyone who would deny that person the release of uncomplicated sexual release with strangers and critisize that person. ...i know i wouldnt."

I am always of the idea that what people do with their lives is their business as you have probably gathered when this subject comes up...but....I am struggling to agree with the justification of your friend.

I would be gutted if I thought my OH couldn't abstain if I had a terminal illness and what you say makes me cringe....so yes, I am afraid this is one time I would say thats not the done thing.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

"Never been married so can't really comment other than in general terms..

Can see no reason why people would choose to be unhappy in life.. and being on here doesn't fix the issue... only camouflages it.

But until I have walked in the shoes of others.. who knows.

However as it does not harm anyone who would deny that person the release of uncomplicated sexual release with strangers and critisize that person. ...i know i wouldnt.

I thought it was just me, glad I am not alone on this one.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Ahhhhhh terminal illness.

At worst a long and drawn out, smelly, sicky, unpleasant horrible process. The person is unrecognisable as the person you loved. Often don't recognise anyone. Least of all the person mopping their brow day and night.

In that situation would I wanna spend time with them? Probably not. If I found that sex for a few hours made it easier for a few weeks would I do it??? Oh goodness me yes.

Sex is a pleasure and a hobby and just damn good fun. Doing it or not does not either prove or disprove my love and commitment to my (amazing) partner.

I fuck married people lots. I couldn't give a monkeys whether their partner knows. Honesty and morals are mine to _iew my world. Not a filter with which to judge others and their world.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

My friend's partner lost her fight to cancer a few years ago and could not have sex due to the treatment. She encouraged him to go and have fun with women. From what I know she was a beautiful person.

She was the one to encourage him to go and have some fun. He stood by her till the bitter end and made sure that she had everything she wanted till the end. It was an escape for him to spend a couple of hours not to forget but to get away from it for a few hours at his partners encouragement. Who are we to judge something that we wish we will never have to go through..

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

If your partner is giving permission then thats a different thing altogether.

Personally for me, I still wouldn't do it. My OH is more important than a quick shag.

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By *heekychezzaWoman over a year ago

warrington

Sometimes there are cases of serious illnesses, sometimes terminal, sometimes not, where the illness can last for many years. A very dear friend (not a swinger) has fairly recently become involved with a chap whose wife has Altzeimers Disease. She no longer recognises him, her parents or her daughter, and hasn't for several years now. He has no wish to divorce her, although she is not the person he married, but he does still feel love for her.

So is it wrong for him to start a relationship with my friend.....I certainly don't think so.

I agree with View's point of _iew...until I've walked in someone else's shoes,I'm not prepared to stand in judgement of them. It's all too easy to just say "I would never do that", and yes...everyone has the right to say it, but I don't think any of us can predict truly how we would behave until we are in the situation ourselves.

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By *oantrimcpl2010Couple over a year ago

Lisburn

"If your partner is giving permission then thats a different thing altogether.

Personally for me, I still wouldn't do it. My OH is more important than a quick shag."

i agree

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

I think in this case I would disagree with that, I KNOW I wouldn't be away somewhere getting sex if my OH couldn't have sex. He is more important than sex for me and anyway, I would still have my own fingers.

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By *LBishCouple over a year ago

near bury st edmunds

Staying together for the sake of the kids, dont work, been there done that, the kids pick up on the unhappyness and then become sad themselves or some even may blame themselves. if you are staying together for money reasons then thats just wrong. learnt the hard way life is too short, you have one shot at it, so if your unhappy, do something about it, and yes it is that simple. Live life to the full, you dont know whats around the corner. Kids are resilient they WILL get over it. Ok enough said.

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By *ngieandMrManCouple over a year ago

hereford

That seems a very strange thing for someone who is part of a couple that choose to swing to say in the context of this debate, or am I missing something?"

I don't know, are you missing something or have you pointed it out yourself 'a couple who CHOOSE to swing' not a ONE half of a couple who chooses to swing behind the others back.

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By *leasureDomeMan over a year ago

all over the place

ok what if you had been a carer for 8 years say and knew you still had a few left to go ,very little time away or to yourself ,life passing you by,your partner doesnt know your there most of the time,despite all that you dont want to start another relationship ,but need a social and sexual outlet just to stop you going mad and feeling dead already .

Would you still feel the same way or react the same ,its easy to say yes when your not in it and maybe your saint ,but many are not that perfect,you have to be in a situation to know what it is truly like surely ?

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

This one you won't be able to convince me on PD. You can still have a life ie, a social life, but I know I would feel crap if my OH was ill/dying and all I could think about was getting the next shag.

I find it insulting and rude for you to insinuate that because of my _iew I am acting as if I am a saint or thinking I am perfect.

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By *ue care and attentionWoman over a year ago

birmingham

Never fails to amaze me how people can be so judgemental when they aren't in or have never been in the situation of having to seek sex elsewhere. It's all well and good having such high morals when you are in a loving relationship or have successfully made the break, but don't for one minute think every situation is the same.

We all have our own reasons and I do not seek anyone's permission or judgement of what I chose to do.

My conscience is clear, my family are happpy and I am not in a violent or argumentative marraige, just a sexless one. I have also told my husband that I will leave once my kids have left school.

For those people who think I am not the type of person they would like to meet...shall I show you where the block button it????

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

another thread gone bad.

time to close.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

Just to clarify....at no point have I ever said married people can't do what they like, when they like....in fact I annoy the hell out of a lot of people on these forums for saying the opposite ( amongst other things)

The only thing I am answering is the comments of someone dying and what I know I would and wouldn't do.

What other people do is no concern of mine.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

"another thread gone bad.

time to close."

Debate isn't a bad thing.

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By *ue care and attentionWoman over a year ago

birmingham

Debating is one thing, critisising others is something else!

Wish my life was perfect as some!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yet another thread taking the moral high ground.

Those of us who are here without our partners consent have our own reasons. Some will be good and some will be bad.

If you don't like it, that's tough, you know where the block button is, just don't have anything to do with the ones you don't approve of.

Just remember some of the wisest words in the bible though, "judge not, lest you be judged"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Debating is one thing, critisising others is something else!

Wish my life was perfect as some!"

How does it go... let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

Your sex life is your business and we're all entitled to a sex life. I've never understood why one person in a marriage should be forced into a life of celibacy because the other one doesn't want sex anymore.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

"Just to clarify....at no point have I ever said married people can't do what they like, when they like....in fact I annoy the hell out of a lot of people on these forums for saying the opposite ( amongst other things)

The only thing I am answering is the comments of someone dying and what I know I would and wouldn't do.

What other people do is no concern of mine."

Time to bow out of this one then as people are getting upset.

As I said above, it was my own _iews of what I would do, and not telling other people what they should do.

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By *ue care and attentionWoman over a year ago

birmingham

The only thing I am answering is the comments of someone dying and what I know I would and wouldn't do.

What other people do is no concern of mine.

Time to bow out of this one then as people are getting upset.

As I said above, it was my own _iews of what I would do, and not telling other people what they should do."

Rugby...it wasn't your thread that provoked me hun

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

If people want to cheat and be left alone to get on with it without being judged for their actions ... then they should get on with it and not try to justify what they are doing.... as long as they can justify it to themselves they shouldn't need mass approval.

If people want to cheat...... as they saying goes "it's your business".... until you post it on a forum, then you should expect it to be everyones business to have an opinion.

My opinion... if you think you can justify cheating by explaining your reasons to a bunch of strangers, then it shouldn't be too much of a challenge for your partner to accept what you are doing. When your partner agrees you are doing the right thing, then I will think you are too (afterall they know you better than I do).

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By *umourCouple over a year ago

Rushden

I find it insulting and rude for you to insinuate that because of my _iew I am acting as if I am a saint or thinking I am perfect.

I am with you Rugby! I suspect somewhere in their subconscious, most on here are hedging bets just in case they find themselves in that situation! We have been married for more years than we care to remember, but neither of us could imagine “going out for a shag” while the other lay dying!

But I will go further!

As humans, we don’t have to have sex! As we get older, it is our choice to have sex for pleasure as the need for procreation diminishes. As such, we don’t so much need sex as want it! We have been told we are all able to have what we want, no longer will people have opinions or principles to use against us. The moral fibre of our society has been stripped away and we are left with a politically correct hell hole!

Even on here, this thread has the very wishy (not the profile!) washy claptrap that we are expected to have! Until I have walked a mile… Who are we to judge… Well I am sorry to tell you this, we judge every day! Anyone and I mean absolutely anyone who would cheat on their partner who is dying, just because of their “needs” I JUDGE to be despicable!

I do remember the guy who was slated. I slated him and would do it again. I said then that it was bad that he couldn’t even wait a few months for his lady to pass away and that his needs came first! What is going to happen to the next generation and indeed the one here now? As no one judges, what principles and values can you teach them? I am so glad I am on the way out…

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yet another thread taking the moral high ground.

Those of us who are here without our partners consent have our own reasons. Some will be good and some will be bad.

If you don't like it, that's tough, you know where the block button is, just don't have anything to do with the ones you don't approve of.

Just remember some of the wisest words in the bible though, "judge not, lest you be judged""

or let he who is without sin caste the first stone

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By *ngieandMrManCouple over a year ago

hereford

Maybe the answer to the question is 'Everyone has their price'.

A good few years before the National smoking ban my bosses proposed to impose a smoking ban at work. My boss said to me, '... so best you decide which is more important, your smoking or your job'. My reply was, 'Well I guess you'd better start looking for a replacement Development Engineer'. The result was things were rearranged so I had my own workshop and office to myself and the ban was put in place in all offices/workshops except mine.

I have found in my experience of life so far that it is really quite rare for a partner NOT to be aware that their partner is playing away from home. What is more often the case is the betrayed one chooses to tolerate, ignore or accept it. Whereas some might go mental and kick the offending partner out or maybe go get some of their own.

So I guess it comes down to the balance of power, the amount of drive/desire or the lack of it for that matter.

While no one can really justify it, equally no one can qualify it either.

Me personally... if my partner cheated/betrayed me I would be devastated and so would she if it where I cheating on her. Knowing this, IF she was incapacitated, incapable and or unaware I still wouldn't betray my relationship with her... why? Because I would know that's why! Because for me, my relationship with my partner is worth a millions times more than sex... but maybe that's just me or at least how I value and respect our relationship.

My second ex-wife betrayed our marriage several times, but did I? No I didn't, why? Because I would know that's why... and that's about the value I put on myself, my own pride and integrity which I happen to think is worth more than sex.

So having devalued sex why should it be considered such a crime? Because its not about the sex, its about the intent and the highly negative effect that betrayal of any kind can have on another person.

Everyone has their price... and so sometimes sex with a person or people outside of a relationship is worth more than the relationship itself to either one or both halves of a partnership and that's for those within it to judge not us. While not qualified to judge it we will not knowingly risk getting involved in it.

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By *leasureDomeMan over a year ago

all over the place

I find it insulting and rude for you to insinuate that because of my _iew I am acting as if I am a saint or thinking I am perfect.

just to clarify i was not implying you were perfect i am sorry if you got that impression i was trying to imply non of us are perfect,every situation is different and everyone reacts differently to that situation, and seeking uncomplicated warmth and contact with a member of the opposite sex, a bit of time out is not necessarily worrying about the next shag ,lets face it if you cant seek non judgemental nsa contact in swinging where can you.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Maybe the answer to the question is 'Everyone has their price'.

So I guess it comes down to the balance of power, the amount of drive/desire or the lack of it for that matter.

While no one can really justify it, equally no one can qualify it either.

That's got to be the best argument put forward on here. I guess to some you are right that sex is more important than a relationship. It won't be the same for all but put the way you have does make you think.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Still going well this thread and reading well

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

I have a question…. To those who really feel people need to walk a mile in someone’s shoes before they can judge them, how many of the following would you need to borrow shoes from ?

A paedophile

A rapist

George Bush

A guy from a small East Asian village who sold his eldest daughter to the sex trade

A child abuser

The woman who threw the cat in a bin

The couple who tortured to death the child they were fostering

Robert Mugabe

The chav who beat up a pensioner to nick £10

Someone who vandalised your car

Pushy sales people cold calling in the evening

Katey Price

Just a thought.

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By *ngieandMrManCouple over a year ago

hereford

Thank you for your comments and just before anyone pounces... I'm a long way short of perfect and no Saint either. My prospective didn't come off the back of a Cornfakes packet either, it does come from experience albeit 30 odd years ago in my late teens early twenties when I did betray my then partner and learned the effects that it can have.

Looking back in hindsight the key thing was that I learned from it and chose not to make excuses or try and justify it. Instead I decided to accept full responsibility for myself and try to conduct my life in a way that I could like myself.

I'm not a religious man but I do stand by 'do not do unto others that which you wouldn't want for yourself' However I have known people with different policies such as 'Do unto others BEFORE they do unto you'. But the one perhaps best fitting this debate is...

'Do what the fuck you like until you get caught'... because typically that is when people start inventing morals and the classic line 'I'm so sorry I didn't mean to hurt you'... no... truth is usually, 'Didn't mean to get caught out'.

Now I know that some ladies do it too but considering that such websites are infested with hubbies trying to cheat 'with intent' on their wives, put your hand up if you would just love to be a fly on the wall when solo-swinging-hubby gets home from a secret conquest that he walks in to find his best mate or the local football team fucking his wife

I dare say that most won't be feeling so clever then

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple over a year ago

hexham

"I have a question…. To those who really feel people need to walk a mile in someone’s before they can judge them, how many of the following would you need to borrow shoes from ?

A paedophile

A rapist

George Bush

A guy from a small East Asian village who sold his eldest daughter to the sex trade

A child abuser

The woman who threw the cat in a bin

The couple who tortured to death the child they were fostering

Robert Mugabe

The chav who beat up a pensioner to nick £10

Someone who vandalised your car

Pushy sales people cold calling in the evening

Katey Price

Just a thought."

Brilliant post polo, i for one am sick an tired of being told i should leave my morals at the door just because my sex life is unconventional.If adulterers don't like it tough, i dont like the fact they are using a swinging site whan there are escorts and affairs sites that would cater to their needs, if they were honest enough and self aware enough to accept what they really wanted.

As for "him without sin cast the first stone" ,i know i am a sinner and imperfect.What annoys me is people filling up the site and the forums with woe is me threads.

Your married and your sex life is crap...sort it,dont try to shag around believing great sex is some god given right.None of these men or women ever seem to consider it might be them, we hear excuse after excuse, but maybe they are the problem.

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple over a year ago

hexham

"Yet another thread taking the moral high ground.

Those of us who are here without our partners consent have our own reasons. Some will be good and some will be bad.

If you don't like it, that's tough, you know where the block button is, just don't have anything to do with the ones you don't approve of.

Just remember some of the wisest words in the bible though, "judge not, lest you be judged""

Where exactly in the bible is that

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By *ue care and attentionWoman over a year ago

birmingham

"I have a question…. To those who really feel people need to walk a mile in someone’s shoes before they can judge them, how many of the following would you need to borrow shoes from ?

A paedophile

A rapist

George Bush

A guy from a small East Asian village who sold his eldest daughter to the sex trade

A child abuser

The woman who threw the cat in a bin

The couple who tortured to death the child they were fostering

Robert Mugabe

The chav who beat up a pensioner to nick £10

Someone who vandalised your car

Pushy sales people cold calling in the evening

Katey Price

Just a thought."

Is this the same gategory you class most swingers in or just those you judge unbefitting?????

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple over a year ago

hexham

"Never fails to amaze me how people can be so judgemental when they aren't in or have never been in the situation of having to seek sex elsewhere. It's all well and good having such high morals when you are in a loving relationship or have successfully made the break, but don't for one minute think every situation is the same.

We all have our own reasons and I do not seek anyone's permission or judgement of what I chose to do.

My conscience is clear, my family are happpy and I am not in a violent or argumentative marraige, just a sexless one. I have also told my husband that I will leave once my kids have left school.

For those people who think I am not the type of person they would like to meet...shall I show you where the block button it????"

Three points occur to me,

Do you decieve him,have you tried to sort out his problem and if the marriage is that dead do you really think the kids are not all ready affected?

If kev could not shag me i would never leave him,and before you say i do not understand i had to make this choice about being a sub.

Excuses are easy to make.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What annoys me in this thread is the assumption by some that if you say YOU wouldn't be seeking sex with strangers whilst your OH was dying you're being judgemental, a "saint" or taking the moral high ground!

It's not my business what others do, but I KNOW there are things I'd never do and having sex with strangers is one of them. That's not pointing a finger at those that do, just stating what I WOULDN'T do!

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By *ue care and attentionWoman over a year ago

birmingham

We all have our own reasons and I do not seek anyone's permission or judgement of what I chose to do.

My conscience is clear, my family are happpy and I am not in a violent or argumentative marraige, just a sexless one. I have also told my husband that I will leave once my kids have left school.

For those people who think I am not the type of person they would like to meet...shall I show you where the block button it????

Three points occur to me,

Do you decieve him,have you tried to sort out his problem and if the marriage is that dead do you really think the kids are not all ready affected?

If kev could not shag me i would never leave him,and before you say i do not understand i had to make this choice about being a sub.

Excuses are easy to make."

In answer to your three points...

Do I deceive him...no he knows what I do

Yes we have discussed the problem...he choses not to resolve it

My kids are not affected as we do not argue over it

Excuses are only used by people who feel they need to justify them selves. Mind are not excuses

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple over a year ago

hexham

We all have our own reasons and I do not seek anyone's permission or judgement of what I chose to do.

My conscience is clear, my family are happpy and I am not in a violent or argumentative marraige, just a sexless one. I have also told my husband that I will leave once my kids have left school.

For those people who think I am not the type of person they would like to meet...shall I show you where the block button it????

Three points occur to me,

Do you decieve him,have you tried to sort out his problem and if the marriage is that dead do you really think the kids are not all ready affected?

If kev could not shag me i would never leave him,and before you say i do not understand i had to make this choice about being a sub.

Excuses are easy to make.

In answer to your three points...

Do I deceive him...no he knows what I do

Yes we have discussed the problem...he choses not to resolve it

My kids are not affected as we do not argue over it

Excuses are only used by people who feel they need to justify them selves. Mind are not excuses"

Then you arent causing any harm... the greatest commandment surely,and thank you for answering honestly.To me what matters most is not deceiving ourselves or others.

The reason this topic annoys me is that i know people who have been decieved purely because their partner was able to get a shag,rather than trying to sort out their marriage.

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By *ngieandMrManCouple over a year ago

hereford

"Yet another thread taking the moral high ground.

Those of us who are here without our partners consent have our own reasons. Some will be good and some will be bad.

If you don't like it, that's tough, you know where the block button is, just don't have anything to do with the ones you don't approve of.

Just remember some of the wisest words in the bible though, "judge not, lest you be judged""

I guess you might need to qualify what morals are. I'm not about to judge you personally and at least you've got the bollox to admit your are married and playing away so that those who choose to can avoid you.

What I don't get is why do you stay with your wife if sex if so important that you'll risk chucking it all away?

Now assuming the pictures on your profile are of you and another woman who is not your wife, it would be perfect evidence for a divorce that could cost you everything! But then you also say that 'sex isn't every thing'.

I really don't mean to judge, I just don't understand your logic

Equally I can't imagine your wife understanding your logic either.

Just as a matter of debate will you consider thinking back to a time when you did have what you thought was a sex life with your wife. Now consider that she thought it was crap and so sort after and got sex with other men and also put pictures of sex acts with other men on a public sex site... how would that have made you feel? And if it made you feel totally inadequate, useless, worthless and a failure as a man, what do you think she could say that would make it all better for you again?

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

Is this the same gategory you class most swingers in or just those you judge unbefitting?????"

Would you like me to rephrase the question?

It appears to me there are people in life who we are at liberty to freely judge negatively purely for their actions or lack of control. When judging any of the people on the list, do we do this without any guilt or come back from others saying “you need to walk a mile in their shoes" before you can have an opinion on their actions?

If we can freely judge one or more from the list because we find their actions morally offensive .....on what grounds do adulterers have immunity from judgement?

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By *leasureDomeMan over a year ago

all over the place

Is this the same gategory you class most swingers in or just those you judge unbefitting?????

Would you like me to rephrase the question?

If we can freely judge one or more from the list because we find their actions morally offensive .....on what grounds do adulterers have immunity from judgement?

its not really difficult, nearly all the examples you chose were either people who would have committed crimes or crimes against humanity,hardly in the same league as infidelity which the last time i looked is not an offence.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Sometimes life is not that simple"

oh so true!

its alwasy better from the outside looking in. Try living on the inside.

There are reasons why people cannot always get out ie for financial reasons.

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By *iewMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

"I have a question…. To those who really feel people need to walk a mile in someone’s shoes before they can judge them, how many of the following would you need to borrow shoes from ?

A paedophile

A rapist

George Bush

A guy from a small East Asian village who sold his eldest daughter to the sex trade

A child abuser

The woman who threw the cat in a bin

The couple who tortured to death the child they were fostering

Robert Mugabe

The chav who beat up a pensioner to nick £10

Someone who vandalised your car

Pushy sales people cold calling in the evening

Katey Price

Just a thought."

I said it and said it in the context of never having been married or in a long term relationship, so have nothing to draw on... so I posted in general terms and noted that. I also mentioned what action had been taken when I was a child by my parents when they were unhappy in their marriage.

No moral high ground from me in any of my posts.. then or now.

I have always and will always post re any 'single' marrieds being on here... their choice, but always be honest to allow an informed decision to be made.. and that is also with barebackers... bi guys or any serial killers lurking.

I couldn't care less if people dressed as Bin Laden, stuck a dead lobster up your arse, whilst duowanking a black and white man and singing Ebony and Ivory..

as long as there are no innocents ( kids) / vulnerable people involved and it is in the privacy of your home/club ... Go for it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have a question…. To those who really feel people need to walk a mile in someone’s before they can judge them, how many of the following would you need to borrow shoes from ?

A paedophile

A rapist

George Bush

A guy from a small East Asian village who sold his eldest daughter to the sex trade

A child abuser

The woman who threw the cat in a bin

The couple who tortured to death the child they were fostering

Robert Mugabe

The chav who beat up a pensioner to nick £10

Someone who vandalised your car

Pushy sales people cold calling in the evening

Katey Price

Just a thought.

As for "him without sin cast the first stone" ,i know i am a sinner and imperfect.What annoys me is people filling up the site and the forums with woe is me threads.

When I posted "or is it let he who is without sin caste the first stone" it was because I had not heard of "judge not, lest you be judged" not because I was questioning the morals of anyone

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

That's the trouble with life ya have ta make ya own decisions on what ta do in any situation there is no fuckin handbook unfortunately

What gets me sometimes is ok NONE of us are perfect but do we have ta be so harsh without understanding the full facts of ANY situation???

I know Polo's post was interesting and i agree to a point

However till about 6 or 7 years ago i thought murder was murder and that the person should automatically be punished full stop

I thought that there could be absolutely NO excuse or reason ta kill anyone else and that was MY _iew

Until that is i was a witness in an actual murder trial

I still think that murder is totally wrong and premeditated murder or actually premeditated ANYTHING (pedophilia robbery etc) should be dealt with very harshly

However the lines with EVERYTHING in this bloody life are blurred all the time

And till I actually know the full facts and understand them fully now I for one will NEVER rise to a quick and attacking judgement

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

Ahhh so does that mean we can judge people as long as someone else has said it is OK to do so by calling it a crime, but it's not OK to judge them because of our own beliefs? Is it only UK law which makes it OK to Judge? If it is a crime somewhere else does that count?

Dropping litter is an offence.

Because something has been defined as a crime does that make it worse than cheating on a partner?

I wonder who would be more devastated…. the partner finding out the love of their life has been lying to them so they could have sex with someone else or the partner who discovered the love of their life had dropped a Mars bar wrapper on the floor.

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By *leasureDomeMan over a year ago

all over the place

Dropping litter is an offence.

Because something has been defined as a crime does that make it worse than cheating on a partner?

well as soapy said unless you know all the facts about all the marriages that have failed it is not fair to lay a morality blanket saying all people who are married and playing on here are guilty of some sort of sin against society or even swinging.

If you accept there is a scenario where it would not be wrong for example your partner is in a persitant vegitative state and has been for 10 years with no likelyhood of recovery,once you accept that premise,you have to accept that every situation is different ,no one knows what goes on behind a front door except the people involved.

Already on here ,we have had someone very anti who upon questioning someone said well in your case "your not hurting anyone" ,that must be the case in not all..., but in quite a few cases ,i will never understand this blanket condemnation of people without knowing the any of the facts,it seems completely at odds with how society deals with it from Charles and Camilla downwards.

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By *leasureDomeMan over a year ago

all over the place

"That's the trouble with life ya have ta make ya own decisions on what ta do in any situation there is no fuckin handbook unfortunately

What gets me sometimes is ok NONE of us are perfect but do we have ta be so harsh without understanding the full facts of ANY situation???

I know Polo's post was interesting and i agree to a point

However till about 6 or 7 years ago i thought murder was murder and that the person should automatically be punished full stop

I thought that there could be absolutely NO excuse or reason ta kill anyone else and that was MY _iew

Until that is i was a witness in an actual murder trial

I still think that murder is totally wrong and premeditated murder or actually premeditated ANYTHING (pedophilia robbery etc) should be dealt with very harshly

However the lines with EVERYTHING in this bloody life are blurred all the time

And till I actually know the full facts and understand them fully now I for one will NEVER rise to a quick and attacking judgement "

i totally agree soapy well said

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Some will put there family first and sort it out when older . Some will say thay have no sex the passion and lust has gone so come here for a fix . I here that alot .

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By *leasureDomeMan over a year ago

all over the place

"Some will put there family first and sort it out when older . Some will say thay have no sex the passion and lust has gone so come here for a fix . I here that alot . "

well yes there is that too,marriage is a contract and as such the people in

should be able to vary that contract to suit the time and place they are currently living in

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

its no ones business but the individual persons why people stay married and do the whole swinging thing. It's not really fair to be so critical of others , kids , money , health , not wanting to be alone , everything anything are reasons . Until you are in the situation only then you can decide what is right for you ! and if it involves children then you know what is right .

So to stay or to go is someone elses choice . I have personally been is a violent relationship , had parents divorce is a nasty way but i still wouldnt feel able to advise people what to do its not my life they are living theres and im living mine

sorry for the rant just think some people voice ideas how people should live their lives without fact or personal knowledge xxx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Some will put there family first and sort it out when older . Some will say thay have no sex the passion and lust has gone so come here for a fix . I here that alot .

well yes there is that too,marriage is a contract and as such the people in

should be able to vary that contract to suit the time and place they are currently living in

Cheating on someone you love and being duplicitous about it is wrong no doubt. ..its just the blanket judgement on here sometimes without knowing the individual facts i find strange,on a site whose members have a mandate for NSA sex,its seems to apply sanctions not generally applied in society. "
its very hard to juge people when you dont know the in s and out .... so i dont .... i do get to here all sorts of storys and even at times feel sorry for some .. But theres always two sides of everything .. for some fab is a fix and escape from there normal every day life .... thats how thay cope.

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By *heekychezzaWoman over a year ago

warrington

well said Soapy....that's the very point I was trying to make.....not that I think it's right/acceptable for one person to cheat on another.....just that it's all too easy to condemn without knowing the particular situation.

Personally I have never cheated in any relationship I have been in. I have been cheated on in the past and am sure I would again be devastated if I found myself in that situation in the future.

Even so, whilst not condoning cheating I will still abstain from passing judgement on anyone until I really know what their situation is. Maybe my _iew will be seen as fence-sitting...so be it...I can live with that.

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By *mumaWoman over a year ago

Livingston

"well said Soapy....that's the very point I was trying to make.....not that I think it's right/acceptable for one person to cheat on another.....just that it's all too easy to condemn without knowing the particular situation.

Personally I have never cheated in any relationship I have been in. I have been cheated on in the past and am sure I would again be devastated if I found myself in that situation in the future.

+1. been there and lived through it, it was my personal situation. No-one died and made me God in order to pass judgement on others!

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By *ity Slickers PartiesCouple (MM) over a year ago

Brighton & Hove

"call me old-fashioned.

but if i married someone i wouldnt need anyone else.

my profile would go from here unless she wanted to meet as a couple.

but i would tell her if she didnt know about this.

I completely agree with you.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Will you marry me so we can swing together and be happy

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

You know my _iews on people being allowed to do what they want when they want as it isn't any concern of mine. I always defend the right of the married people on here to do just that.I never condemn marrieds and never will.....

BUT, as you say, this is a NSA site, where people can get NSA sex...so people might not want to know the in's and out's of a persons life to play with them....some people just have straight black and white _iews of wether they want to play with marrieds or not, and of course that is their choice. I doubt if listening to someones circumstances would change their _iew. They are allowed their choice, and people also know where they stand with it....just the same as married people playing alone have their choices.

If it was me playing on here alone, I wouldn't be offering any justification of why I would be doing it and I don't see why anyone has to do that either.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

totally agree !! x

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

Do I ask society to judge them?

Do I ask the swinging population to judge them?

I question the positioning of any person who feels they can tell me (or anyone else) I must walk a mile in someone's shoes before I can personally judge the shoe owner... yet they are at liberty to judge others (on the OK to judge list) without the need to exchange any footwear.

If someone personally believes they need to walk a mile in someone's shoes, then I have no problem with that. It is what they feel they need to do.

My questioning is more about rights (or not) of anyone else to decide who's shoes I must walk in before I can judge and who I can judge without their shoes?

And if I should choose not to walk in the shoes, how I must think I am perfect..... when actually far from claiming to be perfect, I am infact proclaiming my lack of perfection by my willingness to judge.

Is it not the people who claim they will not judge anyone without walking in the others shoes (unless they are on the OK to judge list of course... because we can make an exception for those)who are indirectly claiming to perfection, when I am prepaired to openly admit my weakness of judging people who cheat.

Just because there are some extreme and very rare circumstances where I would empathise with an individual's situation, does that validation enough to say if I accept their reason I must accept everyone elses? Is it poo!

As I have often said.... if they have a valid and acceptable enough reason for cheating, then why don't they go and explain it to their partner and get their permission? If their reason isn't good enough to be acceptable to their partner, then it's not good enough for me.

No one has the right to tell me I am not allowed that opinion prior to exchanging footwear.

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By *leasureDomeMan over a year ago

all over the place

If it was me playing on here alone, I wouldn't be offering any justification of why I would be doing it and I don't see why anyone has to do that either."

i cant fault your logic there rugby and agree with you your stance has always been non judgmental ,i think sometimes its like an irrational burn the witch ,burn the witch type mentality creeps in on cheating threads, yes we all know the issues ,yes holistically its wrong, but sometimes its down to personal circumstances and not as simple as ...ok now you have a bit of paper to say your divorced its ok to swing ,ooops no your still married ,its not

i will shut up on it now tho and give someone else a chance

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By *leasureDomeMan over a year ago

all over the place

well if you accept there are cases where you would empathise with a situation (rare or not) surely its makes it untenable to blanket critique all marrieds ,i do not mean you personally ,just conceptually,in other words it is down to individual circumstances,unless you or others know the circumstsances of every case on the site,everyone should naturally be beyond reproach.

How many times have we seen people shot down on threads for being married with no one knowing that individuals situation or circumstance ,thankfully these days its not as often.

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By *ap AdgeMan over a year ago

Wirral

its always a difficult situation too be in

awful really when sex goes out the window in a relationship it happened to me a few years back that she was having confused feelings for another woman eventually she said to me she was gay and wanted to live with her

so was quite hurt by he cheating i said in the end you should have told me paul.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

I think these type of threads have toned down a bit TBH PD,although obviously you will still get the people who think they are in a Relate session and try and give marriage advice to someone they don't know..... but there is still people with very strong _iews on both sides of the fence....but I think most people object to the justification of the cheater even more so than the cheating

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By *leasureDomeMan over a year ago

all over the place

"I think these type of threads have toned down a bit TBH PD,although obviously you will still get the people who think they are in a Relate session and try and give marriage advice to someone they don't know..... but there is still people with very strong _iews on both sides of the fence....but I think most people object to the justification of the cheater even more so than the cheating

i suppose they have calmed compared to 3 or 4 years ago tbh, which were very antagonistic from both sidesof the fence , it is a good sign that people can debate and put there point across without personalising it to the same extent it was before.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"might sound harsh, but if a woman gave me that reason for swinging, I would probably say something like, "if your hubby doesn't want to fuck you, what makes you think I will?"

My ex was impotent, I don't consider that any reflection on my desirability or sexual capability. Just a medical disorder on his part.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

" i find strange,on a site whose members have a mandate for NSA sex,its seems to apply sanctions "

Now you see: this statement annoys me. If people want to cheat it's NOT my business, but I resent the implication that because I'm on a site like this I can't choose who I play with!

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By *leasureDomeMan over a year ago

all over the place

" i find strange,on a site whose members have a mandate for NSA sex,its seems to apply sanctions

Now you see: this statement annoys me. If people want to cheat it's NOT my business, but I resent the implication that because I'm on a site like this I can't choose who I play with!

of course you can that is not the issue to me , the issue is the blanket stigmatisation of married singles ,when we know nothning of there background or individual circumstances.

As rugby pointed out earlier and i agree, you can apply any criteria you like and be accountable to no one with regard to who you meet,the trend on here is that married singles are generally stereotyped as being bad people,some maybe ,some may not, IMO they are not obliged to justify why they are on here or judged because of a bit of paper and nothing else.

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By *heekychezzaWoman over a year ago

warrington

" i find strange,on a site whose members have a mandate for NSA sex,its seems to apply sanctions

Now you see: this statement annoys me. If people want to cheat it's NOT my business, but I resent the implication that because I'm on a site like this I can't choose who I play with!

I don't see how you arrive at that. I haven't seen anywhere on the thread the suggestion or implication by any individual that every single person should do anything other than choose who they play with.

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

Ironically I have just been out to get some new shoes for walking in…. and it prompted a thought.

May be there is a point to the walking a mile in someone else’s shoes before judging… but not just the one pair, after all there are TWO pairs of shoes in the cheater’s story.

Generally most justifications presented on the forums include some degree of blame being cast upon the clueless partner. It may not be phrased as blaming the partner, however, using something the partner is or isn’t doing/giving/fulfilling as justification for their own choices and behaviour is indirectly blaming the partner to some degree…. to put it another way, they are indirectly saying “ IF my partner wasn’t blank blank blank….. I wouldn’t feel the need to be looking elsewhere.”

Do those who accept the reasons presented as justifiable ever stop and think “Before I accept what this person is saying, I really should walk a mile in their partner’s shoes to see both sides”

One pair of shoes will only ever give you a one sided bias version… and we all know there are two sides to such stories. If we are to be truly unbiased and objective observers, do we not need to walk a mile in both pairs of shoes?

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By *yrdwomanWoman over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

" i find strange,on a site whose members have a mandate for NSA sex,its seems to apply sanctions

Now you see: this statement annoys me. If people want to cheat it's NOT my business, but I resent the implication that because I'm on a site like this I can't choose who I play with!

The first quote suggests that, as a swinging couple, they should not blame others for being unfaithful, when, in essence, they are being openly unfaithful to each other. I think thats a different circumstance to one partber in the marriage not knowing that the other partner is shagging other people.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

In answer to the OP...Yep...if yer relationship has reached the point where you are very unhappy...best to end it,and move on. Lifes very short...demands alot of courage in some circumstances to walk into the unknown and face consequences, but so worth the release methinks, the alternative would be a journey into a false life, whereby I wouldn`t be happy anyway...living a lie corrupts my spirituality and relationship with myself and others...

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By *heekychezzaWoman over a year ago

warrington

"Ironically I have just been out to get some new shoes for walking in…. and it prompted a thought.

May be there is a point to the walking a mile in someone else’s shoes before judging… but not just the one pair, after all there are TWO pairs of shoes in the cheater’s story.

Do those who accept the reasons presented as justifiable ever stop and think “Before I accept what this person is saying, I really should walk a mile in their partner’s shoes to see both sides”

Totally valid point Polo

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Walk..don`t walk?..

Talk..don`t talk?.

I is befuddled

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By *ngieandMrManCouple over a year ago

hereford

Here's a hypothetical single persons profile text...

I'm genuine, I'm honest, I'm 100% reliable and straight. Safe-sex ONLY, I NEVER bare-back, I am STI free and have regular check-ups. I'm a non-smoker, I will always turn up etc. etc...

The PERFECT catch is he/she not? That is till we get to the... and I'm married and playing without my wife's/husbands knowledge or consent...

So you are going to be 100% honest with me/us, people who are total strangers to you but you will lie and cheat on your wife/husband. Now I don't know about anyone else but I think I can see some ambiguity there!

Now forgive me if you will for taking the liberty of considering that this hypothetical person might be risking say two children and a £200,000 house or much worse for a fuck with us, would it be rude/wrong of me to consider, maybe doubt anything else he/she claims?

Some poster have drawn parallels to things like murder and 'take a walk in the other persons shoes' and 'who the hell are you to judge' etc.

Well here's the thing, and I know this for a fact... it is sometimes the case that being betrayed IS ABSOLUTELY the worse thing that can happen to an individual. Total and permanent destruction of the victims self-worth, self-confidence making it impossible for them to EVER trust anyone ever again. As for murder... some do actually take their own lives as a direct result of being betrayed... FACT... it does happen!

Now you do not have to judge/condemn those who are tempted to betray others but you CAN do your best to avoid helping them to betray their partner.

So if you are a person who is betraying their partner 'with intent' and or a person taking advantage of the betrayers weakness do you really think its unfair if some people compare you to thieves, rapists and murderers considering that the end result for the aggrieved party could be the same/similar?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

" i find strange,on a site whose members have a mandate for NSA sex,its seems to apply sanctions

Now you see: this statement annoys me. If people want to cheat it's NOT my business, but I resent the implication that because I'm on a site like this I can't choose who I play with!

Read what I've quoted. I see PD saying this is a site for nsa so why are we applying sanctions: that's my interpretation!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This is all getting too deep for me. All I ask is not to be involved in other people's marital drama's I don't care what you do, I won't judge unless you say stupid things like "you're here for nsa sex: why should it matter?"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sometimes the thing with morality.is it sometimes consists solely of finding the courage to make a choice..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Its hard to say if its right, wrong or acceptable depending on the circumstances it’s the fact that its decent and people playing away are in effect chronic liars. If you are in a relationship surely it should be built on honesty.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Its hard to say if its right, wrong or acceptable depending on the circumstances it’s the fact that its decent and people playing away are in effect chronic liars. If you are in a relationship surely it should be built on honesty. "
For some there life is liaying and thay live like it . In the perfect world people in relationships would and should be open and truthfull but for some thay put up a front ... and thats how thay live everyday. I know people who are together for chidren and the split would give them half but thay wish to have it all .... its not easy for some and can drive them to do all sorts like Drink drugs as really unhappy .. its there life and thay pick to live it out like that.

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By *ue care and attentionWoman over a year ago

birmingham

I am married with kids

My hubby knows I play away

I am not a liar, I am honest

Pitty there are so many grouping generalisations...if you are this then you must be that!

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By *ue care and attentionWoman over a year ago

birmingham

"Its hard to say if its right, wrong or acceptable depending on the circumstances it’s the fact that its decent and people playing away are in effect chronic liars. If you are in a relationship surely it should be built on honesty. For some there life is liaying and thay live like it . In the perfect world people in relationships would and should be open and truthfull but for some thay put up a front ... and thats how thay live everyday. I know people who are together for chidren and the split would give them half but thay wish to have it all .... its not easy for some and can drive them to do all sorts like Drink drugs as really unhappy .. its there life and thay pick to live it out like that."

In a perfect world (if such a thing exists?) I'd be in a happy, loving, fullfilling relationship. Sadly mine is not and both of us are well aware of it and have reached an agreement. We both accept that we are mature enough to live with the situation while our kids are still at school. We put them first.

We are not fighting and while we are no longer "in love" we still "love" each other as many estranged parents do.

This may seem a bizarre life style to some but it suits me for now so I can hold my head up your honour!

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By *phroditeWoman over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"Its hard to say if its right, wrong or acceptable depending on the circumstances it’s the fact that its decent and people playing away are in effect chronic liars. If you are in a relationship surely it should be built on honesty. For some there life is liaying and thay live like it . In the perfect world people in relationships would and should be open and truthfull but for some thay put up a front ... and thats how thay live everyday. I know people who are together for chidren and the split would give them half but thay wish to have it all .... its not easy for some and can drive them to do all sorts like Drink drugs as really unhappy .. its there life and thay pick to live it out like that.

We are not fighting and while we are no longer "in love" we still "love" each other as many estranged parents do.

This may seem a bizarre life style to some but it suits me for now so I can hold my head up your honour!"

Sounds honest and mature to me!

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

I am married with kids

My hubby knows I play away

I am not a liar, I am honest

Pitty there are so many grouping generalisations...if you are this then you must be that!"

As you say, your husband knows.

Assuming the partner is still consciously aware of being in a relationship, when a married person has sex with people without their partner's knowledge or consent (ie cheating), it's a pretty safe bet they are also lying.

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By *phroditeWoman over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

Pitty there are so many grouping generalisations...if you are this then you must be that!"

It just dawned on me...why and how does it actually matter what people say? At the end of the, nobody has the right to tell anybody how to lead their lives, so consequently... it really does not matter if anybody judges...and if they do... just ignore it

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By *ngieandMrManCouple over a year ago

hereford

Pitty there are so many grouping generalisations...if you are this then you must be that!

Sorry but that is nonsense... else by your logic if I beat my neighbours cat with a big stick its no ones business if I choose to conduct my life as a cat-beater, no one should dare to comment on or judge my character etc. I should just be left to do as I choose? Of course not!

Those of us with the ability to reason, the ability to be reasonable with a sense of humanity, caring and compassion should feel a duty of responsibility to help and protect those who are less able to.

But hey ho, no doubt there will be people out there who hate cats and would support someone who thinks its ok to harm them

And isn't that the fundamental point/question of this debate... is it OK to help other people abuse their partners? Isn't that what happens when some one says 'It's none of my business if the person I have sex with is married or not, its not for me to judge.'

In our society EVERYONE knows it is not considered acceptable to have sex with someone else's partner without their expressed consent. And so those who do it KNOW that its WRONG.

'Oh yes I screw people who are betraying their partner but its ok, because at least I'm not one of those nasty judgemental bastards you hear about in the Fabswingers forums'

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We are not fighting and while we are no longer "in love" we still "love" each other as many estranged parents do.

This may seem a bizarre life style to some but it suits me for now so I can hold my head up your honour!"
Its not bizarre its being open about how you feel and that take some gutts .... You have found away to cope x I know married couples wife knows the man play around and really happy about it , As long as every 3 years she get a new car and have her Barclay card payed. You See no ones the same and people just do whats right for them ..No ones perfect i have been married over 25 years and thats only because we are open about everything and i dont feel like a caged bird. x

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By *heekychezzaWoman over a year ago

warrington

In our society EVERYONE knows it is not considered acceptable to have sex with someone else's partner without their expressed consent. And so those who do it KNOW that its WRONG.

Ah but.........in our society EVERYONE knows it is not considered acceptable to have sex with someone other than the person you are married to....after all have not the majority of married people made a vow..."forsaking all others keep thee only unto him/her"... the majority of our society (at least overtly) believe we swingers behave in a disgusting, depraved way, and the majority Know it is WRONG.

We each make choices about moral standards......and most object to at least some of the judgements passed about us.

I will stick to my opinion that I try not to judge unless I know all the facts of a situation.

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By *leasureDomeMan over a year ago

all over the place

" i find strange,on a site whose members have a mandate for NSA sex,its seems to apply sanctions

Now you see: this statement annoys me. If people want to cheat it's NOT my business, but I resent the implication that because I'm on a site like this I can't choose who I play with!

Read what I've quoted. I see PD saying this is a site for nsa so why are we applying sanctions: that's my interpretation!"

You continue to take that line of mine out of context to form it into another meaning ,even tho i have explained underneath its meaning when you first did it.

If your going to quote things ,and comment why not at least leave them in the position and context they were intended rather than Skew there true meaning and try to crucify someone on something they never actually ment.

Why you continue to Skew the meaning even though you have had it fully clarified i have no idea

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By *leasureDomeMan over a year ago

all over the place

just to clarify where i stand in this debate to eliminate any further "misunderstandings " To duplicitously cheat on a husband or wife is wrong. (unless due to illness ie pvs,mental illness\ it is not possible for the partner to comprehend)

To be a single married on this site is not wrong,there are many reasons people break up, not always infidelity ! there are such reasons as dissertion, ,unresonable behaviour,violence to name but a few.

What some people seem to advocate is that once someone says they are married and swinging alone,(regardless of knowing the reason or their current status,whether if they are victim or perhaps perpertrator) they want to lump them in with the cheaters.

How can that possibly be right, lumping all people married and going through divorce and treating them as cheaters without knowing the back ground and the facts, less than 25% of divorce in this country is due to infidelity (figures ONS).

So there is the potential for there to be many people on here who are not in the "cheaters" camp,some will be quite legitimately be on here awaiting divorce and completely innocent ,there only mistake being they have been too honest on here when setting up there profiles.

Many on the site jump on married singles as if they are commiting the ultimate sin regardless of knowing the reason behind there status

My position is, rather than classing people as guilty without any real evidence (other than at best superficial),I prefer to assume innocence,isnt that how our legal system is supposed to work in this country ?

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

Correct me if I am wrong PD.... but if a married couple are going through divorce, the relationship has ended... it's over... face down in the water... dead... it is no more... it is the parrot which has fallen off of the perch motionless on the floor of the cage.

Still being married is not the issue.

Plenty of couples (in what at least one of them thinks is a monogamous relationship) don't have a bit of paper to say they are married.

The OP asks... if you are in an unhappy relationship, why not get out of the relationship?

I believe going through a divorce is just that.... the married has ended, it's just not copnfirmed in writing yet.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think you have it just about right there. Its the dishonesty and subterfuge and lack of respect that hurts someone when they find out. There is a big difference between someone knowing and accepting it and someone who is being deceived with lies and excuses all the time.

If you need sex so badly then at least give your partner the grace of telling them and they can choose if they want to stop in a relationship.

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple over a year ago

hexham

If you need sex so badly then at least give your partner the grace of telling them and they can choose if they want to stop in a relationship. "

Exactly my thoughts! Many on here have less than conventional relationships and play with the consent of their partner.

My relationship with my Master brings me happiness, pleasure and takes me places i would never have believed possible.

Would i give that up if kev withdrew his consent?Of course.

You can play away without deceiving anyone,but once the deception starts where do you draw the line?

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman over a year ago

little house on the praire

Cheaters are cheaters. Why not join a site for extramarital relationships instead of wrapping it up as swinging.

Someone cheating on a partner who is terminally ill or unable to understand is not only a coward but extremely callious to put a shag before the dignity of their loved one.

That is only my opinion.

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By *leasureDomeMan over a year ago

all over the place

"Correct me if I am wrong PD.... but if a married couple are going through divorce, the relationship has ended... it's over... face down in the water... dead... it is no more... it is the parrot which has fallen off of the perch motionless on the floor of the cage.

Still being married is not the issue.

Plenty of couples (in what at least one of them thinks is a monogamous relationship) don't have a bit of paper to say they are married.

The OP asks... if you are in an unhappy relationship, why not get out of the relationship?

I believe going through a divorce is just that.... the married has ended, it's just not copnfirmed in writing yet."

exactly you appear to agree ,unfortunately the attack button against married singles is pressed far too soon and without knowing all the facts.

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

Still being married is not the issue.

Plenty of couples (in what at least one of them thinks is a monogamous relationship) don't have a bit of paper to say they are married.

The OP asks... if you are in an unhappy relationship, why not get out of the relationship?

I believe going through a divorce is just that.... the married has ended, it's just not copnfirmed in writing yet.

exactly you appear to agree ,unfortunately the attack button against married singles is pressed far too soon and without knowing all the facts."

If the only place your marriage exists is on a bit of paper and both sides of the former partnership know that... you have no relationship and so cannot be cheating.

I think we are all grown up to know which situations the gereralised comments are aimed at.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

exactly you appear to agree ,unfortunately the attack button against married singles is pressed far too soon and without knowing all the facts."

You really do seem to be missing the point PD....some people see marrieds as just that,married.... so whatever reason they give for cheating, it wouldn't matter, they are cheating.

Meaning some people won't meet them or need to know the reason why they are cheating.

We have to accept that no matter how much justification people try to do, foe lots of people, it wouldn't matter.

I can't see people who are against cheating giving someone a sympathy shag because they are informed that their spouse has been ill and can't play.

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By *iggles and BeardyCouple over a year ago

Bristol

When we goto a club and end up playing, the question of is this single actualy single or is this couple realy a couple or is one of them cheeting on a partner is the last thing on our mind.

Were not there concience or keeper, if they are screwing around behind a partners back it's not our concern and if a partner ever turned up and complained we would tell them to sort it out between them.

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By *leasureDomeMan over a year ago

all over the place

exactly you appear to agree ,unfortunately the attack button against married singles is pressed far too soon and without knowing all the facts.

You really do seem to be missing the point PD....some people see marrieds as just that,married.... so whatever reason they give for cheating, it wouldn't matter, they are cheating.

Meaning some people won't meet them or need to know the reason why they are cheating.

We have to accept that no matter how much justification people try to do, foe lots of people, it wouldn't matter.

I can't see people who are against cheating giving someone a sympathy shag because they are informed that their spouse has been ill and can't play.

no i think your missing the point tbh ,there are people on here, who will be on here declared as married, but in the process of divorce or in a situation where there partner through illness could not understand whats going on or may even have deserted them and gone walkabout making the divorce process nigh on impossible.

People where no infidelity has taken place,now if you accept that premis

that possiblity and on a site of what 30-40,000 it is quite feasible.

What is not feasible or expected is that people explain there own personal,circumstances to differentiate themselves from the Cheaters.

With that in mind is it right to put a negative spin on all married singles on this site,yeah choose who you want to meet or not meet using your own criteria of course. But with declared married singles "The cheater" accusation tends to be blanket and goes in with no caveat as to who it intends to hit.

Basically i am saying ,although a person is a married single on this site ,it does not mean they are automtically commiting adultery ,infidelity whatever you want to call it.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman over a year ago

little house on the praire

If someone is in the process of getting divorced then they are not in a committed relationship. Jay is married, him and his wife have never divorced. Lots of people are going through a divorce. I think your being pedantic with that one.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

Going through a divorce means they are nearly free to do what they want...infact answering to no one so not cheating on a wife /husband at home and I very much doubt that they would describe themselves as attached.

That is totally different to the OP question and what we were debating. ie married people with spouses who don't know they are cheating etc....and I am guessing you know that.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

PS, I admire your stance on people doing what they want without needing to answer to other swingers, and I have the same _iew, but I think you are losing the admiration from me by being pedantic now.

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

Being married and on here does not make someone a cheater.

Cheating makes them a cheater.

People who call cheaters cheats, object to the act of cheating.

If you are in a situation where having sex with someone else doesn't require you to cheat (ie... if you told your partner what you had done they wouldn't call you a cheating bastard), then you are not a cheater.

If someone wants to go and cheat on their partner... that's their call. If they want it to be their business, they should keep it their business.

The things I object to are:

1 - being told I cannot have a general opinion about cheating, because I am judging the cheats.

2 - people who post their justification/excuses for being a cheat wanting to be juidged in a positive "oh I can totally understand your situation" type of way... who then throw a wobbly because they are not judged the way they wanted to be.

3 - People who I am not judging telling me I can't judge someone who has put it out there to be judged if I am not going to walk in their shoes or pat the feckin' cheating cheater on the back.

4 - and most of all..... being told because I am on a swinging site I should not have a problem with the concept of cheating or the people who choose to do it.

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By *leasureDomeMan over a year ago

all over the place

"PS, I admire your stance on people doing what they want without needing to answer to other swingers, and I have the same _iew, but I think you are losing the admiration from me by being pedantic now."

dont you think its pedantic to say once you label yourself as married and single your a cheater ? ,which has always been the only position i have taken,of course when i say you, i dont mean you personally.

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By *leasureDomeMan over a year ago

all over the place

"Being married and on here does not make someone a cheater.

Cheating makes them a cheater.

People who call cheaters cheats, object to the act of cheating.

If someone wants to go and cheat on their partner... that's their call. If they want it to be their business, they should keep it their business.

The things I object to are:

1 - being told I cannot have a general opinion about cheating, because I am judging the cheats.

3 - People who I am not judging telling me I can't judge someone who has put it out there to be judged if I am not going to walk in their shoes or pat the feckin' cheating cheater on the back.

4 - and most of all..... being told because I am on a swinging site I should not have a problem with the concept of cheating or the people who choose to do it.

1.wasnt aware that had happened

2.havent seen that but if its true i agree

3.i dont think that happened either on this thread ,but yeah thats entirely up to you

4.well that has not happened either,not on this thread ,but i would generally agree with you

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By *umourCouple over a year ago

Rushden

"Being married and on here does not make someone a cheater.

Cheating makes them a cheater.

People who call cheaters cheats, object to the act of cheating.

If someone wants to go and cheat on their partner... that's their call. If they want it to be their business, they should keep it their business.

The things I object to are:

1 - being told I cannot have a general opinion about cheating, because I am judging the cheats.

3 - People who I am not judging telling me I can't judge someone who has put it out there to be judged if I am not going to walk in their shoes or pat the feckin' cheating cheater on the back.

4 - and most of all..... being told because I am on a swinging site I should not have a problem with the concept of cheating or the people who choose to do it.

Excellent, Polo x I stand beside you on that!

Just one thing for everyone... Because cheaters can't have a papertrail of payment and this is a free site, I think the "problem" of cheaters will only get worse for those who do not like their actions! This site is rapidly becoming a dating site rather than a swingers site and in my opinion has gone downhill in the last year or so..

There are too many people without an opinion on anything if you believe them and slate people for being judgmental, which is in itself a judgment! That makes it OK to critisise someone who has put a post on a forum if they don't like it but it is wrong to pass judgment on someone who cheats? Nah, that shit is wrong!

Just nature of the beast and we have met some lovely couples on here, but really only come here for those and to read the forum. Swinging we do on a pay site!

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

PD... I was talking generally... my opinion applies whether it has or hasn't appeared directly or indirectly as an undertone in this thread.

You yourself (in this thread) refer to what has happened in other threads (rather than this one). I can quote it if you like.... but I prefer not to and keep it as a general comment.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Being married and on here does not make someone a cheater.

Cheating makes them a cheater.

People who call cheaters cheats, object to the act of cheating.

If someone wants to go and cheat on their partner... that's their call. If they want it to be their business, they should keep it their business.

The things I object to are:

1 - being told I cannot have a general opinion about cheating, because I am judging the cheats.

3 - People who I am not judging telling me I can't judge someone who has put it out there to be judged if I am not going to walk in their shoes or pat the feckin' cheating cheater on the back.

4 - and most of all..... being told because I am on a swinging site I should not have a problem with the concept of cheating or the people who choose to do it.

Sigh...I thought it was me: my point of _iew entirely!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If a person is in a swinging club without a wedding ring on, no telltale sign of where a wedding ring should be, and claims he/she is single.. would those that normally wouldn't play with a married person play with this particular person?

I am married yet I don't wear my ring the majority of the time as I remove all jewellry when at home - wallet, watch, rings etc all come off and go on the sideboard. My wedding finger does not have a white band on it where my ring should be, nor tan lines either side of where my ring should be. I could pass for a single man in a club if I chose to. And not tell anyone I meet that I am married.

That is deceit, of course. Which is why I respect those marrieds who do make it known they are married even if I may or may not condone that they are playing away, that's their business, but at least if you've been given all the information you can make an informed choice as to whether you want to play with that person or not.

Now let's say that person is drop dead gorgeous and offering it on a plate.

My point being that morals have an uncanny way of being forgotten about when lust pops up and says "Hiya!"

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

Lost me on that one, sorry.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A lot of people on here care far too much about what other people do in their lives.

My _iew is if it doesn't directly affect you, keep your nose out. It's not hard.

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"A lot of people on here care far too much about what other people do in their lives.

My _iew is if it doesn't directly affect you, keep your nose out. It's not hard."

Yet you felt the need to post what we should do, rather than keep your nose out?

Hmmm interesting.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm a walking contradiction, baby.

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"I'm a walking contradiction, baby."

As many of us can be at times

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By *leasureDomeMan over a year ago

all over the place

"If a person is in a swinging club without a wedding ring on, no telltale sign of where a wedding ring should be, and claims he/she is single.. would those that normally wouldn't play with a married person play with this particular person?

Now let's say that person is drop dead gorgeous and offering it on a plate.

My point being that morals have an uncanny way of being forgotten about when lust pops up and says "Hiya!""

its a fair point wishy re the clubs

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"A lot of people on here care far too much about what other people do in their lives.

My _iew is if it doesn't directly affect you, keep your nose out. It's not hard."

That's a bit of an oximoron isn't it? I mean if you meant what you say wouldn't you have ignored this post?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Well the way i look at it in the marriage vows it says honour. Now if you are lying and deceiving someone you can’t be doing that. Ok each to their own and you can’t make people follow your _iews but hey you don’t have to respect someone who openly cheats whatever the reason.

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By *abioMan over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

"A lot of people on here care far too much about what other people do in their lives.

My _iew is if it doesn't directly affect you, keep your nose out. It's not hard."

hard to do that though if people only come on here and tell one side of a story....

I have just decided that maybe the best solution maybe to stick a clause in the "at sickness and in health" part of the vowels... okay.. that was flippant...

people say we don't shouldn't judge, but we all do it... for example how many people have you looked at someone and made an instant judgement on what they are wearing....

what it comes down to in the end is someones own personal moral code (not saying at that someones is better than someone elses.. just different)

life isn't black and white... there is no right answers

would i personally?... probably not... but like a lot of people its the justification that people give is what does my head in.....

if polo had changed her list and it had been something like this...

the pope

ryan giggs

cheryl cole

wayne rooney

katie price

maggie thatcher

nick clegg

george bush

tiger woods

if then some of the following answers would have been different....

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By *umourCouple over a year ago

Rushden

"A lot of people on here care far too much about what other people do in their lives.

My _iew is if it doesn't directly affect you, keep your nose out. It's not hard.

hard to do that though if people only come on here and tell one side of a story....

I have just decided that maybe the best solution maybe to stick a clause in the "at sickness and in health" part of the vowels... okay.. that was flippant...

people say we don't shouldn't judge, but we all do it... for example how many people have you looked at someone and made an instant judgement on what they are wearing....

what it comes down to in the end is someones own personal moral code (not saying at that someones is better than someone elses.. just different)

life isn't black and white... there is no right answers

would i personally?... probably not... but like a lot of people its the justification that people give is what does my head in.....

if polo had changed her list and it had been something like this...

the pope

ryan giggs

cheryl cole

wayne rooney

katie price

maggie thatcher

nick clegg

george bush

tiger woods

if then some of the following answers would have been different...."

Nicely put Fabio... And welcome back and get 100% soon matey

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By *ngieandMrManCouple over a year ago

hereford

I would just like to say by way of a compliment to all that this is great post, it nice to see a good 'debate' without any blood spilled (so far

)

Please do feel free to judge us...

We were both living together and having a sexual relationship while married... to other people.

We have had a sexual event with a married guy.

We turned down a guy who wasn't married.

Now lets put that into context...

We were not actually divorced before we started to conduct and sexual relationship and live together as a couple. However, H got her divorce quite quickly and mine took a few years but our marriages were completely dissolved in all but the paperwork... In fact the second time I went to spend the weekend with H I gave her husband a lift to the train station so he could go visit his new girlfriend.

The married guy we had a swing session with... we spoke to his 'consenting' wife before the event took place.

The unmarried guy we turned down was because he had a girlfriend who was unaware of his swinging intentions.

To a large extent the term/fact of being married is being used loosely to mean 'in a relationship with another person' and it can become an issue when the other person is unaware of their partners activities.

I am entitled to judge or form opinions about the character/morals/integrity of another person that I may or may not have ANY sort of relationship with, be it major or minor. I will do that based on ANY information or life experience that is available to me that might help me form the best and most accurate assessment of said person/people.

In that, I don't think I am any different from anyone else on the whole planet, however my conclusions may not always be the same as the next person.

Religious people would probably say that we were WRONG to have a relationship with each other while actually still married. In law we both committed adultery! But what we did NOT do was hurt our 'married to' ex-partners. The marriage contracts and promises that we made were fully dissolved by mutual agreement, there was no lies of deceit involved... only the paperwork remained.

If the human race was NOT judgmental the whole planet would be in an incredible mess, much more so than it is now!

Because I 'judge' that such things as theft and murder are wrong, else I might do both! The law doesn't stop me from doing these things, it can only perhaps punish me if I get caught doing such things. This pretty much applies to everyone in some shape or form. There are things you will do, because you 'judge it' to be OK and other things that you will not do because you 'judge it' not to be ok... or will everyone say 'I do not murder because its against the law'?

It seems that what it all comes down to for some people is 'turning a blind eye' to suit what they want.

We will not have relations with a person the might compromise a relationship that they might have with another person... because we do not want to be a part of hurting ANYONE in ANYWAY. Fair to say that in this hobby the most likely compromise would be betrayal.

If someone stops me in the street and says "Would you like to buy this £500 watch for £50?" It COULD be legitimate but there is also a good chance its been stolen. No matter how much I might WANT that watch I will not risk 'helping' what 'might be' a thief. However the next person he asks might 'turn a blind eye' to the most likely probability and take advantage of the offer and thus provide perpetuation and a market place for theft. While they might sleep soundly, very pleased with their bargain purchase and not giving a toss about the implications of their action it certainly does NOT suit me and I certainly do not wish to have ANY sort of relationship with either the seller or the buyer!

Have I ever bought stolen goods? Probably but not knowingly or even slightly suspicious that it might be stolen goods.

I was born judgemental as EVERYONE is, and have become more judgemental with age and experience, as this time and experience allows me to get better and better at it. Some times I might get it wrong, most of the time I get it right and I always apply it for the good

Signed,

Judgemental

(and proud to have some life skills in the subject)

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By *umourCouple over a year ago

Rushden

"I would just like to say by way of a compliment to all that this is great post, it nice to see a good 'debate' without any blood spilled (so far

)

Please do feel free to judge us...

We were both living together and having a sexual relationship while married... to other people.

We have had a sexual event with a married guy.

We turned down a guy who wasn't married.

Now lets put that into context...

The married guy we had a swing session with... we spoke to his 'consenting' wife before the event took place.

The unmarried guy we turned down was because he had a girlfriend who was unaware of his swinging intentions.

In that, I don't think I am any different from anyone else on the whole planet, however my conclusions may not always be the same as the next person.

If the human race was NOT judgmental the whole planet would be in an incredible mess, much more so than it is now!

It seems that what it all comes down to for some people is 'turning a blind eye' to suit what they want.

Have I ever bought stolen goods? Probably but not knowingly or even slightly suspicious that it might be stolen goods.

Signed,

Judgemental

(and proud to have some life skills in the subject)

Make that Ditto for us! And thanks guys for a well written piece that sums it all up nicely!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Well the way i look at it in the marriage vows it says honour. Now if you are lying and deceiving someone you can’t be doing that. "

Oh I hate it when people harp on about the wedding vows on these cheating discussions. All of us couples who had a traditional wedding with traditional vows are breaking them - "forsaking all others, be faithful only to him/her". It doesnt say, unless you're a swinger and you can fuck who you like.

Everyone will continue to do what they like. We do all judge to some degree. Yes I agree that to try and justify the cheating is pointless but I do think that in a club situation people will play with whoever they like. It doesnt matter if the guys are wearing rings or not. Ive been in close situations when ive heard guys asking couples if they want to play, I have never heard a couple or a single woman ask a guy if he is married or has a partner. I do think that we can give it all the moral high code on a forum, in reality I think its different.

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple over a year ago

hexham

"Well the way i look at it in the marriage vows it says honour. Now if you are lying and deceiving someone you can’t be doing that.

The difference,to my mind is that in a club a man does not try to justify or excuse his actions,which happens on the forums.Secondly there is no relationship building in clubs.i have said before i wud have no problem with these men going to escorts,although i still think they would be better trying to sort their marriage.However what they are doing really pushes any workable definition of swinging,and i think taints the rest of us in the eyes of the wider world.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Id probably make a guess that most of us who go to clubs have played with a married man whose partner is not aware of the situation. And then a lot of us will come on the forums and say, oh I wouldnt play with a married man, its wrong.

Are we ourselves trying to justify or excuse our actions and our morals by saying, oh what goes on in clubs is different.

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By *yrdwomanWoman over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"Id probably make a guess that most of us who go to clubs have played with a married man whose partner is not aware of the situation. And then a lot of us will come on the forums and say, oh I wouldnt play with a married man, its wrong.

Are we ourselves trying to justify or excuse our actions and our morals by saying, oh what goes on in clubs is different. "

For all I know the men I meet at GBs are all married. I don't really care. I prefer meeting single men but only because they can meet whenever. Married men usually only meet at 2.30pm on the second Wednesday after a full moon!

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

For me, knowingly arranging to have sex with someone who is cheating is pretty much aiding and abetting. Yeah they may well go off and find someone else, but I won’t have made it happen. I won’t have invited them into my bed. I won’t be the reason they are in the hotel room.

I used the analogy some time back that knowingly asking a cheat if they are free tonight and would they like to come over, was no different to me going down to a dodgy pub and asking the local tea leaf if they can get me a cheap microwave. I would be encouraging them to go out and have a detrimental effect on someone else’s life.

If I go to a car boot sale and a guy has a stall with a few microwaves on it, I could ask him if they are stolen…. but would I get an honest answer if they were? If they obviously looked stolen, would I buy one? No. But more importantly to me… if they don't appear to be nicked and I buy a nicked one in good faith... I can live with that, as I know I didn't actively encourage him to go out and nick them.

That’s how I see the club situation, others may not. There has to be some element of good faith that they are there with consent …. especially if you like playing in open rooms. There is little point in standing up every time more guys join in to ask if everyone has brought their letter of consent. I know I can never be sure if they are at liberty to be there or not, but at least I know I didn’t invite them or encourage them to be there at the club… and that’s the most important bit for me.

It’s not a case of ignorance is bliss; it’s more about what is reasonably practicable. The only way to be 100% sure is to not fuck anyone… a bit like safe sex really.

I can however hand on heart say if I was chatting to a guy and he told me he was there and his wife didn’t know, I wouldn’t be agreeing to play with him…. no matter how much of a hunk he was.

That has not always been the case, a number of years ago I had quite a different _iew. But now, I just couldn’t knowingly agree to do it because of how it would make me feel about myself.

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By *he_original_poloWoman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

Are we ourselves trying to justify or excuse our actions and our morals by saying, oh what goes on in clubs is different. "

Nope.

Whether arranging a 1-2-1 or playing at a club, the same words and phrases count...

1 - knowingly

2 - good faith

3 - reasonably practicable

If someone doesn't want you to know they are cheating on a partner, it doesn't matter whether you are on here, in a club or anywhere else.

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple over a year ago

hexham

"For me, knowingly arranging to have sex with someone who is cheating is pretty much aiding and abetting. Yeah they may well go off and find someone else, but I won’t have made it happen. I won’t have invited them into my bed. I won’t be the reason they are in the hotel room.

It’s not a case of ignorance is bliss; it’s more about what is reasonably practicable. The only way to be 100% sure is to not fuck anyone… a bit like safe sex really.

I can however hand on heart say if I was chatting to a guy and he told me he was there and his wife didn’t know, I wouldn’t be agreeing to play with him…. no matter how much of a hunk he was.

That has not always been the case, a number of years ago I had quite a different _iew. But now, I just couldn’t knowingly agree to do it because of how it would make me feel about myself.

Yet again you have said what i meant so much better

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Being married and on here does not make someone a cheater.

Cheating makes them a cheater.

People who call cheaters cheats, object to the act of cheating.

If someone wants to go and cheat on their partner... that's their call. If they want it to be their business, they should keep it their business.

The things I object to are:

1 - being told I cannot have a general opinion about cheating, because I am judging the cheats.

3 - People who I am not judging telling me I can't judge someone who has put it out there to be judged if I am not going to walk in their shoes or pat the feckin' cheating cheater on the back.

4 - and most of all..... being told because I am on a swinging site I should not have a problem with the concept of cheating or the people who choose to do it.

Good post.

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By *iewMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

"Being married and on here does not make someone a cheater.

Cheating makes them a cheater.

People who call cheaters cheats, object to the act of cheating.

If someone wants to go and cheat on their partner... that's their call. If they want it to be their business, they should keep it their business.

The things I object to are:

1 - being told I cannot have a general opinion about cheating, because I am judging the cheats.

3 - People who I am not judging telling me I can't judge someone who has put it out there to be judged if I am not going to walk in their shoes or pat the feckin' cheating cheater on the back.

4 - and most of all..... being told because I am on a swinging site I should not have a problem with the concept of cheating or the people who choose to do it.

Good post."

yes it is.

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By *iewMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

and again it goes down to honesty and personal integrity..

first to yourself

then to any partner

and to any potential playmate on here..

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