Mr President. The Betelgeuse star of Orion is about to go supernova and wipe out all life on Earth. Our only chance is to tell everyone in the world to say it's name three times

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My name is maximise Decius meridius, which ways the lav I need a shit

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"No let's stay together rather than split off into vulnerable small groups that are easy to kill"

Not only that but I really do think we should switch the light on before going down into the cellar!!

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By *yrdwomanWoman over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I drive a Prius.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why has that music started?

https://youtu.be/a4FuQXFV7zE

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Ok and the next topic is Unlikely Things To Hear In A Blockbuster Movie"

That there heroine is rather plain looking isn't she?

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By *yrdwomanWoman over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I'm so glad I wore running shoes to visit the guaranteed safe dinosaur park, and not those stupid stilettos.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Hey look, a disused farmhouse in the middle of nowhere with animal carcasses and human looking bones everywhere. Let's stop and ask for a cup of sugar.

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By *a Fee VerteWoman over a year ago

Limbo

Right madam settle down, stop showing off and go to sleep - that headspinning is most unladylike

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By *yrdwomanWoman over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

You're from Asgard? Is that near Croydon?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You know the best way to solve this dispute? Diplomacy.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's much too dark in that cellar for me to go down those steps.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

No I've never fired a gun and wouldn't know where to start

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

So Mr Bond I've stripped you naked, removed all your gadgets and done a full rectal examination to ensure you've none hidden there ....NOW I expect you to die!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Lets have a laugh playing this funny round from Mock The Week.

The first topic is Unlikely Lines To Hear In A Porno"

Oh shit I've forgot my lines....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Ok and the next topic is Unlikely Things To Hear In A Blockbuster Movie"

the missiles are all loaded into the trucks, the satellite equipment is all programmed. We are about to take over the world!!!!.... just give me a couple of minutes, I just need to nip to the loo

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By *ack2071Man over a year ago

bromsgrove

You saw someone outside carying a knife and you want me to go and investigate fuck that love im calling the police from the car in the garage with doors locked whilst driving like a racing driver to next town , but you can look if you want .

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By *anillaguyMan over a year ago

Kingston

"What do you mean the good guys don't win?"

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By *ubSirVient-DefinitionCouple over a year ago

dukinfield

What's that Mr Bond, you want to commandeer my car? Does your insurance policy have driving other vehicles on it?

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By *ack2071Man over a year ago

bromsgrove

No bond that's not new weapon its moneypennys vibrator

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Ok and the next topic is Things That A Customer Assistant Would Never Say

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"Ok and the next topic is Things That A Customer Assistant Would Never Say"

Yes Madam, your bum does look big in that!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yes that's the smallest dildo we do... however you look like you could take the maximus.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Excuse me. The movie is over and there is nothing after the end credits so would you all kindly piss off

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By *ack2071Man over a year ago

bromsgrove

It's cheaper if you buy it at the market.

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By *ack2071Man over a year ago

bromsgrove

Yes madam , of coarse not madam it fits perfectly madam no there's plenty of room .

Batteries madam there's no batteries for it .

I think you want the sex shop down the high street madam next to optians madam as that's a marrow you have stuffed in your fanny and this is the green grossers'. ...

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By *obwithkiltMan over a year ago

Belton

You would like a piece of classical music sir? which composer would you like?all you know is that he is male and dead...well that narrows it down to 70% of our stock then sir

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By *ack2071Man over a year ago

bromsgrove

Morning madam morning wanker welcome to hand shandy sperm bank deposits in pots please and don't be offended if we don't shake your hand upon leaving .

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By *isaB45Woman over a year ago

Fabville

It's 5 minutes to closing time. Piss off!

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By *ack2071Man over a year ago

bromsgrove

Help yourself it is all crap anyway

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

no I'm sorry madam, its not the mirrors its you, you re a funny shape

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

I'd really not recommend taking out the extra insurance on your electrical item Sir, there's so many caveats around what it actually covers that it's not worth it.

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