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Super Swing al rescate!
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
You wake and open your eyes. They are a bit blurry as you come to and you blink several times to clear them.
You realise that sat in the corner of the room is Monday. He looks at you and says 'Good Morning. Another week begins. A week full of promise and opportunities. Oh, but what have I brought you? Emails, meetings, colleagues, fuckwits. Mwhahaha where is that promise now? How are those opportunities looking?' An evil low chuckle floats across the room.
In the distance you hear a low whistle. Out of the corner of your eye you see a blurred shape crossing the sky and heading straight for you. But what is it?
Is it a bird? Is it a plane?
No it's Super Swing coming to the rescue.
If I could take one job you have to do at work today off your hands? To lighten your load. What would it be? What would make your day bearable at least if not happy? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Having a wank.. will you do that instead 
Whats this work you speak of.. im staying snuggled up in my quilt all day lol"
Disqualified  Wanking isn't work.
And I'd much rather watch you do it |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've got a report to write on the spatial distribution of health services in Wales 
If you could just calculate the distance of people to their nearest hospital for me I'd be very greatful   "
Can I use a spreadsheet? I'll do it anyway but I do like a spreadsheet |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Having a wank.. will you do that instead
Whats this work you speak of.. im staying snuggled up in my quilt all day lol
Disqualified Wanking isn't work.
And I'd much rather watch you do it "
It could be and you know you want too |
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"I've got a report to write on the spatial distribution of health services in Wales
If you could just calculate the distance of people to their nearest hospital for me I'd be very greatful
Can I use a spreadsheet? I'll do it anyway but I do like a spreadsheet "
save it as a csv file and you're on  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Answering a load of emails after sorting the accounts out. I could sit back with a cuppa then.  "
How do you take your tea? I'll get those emails sorted first though |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I go to work for a rest! My job is pretty easy going, but you could sit opposite me and give me a better view 
#smoooooooth"
Eye candy? I'll give that a go. Skirt and no knickers and the occasional Sharon Stone moment do you? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Answering a load of emails after sorting the accounts out. I could sit back with a cuppa then.
How do you take your tea? I'll get those emails sorted first though"
Not too strong, milk no sugar |
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"You wake and open your eyes. They are a bit blurry as you come to and you blink several times to clear them.
You realise that sat in the corner of the room is Monday. He looks at you and says 'Good Morning. Another week begins. A week full of promise and opportunities. Oh, but what have I brought you? Emails, meetings, colleagues, fuckwits. Mwhahaha where is that promise now? How are those opportunities looking?' An evil low chuckle floats across the room.
In the distance you hear a low whistle. Out of the corner of your eye you see a blurred shape crossing the sky and heading straight for you. But what is it?
Is it a bird? Is it a plane?
No it's Super Swing coming to the rescue.
If I could take one job you have to do at work today off your hands? To lighten your load. What would it be? What would make your day bearable at least if not happy?"
Build me a new website would you please? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"You wake and open your eyes. They are a bit blurry as you come to and you blink several times to clear them.
You realise that sat in the corner of the room is Monday. He looks at you and says 'Good Morning. Another week begins. A week full of promise and opportunities. Oh, but what have I brought you? Emails, meetings, colleagues, fuckwits. Mwhahaha where is that promise now? How are those opportunities looking?' An evil low chuckle floats across the room.
In the distance you hear a low whistle. Out of the corner of your eye you see a blurred shape crossing the sky and heading straight for you. But what is it?
Is it a bird? Is it a plane?
No it's Super Swing coming to the rescue.
If I could take one job you have to do at work today off your hands? To lighten your load. What would it be? What would make your day bearable at least if not happy?
Build me a new website would you please? "
comic sans the font of choice? |
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"You wake and open your eyes. They are a bit blurry as you come to and you blink several times to clear them.
You realise that sat in the corner of the room is Monday. He looks at you and says 'Good Morning. Another week begins. A week full of promise and opportunities. Oh, but what have I brought you? Emails, meetings, colleagues, fuckwits. Mwhahaha where is that promise now? How are those opportunities looking?' An evil low chuckle floats across the room.
In the distance you hear a low whistle. Out of the corner of your eye you see a blurred shape crossing the sky and heading straight for you. But what is it?
Is it a bird? Is it a plane?
No it's Super Swing coming to the rescue.
If I could take one job you have to do at work today off your hands? To lighten your load. What would it be? What would make your day bearable at least if not happy?
Build me a new website would you please?
comic sans the font of choice?"
Lol oh no, something more earnest please!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I go to work for a rest! My job is pretty easy going, but you could sit opposite me and give me a better view
#smoooooooth
Eye candy? I'll give that a go. Skirt and no knickers and the occasional Sharon Stone moment do you?"
No Swing no! This is my scenario!
You'll wear Fireman gear and sit there looking hot! You'll wink at me every now and then and when i'm on the phone you'll look me square in the eye and mouth the words "let's fuck"
Then you'll twang your braces and rub your groin in a suggestive manner.
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"You wake and open your eyes. They are a bit blurry as you come to and you blink several times to clear them.
You realise that sat in the corner of the room is Monday. He looks at you and says 'Good Morning. Another week begins. A week full of promise and opportunities. Oh, but what have I brought you? Emails, meetings, colleagues, fuckwits. Mwhahaha where is that promise now? How are those opportunities looking?' An evil low chuckle floats across the room.
In the distance you hear a low whistle. Out of the corner of your eye you see a blurred shape crossing the sky and heading straight for you. But what is it?
Is it a bird? Is it a plane?
No it's Super Swing coming to the rescue.
If I could take one job you have to do at work today off your hands? To lighten your load. What would it be? What would make your day bearable at least if not happy?
Build me a new website would you please?
comic sans the font of choice?
Lol oh no, something more earnest please! "
Right - got it boss - back to the drawing board |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Good morning Mrs SB , you are like a ray of sunshine every morning.
I aw feeling quite grumpy last night , not like me .
I am off for the next two days , so some splendid wanders with pooch. We don't mind the rain we will just jump in puddles x |
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"Good morning Mrs SB , you are like a ray of sunshine every morning.
I aw feeling quite grumpy last night , not like me .
I am off for the next two days , so some splendid wanders with pooch. We don't mind the rain we will just jump in puddles x "
Grumpy taff unacceptable |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Dear SuperSwing
Please can you rewrite the last section on the job application I did as not got it quite right
I will make tea
Thanks
MrsD"
Affirmative having received a number over the past few weeks I'd be glad to help |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Give me a slap and tell me to get my head back in the game?
I've been trying to do it myself for the last couple of days but just can't be arsed to get round to it |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"My working day's being annoyingly interrupted by an appointment for an internal ultrasound scan.  Maybe Super Swing would like to do that in my place ? .... ta muchly. "
I didn't think this through properly did I?
But I'm all for new experiences so let them know I'm on my way |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Give me a slap and tell me to get my head back in the game?
I've been trying to do it myself for the last couple of days but just can't be arsed to get round to it "
I'm a lover not a fighter #cheese
But the thought of doing is often worse than the doing itself. Positive vibes sent in your direction.
Go get em tiger |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My working day's being annoyingly interrupted by an appointment for an internal ultrasound scan. Maybe Super Swing would like to do that in my place ? .... ta muchly.
I didn't think this through properly did I?
But I'm all for new experiences so let them know I'm on my way "
I was about to type that I thought you'd 'won' this Monday business; now I'm not so sure |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"My working day's being annoyingly interrupted by an appointment for an internal ultrasound scan. Maybe Super Swing would like to do that in my place ? .... ta muchly.
I didn't think this through properly did I?
But I'm all for new experiences so let them know I'm on my way
I was about to type that I thought you'd 'won' this Monday business; now I'm not so sure "
I'll let you know. Hopefully I'm not pregnant as well |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Give me a slap and tell me to get my head back in the game?
I've been trying to do it myself for the last couple of days but just can't be arsed to get round to it
I'm a lover not a fighter #cheese
But the thought of doing is often worse than the doing itself. Positive vibes sent in your direction.
Go get em tiger"
Meow |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Swing can you please bob to the shop for me. I'll give you enogh money so you can get yourself a coffee. I need
Anasol
Drinking yoga (The ones with healthy bat in)
Quiet life pills.
Ta PTU XXX |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've got this little thing on at 1pm that you could do in my stead, if you fancy? I'd rather hide in bed!!!"
Swing, come on man, don't leave her hanging!
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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago
Bristol |
Team meeting right at the end of the day due, reviewing data and improvement plans. I shall be mostly biting my tongue and hoping that people don't start moaning about the ridiculousness of their targets. We all know they're ridiculous anyway so don't need a long drawn out discussion on them since management won't listen anyway. So if help is available maybe it could be in the form of a pastry cannon being fired from across the room to stuff up the mouths of moaning gobshites with chocolate eclairs or something so there is no any other business? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've got this little thing on at 1pm that you could do in my stead, if you fancy? I'd rather hide in bed!!!"
You've 28 minutes to brief me. Let's do this! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Team meeting right at the end of the day due, reviewing data and improvement plans. I shall be mostly biting my tongue and hoping that people don't start moaning about the ridiculousness of their targets. We all know they're ridiculous anyway so don't need a long drawn out discussion on them since management won't listen anyway. So if help is available maybe it could be in the form of a pastry cannon being fired from across the room to stuff up the mouths of moaning gobshites with chocolate eclairs or something so there is no any other business?"
You need meeting cards including a 'move on' card that can be held up when people feel a subject has been done to death.
I am sourcing a pastry cannon though and will be on my way |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Swing can you please bob to the shop for me. I'll give you enogh money so you can get yourself a coffee. I need
Anasol
Drinking yoga (The ones with healthy bat in)
Quiet life pills.
Ta PTU XXX "
Ace. List copied, I'm on my way |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Good morning.
And how can I help you this morning lovely lady?
Have a wank k
and deprive you of one? I couldn't do such a thing
Pussy  "
if you're offering |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I've got to take my daughter who is 7 and likely autistic for a blood test, it's going to be horrific. Your welcome to do that if you like?"
I'll fit it in around my internal ultrasound.
|
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"I've got to take my daughter who is 7 and likely autistic for a blood test, it's going to be horrific. Your welcome to do that if you like?
I'll fit it in around my internal ultrasound.
"
Thanks, that will definitely make my afternoon bearable, I'll put the kettle on |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've got this little thing on at 1pm that you could do in my stead, if you fancy? I'd rather hide in bed!!!
You've 28 minutes to brief me. Let's do this!"
Too late. I had to do it myself. Pfffft. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've got this little thing on at 1pm that you could do in my stead, if you fancy? I'd rather hide in bed!!!
You've 28 minutes to brief me. Let's do this!
Too late. I had to do it myself. Pfffft. "
But it went well though? Please say yes?  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've got to take my daughter who is 7 and likely autistic for a blood test, it's going to be horrific. Your welcome to do that if you like?
I'll fit it in around my internal ultrasound.
Oh "
I didn't expect medical requests but I did offer.
And fucking hell that arse is spectacular  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've got this little thing on at 1pm that you could do in my stead, if you fancy? I'd rather hide in bed!!!
You've 28 minutes to brief me. Let's do this!
Too late. I had to do it myself. Pfffft.
But it went well though? Please say yes? "
I didn't fall, faint, dribble or cry. It went well on that basis. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've got this little thing on at 1pm that you could do in my stead, if you fancy? I'd rather hide in bed!!!
You've 28 minutes to brief me. Let's do this!
Too late. I had to do it myself. Pfffft.
But it went well though? Please say yes?
I didn't fall, faint, dribble or cry. It went well on that basis. "
Phew! That's a relief.
I hate interviews. Have had some really useless ones |
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