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Attitudes to sex
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By *yldstyle OP Woman
over a year ago
A world of my own |
You would assume on here everyone is quite liberal, open minded and very casual about sex. However are you really? For me sex is still a big ish deal. For instance I can't just do it for sake of it. I need an attraction,and a bit of a connection. I almost need to be in the right place to do it, and I need to be shaved, shower fresh or its not happening. I couldn't ever imagine having several in one day/night. Though part of me wishes I could be more casual about it. (And I'm not judging those that are)
How do you go from seeing it as quite a big deal to just seeing it as something as casual and easy?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I dont think its just you, everyone is different so they have their own way of doing.
Personally i wouldnt mind having more than 1 partner a day but i would need a shower and refresh inbetween |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You would assume on here everyone is quite liberal, open minded and very casual about sex. However are you really? For me sex is still a big ish deal. For instance I can't just do it for sake of it. I need an attraction,and a bit of a connection. I almost need to be in the right place to do it, and I need to be shaved, shower fresh or its not happening. I couldn't ever imagine having several in one day/night. Though part of me wishes I could be more casual about it. (And I'm not judging those that are)
How do you go from seeing it as quite a big deal to just seeing it as something as casual and easy?
"
I'm like you I can't just do it for the sake of it, well I can but alone and by myself  I need connection, attraction, bla bla bla as well. |
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By *yldstyle OP Woman
over a year ago
A world of my own |
I think my post came out wrong really. Before anyone says I'm insinuating people don't shower!
I suppose what I'm really getting at is how do you become relaxed about it enough to not constantly be worrying what the person/people you're with are thinking of you? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You would assume on here everyone is quite liberal, open minded and very casual about sex. However are you really? For me sex is still a big ish deal. For instance I can't just do it for sake of it. I need an attraction,and a bit of a connection. I almost need to be in the right place to do it, and I need to be shaved, shower fresh or its not happening. I couldn't ever imagine having several in one day/night. Though part of me wishes I could be more casual about it. (And I'm not judging those that are)
How do you go from seeing it as quite a big deal to just seeing it as something as casual and easy?
"
Personally speaking, I would hate it to go from being quite a big deal to something casual and easy...
there always has to be a connection and I enjoy the process of getting to know someone, to arranging to meet, to the preparation...it all adds to the anticipation..
I couldn't ever do a fuck n go scenario as its just not my thing |
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Why would you want to change how you view sex? If that's who you are just accept it, you accept other people's attitudes towards it.
Women have so much rubbish talked at them about sex that its not surprising some feel its something that needs to be "special". I see it more like food. Sometimes you want silver service and sometimes you want a take away  .
I think it helps when you realise it's a two or more way exchange and as long as everyone is equal and respectful of each other its all good. |
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I too need an attraction and connection, not so much be in the right place like you. Sometimes the passion can take over so the showering aspect can be skipped (although I am always showered before a meet)
as for it being possible to go from it being a big deal to more casual, I'm not sure. I can still meet people and have that connection, enjoy the moment without expecting anything more. |
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"You would assume on here everyone is quite liberal, open minded and very casual about sex. However are you really? For me sex is still a big ish deal. For instance I can't just do it for sake of it. I need an attraction,and a bit of a connection. I almost need to be in the right place to do it, and I need to be shaved, shower fresh or its not happening. I couldn't ever imagine having several in one day/night. Though part of me wishes I could be more casual about it. (And I'm not judging those that are)
How do you go from seeing it as quite a big deal to just seeing it as something as casual and easy?
Personally speaking, I would hate it to go from being quite a big deal to something casual and easy...
there always has to be a connection and I enjoy the process of getting to know someone, to arranging to meet, to the preparation...it all adds to the anticipation..
I couldn't ever do a fuck n go scenario as its just not my thing"
You nailed it, that's exactly it!!! |
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"I think my post came out wrong really. Before anyone says I'm insinuating people don't shower!
I suppose what I'm really getting at is how do you become relaxed about it enough to not constantly be worrying what the person/people you're with are thinking of you?"
I did wonder if it's other people's perceptions you were concerned about.
We steer away from people who clearly think that women who enjoy sex are bad or wrong and there are plenty of them. We also avoid couples who obviously feel that they are a cut above everyone else because of how they play.
Then there are the singles who blithely and proudly tell us that they would never want to see someone they loved with someone else.
It leaves a small group of people who genuinely understand that sex isn't about love or ownership but about enjoyment, respect and mutual pleasure.
If we get the impression that people are making negative judgements about us we walk. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I used to have some real hang ups about sex and about it being dirty. That's thanks to my up bringing.
I now view it completely differently.
I do like a connection with someone and I need to be attracted to them.
In the past I have just fucked guys for the sake of it and several in the same day. I must admit, I'd didn't leave me feeling very good and to be honest, not very fulfilled. I guess I was looking for something that I didn't find?
Sex for me is just that, a physical act. It fulfils a need. Making love is something very different and to be shared with someone special. It's a meeting of bodies and minds. |
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By *ddit...Man
over a year ago
Land of the giants... ;-) |
"I think my post came out wrong really. Before anyone says I'm insinuating people don't shower!
I suppose what I'm really getting at is how do you become relaxed about it enough to not constantly be worrying what the person/people you're with are thinking of you?"
sex is a big deal... if it's not then it's not exciting enough... I'm sure you're a big deal...  |
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It's all in my head my brain needs stimulating, I was told not so long ago I was hard work because of it. Someone who knows me said initially I am hard work but the rewards far outweigh the effort required. I can't see the point in compromising otherwise the sex is unfulfilling and leaves you craving more!! So casual and easy isn't for me |
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"It's all in my head my brain needs stimulating, I was told not so long ago I was hard work because of it. Someone who knows me said initially I am hard work but the rewards far outweigh the effort required. I can't see the point in compromising otherwise the sex is unfulfilling and leaves you craving more!! So casual and easy isn't for me "
Quite right. If it's worth doing people will put the effort in. |
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"It's all in my head my brain needs stimulating, I was told not so long ago I was hard work because of it. Someone who knows me said initially I am hard work but the rewards far outweigh the effort required. I can't see the point in compromising otherwise the sex is unfulfilling and leaves you craving more!! So casual and easy isn't for me
Quite right. If it's worth doing people will put the effort in. "
Not always the case lol |
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By *a KatWoman
over a year ago
Northwest |
"I think my post came out wrong really. Before anyone says I'm insinuating people don't shower!
I suppose what I'm really getting at is how do you become relaxed about it enough to not constantly be worrying what the person/people you're with are thinking of you?
I did wonder if it's other people's perceptions you were concerned about.
We steer away from people who clearly think that women who enjoy sex are bad or wrong and there are plenty of them. We also avoid couples who obviously feel that they are a cut above everyone else because of how they play.
Then there are the singles who blithely and proudly tell us that they would never want to see someone they loved with someone else.
It leaves a small group of people who genuinely understand that sex isn't about love or ownership but about enjoyment, respect and mutual pleasure.
If we get the impression that people are making negative judgements about us we walk."
I am a hostess at a club. When busy, I cannot play, however, we do get days that are quite, especially when there are no other ladies, I like to keep the gentleman happy. It matters not who they are, as long as you're a nice person, I play. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Somewhat agree OP.
Though for me, it's connection which leads to attraction. And trust, which is built over time. Certain 'activities' rely on trust and communication, which come with time and effort.
I'm just not a Panda kinda guy! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Maybe it's an age thing, but I've found that I don't get aroused at the drop of a hat (or a pair of knickers!)There needs to be a mutual spark, otherwise I'm just standing there like a spare.... |
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"It's all in my head my brain needs stimulating, I was told not so long ago I was hard work because of it. Someone who knows me said initially I am hard work but the rewards far outweigh the effort required. I can't see the point in compromising otherwise the sex is unfulfilling and leaves you craving more!! So casual and easy isn't for me
Quite right. If it's worth doing people will put the effort in.
Not always the case lol"
Well those worth the effort might |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The lovely NaughtyNymphos once said something on a thread and I've got it locked in my brain ever since.
Along the lines of- if they think you are a slag/ slut/ whatever but you think they are a nice guy... they are the loser cos they are the one shagging a 'slut'! You're having fun with a nice guy. Hope that makes sense!
People will always judge, you cantstop them. But you know the truth about you and that's all that matters.
If men play the game and shut their gob about what they really think then that's fine by me. 
99.9% of the time their true thoughts become known so I have a wank instead. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You would assume on here everyone is quite liberal, open minded and very casual about sex. However are you really? For me sex is still a big ish deal. For instance I can't just do it for sake of it. I need an attraction,and a bit of a connection. I almost need to be in the right place to do it, and I need to be shaved, shower fresh or its not happening. I couldn't ever imagine having several in one day/night. Though part of me wishes I could be more casual about it. (And I'm not judging those that are)
How do you go from seeing it as quite a big deal to just seeing it as something as casual and easy?
"
You can still be liberal open minded and casual about sex and still have morals self respect and personal boundaries etc.
Seek out those with similar ideals as yourself and you will be fine.
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
•+• Access Denied •+• |
i can do casual and have done, i just really like sex a lot and want that. there still has to be some attraction and guys can put me off them, looks or personality.
i don't think you need to change at all. but if you wanted to i suppose you should focus on why you want that sex?
coz that's all casual sex is, sex for the sake of satisfying sexual urges. |
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"It's all in my head my brain needs stimulating, I was told not so long ago I was hard work because of it. Someone who knows me said initially I am hard work but the rewards far outweigh the effort required. I can't see the point in compromising otherwise the sex is unfulfilling and leaves you craving more!! So casual and easy isn't for me
Quite right. If it's worth doing people will put the effort in.
Not always the case lol
Well those worth the effort might"
I take it you put the effort in then? Lol |
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"I think my post came out wrong really. Before anyone says I'm insinuating people don't shower!
I suppose what I'm really getting at is how do you become relaxed about it enough to not constantly be worrying what the person/people you're with are thinking of you?"
I think it's a similar process for many of our other personality elements, such as self-esteem, general confidence as well as attitudes overall, where they'll often make small incremental movements. Then we cumulatively reach positions that can be far from their initial points. We do make some rapid and huge jumps but I think that most of them happen bit by bit. We may still be surprised when we gain an insight into our newer selves, by contrast with the former us.
And so with sexual aspects of ourselves. Some people are very different to others, unabashed, confident being naked or having sex in front of others etc. Connection etc with partners and needing attraction - many of us need the former and most if not all the latter. The experience may be more than just the partners - where it is, how things are done and a lot more. We each carry our own meanings and significances - a gang bang in its own right could be a huge turn on, for example.
The act of sex varies in its meaning hugely - from very intimate and loving, for example, to a behaviour that's almost as humdrum everyday, like eating. It's almost towards becoming a life commodity there, breathing, eating, drinking, having some sex.
Where we are on these many spectrum measurements is up to ourselves. We can nudge ourselves to change, if we wish, without waiting for chance to get us to a different perspective. If we're content, then this is all that probably matters. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I agree with you OP! I don't meet often and when I do it's after talking for weeks or even months. If I don't have some form of mental, physical and emotional - at times - attraction and connection with someone, then sex feels like it's lacking. Quality over quantity. |
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I would suggest it's different for singles .
We often engage in casual sexual hook ups , and although there has to be a connection and an attraction , we often have two or three meets in one night .
We are simply looking for a good time , no emotional needs ,( as we have that with each other ), and to fulfill ours and our meets desires .
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When I was part of a couple it was as totally different. It was just hook ups mainly in clubs and we always went home together. However as a single it's totally different and like you OP I struggle but only time will tell. |
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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago
in the eye of the storm |
i don't view sex as easy or casual on grounds of to me sex is far more than a physical act .
its a exchange of power and energy to me i need total surrender from my play partners
i need to control the delivery of pleasure and yes pain
i needed them to summit to my will totally before i will even consider taking my pleasure physically with them and i need to feel even more empowered by there surrender before i will even consider allowing myself to enjoy the body in a pleasurable way for me let alone thinking about climaxing with them .
mix into that the fact i am turned on and need true intimacy during the time I'm topping someone and well its easy to tell from above I'm not the kind of person who finds sex a easy casual thing that I'm able to do with anyone interested in doing it with me  |
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"You would assume on here everyone is quite liberal, open minded and very casual about sex. However are you really? For me sex is still a big ish deal. For instance I can't just do it for sake of it. I need an attraction,and a bit of a connection. I almost need to be in the right place to do it, and I need to be shaved, shower fresh or its not happening. I couldn't ever imagine having several in one day/night. Though part of me wishes I could be more casual about it. (And I'm not judging those that are)
How do you go from seeing it as quite a big deal to just seeing it as something as casual and easy?
"
I hear you . I am same as you . I just had a weekend fully free for myself but spent snuggling on sofa with my dog rather then saying yes to some random to meet for sex . I can't do it . If they don't stimulate my mind and I don't know anything about the person no chance I would even meet for a social . I wish I am more relaxed and my mind setting is different as it's a struggle having such a high sex drive and not being able to or wanting to have sex with just someone casual . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would suggest it's different for singles .
We often engage in casual sexual hook ups , and although there has to be a connection and an attraction , we often have two or three meets in one night .
We are simply looking for a good time , no emotional needs ,( as we have that with each other ), and to fulfill ours and our meets desires .
"
This makes perfect sense to me. I find it different now as a single compared to when I was part of a couple. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I suppose what I'm really getting at is how do you become relaxed about it enough to not constantly be worrying what the person/people you're with are thinking of you?"
I really think you should be concentrating less on what others think of you and more on what you think of them!
Some good posts, I agree there is no need to be more casual than you feel comfortable with. Be picky, take your time, shower even  With time and experience your confidence will build up. |
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