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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Why did I shut myself down during my first visit at a club tonight?
One minute I'm enjoying myself having a small chat and then the next minute, I'm own my own not saying anything just sat there feeling shut down. I had to go the bar for the rest of the night to snap myself out of it. Bruce helped bring my spirits up which I was glad otherwise I probably would have ended up leaving early. I did have a nice chat and a laugh while I was at the bar though.
As much as it was a nice evening, wish I had enjoyed myself even more without shutting down earlier in the evening. |
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By *r Man.Man
over a year ago
London |
Going to a swingers club should be treated like going to any other vanilla club by yourself.
Go with no expectations chat have a laugh, and don't look like a miserable sod.
I use to have a local club to me 'club lick' back in the day.
And I was always at the bar chatting with the bar man with a smile and looking like which I was enjoying myself. It was the ideal place for me, because every body saw me, and who ever wanted a smiling chatty confident looking man, would always say hi with a smile or with words,
Hope that helps
Mr man. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Glad to hear you went. You've done the hard part by just going.
You said you chatted to people, which is more than some men do.
I've been a few times and it is hard to talk to people, but the bar is the right place to be. You don't feel as though you're impossing on people then when you chat.
Next time you go it'll be easier as you'll recognise people and be able to chat easier. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks everyone. This really helps. I am proud that I went to the club by myself despite having Asperger's.
Going there again will definitely be easier as I know now what to expect.
Hopefully I will chat to more people while I'm at the bar the next time I go |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Spin I'm so pleased you went yes you had a set back but you made the 1st step of going be proud of yourself just don't give up keep going and getting used to the place not many single blokes would go alone let alone one with Asperger's  xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hey you did better than a lot of guys on here. You went and on your own. So now at least you know what to expect.  "
This this this this!!!!
See plenty of guys who won't go, the hardest part is getting through the door and you did it.
A massive step In the right direction op |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Hey you did better than a lot of guys on here. You went and on your own. So now at least you know what to expect.
This this this this!!!!
See plenty of guys who won't go, the hardest part is getting through the door and you did it.
A massive step In the right direction op "
Yes indeed. I've taken a big step into a larger world |
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Well done for going to a club alone spin - it takes a lot of courage just to walk through the door on your first visit.
Don't be too hard on yourself for shutting down part way through the evening. I've been going to a club regularly since October and I have evenings where i'm just not feeling it and I head home early.
I'm sure you will find it easier next time. Just don't rush it or put any pressure on yourself. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Well done for going to a club alone spin - it takes a lot of courage just to walk through the door on your first visit.
Don't be too hard on yourself for shutting down part way through the evening. I've been going to a club regularly since October and I have evenings where i'm just not feeling it and I head home early.
I'm sure you will find it easier next time. Just don't rush it or put any pressure on yourself."
Thank you. It did indeed take a lot of courage to go on my own. I overcame my fears and I'm much happier now to have experiened what it was like going to a club like Cupids.
I'll definitely make sure not to rush things and not to put pressure on myself on my next visit |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Agree Spindler, well done for going on your own and it will definitely get easier, the more you go and chat with people and get to know them. Have fun! "
Thanks. I'm sure I will next time |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It's actually very brave to go by yourself to a swinging club where you potentially don't know anyone. Frankly it takes guts."
Yeah. It was very brave of me to make it to the club and I'm very glad I overcame my fears and finally ventured somewhere new |
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If you go a few times with your mind conditioned to not playing, then you might relax more ?
Then maybe work up from staying at the bar to having wander round and watching.
It's not clear what you really want from a club OP? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If you go a few times with your mind conditioned to not playing, then you might relax more ?
Then maybe work up from staying at the bar to having wander round and watching.
It's not clear what you really want from a club OP?"
I did go with a mindset of not expecting anything. Not sure if I would be up for wandering about and watching just yet.
I basically wanted to chat with people and make plenty of friends while I was at the club really |
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"If you go a few times with your mind conditioned to not playing, then you might relax more ?
Then maybe work up from staying at the bar to having wander round and watching.
It's not clear what you really want from a club OP?
I did go with a mindset of not expecting anything. Not sure if I would be up for wandering about and watching just yet.
I basically wanted to chat with people and make plenty of friends while I was at the club really "
 it's good that you go with this clear in your mind then. I think plenty of people do the same |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If you go a few times with your mind conditioned to not playing, then you might relax more ?
Then maybe work up from staying at the bar to having wander round and watching.
It's not clear what you really want from a club OP?
I did go with a mindset of not expecting anything. Not sure if I would be up for wandering about and watching just yet.
I basically wanted to chat with people and make plenty of friends while I was at the club really
it's good that you go with this clear in your mind then. I think plenty of people do the same "
Yeah definitely |
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Not many can claim their first time to be a mind blowing experience, and it will improve with time 
