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Mens feelings.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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A new campaign is urging boys to open up about their emotions, following research which suggests they are six times less likely than girls to seek support for suicidal feelings
Wayne Rooney is a spokesman fo this too.
Not really aimed at just suicidal feelings I'm sure. Men are looked as being a little soft if we talk about feelings aren't we. Is this where it all stems from?
Should men toughen up? Man up, and keep it to themselves and ovoid looking weak?
Does it show a man to be honest with his feelings if he's more open?
Can you be an alpha male if you talk honestly?
Just a rumination for the day.  |
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Men and women don't feel differently about the important things. I think they should be encouraged to open up. It's a long road though a friend of mine dumped a guy because he needed anti depressants, she thought he should man up because men "don't get depressed". If some women think like that there really does need to be a change. |
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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
This is an important thing for me
I had a nervous beakdown due to work 3 years ago. But I was suffering at least a year to a couple of years beforehand
There is still a lot stigma about mental illness in general, and even higher stigma about mental illness in young 18-30 males. Unfortunately there is just a big gap of support for us.
I think a lot has to do with society's thinking men should be strong and be this butch person that doesn't open up. This is wear society is starting to change and say it's ok to be upset,
To tell people you are struggling or having difficulties
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Men should be encouraged to open up about their feelings. I find it very sexy a man who can talk openly about how he's feeling and lets me under that tough exterior.
You experience the same things in life women do, so why is it ok for society to look at it as being the sign of a weak man to show his feelings. I think women also need to look at how we see men as much as men need to change. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have children with a man who has attempted suicide on three seperate occassions as a result of severe depression.
Losing a parent to suicide makes children more likely to die by suicide themselves and increases their risk of developing a range of major psychiatric disorders, (according to a study - Johns Hopkins Children's Center - believed to be the largest study to date on the subject).
I would always encourage others to talk about their feelings, be they men or women, if they are struggling.
I don't believe it makes you less of a person. If anything it shows great courage.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I believe it all starts how children are brought up.its a stigma that follows boys. They should be tough not talk about it.
Things that are bottled up will turn into issues that later hurt the person and other around. Talk about your feelings. Open up. Be honest. |
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There's a debate at work, on our "exchange" feedback on the intranet, that we need a men's network; just as there are women's groups, disability groups, LGBTQ etc.
A lot of people are dismissive, saying that there's no need to promote men's issues as they already "hold all the cards" in the workplace and don't need a network.
That there should be special interest groups e.g. football, where men can chat 
However I believe that this so called alpha male crap is just that, a load of BS 
Men struggle to find an identity in modern society and media as much as any other group, to conform to an "ideal" that is often quite outdated 
Men are actually in a minority in my workplace (only 45%); and there's a place, surely, to discuss problems that we face, including suicide, depression, paternity rights, and yes, the cost of a season ticket at a premier league football club  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Talk, share, open up. Fuck what traditional opinions dictate. People struggle and should be encouraged to seek help. The 'pull yourself together' has ruined far too many lives. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There's a debate at work, on our "exchange" feedback on the intranet, that we need a men's network; just as there are women's groups, disability groups, LGBTQ etc.
A lot of people are dismissive, saying that there's no need to promote men's issues as they already "hold all the cards" in the workplace and don't need a network.
That there should be special interest groups e.g. football, where men can chat
However I believe that this so called alpha male crap is just that, a load of BS
Men struggle to find an identity in modern society and media as much as any other group, to conform to an "ideal" that is often quite outdated
Men are actually in a minority in my workplace (only 45%); and there's a place, surely, to discuss problems that we face, including suicide, depression, paternity rights, and yes, the cost of a season ticket at a premier league football club "
Interesting how sexism works in reverse. I hope you get your support, yes men need your own place too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is a subject close to my heart,alas i have no words to describe how i felt when depression got a grip of me,i will say that it left me with tinnitus |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Talk, share, open up. Fuck what traditional opinions dictate. People struggle and should be encouraged to seek help. The 'pull yourself together' has ruined far too many lives. "
Yes. The problem stems from somewhere, and I'm not sure where or why.
I know a guy (maybe we all do) who fell into depression from a breakup.
The diffrence between the views of the men and women who knew him was astonishing.
This is a human who didn't get told how to react when heartbreak hit him.
Man up/get over it/forget about it/soft ass. Generally from guys.
Women are normally more sensitive.
I say normal, some are just as relentless with there harsh advise. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Mental illness does not discriminate by gender and can ruin a life as much as any major physical illness. thhe story is always the same, things only ever started to get better when the person in the mental prison started talking to someone, be it a close friend, a family member or a therapist. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A new campaign is urging boys to open up about their emotions, following research which suggests they are six times less likely than girls to seek support for suicidal feelings
Wayne Rooney is a spokesman fo this too.
Not really aimed at just suicidal feelings I'm sure. Men are looked as being a little soft if we talk about feelings aren't we. Is this where it all stems from?
Should men toughen up? Man up, and keep it to themselves and ovoid looking weak?
Does it show a man to be honest with his feelings if he's more open?
Can you be an alpha male if you talk honestly?
Just a rumination for the day. "
Can you be an alpha male if you talk honestly?
Seriously? I don't think you deserve to be one unless you can talk honestly.
Knowing yourself, having the ability to place yourself in someone else's shoes and treat people the way they wish to be treated.. Are all skills that require strong, honest communication... And in my opinion... It's not till you and the people you meet have got to grips with communicating your thoughts and feelings... That you get great sex... Instead of awkward, fumbled sex.
As for being an alpha male? Who gives a toss? Is there such a thing anymore? What makes you more alpha than I am? Joke term. We're hardly monkeys guarding our hareems of females are we? We fight for our family, our friends.. If we're forced to. A clever chimp uses his brain.. But brains alone don't make you alpha..
It's a useless term in human society these days. Is Donald Trump more alpha than I am? He may be president of the United States.. But achieved it through being a lucky, sly cunt. I'm an ex soldier, who's been to war, I have a large group of life long friends. But I don't push anyone around, I'm not a bully, I communicate, I'm honest, empathetic and I care about people.
Define Alpha in human terms please? Because most people I think others would consider Alpha males... Are total knobs in my opinion.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Totally ignored OP original point.
Any campaign that gets people thinking about themselves and others has my backing 100%.
I tell my sons to man up if they've hurt themselves, or if they are crying out of self pity because they can't have what they want.
But that's it's perfectly acceptable and OK for men to cry if they are hurting inside because of love or sadness and that the best way to deal with those problems is to talk to family and friends.
They've seen me cry when my dog died, when my marriage to their mother broke down.
If you can't cry, you've no heart, you can't be a heartless hero. |
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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago
in the eye of the storm |
"A new campaign is urging boys to open up about their emotions, following research which suggests they are six times less likely than girls to seek support for suicidal feelings
Wayne Rooney is a spokesman fo this too.
Not really aimed at just suicidal feelings I'm sure. Men are looked as being a little soft if we talk about feelings aren't we. Is this where it all stems from?
Should men toughen up? Man up, and keep it to themselves and ovoid looking weak?
Does it show a man to be honest with his feelings if he's more open?
Can you be an alpha male if you talk honestly?
Just a rumination for the day. "
in my opinion op we meet to teach young boys what my mother instilled in me.
which was this real men are in touch with there feeling they don't lash out at others or themselves over them they talk through there problems as that takes real strength . |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Totally ignored OP original point.
Any campaign that gets people thinking about themselves and others has my backing 100%.
I tell my sons to man up if they've hurt themselves, or if they are crying out of self pity because they can't have what they want.
But that's it's perfectly acceptable and OK for men to cry if they are hurting inside because of love or sadness and that the best way to deal with those problems is to talk to family and friends.
They've seen me cry when my dog died, when my marriage to their mother broke down.
If you can't cry, you've no heart, you can't be a heartless hero. "
Completely agree, I have the same views. |
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By *LUKCouple
over a year ago
Loughborough |
I know a few guys whose only negative emotion is anger. From a young age they've obviously been told to "man up" so now instead of getting upset etc they get angry, it's all they know.
Suicide has also touched my life way more times than it should. The worst funeral to attend is the one that was needless and where the attendees are sat there thinking they could have done something to prevent it.
3/4 of suicides in the UK are men and it's the single biggest cause of death among men under the age of 45. Remember that stat next time you tell someone to stop being a pussy or to man up.
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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago
in the eye of the storm |
"Men should be able to express their feelings openly. In workplaces where men dominate, I would imagine its really hard. We are losing our men to suicide, society needs to wise up."
i think you will be surprised to find out that I've never seen work male colleges turn on one of the group who was going through a rough patch in fact the opposite occurs because of how true male bonding works ,
I'm sure its pop culture that says to young boys and young men that its not ok to open up as its not a macho thing to do .
maybe more films like logan will help heck even watching shane would help to educate how you can be venerable as a man but still be macho with it , |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know a few guys whose only negative emotion is anger. From a young age they've obviously been told to "man up" so now instead of getting upset etc they get angry, it's all they know.
Suicide has also touched my life way more times than it should. The worst funeral to attend is the one that was needless and where the attendees are sat there thinking they could have done something to prevent it.
3/4 of suicides in the UK are men and it's the single biggest cause of death among men under the age of 45. Remember that stat next time you tell someone to stop being a pussy or to man up.
"
I don't think there is anything wrong with telling someone to 'man up' if they are being selfish, self absorbed, vain, neglecting people close to them.
If you don't, you get a society full of vain, arrogant shits who care nothing for anything other than how many followers they have on Twitter.
I only want my sons to be happy. I don't care if being a dancer or a flight attendant is what makes them happy or if God forbid, they want to follow my mistakes.
But sometimes a good old 'man up' IS REQUIRED, to help them learn how to treat themselves and others. But you have to be sensitive to the context.
Crying because youve grazed your knee, doesn't help with the pain. Crying because you can't have a computer game you haven't been bothered to save up for doesn't help. So I have little sympathy. You've fallen out with a friend? Getting bullied, scared of something, broken heart or a major loss? All tear worthy and need gentle, non judgemental ears. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know a few guys whose only negative emotion is anger. From a young age they've obviously been told to "man up" so now instead of getting upset etc they get angry, it's all they know.
Suicide has also touched my life way more times than it should. The worst funeral to attend is the one that was needless and where the attendees are sat there thinking they could have done something to prevent it.
3/4 of suicides in the UK are men and it's the single biggest cause of death among men under the age of 45. Remember that stat next time you tell someone to stop being a pussy or to man up.
I don't think there is anything wrong with telling someone to 'man up' if they are being selfish, self absorbed, vain, neglecting people close to them.
If you don't, you get a society full of vain, arrogant shits who care nothing for anything other than how many followers they have on Twitter.
I only want my sons to be happy. I don't care if being a dancer or a flight attendant is what makes them happy or if God forbid, they want to follow my mistakes.
But sometimes a good old 'man up' IS REQUIRED, to help them learn how to treat themselves and others. But you have to be sensitive to the context.
Crying because youve grazed your knee, doesn't help with the pain. Crying because you can't have a computer game you haven't been bothered to save up for doesn't help. So I have little sympathy. You've fallen out with a friend? Getting bullied, scared of something, broken heart or a major loss? All tear worthy and need gentle, non judgemental ears. "
I've taught my sons to laugh when they hurt themselves.. Or say "My names is...... And welcome to Jackass". Mental pain, they know to talk, they know why, they know we'll listen and help. They know to spot it in others and how to offer help.
They're 6 & 8 and I'm very, VERY proud of them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Every single individual is a bespoke person comprised of their own quirks and characteristics that make them unique. I hate that there are some who say a man or woman should confirm to a particular way of behaviour to sit in a nice little slot with a label above them stating their gender. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Men should be able to express their feelings openly. In workplaces where men dominate, I would imagine its really hard. We are losing our men to suicide, society needs to wise up.
i think you will be surprised to find out that I've never seen work male colleges turn on one of the group who was going through a rough patch in fact the opposite occurs because of how true male bonding works ,
I'm sure its pop culture that says to young boys and young men that its not ok to open up as its not a macho thing to do .
maybe more films like logan will help heck even watching shane would help to educate how you can be venerable as a man but still be macho with it , "
I've seen it lots. If you're different.. In anyway, or refuse to conform to the norm. Bullies at work still exist.
The army is full of them, so is building and transport. Lad culture. Shocking. However.. If you're brave enough to admit you're suffering, it's surprising how quickly banter turns into love for your fellow man. Maybe if everyone stopped taking everything so personally and directly, maybe if everyone was brave enough to be honest about themselves. We wouldn't have an issue. Problems are never as bad as they seem, once you let them off your chest. |
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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago
in the eye of the storm |
"I know a few guys whose only negative emotion is anger. From a young age they've obviously been told to "man up" so now instead of getting upset etc they get angry, it's all they know.
Suicide has also touched my life way more times than it should. The worst funeral to attend is the one that was needless and where the attendees are sat there thinking they could have done something to prevent it.
3/4 of suicides in the UK are men and it's the single biggest cause of death among men under the age of 45. Remember that stat next time you tell someone to stop being a pussy or to man up.
I don't think there is anything wrong with telling someone to 'man up' if they are being selfish, self absorbed, vain, neglecting people close to them.
If you don't, you get a society full of vain, arrogant shits who care nothing for anything other than how many followers they have on Twitter.
I only want my sons to be happy. I don't care if being a dancer or a flight attendant is what makes them happy or if God forbid, they want to follow my mistakes.
But sometimes a good old 'man up' IS REQUIRED, to help them learn how to treat themselves and others. But you have to be sensitive to the context.
Crying because youve grazed your knee, doesn't help with the pain. Crying because you can't have a computer game you haven't been bothered to save up for doesn't help. So I have little sympathy. You've fallen out with a friend? Getting bullied, scared of something, broken heart or a major loss? All tear worthy and need gentle, non judgemental ears. "
here's the thing you can do that with out using a term like man up because if you used that term your some how saying its unmanly to feel all the emotions you talk about above which of coarse it is not ,
if you support someone through a difficult time yes there are times when you will have to be a bit harsh but you can do that in a more encouraging with than by saying man up .
because the minute you use that term your sayimg its unmanly behaviour to have emotions which is adding to the problem not helping with it in my opinion xxx
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think there is too much pressure on men to be strong and so some men feel weak if they have any mental issues.
Adam is very much an Alpha male and I believe that he would never open up to me or anyone else if he felt depressed.
We have a very honest and open relationship but I know him and I know his father.
Weakness is frowned upon and and men are expected to be providers and strong.
Only I, am privileged enough to get a glimpse into his mind and his feelings. He isn't shy about expressing his love for me but his worries and such are a different matter. It's been ten years and I am still trying to show him that he can lean on me, he just doesn't listen.
I'm sure Adam is not alone in this mindset. It saddens me. There should be more influential men coming forward and saying that mental issues are ok, it isn't weak and that help is available.
I hope the campaign has the desired effect.
Eve. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know a few guys whose only negative emotion is anger. From a young age they've obviously been told to "man up" so now instead of getting upset etc they get angry, it's all they know.
Suicide has also touched my life way more times than it should. The worst funeral to attend is the one that was needless and where the attendees are sat there thinking they could have done something to prevent it.
3/4 of suicides in the UK are men and it's the single biggest cause of death among men under the age of 45. Remember that stat next time you tell someone to stop being a pussy or to man up.
I don't think there is anything wrong with telling someone to 'man up' if they are being selfish, self absorbed, vain, neglecting people close to them.
If you don't, you get a society full of vain, arrogant shits who care nothing for anything other than how many followers they have on Twitter.
I only want my sons to be happy. I don't care if being a dancer or a flight attendant is what makes them happy or if God forbid, they want to follow my mistakes.
But sometimes a good old 'man up' IS REQUIRED, to help them learn how to treat themselves and others. But you have to be sensitive to the context.
Crying because youve grazed your knee, doesn't help with the pain. Crying because you can't have a computer game you haven't been bothered to save up for doesn't help. So I have little sympathy. You've fallen out with a friend? Getting bullied, scared of something, broken heart or a major loss? All tear worthy and need gentle, non judgemental ears.
here's the thing you can do that with out using a term like man up because if you used that term your some how saying its unmanly to feel all the emotions you talk about above which of coarse it is not ,
if you support someone through a difficult time yes there are times when you will have to be a bit harsh but you can do that in a more encouraging with than by saying man up .
because the minute you use that term your sayimg its unmanly behaviour to have emotions which is adding to the problem not helping with it in my opinion xxx
"
Respectfully, I disagree. I don't talk to my children in terms of male and female. We should all behave the same. It's just a phrase.. My children know me, know what I practice and know what I preach. One phrase isn't going to make them feel any more or any less of a man. It's good humans I'm hoping to create. But I can see how that may be true for other men, people and families. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think there is too much pressure on men to be strong and so some men feel weak if they have any mental issues
Weakness is frowned upon and and men are expected to be providers and strong.
I hope the campaign has the desired effect.
Eve. X"
I've only highlighted those points that strike out at me. This is how I was raised. And is intstalled through the backbone of my large family.
It shouldn't be like this. Heavy burdens can break even the stringest of me as it's been proven with suicides. E.g. Some very famous celebrities.
It does need to be addressed. We're all human. Men and women share the same feelings and emotions.
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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago
in the eye of the storm |
"I think there is too much pressure on men to be strong and so some men feel weak if they have any mental issues
Weakness is frowned upon and and men are expected to be providers and strong.
I hope the campaign has the desired effect.
Eve. X
I've only highlighted those points that strike out at me. This is how I was raised. And is intstalled through the backbone of my large family.
It shouldn't be like this. Heavy burdens can break even the stringest of me as it's been proven with suicides. E.g. Some very famous celebrities.
It does need to be addressed. We're all human. Men and women share the same feelings and emotions.
"
hang on a minute evolution has played a part in shaping what a man needs to feel like a man on a deeper level the protectorate is in my opinion a fundamental part of the male nature put there by evolution to ensure we survive as a species and should not be feared or disregarded but nourished because as a man i never fell better than when i feel needed by those around me i flourish under those circumstances . |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Behind every great man is a great woman.
Is this trying to explain anything more deeper where being open about mens feelings/emotions are concerned.
Is it easier to talk to a woman than it is your 'pals' in the pub? |
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"A new campaign is urging boys to open up about their emotions, following research which suggests they are six times less likely than girls to seek support for suicidal feelings
Wayne Rooney is a spokesman fo this too.
Not really aimed at just suicidal feelings I'm sure. Men are looked as being a little soft if we talk about feelings aren't we. Is this where it all stems from?
Should men toughen up? Man up, and keep it to themselves and ovoid looking weak?
Does it show a man to be honest with his feelings if he's more open?
Can you be an alpha male if you talk honestly?
Just a rumination for the day. "
I've known six men who died of suicide, from coworkers to close family friends. None were open about their depression, exept one, to close family members only.
Having struggled with depression since childhood (though not suicidal, myself) I am intimately aware of the pain it causes. NO ONE should feel the need to go through it alone, yet so many do.
I can only think that any awareness brought to the topic of depression in any gender is good.
I support anyone going through the pain of this illness, and I think that enouraging men to discuss it is only a good thing.
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Coming from someone who owns a black dog (Harry is snoring in front of a fire at the moment) after suffering workplace bullying and intimidation and anxiety problems, when everything surfaced the people that I thought would be the ones to understand and help were the ones who disappeared.
The people who listened, made me brews, dropped in unannounced,dragged me out and held me when I needed it were all the most unlikely. I talk about my bd days, especially when I can see others starting to suffer, I am open about having counselling and medication...I used to run a youth group and held a discussion with a bunch of lads who were 'alphas' about opening up and talking around the time a young lad had committed suicide...it was 'the way' to be all closed up but again the most unlikely of the group started asking sensible questions...did I help make a difference? I'd like to think so...we live in a society which is very much lead by the cult of personality and as someone said earlier, it needs someone prominent to say they experience depression for some people to actually notice....until then we that know have to lookout for others and offer help and guidance anyway we can
to anyone reading this that can be affected, stay strong and talk to people...anyone...that is the bit that really doesn't hurt.
ps I only got told to 'man up' once...mainly because I was being a 'whiny self pitying bastard' at the time ..it was by a 6ft tutu wearing queen...the irony did not escape me so I did |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"A new campaign is urging boys to open up about their emotions, following research which suggests they are six times less likely than girls to seek support for suicidal feelings
Wayne Rooney is a spokesman fo this too.
Not really aimed at just suicidal feelings I'm sure. Men are looked as being a little soft if we talk about feelings aren't we. Is this where it all stems from?
Should men toughen up? Man up, and keep it to themselves and ovoid looking weak?
Does it show a man to be honest with his feelings if he's more open?
Can you be an alpha male if you talk honestly?
Just a rumination for the day. "
.
Rumination  I often talk about me feelings while drinking rum, when was the last time I had sex
How great the sex was last time I had it
How much I need a shag
How depressed I am from not getting sex
Whens the rugby start
Whos round is it.
You know, man talk
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I dislike the term Alpha Male. While there are people that still reference this, there will be those who will be made to feel less of a man because of it.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I dislike the term Alpha Male. While there are people that still reference this, there will be those who will be made to feel less of a man because of it.
"
Your right, but it's there isn't it?
And I think this is what this campaign could help with. Proving Your no less of a person by opening up and discussing your worries and fears with somebody.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There is such a thing as an alpha male, but many people, the media included, often misplace or misuse the title.
My view of an alpha male is a man who provides for his family as best he can. Has friends outside his bloodline, that he considers his own flesh and blood. Someone who puts the needs of all these people above his own. Who has courage to speak out against what is wrong. Who has the courage to defend those we love. Even if it means a physical, social or financial beating! Someone you know is their for you if you ever need them. A person who knows your hurt or in trouble and is there for you to talk, hug or lean on.
Give me one or two friends like him.. And I'd never feel lonely again. Luckily for me, I'm an aging, ex soldier.. And many of my male friends are turning into men exactly like that.
I think social media is changing everything.. It's now cool to be that guy. The man who avoids violence at all costs, unless it's in defense. In my tweens it was trains potting, human traffic, snatched, lockstock and the time of the thug alpha male.
I'm glad times have changed. |
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A few years ago I had a complete mental and physical breakdown from trying to keep going despite intolerable pressure. If I had talked about it a lot sooner I might be not so physically ill now. Who knows
? |
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Somethings aren't going the way I expected them to be going in my life, As I have go older I think about them a lot more, Single, Childless, Not living where I want to be living, I find it hard talking to family/friends about these issues but its one of the things I like about fab, Its a lot easier to open up to strangers,
My issues are nothing compared to people I know or people you read about but it still feels good to get them off my chest every now and then |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Somethings aren't going the way I expected them to be going in my life, As I have go older I think about them a lot more, Single, Childless, Not living where I want to be living, I find it hard talking to family/friends about these issues but its one of the things I like about fab, Its a lot easier to open up to strangers,
My issues are nothing compared to people I know or people you read about but it still feels good to get them off my chest every now and then "
I find opening up on here helps a lot!
If you're truly honest with people. And sometimes an anonymous forum can be easier.
You soon realise you're not the only one. That people have been there, done it and got over it, there is hope. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have to say through personal experience, its not good to bottle up your emotions and thoughts in anyway shape or form. Doing this can lead to things happening not with in your control, opening up to anyone friends, family or even just someone willing to listen can help more than you know.
Something happened to me years ago and through bottling everything up, if it wasn't for my 9 year old son I wouldn't be here and he will never know I owe my son my life he's my hero.
So would totally advice anyone if you need to talk or open up do it and don't think it makes you any less of a man  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Somethings aren't going the way I expected them to be going in my life, As I have go older I think about them a lot more, Single, Childless, Not living where I want to be living, I find it hard talking to family/friends about these issues but its one of the things I like about fab, Its a lot easier to open up to strangers,
My issues are nothing compared to people I know or people you read about but it still feels good to get them off my chest every now and then "
I bet lots of people can relate to how you feel. Me included.
Im in same situation as you. Single no kids live in middle of nowhere what to do for a career etc etc?
Things like that didnt faze me before but Ive found im worrying more now about my life.
I think to myself... where the fuck has my life gone ? I'll soon be a pensioner? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have to say through personal experience, its not good to bottle up your emotions and thoughts in anyway shape or form. Doing this can lead to things happening not with in your control, opening up to anyone friends, family or even just someone willing to listen can help more than you know.
Something happened to me years ago and through bottling everything up, if it wasn't for my 9 year old son I wouldn't be here and he will never know I owe my son my life he's my hero.
So would totally advice anyone if you need to talk or open up do it and don't think it makes you any less of a man "
I'd second that.
No matter how bad you think things are.. Itll only get worse if you hide it.
I'd say a portion of the people who visit psychologists, feel much better by being able to confess their innermost fears.
There is no fear more dangerous than fear itself. Courage comes in many forms. Asking for help or admitting you need it is a brave act itself and sometimes the hardest.. But it's usually the most rewarding, humbling and positive experience you're likely to have. |
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It's an old and certainly outdated belief that men should be tough, keep their feelings to themselves and provide.
I have been on anti depressants in the past. Partly due to depression, partly due to female on male abuse in a relationship. I encourage anyone who feels they need to talk to reach out to me or anyone else they feel they may need to.
Really, the only way to fight this stigma is to hit it head on!
B |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have to say through personal experience, its not good to bottle up your emotions and thoughts in anyway shape or form. Doing this can lead to things happening not with in your control, opening up to anyone friends, family or even just someone willing to listen can help more than you know.
Something happened to me years ago and through bottling everything up, if it wasn't for my 9 year old son I wouldn't be here and he will never know I owe my son my life he's my hero.
So would totally advice anyone if you need to talk or open up do it and don't think it makes you any less of a man
I'd second that.
No matter how bad you think things are.. Itll only get worse if you hide it.
I'd say a portion of the people who visit psychologists, feel much better by being able to confess their innermost fears.
There is no fear more dangerous than fear itself. Courage comes in many forms. Asking for help or admitting you need it is a brave act itself and sometimes the hardest.. But it's usually the most rewarding, humbling and positive experience you're likely to have. "
totally agree mate after my experience, I have never bottled anything up again and try to talk as much as I can to my family and friends about how I'm feeling. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"nobody needs to toughen up. i think it's hard to find people who really give a shit that you're unhappy and that's why they'd rather people toughen up."
.
Good point madam |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Somethings aren't going the way I expected them to be going in my life, As I have go older I think about them a lot more, Single, Childless, Not living where I want to be living, I find it hard talking to family/friends about these issues but its one of the things I like about fab, Its a lot easier to open up to strangers,
My issues are nothing compared to people I know or people you read about but it still feels good to get them off my chest every now and then
I bet lots of people can relate to how you feel. Me included.
Im in same situation as you. Single no kids live in middle of nowhere what to do for a career etc etc?
Things like that didnt faze me before but Ive found im worrying more now about my life.
I think to myself... where the fuck has my life gone ? I'll soon be a pensioner? "
.
Oh quit your hollorin Jesus, could be worse,  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Somethings aren't going the way I expected them to be going in my life, As I have go older I think about them a lot more, Single, Childless, Not living where I want to be living, I find it hard talking to family/friends about these issues but its one of the things I like about fab, Its a lot easier to open up to strangers,
My issues are nothing compared to people I know or people you read about but it still feels good to get them off my chest every now and then
I bet lots of people can relate to how you feel. Me included.
Im in same situation as you. Single no kids live in middle of nowhere what to do for a career etc etc?
Things like that didnt faze me before but Ive found im worrying more now about my life.
I think to myself... where the fuck has my life gone ? I'll soon be a pensioner? .
Oh quit your hollorin Jesus, could be worse, "
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i've never been massively emotional really, been through a few tings, adoption, reunited wit family as an adult, the death of friends and family etc but i've never been much one for crying and being overly emotional really. i mean i get sad and happy and all the other emotions, just not to a big degree. i can bury a friend and be pretty much back to myself that night. i don't think that it's some emotional block, i'm aware that i ought not bottle shit up so check myself that i'm not doing that and i will chat to folk about stuff if i feel the need to and whatnot, i'm just not the most emotional of people. sometimes i'll think 'i should be way more upset than i am' but i'm just not which in it's self causes a bit of guilt, but that passes pretty quick. that's just how i am i guess |
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Sadly, man-up mentality is taught from a very young age. When little girls fall over, parents rush to their aid, showering affection and letting them cry it out. Boys are told that only babies cry.
In my day day, teen magazines taught girls to be open about their emotions. They taught boys about cars, football and boobs.
As all my friends have always been male since childhood, I've been a confidant to many but they won't open up amongst themselves for fear of feeling lesser than.
Get over your precious ego and talk, talk and talk some more.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i've never been massively emotional really, been through a few tings, adoption, reunited wit family as an adult, the death of friends and family etc but i've never been much one for crying and being overly emotional really. i mean i get sad and happy and all the other emotions, just not to a big degree. i can bury a friend and be pretty much back to myself that night. i don't think that it's some emotional block, i'm aware that i ought not bottle shit up so check myself that i'm not doing that and i will chat to folk about stuff if i feel the need to and whatnot, i'm just not the most emotional of people. sometimes i'll think 'i should be way more upset than i am' but i'm just not which in it's self causes a bit of guilt, but that passes pretty quick. that's just how i am i guess "
.
Your from farming stock |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sadly, man-up mentality is taught from a very young age. When little girls fall over, parents rush to their aid, showering affection and letting them cry it out. Boys are told that only babies cry.
In my day day, teen magazines taught girls to be open about their emotions. They taught boys about cars, football and boobs.
As all my friends have always been male since childhood, I've been a confidant to many but they won't open up amongst themselves for fear of feeling lesser than.
Get over your precious ego and talk, talk and talk some more.
"
totally |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Sadly, man-up mentality is taught from a very young age. When little girls fall over, parents rush to their aid, showering affection and letting them cry it out. Boys are told that only babies cry.
In my day day, teen magazines taught girls to be open about their emotions. They taught boys about cars, football and boobs.
As all my friends have always been male since childhood, I've been a confidant to many but they won't open up amongst themselves for fear of feeling lesser than.
Get over your precious ego and talk, talk and talk some more.
"
. More porkin less talkin  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Sadly, man-up mentality is taught from a very young age. When little girls fall over, parents rush to their aid, showering affection and letting them cry it out. Boys are told that only babies cry.
In my day day, teen magazines taught girls to be open about their emotions. They taught boys about cars, football and boobs.
As all my friends have always been male since childhood, I've been a confidant to many but they won't open up amongst themselves for fear of feeling lesser than.
Get over your precious ego and talk, talk and talk some more.
"
Ok Mum  |
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The expression 'man up' signifies what is wrong with our cultural pressure upon men. People have emotions and denying this is inhumane. Forcing kids to have a cold, hardened exterior is cruelty, verging on child abuse. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The expression 'man up' signifies what is wrong with our cultural pressure upon men. People have emotions and denying this is inhumane. Forcing kids to have a cold, hardened exterior is cruelty, verging on child abuse."
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The expression 'man up' signifies what is wrong with our cultural pressure upon men. People have emotions and denying this is inhumane. Forcing kids to have a cold, hardened exterior is cruelty, verging on child abuse."
.
Is it though?.
Male suicide is up massively and not just from ages ago but like from ten years ago despite being raised in and by a more feminist society.
Were more likely to see therapist now, more likely to visit the doctor for Depression, more likely to talk to friends, more connected via social media and yet were killing ourselves at a higher rate than ever! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Unfortunately some men and some women cannot talk, cannnot open up. Thats when they do need to consider counselling otherwise I would imagine its a long and lonely road.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unfortunately some men and some women cannot talk, cannnot open up. Thats when they do need to consider counselling otherwise I would imagine its a long and lonely road.
"
Very true |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"i've never been massively emotional really, been through a few tings, adoption, reunited wit family as an adult, the death of friends and family etc but i've never been much one for crying and being overly emotional really. i mean i get sad and happy and all the other emotions, just not to a big degree. i can bury a friend and be pretty much back to myself that night. i don't think that it's some emotional block, i'm aware that i ought not bottle shit up so check myself that i'm not doing that and i will chat to folk about stuff if i feel the need to and whatnot, i'm just not the most emotional of people. sometimes i'll think 'i should be way more upset than i am' but i'm just not which in it's self causes a bit of guilt, but that passes pretty quick. that's just how i am i guess .
Your from farming stock"
nope |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm probably considered too expressive with my feelings, but I'm proud of being able to experience and express a full range of emotions. I feel fully alive wearing a thin sensitive skin and have no intention of 'manning up' ever! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I read (and I realise a lot of my posts start like this) that young boys need much more attention than young girls due to them naturally being more sensitive.
I hope we're finally getting to a time when men feel more comfortable talking through their issues. There is ALWAYS someone ready to listen! |
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Great thread OP, I think anything that helps any sex be able to get help and feel better about themselves is good.
Personally if a man tells me his inner feelings he's more manly to me because he has the mental strength to do that.
Seeking help, wether from friends, family or professionals is a sign of strength in my book |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Great thread OP, I think anything that helps any sex be able to get help and feel better about themselves is good.
Personally if a man tells me his inner feelings he's more manly to me because he has the mental strength to do that.
Seeking help, wether from friends, family or professionals is a sign of strength in my book "
This for me too. I think it shows a guy to be incredibly self-assured if he can talk openly and honestly! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm probably considered too expressive with my feelings, but I'm proud of being able to experience and express a full range of emotions. I feel fully alive wearing a thin sensitive skin and have no intention of 'manning up' ever!"
Get a grip you big poofter |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm probably considered too expressive with my feelings, but I'm proud of being able to experience and express a full range of emotions. I feel fully alive wearing a thin sensitive skin and have no intention of 'manning up' ever!
Get a grip you big poofter "
The reality is I'm perfectly capable of controlling my emotions but I choose how I handle them far more often than they control me. I like it that way so when I get a grip of myself it's generally only my 'manhood' I need to get a grip of |
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"The expression 'man up' signifies what is wrong with our cultural pressure upon men. People have emotions and denying this is inhumane. Forcing kids to have a cold, hardened exterior is cruelty, verging on child abuse..
Is it though?.
Male suicide is up massively and not just from ages ago but like from ten years ago despite being raised in and by a more feminist society.
Were more likely to see therapist now, more likely to visit the doctor for Depression, more likely to talk to friends, more connected via social media and yet were killing ourselves at a higher rate than ever! "
Whilst we've shifted, there is still immense pressure upon men to behave differently to females, if they feel emotional. It starts very young and is a part of the pressure behind suicides. There's lots more but I feel for lads and men living in a gangsta, macho culture, where they are tolerated only if they play the hard guy. |
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I'm not a particularly manly, geeza geeza bloke, I don't have a bald head or look well hard, but I don't like talking about my feelings. It's not because I think it will reduce my manliness, I just don't like it.
Is it the way we're conditioned, or wired differently to women I don't know.
Taking about feelings is different to some of the mental health issues being discussed here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The expression 'man up' signifies what is wrong with our cultural pressure upon men. People have emotions and denying this is inhumane. Forcing kids to have a cold, hardened exterior is cruelty, verging on child abuse..
Is it though?.
Male suicide is up massively and not just from ages ago but like from ten years ago despite being raised in and by a more feminist society.
Were more likely to see therapist now, more likely to visit the doctor for Depression, more likely to talk to friends, more connected via social media and yet were killing ourselves at a higher rate than ever!
Whilst we've shifted, there is still immense pressure upon men to behave differently to females, if they feel emotional. It starts very young and is a part of the pressure behind suicides. There's lots more but I feel for lads and men living in a gangsta, macho culture, where they are tolerated only if they play the hard guy."
I dunno, its puzzling, if its just pressure and outside influences of hopelessness and stiff upper lip why wasnt suicide massive during the war?
I think our brains are getting screwed up physically not just emotionally as well, neurologists? Say it its a well complicated piece of kit and complicated stuff goes wrong easier |
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Part of the reason I kicked my ex out (a year ago today *takes bow* ) was because of the way he dealt with my son. He'd be extremely negative towards his feelings. If my son was upset he'd say things like "dude, you're gonna get bullied if you don't toughen up"
"Oi, pussy, you better find that thick skin"
"Who replaced you with a whining little bitch?"
"I didn't know your mum gave birth to a daughter"
"I feel sorry for your future wife, if you ever get one...I hope they realise they're gonna need to be the man of the house"
I could carry on, but there is no need. That part of my life is over and my son is awesome. |
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"Part of the reason I kicked my ex out (a year ago today *takes bow* ) was because of the way he dealt with my son. He'd be extremely negative towards his feelings. If my son was upset he'd say things like "dude, you're gonna get bullied if you don't toughen up"
"Oi, pussy, you better find that thick skin"
"Who replaced you with a whining little bitch?"
"I didn't know your mum gave birth to a daughter"
"I feel sorry for your future wife, if you ever get one...I hope they realise they're gonna need to be the man of the house"
I could carry on, but there is no need. That part of my life is over and my son is awesome. "
Comments like that were a part of my upbringing in all honesty. The real old fashioned approach. It took probably 17 years for me to break that cycle and I'm glad I did. It's a good gift to give our son in the fact he will be accepted and not judged whatever he wants to talk about. Glad that way of Tbilisi king is going with the old generation. |
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By *ficouldMan
over a year ago
a quandary, could you change my mind? |
Just a couple of quotes that have helped me in the past..
'Depression, anxiety and panic attacks are not signs of weakness. They are signs of trying to remain strong for far too long.'
This one the most, it stopped me in my tracks when I read it.
"We're all walking around with these glossy eyes. 'I'm just tired,' we say. But you know what? It's bullshit. Yes, we are tired, but it's not all from lack of sleep. We are tired of waking up with nothing to look forward to, tired of going to bed exhausted after doing a million things we find no enjoyment in doing. We're tired of this void, this emptiness that looms over us even though our days are packed. We're tired of the loneliness that presses down on us even though we're surrounded by dozens of people. So why can't we just say it? Humans are so afraid to look into each other's eyes and say, 'I am unhappy, I am broken, I am hopeless and fallible.' We've been conditioned to associate pain with weakness, sadness with coldness, loneliness with unworthiness, difference with disease, as if these feelings are contagious, as if ambivalence is something not to be felt but to be feared. Well, I say screw all of that. Screw forced smiles and polite handshakes and I'm fine, thank yous. Screw the fear of crying in a public place, screw the fake chipper voice, screw the lies we spit out to cover up our problems. We are humans. We are meant to feel. To feel everything and to feel it all openly. We are not metal—we are flesh and bone. Our boild blood courses through our cold, clammy hands. We are intricate and beautiful and we should never hide our human parts, because if we do, then what's left to show?"
Man hugs all around,, lady cuddles too |
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