FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Dad's n children
Dad's n children
Jump to: Newest in thread
| |||
| |||
 | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"Although spending time with a child doesn't need to cost any money "
Even worse when they hate paying and hate having to have them too
Might interfere with their perfect life  | |||
| |||
"Although spending time with a child doesn't need to cost any money
Even worse when they hate paying and hate having to have them too
Might interfere with their perfect life "Exactly this...mine were not invited to stay with their dad, colleagues of his had no idea he had a daughter !! The least he could do was pay. | |||
| |||
"Although spending time with a child doesn't need to cost any money
Even worse when they hate paying and hate having to have them too
Might interfere with their perfect life
Exactly this...mine were not invited to stay with their dad, colleagues of his had no idea he had a daughter !! The least he could do was pay. "Bloody hell ! The money pales into insignificance when you think of the head fuck that is to the children My ex for the first year after we split said he lived 60 miles away so he could rarely see them as he was so busy with work That was until he left an envelope around and my eldest saw he actually lived less than 2 miles away !!!! | |||
"Although spending time with a child doesn't need to cost any money
Even worse when they hate paying and hate having to have them too
Might interfere with their perfect life
Exactly this...mine were not invited to stay with their dad, colleagues of his had no idea he had a daughter !! The least he could do was pay.
Bloody hell ! The money pales into insignificance when you think of the head fuck that is to the children
My ex for the first year after we split said he lived 60 miles away so he could rarely see them as he was so busy with work
That was until he left an envelope around and my eldest saw he actually lived less than 2 miles away !!!! "Disgusting....mine are now adults and effected by how little attention and time he gave them. Its the one thing that makes me proper mad. | |||
| |||
 | |||
"CSA Recently I got a letter saying I owe £1.57 pence FROM 10 YEAR AGO. lmao It is a fact that women want there cake and eat it let's be honest about it I had years of hell .. Justice for father's!!! " | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
 | |||
"I am always paying out for my daughter on top of what i pay weekly and happily do so. There are plenty of good fathers just you only hear of the bad ones. " Here Here, I have 2 children with 2 Mothers and even better they are in 2 different countries. I work overseas and spend limited time in the UK but what time I do have I dedicate to my children, I pay for a house that I don't live in just for somewhere we can call "home" and so they have a bedroom each when Im back and we can live like a family. I pay well over the odds in maintenance and will continue to do so all the time I'm in a position to and pay for everything when I am with them. Yes there are some really bad fathers out there but there are some terrible mothers too. | |||
"CSA Recently I got a letter saying I owe £1.57 pence FROM 10 YEAR AGO. lmao It is a fact that women want there cake and eat it let's be honest about it I had years of hell .. Justice for father's!!! "Incoming..... | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"Try this one.... my ex gave me £20 a week when I was single. Since I met my new partner the ex now refuses to give me anything! " Have you reported him to the csa?? | |||
"In short no... You both have a responsibility for providing for any child you had together. When the csa actually worked before they changed the system. They worked put how much money a child needed, a percentage of wages usually. They made sure that the non living with patent still had enough money to survive. My ex owed thousands but then the system was changed. I went without before my children did. " I agree that both have a responsibility but no the csa didn't work before. I was left with very little after they took what they seemed fair while others didn't contribute in any way shape or form. Now the system has changed we have a freed a fair amount and I get to take my son out pay for other things for him too. Oh and btw I never missed a payment either | |||
"I'm livid. My ex husband has just told me our daughter is too expensive so I'm asking alot that he pays child support and then has to pay for stuff on his days with her and I should pay for it. He has her on a Wednesday morning and 1 Saturday a month I had to vent cos my friends n family would hit the roof" Remind him how much it costs in rent, utilities, wifi sky etc each month, monthly food bill, school lunches, clothes etc and then compare to what he actually pays in, guarantee you will pay out more!! | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"I'm livid. My ex husband has just told me our daughter is too expensive so I'm asking alot that he pays child support and then has to pay for stuff on his days with her and I should pay for it. He has her on a Wednesday morning and 1 Saturday a month I had to vent cos my friends n family would hit the roof" The new "voluntary" system will play into the hands of the irresponsible ones out there. However, reading the small print- if the defaulter refuses to pay then you can still apply for a Govt. run 3rd party to adjudicate, which Is legally binding. I have to say on a personal level my ex has been very good, up to this point. I have seen how hard it can be for dads though, from my other halfs' point of view, when the mum is bitter and uses the child to point score and uses finance to do this. People would do well to try and put the children first, rather than their egos x | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"I left an abusive relationship quite recently and due to circumstances have not been able to work much either. I have to (but also like doing it) have my son every wed & fri eve and every other weekend. As my ex is disabled I was saddled with all the debt 16k of cc and loans, have to pay all mortgage and house bills (as this is where my son lives) and now don't get any government support as I'm deemed not the one looking after the child, so I'm screwed with debt no work as I live 45 miles away so can't work wed / Friday as I have to pick him from school while my ex gets over £2000 a month in benifits. Our system is a joke sometimes. Oh and it's not just mums that get a raw deal sometime. " You really should take up a free solicitors consultation to get a financial agreement sorted | |||
"I left an abusive relationship quite recently and due to circumstances have not been able to work much either. I have to (but also like doing it) have my son every wed & fri eve and every other weekend. As my ex is disabled I was saddled with all the debt 16k of cc and loans, have to pay all mortgage and house bills (as this is where my son lives) and now don't get any government support as I'm deemed not the one looking after the child, so I'm screwed with debt no work as I live 45 miles away so can't work wed / Friday as I have to pick him from school while my ex gets over £2000 a month in benifits. Our system is a joke sometimes. Oh and it's not just mums that get a raw deal sometime. You really should take up a free solicitors consultation to get a financial agreement sorted " That is the financial agreement sorted by the court  | |||
| |||
 | |||
" It is a fact that women want there cake and eat it let's be honest about it" I wouldn't want a cake if I couldn't eat it... | |||
"Try and imagine how you would feel if the situation were reversed and your children spent the majority of their time with him and you were paying him child support - and expected to fork out for things when they were with you. Have some empathy! Children are NOT a cash machine!!! Sorry, but this really gets my goat! As a father who has been fighting for his children through the courts since 2011 (due to a very difficult ex who repeatedly breaches court orders), who is trying to build a small business, on a low income and who is paying child support, I can actually completely sympathize with your ex - though personally, my children come first and I will do whatever I have to in order to be able to afford whatever my children need. " This is exactly right. Roles reversed, I know my ex would not be happy paying anything whilst still being expected to maintain a full wardrobe of clothes, shoes, bedding, toys and feed a child shes only allowed to see occasionally. The CSA makes no allowance for how much the resident parent earns. My ex could make more money that me and I would still be expected to the pay the same. However, if I earn more, I have to pay more!!! Regardless, I miss my little girl and no amount of money or effort will enable me to see her more. You cant negotiate with a brick wall. | |||
| |||
as I said I've never shyed away from the fact I need to support him although I always paid on time aswell as also contributed to school uniforms/trips etc! We have shared custody not on paper but verbal between ourselves and yet I'm still governed to pay. Just doesn't seem fair at all but then again the csa don't really like us fathers as I have found out several times when I have called them, well that's my point but suppose not everyone is the same | |||
| |||
" I haven't seen my daughter since the day I left. " What do you expect when you walk out for a 26 year old.  | |||
| |||
"I was always main parent to my little princess (making her meals to Annabel Karmel recipes, doing most of the nappy changes, stories at bedtime and, baths etc) and love her in a way I could never have imagined. Shes my world. I was devastated when my ex left and took my girl with her a few years back (28 days after Id had the snip but thats another story!). She didnt let me see my girl for over a month and even now I only get 2 days a week. I love to have a 50/50 arrangement but system is skewed in favor of the mum and Ive been told it will cost me thousands to fight and theres very little to no chance Id win. But anyway, when she first left I agreed to pay £250 a month maintenance which is a lot of money to me. I was a few days late paying around month 9 and she reported me to CSA. They reviewed and upped payments to £290! The only way I could get this lowered is to have more time with my child but ex wife and system wont let me. Its so frustrating!!!! " This annoys me as my first child's dad has never had anything to do with her. My youngest spends 50/50 with me and his dad and no matter how much I dislike him he is a good dad and as much as it kills me to not see my son half the week I know that he is well cared for by his dad! The fact you want to spend that much time with your child just shows what a good dad you are. And I feel for you. So many men find it so easy to just walk away or have limited contact. | |||
"I've never hidden from the fact that I have to support my son I know I do and I always will, but since about year ago me and my ex agreed to share custody, I have him for and week and then his mom for the other week so how it is that the csa still feel that I should pay child matenance as I said I've never shyed away from the fact I need to support him although I always paid on time aswell as also contributed to school uniforms/trips etc! We have shared custody not on paper but verbal between ourselves and yet I'm still governed to pay. Just doesn't seem fair at all but then again the csa don't really like us fathers as I have found out several times when I have called them, well that's my point but suppose not everyone is the same "I share custody and would never dream of taking money. I may ask to share the cost of things like school trips or other expensive things but that's about it x | |||
| |||
"I left an abusive relationship quite recently and due to circumstances have not been able to work much either. I have to (but also like doing it) have my son every wed & fri eve and every other weekend. As my ex is disabled I was saddled with all the debt 16k of cc and loans, have to pay all mortgage and house bills (as this is where my son lives) and now don't get any government support as I'm deemed not the one looking after the child, so I'm screwed with debt no work as I live 45 miles away so can't work wed / Friday as I have to pick him from school while my ex gets over £2000 a month in benifits. Our system is a joke sometimes. Oh and it's not just mums that get a raw deal sometime. " You can force the sale of the home if you dont want to continue paying the mortgage, after the mortgage is paid what is left over would probably be split if you are married or divorced and she can then rent or if she is disabled is entitled to a council property, aslong as the child is housed it can be anywhere with her they cannot force you to pay a mortgage you cannot afford as at some point you will default and then the bank would take it & they would be homeless so the best option is for her to go into other housing, if renting she would get housing benefit too | |||
"I'm livid. My ex husband has just told me our daughter is too expensive so I'm asking alot that he pays child support and then has to pay for stuff on his days with her and I should pay for it. He has her on a Wednesday morning and 1 Saturday a month I had to vent cos my friends n family would hit the roof" It's bollocks love 
My daughter just turned 25 and her father has just finished paying his arrears at £25 a month. My son got nothing
It's all part of them still trying to have some kind of control over you. Try and let it go (I know not easy)
My ex husband told me at Christmas that I was right and has many regrets.
Chin up chuck. You're doing a great job xx | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"Try and imagine how you would feel if the situation were reversed and your children spent the majority of their time with him and you were paying him child support - and expected to fork out for things when they were with you. Have some empathy! Children are NOT a cash machine!!! Sorry, but this really gets my goat! As a father who has been fighting for his children through the courts since 2011 (due to a very difficult ex who repeatedly breaches court orders), who is trying to build a small business, on a low income and who is paying child support, I can actually completely sympathize with your ex - though personally, my children come first and I will do whatever I have to in order to be able to afford whatever my children need. " Well I am one of those guys that was claiming child support from my ex wife, And I had them 7 days a week. Not all of us guys are absent fathers. | |||
"Try and imagine how you would feel if the situation were reversed and your children spent the majority of their time with him and you were paying him child support - and expected to fork out for things when they were with you. Have some empathy! Children are NOT a cash machine!!! Sorry, but this really gets my goat! As a father who has been fighting for his children through the courts since 2011 (due to a very difficult ex who repeatedly breaches court orders), who is trying to build a small business, on a low income and who is paying child support, I can actually completely sympathize with your ex - though personally, my children come first and I will do whatever I have to in order to be able to afford whatever my children need. Well I am one of those guys that was claiming child support from my ex wife, And I had them 7 days a week. Not all of us guys are absent fathers." | |||
"I've never hidden from the fact that I have to support my son I know I do and I always will, but since about year ago me and my ex agreed to share custody, I have him for and week and then his mom for the other week so how it is that the csa still feel that I should pay child matenance as I said I've never shyed away from the fact I need to support him although I always paid on time aswell as also contributed to school uniforms/trips etc! We have shared custody not on paper but verbal between ourselves and yet I'm still governed to pay. Just doesn't seem fair at all but then again the csa don't really like us fathers as I have found out several times when I have called them, well that's my point but suppose not everyone is the same
I share custody and would never dream of taking money. I may ask to share the cost of things like school trips or other expensive things but that's about it x"Guess your just a better person then she is | |||
| |||
"It's come out now, it's not the money that's the only issue. Her behaviour and being ungrateful I laughed, she's 3 "Wow he sounds like a complete asshole!! | |||
"It's come out now, it's not the money that's the only issue. Her behaviour and being ungrateful I laughed, she's 3
Wow he sounds like a complete asshole!!" | |||
"It's come out now, it's not the money that's the only issue. Her behaviour and being ungrateful I laughed, she's 3 "Wtf | |||
| |||
"My lad lives with me 6 nights a week on average I send him to private school all his sports clubs and trips etc and his mum contributes nothing - but has managed to buy herself a new merc If the roles were reversed I would be vilified " That's terrible. MrWho is in a very similar situation, except his ex-wife has the kids for a couple of hours the occasional Sunday. | |||
| |||
"I (WB) have a daughter with a previous partner. They live in a forgiven country now, so to see my little princess, it costs flights and hotels at least one weekend a month, plus all her holidays, summer, Christmas etc, she spends with me. Which entails, flying to pick her up, both of us flying back here, both back again to drop her off and me flying back alone, plus 2 nights in a hotel too. (she can fly as an unaccompanied minor in the summer but that route closes from October to March) I ask her mother when she is going to spend time with me, to send her with an empty suitcase, just pack a change of clothes and a few little vests, knickers and socks, she is 10, so she has her own style now, I take her to Penny's (Primark) and we go wild, it doesn't cost a fortune and it's not bad stuff, plus they grow so fast she is not in it long enough for it wear it out. Along with her monthly maintaince, I pay for extra school activities too, she's doing music, drama and yoga and has started back doing ballet. But she's tried it all, from horse riding to gymnastics. Sorry for rabbiting on, but the point I'm trying to make is, this is an investment. An investment in your child's mental and physical well being. Like anything worth its salt, it takes time, money and a hell of a lot of love. I know my time as super hero dad is running out, she is 10now, soon she will be a teenager and she won't want anything to do with me. If I am to be totally honest, sometimes I'd rather go on the piss with my friends, or weekends away, or music festivals, or fab parties and swingers clubs, but I am fully aware that the time I spend and invest in her now, when I am older and I want her to take time out of her life to spend time with me, the time, and to a lesser extent, the money I invested in her will be all worth while. Any Dick with a Dick can be a father takes a man to be a Dad. " yep it will end!! Your right super cool dad and yes for sure it's happened to me I new it would end up this way from Day1evenI was investing every weekend over 15 years with him trying to do my best and do the right things no one is perfect but hey ho! Now I'm a ghost facebook peruzel keeping check!! | |||
"CSA is closing anyway x" yes I thought it had folded another government failing tossers lol | |||
| |||
"Saddest thing in this thread is that not one dad so far has custody of thier child.... I know only 1 dad who got custody of thier child after a break up and it took iirc 5 years of struggle. During which time the mother, who had been physically abusive to him, hes partly disabled, in the relationship had; Taken the children's items (tablets, phones etc) hed bought them and sold them, Had numerous visits from the police for having local d*unks/teenagers round the house high and getting complaints from.the neighbours, Refused to buy any clothes for the kids while buying new stuff for herself, so he had to keep buying them clothes on the days he saw them, Continually posted vitrolic lies about him on facebook etc/bad mouthed him about town with lies to the point he couldnt go to the pub any more as he recived threats from people who believed her. Was insane the amount of difficulty he hsd getting his kids back" I've counted at least 3 dads on the thread who are the primary carer for their children. It's irrelevant in a way, which parent is the main carer or if it's 50/50, what is important is that the child is put first and if possible, maintains good contact with both parents. CSA was replaced by the Child Maintenance Scheme. I think it's 15% of salary for one child. 20% for two. And that should cover everything. I have no idea how they picked that figure but there must be some formula somewhere worked out by someone in Whitehall. And kids grow up and eventually suss who did what. It will all come out in the wash. | |||
| |||
 | |||
| |||
| |||
"I have 3 beautiful children..that I pay monthly for..and I see them every wed..every sat..and they stay every other fri...and I wouldn't ask the mother for nothing..she does a good job with them..when they with me ,there my responsibility....I even had two days off work last week because the work hrs interfered with me seeing them....nothing comes before them to me..... "I really respect men who are responsible fathers - good on you x | |||
"My son dad has only paid £1,300 in 12 yrs,not had a penny of him since 2007,when I was wiv the csa they took him to court twice and he got out of it,now wiv the new child maintenance system,which I had to paid to sign up to and paid for them to collect the money from him,it's going to court again, my son is one of 5 kids he got now and the only one he doesn't see or pay for,he only has to paid £7 a wk!!!! But goes on fancy holiday s wiv his gf and kids, The system is a joke,he rents out houses but unless I can prove where the houses are He rents out and prove what he earns nothing I can do, He knows how to play the system, My son hasn't got a dad or father he got a Sprem donor " Im with you on this 1, both my kids "fathers" walked away after promising to stick around and help. Il be forever grateful to them for giving me my kids but they are nothing more than sperm donors. | |||
"Saddest thing in this thread is that not one dad so far has custody of thier child.... I know only 1 dad who got custody of thier child after a break up and it took iirc 5 years of struggle. During which time the mother, who had been physically abusive to him, hes partly disabled, in the relationship had; Taken the children's items (tablets, phones etc) hed bought them and sold them, Had numerous visits from the police for having local d*unks/teenagers round the house high and getting complaints from.the neighbours, Refused to buy any clothes for the kids while buying new stuff for herself, so he had to keep buying them clothes on the days he saw them, Continually posted vitrolic lies about him on facebook etc/bad mouthed him about town with lies to the point he couldnt go to the pub any more as he recived threats from people who believed her. Was insane the amount of difficulty he hsd getting his kids back" actually I had full custody of 2 children my son and daughter. the exception being my son is actually my stepson im glad I did it and wouldnt change anything for what ive seen and enjoyed with them. | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"It's come out now, it's not the money that's the only issue. Her behaviour and being ungrateful I laughed, she's 3
Wow he sounds like a complete asshole!!"One side of the story | |||
"My ex and I have shared custody, it works well for us and there is no payment to either party. People really need to grow the fuck up and keep their egos and bitterness in check when negotiating care of their children." Bitterness and being vindictive hidden behind 'what's best for the children'. Jealousy of his new perfect life or him feeling that he's paying for her new wardrobe or her nights out with new fella. Money is one of the few ways people can get at an ex and sadly some use it as a tool to do so. If people negotiate fairly between themselves and compromise with the children at heart both sides are more likely to stick to any agreement. Sadly revenge and bitterness dominate proceedings for too many. | |||
"I have 3 beautiful children..that I pay monthly for..and I see them every wed..every sat..and they stay every other fri...and I wouldn't ask the mother for nothing..she does a good job with them..when they with me ,there my responsibility....I even had two days off work last week because the work hrs interfered with me seeing them....nothing comes before them to me.....
I really respect men who are responsible fathers - good on you x"Thanks very much... I just think if I was there. Living with them it would cost alot more so what I pay is the least I can do...I help with uniforms at school time...school trips ..whatever. .they r half mine ... | |||
"My son dad has only paid £1,300 in 12 yrs,not had a penny of him since 2007,when I was wiv the csa they took him to court twice and he got out of it,now wiv the new child maintenance system,which I had to paid to sign up to and paid for them to collect the money from him,it's going to court again, my son is one of 5 kids he got now and the only one he doesn't see or pay for,he only has to paid £7 a wk!!!! But goes on fancy holiday s wiv his gf and kids, The system is a joke,he rents out houses but unless I can prove where the houses are He rents out and prove what he earns nothing I can do, He knows how to play the system, My son hasn't got a dad or father he got a Sprem donor " Sorry its this way for u and yr lad...tho we can determine he has a wicked mum. Chin up | |||
"I agree always paid for mine had to take my ex to court as she refused me access moved down south and travelled 160 miles one way to have them every second weekend within two years the didn't want to come to see me as ex had told them what a shit I was still send money to daughter every week to help with her uni costs and she 21 now but still won't see me " Try a heart felt letter to yr daughter. . Explain yr pain .. Then its up to her bud.... I walked 7 miles to see my kids and door was shut in my face.... So I kept walking them miles untill it weren't. . Always have hope | |||
| |||
| |||
"All these women complaining about the men they chose to have kids with?? Wtf "Actually, there are just as many men complaining about the women..... | |||
"All these women complaining about the men they chose to have kids with?? Wtf
Actually, there are just as many men complaining about the women....."
| |||
"All these women complaining about the men they chose to have kids with?? Wtf
Actually, there are just as many men complaining about the women.....". Ha well again wtf | |||
| |||
| |||
"All these women complaining about the men they chose to have kids with?? Wtf "Unfortunately, I think people have a tendency to change over time. What would've once been someone you saw fit to have children with, can turn into someone you barely recognise. | |||
