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The dullest way you've nearly died
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I set fire to my toaster. Well Im guessing a crumb caught fire. I didn't know what to do and just stood and looked at it.
Luckily it went out by itself. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was about 11, in the local park. Some lads were playing football, kicked it behind the goal. I stopped it, went to kick it back. The ball was stationary, I was stationary.. Woke up later in the hospital with head injuries. My friend had carried me home where they called an ambulance. Still no idea what I did, but it must have involved a backflip and the worst free kick ever. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Tumbling over the bonnet of a car after being removed from my motorcycle. I has a rucksack full of clothing that took the impact instead of my head when I hit the floor. Which was lucky, as my crash helmet had come off during the process of going earth sky earth sky earth sky bump. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i got caught in a breaker in the indian ocean - they were large and easy to ride but i caught one a bit late and got tumbled about - seemed to last for ages - totally disorientated me and left me breathless - now i have good sex for the same effect  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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late one night I'm lying in bed reading a book..
the next thing I know I'm somewhere near the ceiling looking down on myself, book fallen across my face and eyes closed...
the shock of seeing me brought me back  |
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"late one night I'm lying in bed reading a book..
the next thing I know I'm somewhere near the ceiling looking down on myself, book fallen across my face and eyes closed...
the shock of seeing me brought me back "
That would be called dreaming.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was literally within inches of being hit by a tram overseas. I looked the wrong way crossing the road not realising they drive on the opppsite side of the road. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Was sleeping in my bed when I heard a huge crash. When I went to get out of bed there was tons of shit all over the floor. I was about 10 at the time.
Turns out my ceiling fell in on me in my sleep. I didn't have a scratch because my canopy bed saved me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Passed out in the shower due to a drop in blood pressure, i was having a dream i was late for work when i was woken by my now ex who'd come into to me bleeding, the bath broken and i was face down by the plug! |
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Spose the closest I have been to serious was the birth of my first child at the cottage hospital.
Retained placenta haemorrhage, Flying Squad from RBH and 4 pints of blood transfusion. Hubby said delivery room looked like there had been a massacre, blood all over the walls. I recovered quick tho. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Giving birth to my first born. App I bleed out. Last thing I remember was looking at my husband holding my daughter n thinking I'm never going to see them again.
PTU xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Nearly drowned at a swimming party as a kid (I'd stopped lessons the year before, forgotten how to swim but then jumped in at the deep end!)
My best mate saved me
Rest of the party didn't notice/care
Party carried on as normal and I stayed in the shallow end 
Ruby |
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Choked on a fruit shoot lid as a kid. I told my dad it flew into my mouth but I was actually just a dumb cunt and went running up the stairs with the lid in my mouth.
A plane I was in flew by a tornado.. I suppose I could have died if the pilot didn't know what he was doing.
Got hit by a lorry when I was a passenger in a Ford Focus as a kid. The lorry was a left hand drive and the driver just didn't see us.. we got pinned under the front of it for about 100 yards until the driver heard all the beeping from the cars going past. |
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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago
Hull |
Driving down the A1M mid afternoon! I'd collected a hire van day before from Hull & driven it up north into Aviemore just before midnight.
Next morning at 8am, loaded the van then drove back south to Hull.
At bottom end of A1, few miles before the M62 turn, I was in outside lane, wheels hit the rumble strip on edge of lane, I over corrected and before I knew it, was over in the Inside lane..... at 4.30 in the afternoon on a weekday and it was dead quiet just at that time of day.
Reckoned I fell asleep at the wheel! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've had a partial drowning...and I've had to jump onto the bonnet of a car as it went out of control towards me..I'd have been crushed...I've lost my breaks at speed and just missed a 4x4 ...don't even mention the bloodbath of childbirth... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Went to a nightclub in a lbd.
Got utterly pissed.
Missed first step of 50 leaving the club.
Ended up at the bottom...lbd round my neck...no underwear.
Knocked out...fractured skull.
Woke up in the hospital I worked at covered in blood and missing a day.
Was lucky not to break my neck.
I always wear underwear now!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would not exactly say that it was the dullest, But entertaining for the people watching me, Unknowing to them, I was having the electric current from the sound to light controller passing through my body, that I was holding. they thought I was messing about, stoned on lsd or something, I was lucky that I was shaking violently like a man possessed, and the connection with the electric was broken. The embarrassing thing about my near miss with death was ! I looked like ken Dodd for a couple of days |
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By *heWolfMan
over a year ago
warwickshire |
Rode my motorbike up the coast of Portugal in the blazing sun, and by early evening was desperate to cool off in the sea. I stopped the bike by a deserted beach, stumbled towards the surf, shedding leather all the way. The waves were quite big, but not massive, I figured I could easily swim past the break into the swell.
No chance. By the time I realised that the waves were actually quite tall, I couldn't get through them, they were coming too fast. I couldn't even get back up the beach which was very steep, the eddy sucking a great gouge from the sand as the waves receded. Each one tumbled me like a rag doll and despite trying to keep calm and getting a breath when I surfaced, I was tiring quickly and losing orientation.
I could just think "Fuck. I'm going to drown on a deserted beach. This is how it ends".
Worse, I had left my GoPro running attached to the front of the bike directly up the beach in front of me and thought I'd either end up on "The World's Stupidest Twats" or that someone would find my stuff and just nick the bike.
Just as my strength was running out trying to stay right-side-up and keep getting air, the sea just spat me out, right out of reach of the waves and I just lay on the dry sand. The video doesn't give much indication of the trouble I was actually in, you just see my head bob up now and again as wave after wave pile down on top of me.
I learned a lesson that day - don't underestimate the sea. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Death by Power-Point Presentation  "
148 slides ! 148 today , I survived , I have no idea how , I kid you not .
Don't ask what they were about I really can't recall . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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caravan freezing arse off so turned on gas fire all bars n gas cooker rings n grill and got all warm ...Woke up with headache and ..carbon monoxide poisoning |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Eating a sausage roll....apparently I'm very occasionally almost fatally allergic to pork!.......how do cope lol  "
How bad we talking is it Like no bacon sandwiches no sausages either ? ever ? Never ? OMG |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Was very ill with swine flu a few years back, couldn't sleep in bed so was lying back in the reclining chair. Was sucking on a boiled sweet when all of a sudden it went down the back of my throat. Coughing and spluttering it came back up but was a bit rattled. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Spent about 30 seconds earlier choking on one of those spaghetti hoop things in a cup of soup .. What a poor way to go !!!
"
I microwaved my head when I was younger. . It's a Long story.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Spose the closest I have been to serious was the birth of my first child at the cottage hospital.
Retained placenta haemorrhage, Flying Squad from RBH and 4 pints of blood transfusion. Hubby said delivery room looked like there had been a massacre, blood all over the walls. I recovered quick tho."
This happened to me..
Over 200 stitches, 3rd degree tear. 3 pints of blood straight away and another 4 over the next few days... |
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"Spose the closest I have been to serious was the birth of my first child at the cottage hospital.
Retained placenta haemorrhage, Flying Squad from RBH and 4 pints of blood transfusion. Hubby said delivery room looked like there had been a massacre, blood all over the walls. I recovered quick tho.
This happened to me..
Over 200 stitches, 3rd degree tear. 3 pints of blood straight away and another 4 over the next few days... "
Blimey where did they stitch? how big was baby. Mine was only a wee 7.1 lbs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Eating a sausage roll....apparently I'm very occasionally almost fatally allergic to pork!.......how do cope lol
How bad we talking is it Like no bacon sandwiches no sausages either ? ever ? Never ? OMG "
Bacon and ham is fine because it's cured, sausage rolls and roast pork/pork chops have set me off a few times but only once put me in ICU so I only eat pork at home where I know I've got an epi pen handy just in case |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Spent about 30 seconds earlier choking on one of those spaghetti hoop things in a cup of soup .. What a poor way to go !!!
I microwaved my head when I was younger. . It's a Long story. "
Dude I've got all morning, please tell more. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hi guys Mr Knots here.
I drank a bottle of red thunderbird when I was 15, I was trying to show off in front of my mates. Woke up in hospital after having my stomach pumped.
Turns out the only thing I showed off was my bum when they hung me upside down on the goal posts. |
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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago
West Wales |
I almost choked on a giant gobstopper, dad picked me up by my ankles and bounced my head on the floor a few times & it popped out.
One sweet that is forever banned, not even sure you can get giant ones now?
S |
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Many years ago I managed to spin a 3 tonne LGV on a roundabout above the M62, as diesel had spilled out of the tank onto the back wheels. Luckily it was before 7 in the morning so managed to avoid making contact with anything else. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Spotting Amy Winehouse going into a pub in Camden years ago but not noticing a truck thundering towards me as I attempted to cross the road.
Thankfully my friend did and yanked me backwards.
Yeah, not much to say to that.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When I was around 11 we had an old chest freezer and the light had gone in it, bulb had been removed, guess which dickhead stuck her finger in said hole to see if there was any ice in there.....  "
I did precisely this with a fish tank |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was run over at 18. By a car slowing down. Still did some damage mind.
Most recently i electrocuted myself on a light fitting and i think i only survived because i was wearing flip flops.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Rode my motorbike up the coast of Portugal in the blazing sun, and by early evening was desperate to cool off in the sea. I stopped the bike by a deserted beach, stumbled towards the surf, shedding leather all the way. The waves were quite big, but not massive, I figured I could easily swim past the break into the swell.
No chance. By the time I realised that the waves were actually quite tall, I couldn't get through them, they were coming too fast. I couldn't even get back up the beach which was very steep, the eddy sucking a great gouge from the sand as the waves receded. Each one tumbled me like a rag doll and despite trying to keep calm and getting a breath when I surfaced, I was tiring quickly and losing orientation.
I could just think "Fuck. I'm going to drown on a deserted beach. This is how it ends".
Worse, I had left my GoPro running attached to the front of the bike directly up the beach in front of me and thought I'd either end up on "The World's Stupidest Twats" or that someone would find my stuff and just nick the bike.
Just as my strength was running out trying to stay right-side-up and keep getting air, the sea just spat me out, right out of reach of the waves and I just lay on the dry sand. The video doesn't give much indication of the trouble I was actually in, you just see my head bob up now and again as wave after wave pile down on top of me.
I learned a lesson that day - don't underestimate the sea. "
Great story...thanks for that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Spent about 30 seconds earlier choking on one of those spaghetti hoop things in a cup of soup .. What a poor way to go !!!
I microwaved my head when I was younger. . It's a Long story.
Dude I've got all morning, please tell more."
Actually, self explanatory, That pretty much covered it. (It's always shorter than I thought) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I once rode my push bike on the pavement when younger and lost control and hit one of them big green electricity boxes and went over the handlebars.
Also when younger I went downhill on some rollerskates and couldn't stop myself so had to grab hold of a lamp-post (at what felt like high speed!!), i swung around it Benny Hill style and then smacked my forehead and ended up on the floor. My mates were bent over double laughing at me  |
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In my youth I used to sail, one particular race it was very blustery, the dinghy started to topple on one gust, as crew I launched myself back to help right the boat as it came level again I fell into water, however ankle was caught around the sheet of the jib and I was dragged behind for a good couple of minutes as wind suddenly took dinghy off... Head was being dragged and buffeted under and my helm could not hear me.. Eventually someone shouted to him to change course and he then noticed me and dragged me back aboard... Apparently I was blue and coughing up a water for a while... Finished the race, got on shore and then went into shock.... Once I was OK again I went back out and continued racing.. Next week I went out and bought a better life jacket! |
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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago
Bristol |
Some idiot running late for work undertaking a queue of traffic on a pedestrian crossing. Seven year old me skipping across the road having checked her green cross code like a good girl. No contest as to which one of us ended up being rushed to hospital... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Since about 8 years old, up until last year, I raced Motocross bikes
I've been over a 20ft sheer drop.
I've gone over my handlebars at brute force it broke my breast plate.
I've been through solid wood hoardings.
But the 20ft drop one was the one where I shit my fucking pants the most, by rights I should have been dead. |
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I was injured serving in the Balkans.. Far worse places to be injured mind you..
That didn't get close to killing me..
A few years later I ended up in agony when I picked up my very young son, I was rushed into majors, blood pressure non existent and my partner being told expect the worst.. An adhesion scar had torn and I bled internally.
Dying because of picking up a toddler is a pretty naff way to go... |
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