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Duke is forced to shave a bearded clam.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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The Duke is absolutely incensed. Indeed, his entire Saturday evening soiree was almost cancelled on the spot due to the neglectful presentation of a sloppy swinger.
When ones receives an invitation from Duke Towers we expect the contents to be read thoroughly. After all, each invite has been hand written on parchment and carefully crafted using only quills of the finest quality. The Duke is a firm believer in exemplary penmanship and offers free hand writing analysis since it reveals excellent insight into ones personality.
Excitement and anticipation surrounded this particularly event due to the unveiling of Dukes latests ice sculpture, (The Duke creates icy masterpieces in his spare time). Unfortunately, as our naked guests surrounded the shrouded sculpture and Duke sat at his piano, gasps of outrage filled the air. One guest stood in Duke Towers, on the polished oak floor unashamedly oblivious to her dilapidated rancid lady taco which was covered in unsightly pubic hair.
Fortunately, here at Duke Towers we have a plaque on the entrance hall wall honouring the three I's, Integrity, Intensity and Intelligence. An immediate truth circle was formed and each guest was allowed to voice their opinion regarding the fluffy cock cave. The majority voted in favour of the disgraced guest's immediate removal. However, The Duke has recently taken note of negative forum comments and decided to compromise even though he was disappointed his timing schedule would be ruined and his Liberace piano tribute sacrificed.
As the assistant was sent to purchase razors and shaving foam, (The Duke regularly visits a male grooming parlour therefore no such items exist at the Towers) it was explained to the sulking swinger why a hairy axe wound is not acceptable. It is well known The Duke is a Masarati amongst Fiats and in order for the full pink torpedo experience a smooth work surface is essential.
Parading a hairy sin slit is a serious crime so luckily the razors and cream arrived quickly and a make shift shaving bed was set up by the security team. The Duke went to work and with surgeon level steady hands he transformed the blasphemous bush into a puffy pink swollen cock box ready for drilling.
Duke's final thought.
It is paramount that guests read invitations extremely carefully. Pay close attention to the hosts rules and regulations. If swingers continue to ignore host rules then we have to alternative but to start screening guests upon arrival.
Duke has spoken
#Duke
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't know if this is serious, but I'm happy to say that you're particularly good at sounding like a posh and super arrogant wanker.
If this is true, it needn't have been said on here as the girl in question could see it and feel offended, especially as you're not just asking advice on the topic, but openly mocking. If not, then why do you insist on referring to yourself in the third person and reminding others you're awesome in your made up stories.
Also actually awesome people tend to not need to tell people they are, and act holier than thou, they're just effortlessly cool.
I'm not usually mean but you sound like a dick with this post. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't know if this is serious, but I'm happy to say that you're particularly good at sounding like a posh and super arrogant wanker.
If this is true, it needn't have been said on here as the girl in question could see it and feel offended, especially as you're not just asking advice on the topic, but openly mocking. If not, then why do you insist on referring to yourself in the third person and reminding others you're awesome in your made up stories.
Also actually awesome people tend to not need to tell people they are, and act holier than thou, they're just effortlessly cool.
I'm not usually mean but you sound like a dick with this post. "
Its quite obvious its a joke,stevie wonder can see that,lighten the fuck up |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't know if this is serious, but I'm happy to say that you're particularly good at sounding like a posh and super arrogant wanker.
If this is true, it needn't have been said on here as the girl in question could see it and feel offended, especially as you're not just asking advice on the topic, but openly mocking. If not, then why do you insist on referring to yourself in the third person and reminding others you're awesome in your made up stories.
Also actually awesome people tend to not need to tell people they are, and act holier than thou, they're just effortlessly cool.
I'm not usually mean but you sound like a dick with this post. "
You really couldn't see it was a tongue in cheek post?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I love these stories
I have tears running down my cheeks 
 "
Wasn't ideal at the time, seeing as I was sat in a quiet corner of a cafe and could see people looking over thinking 'what the fk is up with him'  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well I'm not so sure I agree with The Duke on this one, so I had to go away and write a poem to properly articulate my views:
On the subject of a ladies' bits "downstairs"
It's always nice to see a few dark hairs,
Bald and smooth is a popular theme
And maybe I'm alone (or so it would seem)
In appreciating a neatly trimmed bush
Perfectly manicured, and at a push,
In an absolutely perfect lady-garden marriage
There would also be a silky bare undercarriage
Although having said that what I really mean
Is that I love all pussy as long as it's clean!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well I'm not so sure I agree with The Duke on this one, so I had to go away and write a poem to properly articulate my views:
On the subject of a ladies' bits "downstairs"
It's always nice to see a few dark hairs,
Bald and smooth is a popular theme
And maybe I'm alone (or so it would seem)
In appreciating a neatly trimmed bush
Perfectly manicured, and at a push,
In an absolutely perfect lady-garden marriage
There would also be a silky bare undercarriage
Although having said that what I really mean
Is that I love all pussy as long as it's clean!
"
He he he brilliant  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Well I'm not so sure I agree with The Duke on this one, so I had to go away and write a poem to properly articulate my views:
On the subject of a ladies' bits "downstairs"
It's always nice to see a few dark hairs,
Bald and smooth is a popular theme
And maybe I'm alone (or so it would seem)
In appreciating a neatly trimmed bush
Perfectly manicured, and at a push,
In an absolutely perfect lady-garden marriage
There would also be a silky bare undercarriage
Although having said that what I really mean
Is that I love all pussy as long as it's clean!
He he he brilliant "
Very good |
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Duke if you're really serious about no fluffy cock caves then Duke Towers need to invest in an epilator. It's the only thing that does the job properly with the added bonus of pain and punishment for your delinquent guests |
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