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Erectile issues
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Part way through my marriage I began to think I had erection problems. When I wanked, it wasn't always very hard and when we had sex, I'd lose interest quickly as it was pretty plain stuff and we were falling out of love.
I joined fab after we split, took some pics and struggled with maintaining a hard on for those.
It turns out.. I don't have issues, kind of. On first meets it can be an issue, I don't know why, nerves or not knowing the person, worrying it'll go soft.
Condoms are an issue, I love skin to skin, but I worry about stis. But they desensitize me, something that was never an issue before.
I also know how to make sex last, I can go for a long time, if we rest, I can go again a second time if she's excited me enough as I recuperate.
But I'm finding now as I get older.. That I have to know the woman quite well to not have any erection problems. She has to know that holding off cumming is a mental battle I sometimes win too strongly and end up floppy mid penetration on occasion.
It's all mental.. I worry about if she believes what I'm saying regards to holding off and fighting that feeling. That's why the better I know someone, the less of an issue it is.
I met a cracking woman the other day, filthy mind, nsa, best naked body I've ever seen in my life, but we had a social, then had sex that night. I went floppy a few times and although she was cool about it, got me hard again in less than a minute.
I can't help but think I may not get a second chance with her. Which is a shame as the better we knew each other, the less it happens. After 3rd time it's no longer an issue.
Wish I had the brain of an 18yr old again, but then again I wouldn't be half as good in bed as I am now.
Any other guys have that mental block occasionally on first meets or someone you don't know well? Or is it me? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm probably shooting myself in the foot here but sod it. I've experienced the same thing. Nerves on a first meet have gotten the better of me - although I've thoroughly enjoyed myself in other ways.
Subsequent meets I'm usually comfortable enough with them that it isn't an issue.
Definitely a mental thing but, probably similarly to you, it's due to years of being in the wrong place mentally. Takes a long time to unwind those things and it is something I am trying to work on while not as free as you.
Having said that, it's always worth getting a doctor to have a look over just to rule out anything physical. Also, have a search for ThingTwos cock plan. If I can remember the thread name I'll post a link |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It happens. I found lots of exercise, a healthy diet and zinc and maca supplements have sorted it. My problem was exacerbated with an antihypertensive called amlodopine. But since I lost weight through the exercise and diet, I've come off amlodopine and the psychological problem disappeared too. I'm 52 and horny as fuck now  |
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"Part way through my marriage I began to think I had erection problems. When I wanked, it wasn't always very hard and when we had sex, I'd lose interest quickly as it was pretty plain stuff and we were falling out of love.
I joined fab after we split, took some pics and struggled with maintaining a hard on for those.
Have a check for diabetes !! That's how I started and now it's completely knackered and I can't get a meet for love nor money !!
I'm devestated mate but don't let it get any worse
Pills don't work for me at all now
51 and my sex life is over !!
It turns out.. I don't have issues, kind of. On first meets it can be an issue, I don't know why, nerves or not knowing the person, worrying it'll go soft.
Condoms are an issue, I love skin to skin, but I worry about stis. But they desensitize me, something that was never an issue before.
I also know how to make sex last, I can go for a long time, if we rest, I can go again a second time if she's excited me enough as I recuperate.
But I'm finding now as I get older.. That I have to know the woman quite well to not have any erection problems. She has to know that holding off cumming is a mental battle I sometimes win too strongly and end up floppy mid penetration on occasion.
It's all mental.. I worry about if she believes what I'm saying regards to holding off and fighting that feeling. That's why the better I know someone, the less of an issue it is.
I met a cracking woman the other day, filthy mind, nsa, best naked body I've ever seen in my life, but we had a social, then had sex that night. I went floppy a few times and although she was cool about it, got me hard again in less than a minute.
I can't help but think I may not get a second chance with her. Which is a shame as the better we knew each other, the less it happens. After 3rd time it's no longer an issue.
Wish I had the brain of an 18yr old again, but then again I wouldn't be half as good in bed as I am now.
Any other guys have that mental block occasionally on first meets or someone you don't know well? Or is it me? "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Guys guys guys, it's normal and any woman who thinks it's not should be avoided."
I know but it's so bloody annoying when you hear 'I want you inside me' and you're thinking 'I want nothing else more in the world right now' and the fella just won't respond 
Becomes a vicious circle.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I don't think it's physical at all. I've had a relationship since my marriage ended and I'm lucky enough to have a couple whose female half I see regularly. She thinks I'm mad as she's forgotten our first experience as all the others have been awesome.. We regularly go four bouts, I cum around the end of fourth and the last time I came again on a fifth bout.
It's mental nerves and a hangover from the bad end to the marriage.
I don't feel it's worth going to see a doc for, if I can go as long as I do with my regulars. It can't be. But on a first meet.. I struggle.
I guess if they aren't the type of woman who understands and believes me, then they aren't the right person for me I guess. It's just a shame because my last meet was jaw droppingly hot and lots of fun to hang out with.
She says she often gets funny afterwards and feels a little guilty, she said that before we'd started, so I guess women have mental hangups as much as we do. So hopefully she'll come round in a few days and I'll get my second chance. |
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"Guys guys guys, it's normal and any woman who thinks it's not should be avoided.
I know but it's so bloody annoying when you hear 'I want you inside me' and you're thinking 'I want nothing else more in the world right now' and the fella just won't respond
Becomes a vicious circle.
"
I get that, I really do and it's happened to me so I initiate a break and start over.
Recently, it happened because we didn't spend enough time in foreplay so we got dressed and went back to coffee!
Sometimes, I think we just have to accept that occasionally, despite feeling horny, it's just not working. |
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I've had it once before on a meet and so have 2 guys we've met. Sometimes the chap downstairs just doesn't want to play, I assume. It's nearly always nerves. I know every guy on fab is a stud so I'm probably going against the bloke code but hey...
My 2ppenoth: abstinence for a couple of days before a meet, a cock ring, and a cialis an hour before may well address the symptoms and hopefully give you confidence (which will probably address the cause). Then you won't need the help |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Guys guys guys, it's normal and any woman who thinks it's not should be avoided.
I know but it's so bloody annoying when you hear 'I want you inside me' and you're thinking 'I want nothing else more in the world right now' and the fella just won't respond
Becomes a vicious circle."
Same problem, OP. Sometimes have a mental block, when faced with fucking a stranger - but eases off as you become familiar.
After 24 years of bareback marital monogamy, my brain had trouble accepting that sex with someone else, is ok. It is taking a long time, to break the conditioning.
Yes, condoms can exacerbate the problem but bareback isn't worth the risk.
No problems physically - can wake several times during the night, rock hard.
If the person you are with, is patient and understands that this is fairly common, then hopefully you can relax and let things progress naturally.
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"Part way through my marriage I began to think I had erection problems. When I wanked, it wasn't always very hard and when we had sex, I'd lose interest quickly as it was pretty plain stuff and we were falling out of love.
I joined fab after we split, took some pics and struggled with maintaining a hard on for those.
Have a check for diabetes !! That's how I started and now it's completely knackered and I can't get a meet for love nor money !!
I'm devestated mate but don't let it get any worse
Pills don't work for me at all now
51 and my sex life is over !!
It turns out.. I don't have issues, kind of. On first meets it can be an issue, I don't know why, nerves or not knowing the person, worrying it'll go soft.
Condoms are an issue, I love skin to skin, but I worry about stis. But they desensitize me, something that was never an issue before.
I also know how to make sex last, I can go for a long time, if we rest, I can go again a second time if she's excited me enough as I recuperate.
But I'm finding now as I get older.. That I have to know the woman quite well to not have any erection problems. She has to know that holding off cumming is a mental battle I sometimes win too strongly and end up floppy mid penetration on occasion.
It's all mental.. I worry about if she believes what I'm saying regards to holding off and fighting that feeling. That's why the better I know someone, the less of an issue it is.
I met a cracking woman the other day, filthy mind, nsa, best naked body I've ever seen in my life, but we had a social, then had sex that night. I went floppy a few times and although she was cool about it, got me hard again in less than a minute.
I can't help but think I may not get a second chance with her. Which is a shame as the better we knew each other, the less it happens. After 3rd time it's no longer an issue.
Wish I had the brain of an 18yr old again, but then again I wouldn't be half as good in bed as I am now.
Any other guys have that mental block occasionally on first meets or someone you don't know well? Or is it me? "
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It happens, in the beginning I thought it was me but then I came to realise Fab is potentially a pressurised situation.
Meet for a coffee and chat, decide to have sex next time. Meet for sex and expected to perform perfectly with a stranger.
That's a lot of pressure. Which is why I think things get better with more meets. We're expecting strangers to understand how our bodies work and how theirs work with no instructions as it were.
It's normal at times and nothing to worry about. I'd say any reasonable woman would understand  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/lounge/592203#last
There we go - that's the thread I mentioned"
I appreciate that, but I can't cut and paste the address into my search bar. Stupid phone. And I'm too lazy to get out of bed to write it down. I'll look in the morning. Cheers. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The pressure on a man to perform is way higher than it is on a female. It's more than understandable if things don't always work. Any woman who's worth meeting will understand that and take time to help and put your mind at rest. There's plenty of other play that can be had in between
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/lounge/592203#last
There we go - that's the thread I mentioned
I appreciate that, but I can't cut and paste the address into my search bar. Stupid phone. And I'm too lazy to get out of bed to write it down. I'll look in the morning. Cheers. "
Forum search Erection help as the search term. Should find it easily. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have met a few guys where this was a problem OP and other than thinking it was something I had or hadn't done it didn't bother me....we just layer naked chatting and flirting then once relaxed it just happened naturally x
Alabama |
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Get to docs asap !
I started like that and now I'm deep shite !
Unable to get erection with pills creams and pump !!
Totally dead and won't ever work again consequently can't get a meet for love nor money !!
Getting loads of views but no meets , not even social.
It don't make me a freak but people don't understand .
I'm devastated mate ! GET TO DOCS !! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It happens, in the beginning I thought it was me but then I came to realise Fab is potentially a pressurised situation.
Meet for a coffee and chat, decide to have sex next time. Meet for sex and expected to perform perfectly with a stranger.
That's a lot of pressure. Which is why I think things get better with more meets. We're expecting strangers to understand how our bodies work and how theirs work with no instructions as it were.
It's normal at times and nothing to worry about. I'd say any reasonable woman would understand "
That's exactly how I feel. It's a relief to hear a woman say it, and thank you to the other woman who said any woman who doesn't understand isn't worth meeting again.
I'm quite perceptive apparantly. I think I'm also empathetic to how others feel. So I over think a lot.. Been told I don't think like your average person by family and friends, but all mean it as a compliment.
It's the new person, especially if there's been a lot of.. I'm going to do this and that, I love it like this etc beforehand.
I'm not blowing my own trumpet.. But if she doesn't want to meet me again, she'll be the first who hasn't or hasn't asked to. Which is why I don't feel like I'm shooting myself in the foot by sharing it.
Just a little paranoid I won't get another meet, because she doesn't know me well enough and I don't know her well enough to know if she's feeling guilty or disinterested.
I've left it with "I had a great night, really enjoyed your company and you're welcome back whenever you want, no pressure and no hard feelings if I don't hear back from you x". |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I guess we've been lucky .
In the five and a half years of swinging we have yet to come across this with any man we have met . And that's a fair few 
For men with this problem , there is always viagra , and providing you're in good health there wouldn't be a problem using it .
It must be a really depressing for both the guy and the woman , as the idea of no strings sex with an unresponsive cock kind of defeats the object somewhat . |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I guess we've been lucky .
In the five and a half years of swinging we have yet to come across this with any man we have met . And that's a fair few
For men with this problem , there is always viagra , and providing you're in good health there wouldn't be a problem using it .
It must be a really depressing for both the guy and the woman , as the idea of no strings sex with an unresponsive cock kind of defeats the object somewhat ."
It's not unresponsive lol.. I just go up and down.. It's the first time pressure. I struggle. I don't fail entirely. Once I'm inside I'm fine lol.. It's just the condom stage usually.. And I'm definitely not the no condoms type unless it's a relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I guess we've been lucky .
In the five and a half years of swinging we have yet to come across this with any man we have met . And that's a fair few
For men with this problem , there is always viagra , and providing you're in good health there wouldn't be a problem using it .
It must be a really depressing for both the guy and the woman , as the idea of no strings sex with an unresponsive cock kind of defeats the object somewhat ."
It doesn't happen Every first meet either, but it's the vicious cycle when it does. I'm not too concerned about myself as, like I've said before, once we've done it once or twice.. It's all good. I know I'm liked as a person, know I'm liked as a sexual partner.. So the mental block evaporates.
But in my head I'm horny as fuck, but also worrying what she may be thinking, no matter the reassurance I get. It's sex with a stranger I guess. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Reading about it recently and for some men, when it happens, your brain goes in to fight or flight mode and releases chemicals that basically stop it from happening.
I'm hoping that sorting the big head will sort the little head - so to speak |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've encountered similar, after long term relationship breakdown.
Got concerned, felt pressure, was checked out by doctor and discussed the problem.
That was all I needed. Talking about it, overcame the moment.
My fitness is good, happy confident body and erections are solid, and can stay hard for a long time.
Definitely believe the fitness is a big element, my own view - positive mind positive willy!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It happens. I found lots of exercise, a healthy diet and zinc and maca supplements have sorted it. My problem was exacerbated with an antihypertensive called amlodopine. But since I lost weight through the exercise and diet, I've come off amlodopine and the psychological problem disappeared too. I'm 52 and horny as fuck now "
This?? |
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"Get to docs asap !
I started like that and now I'm deep shite !
Unable to get erection with pills creams and pump !!
Totally dead and won't ever work again consequently can't get a meet for love nor money !!
Getting loads of views but no meets , not even social.
It don't make me a freak but people don't understand .
I'm devastated mate ! GET TO DOCS !!"
It's highly likely that years of high blood sugars have caused your problems, what the OP is talking about is something entirely different.
What does your HbA1c run at these days? |
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"Get to docs asap !
I started like that and now I'm deep shite !
Unable to get erection with pills creams and pump !!
Totally dead and won't ever work again consequently can't get a meet for love nor money !!
Getting loads of views but no meets , not even social.
It don't make me a freak but people don't understand .
I'm devastated mate ! GET TO DOCS !!
It's highly likely that years of high blood sugars have caused your problems, what the OP is talking about is something entirely different.
What does your HbA1c run at these days?"
19.4 at last count |
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"Get to docs asap !
I started like that and now I'm deep shite !
Unable to get erection with pills creams and pump !!
Totally dead and won't ever work again consequently can't get a meet for love nor money !!
Getting loads of views but no meets , not even social.
It don't make me a freak but people don't understand .
I'm devastated mate ! GET TO DOCS !!
It's highly likely that years of high blood sugars have caused your problems, what the OP is talking about is something entirely different.
What does your HbA1c run at these days?
19.4 at last count"
That's scary. Do you have the help you need to get that down? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hubby has this on a regular basis and has been told it's due to his meds x he only really plays now with people we know and trust xxx
"
.
It's the same one your on Hun xc |
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"Get to docs asap !
I started like that and now I'm deep shite !
Unable to get erection with pills creams and pump !!
Totally dead and won't ever work again consequently can't get a meet for love nor money !!
Getting loads of views but no meets , not even social.
It don't make me a freak but people don't understand .
I'm devastated mate ! GET TO DOCS !!
It's highly likely that years of high blood sugars have caused your problems, what the OP is talking about is something entirely different.
What does your HbA1c run at these days?
19.4 at last count
That's scary. Do you have the help you need to get that down?"
Sent u a pm |
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Definitively mental in lots of cases. I used to be like this in my early 20s so not an age thing. If you're thinking and worrying about going floppy, you'll go floppy!
I found a good girl who got me over it, was very patient so i could relax.
I found I needed that PMA and tried to focus on her not myself.
Easier said then done but it's confidence. I do think fitness is key too, when I go to the gym regularly my Hard-Ons are much stronger, this again gives me confidence and performance anxiety disappears. |
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"Do you mean your sugars are 19.4 on the monitor as an hb1 reading of 19 is amazing x if it's the sugar then get doctors asap x "
Either a random blood glucose or an HbA1c, a reading of 19.4 is not amazing at all, it's highly dangerous. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thank you everyone
I do feel better, I do bring this up with women and couples before we meet. And assure them it's a combo of me trying to hold off and previous hang up from a bad relationship. Everyone has been awesome about it, which is why it's an occasional thing and not regular.
I love using the forum. I don't know any of you, but EVERYTIME without fail.. Whenever I feel like I need to get something off my chest, I use this forum and to date, I've been shown nothing but love and humanity at its best.
Vanilla people may consider us a bunch of pervs, I consider you all friends and family xxx Even the few amongst you who are a little strange to me.. Every family has its black sheep |
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By *s_macWoman
over a year ago
Traffic land |
"Guys guys guys, it's normal and any woman who thinks it's not should be avoided."
Absolutely, all of our bodies, male or female sometimes don't respond in the way we want or expect (sometimes to our utter embarrassment or frustration). We're only human. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Guys guys guys, it's normal and any woman who thinks it's not should be avoided.
Absolutely, all of our bodies, male or female sometimes don't respond in the way we want or expect (sometimes to our utter embarrassment or frustration). We're only human."
Why isn't there a love eyes emoji we can use lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Guys guys guys, it's normal and any woman who thinks it's not should be avoided.
Absolutely, all of our bodies, male or female sometimes don't respond in the way we want or expect (sometimes to our utter embarrassment or frustration). We're only human.
Why isn't there a love eyes emoji we can use lol"
There is 
( l u v ) without the spaces |
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"i get this issue sometimes but it is caused by condoms, the second one is on, it itches the hell then starts it to shrink, no condom and solid. "
If condoms make you itch it sounds like a latex allergy. Have you tried latex free? They even give them out at gum clinics these days. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Thanks OP for this thread. Some of this I well resonate with. Long term marriage break down, fear of not meeting expectation with new partner etc , realising that it's actually your own mindset after that breakdown when everything's on its arse ! I could go on.
Some great commentary here, very helpful and good to know there is support and understanding from both male and females. X |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Guys guys guys, it's normal and any woman who thinks it's not should be avoided.
Absolutely, all of our bodies, male or female sometimes don't respond in the way we want or expect (sometimes to our utter embarrassment or frustration). We're only human.
Why isn't there a love eyes emoji we can use lol
There is
( l u v ) without the spaces"
say Whaaaaaaat is this voodoo? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"i get this issue sometimes but it is caused by condoms, the second one is on, it itches the hell then starts it to shrink, no condom and solid. "
It's not so much the feel of condom on, it's the process.. Stopping.. Thinking of something else, whilst fighting urge to just fuck like a jackhammer and the rising cum feeling.. Mental multi tasking.. I'm a bloke.
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I'm meeting someone fairly regular who has problems staying hard. doesn't bother me- I actually benefit from it as I get much more other attention in between and so does he
I don't meet a dick, I meet a person! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm meeting someone fairly regular who has problems staying hard. doesn't bother me- I actually benefit from it as I get much more other attention in between and so does he
I don't meet a dick, I meet a person!"
We're all people, us single men, with the potential to be a bit of a dick as well as owning one. |
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