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A to Z of unacceptable excuses for meets
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They don't need to be excuses that you have used  |
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If it does happen, it's probably because I've been out on the razz for 4-5 days already and I just over-reached myself.
Rare.
Man of my word.  |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
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c
cock fell off in the car. no idea how. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Dick fell off....  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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C chafed  |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
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e
eggs replaced my eyes and idk how to get to yours |
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Elephants blocking the road, can't make it, soz |
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F:
For fuck's sake! The other half's in a bad mood and the kid won't settle. I'm gonna have to call it off. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
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gorilla got into my house and is forcing me to hand feed it bananas |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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warts
oops...went ahead too much |
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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago
Bristol |
I lost one of my shoes. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm really a man pretending to be a couple......shit... |
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Judge Judy ordered me bound over! |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
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jacked off and cba to travel now |
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J: Just another common or garden timewaster, just sayin', soz. |
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K: Kicked in the shin by small girl. Can't walk. Soz. |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
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licked a frog and trippin now |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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KNACKERED |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Lost my house keys.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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labia frosted |
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L: Liver bust unexpectedly. Soz. Next time? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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my mums watching |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My mum won't let strangers in the house |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No, No, No, No.... Just No, |
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"My mum won't let strangers in the house "
I've shagged people whilst their mum was in the house. Awake. A few times.
Pfft |
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Orgasm lasted 2 days - can't walk! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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quebec had an earthquake and I cannot shag anyone with this misery |
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Queing for the GUM clnic - gotta get rid of this itch! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Qi was on....secret crush for Stephen Fry |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
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run over someone in my haste to drive to yours quickly |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Stuck on the loo with the shits |
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S: Shit! My mother died and I'm the best man, I've gotta run... byeeeee! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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tight foreskin |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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UNLOS  |
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Tazar was set too high - soz, lost function of legs. |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
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"Tazar was set too high - soz, lost function of legs."
dunno why that really made me laugh.
v virginity needs to be kept intact |
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I didn't clean my room,
My mum won't let me out to play.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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L last time i saw someone like you i got arrested not doing that again |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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U: Universe expanded, now you are too far away |
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You know, it's a real funny story..
So there was this business man, well a twat really..
So he thinks he could be president.. Yeh right..
All a bit of a larf really..
So I make this bet.. 100% I'm gonna win..
But you know what.....
.
.
So I'm stuck here, naval orange up my arse and Turkey feathers stuck on my back..
I'm told I'll be let go after thanksgiving..
Anyone know when thanksgiving is? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You know, it's a real funny story..
So there was this business man, well a twat really..
So he thinks he could be president.. Yeh right..
All a bit of a larf really..
So I make this bet.. 100% I'm gonna win..
But you know what..... y
.
.
So I'm stuck here, naval orange up my arse and Turkey feathers stuck on my back..
I'm told I'll be let go after thanksgiving..
Anyone know when thanksgiving is?"
Be careful, I have seen the YouTube Videos, thanks giving Thursday is often followed by smash your doors in Friday  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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zelda...as a ninty freak, for zelda...I strangely felt the cock rise for her...
sad I know lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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[Removed by poster at 11/02/17 00:43:04] |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"what about w x and y?"
Sssh, he's Scottish - don't embarass him for being an uneducated wildling.
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
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"what about w x and y?
Sssh, he's Scottish - don't embarass him for being an uneducated wildling.
"
they're usually clever though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"what about w x and y?
Sssh, he's Scottish - don't embarass him for being an uneducated wildling.
"
lol....whio cares the thread ends at Z... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"what about w x and y?
Sssh, he's Scottish - don't embarass him for being an uneducated wildling.
they're usually clever though. "
We give them free education, but... *shrugs* |
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"I didn't clean my room,
My mum won't let me out to play.. "
She didn't make you learn your alphabet though did she  |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
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"what about w x and y?
Sssh, he's Scottish - don't embarass him for being an uneducated wildling.
they're usually clever though.
We give them free education, but... *shrugs*"
he's starting trouble now, look above you. |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
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"what about w x and y?
Sssh, he's Scottish - don't embarass him for being an uneducated wildling.
lol....whio cares the thread ends at Z..."
w
willie got stuck to my face so i'm shy to go out now |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
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x
x-ray machine showed me what you look like underneath your clothes and i'm not keen |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"what about w x and y?
Sssh, he's Scottish - don't embarass him for being an uneducated wildling.
they're usually clever though.
We give them free education, but... *shrugs*"
I'm discusted with your anti-scot attitude so i wont meet ya...cos you are a
W |
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Z: Zulus, ma'am, 'faasends ov 'em!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Zanex...got a headache |
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"I didn't clean my room,
My mum won't let me out to play..
She didn't make you learn your alphabet though did she "
Are yer questioning me upbringing??
I had a very questionable upbringing I'll have yer know!! |
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"I didn't clean my room,
My mum won't let me out to play..
She didn't make you learn your alphabet though did she
Are yer questioning me upbringing??
I had a very questionable upbringing I'll have yer know!! "
We can tell!  |
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I'm sorry I couldn't make it..
One of them tried to escape from my cellar and I've just spent the last three hours cleaning the blood and checking the other fifteen are still secured.... |
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"I didn't clean my room,
My mum won't let me out to play..
She didn't make you learn your alphabet though did she
Are yer questioning me upbringing??
I had a very questionable upbringing I'll have yer know!!
We can tell! "
Hey,
I resemble that comment.. |
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Round Two - some good entries in first round
A - Angina. I got out of bed too quickly, to wipe the cum off the flock wallpaper, so my angina won't be up for me shagging now. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Dad said that it was his turn to travel |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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B: because I fell down a blasted badger set and broke my toe |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My farmer friend died last night, drinking a pint of milk  the cow fell on him |
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My Dog can tell I've got a meet and won't stop barking |
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C - cat puked on my basque so I've nothing to wear now!  |
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E. Electricity bill has come and I can't afford to shower |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Fuckidyfuckinfuckereits sorry can't fuckin cum. xxx |
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Horrendous wart eruptions on my genitals that won't cover with makeup |
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It's my Dad's birthday. Like it was an unexpected occurrence |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My ex was released from prison early and I need to disappear |
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Jury unexpectedly found me guilty. |
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I was wanking furiously over your pics, I slipped on the cum puddle and well, I broke my Cock... |
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Remeber it'supposed be A - Z lol. Last one was J Jury |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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L lost my car keys, mind, mojo etc... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Mum has my tea ready |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No number 37 in the street you told me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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O: oh shit I have a zit |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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[Removed by poster at 11/02/17 11:45:59] |
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P: Police won't release me until I tell them the location of my last victim. |
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By *oddyWoman
over a year ago
between havant and chichester |
piles came back |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Quite a strange thing happened, aliens have abducted me, they allowed me one call so I used it to let you know.. sorry |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Queen has requested my company |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Bottled it. Sorry. (truths always best) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Really really really really wanted to meet.. but I had something better to do |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Lost my dick! Had it in my pants lastnight b4 bed, but just can't find it now |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sex.....I've decided I no longer like it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Lost my dick! Had it in my pants lastnight b4 bed, but just can't find it now "
It's supposed to be in alphabetic order |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Stuck on the hard shoulder.
Got a puncture
AA said at least a 2 hour wait.
Hope we can re arrange and please for give lol lol lol lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Tbh...I just dont fancy you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Unbeknownst to me, my wife made plans for us tonight.. |
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The dog got d*unk on wine gums.
The Mrs burnt her arse on the sunbed (I have actually had that one) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The dog got d*unk on wine gums.
The Mrs burnt her arse on the sunbed (I have actually had that one)"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Xylophone practice! I forgot - we've got a clash, can we rearrange? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Neighbours are fucking in the road, police have blocked off the road |
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Very sorry .. the dog ate my cock |
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Wet snow is falling fast - I dare not risk it! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Xylophone injury, hit my cock with the hammer and it's too flat to fuck.
M |
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Zeppelin album was so good I lost track of time! !  |
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Ooops..
Yodelling class overan...  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Zeppelin album was so good I lost track of time! ! "
That happens.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I cut my cock while shaving
From the female I was supposed to be meeting |
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"Ooops..
Yodelling class overan... "
Oi! I'm doing Y now seeing as you forgot
Yul Brynner popped round. I was so shocked, seeing as he's been dead for over 30 years that I just lost track of time. |
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"Zeppelin album was so good I lost track of time! !
That happens. "
It does lol! |
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"Ooops..
Yodelling class overan... "
Round again.
A: Alphabet class overan |
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This thread has made me laugh.....brilliant |
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A - absailing accident - in A&E |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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B: Best friend got arrested in a stolen car with three transvestites and a monkey so had to go and bail them out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Cunilingous lesson doesn't finish til 10 so can't make it |
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C: Car got stolen by some guy, 3 TVs and a monkey, so I couldn't travel |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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C- cats stuck up a tree.
So got a load of firemen here.
I maybe a while |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Dead f**ckin horny for you but I need to clip my toe nails |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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D: didn't realise until now that I'm actually a box of strawberries trapped in a man's body so I can't meet because I've got to throw myself into a bowl with style meringue and whipped cream. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"D: didn't realise until now that I'm actually a box of strawberries trapped in a man's body so I can't meet because I've got to throw myself into a bowl with style meringue and whipped cream."
Now I'm hungry! |
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Donald Trump has put a ban on me entering your cuntry. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"D: didn't realise until now that I'm actually a box of strawberries trapped in a man's body so I can't meet because I've got to throw myself into a bowl with style meringue and whipped cream."
Eaton mess - got distracted eating it after reading that post and lost track of time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Donald Trump has put a ban on me entering your cuntry."
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F: Forum too busy for me to actually go on a meet |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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G: Grear Scott! I've just realised what a horrible person I am and am leaving on a religious retreat straight away in an effort to improve my soul and save you from the ordeal of having me naked, sweating and swearing ontop of you. Sorry. |
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H. Hairy day prevents me from waxing |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Jungle fever: I trekked the amazon last week and have come back with some rabid disease. I'll be fighting for next week - faf then? |
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"Fufu caught Fire "
We like that X
As it was so hot in anticipation lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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K: Keith Richards and the Rolling broke in, raided my wife's wardrobe then stole my monkey and my neighbours car, so Ive been giving a statement to the police for the last 4 hrs and now I have sticky fingers. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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L - liposuction scars are weeping |
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Nut allergy. I've just realised you're fuckin' nuts! |
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Orks have laid seige to the citadel - can't lower the drawbridge to get out  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Pussy is still sore from last nights 20 man gang bang |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Quiet in the library.....I'm reading war and peace. xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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R: Robin Hood came by and we've been gang banging Friar Tuck all day. I think I broke my cock in him. |
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Stephen K Amos promised to finally say something funny if I called off our meet. I just couldn't let such an opportunity pass. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Loaned my cock to my cousin, won't have it back till Thursday |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Elephants blocking the road, can't make it, soz"
I think the 'soz' really sells it here |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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T: Transvestite rock stars on a joy ride threw a monkey at me and I've got mashed banana in my hair. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Utterly engrossed in a documentary on Sumatran organutans. Planning on adopting one actually. This took priority over meeting you. Soz |
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W. Wanked myself all day and no jizz left |
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X. Dropped my xylophone on my bollocks and can't perform to the required standard! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Xander got there first... |
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Vaginaphobia. Sorry it's just come on all of a sudden. I had to cancel my meet with Piers Morgan yesterday for the very same reason. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"X. Dropped my xylophone on my bollocks and can't perform to the required standard!"
Yours is a better 'X' excuse |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Y: You'll never believe what heppened... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yanks are coming. Quick I've gotta hid. xxx |
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Y Your wife wants to leave you and run away with me ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Y Your wife wants to leave you and run away with me !"
You're on a roll! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Zebras have eaten my brain so can't go out. xxx |
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Z zinger strips from KFC have burnt my tongue and I can't lick u out as I should !! |
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A Alphabet soup was the only food option in the hostel doss house but I've struggled getting the letters eaten in sequence but I can have visitors until we're de-loused after I eat Z. Probs best tomoz |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My balls have dropped and I can't find a wheel barrow to put them in |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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B breast..My breast implants have exploded x
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C. Your crabs look a bit too aggressive and rabid for my liking. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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J- just leaving.what's the address again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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K: Killer clowns chased me and now I'm scared to come outside! |
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F I'm feeling funny - so funny I don't know what I'm feeling. I'd not want to laugh at you as you get undressed or tell me you've finished. But feel free to arrange |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Gunna have to pass my test results are back I've got genital herpes xxx |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
•+• Access Denied •+• |
herpes
PTU gave me them
caught up to L now |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Z zinger strips from KFC have burnt my tongue and I can't lick u out as I should !!"
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[Removed by poster at 11/02/17 17:32:35] |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Granny's pet gerbil escaped and I had to help her look for it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've got a toilet brush stuck up my bum, I need to go to urgent care ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just joking I haven't got herpes. Eirenikos where have you been? xxx |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
