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By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
I have a question. 
If someone asks you to be a bridesmaid... and you really would rather poke yourself in the eye with a knitting needle... do you smile gratiously and thank your friend for asking and say you'd be delighted or do you actually just say no?
If you're the bride... would you really be offended if your friend turned you down?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Mmmmm at first I was gunna say not at my age. But then I thought well why not? I suppose it would depend on how close I was to the bride and if she had other girls to choose from. Why have you been asked? Xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It would entirely depend on how close I was to the person. If it were a really close friend then I would do what they asked (I flew back to NYC just for a friend's wedding last year). But if I'm not as close to the friend then I wouldn't have an issue politely declining.
As a bride I didn't have bridesmaids. I didn't want all the faffing about. I only had 12 guests and 4 of them were my closest friends. If they weren't able to make my wedding I wouldn't have been upset with them but I would have been disappointed. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd rather they said no.
I'd hate someone to do something that they really didn't want to do.
I'd rather they just came to my wedding and enjoyed themselves as a guest than came as my bridesmaid and hated it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It would entirely depend on how close I was to the person. If it were a really close friend then I would do what they asked (I flew back to NYC just for a friend's wedding last year). But if I'm not as close to the friend then I wouldn't have an issue politely declining.
As a bride I didn't have bridesmaids. I didn't want all the faffing about. I only had 12 guests and 4 of them were my closest friends. If they weren't able to make my wedding I wouldn't have been upset with them but I would have been disappointed."
Every son knows that being disappointed is worse! It's worse!!! |
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You say "Someone" rather than "a friend" which implies you are not very close to them and they may be asking you out of some sort of duty.
If this is the case then probably turning them down will be a relief to you both.
If it really is a friend then I'd think you'd need a good reason to turn them down, but then having done so they will probably understand your reasons being a friend. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have a question.
If someone asks you to be a bridesmaid... and you really would rather poke yourself in the eye with a knitting needle... do you smile gratiously and thank your friend for asking and say you'd be delighted or do you actually just say no?
If you're the bride... would you really be offended if your friend turned you down? "
I think I could pull off a frilly number |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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After all the fuss of 2015 when I was a bridesmaid for my friend I would never be a bridesmaid again! She was the ultimate bridezilla. "I want you all to look the same" that sentence is eternally etched into my memory. There were 4 of us adult bridesmaids and we all had to have the same cut and colour dress that was unflattering on all of us, same shoes, same hairstyle, same make up. One of us was black with afro hair, 3 of is were olive skinned with thick dark hair, one of us very pale and very blonde, all had to have the same shit hairstyle and make up same shade lipstick and everything. We looked shit, I hated that day. If anyone asked me to be bridesmaid again I'd tell them to go fuck themselves and my friends close enough to me to even ask me to be a bridesmaid would expect nothing less than that answer. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I said no when my sister asked me..
but tbf it was her second marriage and I had stepped up the first time..
I don't think she was too bothered about it and I kept in her good books by standing up and doing a reading in the church |
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By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
So I said no when she asked me way back when she got engaged. 
She's a good friend... I said 'someone' cause I didn't want to influence the replies. 
I've come to the conclusion that saying yes is the right thing to do. I've bought the dress (and fabulous shoes) but I've not told her yet... I thought I'd just visit her and turn up in the frock.
The reason I ask is that the girls at my work are horrified that I even contemplated saying no in the first place.
I just wondered if I'm a heartless moron. |
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My twin sister has married twice. The first time they had 2 bridesmaids, both children, the second they chose not to have any. On both occasions I have be delighted to be one of their witnesses.
Our older sister is getting married later this year and wants a huge wedding. She wants me and my twin both to be bridesmaids along with their teenage daughter, niece and a couple of friends. I'm really not keen on the idea and would rather just be a weddih guest. I don't want to upset them though - their 19 year old son had already refused to be best man  |
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By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
"You bought the dress? Isn't that the brides job?
I wouldn't have a problem saying no to someone and I wouldn't be offended if someone said no to me."
Yes... she's bought the rest of the bridesmaids dresses but as I already said no, I bought the dress and thought I'd try it on before I seal my fate. If it looks shite at least I've not committed myself. I'm way out of my comfort zone but it's obviously really important to her so I'm trying to be a good friend and suck it up.
I'm so far from bridesmaid material it's just not funny. I have never had any desire for a wedding of my own, never mind being part of someone else's.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd say no. If she was offended then she's clearly not a friend. Why do all you people do things that you don't want to? You must have some shit friends.  |
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By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
"I'd say no. If she was offended then she's clearly not a friend. Why do all you people do things that you don't want to? You must have some shit friends. "
She wasn't offended. She's not forcing me into anything. I'm not entirely comfortable but I don't want to be one of those shit friends you mention.
It's clearly important to her and as I have zero understanding of why you'd spend a shitload of money on one day when you could fuck off on a massive holiday and buy a new car for the same sort of dosh and not risk offending anyone... I thought I'd throw it out there to you lot for opinions etc. I've already made my choice... I'm not complaining... I'm just curious about the etiquette. It's all good. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd say no. If she was offended then she's clearly not a friend. Why do all you people do things that you don't want to? You must have some shit friends.
She wasn't offended. She's not forcing me into anything. I'm not entirely comfortable but I don't want to be one of those shit friends you mention.
It's clearly important to her and as I have zero understanding of why you'd spend a shitload of money on one day when you could fuck off on a massive holiday and buy a new car for the same sort of dosh and not risk offending anyone... I thought I'd throw it out there to you lot for opinions etc. I've already made my choice... I'm not complaining... I'm just curious about the etiquette. It's all good. "
Sorry I didn't mean you were complaining. x
I'm just the same. Why spend shitloads of money and make people do something they don't want to. That's not friendship.
I should add.. I have no friends.... guess why... |
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By *ohohoWoman
over a year ago
Up North |
"After all the fuss of 2015 when I was a bridesmaid for my friend I would never be a bridesmaid again! She was the ultimate bridezilla. "I want you all to look the same" that sentence is eternally etched into my memory. There were 4 of us adult bridesmaids and we all had to have the same cut and colour dress that was unflattering on all of us, same shoes, same hairstyle, same make up. One of us was black with afro hair, 3 of is were olive skinned with thick dark hair, one of us very pale and very blonde, all had to have the same shit hairstyle and make up same shade lipstick and everything. We looked shit, I hated that day. If anyone asked me to be bridesmaid again I'd tell them to go fuck themselves and my friends close enough to me to even ask me to be a bridesmaid would expect nothing less than that answer. "
That sounds horrendous. |
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By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
"I'd say no. If she was offended then she's clearly not a friend. Why do all you people do things that you don't want to? You must have some shit friends.
She wasn't offended. She's not forcing me into anything. I'm not entirely comfortable but I don't want to be one of those shit friends you mention.
It's clearly important to her and as I have zero understanding of why you'd spend a shitload of money on one day when you could fuck off on a massive holiday and buy a new car for the same sort of dosh and not risk offending anyone... I thought I'd throw it out there to you lot for opinions etc. I've already made my choice... I'm not complaining... I'm just curious about the etiquette. It's all good.
Sorry I didn't mean you were complaining. x
I'm just the same. Why spend shitloads of money and make people do something they don't want to. That's not friendship.
I should add.. I have no friends.... guess why... "
I've never had the urge to get married so I really never understand the bridezilla stuff. I'm sure my friend will be over the moon when I try on the dress and pop out to surprise her. That I'll make her happy will make me happy - hopefully happy enough to get over the being uncomfortable part. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was one about year and a half ago.. I wish I had said no because she only asked me to be hers because she was mine ( i know there was no other reason) I now don't talk to her and have seen her once since she got married.. there's no reason we fell out just happened and I new it was going that way well befor the wedding |
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By *ohohoWoman
over a year ago
Up North |
"I have a question.
If someone asks you to be a bridesmaid... and you really would rather poke yourself in the eye with a knitting needle... do you smile gratiously and thank your friend for asking and say you'd be delighted or do you actually just say no?
If you're the bride... would you really be offended if your friend turned you down? "
I said yes to my brothers girlfriends although I don't think they should get married. I felt obliged. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Say no..if it's a matter of Principle?....
Reading between the lines, you don't like the groom ..I'm assuming?...
Well if you have a legit reason to not like the groom, I'm just saying, you better voice that concern before she marries him.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Age 23, I was a bridesmaid in a peach satin shepherdess number (in November) and ringlets. I really should have said no.
OP, could you offer to do something instead, like a reading at the service, or to give a toast at the reception? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have a question.
If someone asks you to be a bridesmaid... and you really would rather poke yourself in the eye with a knitting needle... do you smile gratiously and thank your friend for asking and say you'd be delighted or do you actually just say no?
If you're the bride... would you really be offended if your friend turned you down? "
You have to grit your teeth and do it. Don't forget the perks of being a bridesmaid are first dibbs on the best man XXX |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd say no. If she was offended then she's clearly not a friend. Why do all you people do things that you don't want to? You must have some shit friends.
She wasn't offended. She's not forcing me into anything. I'm not entirely comfortable but I don't want to be one of those shit friends you mention.
It's clearly important to her and as I have zero understanding of why you'd spend a shitload of money on one day when you could fuck off on a massive holiday and buy a new car for the same sort of dosh and not risk offending anyone... I thought I'd throw it out there to you lot for opinions etc. I've already made my choice... I'm not complaining... I'm just curious about the etiquette. It's all good.
Sorry I didn't mean you were complaining. x
I'm just the same. Why spend shitloads of money and make people do something they don't want to. That's not friendship.
I should add.. I have no friends.... guess why...
I've never had the urge to get married so I really never understand the bridezilla stuff. I'm sure my friend will be over the moon when I try on the dress and pop out to surprise her. That I'll make her happy will make me happy - hopefully happy enough to get over the being uncomfortable part. "
I always think the more fuss they make over one day, it's a smoke screen to disguise their shit relationship. A big fake show. If they really loved each other they'd only need a 'wedding official' and a couple of witnesses and their love. 
You're a good friend OP. 
When I said "shit friend" earlier I meant the woman getting married and forcing her female friends to be bridesmaids against their wishes. Not that you are a shit friend for saying no. |
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By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
"It's your friend - you know them best. Would they be upset if you said no?
That's the kind of reply DirtyGirl would give if she was here...  "
Yup... and that's the conclusion I came to at the weekend. The dress arrived today... I made my decision... I was just curious about the question really after the girls at work were aghast that I said no.
And no... it's zero to do with not liking the groom... he's a lovely chap and makes my friend very happy. Her being happy on her special day is what's important for me. I don't need people to read between any lines, I'm entirely comfortable telling it how it is.
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If I really would not want to do it, I would be honest to my friend. I'd like her to explain why I'd been picked though - just in case she had something incredible to say that I'd not imagined. I'd probably be flexible enough to be open to it but based on the premise that I would not and I'd not want to, I'd let her down sensitively. |
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By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
"If I really would not want to do it, I would be honest to my friend. I'd like her to explain why I'd been picked though - just in case she had something incredible to say that I'd not imagined. I'd probably be flexible enough to be open to it but based on the premise that I would not and I'd not want to, I'd let her down sensitively. "
You wouldn't laugh uncontrollably like someone had just made a hilarious joke and say 'are you fucking kidding me?!' then?
Navy Voddy... its the only reason I'm even vaguely considering it. |
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