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I'm an international smuggler
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"Imagine being in a cell and they go "What you in for?" And your reply being porn magazines "Why are you in? I'm a wanker! | |||
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"Once stopped for over an hr. For bringing in two frozen haggis. I even got a letter in the post explaining if I was ever did it again I could face jail. "For haggis? | |||
"That's a good story! "Best bit is, I accidentally smuggled a joint of through a flight a couple of years ago.. Totally forgot I had it on me! Nothing happened! | |||
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"Once stopped for over an hr. For bringing in two frozen haggis. I even got a letter in the post explaining if I was ever did it again I could face jail.
For haggis? "it's illegal to bring them from Scotland to Northern Ireland  | |||
"Back when I was 18 (2008) I came very close to being arrested for smuggling illegal material across international boundaries. My parents lived in South America, I was with them, flunked out of university and joined the military, hoping to make them proud of me again. To get back to the UK for my interview I had to first make my way across a huge Spanish speaking only country. I didn't speak any Spanish and had to catch a flight from our city to the capital. Boarding the plane, on the tarmac I was pulled aside because a German Shepard went mental as I passed. I was thoroughly searched by military grade airport security. I explained I had a huge dog at home (in my broken spanglish and I stunk of him, the dog wasn't a drug sniffer and I was happily allowed on my way. After a brief search. Whilst in transfer lounge of the capitals International Airport I was asked if I would consent to a full body search, or would have been if u understood, instead I followed a security guard and was asked to take all my clothes off! The ten hour flight gave me time to contemplate the chances of that happening. I'd been flying years before this and NEVER encountered this behavior before, although bribing our way out of Africa (aged 15) came close. Still none the wiser as to why when I stepped on the first horizontal escalator at my second transfer in Amsterdam. I felt someone looking over my shoulder as I searched for my passport for immigration. As I pulled it out, I looked around at the person. A plain clothes police officer who immediately realised he'd been clocked, made himself known to me and asked to see my passport. He then asked me where I'd been, why I was there, why I'm coming back, who my father was, what company and a lot of my previous travel and living arrangements history (as we traveled slowly along the escalator). Finally satisfied he apologised for stopping me and fast checked me through to the departure lounge. I asked him why I had been stopped and told him about my two previous encounters along the chain. He explained the route I had taken was a popular drug mule route into Europe and backpackers often fall victim to it. Ahhh I was dressed like a skater, had a big rucksack and was young, case closed. I had three hours to kill, but in Holland there is a sex shop in the airport! Get in! But all the stuff in it was very expensive and I was far too scared to buy. So I settled for two small naughty magazines from the top shelf of the newsagents and stuffed it in my smaller hand luggage rucksack. My last destination, the UK. As I entered the queue for immigration I looked up and saw the security camera looking right at me. Which wasn't surprising in retrospect.. I was fucked 30hrs of international travel, a red eyed, messy haired, scruffy skater fresh out of Amsterdam. As I waited in line I spotted the usual airport security signs.. No guns, no explosives, no gas, no this, no that, no hardcore porn.. No hardcore porn!? Say Whaaaaaaat!? I've got hardcore porn on me! In my little bag! The top shelf magazines in Holland aren't your average Razzle. It's why I wanted them, but I didn't know it was illegal! I waited one hour for my big rucksack. One hour after everyone else. I finally got through to the sliding doors into the departure terminal, free of searches, nude or otherwise and into the arms of my Aunty.. With two I'll gained hardcore porn mags.. When I was asked if someone could look in my bags. A pretty woman in an airport security outfit then began to search through my rucksack whilst asking all the same questions I'd been asked in Holland. I explained, then explained I'd already gone through this in South America and Holland, that I'm just a uni flunk out joining the army. Turns out she flunked out of same uni and even got along. Then some huge, bald meat head turned up and asked if she wanted him to help.. She ummed and erred, then consented to letting him look through my smaller bag. Fuck no! As he unzipped the top, I looked over to my Aunty and Uncle as the automatic doors opened. A winter sun holiday flight full of oldies hobbled past. One woman almost lost her balance as she stared at me in disgust as the meat head slapped the two pieces of contraband onto the counter. I looked on as the two security guards peeled back the plastic wrapping and browsed each magazine.. By the time they finished another flight of sunburnt raisins began to offload and meat head hit me with another loud slap! The magazine hit the countertop again, only this time it had opened on a fold out Centre page of a massively hung, beautiful T girl! There were ghasts from the passing crowd. "That sort of thing interest you does it?" Dig! OK that's it, you've caught me, you've humiliated me, I didn't even realise I was committing a crime, I'm 18, porn mag.. Fair enough, I'll give you that.. Plus I can't think of anything to say.. I didn't even know it had T girls in it. I was as shocked as them!I also didn't know about the fact one third of the magazine was contacts, (which led me to my first fab like encounters). I just stood speechless, but a smirk was started form on my face. Even I could see the funny side now. Next question.. From her.. "Are these for personal use? Or do you intend to sell them on?" BOOM! FUCK YOU! Now you're subtly trying to make me look and feel like a piece of shit. I thought for a second.. Took a breath, looked her right in the eyes, smiled and confidently replied.. "They're for personal use I AM A WANKER!!" And they let me keep my magazines, muttering something under the breath about me needing them.. As I bounced out the airport to my bewildered and bored aunty and uncle. Who also didn't see the funny side of my brief attempt at international porn smuggling. " Gosh I know someone on fab who is likely your long lost brother! That's some tale  | |||
"Many years ago when young and naïve, I flew into Florida with an orange. There the followed a scene which was similar in many respects to the one in Monsters inc when they discover the sock. Men in haz suits descended on me and my offensive orange and with over sized tongs removed it from my hand, put it in a bag, sealed it up (bag had hazardous waste, written on the outside) and took it away for incineration. For a busy airport, I did have quite a lot of space around me!" Monsters Inc scene  | |||
"Back when I was 18 (2008) I came very close to being arrested for smuggling illegal material across international boundaries. My parents lived in South America, I was with them, flunked out of university and joined the military, hoping to make them proud of me again. To get back to the UK for my interview I had to first make my way across a huge Spanish speaking only country. I didn't speak any Spanish and had to catch a flight from our city to the capital. Boarding the plane, on the tarmac I was pulled aside because a German Shepard went mental as I passed. I was thoroughly searched by military grade airport security. I explained I had a huge dog at home (in my broken spanglish and I stunk of him, the dog wasn't a drug sniffer and I was happily allowed on my way. After a brief search. Whilst in transfer lounge of the capitals International Airport I was asked if I would consent to a full body search, or would have been if u understood, instead I followed a security guard and was asked to take all my clothes off! The ten hour flight gave me time to contemplate the chances of that happening. I'd been flying years before this and NEVER encountered this behavior before, although bribing our way out of Africa (aged 15) came close. Still none the wiser as to why when I stepped on the first horizontal escalator at my second transfer in Amsterdam. I felt someone looking over my shoulder as I searched for my passport for immigration. As I pulled it out, I looked around at the person. A plain clothes police officer who immediately realised he'd been clocked, made himself known to me and asked to see my passport. He then asked me where I'd been, why I was there, why I'm coming back, who my father was, what company and a lot of my previous travel and living arrangements history (as we traveled slowly along the escalator). Finally satisfied he apologised for stopping me and fast checked me through to the departure lounge. I asked him why I had been stopped and told him about my two previous encounters along the chain. He explained the route I had taken was a popular drug mule route into Europe and backpackers often fall victim to it. Ahhh I was dressed like a skater, had a big rucksack and was young, case closed. I had three hours to kill, but in Holland there is a sex shop in the airport! Get in! But all the stuff in it was very expensive and I was far too scared to buy. So I settled for two small naughty magazines from the top shelf of the newsagents and stuffed it in my smaller hand luggage rucksack. My last destination, the UK. As I entered the queue for immigration I looked up and saw the security camera looking right at me. Which wasn't surprising in retrospect.. I was fucked 30hrs of international travel, a red eyed, messy haired, scruffy skater fresh out of Amsterdam. As I waited in line I spotted the usual airport security signs.. No guns, no explosives, no gas, no this, no that, no hardcore porn.. No hardcore porn!? Say Whaaaaaaat!? I've got hardcore porn on me! In my little bag! The top shelf magazines in Holland aren't your average Razzle. It's why I wanted them, but I didn't know it was illegal! I waited one hour for my big rucksack. One hour after everyone else. I finally got through to the sliding doors into the departure terminal, free of searches, nude or otherwise and into the arms of my Aunty.. With two I'll gained hardcore porn mags.. When I was asked if someone could look in my bags. A pretty woman in an airport security outfit then began to search through my rucksack whilst asking all the same questions I'd been asked in Holland. I explained, then explained I'd already gone through this in South America and Holland, that I'm just a uni flunk out joining the army. Turns out she flunked out of same uni and even got along. Then some huge, bald meat head turned up and asked if she wanted him to help.. She ummed and erred, then consented to letting him look through my smaller bag. Fuck no! As he unzipped the top, I looked over to my Aunty and Uncle as the automatic doors opened. A winter sun holiday flight full of oldies hobbled past. One woman almost lost her balance as she stared at me in disgust as the meat head slapped the two pieces of contraband onto the counter. I looked on as the two security guards peeled back the plastic wrapping and browsed each magazine.. By the time they finished another flight of sunburnt raisins began to offload and meat head hit me with another loud slap! The magazine hit the countertop again, only this time it had opened on a fold out Centre page of a massively hung, beautiful T girl! There were ghasts from the passing crowd. "That sort of thing interest you does it?" Dig! OK that's it, you've caught me, you've humiliated me, I didn't even realise I was committing a crime, I'm 18, porn mag.. Fair enough, I'll give you that.. Plus I can't think of anything to say.. I didn't even know it had T girls in it. I was as shocked as them!I also didn't know about the fact one third of the magazine was contacts, (which led me to my first fab like encounters). I just stood speechless, but a smirk was started form on my face. Even I could see the funny side now. Next question.. From her.. "Are these for personal use? Or do you intend to sell them on?" BOOM! FUCK YOU! Now you're subtly trying to make me look and feel like a piece of shit. I thought for a second.. Took a breath, looked her right in the eyes, smiled and confidently replied.. "They're for personal use I AM A WANKER!!" And they let me keep my magazines, muttering something under the breath about me needing them.. As I bounced out the airport to my bewildered and bored aunty and uncle. Who also didn't see the funny side of my brief attempt at international porn smuggling. Gosh I know someone on fab who is likely your long lost brother! That's some tale "My dad used to work out of Scotland and I'm 1/4 Scottish so maybe. True tale. | |||
"Once stopped for over an hr. For bringing in two frozen haggis. I even got a letter in the post explaining if I was ever did it again I could face jail.
For haggis? it's illegal to bring them from Scotland to Northern Ireland "Is it a Catholic/Protestant thing? Yer Haggis are numbered, we know Yer name | |||
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"Is OP George RR Martin in disguise? " Long winded, unfinished, dramatic and over the top.. Or a story telling genius? I don't answer... | |||
"Once stopped for over an hr. For bringing in two frozen haggis. I even got a letter in the post explaining if I was ever did it again I could face jail.
For haggis? it's illegal to bring them from Scotland to Northern Ireland
Is it a Catholic/Protestant thing? Yer Haggis are numbered, we know Yer name"No it's a law thing | |||
"I'm not reading all that. Can someone summise for me. " Some middle class dropout was showing off that he'd flew through several hot countries bought two grot mags and some bird and bloke at security held em up to embarras him. Oh and he's a wanker (his words not mine, admin) | |||
"I'm not reading all that. Can someone summise for me. Some middle class dropout was showing off that he'd flew through several hot countries bought two grot mags and some bird and bloke at security held em up to embarras him. Oh and he's a wanker (his words not mine, admin) " One hot country! The rest was right. | |||
"Once stopped for over an hr. For bringing in two frozen haggis. I even got a letter in the post explaining if I was ever did it again I could face jail.
For haggis? it's illegal to bring them from Scotland to Northern Ireland "So it should be, have you ever tasted one? | |||
