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How long goes it take
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To really get to know someone?
Inspired by a few things today,do you feel like you really know anyone on here? Enough to be able to say what you like to them, to defend them should they need it or even make comments on their behaviour, or the pattern of behaviour which you have seen others portray in order to gain the attention of someone you think you know.
having sex with someone doesn't mean you know them, does it? So why do some people feel that it does?
A bit ranty but....meh
Discuss.
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
I only know what the other person wants me to know about them and the assumptions I make based on their behaviour and what they say. I defend what I believe I know of them.
Isn't that the same for everyone? You can know someone your whole life and still not know them. I am sure that there are some who would be utterly shocked to learn that I am on here.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm not sure you can really get to know anyone fully. As for people on here making comments as if they do, it has happened a few times with me, sometimes the feedback is useful, often it simply tells you more about that individual than yourself. |
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"I only know what the other person wants me to know about them and the assumptions I make based on their behaviour and what they say. I defend what I believe I know of them.
Isn't that the same for everyone? You can know someone your whole life and still not know them. I am sure that there are some who would be utterly shocked to learn that I am on here.
"
Other peoples behaviour patterns are a wonderful thing.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It can take years to get to know someone properly.....n even then it depends on how open they are n what aspects of themselves they're happy to let you know of.
Knowing someone in the biblical sense doesn't really count for much I think. |
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"I'm not sure you can really get to know anyone fully. As for people on here making comments as if they do, it has happened a few times with me, sometimes the feedback is useful, often it simply tells you more about that individual than yourself."
I don't think so either, I like to keep little things just for me therefore people will never know me fully. I just find it interesting how some people feel entitled enough to pass comment on someone they don't actually know. |
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I'll be 55 in a few weeks and still don't fully know maself yet, so as for knowing others on a swingers site, you've got absolutely no chance 
You can get an idea about people from what they post, but as for knowing them, I don't think so  |
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By *workoutMan
over a year ago
Cradley Heath |
I have friends on here but truthfully I don't know them and they don't know me.
My wife left me after 8 years together and her behaviour regarding during the situation and in the time afterwards shows me that I never truly knew her, my own wife!
If 8 years and a marriage isn't enough time to truly know someone then there's no chance of getting to truly know someone from a few meets.
I prefer it that way too, on a meet I like to think people see the best version of me that exists right now, banter, laughter, sex and lots of kisses, cuddles and intimacy. I don't have to worry about knowing their flaws or them knowing mine. |
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"It can take years to get to know someone properly.....n even then it depends on how open they are n what aspects of themselves they're happy to let you know of.
Knowing someone in the biblical sense doesn't really count for much I think."
I know Santa, but I don't Know know him  |
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"I only know what the other person wants me to know about them and the assumptions I make based on their behaviour and what they say. I defend what I believe I know of them.
Isn't that the same for everyone? You can know someone your whole life and still not know them. I am sure that there are some who would be utterly shocked to learn that I am on here.
"
As always wise words and you're right  |
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"I have friends on here but truthfully I don't know them and they don't know me.
My wife left me after 8 years together and her behaviour regarding during the situation and in the time afterwards shows me that I never truly knew her, my own wife!
If 8 years and a marriage isn't enough time to truly know someone then there's no chance of getting to truly know someone from a few meets.
I prefer it that way too, on a meet I like to think people see the best version of me that exists right now, banter, laughter, sex and lots of kisses, cuddles and intimacy. I don't have to worry about knowing their flaws or them knowing mine."
Absolutely. I want to keep my flaws to myself thankyou |
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"Yes I do, enough to have a big row and move on too
I have a couple I talk to, they don't know everything about me, no one does. But I feel like I would be sad to stop talking to them. "
No one knows everything about me, but I think of knowing someone as the sense you have of them, not so much lots of personal details. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A few days to a week of chating on here, followed by a social then see if there's compatability. Then see where it goes from there. Time frames can be adjustable |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm not sure you can really get to know anyone fully. As for people on here making comments as if they do, it has happened a few times with me, sometimes the feedback is useful, often it simply tells you more about that individual than yourself.
I don't think so either, I like to keep little things just for me therefore people will never know me fully. I just find it interesting how some people feel entitled enough to pass comment on someone they don't actually know. "
Busy bodies are are busy with no business of theirs and do gooders do no good 
Generally they're just projecting their own stuff. That's why I say it tells me more about them than myself. If I want someone to comment on some aspect of my life I'll ask them. Unsolicited feedback is never called for |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I only know what the other person wants me to know about them and the assumptions I make based on their behaviour and what they say. I defend what I believe I know of them.
Isn't that the same for everyone? You can know someone your whole life and still not know them. I am sure that there are some who would be utterly shocked to learn that I am on here.
"
Pretty much this |
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By *workoutMan
over a year ago
Cradley Heath |
"The only person you'll ever know well is yourself. "
I thought I knew who I was, now I'm not so sure. Turns out I'm more sexually adventurous than I ever knew though
I think you're always learning new things about yourself and learning who you are as long as you don't allow yourself to stagnate and settle for a mediocre existence |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The only person you'll ever know well is yourself.
Oh fuck, I've failed at my own serious grown up thread then.
I don't know my arse from my elbow most days. "
So that your elbow in your avatar then? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"or even make comments on their behaviour, or the pattern of behaviour which you have seen others portray in order to gain the attention of someone you think you know.
"
I think to comment on someones behaviour would be a step too far.
I don't even do that with family.
The only person I'd take that off of is my Mum and Dad.
And even then, they don't even do it unless I've really gone too far. And I usually know it aswell. |
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By *workoutMan
over a year ago
Cradley Heath |
"The only person you'll ever know well is yourself.
Oh fuck, I've failed at my own serious grown up thread then.
I don't know my arse from my elbow most days.
So that your elbow in your avatar then?"
if it is its the first time I've ever wanted to bite someone's elbow |
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"The only person you'll ever know well is yourself.
Oh fuck, I've failed at my own serious grown up thread then.
I don't know my arse from my elbow most days.
So that your elbow in your avatar then?"
I can't lick it therefore it must be.
Would you mind doing it for me? |
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By *anky_PankyWoman
over a year ago
Filthy Fuckeryville |
I don't think you ever really get to know someone until you are living with them day and night.
You can know them well, and that takes time, lots of conversation and possibly life events, but otherwise.....? |
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"or even make comments on their behaviour, or the pattern of behaviour which you have seen others portray in order to gain the attention of someone you think you know.
I think to comment on someones behaviour would be a step too far.
I don't even do that with family.
The only person I'd take that off of is my Mum and Dad.
And even then, they don't even do it unless I've really gone too far. And I usually know it aswell."
Generally, I know when I'm being a twat...but I have a best girl who will tell me when I need to reign it in, whether I listen or not is another thing. But she is in the 'real world' I wouldn't take it from anyone here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Agree with other posts. You can't really accurately measure how well you know someone. People are constantly changing and developing, the perceived and the perceiver included. I'm sure everyone can look back and wonder how they could be so wrong about someone or didn't see this or that etc, but you can't allow yourself to get hung up on it (easier said than done I know)
I think it's important to just do what's supposed to be natural and live in the moment; assess all available information about the person, try and make rational conclusions and just do what you feel and/or know is right by them and everyone else in any given situation.
Kind of a non-answer there sorry, but It's interesting to discuss. |
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"I don't think you ever really get to know someone until you are living with them day and night.
You can know them well, and that takes time, lots of conversation and possibly life events, but otherwise.....? "
I still don't think that is long enough to know someone. |
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By *anky_PankyWoman
over a year ago
Filthy Fuckeryville |
"or even make comments on their behaviour, or the pattern of behaviour which you have seen others portray in order to gain the attention of someone you think you know.
I think to comment on someones behaviour would be a step too far.
I don't even do that with family.
The only person I'd take that off of is my Mum and Dad.
And even then, they don't even do it unless I've really gone too far. And I usually know it aswell.
Generally, I know when I'm being a twat...but I have a best girl who will tell me when I need to reign it in, whether I listen or not is another thing. But she is in the 'real world' I wouldn't take it from anyone here. "
So why the thread? Just tell whoever it is to go suck an egg and leave it be |
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"
I think it's important to just do what's supposed to be natural and live in the moment; assess all available information about the person, try and make rational conclusions and just do what you feel and/or know is right by them and everyone else in any given situation."
I like this and I agree |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I know people on here as well as I want to. I don't reveal all about my life and I don't expect them to reveal all about theirs. I wouldn't comment on someone's behaviour unless it impacted me personally and likewise I wouldn't take kindly to someone commenting on mine unless it impacted them personally. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The only person you'll ever know well is yourself.
Oh fuck, I've failed at my own serious grown up thread then.
I don't know my arse from my elbow most days.
So that your elbow in your avatar then?
I can't lick it therefore it must be.
Would you mind doing it for me? "
Unaccustomed as I am to licking elbows.... |
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By *anky_PankyWoman
over a year ago
Filthy Fuckeryville |
"I don't think you ever really get to know someone until you are living with them day and night.
You can know them well, and that takes time, lots of conversation and possibly life events, but otherwise.....?
I still don't think that is long enough to know someone. "
You just gotta use your own judgement on people I guess.
Nobody can judge you other than you - they can try, but only if you let them? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It takes a decent amount of time...as it would in any walk of life. Work colleagues, social friends in the big world etc.
I have made a number of such friends on here.
One I've been friends with for about five years now. She is no longer on the site. I've met her dad, I've provided a reference for her daughters college, she has named me as next of kin on two occasions (odd I know) and she has told me things from her past that even her ex husband of 15 years never knew.
Another current site member is aware that I also slept with her daughter. Is always around to make me a brew if I'm passing by during the day. In fact I called in for a brew today and said daughter was there too...we all had a good chat. I'm going to her engagement party next month. I've helped her with her work.
Another friend had a spot of financial trouble a few months back. I had no qualms in lending her £500 for a couple of months. All paid back I may add. We both know all sorts of things about each other's backgrounds/family etc. She, and the first mentioned friend are also now good friends with my sister. She will be attending second friends engagement party with me next month.
I could go on....
So yes.....it is very possible to really get to know people through fab. |
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"or even make comments on their behaviour, or the pattern of behaviour which you have seen others portray in order to gain the attention of someone you think you know.
I think to comment on someones behaviour would be a step too far.
I don't even do that with family.
The only person I'd take that off of is my Mum and Dad.
And even then, they don't even do it unless I've really gone too far. And I usually know it aswell.
Generally, I know when I'm being a twat...but I have a best girl who will tell me when I need to reign it in, whether I listen or not is another thing. But she is in the 'real world' I wouldn't take it from anyone here.
So why the thread? Just tell whoever it is to go suck an egg and leave it be "
It's not like that, I think it's interesting to see other peoples views... |
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"I don't think you ever really get to know someone until you are living with them day and night.
You can know them well, and that takes time, lots of conversation and possibly life events, but otherwise.....?
I still don't think that is long enough to know someone.
You just gotta use your own judgement on people I guess.
Nobody can judge you other than you - they can try, but only if you let them?"
Is that the same though?
Where does judging or being judged come into knowing someone? |
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"It takes a decent amount of time...as it would in any walk of life. Work colleagues, social friends in the big world etc.
I have made a number of such friends on here.
One I've been friends with for about five years now. She is no longer on the site. I've met her dad, I've provided a reference for her daughters college, she has named me as next of kin on two occasions (odd I know) and she has told me things from her past that even her ex husband of 15 years never knew.
Another current site member is aware that I also slept with her daughter. Is always around to make me a brew if I'm passing by during the day. In fact I called in for a brew today and said daughter was there too...we all had a good chat. I'm going to her engagement party next month. I've helped her with her work.
Another friend had a spot of financial trouble a few months back. I had no qualms in lending her £500 for a couple of months. All paid back I may add. We both know all sorts of things about each other's backgrounds/family etc. She, and the first mentioned friend are also now good friends with my sister. She will be attending second friends engagement party with me next month.
I could go on....
So yes.....it is very possible to really get to know people through fab."
This makes me happy, I'm glad for you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Like others have said, you never really know people, even those who are seemingly quite close to you. The forums are difficult because it's easy to pass a quick judgement on someone, based upon their opinion.
Behaviour-wise, I think I'd probably make a comment, yeah. Sometimes people have certain behaviours, which are detrimental to others. Bullying behaviours for one. |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Agree with other posts. You can't really accurately measure how well you know someone. People are constantly changing and developing, the perceived and the perceiver included. I'm sure everyone can look back and wonder how they could be so wrong about someone or didn't see this or that etc, but you can't allow yourself to get hung up on it (easier said than done I know)
I think it's important to just do what's supposed to be natural and live in the moment; assess all available information about the person, try and make rational conclusions and just do what you feel and/or know is right by them and everyone else in any given situation.
Kind of a non-answer there sorry, but It's interesting to discuss."
It's not a non-answer at all.
How we view people, their actions and our interactions with them changes with how we are thinking and feeling. When you are flooded with all those natural chemicals in your system when you fancy someone, or even fall in love with them, you see the person very differently to how you see them when you have had that shag or fallen out of love with them. |
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By *anky_PankyWoman
over a year ago
Filthy Fuckeryville |
"I don't think you ever really get to know someone until you are living with them day and night.
You can know them well, and that takes time, lots of conversation and possibly life events, but otherwise.....?
I still don't think that is long enough to know someone.
You just gotta use your own judgement on people I guess.
Nobody can judge you other than you - they can try, but only if you let them?
Is that the same though?
Where does judging or being judged come into knowing someone?"
Because we all judge each others behaviour whether we admit it or not. As you said you've a friend who reigns you in - that's because she's judged your behaviour as requiring being reigned in....?
We judge everything all the time in our own minds. You read a thread on here and judge whether you want to reply to it or not. See a profile and judge whether they are of interest or not etc etc.
Knowing someone is a series of judgements. You predict their behaviour by seeing their previous behaviours which in your own mind you have judged.
Don't think I have EVER used the word judged so much!!!  |
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"I don't think you ever really get to know someone until you are living with them day and night.
You can know them well, and that takes time, lots of conversation and possibly life events, but otherwise.....?
I still don't think that is long enough to know someone.
You just gotta use your own judgement on people I guess.
Nobody can judge you other than you - they can try, but only if you let them?
Is that the same though?
Where does judging or being judged come into knowing someone?
Because we all judge each others behaviour whether we admit it or not. As you said you've a friend who reigns you in - that's because she's judged your behaviour as requiring being reigned in....?
We judge everything all the time in our own minds. You read a thread on here and judge whether you want to reply to it or not. See a profile and judge whether they are of interest or not etc etc.
Knowing someone is a series of judgements. You predict their behaviour by seeing their previous behaviours which in your own mind you have judged.
Don't think I have EVER used the word judged so much!!! "
But she knows me so she knows when to tell me to stop. (I have to do it to her too, but sometimes I just let her fly )
I know what I like so I know what I am looking for.
yes that was a lot |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The only person you'll ever know well is yourself.
Oh fuck, I've failed at my own serious grown up thread then.
I don't know my arse from my elbow most days.
So that your elbow in your avatar then?
I can't lick it therefore it must be.
Would you mind doing it for me?
Unaccustomed as I am to licking elbows....
C'mon now Doc, you know after a couple of us living together, I still have to threaten you with spanky bum time if you go anywhere my elbows  "
Yeah but your elbows don't look like that, more like left over scrotum skin |
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"The only person you'll ever know well is yourself.
Oh fuck, I've failed at my own serious grown up thread then.
I don't know my arse from my elbow most days.
So that your elbow in your avatar then?
I can't lick it therefore it must be.
Would you mind doing it for me?
Unaccustomed as I am to licking elbows....
C'mon now Doc, you know after a couple of us living together, I still have to threaten you with spanky bum time if you go anywhere my elbows
Yeah but your elbows don't look like that, more like left over scrotum skin "
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By *anky_PankyWoman
over a year ago
Filthy Fuckeryville |
" Because we all judge each others behaviour whether we admit it or not. As you said you've a friend who reigns you in - that's because she's judged your behaviour as requiring being reigned in....?
We judge everything all the time in our own minds. You read a thread on here and judge whether you want to reply to it or not. See a profile and judge whether they are of interest or not etc etc.
Knowing someone is a series of judgements. You predict their behaviour by seeing their previous behaviours which in your own mind you have judged.
Don't think I have EVER used the word judged so much!!!
But she knows me so she knows when to tell me to stop. (I have to do it to her too, but sometimes I just let her fly )
I know what I like so I know what I am looking for.
yes that was a lot "
But she knows you cause she did those other steps long time back.... see my point? 
More judges than Rinder n Judy! |
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"The only person you'll ever know well is yourself.
I thought I knew who I was, now I'm not so sure. Turns out I'm more sexually adventurous than I ever knew though
I think you're always learning new things about yourself and learning who you are as long as you don't allow yourself to stagnate and settle for a mediocre existence "
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By *ficouldMan
over a year ago
a quandary, could you change my mind? |
"How long does it take to really get to know someone? "
There is no hard and fast rule is there, it really does depend on how open and honest the person is about themselves.
You can still learn about people who aren't open and honest it just takes longer, but of course you also then have to add in assumptions based on what you see and know. |
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"Yeah but your elbows don't look like that, more like left over scrotum skin "
Ah shit, you spotted ma previous post before I posted it and then deleted it cos it didn't read correctly. I blame your cocktails  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not too sure what you're actually asking but I don't think it's possible as an adult to know everything there is to know about another person.
Sex can confuse the matter too, all sorts of feelings can creep in if left unchecked. Maybe it's those type of feelings that make people feel they can comment on things they normally wouldn't.
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"Not too sure what you're actually asking but I don't think it's possible as an adult to know everything there is to know about another person.
Sex can confuse the matter too, all sorts of feelings can creep in if left unchecked. Maybe it's those type of feelings that make people feel they can comment on things they normally wouldn't.
"
I'm just asking how long people think it takes to get to know someone. Or what makes them think they know someone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It can take years to get to know someone properly.....n even then it depends on how open they are n what aspects of themselves they're happy to let you know of.
Knowing someone in the biblical sense doesn't really count for much I think.
I know Santa, but I don't Know know him "
All I can say is you must be a terribly naughty young lady!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not too sure what you're actually asking but I don't think it's possible as an adult to know everything there is to know about another person.
Sex can confuse the matter too, all sorts of feelings can creep in if left unchecked. Maybe it's those type of feelings that make people feel they can comment on things they normally wouldn't.
I'm just asking how long people think it takes to get to know someone. Or what makes them think they know someone."
Well I think I've probably answered both of those in a roundabout way.
There are layers of knowing people, what you find out & what they're prepared to show. No time scale as some people are more engaging than others.
For me I know that having sex with regular friend can make me think I know them better than I actually do.
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"Not too sure what you're actually asking but I don't think it's possible as an adult to know everything there is to know about another person.
Sex can confuse the matter too, all sorts of feelings can creep in if left unchecked. Maybe it's those type of feelings that make people feel they can comment on things they normally wouldn't.
I'm just asking how long people think it takes to get to know someone. Or what makes them think they know someone.
Well I think I've probably answered both of those in a roundabout way.
There are layers of knowing people, what you find out & what they're prepared to show. No time scale as some people are more engaging than others.
For me I know that having sex with regular friend can make me think I know them better than I actually do.
"
Yes, yes you did. |
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By *arksMan
over a year ago
in the centre |
In essence you can know someone for a long, long time and not really know the real person , you give what you want and they will let you know as much about themselves as they care to reveal |
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"Agree with other posts. You can't really accurately measure how well you know someone. People are constantly changing and developing, the perceived and the perceiver included. I'm sure everyone can look back and wonder how they could be so wrong about someone or didn't see this or that etc, but you can't allow yourself to get hung up on it (easier said than done I know)
I think it's important to just do what's supposed to be natural and live in the moment; assess all available information about the person, try and make rational conclusions and just do what you feel and/or know is right by them and everyone else in any given situation.
Kind of a non-answer there sorry, but It's interesting to discuss."
I along with a few others obviously disagree with your non-answer comment. I think you've hit the nail on the head!
I take it a little bit further, in that I think it's important to acknowledge the only person you really know is yourself. I don't like to assume - it really does make an "ass" of "u" and "me". If someone I am playing with does something that impacts on me, I will tell them, what they do with that information is their call. What I do about their reaction is mine.
We all make judgements, I think putting a label on someone is fine, but labels are flexible, we can mislabel by accident, we can find the labels change, we can have two labels that completely contradict each other and are both appropriate. They are fluid and help us make sense of a very complicated world, but we have to appreciate how easy it is to get them wrong.
What we shouldn't try to do is to put people into a rigid box, where we think we know enough about them to tell them who they are. Everything that happens to us allows us to grow, and we can never have enough data about the other persons world to run that analysis - hell I can't even keep up with myself at times! |
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"Agree with other posts. You can't really accurately measure how well you know someone. People are constantly changing and developing, the perceived and the perceiver included. I'm sure everyone can look back and wonder how they could be so wrong about someone or didn't see this or that etc, but you can't allow yourself to get hung up on it (easier said than done I know)
I think it's important to just do what's supposed to be natural and live in the moment; assess all available information about the person, try and make rational conclusions and just do what you feel and/or know is right by them and everyone else in any given situation.
Kind of a non-answer there sorry, but It's interesting to discuss.
I along with a few others obviously disagree with your non-answer comment. I think you've hit the nail on the head!
I take it a little bit further, in that I think it's important to acknowledge the only person you really know is yourself. I don't like to assume - it really does make an "ass" of "u" and "me". If someone I am playing with does something that impacts on me, I will tell them, what they do with that information is their call. What I do about their reaction is mine.
We all make judgements, I think putting a label on someone is fine, but labels are flexible, we can mislabel by accident, we can find the labels change, we can have two labels that completely contradict each other and are both appropriate. They are fluid and help us make sense of a very complicated world, but we have to appreciate how easy it is to get them wrong.
What we shouldn't try to do is to put people into a rigid box, where we think we know enough about them to tell them who they are. Everything that happens to us allows us to grow, and we can never have enough data about the other persons world to run that analysis - hell I can't even keep up with myself at times! "
I like this |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can honestly say that I only really "know " one person I met on here. They are no longer a member. We met at a social event and after many months and many social meets we did actually have sex once, which was great but we have remained very good friends with no other connotations ever since. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm just asking how long people think it takes to get to know someone. Or what makes them think they know someone.
That takes the question in a different direction slightly for me.
I intuit quite a bit about people fairly quickly, which enables me to make fairly accurate assessments of whether I will like them or not. However really getting to know them requires ever increasing levels of mutual disclosure and dialogue. Then sufficient trust can be forged to 'really' know each other. It requires a willingness to be vulnerable in each other's presence that sadly I have found rather rare. |
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"I'm just asking how long people think it takes to get to know someone. Or what makes them think they know someone.
That takes the question in a different direction slightly for me.
I intuit quite a bit about people fairly quickly, which enables me to make fairly accurate assessments of whether I will like them or not. However really getting to know them requires ever increasing levels of mutual disclosure and dialogue. Then sufficient trust can be forged to 'really' know each other. It requires a willingness to be vulnerable in each other's presence that sadly I have found rather rare."
Exactly so. Rare and very precious IMO. |
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"I'm just asking how long people think it takes to get to know someone. Or what makes them think they know someone.
That takes the question in a different direction slightly for me.
I intuit quite a bit about people fairly quickly, which enables me to make fairly accurate assessments of whether I will like them or not. However really getting to know them requires ever increasing levels of mutual disclosure and dialogue. Then sufficient trust can be forged to 'really' know each other. It requires a willingness to be vulnerable in each other's presence that sadly I have found rather rare."
 |
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"
More judges than Rinder n Judy!
Is Judy still around, I liked her. She was judgey in a brutal way.
No idea - can't abide either in truth..... too much like Jeremy Kyle nightmare TV! "
I'm thinking years back, she was hangover tv
Jeremy Kyle...makes me glad I have a job |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In my opinion...
As long as you know yourself that is all that matters... The moment you start telling people about yourself you start having expectations of people and that is the time they start letting you down...
I know who I am and what I want so that is all that matters to me.
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By *anky_PankyWoman
over a year ago
Filthy Fuckeryville |
"
More judges than Rinder n Judy!
Is Judy still around, I liked her. She was judgey in a brutal way.
No idea - can't abide either in truth..... too much like Jeremy Kyle nightmare TV!
I'm thinking years back, she was hangover tv
Jeremy Kyle...makes me glad I have a job "
Nooooooooo that was Hollyoaks omnibus  |
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"
More judges than Rinder n Judy!
Is Judy still around, I liked her. She was judgey in a brutal way.
No idea - can't abide either in truth..... too much like Jeremy Kyle nightmare TV!
I'm thinking years back, she was hangover tv
Jeremy Kyle...makes me glad I have a job
Nooooooooo that was Hollyoaks omnibus "
It's like you are telling me you only drank on Saturdays |
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"The only person you'll ever know well is yourself.
I thought I knew who I was, now I'm not so sure. Turns out I'm more sexually adventurous than I ever knew though
I think you're always learning new things about yourself and learning who you are as long as you don't allow yourself to stagnate and settle for a mediocre existence "
I think that's me to a 'T' too! The Sunday school teacher I was when I first became single is long gone - but who I am now I'm not entirely sure - because, by fab's very 'secret' nature - I'm completely different things to different people - which in truth I don't like!
I also need to push myself personally - lots of resolutions this year! |
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Have a great grind on fab that I met on a previous site couple of years ago, don't talk all the time, can go weeks without a word, but we always pick up again, have had lots of chats about all sorts that I probably wouldn't confide in anyone else and vice versa, she's my go to friend, but she doesn't do forums so she needn't know lol |
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By *uicy jonesMan
over a year ago
near a big hill in s/ shropshire NOT in |
"To really get to know someone?
Inspired by a few things today,do you feel like you really know anyone on here? Enough to be able to say what you like to them, to defend them should they need it or even make comments on their behaviour, or the pattern of behaviour which you have seen others portray in order to gain the attention of someone you think you know.
having sex with someone doesn't mean you know them, does it? So why do some people feel that it does?
A bit ranty but....meh
Discuss.
"
Do you ever really know somebody !!!! Xxx
I certainly thought I knew my ex wife !!! But them bammmmm , really didn't know here at all and we was together 20 years !!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ultimately you're only going to see them as they portray themselves. Yes there are genuine people and yes you may infact know everything you need to about them because they let you. But you'll never be certain because there are one too many people who are experts in deceit, there are entire governments full of examples lol |
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It's not a simple matter of time, but how intimately connected you become. As we know, the sexual intimacy doesn't equate to knowing the person.
People may or may not choose to open to us - they may stay guarded and withhold. But we can have a feel for them and sense those barriers.
There's no reason for swingers to be less open or close than those from other walks. Fab is an internet site, so also supports people being blessed with the traits and habits that other sites reveal too.
Giving trust to others is something that is ideally done reciprocally and balanced. And based on your wisdom, rather than desires.
You can certainly know people here, there are many great people. But ideally you'd be part of their wider life, to gain a stronger perspective and not just from a tiny facet, divorced from their fuller selves. Some people are complex but also remarkably simple and easy to understand. But how long is a piece of string? Not one simple answer. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have friends on here but truthfully I don't know them and they don't know me.
My wife left me after 8 years together and her behaviour regarding during the situation and in the time afterwards shows me that I never truly knew her, my own wife!
If 8 years and a marriage isn't enough time to truly know someone then there's no chance of getting to truly know someone from a few meets.
I prefer it that way too, on a meet I like to think people see the best version of me that exists right now, banter, laughter, sex and lots of kisses, cuddles and intimacy. I don't have to worry about knowing their flaws or them knowing mine."
Well didn't she do the world a favour!!....no disrespect to the ex, or plenty depending |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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People are like onions, if we don't peel them, they won't peel themselves and some never do or run out of layers completely.
I've had in the past, when I was more active in 'the scene' at clubs and meets, had experiences of rumors and chip paper patter about me, at the time it was other people that pointed this out to me. I myself tend to find its more what's that persons motives? behind telling you this chitchat and or gossip about yourself, who is really benefiting...at the end of the day those that talk behind your back are exactly that, behind you!...leave them to it, but maybe also look to the person telling you this and maybe see if that is kosher first, or their reasons for telling you. They may do this with all meets.
Tell people what you want to know, but know what you're telling them. So at least when you're hearing bs or smell a rat you know who to distance yourself from or indeed stand up for and argue the toss to.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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How long? I don't know the answer.
I only think I know my friends because I've shared experiences over a long time, and lots of meaningful truthful conversations.
On fab I don't think we can truly get to know anyone over a short time meeting for just sex, or by just replying to their posts.
Maybe more personal conversations by pms or texts and talking for a longer length of time helps, you might find you share similar life experiences and have the same views on lots of things.
In that cese you might empathise and relate and think you know them. I probably know what makes them happy, and unfortunately what hurts them.
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By *anky_PankyWoman
over a year ago
Filthy Fuckeryville |
"
More judges than Rinder n Judy!
Is Judy still around, I liked her. She was judgey in a brutal way.
No idea - can't abide either in truth..... too much like Jeremy Kyle nightmare TV!
I'm thinking years back, she was hangover tv
Jeremy Kyle...makes me glad I have a job
Nooooooooo that was Hollyoaks omnibus
It's like you are telling me you only drank on Saturdays "
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To really get to know someone?
Inspired by a few things today,do you feel like you really know anyone on here? Enough to be able to say what you like to them, to defend them should they need it or even make comments on their behaviour, or the pattern of behaviour which you have seen others portray in order to gain the attention of someone you think you know.
having sex with someone doesn't mean you know them, does it? So why do some people feel that it does?
A bit ranty but....meh
Discuss.
Do you ever really know somebody !!!! Xxx
I certainly thought I knew my ex wife !!! But them bammmmm , really didn't know here at all and we was together 20 years !!!! "
No, you can never truly know anyone 100%. Until the day we can read other people's minds, this will always be the case. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The brain is mutable, and has plasticity, even into older age. We adapt to circumstances, and the person you knew once may not be the person you know now. That said, most of us have a core personality, but much can change around this.In the good times it is easier to be generous, good natured and tolerant. But when the situation takes a turn for the worse, who knows what it might bring out? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't think you can know anyone fully.
You can only know what they want you to know. You only know what you think you know.
Made sense in my head anyway |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't think you can know anyone fully.
You can only know what they want you to know. You only know what you think you know.
Made sense in my head anyway "
This exactly |
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