FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > my mum keeps phoning me
my mum keeps phoning me
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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she is my 'estranged' mum(and she lives in england)...she was phoning me and having HUGE long conversations(I'd be nodding my head or doing something else(fabwise), now she's phoning with SHORT calls, and its mostly sounding like she has a friend nearby listening in...she put the phone down rather quick when I said am still pished lol
I think she even made me say "love you mum" arrrrghhhhhhhhh....I can tolerate her..but 'love' her...er..
anyway without getting too deep or personal OR painful...
what are your thoughts on a parent that you dont get on with?, my theory is 'love' through blood must be earned..I find it even hard to be with those that earned it(just through my ineffective time management), let alone an 'estranged' loved one. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"she is my 'estranged' mum(and she lives in england)...she was phoning me and having HUGE long conversations(I'd be nodding my head or doing something else(fabwise), now she's phoning with SHORT calls, and its mostly sounding like she has a friend nearby listening in...she put the phone down rather quick when I said am still pished lol
I think she even made me say "love you mum" arrrrghhhhhhhhh....I can tolerate her..but 'love' her...er..
anyway without getting too deep or personal OR painful...
what are your thoughts on a parent that you dont get on with?, my theory is 'love' through blood must be earned..I find it even hard to be with those that earned it(just through my ineffective time management), let alone an 'estranged' loved one."
in context can I say I have only met her twice in my life after the age of 4, and only met her in my late 20's(for a weekend. |
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Funny that, my mum always says, "You can choose your friends but not your family."
Mind you, she hated both of her parents (now dead) and the last time she saw my uncle was at my grandmother's funeral. I remember her saying, "That god that's over, I never have to see that cunt again."
Issshews
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Funny that, my mum always says, "You can choose your friends but not your family."
Mind you, she hated both of her parents (now dead) and the last time she saw my uncle was at my grandmother's funeral. I remember her saying, "That god that's over, I never have to see that cunt again."
Issshews
"
weird eh?..perhaps its why I feel more connected to some other people..I just dont get blood is thicker than water |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Funny that, my mum always says, "You can choose your friends but not your family."
Mind you, she hated both of her parents (now dead) and the last time she saw my uncle was at my grandmother's funeral. I remember her saying, "That god that's over, I never have to see that cunt again."
Issshews
"
Lol!
I agree - just because people are your family it doesn't mean you have you like them!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't get on very well with my mum. She isnt very soft with her tounge or manner. I don't like her most of the time but I do love her. As for the bloods thicker then water saying...my blood isn't hers.  xxx |
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"I love my mum she is fantastic
awww"
My mum's nuts. But I can be quite frank about her nuttiness to her face. I'm at the point in my life when I can translate my parents to/for each other, 'cos they fail spectacularly from time to time.
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I'm very blessed with an incredibly family, and I do realise how lucky I am having been close to others in boats maybe more similar to your own. When the family bond is good it's amazing, no one comes between us, it's us against the world and we will always have each others backs.
The blood part is mostly irrelevant in that though, my eldest sister is technically my half sister, so the blood is "diluted" if you want to look at it that way. Personally I couldn't give a flying fuck, she's as important to me as every other family member.
I think biology only plays so big a part, the rest is down to the people and how they treat each other. Sorry to hear your biological mother missed out on you, but from the sounds of what you're saying, it's not like you really missed out with not having her around.
X |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If she's making the effort I say give her a chance 1 day she won't be around & be too late to make up"
she is making an effort, but she is also very narcissistic..my impending visit has made her call me...and ffs she doesnt even bring up the past(whichis a usual thing)
anyway...as much as I think...I'm just using her as a stepping stone to meet people Ive been wanting to meet for years who are down south..
yup...shallow(did I take that from her?) lol
anyone near reading? am coming to shag |
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This Be The Verse
.
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.
Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.
.
Philip Larkin |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm very blessed with an incredibly family, and I do realise how lucky I am having been close to others in boats maybe more similar to your own. When the family bond is good it's amazing, no one comes between us, it's us against the world and we will always have each others backs.
The blood part is mostly irrelevant in that though, my eldest sister is technically my half sister, so the blood is "diluted" if you want to look at it that way. Personally I couldn't give a flying fuck, she's as important to me as every other family member.
I think biology only plays so big a part, the rest is down to the people and how they treat each other. Sorry to hear your biological mother missed out on you, but from the sounds of what you're saying, it's not like you really missed out with not having her around.
X"
I have several 'half' family too...and love the way you feel about yours.
I really just find it odd some people think having blood between them makes them feel more important than someone who actually helped/influenced you in life, can thinks they are more worthy.
I have no malice agaisnt my mum, I see her for what she was/is...many things make me know , that even as a child I didnt like her(when she cared for me for a short time), her other child my half-brother, is a hot handsome guy...but fuck me....his brains fucking on the flat earth level. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"This Be The Verse
.
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.
Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.
.
Philip Larkin"
fuck that am gonna be a brill dad...when I find a hot whore..I mean...applicable whore,i meant, loving companion with child bearing hips. |
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"
I have several 'half' family too...and love the way you feel about yours.
I really just find it odd some people think having blood between them makes them feel more important than someone who actually helped/influenced you in life, can thinks they are more worthy.
I have no malice agaisnt my mum, I see her for what she was/is...many things make me know , that even as a child I didnt like her(when she cared for me for a short time), her other child my half-brother, is a hot handsome guy...but fuck me....his brains fucking on the flat earth level."
For what it's worth I also find it an odd way to think, but if you think she is narcissistic then then reasons behind her delusions of self importance are almost irrelevant. If it wasn't that, it would be something else.
Your head is obviously screwed on the right way around, so hold it up high, keep on doing what's right by you and those that have earned a right to it and you'll be grand.
Good luck with the visit.
XxX |
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"This Be The Verse
.
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.
Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.
.
Philip Larkin
fuck that am gonna be a brill dad...when I find a hot whore..I mean...applicable whore,i meant, loving companion with child bearing hips."
That is the hope, to break the cycle  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
I have several 'half' family too...and love the way you feel about yours.
I really just find it odd some people think having blood between them makes them feel more important than someone who actually helped/influenced you in life, can thinks they are more worthy.
I have no malice agaisnt my mum, I see her for what she was/is...many things make me know , that even as a child I didnt like her(when she cared for me for a short time), her other child my half-brother, is a hot handsome guy...but fuck me....his brains fucking on the flat earth level.
For what it's worth I also find it an odd way to think, but if you think she is narcissistic then then reasons behind her delusions of self importance are almost irrelevant. If it wasn't that, it would be something else.
Your head is obviously screwed on the right way around, so hold it up high, keep on doing what's right by you and those that have earned a right to it and you'll be grand.
Good luck with the visit.
XxX"
aww thank youxxx
the visit wont impact me much, I know its something she longs for(I am not entirely devoid of wanting someone happy)
I can take her with a pinch of salt, I'll tell her to shut the fuck up when she's being daft(she has race issues lol.), I feel from an outward view of her. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've seen my parents once in 8 years at a funeral about 5 years ago. I was chatting to an old family friend who my parents no longer speak to, when I told them I hadn't spoke to my parents for 3 years he said "well I hate to say it but your parents have a long history of falling out with almost everyone". And that sums them up nicely. They are 2 of the most bitter, nasty and spiteful people I've ever me. They fucked me up and they fucked my brother up. The last argument we had was laughably trivial but was the straw that broke the camals back
My way of dealing, I moved to London changed my name and then moved again. They thankfully have never looked that hard for me |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"This Be The Verse
.
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.
Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.
.
Philip Larkin
fuck that am gonna be a brill dad...when I find a hot whore..I mean...applicable whore,i meant, loving companion with child bearing hips.
That is the hope, to break the cycle "
lol Joe..where you actually being supportive? ya cunt |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i dont speak to my parents for a few reasons - not going to share what they are but in the last 34 years ive not seen them and spoke to my dad once about 11 years ago on the phone - nobody would make me talk to them - id never utter the words 'i love you ' to them for sure - i have control over what comes out of my mouth - |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't get on well with either of my parents, more so my mum, it's been 5 years since I last saw her and 4 years since I last saw my dad. But I haven't even spoken to my mum since, but have my dad a couple of times, one being Boxing Day just gone. I don't hate my dad, I probably love him in some kind of way, but know he's a negative person to have in my life. My mum, however, I won't go to her funeral when she dies. She's not someone I want or need in my life, never have and won't in the future, no I do not love her, but life long family friends I do. |
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By *ficouldMan
over a year ago
a quandary, could you change my mind? |
We can choose our friends, family however are part of life. I believe we can still decide which of our family we see or do not.
I can walk down the street in my Nans home town and walk past relatives who I might recognise but really not have a clue who they are, some its a relief.
Good luck OP with your choice |
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I'm lucky with my family, though there is one black sheep (not me). My mum's pretty golden and I give her a lot of time and love. If it had been different, I guess I'd not know what I'd missed out on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you don't like someone why stay in touch? I think it's unfair when some people try to make others feel guilty for not getting on with blood relatives. Do what's best for you. If that involves disowning her and never speaking to her again then |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've seen my parents once in 8 years at a funeral about 5 years ago. I was chatting to an old family friend who my parents no longer speak to, when I told them I hadn't spoke to my parents for 3 years he said "well I hate to say it but your parents have a long history of falling out with almost everyone". And that sums them up nicely. They are 2 of the most bitter, nasty and spiteful people I've ever me. They fucked me up and they fucked my brother up. The last argument we had was laughably trivial but was the straw that broke the camals back
My way of dealing, I moved to London changed my name and then moved again. They thankfully have never looked that hard for me"
Did it make it easier to deal with knowing they act this way with pretty much everyone, as in it's not just directed at you?
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I only have my mum left and have mostly got on well, we have fallen out once or twice but that was in my teenage years. I'd be lost without her.
But i realise that not everyone has such support and i'm not even going to pretend to imagine how that feels.
OP it sounds like your mum is trying to build bridges. That takes a bit of courage, so long as her intentions are genuine. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Be thankful you can talk to her "
its nice to heare the above...
As I say, I try to detract from drama in my life that I dont need.
I cannot be thankful to someone that just gave birth to me, my family raised me, my dad(my adopted single dad really),
I for want of a better word just want her a wee bitta happiness...if she starts acting like a cunt(she often has), I just tell her to fuck of....for another 20 years. |
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No i dont think you need to have a relationship with a women you dont know. My father left when i was 15mths old I saw him once at 11 and met him at my instigation when i was 29 dont know why I bothered.He did come and watch me grow up Im told but never spoke. Never had a gift or a card all my life .He turned up at my wedding but never showed himself or come into church. Thankfully we had no fone back then and certainly no mobiles.
we moved house and i never contacted him again.
Cant even think I would have said I loved him couldnt even call him Dad.
Do what you feel is best.
If you like her at all continue if you dont block her from calling. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"No i dont think you need to have a relationship with a women you dont know. My father left when i was 15mths old I saw him once at 11 and met him at my instigation when i was 29 dont know why I bothered.He did come and watch me grow up Im told but never spoke. Never had a gift or a card all my life .He turned up at my wedding but never showed himself or come into church. Thankfully we had no fone back then and certainly no mobiles.
we moved house and i never contacted him again.
Cant even think I would have said I loved him couldnt even call him Dad.
Do what you feel is best.
If you like her at all continue if you dont block her from calling. "
awww xxx
I suppose its only fair to ask parents of kids, if they feel the same(I know many cases where some might).
I can think of nothing worse than being unloved or feeling idferrent to someone who gave birth/gave birth to.
I just wont sacrifice my own happiness(regardless how superficial it is) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Funny that, my mum always says, "You can choose your friends but not your family."
Mind you, she hated both of her parents (now dead) and the last time she saw my uncle was at my grandmother's funeral. I remember her saying, "That god that's over, I never have to see that cunt again."
Issshews
Lol!
I agree - just because people are your family it doesn't mean you have you like them!
"
Very much this |
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"No i dont think you need to have a relationship with a women you dont know. My father left when i was 15mths old I saw him once at 11 and met him at my instigation when i was 29 dont know why I bothered.He did come and watch me grow up Im told but never spoke. Never had a gift or a card all my life .He turned up at my wedding but never showed himself or come into church. Thankfully we had no fone back then and certainly no mobiles.
we moved house and i never contacted him again.
Cant even think I would have said I loved him couldnt even call him Dad.
Do what you feel is best.
If you like her at all continue if you dont block her from calling.
awww xxx
I suppose its only fair to ask parents of kids, if they feel the same(I know many cases where some might).
I can think of nothing worse than being unloved or feeling idferrent to someone who gave birth/gave birth to.
I just wont sacrifice my own happiness(regardless how superficial it is)"
I am a parent I love my kids some times I get mad at them. My son and I have a better relatioship My daughter not so much. She tries but we are no where near close. I could never have given them away or left them to someone else or walked out of their lives.
Some people aren't as lucky as me with a husband. people struggling alone sometimes just have no choice but to go. I hope you sort out your feelings at least you trying too .x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"No i dont think you need to have a relationship with a women you dont know. My father left when i was 15mths old I saw him once at 11 and met him at my instigation when i was 29 dont know why I bothered.He did come and watch me grow up Im told but never spoke. Never had a gift or a card all my life .He turned up at my wedding but never showed himself or come into church. Thankfully we had no fone back then and certainly no mobiles.
we moved house and i never contacted him again.
Cant even think I would have said I loved him couldnt even call him Dad.
Do what you feel is best.
If you like her at all continue if you dont block her from calling.
awww xxx
I suppose its only fair to ask parents of kids, if they feel the same(I know many cases where some might).
I can think of nothing worse than being unloved or feeling idferrent to someone who gave birth/gave birth to.
I just wont sacrifice my own happiness(regardless how superficial it is)
I am a parent I love my kids some times I get mad at them. My son and I have a better relatioship My daughter not so much. She tries but we are no where near close. I could never have given them away or left them to someone else or walked out of their lives.
Some people aren't as lucky as me with a husband. people struggling alone sometimes just have no choice but to go. I hope you sort out your feelings at least you trying too .x"
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My darling mother, now 95, failed and continues to fail at demonstrating any love whatsoever.
She reaps what she sews and hates it.
Touche mum, touche."
poisonous to her own futility? |
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"My darling mother, now 95, failed and continues to fail at demonstrating any love whatsoever.
She reaps what she sews and hates it.
Touche mum, touche.
poisonous to her own futility?"
I estranged myself from her many years ago. I don't want her to be in physical pain and shes being well looked after but my siblings are suffering by her vitriol.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Inner circle, outer circle...The people (regardless of connection) that enhance your life and are a pleasure to be around are the inner circle... Everyone else is outer. If you apply this logic to your life...Try to live by it...Be a positive enhancer. |
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It's strange - my parents are both intelligent, caring, generous (if batty) people who have afforded me as many opportunities as they were able.
And I just don't get them.
Obviously I know their personalities, foibles, ticks, whatever... but I never felt like I clicked with either.
Probs why I spent much of my 20s hanging out with men and women in their 50s & 60s. Kinda surrogates I could relate better and on an equal footing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've seen my parents once in 8 years at a funeral about 5 years ago. I was chatting to an old family friend who my parents no longer speak to, when I told them I hadn't spoke to my parents for 3 years he said "well I hate to say it but your parents have a long history of falling out with almost everyone". And that sums them up nicely. They are 2 of the most bitter, nasty and spiteful people I've ever me. They fucked me up and they fucked my brother up. The last argument we had was laughably trivial but was the straw that broke the camals back
My way of dealing, I moved to London changed my name and then moved again. They thankfully have never looked that hard for me
Did it make it easier to deal with knowing they act this way with pretty much everyone, as in it's not just directed at you?
"
Sometimes when I'm feeling more reflective it helps but generally no not all because it doesn't make my scars any less deep |
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My dad pass away 7 years ago we had our up and down do miss him but mum ring all time u ring her she crazy at times cheer me up thing go wrong just don't like her loudness but even with hearing aid in bless her she my rock. |
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By *amissCouple
over a year ago
chelmsford |
"Wish my mum could phone me, but she died  loved her dearly and miss her.
Sorry to hear, of course I wish I had that 'norm'"
Thank you and I'm sorry you didn't have that 'norm'. I know I've been lucky to have loving parents. I've seen so much of the opposite to my experience, but do understand that we don't get to pick our family  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not fussed on my mum either, should go and see as she's old and in poor health. She couldn't really be arsed with me and my younger sister since I was about 8. We are now returning the favour and leaving it to my youngest and oldest sister s the favoured ones to look after her. |
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