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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I haven't talked to my wife in three weeks. I don't want to interrupt her.
I haven't slept for three days because three days is far too long to sleep.
The first time I got myself a universal remote I thought "this changes everything".
Say what you want about deaf people...
I have spent the last four years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer but no-one will do it.
I saw a sign which read "Watch for children" and I thought, "that's a fair swap".
I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner, it was only gathering dust.
I was at a cash point and an old lady asked me to help her check her balance, so I pushed her over
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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My aunt Marge has been so ill for so long that we've started to call her I can't believe she's not better.
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
Crime in multi story car parks. Wrong on so many levels.
Hedgehogs, why not just share the hedge?
I'm on an Alcohol diet. I have lost three days already.
I have kleptomania, when it gets bad, I take something for it.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"they sound like that bloke off 'mock the week' 
Gary Delaney! that's the fella ...
Milton Jones is the one liner king"
I beg to differ..
he is even advertised as 'a brilliant one liner comedian'
most of yours are his anyway |
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