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Cheer me up fuckers
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By *yrdwoman OP Woman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
Stressful week at work, two meets arranged: one no show and one cancelled, sat at home with a bottle of malbec and a tonne of unhealthy snacks, I need some grins.
Post your jokes here please. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Stressful week at work, two meets arranged: one no show and one cancelled, sat at home with a bottle of malbec and a tonne of unhealthy snacks, I need some grins.
Post your jokes here please."
What do you call a tellytubby with dirty hands??
Stinky pinky xD I'm so immature at times  |
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Toms in the Dog house again, His wife has told him that if he ever comes home d*unk she will leave him.
Nonetheless he goes out. He drinks a lot and throws up all over himself. He turns to his friend and asks what he can do. His friend is helpful.
“Go home,” he says. “Tell your wife someone threw up on you. And put a twenty pound note inside your jacket pocket. Show her the money and tell her the other man gave it to you for the dry cleaning bill.”
So this he does. His wife is at first angry. But he explains. He tells her about the d*unk man who threw up on him. He shows her the twenty pounds.
She looks. “But why have you got two £20 notes?” she asks.
“Oh,” he says. “The other one is from the man who shat in my pants.”
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A family arrive at a hotel and the father goes up to the bloke on the front desk and says 'I hope the porn is disabled'. The bloke looks at him and replies 'No, it's regular porn you sick fuck'. |
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By *yrdwoman OP Woman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"A family arrive at a hotel and the father goes up to the bloke on the front desk and says 'I hope the porn is disabled'. The bloke looks at him and replies 'No, it's regular porn you sick fuck'. "
I chuckled at that one. Seems I've now gauged my mood. |
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By *yrdwoman OP Woman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"[Removed by poster at 13/01/17 21:10:04]
I'll try again. No piss off
Join the queue arse breath. 
Are we feeling brave "
A 5 year old girl could take you in a fight so I don't need to feel brave. |
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By *yrdwoman OP Woman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"As you are on the Malbec....I'll give you a Dorothy Parker quote
'Sometimes I like a Martini
Two at the very most
After three I'm under the table
At four I'm under my host'"
That's gonna be my epitaph. I love Dorothy Parker. |
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"[Removed by poster at 13/01/17 21:10:04]
I'll try again. No piss off
Join the queue arse breath.
Are we feeling brave
A 5 year old girl could take you in a fight so I don't need to feel brave."
In that case bring it on fucker |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"A family arrive at a hotel and the father goes up to the bloke on the front desk and says 'I hope the porn is disabled'. The bloke looks at him and replies 'No, it's regular porn you sick fuck'.
I chuckled at that one. Seems I've now gauged my mood. "
Glad to have got you chuckling. So your mood is currently..... |
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By *yrdwoman OP Woman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"A family arrive at a hotel and the father goes up to the bloke on the front desk and says 'I hope the porn is disabled'. The bloke looks at him and replies 'No, it's regular porn you sick fuck'.
I chuckled at that one. Seems I've now gauged my mood.
Glad to have got you chuckling. So your mood is currently....."
Skull crackingly good.  |
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By *yrdwoman OP Woman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"[Removed by poster at 13/01/17 21:10:04]
I'll try again. No piss off
Join the queue arse breath.
Are we feeling brave
A 5 year old girl could take you in a fight so I don't need to feel brave.
In that case bring it on fucker "
I'd arrange a time for a fight but you'd only forget. |
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I had my 1st ever meet with a bi women who just wanted oral sex, well I did the business and said to her "that's the cleanest pussy I have ever eaten"
she smiled knowingly "I had a woman in earlier" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"A family arrive at a hotel and the father goes up to the bloke on the front desk and says 'I hope the porn is disabled'. The bloke looks at him and replies 'No, it's regular porn you sick fuck'.
I chuckled at that one. Seems I've now gauged my mood.
Glad to have got you chuckling. So your mood is currently.....
Skull crackingly good. "
Oh God! *Discretely slips on cycle helmet* |
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Recent studies showed that the average size of a UK mans erect penis is five and a half inches...
The French are slightly larger at five and three quarter inches..
The average american is at 6 inches erect...
However, far and away the largest average erect penis is in Iceland, their average erect penis size is six and a half inches!! 
.
.
.
.
Thats why mums go to Iceland  |
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"[Removed by poster at 13/01/17 21:10:04]
I'll try again. No piss off
Join the queue arse breath.
Are we feeling brave
A 5 year old girl could take you in a fight so I don't need to feel brave.
In that case bring it on fucker
I'd arrange a time for a fight but you'd only forget."
Oh well best not bother then |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
-What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
-What did the banana say to the vibrator?
Why are you shaking? She’s gonna eat me!!
-What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lick-a-lotta-puss
-Why do women have orgasms?
Just another reason to moan, really!
Jokes, jokes.
No feelings were hurt in the making of this post.
Eve. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"-What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
-What did the banana say to the vibrator?
Why are you shaking? She’s gonna eat me!!
-What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lick-a-lotta-puss
-Why do women have orgasms?
Just another reason to moan, really!
Jokes, jokes.
No feelings were hurt in the making of this post.
Eve. X "
Got me shaking my head like Churchill the dog though. No no no no |
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"Stressful week at work, two meets arranged: one no show and one cancelled, sat at home with a bottle of malbec and a tonne of unhealthy snacks, I need some grins.
Post your jokes here please."
Want a cock pic? That will make you laugh |
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By *yrdwoman OP Woman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"Stressful week at work, two meets arranged: one no show and one cancelled, sat at home with a bottle of malbec and a tonne of unhealthy snacks, I need some grins.
Post your jokes here please.
Want a cock pic? That will make you laugh "
Seen yours. No hilarity ensued. |
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"Stressful week at work, two meets arranged: one no show and one cancelled, sat at home with a bottle of malbec and a tonne of unhealthy snacks, I need some grins.
Post your jokes here please.
Want a cock pic? That will make you laugh
Seen yours. No hilarity ensued."
I wasn't suggesting mine, madam! |
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By *yrdwoman OP Woman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"Stressful week at work, two meets arranged: one no show and one cancelled, sat at home with a bottle of malbec and a tonne of unhealthy snacks, I need some grins.
Post your jokes here please.
Want a cock pic? That will make you laugh
Seen yours. No hilarity ensued.
I wasn't suggesting mine, madam! "
Hah, I get those sorts of pics in my inbox. All. The. Time! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"-What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
-What did the banana say to the vibrator?
Why are you shaking? She’s gonna eat me!!
-What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lick-a-lotta-puss
-Why do women have orgasms?
Just another reason to moan, really!
Jokes, jokes.
No feelings were hurt in the making of this post.
Eve. X
Got me shaking my head like Churchill the dog though. No no no no "
Hey! I stand by my cheesy attempt to cheer up the OP. The bad ones are the best one ha ha ha.
Eve. X
|
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"Stressful week at work, two meets arranged: one no show and one cancelled, sat at home with a bottle of malbec and a tonne of unhealthy snacks, I need some grins.
Post your jokes here please."
Let us see if we've got this right... You're a single, attractive woman who has had two non-meets... The guys are the joke right there!
Move close to us and become bi and you'll never have another non-meet again |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Husband and wife lobster lying in the sun. Wifey says to husband can you get me an ice cream.
So off he goes in the hot sun.
On the way back it's melting so he licked his then hers. By the time he gets back he's eaten both.
She says where is my ice cream.
He told her he'd eaten both of them.
She said YOU SHELLFISH BASTARD !!
Sorry  lol |
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By *ndigo40Woman
over a year ago
secret town |
"Toms in the Dog house again, His wife has told him that if he ever comes home d*unk she will leave him.
Nonetheless he goes out. He drinks a lot and throws up all over himself. He turns to his friend and asks what he can do. His friend is helpful.
“Go home,” he says. “Tell your wife someone threw up on you. And put a twenty pound note inside your jacket pocket. Show her the money and tell her the other man gave it to you for the dry cleaning bill.”
So this he does. His wife is at first angry. But he explains. He tells her about the d*unk man who threw up on him. He shows her the twenty pounds.
She looks. “But why have you got two £20 notes?” she asks.
“Oh,” he says. “The other one is from the man who shat in my pants.”
"
I don't get it  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Toms in the Dog house again, His wife has told him that if he ever comes home d*unk she will leave him.
Nonetheless he goes out. He drinks a lot and throws up all over himself. He turns to his friend and asks what he can do. His friend is helpful.
“Go home,” he says. “Tell your wife someone threw up on you. And put a twenty pound note inside your jacket pocket. Show her the money and tell her the other man gave it to you for the dry cleaning bill.”
So this he does. His wife is at first angry. But he explains. He tells her about the d*unk man who threw up on him. He shows her the twenty pounds.
She looks. “But why have you got two £20 notes?” she asks.
“Oh,” he says. “The other one is from the man who shat in my pants.”
I don't get it "
Really? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Toms in the Dog house again, His wife has told him that if he ever comes home d*unk she will leave him.
Nonetheless he goes out. He drinks a lot and throws up all over himself. He turns to his friend and asks what he can do. His friend is helpful.
“Go home,” he says. “Tell your wife someone threw up on you. And put a twenty pound note inside your jacket pocket. Show her the money and tell her the other man gave it to you for the dry cleaning bill.”
So this he does. His wife is at first angry. But he explains. He tells her about the d*unk man who threw up on him. He shows her the twenty pounds.
She looks. “But why have you got two £20 notes?” she asks.
“Oh,” he says. “The other one is from the man who shat in my pants.”
I don't get it
Really?"
Keep reading it, you'll get it in the end. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Toms in the Dog house again, His wife has told him that if he ever comes home d*unk she will leave him.
Nonetheless he goes out. He drinks a lot and throws up all over himself. He turns to his friend and asks what he can do. His friend is helpful.
“Go home,” he says. “Tell your wife someone threw up on you. And put a twenty pound note inside your jacket pocket. Show her the money and tell her the other man gave it to you for the dry cleaning bill.”
So this he does. His wife is at first angry. But he explains. He tells her about the d*unk man who threw up on him. He shows her the twenty pounds.
She looks. “But why have you got two £20 notes?” she asks.
“Oh,” he says. “The other one is from the man who shat in my pants.”
I don't get it
Really?
Keep reading it, you'll get it in the end. "
That's the funniest thing yet! |
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By *eeBee67Man
over a year ago
Masked and Distant |
Because of the weather I made sure I took the RACs advice today;
Winter snow coat
Extra gloves
Spare clothes
Shovel
Bag of grit
Food in case of getting stuck
Torch
Survival bag.
I looked a right twat on the bus |
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