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Self-esteem
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"No. Surely the fact it is 'self' esteem is an indicator?
How do you develop it then ? "
Oh, there's a myriad of ways to. Addressing negative thought patterns, alteration of coping mechanisms when facing certain situations that can challenge it? Cognitive therapy can help. Challenging yourself and tackling low views and being assertive in who are you also help.
It's to do with how you view yourself. Regardless of flattery and compliments, the only person who can have high self-esteem of yourself is you. Other people can be useful if they know you well as they can stop you seeing yourself too negatively and remind you of reality but can't fix low. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes, to some degree I think it is. But sometimes if we ask for approval from others, we can actually debase our self- esteem if the approval isn't positive or is judgemental. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do you think self-esteem is associated with approval from others ? "
If you get (self) esteem from others then that can be taken away..If you truly have self esteem from yourself only you can choose to take it away..Not dependent on others.
I would say it's only a confidence boost you can get from other people.
My humble opinion.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd say it's one kind of self-esteem but not the best kind
It could be taken away as easy as it's given. And it'd be out of your control
Strength from within is a different story |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
I'd say we ultimately we gain self esteem from the impression made on those around us. From the status we have in society, from the value we have in the world and the role we play.
We are social animals and without a contributions - our esteem would devalue. (This isn't to say you shouldn't give a two fingered salute when the need takes it)  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You're supposed to be set up for life by your parents in the first few years of life! It's when that doesn't happen properly that you have to start addressing the lack as an adult.  |
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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago
in the eye of the storm |
"Do you think self-esteem is associated with approval from others ? "
not in my case I'm independent been my own boss since I was 27 , my self esteem sense of worth as a human being is more to do with what I've a achieved from a very humble beginning .
as I'm a self made man my self esteem is of my own making based off of my own successes and failures . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do you think self-esteem is associated with approval from others ?
not in my case I'm independent been my own boss since I was 27 , my self esteem sense of worth as a human being is more to do with what I've a achieved from a very humble beginning
as I'm a self made man my self esteem is of my own making based off of my own successes and failures ."
But what you offer that I assume you value is valued by others, otherwise it would just be a failure. So others have helped to create your self esteem. We aren't independent beings, we are interdependent. |
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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago
in the eye of the storm |
"Do you think self-esteem is associated with approval from others ?
not in my case I'm independent been my own boss since I was 27 , my self esteem sense of worth as a human being is more to do with what I've a achieved from a very humble beginning
as I'm a self made man my self esteem is of my own making based off of my own successes and failures .
But what you offer that I assume you value is valued by others, otherwise it would just be a failure. So others have helped to create your self esteem. We aren't independent beings, we are interdependent."
I'm not material in the slightest I became no own boss because I was sick of others using me to meet their ends .
i agree we do depend on others for our spiritual wellbeing but my sense of self worth is not dependent on how others view me . i have my own code i live by i don't need or crave the adulations of others as my own code supplies me with all i need self esteem wise . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Most people want to be liked or admired but that being said I must admit me personally I am who I am, I've accepted that, nothing I could to change it if I wanted I'm happy with that.
So I suppose I've got more self esteem as I've got older just by accepting me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do you think self-esteem is associated with approval from others ?
not in my case I'm independent been my own boss since I was 27 , my self esteem sense of worth as a human being is more to do with what I've a achieved from a very humble beginning
as I'm a self made man my self esteem is of my own making based off of my own successes and failures .
But what you offer that I assume you value is valued by others, otherwise it would just be a failure. So others have helped to create your self esteem. We aren't independent beings, we are interdependent.
I'm not material in the slightest I became no own boss because I was sick of others using me to meet their ends .
i agree we do depend on others for our spiritual wellbeing but my sense of self worth is not dependent on how others view me . i have my own code i live by i don't need or crave the adulations of others as my own code supplies me with all i need self esteem wise . "
Ok that's what you believe, I have a similar outlook to you, but I don't believe my self esteem would be as strong without being esteemed by others that matter to me. |
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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago
in the eye of the storm |
"Do you think self-esteem is associated with approval from others ?
not in my case I'm independent been my own boss since I was 27 , my self esteem sense of worth as a human being is more to do with what I've a achieved from a very humble beginning
as I'm a self made man my self esteem is of my own making based off of my own successes and failures .
But what you offer that I assume you value is valued by others, otherwise it would just be a failure. So others have helped to create your self esteem. We aren't independent beings, we are interdependent.
I'm not material in the slightest I became no own boss because I was sick of others using me to meet their ends .
i agree we do depend on others for our spiritual wellbeing but my sense of self worth is not dependent on how others view me . i have my own code i live by i don't need or crave the adulations of others as my own code supplies me with all i need self esteem wise .
Ok that's what you believe, I have a similar outlook to you, but I don't believe my self esteem would be as strong without being esteemed by others that matter to me."
the adulation of others is the like a fair wide fickle and unreliable best to truly know ones inner core being because when you do you need not the fickle praise of other to evaluate yourself by . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do you think self-esteem is associated with approval from others ?
not in my case I'm independent been my own boss since I was 27 , my self esteem sense of worth as a human being is more to do with what I've a achieved from a very humble beginning
as I'm a self made man my self esteem is of my own making based off of my own successes and failures .
But what you offer that I assume you value is valued by others, otherwise it would just be a failure. So others have helped to create your self esteem. We aren't independent beings, we are interdependent.
I'm not material in the slightest I became no own boss because I was sick of others using me to meet their ends .
i agree we do depend on others for our spiritual wellbeing but my sense of self worth is not dependent on how others view me . i have my own code i live by i don't need or crave the adulations of others as my own code supplies me with all i need self esteem wise .
Ok that's what you believe, I have a similar outlook to you, but I don't believe my self esteem would be as strong without being esteemed by others that matter to me.
the adulation of others is the like a fair wide fickle and unreliable best to truly know ones inner core being because when you do you need not the fickle praise of other to evaluate yourself by . "
If my son didn't value me I would be affected by that.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you aren't taught to value yourself as a child you'll find it very hard to have a healthy self-esteem as an adult. The foundation for good self-esteem does come from others, primarily our parents, but once we reach maturity the need for validation from others is much less in those who had a good start. Needing validation is not a sign of a healthy self-esteem.
So, to answer your question, yes and no. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you aren't taught to value yourself as a child you'll find it very hard to have a healthy self-esteem as an adult. The foundation for good self-esteem does come from others, primarily our parents, but once we reach maturity the need for validation from others is much less in those who had a good start. Needing validation is not a sign of a healthy self-esteem.
So, to answer your question, yes and no."
But can continual lack of validation destroy self-esteem? |
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"If you aren't taught to value yourself as a child you'll find it very hard to have a healthy self-esteem as an adult. The foundation for good self-esteem does come from others, primarily our parents, but once we reach maturity the need for validation from others is much less in those who had a good start. Needing validation is not a sign of a healthy self-esteem.
So, to answer your question, yes and no.
But can continual lack of validation destroy self-esteem?"
Only if you are the sort of person who needs validation by others.
Those of us who don't need external validation are either
1. Arrogant or
2. Able to self evaluate, or
3. Both. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you aren't taught to value yourself as a child you'll find it very hard to have a healthy self-esteem as an adult. The foundation for good self-esteem does come from others, primarily our parents, but once we reach maturity the need for validation from others is much less in those who had a good start. Needing validation is not a sign of a healthy self-esteem.
So, to answer your question, yes and no.
But can continual lack of validation destroy self-esteem?"
Possibly, but somebody with high self-esteem would be less likely to tolerate poor treatment and remove themselves from people who have aren't supportive or abusive. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you aren't taught to value yourself as a child you'll find it very hard to have a healthy self-esteem as an adult. The foundation for good self-esteem does come from others, primarily our parents, but once we reach maturity the need for validation from others is much less in those who had a good start. Needing validation is not a sign of a healthy self-esteem.
So, to answer your question, yes and no.
But can continual lack of validation destroy self-esteem?
Only if you are the sort of person who needs validation by others.
Those of us who don't need external validation are either
1. Arrogant or
2. Able to self evaluate, or
3. Both."
I don't hold by the insular view. Self esteem is created through being efficacious. Previous efficacious action and self-verification creates a buffer for when things don't go so well. However if things don't go well in relation to others for a sustained period our self-esteem buffer gets damaged. I hold that we do not exist in isolation and even with self-evaluation and a high degree of self awareness we are interdependent not independent and so is our self esteem. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you aren't taught to value yourself as a child you'll find it very hard to have a healthy self-esteem as an adult. The foundation for good self-esteem does come from others, primarily our parents, but once we reach maturity the need for validation from others is much less in those who had a good start. Needing validation is not a sign of a healthy self-esteem.
So, to answer your question, yes and no.
But can continual lack of validation destroy self-esteem?
Only if you are the sort of person who needs validation by others.
Those of us who don't need external validation are either
1. Arrogant or
2. Able to self evaluate, or
3. Both.
I don't hold by the insular view. Self esteem is created through being efficacious. Previous efficacious action and self-verification creates a buffer for when things don't go so well. However if things don't go well in relation to others for a sustained period our self-esteem buffer gets damaged. I hold that we do not exist in isolation and even with self-evaluation and a high degree of self awareness we are interdependent not independent and so is our self esteem."
Very good point  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you aren't taught to value yourself as a child you'll find it very hard to have a healthy self-esteem as an adult. The foundation for good self-esteem does come from others, primarily our parents, but once we reach maturity the need for validation from others is much less in those who had a good start. Needing validation is not a sign of a healthy self-esteem.
So, to answer your question, yes and no.
But can continual lack of validation destroy self-esteem?
Possibly, but somebody with high self-esteem would be less likely to tolerate poor treatment and remove themselves from people who have aren't supportive or abusive."
You'd think that but I've seen people with high self-esteem have it severely damaged when an important relationship went wrong or a business venture went tits up... |
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"If you aren't taught to value yourself as a child you'll find it very hard to have a healthy self-esteem as an adult. The foundation for good self-esteem does come from others, primarily our parents, but once we reach maturity the need for validation from others is much less in those who had a good start. Needing validation is not a sign of a healthy self-esteem.
So, to answer your question, yes and no.
But can continual lack of validation destroy self-esteem?"
Negative assaults, or deficits in those things that promote good well being, can have many effects. Our self-esteem would generally be something that is distinct from having an external input. Obviously we're all somewhat imperfect and we're not isolated, due to being social animals, I think as you've noted earlier.
We perhaps could have had another topic - what we all thought self-esteem actually is.
We take on beliefs about ourselves as we've progressed through life, we pick up habits, influenced by others and we also self-manage, perhaps inspired by internal conflict/dissonance and our motivation. The healthier style of cultivating self-esteem would be for it to be entirely cultivated and managed within our selves and separeted from those external factors that are beyond our control, including other people. There are other concepts concerning our personal pyschology, including self-efficacy, confidence and other traits. We're organic beings, not having minds that are divided into little boxes of this or that trait: these are just facets of what being human may be. |
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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago
Shrewsbury |
"Do you think self-esteem is associated with approval from others ? "
As a child growing up and learning how to behave and react to 'life' yes. If the child is constantly being told off or has negative reactions to their actions they will surely have low self esteem.
As an adult you have aqiuered the life skills to know what's right from wrong. What's is and isn't exceptable in society so others options will not matter on how you view yourself.
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
Imagine being in a desert or remote island. Having no life obstacles, no appearance to care for, financial or social status to impress. Do you think your esteem would be through the roof because you're removed from it all? It's highly unlikely it would be as esteem is linked to approval and the desire for acknowledgement - whether it's crossing a desert or building a great tree house.
"I did", "I once", "I had", "I am" could all possibly be stuck from lexicons if esteem was purely derived from 'the self' - as you would already resoundingly know how positive the outcome would be. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Imagine being in a desert or remote island. Having no life obstacles, no appearance to care for, financial or social status to impress. Do you think your esteem would be through the roof because you're removed from it all? It's highly unlikely it would be as esteem is linked to approval and the desire for acknowledgement - whether it's crossing a desert or building a great tree house.
"I did", "I once", "I had", "I am" could all possibly be stuck from lexicons if esteem was purely derived from 'the self' - as you would already resoundingly know how positive the outcome would be. "
Great point |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"Imagine being in a desert or remote island. Having no life obstacles, no appearance to care for, financial or social status to impress. Do you think your esteem would be through the roof because you're removed from it all? It's highly unlikely it would be as esteem is linked to approval and the desire for acknowledgement - whether it's crossing a desert or building a great tree house.
"I did", "I once", "I had", "I am" could all possibly be stuck from lexicons if esteem was purely derived from 'the self' - as you would already resoundingly know how positive the outcome would be. "
I understand what you're trying to get across but self esteem in that scenario (providing you had it) would surely mean you'd feel a sense of accomplishment for surviving on said island? I think ego would want there to be others around to witness it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yeah, I feel that positive interactions from other people are the foundation of good self esteem. There's been lots of really good posts to that effect.
Arrogance is nothing to do with good self image, confidence and positive self esteem, but more as a result of insecurity about self worth, and poor self esteem. I guess the result of bad interactions with others... |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
"Imagine being in a desert or remote island. Having no life obstacles, no appearance to care for, financial or social status to impress. Do you think your esteem would be through the roof because you're removed from it all? It's highly unlikely it would be as esteem is linked to approval and the desire for acknowledgement - whether it's crossing a desert or building a great tree house.
"I did", "I once", "I had", "I am" could all possibly be stuck from lexicons if esteem was purely derived from 'the self' - as you would already resoundingly know how positive the outcome would be.
I understand what you're trying to get across but self esteem in that scenario (providing you had it) would surely mean you'd feel a sense of accomplishment for surviving on said island? I think ego would want there to be others around to witness it."
Say you were marooned or living as a hermit or the sole person left after evacuation (giving examples). You would have to survive on your own accomplishments, ego, passion, drive, determination - whilst these would no doubt keep you going, I do wonder how long before your esteem would be forgotten by more base merits (as there is no pat on the back). |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We're social animals. Doing well in a society, contributing to a community is part of that. Emotional strokes, that I believe lead to good self esteem, are part of knowing your doing ok, doing your bit for the other members. If you're not part of a group, in a desert island, you won't get the pats on the back, but you won't need to be participating as a member either. |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
"We're social animals. Doing well in a society, contributing to a community is part of that. Emotional strokes, that I believe lead to good self esteem, are part of knowing your doing ok, doing your bit for the other members. If you're not part of a group, in a desert island, you won't get the pats on the back, but you won't need to be participating as a member either. "
Do you think Buddha or Jesus would be able to survive? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You're supposed to be set up for life by your parents in the first few years of life! It's when that doesn't happen properly that you have to start addressing the lack as an adult. "
I'd disagree with this. I reckon people we interact with during different stages of our lives impact on how we feel about ourselves during particular times |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Self esteem comes from within, no amount of other people can make a difference if you have any level of self loathing.
Confidence can be boosted by the words and actions of others though "
Confidence isn't related to self esteem ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sadly if you get put down often enough then you start believing what you're told. For some of us self esteem is a very fragile thing. Hard to build but easy to destroy. |
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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago
Shrewsbury |
"Self esteem comes from within, no amount of other people can make a difference if you have any level of self loathing.
Confidence can be boosted by the words and actions of others though
"
I disagree I used to have a reasonable amount of self esteem.. I believed in myself until I was mentally abused by my then husband. Years of abuse destroyed what self esteem I had and it is taking me many years to develop a level of self esteem.
My esteem has been lifted because of the actions of other people believing in me and telling that they do.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Self esteem comes from within, no amount of other people can make a difference if you have any level of self loathing.
Confidence can be boosted by the words and actions of others though
Confidence isn't related to self esteem ? "
Self esteem underpins real confidence? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Self esteem comes from within, no amount of other people can make a difference if you have any level of self loathing.
Confidence can be boosted by the words and actions of others though
I disagree I used to have a reasonable amount of self esteem.. I believed in myself until I was mentally abused by my then husband. Years of abuse destroyed what self esteem I had and it is taking me many years to develop a level of self esteem.
My esteem has been lifted because of the actions of other people believing in me and telling that they do.
"
It's your self esteem that has allowed that to happen. |
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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago
Shrewsbury |
"Self esteem comes from within, no amount of other people can make a difference if you have any level of self loathing.
Confidence can be boosted by the words and actions of others though
I disagree I used to have a reasonable amount of self esteem.. I believed in myself until I was mentally abused by my then husband. Years of abuse destroyed what self esteem I had and it is taking me many years to develop a level of self esteem.
My esteem has been lifted because of the actions of other people believing in me and telling that they do.
It's your self esteem that has allowed that to happen. "
How? |
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"If you aren't taught to value yourself as a child you'll find it very hard to have a healthy self-esteem as an adult. The foundation for good self-esteem does come from others, primarily our parents, but once we reach maturity the need for validation from others is much less in those who had a good start. Needing validation is not a sign of a healthy self-esteem.
"
Yes this is the understanding I have from my studies. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Self esteem comes from within, no amount of other people can make a difference if you have any level of self loathing.
Confidence can be boosted by the words and actions of others though
Confidence isn't related to self esteem ?
Self esteem underpins real confidence?"
Yes I think it does |
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By *ed wineMan
over a year ago
Where the streets have no name |
"Do you think self-esteem is associated with approval from others ? "
Not everybody needs it...
However, approval from others serves as feedback of our behaviors. The clue is if that feedback is shared by many people or is just a subjective opinion from one person |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Good morning bud.
I think some times self esteem can feel like getting approval from.others .
Though to be completely content with ones self , you have to like yourself first. Not in an arrogant way but an appreciation of who you are , your good points and flaws . |
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