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Forgiveness and closure
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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After seeing the last movie of Tom Ford 'Nocturnal Animals' it got me thinking that forgiveness may be related to closure.
Can you forgive but not getting closure and vice versa ?
Are they both related to each other ?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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they're not related for me.
my ex didnt give me closure, had to do snooping to make sense of everything and realise what was really going on.
i got my closure myself, i wont forgive him as he's not even sorry. i'm not bitter either. he just became irrelelvant. |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
I don't carry reasons to forgive, I can move through life without any angst or upset.Things happen for many different reasons and if I am wronged by someone, I can let it go. |
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"After seeing the last movie of Tom Ford 'Nocturnal Animals' it got me thinking that forgiveness may be related to closure.
Can you forgive but not getting closure and vice versa ?
Are they both related to each other ?
"
. In my humbled opinion, I believe that you need neither to move on, I believe you can have one without the other and still move on, in many cases this has to be true for people because many have not been able to gain or use either, but by the same token I very much believe it's an individual personal mountain to climb, so what one could forgive for another couldn't, what one needs closure for another doesn't, it is what it is, it's different for all of us, but I send huge hugs to all those who have had to climb their mountain and I wish you peace of mind  Mrs blue eyes |
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"I do what needs to be done to live without bitterness.
What does involve? "
It depends on the situation, there isn't a formula. As a general rule though I acknowledge what's happened, accept any responsibility that might be mine and move on. Of course it isn't that simple and for some really awful things that have happened to people it can take a lifetime.
Of course it isn't that simple or easy.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I do what needs to be done to live without bitterness.
What does involve?
It depends on the situation, there isn't a formula. As a general rule though I acknowledge what's happened, accept any responsibility that might be mine and move on. Of course it isn't that simple and for some really awful things that have happened to people it can take a lifetime.
Of course it isn't that simple or easy.
"
For the sake of the arguments, lets say that it wasn't yours. Like Edwards in the movie.
Is revenge could be an option to be able to move on?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I do what needs to be done to live without bitterness.
What does involve?
It depends on the situation, there isn't a formula. As a general rule though I acknowledge what's happened, accept any responsibility that might be mine and move on. Of course it isn't that simple and for some really awful things that have happened to people it can take a lifetime.
Of course it isn't that simple or easy.
For the sake of the arguments, lets say that it wasn't yours. Like Edwards in the movie.
Is revenge could be an option to be able to move on?
"
No. That's allowing bitterness to consume you in an attempt to regain control. Revenge hurts the person seeking it as much, if not more than, the person who is dealt it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I do what needs to be done to live without bitterness.
What does involve?
It depends on the situation, there isn't a formula. As a general rule though I acknowledge what's happened, accept any responsibility that might be mine and move on. Of course it isn't that simple and for some really awful things that have happened to people it can take a lifetime.
Of course it isn't that simple or easy.
For the sake of the arguments, lets say that it wasn't yours. Like Edwards in the movie.
Is revenge could be an option to be able to move on?
No. That's allowing bitterness to consume you in an attempt to regain control. Revenge hurts the person seeking it as much, if not more than, the person who is dealt it."
Yet it can give you a feeling of satisfaction, even for a short notice.
All depends on the revenge you are seeking though.
I was really impressed by Edwards' revenge |
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"I do what needs to be done to live without bitterness.
What does involve?
It depends on the situation, there isn't a formula. As a general rule though I acknowledge what's happened, accept any responsibility that might be mine and move on. Of course it isn't that simple and for some really awful things that have happened to people it can take a lifetime.
Of course it isn't that simple or easy.
For the sake of the arguments, lets say that it wasn't yours. Like Edwards in the movie.
Is revenge could be an option to be able to move on?
"
. If the saying that' bad things happen to good people' is to be believed, then that good person would never forgive themselves for taking revenge, I would imagine this to be the case anyway Mrs blue eyes |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I do what needs to be done to live without bitterness.
What does involve?
It depends on the situation, there isn't a formula. As a general rule though I acknowledge what's happened, accept any responsibility that might be mine and move on. Of course it isn't that simple and for some really awful things that have happened to people it can take a lifetime.
Of course it isn't that simple or easy.
For the sake of the arguments, lets say that it wasn't yours. Like Edwards in the movie.
Is revenge could be an option to be able to move on?
. If the saying that' bad things happen to good people' is to be believed, then that good person would never forgive themselves for taking revenge, I would imagine this to be the case anyway Mrs blue eyes "
There is a pejorative connation to the word revenge...it is not necessarily a bad thing, given the fact that it doesn't seek specifically for hurting anyone but more so to prove a point. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Some one once told me that time is a great healer. Frankly I think they were talking bollocks and still do. I think that sometimes you just don't get closure and it up to you to understand and accept that you never will. You don't necessary have to give forgiveness nor does the other person have to say sorry. You just have to be the bigger person and that's when time gets involved as it's that that matters whether you allow emotions to get the better of you. Mr L. |
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"I do what needs to be done to live without bitterness.
What does involve?
It depends on the situation, there isn't a formula. As a general rule though I acknowledge what's happened, accept any responsibility that might be mine and move on. Of course it isn't that simple and for some really awful things that have happened to people it can take a lifetime.
Of course it isn't that simple or easy.
For the sake of the arguments, lets say that it wasn't yours. Like Edwards in the movie.
Is revenge could be an option to be able to move on?
"
I don't know the movie. Do you mean it wasn't my fault?
If someone harmed my children, my husband or my loved ones...well, like I say I would do what needs to be done to live without bitterness. If someone harms me personally I don't see revenge as an option unless it's in the form of a life well lived.
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"I do what needs to be done to live without bitterness.
What does involve?
It depends on the situation, there isn't a formula. As a general rule though I acknowledge what's happened, accept any responsibility that might be mine and move on. Of course it isn't that simple and for some really awful things that have happened to people it can take a lifetime.
Of course it isn't that simple or easy.
For the sake of the arguments, lets say that it wasn't yours. Like Edwards in the movie.
Is revenge could be an option to be able to move on?
. If the saying that' bad things happen to good people' is to be believed, then that good person would never forgive themselves for taking revenge, I would imagine this to be the case anyway Mrs blue eyes
There is a pejorative connation to the word revenge...it is not necessarily a bad thing, given the fact that it doesn't seek specifically for hurting anyone but more so to prove a point. "
. Ah but in my humble opinion again, would you neither want or need to prove a point if you were not feeling wronged, so therefore using revenge to prove ones point or just proving ones point in general would still serve to make you feel that you had in some way taken a feeling of joy at being right, which would eventually perhaps make you feel guilty about the pleasure of proving your point Mrs blue eyes |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"they're not related for me.
my ex didnt give me closure, had to do snooping to make sense of everything and realise what was really going on.
i got my closure myself, i wont forgive him as he's not even sorry. i'm not bitter either. he just became irrelelvant."
yeah i'm inclined to agree. the chap who killed my brother with a kitchen knife..he'll never be forgiven by me. but i feel like i have closure, he's gone, and i have my head round that now and life moves on.
his killer was caught and sentenced, and i don't want to pursue him any further than that. that's not to say if i bumped into him by chance in a dark alley i wouldn't beat him to death until i'd shattered every bone in both my hands...i would, he isn't forgiven. |
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"yeah i'm inclined to agree. the chap who killed my brother with a kitchen knife..he'll never be forgiven by me. but i feel like i have closure, he's gone, and i have my head round that now and life moves on.
his killer was caught and sentenced, and i don't want to pursue him any further than that. that's not to say if i bumped into him by chance in a dark alley i wouldn't beat him to death until i'd shattered every bone in both my hands...i would, he isn't forgiven. "
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I do what needs to be done to live without bitterness.
What does involve?
It depends on the situation, there isn't a formula. As a general rule though I acknowledge what's happened, accept any responsibility that might be mine and move on. Of course it isn't that simple and for some really awful things that have happened to people it can take a lifetime.
Of course it isn't that simple or easy.
For the sake of the arguments, lets say that it wasn't yours. Like Edwards in the movie.
Is revenge could be an option to be able to move on?
I don't know the movie. Do you mean it wasn't my fault?
If someone harmed my children, my husband or my loved ones...well, like I say I would do what needs to be done to live without bitterness. If someone harms me personally I don't see revenge as an option unless it's in the form of a life well lived.
"
Yes, exactly, succeeding where everyone think you failed. But don't want to spoil the movie if you want to watch it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"they're not related for me.
my ex didnt give me closure, had to do snooping to make sense of everything and realise what was really going on.
i got my closure myself, i wont forgive him as he's not even sorry. i'm not bitter either. he just became irrelelvant.
yeah i'm inclined to agree. the chap who killed my brother with a kitchen knife..he'll never be forgiven by me. but i feel like i have closure, he's gone, and i have my head round that now and life moves on.
his killer was caught and sentenced, and i don't want to pursue him any further than that. that's not to say if i bumped into him by chance in a dark alley i wouldn't beat him to death until i'd shattered every bone in both my hands...i would, he isn't forgiven. "
Revenge can be liberating sort of.
I am sorry to hear about what happened to your brother Christo. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I do what needs to be done to live without bitterness.
What does involve?
It depends on the situation, there isn't a formula. As a general rule though I acknowledge what's happened, accept any responsibility that might be mine and move on. Of course it isn't that simple and for some really awful things that have happened to people it can take a lifetime.
Of course it isn't that simple or easy.
For the sake of the arguments, lets say that it wasn't yours. Like Edwards in the movie.
Is revenge could be an option to be able to move on?
. If the saying that' bad things happen to good people' is to be believed, then that good person would never forgive themselves for taking revenge, I would imagine this to be the case anyway Mrs blue eyes
There is a pejorative connation to the word revenge...it is not necessarily a bad thing, given the fact that it doesn't seek specifically for hurting anyone but more so to prove a point. . Ah but in my humble opinion again, would you neither want or need to prove a point if you were not feeling wronged, so therefore using revenge to prove ones point or just proving ones point in general would still serve to make you feel that you had in some way taken a feeling of joy at being right, which would eventually perhaps make you feel guilty about the pleasure of proving your point Mrs blue eyes "
It's becoming too complicated for me haha |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"they're not related for me.
my ex didnt give me closure, had to do snooping to make sense of everything and realise what was really going on.
i got my closure myself, i wont forgive him as he's not even sorry. i'm not bitter either. he just became irrelelvant.
yeah i'm inclined to agree. the chap who killed my brother with a kitchen knife..he'll never be forgiven by me. but i feel like i have closure, he's gone, and i have my head round that now and life moves on.
his killer was caught and sentenced, and i don't want to pursue him any further than that. that's not to say if i bumped into him by chance in a dark alley i wouldn't beat him to death until i'd shattered every bone in both my hands...i would, he isn't forgiven.
Revenge can be liberating sort of.
I am sorry to hear about what happened to your brother Christo. "
it's not a thing i seek and i will never go looking for it. but i know if by some chance i came face to face with him i'm not sure i could control myself then if that makes sense?
and thank you, it's ok, it's been a while so time has softened the sting a little x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"they're not related for me.
my ex didnt give me closure, had to do snooping to make sense of everything and realise what was really going on.
i got my closure myself, i wont forgive him as he's not even sorry. i'm not bitter either. he just became irrelelvant.
yeah i'm inclined to agree. the chap who killed my brother with a kitchen knife..he'll never be forgiven by me. but i feel like i have closure, he's gone, and i have my head round that now and life moves on.
his killer was caught and sentenced, and i don't want to pursue him any further than that. that's not to say if i bumped into him by chance in a dark alley i wouldn't beat him to death until i'd shattered every bone in both my hands...i would, he isn't forgiven.
Revenge can be liberating sort of.
I am sorry to hear about what happened to your brother Christo.
it's not a thing i seek and i will never go looking for it. but i know if by some chance i came face to face with him i'm not sure i could control myself then if that makes sense?
and thank you, it's ok, it's been a while so time has softened the sting a little x"
I completely understand what you mean, and I would probably feel the same tbh. |
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By *ndigo40Woman
over a year ago
secret town |
"After seeing the last movie of Tom Ford 'Nocturnal Animals' it got me thinking that forgiveness may be related to closure.
Can you forgive but not getting closure and vice versa ?
Are they both related to each other ?
"
Good film |
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