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Middle Aged Man in Self Servic Till Horror
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By *nvictus OP Man
over a year ago
Beeston |
Goes in Asda and quickly and efficiently selects trousers, jacket and tie required. Goes to self-service area (mentally noting how the number of human operated tills has decreased substantially).
Presses large button helpfully entitle 'Start'
Puts own bag in the bagging area.
UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA.
"Yes, there is. It's a bag..."
UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA.
"Yes, you said. It's my bag. I use my own"
UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA.
"Not this shit again..."  "whatever..."
Removes bag and puts it between knees.
Scans tie.
Tie appears listed on screen.
UNABLE TO SCAN ITEM. PLEASE TRY AGAIN.
"It's on the list..."
UNABLE TO SCAN ITEM. PLEASE TRY AGAIN.
"Fuck sake! It's there, look!" 
UNABLE TO SCAN ITEM. PLEASE TRY AGAIN.
Grits teeth.
Puts tie in bagging area to try and scan jacket.
UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA.
"For fuck sake!"
Removes tie and drapes it over arm, still balancing bag between knees.
Scans jacket.
Jacket appears beneath tie on the screen list.
UNABLE TO SCAN ITEM. PLEASE TRY AGAIN.
Places jacket in bagging area and looks around and scowls.
Patience slips away as options are considered...
UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA.
Slowly turns around back to machine with eyes like smouldering coals from Hell...
"Fuck you and your robot overlords you piece of crap!" proclaimed loudly and uncaring who hears.
Grabs all items and goes to queue for a human...
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"Woman in self service till scenario:
'Item not scanned, please try again'
*Presses the help button*
Help comes, item scans.
Smart arse... they were understaffed. Now go stand in the corner "
 |
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By *ficouldMan
over a year ago
a quandary, could you change my mind? |
I only use them at the local very small convenience store and the staffing levels haven't changed at all.
The large supermarkets have used them to remove staff from the payroll!
I did laugh at the post OP.. |
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"I never use the self service tills.....ever!"
Nor do we. If any supermarket wants me to do their work and increase their profits they can pay me for doing so.
They are just removing people's jobs to increase their profits. I see the Post office has started this nonsense now. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I like them when I'm just grabbing bits and bobs. I always use all my coppers and shrapnel that's accumulated in my purse without the embarrassment of people seeing me then I'll pay the rest on my bank card! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ive just read how ........ thanks for that"
its a huge relief to me! little lad in sainsburys showed me how when he heard me telling it to fuck off and die a few weeks ago!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think I'm getting a bit OCD as I think about all the grubby hands that have used them and pressed the screen etc to weigh veg and other things, so I tend to go to the manned tills.
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"Ive just read how ........ thanks for thatits a huge relief to me! little lad in sainsburys showed me how when he heard me telling it to fuck off and die a few weeks ago! "
Pmsl the opening post and this made me literally laugh out loud in the middle of the pub. Jack. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I always use them... There's also this red flashing above the till, when a customer needs help... And a human arrives to help you!.... Just a little heads up OP  . |
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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago
Hereford |
"I always use them... There's also this red flashing above the till, when a customer needs help... And a human arrives to help you!.... Just a little heads up OP . "
Or to judge you because your shopping consists of:
48 Condoms (on twofor), lube, toothpaste, a single tin of dogfood, disposable razors, grapes and 4 cans of strong lager. |
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"I always use them... There's also this red flashing above the till, when a customer needs help... And a human arrives to help you!.... Just a little heads up OP .
Or to judge you because your shopping consists of:
48 Condoms (on twofor), lube, toothpaste, a single tin of dogfood, disposable razors, grapes and 4 cans of strong lager. "
This also made me laugh. So true. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I always use them... There's also this red flashing above the till, when a customer needs help... And a human arrives to help you!.... Just a little heads up OP .
Or to judge you because your shopping consists of:
48 Condoms (on twofor), lube, toothpaste, a single tin of dogfood, disposable razors, grapes and 4 cans of strong lager. "
I did a stint working in one, once upon a time... You'll be surprised at how little they care haha. They've seen a lot of odd things. As long as you're polite, they aren't bothered what you buy . |
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Local staff wages keep your area afloat. Self scanning machines arent contributing for your council to provide services.
Most jobs will be lost due to technology soon - fight it, as theres no plan to keep people with adequate income levels. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Next time you go shopping add various random things you don't want to your trolly, these have several uses.
Use 1, when the machine works well and does everything you want, just leave the trolly behind with the unwanted things in it. That way the employee that haven't used to serve you keeps their job by putting things back on the shelves.
use 2, when the machine plays up use the unwanted items on the scale of every empty machine in the area, setting off a cacophony of unrecognised item in bagging area and flashing red lights.
If use 2 didn't get the assistance you needed then use 3 is to take what you wanted to a human till while leaving the unwanted stuff to cause a melt down on the automatic checkouts. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Goes in Asda and quickly and efficiently selects trousers, jacket and tie required. Goes to self-service area (mentally noting how the number of human operated tills has decreased substantially).
Presses large button helpfully entitle 'Start'
Puts own bag in the bagging area.
UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA.
"Yes, there is. It's a bag..."
UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA.
"Yes, you said. It's my bag. I use my own"
UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA.
"Not this shit again..." "whatever..."
Removes bag and puts it between knees.
Scans tie.
Tie appears listed on screen.
UNABLE TO SCAN ITEM. PLEASE TRY AGAIN.
"It's on the list..."
UNABLE TO SCAN ITEM. PLEASE TRY AGAIN.
"Fuck sake! It's there, look!"
UNABLE TO SCAN ITEM. PLEASE TRY AGAIN.
Grits teeth.
Puts tie in bagging area to try and scan jacket.
UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA.
"For fuck sake!"
Removes tie and drapes it over arm, still balancing bag between knees.
Scans jacket.
Jacket appears beneath tie on the screen list.
UNABLE TO SCAN ITEM. PLEASE TRY AGAIN.
Places jacket in bagging area and looks around and scowls.
Patience slips away as options are considered...
UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA.
Slowly turns around back to machine with eyes like smouldering coals from Hell...
"Fuck you and your robot overlords you piece of crap!" proclaimed loudly and uncaring who hears.
Grabs all items and goes to queue for a human...
"
Looool.....best thing I ve read today |
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"Goes in Asda and quickly and efficiently selects trousers, jacket and tie required. Goes to self-service area (mentally noting how the number of human operated tills has decreased substantially).
Presses large button helpfully entitle 'Start'
Puts own bag in the bagging area.
UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA.
"Yes, there is. It's a bag..."
UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA.
"Yes, you said. It's my bag. I use my own"
UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA.
"Not this shit again..." "whatever..."
Removes bag and puts it between knees.
Scans tie.
Tie appears listed on screen.
UNABLE TO SCAN ITEM. PLEASE TRY AGAIN.
"It's on the list..."
UNABLE TO SCAN ITEM. PLEASE TRY AGAIN.
"Fuck sake! It's there, look!"
UNABLE TO SCAN ITEM. PLEASE TRY AGAIN.
Grits teeth.
Puts tie in bagging area to try and scan jacket.
UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA.
"For fuck sake!"
Removes tie and drapes it over arm, still balancing bag between knees.
Scans jacket.
Jacket appears beneath tie on the screen list.
UNABLE TO SCAN ITEM. PLEASE TRY AGAIN.
Places jacket in bagging area and looks around and scowls.
Patience slips away as options are considered...
UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA.
Slowly turns around back to machine with eyes like smouldering coals from Hell...
"Fuck you and your robot overlords you piece of crap!" proclaimed loudly and uncaring who hears.
Grabs all items and goes to queue for a human...
Looool.....best thing I ve read today "
Me too! |
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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
I used to work with the original models back in early 2000 they were huge and annoying and still required a member of staff
Personally they get rid of staff and you loose personal touch
A lot of train stations use them only  |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
Griff Rhys Jones did almost the same sketch a few years ago.
I don't use them but was forced to in the Co-Op in York. It took me longer than a sensible person should take to work out what to do. I had to put the items on one side of the scanner then I scanned the item and put it in my bag. The machine wouldn't let me scan the next one as the machine has to weigh each item in the bagging area and match the weight with the other side.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I hope you spoke back to the till in a loud voice..
Just be warned one day we may all be asking a robot if it fancies a fuck... "
knowing my luck, the robot would say not my type... |
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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago
Near Marlborough |
The ones in Waitrose are very polite and there's usually a human hovering ostensibly to keep everything running smoothly although I suspect there is a secret thing that alerts them every time I say I have picked 0 new bags and then try not to look guilty.
V x
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"The ones in Waitrose are very polite and there's usually a human hovering ostensibly to keep everything running smoothly although I suspect there is a secret thing that alerts them every time I say I have picked 0 new bags and then try not to look guilty.
V x
"
My Waitrose has just introduced them. I have avoided them and told them of my displeasure.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The ones in Waitrose are very polite and there's usually a human hovering ostensibly to keep everything running smoothly although I suspect there is a secret thing that alerts them every time I say I have picked 0 new bags and then try not to look guilty.
V x
"
I was excused of stealin a carrier bag from morrisions had to shop the guy my fuckin receipt. xxx |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"The ones in Waitrose are very polite and there's usually a human hovering ostensibly to keep everything running smoothly although I suspect there is a secret thing that alerts them every time I say I have picked 0 new bags and then try not to look guilty.
V x
"
The Morrisons self service tills are really loud. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
You do realise,of course,that self service tills are not really automated? There's someone kneeling in there controlling it.Have you never heard the stifled sniggering coming from within? |
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"Goes in Asda and quickly and efficiently selects trousers, jacket and tie required. Goes to self-service area (mentally noting how the number of human operated tills has decreased substantially).
Presses large button helpfully entitle 'Start'
Puts own bag in the bagging area.
UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA.
"Yes, there is. It's a bag..."
UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA.
"Yes, you said. It's my bag. I use my own"
UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA.
"Not this shit again..." "whatever..."
Removes bag and puts it between knees.
Scans tie.
Tie appears listed on screen.
UNABLE TO SCAN ITEM. PLEASE TRY AGAIN.
"It's on the list..."
UNABLE TO SCAN ITEM. PLEASE TRY AGAIN.
"Fuck sake! It's there, look!"
UNABLE TO SCAN ITEM. PLEASE TRY AGAIN.
Grits teeth.
Puts tie in bagging area to try and scan jacket.
UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA.
"For fuck sake!"
Removes tie and drapes it over arm, still balancing bag between knees.
Scans jacket.
Jacket appears beneath tie on the screen list.
UNABLE TO SCAN ITEM. PLEASE TRY AGAIN.
Places jacket in bagging area and looks around and scowls.
Patience slips away as options are considered...
UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA.
Slowly turns around back to machine with eyes like smouldering coals from Hell...
"Fuck you and your robot overlords you piece of crap!" proclaimed loudly and uncaring who hears.
Grabs all items and goes to queue for a human...
"
Been there!
Never use self service tills, swearing at a machine through gritted teeth is not good for my blood pressure so I queue for a human too! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I never use the self service tills.....ever!
Nor do we. If any supermarket wants me to do their work and increase their profits they can pay me for doing so.
They are just removing people's jobs to increase their profits. I see the Post office has started this nonsense now."
 and the banks. |
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