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Cucumber vagina
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you're not picky with the mess, I suggest 2-3 tomatoes, it feels even better!
A tomatoe? Give me credit  "
No because you suggested limes, which hurts like hell btw, so don't try it guys! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If you're not picky with the mess, I suggest 2-3 tomatoes, it feels even better!
A tomatoe? Give me credit
No because you suggested limes, which hurts like hell btw, so don't try it guys!"
Have you tried with your saxophone? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I knew a gentleman used to buy a whole uncut loaf from the baker whilst warm and carve out a hole in the crust - u could buy those warm in the over rolls couldn't you....he said it was fucking wonderful ....
His other one was buying a roast ... make a slit in that one ..... he said it was so real .... washed and cooked it ....
Anyway ... you don't want to hear my life stories...
Just two alternatives for you  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If you're not picky with the mess, I suggest 2-3 tomatoes, it feels even better!
A tomatoe? Give me credit
No because you suggested limes, which hurts like hell btw, so don't try it guys!
Have you tried with your saxophone? "
Reserved for my other kinks. |
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"my god. It seems to be true, then, that men WILL fuck anything?
Ehh... please dont put me in the same pot as these freaky fucks.. "
Sigh of relief. Freaky I can handle (usually) but not sure I'd go near a man who puts in the same category as a veg. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"my god. It seems to be true, then, that men WILL fuck anything?
Ehh... please dont put me in the same pot as these freaky fucks.. "
The classy, distinguished and sophicated man talked |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I knew a gentleman used to buy a whole uncut loaf from the baker whilst warm and carve out a hole in the crust - u could buy those warm in the over rolls couldn't you....he said it was fucking wonderful ....
His other one was buying a roast ... make a slit in that one ..... he said it was so real .... washed and cooked it ....
Anyway ... you don't want to hear my life stories...
Just two alternatives for you "
Hahahaha you are giving me idea |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Wow what an experience scooping the centre out...stick it under the mattress and hump...very realistic tightness and sound....."
Do you mean you are fucking the innards of cucumber? XXX |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"my god. It seems to be true, then, that men WILL fuck anything?
Ehh... please dont put me in the same pot as these freaky fucks..
The classy, distinguished and sophicated man talked "
I know right. Flipping vegists! Its 2016 stop shaming veg sex toys... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"my god. It seems to be true, then, that men WILL fuck anything?
Ehh... please dont put me in the same pot as these freaky fucks..
The classy, distinguished and sophicated man talked
I know right. Flipping vegists! Its 2016 stop shaming veg sex toys..."
Hell yeah ! Let us fuck vegs too goddammit |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"my god. It seems to be true, then, that men WILL fuck anything?
Ehh... please dont put me in the same pot as these freaky fucks..
The classy, distinguished and sophicated man talked
I know right. Flipping vegists! Its 2016 stop shaming veg sex toys...
Hell yeah ! Let us fuck vegs too goddammit "
My inbox is so going to be flooded with ladies messaging me after reading this, I might actually have to put some veggies in the freezer so they don't go bad  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"my god. It seems to be true, then, that men WILL fuck anything?
Ehh... please dont put me in the same pot as these freaky fucks..
The classy, distinguished and sophicated man talked
I know right. Flipping vegists! Its 2016 stop shaming veg sex toys...
Hell yeah ! Let us fuck vegs too goddammit
My inbox is so going to be flooded with ladies messaging me after reading this, I might actually have to put some veggies in the freezer so they don't go bad "
Go on tiger, do not forget some buenos, as they might get hungry after scooping your vegs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I knew a gentleman used to buy a whole uncut loaf from the baker whilst warm and carve out a hole in the crust - u could buy those warm in the over rolls couldn't you....he said it was fucking wonderful ....
His other one was buying a roast ... make a slit in that one ..... he said it was so real .... washed and cooked it ....
Anyway ... you don't want to hear my life stories...
Just two alternatives for you
Hahahaha you are giving me idea "
Well enjoy ... I actually can see the reason behind his choices as the textures would be similar .....
If u made a bowl of marshmallow .... wouldn't that be kool ... or a big bowl of rocky road .... mmmm giggle |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I knew a gentleman used to buy a whole uncut loaf from the baker whilst warm and carve out a hole in the crust - u could buy those warm in the over rolls couldn't you....he said it was fucking wonderful ....
His other one was buying a roast ... make a slit in that one ..... he said it was so real .... washed and cooked it ....
Anyway ... you don't want to hear my life stories...
Just two alternatives for you
Hahahaha you are giving me idea
Well enjoy ... I actually can see the reason behind his choices as the textures would be similar .....
If u made a bowl of marshmallow .... wouldn't that be kool ... or a big bowl of rocky road .... mmmm giggle "
I need a helping hand just saying |
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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago
Shrewsbury |
"Wow what an experience scooping the centre out...stick it under the mattress and hump...very realistic tightness and sound....."
Cucumber are not really known for thier girth, a marrow on the other hand |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I knew a gentleman used to buy a whole uncut loaf from the baker whilst warm and carve out a hole in the crust - u could buy those warm in the over rolls couldn't you....he said it was fucking wonderful ....
His other one was buying a roast ... make a slit in that one ..... he said it was so real .... washed and cooked it ....
Anyway ... you don't want to hear my life stories...
Just two alternatives for you
Hahahaha you are giving me idea
Well enjoy ... I actually can see the reason behind his choices as the textures would be similar .....
If u made a bowl of marshmallow .... wouldn't that be kool ... or a big bowl of rocky road .... mmmm giggle
I need a helping hand just saying "
Of course |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Wow what an experience scooping the centre out...stick it under the mattress and hump...very realistic tightness and sound.....
Cucumber are not really known for thier girth, a marrow on the other hand "
What about watermelon or mango?
Hell of a way to test if an avocado is ripe |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"what happens in vegs stays in vegs, eh? 
As usual ....
Perfect ....
Should they watch SPORT to relax beforehand .... mmmmm "
see what you did there.. I never reveal my methods lol x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Wow what an experience scooping the centre out...stick it under the mattress and hump...very realistic tightness and sound.....
Cucumber are not really known for thier girth, a marrow on the other hand
What about watermelon or mango?
Hell of a way to test if an avocado is ripe "
don't mention watermelon they get me to the edge everytime ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We love our food a little too much, what can I say
Maybe you shuck fuck a bueno?
don't go too far into the joke, bueno are a sacred thing to me "
I apologise mr.bearded  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We love our food a little too much, what can I say
Maybe you shuck fuck a bueno?
don't go too far into the joke, bueno are a sacred thing to me
I apologise mr.bearded "
Haha you call me Lorenzo Lamas |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We love our food a little too much, what can I say
Maybe you shuck fuck a bueno?
don't go too far into the joke, bueno are a sacred thing to me
I apologise mr.bearded
Haha you call me Lorenzo Lamas "
were you in falcon crest |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We love our food a little too much, what can I say
Maybe you shuck fuck a bueno?
don't go too far into the joke, bueno are a sacred thing to me
I apologise mr.bearded
Haha you call me Lorenzo Lamas
were you in falcon crest"
And the renegade |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We love our food a little too much, what can I say
Maybe you shuck fuck a bueno?
don't go too far into the joke, bueno are a sacred thing to me
I apologise mr.bearded
Haha you call me Lorenzo Lamas
were you in falcon crest
And the renegade "
hes not as handsome as you my good man |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We love our food a little too much, what can I say
Maybe you shuck fuck a bueno?
don't go too far into the joke, bueno are a sacred thing to me
I apologise mr.bearded
Haha you call me Lorenzo Lamas
were you in falcon crest
And the renegade
hes not as handsome as you my good man"
You are making me blush now  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Wow what an experience scooping the centre out...stick it under the mattress and hump...very realistic tightness and sound.....
Do you mean you are fucking the innards of cucumber? XXX"
Yeah I suppose so!... livened up a wet Saturday afternoon... just wondering if it's reusable |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Wow what an experience scooping the centre out...stick it under the mattress and hump...very realistic tightness and sound.....
Do you mean you are fucking the innards of cucumber? XXX
Yeah I suppose so!... livened up a wet Saturday afternoon... just wondering if it's reusable "
Well the cucumber I put up my pussy wasn't reuseable, hope that helps XXX |
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"Wow what an experience scooping the centre out...stick it under the mattress and hump...very realistic tightness and sound....."
But they're not terribly wide are they?
If a chap was girthy he wouldn't fit in! X |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Wow what an experience scooping the centre out...stick it under the mattress and hump...very realistic tightness and sound.....
But they're not terribly wide are they?
If a chap was girthy he wouldn't fit in! X"
It was a wide one |
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"Wow what an experience scooping the centre out...stick it under the mattress and hump...very realistic tightness and sound.....
But they're not terribly wide are they?
If a chap was girthy he wouldn't fit in! X
It was a wide one "
Bet that's what they all say! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Wow what an experience scooping the centre out...stick it under the mattress and hump...very realistic tightness and sound.....
But they're not terribly wide are they?
If a chap was girthy he wouldn't fit in! X
It was a wide one
Bet that's what they all say! "
lol go check my girth |
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By *evaquitCouple
over a year ago
Catthorpe |
"Wow what an experience scooping the centre out...stick it under the mattress and hump...very realistic tightness and sound.....
How can you feel it if it is under the mattress?
Sally"
That's what I thought but then the penny dropped. He's using the matress to keep the cucumber sturdy and at the right angle between the matress and the bed frame, Bob's your uncle or rather he's finding out how's ya father (gthe cucumbers). He's replacing the seeds at least, credit where credit's due. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Wow what an experience scooping the centre out...stick it under the mattress and hump...very realistic tightness and sound.....
Cucumber are not really known for thier girth, a marrow on the other hand
What about watermelon or mango?
Hell of a way to test if an avocado is ripe
don't mention watermelon they get me to the edge everytime !"
Hahahaha |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A cucumber? Really? lol I must be shopping in the wrong places as mine are always rather slim.  guessing girth isn't your forte? "
I was thinking the same!
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A cucumber? Really? lol I must be shopping in the wrong places as mine are always rather slim. guessing girth isn't your forte?
I was thinking the same!
"
could've been a small marrow. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"A cucumber? Really? lol I must be shopping in the wrong places as mine are always rather slim. guessing girth isn't your forte?
I was thinking the same!
could've been a small marrow. "
lol no was a wife cucumber....kept the plastic wrapper on too...sort of bonded it together! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Wow what an experience scooping the centre out...stick it under the mattress and hump...very realistic tightness and sound.....
How can you feel it if it is under the mattress?
Sally"
I was wondering same thing. Maybe it's a man thing marie x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If women can put veg in themselves, then men can put themselves in veg. Makes a change from a hand. "
I guess its cheaper than a fleshlight or a vagankle |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If women can put veg in themselves, then men can put themselves in veg. Makes a change from a hand.
I guess its cheaper than a fleshlight or a vagankle "
make 10 holes in a vegetable and you could have a greedy turnip night.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear whatever next?
How about you peel a banana, warm it in a microwave it for exactly 7 seconds and wrap the banana peel around your cock, close your eyes and pretend it's a woman?
Just an alternative thought OP |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear whatever next?
How about you peel a banana, warm it in a microwave it for exactly 7 seconds and wrap the banana peel around your cock, close your eyes and pretend it's a woman?
Just an alternative thought OP "
don't be giving them ideas |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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knew a woman who liked to peel a pear , insert it in her vagina for a couple of hours to marinate in her juices and then serve it with ice cream to selected unsuspecting guests as dessert after a dinner party (kinky bitch she was ) |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear whatever next?
How about you peel a banana, warm it in a microwave it for exactly 7 seconds and wrap the banana peel around your cock, close your eyes and pretend it's a woman?
Just an alternative thought OP
don't be giving them ideas "
Loving all the new ideas |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"knew a woman who liked to peel a pear , insert it in her vagina for a couple of hours to marinate in her juices and then serve it with ice cream to selected unsuspecting guests as dessert after a dinner party (kinky bitch she was ) "
unsuspecting |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear whatever next?
How about you peel a banana, warm it in a microwave it for exactly 7 seconds and wrap the banana peel around your cock, close your eyes and pretend it's a woman?
Just an alternative thought OP
don't be giving them ideas
Loving all the new ideas "
if your ever thinking of marketing it you might think about vagumber cucock or cockumber |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Wow what an experience scooping the centre out...stick it under the mattress and hump...very realistic tightness and sound....."
remind me not to come around yours for a salad |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If women can put veg in themselves, then men can put themselves in veg. Makes a change from a hand. "
Oh brilliant comment!
However I've never been tempted to insert fruit or veg into my vagina, I've got sexy toys that are made for that purpose!
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If you Google home made sex toys for men, water melon seems to be a popular 1 x"
Buy yourself a rock melon or honeydew melon. Cut a round hole in one end a bit smaller than your dick. Scoop out a little of the inside but not too much, remember, you're making sex toys not digging ditches.
Step 2: Nuke it good
Heat the melon in a microwave (be careful!) and squirt in some baby oil or KY jelly.
Step 3: Ahhhhh!
A little bonus to add to the honeydew/cantaloupe procedure: On the opposite side of the melon from where your penis enters it, make a small hole with a skewer or small knife, no bigger than a pencil eraser, but reaching all the way in to the "vagina." Wrap your hand around the melon after you insert your erection and put your finger over the hole on the outstroke. Remove your finger on the in-stroke, replace it over the hole on the outstroke. Feels like a mouth going down on your cock, then sucking on it as it draws back. A very nice substitute for a blow job!
Add a wig and googly eyes for that realistic lol |
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"If you Google home made sex toys for men, water melon seems to be a popular 1 x
Buy yourself a rock melon or honeydew melon. Cut a round hole in one end a bit smaller than your dick. Scoop out a little of the inside but not too much, remember, you're making sex toys not digging ditches.
Step 2: Nuke it good
Heat the melon in a microwave (be careful!) and squirt in some baby oil or KY jelly.
Step 3: Ahhhhh!
A little bonus to add to the honeydew/cantaloupe procedure: On the opposite side of the melon from where your penis enters it, make a small hole with a skewer or small knife, no bigger than a pencil eraser, but reaching all the way in to the "vagina." Wrap your hand around the melon after you insert your erection and put your finger over the hole on the outstroke. Remove your finger on the in-stroke, replace it over the hole on the outstroke. Feels like a mouth going down on your cock, then sucking on it as it draws back. A very nice substitute for a blow job!
Add a wig and googly eyes for that realistic lol "
Get a stool dress it up with suspenders and stocking with hold up place your melon on it and Bob your uncle
Easy
We been shelved now  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If you Google home made sex toys for men, water melon seems to be a popular 1 x
Buy yourself a rock melon or honeydew melon. Cut a round hole in one end a bit smaller than your dick. Scoop out a little of the inside but not too much, remember, you're making sex toys not digging ditches.
Step 2: Nuke it good
Heat the melon in a microwave (be careful!) and squirt in some baby oil or KY jelly.
Step 3: Ahhhhh!
A little bonus to add to the honeydew/cantaloupe procedure: On the opposite side of the melon from where your penis enters it, make a small hole with a skewer or small knife, no bigger than a pencil eraser, but reaching all the way in to the "vagina." Wrap your hand around the melon after you insert your erection and put your finger over the hole on the outstroke. Remove your finger on the in-stroke, replace it over the hole on the outstroke. Feels like a mouth going down on your cock, then sucking on it as it draws back. A very nice substitute for a blow job!
Add a wig and googly eyes for that realistic lol
Get a stool dress it up with suspenders and stocking with hold up place your melon on it and Bob your uncle
Easy
We been shelved now "
Can just next weeks jeremey kyle..
Is he having an affair with the melon? Lie detector..
It's me or the melon?
My husband is addicted to the melons, he needs re-hab ..
Xx
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"Wow what an experience scooping the centre out...stick it under the mattress and hump...very realistic tightness and sound.....
Cucumber are not really known for thier girth, a marrow on the other hand "
But the thinner, smaller guys only need a cucumber, courgette or pea pod. |
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