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Having a problem ....
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I've joined fab recently.
All my adult life I've been a monogomist. Never cheated on my partners. Got cheated on numerous times. Since being on fab and knowing you can have as many partners as possible/wanted it's intriguing. But I am struggling with the monogomist part of me that is saying it's wrong. I need to rewire the way I am thinking. Right ?? Any advice greatly appreciated. |
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"I've joined fab recently.
All my adult life I've been a monogomist. Never cheated on my partners. Got cheated on numerous times. Since being on fab and knowing you can have as many partners as possible/wanted it's intriguing. But I am struggling with the monogomist part of me that is saying it's wrong. I need to rewire the way I am thinking. Right ?? Any advice greatly appreciated. "
Monogamy is about being honest, respectful, and loving. It's about love and relationships not sex and erotic fun.
Since we've been swinging, we have both had sex with loads of people, but we've never cheated on each other. Instead, we have shared fun, sexy, erotic experiences with other people... together.
Cal |
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"Been burnt bad.
Don't want relationships. Don't want to date. Still need sex. "
You just need to remember that the people you are meeting are not "partners", just acquaintances sharing your sexual experiences for mutual pleasure.
Cal |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You say your intrigued,your on here which is the first step taken. next step is choosing the right person for you and relaxing not thinking too much into it its fun a erotic experience pleasure totally different from a partner where many feelings are felt id advice try it and you yourself will decide  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You say your intrigued,your on here which is the first step taken. next step is choosing the right person for you and relaxing not thinking too much into it its fun a erotic experience pleasure totally different from a partner where many feelings are felt id advice try it and you yourself will decide "
Finding the right person to share amazing sex is not easy
To a certain degree you have to have an emotional connection with the person
But it stops as soon as they leave
I get that |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Been burnt bad.
Don't want relationships. Don't want to date. Still need sex.
You just need to remember that the people you are meeting are not "partners", just acquaintances sharing your sexual experiences for mutual pleasure.
I understand that
My problem is having 1-2 guys maybe
Being with one then next week being with a different guy
Cal"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well looking at your profile you will have no shortage of offers.
Just take your time and do what feels right and comfortable, doing this is all about your fun so make sure that's what it is. Good luck x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Well looking at your profile you will have no shortage of offers.
Just take your time and do what feels right and comfortable, doing this is all about your fun so make sure that's what it is. Good luck x"
I've had plenty of offers .
Problem is my monogamous part of me stopping me from going ahead |
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If we're going against years of cultural indoctrination that somehow forces us to believe in the fairytale monogamous marriage, with periods where sex itself was A taboo part of life, then it's understandable that we get internal conflicts when we want all the cookies.
My advice is to take small steps at your own pace and with partners who will treat you with absolute respect - so there's no unspoken support of that sort of casual sex equals bad rule.
We often change our beliefs incrementally, by having experiences that gnaw away at their foundations, letting them collapse of their own accord.
Taking committed decisions to do something with 100% is also a great way to get things to alter on the inside.
There's also our emotional self that's possibly exposed by this. I'd recommend spending time with friends who can spend time with you, where you can discuss how you are and get any support you may benefit from too.
Some good answers already here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well looking at your profile you will have no shortage of offers.
Just take your time and do what feels right and comfortable, doing this is all about your fun so make sure that's what it is. Good luck x
I've had plenty of offers .
Problem is my monogamous part of me stopping me from going ahead "
I have a friend on here who feels the same, I understand the dilemma as she struggles with it too.
I don't have an answer, just try your best not to do anything you will regret. Go into it sure it is what you want. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If we're going against years of cultural indoctrination that somehow forces us to believe in the fairytale monogamous marriage, with periods where sex itself was A taboo part of life, then it's understandable that we get internal conflicts when we want all the cookies.
My advice is to take small steps at your own pace and with partners who will treat you with absolute respect - so there's no unspoken support of that sort of casual sex equals bad rule.
We often change our beliefs incrementally, by having experiences that gnaw away at their foundations, letting them collapse of their own accord.
Taking committed decisions to do something with 100% is also a great way to get things to alter on the inside.
There's also our emotional self that's possibly exposed by this. I'd recommend spending time with friends who can spend time with you, where you can discuss how you are and get any support you may benefit from too.
Some good answers already here. "
That's a very good way of putting it.
I have great friend supporting me and an amazing experienced "mentor" from fab. Just been dealing with this issue. I know I will get there. Thank you for your advice. |
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"
I understand that
My problem is having 1-2 guys maybe
Being with one then next week being with a different guy."
The problem with regular meets with the same people, is that it would be easier to start developing feelings. Igniting that fire which may burn you.
Personally if I was you, I would either go to a club where you'll meet different people each time... or look for new guys each time you want a meet.
But then it's what you want that matters, not what I think. You will certainly not be short of offers however you decide you want to play, AND if you have any fantasies you want to fulfill this is the place to do it.
Cal |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You say your intrigued,your on here which is the first step taken. next step is choosing the right person for you and relaxing not thinking too much into it its fun a erotic experience pleasure totally different from a partner where many feelings are felt id advice try it and you yourself will decide
Im sure you could have most men on here and women It seems your battle is with your self your morals built up over years.its about letting that go if its just sex you need treat it as that. yes there are emotions involved but some you need just to turn off
Finding the right person to share amazing sex is not easy
To a certain degree you have to have an emotional connection with the person
But it stops as soon as they leave
I get that "
 |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Well looking at your profile you will have no shortage of offers.
Just take your time and do what feels right and comfortable, doing this is all about your fun so make sure that's what it is. Good luck x
I've had plenty of offers .
Problem is my monogamous part of me stopping me from going ahead
I have a friend on here who feels the same, I understand the dilemma as she struggles with it too.
I don't have an answer, just try your best not to do anything you will regret. Go into it sure it is what you want. "
Having respect for yourself
Having morals
And standards is a must
The partner or partners you choose to be the same
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May I suggest a few socials? You might start by going along to events organised and hosted by others and, later, maybe offer to host an event or two yourself with a friend and then alone. All the while your experience is increasing and you're meeting people and getting to know them in a no pressure setting. Enjoy taking your time and being in control of it.
 |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"May I suggest a few socials? You might start by going along to events organised and hosted by others and, later, maybe offer to host an event or two yourself with a friend and then alone. All the while your experience is increasing and you're meeting people and getting to know them in a no pressure setting. Enjoy taking your time and being in control of it.
"
I would like to go to an event
None near me
Might go to a dublin event hopefully once I get my confidence levels up
Thank you |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I totally get you and I felt the same. I'm only sad to say there is only 1 cure and that moving to Manchester   "
Think if I was to ever move it would be to Dublin.
Thanks anyway |
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I had similar feelings, not that I couldn't be non-monogamous, but that it wasn't 'nice' to sleep around. So I decided I wanted only one or two guys and that would sort me.
Unfortunately Fab is full of men sending offers but still shy on enough quality men. Within about 9 months I met a guy and saw him for 18 months.
After I dumped him I then kept bemoaning, to a female Fab friend, how there were no men wanting regular. She said stop looking for it and just have fun, you're doing no one any harm.
I finally got over myself, stopped worrying if it would become regular and have a few regular friends now 
And then guys from ages ago still come back  |
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"I totally get you and I felt the same. I'm only sad to say there is only 1 cure and that moving to Manchester
Think if I was to ever move it would be to Dublin.
Thanks anyway "
Damn. Oh well can't blame a guy for trying. Slinks back to his corner  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd say not to overthink your time on here. This is one of the upsides about not dating or being in a relationship.
My views on monogamy have changed massively since joining. It's been a bit of a journey. Like Kinky said, have fun and see where it goes...
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've joined fab recently.
All my adult life I've been a monogomist. Never cheated on my partners. Got cheated on numerous times. Since being on fab and knowing you can have as many partners as possible/wanted it's intriguing. But I am struggling with the monogomist part of me that is saying it's wrong. I need to rewire the way I am thinking. Right ?? Any advice greatly appreciated. "
people do actually meet on here date/marry...best advice just be YOU x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I totally get you and I felt the same. I'm only sad to say there is only 1 cure and that moving to Manchester
Think if I was to ever move it would be to Dublin.
Thanks anyway
Damn. Oh well can't blame a guy for trying. Slinks back to his corner "
Awk don't be sad ... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've joined fab recently.
All my adult life I've been a monogomist. Never cheated on my partners. Got cheated on numerous times. Since being on fab and knowing you can have as many partners as possible/wanted it's intriguing. But I am struggling with the monogomist part of me that is saying it's wrong. I need to rewire the way I am thinking. Right ?? Any advice greatly appreciated.
people do actually meet on here date/marry...best advice just be YOU x"
Been married
Got the divorce and scars to prove
I am okay in that department for the next 90 years thank you
Unless Brad Pitt proposes since he is single and all ... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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On a side note I visited Donogal during the summer and there are more sheep than people.....
But I did have the best crab , welks and some other shellfish in my lifetime.
Good luck Op |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've joined fab recently.
All my adult life I've been a monogomist. Never cheated on my partners. Got cheated on numerous times. Since being on fab and knowing you can have as many partners as possible/wanted it's intriguing. But I am struggling with the monogomist part of me that is saying it's wrong. I need to rewire the way I am thinking. Right ?? Any advice greatly appreciated.
people do actually meet on here date/marry...best advice just be YOU x
Been married
Got the divorce and scars to prove
I am okay in that department for the next 90 years thank you
Unless Brad Pitt proposes since he is single and all ... "
I look like a young Brad Pitt after about 15 pints  |
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