FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Is fab safe?
Is fab safe?
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Like anything, it depends on how people use it and the precautions that individuals take when meeting. But the news is currently busy with stories of rapes and murders of men and women committed with the help of internet dating websites. Are fabsters too aware to be at risk? I worry that there are some very vulnerable people on this site. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Probably as safe as any online setup. The key thing is being safe. Meet in a public place. Have people know where you are and that will check in on you.
If it seems unsafe don't take chances."
This.  |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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Some are, some aren't. It's freedom of choice to meet with you want, how you want. What is perceived vulnerability might be far safer than you are aware but just not broadcast. There's a range of steps to take to ensure safety but if you wanted to be really careful, you'd limit yourself to clubs and never meet outside of one. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Like anything, it depends on how people use it and the precautions that individuals take when meeting. But the news is currently busy with stories of rapes and murders of men and women committed with the help of internet dating websites. Are fabsters too aware to be at risk? I worry that there are some very vulnerable people on this site."
I am sure that most are quite able to take care of themselves.
Fancy a meet down the alley? |
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Hate to say it, but I do think there's a need for fab to make explicit warnings and give advice about how to be safe - unless I'm totally missing it. I know it runs against the free-thinking each-to-their own ethos of swinging. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"Hate to say it, but I do think there's a need for fab to make explicit warnings and give advice about how to be safe - unless I'm totally missing it. I know it runs against the free-thinking each-to-their own ethos of swinging."
Why should fab have to produce explicit warnings? If you're old enough to fuck someone you meet through here, you should know how to be safe. It's up to people to judge what their particular brand of safe is. |
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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
"Hate to say it, but I do think there's a need for fab to make explicit warnings and give advice about how to be safe - unless I'm totally missing it. I know it runs against the free-thinking each-to-their own ethos of swinging."
Fab already does give advise on how to stay safe, it's just that people don't read the FAQs that are offered.
What else do you expect fab to do? |
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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"Hate to say it, but I do think there's a need for fab to make explicit warnings and give advice about how to be safe - unless I'm totally missing it. I know it runs against the free-thinking each-to-their own ethos of swinging."
its called common sense. if people dont use it, they learn to..
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"Hate to say it, but I do think there's a need for fab to make explicit warnings and give advice about how to be safe - unless I'm totally missing it. I know it runs against the free-thinking each-to-their own ethos of swinging.
Why should fab have to produce explicit warnings? If you're old enough to fuck someone you meet through here, you should know how to be safe. It's up to people to judge what their particular brand of safe is. "
This. I totally agree with this.
A website cannot be to blame for the actions of a person.
Next we'll be blaming Facebook when the house gets robbed when we posted pictures of the expensive Christmas presents up then a status saying away for the weekend. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't think it's inherently any less safe than going home with someone from a club, for example.
There probably are vulnerable people on here, but I don't think it's the site's responsibility to police everyone's capability to make sensible decisions for themselves, even if that were possible. It does give guidance about, for example, meeting in a public place and being careful about what personal information you give out. What more do you expect them to do?
Make your own safety rules and stick to them. |
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Because its not always about age. People of any age believe they've won the Nigerian lottery only to find that the bank account details that they emailed have been used to clear out their account. Youve obviously got all your eggs in one basket, but not everybody is as emotionally stable or mature. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Because its not always about age. People of any age believe they've won the Nigerian lottery only to find that the bank account details that they emailed have been used to clear out their account. Youve obviously got all your eggs in one basket, but not everybody is as emotionally stable or mature."
But how would the site police that? I agree there are people who I think are incredibly misinformed in being here, it's not my place or the site's place to make that call though. |
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".. the news is currently busy with stories of rapes and murders of men and women committed with the help of internet dating websites. Are fabsters too aware to be at risk? "
Statistically, if you drive to a meet, you are more likely to be killed getting there than being there.
It's just a question of recognising risks, minimising them and being sensible.
Mr ddc |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hate to say it, but I do think there's a need for fab to make explicit warnings and give advice about how to be safe - unless I'm totally missing it. I know it runs against the free-thinking each-to-their own ethos of swinging."
They do. It's somewhere on the site think it's called tips on meeting. I remember reading it when I joined. Xxx |
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Of course the risk is always present, you just have to try your best to ensure the person your chatting to is genuine and I always say it's insane to meet after a couple of messages. Good idea is to couple up, it's hard if not impossible to tell someone you know from outside the swinging world your meeting a stranger for sex coz your a swinger so connect with a buddie on here. Tell then who your meeting, where and when so if you disappear at least someone knows something. Truth is you can't be completely safe, just isn't possible in this day and age x good luck |
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"Hate to say it, but I do think there's a need for fab to make explicit warnings and give advice about how to be safe - unless I'm totally missing it. I know it runs against the free-thinking each-to-their own ethos of swinging."
and they do, its in faqs. Have you read what it says? What more would you like them to add
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Fab is as safe as meeting someone new in a pub/club and going home with them.Yes there will always be that someone who intends to cause harm weather that be through this or out in normal street life.
Not sure Fab can make it any safer to be honest. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There are always risks..the anonymity and physical separation allowable by the Internet means that your judgement isn't based on the same parameters as meeting someone face to face...
There are always steps to make sure you increase your chances of staying safe, but the nature of this lifestyle is that many are hiding what they are doing, increasing the risks.
All good advice above. I would add always go with your gut instinct and be prepared to walk if something doesn't feel right. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hate to say it, but I do think there's a need for fab to make explicit warnings and give advice about how to be safe - unless I'm totally missing it. I know it runs against the free-thinking each-to-their own ethos of swinging.and they do, its in faqs. Have you read what it says? What more would you like them to add"
Are the FAQ's available from the mobile site? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Charlie says, always tell a responsible adult before you go off anywhere..
I remember several years ago now putting forward the idea of a 'swing buddy' scheme (run through the forums much like a 'fancy you thread') - someone who you get on with socially (not necessarily sexually) who knows the lifestyle and knows where you are when out on a meet (and vice versa).
Because, unlike Charlie, most people can't tell their mums).
It was just an idea, but I thought it had legs.... |
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"Because its not always about age. People of any age believe they've won the Nigerian lottery only to find that the bank account details that they emailed have been used to clear out their account. Youve obviously got all your eggs in one basket, but not everybody is as emotionally stable or mature.
But how would the site police that? I agree there are people who I think are incredibly misinformed in being here, it's not my place or the site's place to make that call though. "
It's not about asking the site to police it (I think?) but just to have info posted around the site about safety when meeting. Not just in the FAQ. Maybe a banner at the top of the site?
I think it's a good idea. Some people really are genuinely clueless. For a variety of reasons. |
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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
"Hate to say it, but I do think there's a need for fab to make explicit warnings and give advice about how to be safe - unless I'm totally missing it. I know it runs against the free-thinking each-to-their own ethos of swinging.and they do, its in faqs. Have you read what it says? What more would you like them to add
Are the FAQ's available from the mobile site? "
Yes they are |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hate to say it, but I do think there's a need for fab to make explicit warnings and give advice about how to be safe - unless I'm totally missing it. I know it runs against the free-thinking each-to-their own ethos of swinging.and they do, its in faqs. Have you read what it says? What more would you like them to add
Are the FAQ's available from the mobile site?
Yes they are "
At the bottom of each page.  xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hate to say it, but I do think there's a need for fab to make explicit warnings and give advice about how to be safe - unless I'm totally missing it. I know it runs against the free-thinking each-to-their own ethos of swinging.and they do, its in faqs. Have you read what it says? What more would you like them to add
Are the FAQ's available from the mobile site?
Yes they are
At the bottom of each page. xxx"
Oh yeah! Definitely "check the small print" not exactly explicit. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hate to say it, but I do think there's a need for fab to make explicit warnings and give advice about how to be safe - unless I'm totally missing it. I know it runs against the free-thinking each-to-their own ethos of swinging.and they do, its in faqs. Have you read what it says? What more would you like them to add
Are the FAQ's available from the mobile site?
Yes they are
At the bottom of each page. xxx
Oh yeah! Definitely "check the small print" not exactly explicit. "
If I remember rightly you are pointed towards them when you join. Xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No matter where you meet someone there's always a risk there going to be a nutter.
I have met a m/f couple on here and at first it was a social and that gauged we were all safe and could trust each other.We then got to play and now there's that much trust there he drops her off at my door and he goes and visits his mom while me and her spend a couple of hours in bed.
It's all about those first steps and not putting yourself in a vunrable position in the first place. |
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People will always do things their own way
I think im very strict with my checks but im sure if someone wanted to rape or murder me they are not going to advertize it.
If my gut instinct kicks in for whatever reason i dont meet.
I cover myself as much as i can |
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I dunno. Lots of different opinions. I see the tips on keeping safe. But they're hardly explicit. If a banner at the top/bottom of the page reminds one single person to hesitate before meeting to make a final check that ultimately saves them getting abused, then its done its job. Life is a risk and everyone of course has the right of free choice. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I feel like I've seen it recently, so I'm pretty sure it's flagged up when you open a new profile. It's all completely obvious, basic common sense stuff anyway. |
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"People will always do things their own way
I think im very strict with my checks but im sure if someone wanted to rape or murder me they are not going to advertize it.
If my gut instinct kicks in for whatever reason i dont meet.
I cover myself as much as i can"
I don't. I take my clothes off as soon as possible. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Is it the responsibility of the site to try to provide a multitude of safeguarding features, or should it be the users who use common sense and a bit of research?
I don't want that to sound harsh, but I think a balance should be struck and ultimately it should defer to the individual, their risk appetite and their common sense.
Because at the end of the day, if it smells funny, you don't have to eat it!
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By *ficouldMan
over a year ago
a quandary, could you change my mind? |
"The verification system makes it feel pretty safe to me "
But does it really work?
We all have to take reasonable steps to stay safe, most on here are adults and we make our own choices of what we want to do. |
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"People will always do things their own way
I think im very strict with my checks but im sure if someone wanted to rape or murder me they are not going to advertize it.
If my gut instinct kicks in for whatever reason i dont meet.
I cover myself as much as i can
I don't. I take my clothes off as soon as possible. "
or sooner |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've got a warning written on my profile to my stalker who keeps creating fake profiles, fakes pics, kik and whatsapp to meet me. He came 3 times to my place becauseof this. I've told him loads of times to F.O but yet after a few weeks he'll try again thinking that I have forgotten about it. A proper weirdo. Now I've bought myself a big baseball bat and I'll make sure that I'll chase him downstairs and showed him the true meaning of F.O
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"I've got a warning written on my profile to my stalker who keeps creating fake profiles, fakes pics, kik and whatsapp to meet me. He came 3 times to my place becauseof this. I've told him loads of times to F.O but yet after a few weeks he'll try again thinking that I have forgotten about it. A proper weirdo. Now I've bought myself a big baseball bat and I'll make sure that I'll chase him downstairs and showed him the true meaning of F.O
"
And therein lies one of the issues...even if we take every precaution to safeguard ourselves, there are always going to be others who feel they can invade our privacy etc |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I dunno. Lots of different opinions. I see the tips on keeping safe. But they're hardly explicit. If a banner at the top/bottom of the page reminds one single person to hesitate before meeting to make a final check that ultimately saves them getting abused, then its done its job. Life is a risk and everyone of course has the right of free choice. "
How would explicit rules help, how could they be enforced and by whom. What good would a banner do to make a person safer? If there are people on here with malicious intent its not as tho they are going to advertise the fact in advance is it?
I agree with the Professor, the buddy system is a simple way to take what steps you can to ensure your safety and as a single woman whose preference is for one to one meets it is one I have adopted. It does not offer 100% safety but its the best I can do if I want to continue this lifestyle.
We are all responsible for our own wellbeing and sexual health, I would not rely on anyone else to take responsibility for either. |
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the site gives you the tools to facilitate a meet etc, the rest is down to the individual/couple..
experience in life, gut feeling and common sense are some of the tings we bring together with the above..
warnings, guidelines will not work if people do not apply a bit of savvy too..
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not heard of anyone getting murdered, raped or maimed through meeting online to fuck recently. Plenty of other horror stories but nothing about online - online seems pretty safe!"
Well apart from this dude http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-38045742 |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
"Not heard of anyone getting murdered, raped or maimed through meeting online to fuck recently. Plenty of other horror stories but nothing about online - online seems pretty safe!
Well apart from this dude http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-38045742"
Well, apart from that perhaps. I don't like keeping up with the gory side of life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not heard of anyone getting murdered, raped or maimed through meeting online to fuck recently. Plenty of other horror stories but nothing about online - online seems pretty safe!
Well apart from this dude http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-38045742
Well, apart from that perhaps. I don't like keeping up with the gory side of life. "
I hadn't seen anything about it till yesterday. Can't help feeling if it wasn't gay men being murdered the case might have got more attention  |
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"Hate to say it, but I do think there's a need for fab to make explicit warnings and give advice about how to be safe - unless I'm totally missing it. I know it runs against the free-thinking each-to-their own ethos of swinging."
Really?!! Do you honestly think a "warning" will prevent people meeting?!! |
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"Hate to say it, but I do think there's a need for fab to make explicit warnings and give advice about how to be safe - unless I'm totally missing it. I know it runs against the free-thinking each-to-their own ethos of swinging.
Why should fab have to produce explicit warnings? If you're old enough to fuck someone you meet through here, you should know how to be safe. It's up to people to judge what their particular brand of safe is. "
Exactly!!! I despair!  |
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"Hate to say it, but I do think there's a need for fab to make explicit warnings and give advice about how to be safe - unless I'm totally missing it. I know it runs against the free-thinking each-to-their own ethos of swinging.
Why should fab have to produce explicit warnings? If you're old enough to fuck someone you meet through here, you should know how to be safe. It's up to people to judge what their particular brand of safe is.
This. I totally agree with this.
A website cannot be to blame for the actions of a person.
Next we'll be blaming Facebook when the house gets robbed when we posted pictures of the expensive Christmas presents up then a status saying away for the weekend."
 for real! |
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"Not heard of anyone getting murdered, raped or maimed through meeting online to fuck recently. Plenty of other horror stories but nothing about online - online seems pretty safe!
Well apart from this dude http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-38045742
Well, apart from that perhaps. I don't like keeping up with the gory side of life. "
there was also a woman murdered at christmas on her first date from pof |
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"The verification system makes it feel pretty safe to me
But does it really work?
We all have to take reasonable steps to stay safe, most on here are adults and we make our own choices of what we want to do. "
Personally, the thought of meeting a total stranger for sex on the say so of another total stranger is ludicrous to me. I think some people suspend common sense and omit due diligence because fannybygaslight22 said bigballsofire69 had a cock to die for! |
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"Not heard of anyone getting murdered, raped or maimed through meeting online to fuck recently. Plenty of other horror stories but nothing about online - online seems pretty safe!
Well apart from this dude http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-38045742
Well, apart from that perhaps. I don't like keeping up with the gory side of life.
I hadn't seen anything about it till yesterday. Can't help feeling if it wasn't gay men being murdered the case might have got more attention "
That's what the last victims sister said on the news yesterday. Shocking catalogue of mistakes by the police. So much so they reported themselves to the IPCC. |
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For those saying "if you're old enough to fuck, then you're old enough to look after yourself", not everyone is like you.
I know someone (not from the swinging world, thank goodness!) who's incredibly naive for an adult. They have their own mental health issues, but there would be nothing to stop them joining Fab, and personal safety simply wouldn't occur to this individual.
They do regularly put themselves in risky and dangerous situations and their friends are constantly trying to warn her and help her be less trusting of people and more aware of their intentions.
There must be other people like this. I think that's where a more obvious warning of safety tips for meeting online would be useful. For people like this.
And as I've said, it's not about rules and enforcing them.
It's more about making the warning on the metaphorical pack of cigarettes bigger.
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"It's more about making the warning on the metaphorical pack of cigarettes bigger.
"
Yes and not everyone is like the aforementioned friend. If friends have little influence in preventing dangerous decisions being made, I fail to see how an enlarged warning will do so. People with negative intentions aren't going to think twice and quite often are adept at hiding any. I'll run with the cigarette packet analogy - if people choose to smoke them, they do. It's well documented and broadcast the health risks. If friends aren't able to have an influencing effect to stop that dangerous behaviour, a few words of warning aren't likely to affect it either. |
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By *amissCouple
over a year ago
chelmsford |
"Hate to say it, but I do think there's a need for fab to make explicit warnings and give advice about how to be safe - unless I'm totally missing it. I know it runs against the free-thinking each-to-their own ethos of swinging.
Why should fab have to produce explicit warnings? If you're old enough to fuck someone you meet through here, you should know how to be safe. It's up to people to judge what their particular brand of safe is. "
Oh, this |
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"Hate to say it, but I do think there's a need for fab to make explicit warnings and give advice about how to be safe - unless I'm totally missing it. I know it runs against the free-thinking each-to-their own ethos of swinging.
Fab already does give advise on how to stay safe, it's just that people don't read the FAQs that are offered.
What else do you expect fab to do?"
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By *MaleMan
over a year ago
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"Like anything, it depends on how people use it and the precautions that individuals take when meeting. But the news is currently busy with stories of rapes and murders of men and women committed with the help of internet dating websites. Are fabsters too aware to be at risk? I worry that there are some very vulnerable people on this site."
The media take a low percentage of crime and sensationalise make it sound like its a much larger % and common place on every street. Thats not to say dangers couldn't exist here or the deaths of low % of anyone from anywhere are acceptable.
The type of people ready/wanting to commit rape & murder will do so by whatever means at whatever opportunity. It could be a priv date with someone stranger or friend they've met offline just as much as it could be with someone they met online.
Be as savvy as you can offline and online. |
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By *ral DMan
over a year ago
Leicestershire |
I read the verifications, if it says "she was a mad bitch who met me at the door with a rag covered in chlorophorm in one hand and an axe in the other" i tend to give them sort of people a wide birth as is people who do not put up any pictures but demend you send them one before they will chat, thats just odd and rude! (But not rude in a good way)  |
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"Hate to say it, but I do think there's a need for fab to make explicit warnings and give advice about how to be safe - unless I'm totally missing it. I know it runs against the free-thinking each-to-their own ethos of swinging.
Why should fab have to produce explicit warnings? If you're old enough to fuck someone you meet through here, you should know how to be safe. It's up to people to judge what their particular brand of safe is. "
Yep |
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By *MaleMan
over a year ago
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"verifications, if it says "she was a mad bitch "
going on some incessant status updates and forever ranting some inadvertently spell out much before arrrggghhhh reality smacks their meet/s in the jaw  |
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"Probably as safe as any online setup. The key thing is being safe. Meet in a public place. Have people know where you are and that will check in on you.
If it seems unsafe don't take chances."
If anyone doesn't do this then they are mad |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't meet murderers, so I'm alright.
I always ask "are you a murderer?"
I'd say yes and think shouldn't have said that "
Probably would still meet you |
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"Probably as safe as any online setup. The key thing is being safe. Meet in a public place. Have people know where you are and that will check in on you.
If it seems unsafe don't take chances.
If anyone doesn't do this then they are mad "
Hmmm that explains thing's... |
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From bbc website:
The number of people reporting being raped on their first date with someone they met on a dating app has risen six-fold in five years, figures show.
There were 184 rape allegations in the UK in 2014, up from 33 in 2009, the National Crime Agency (NCA) said.
There was some evidence of coercion and persuasion being used by offenders to encourage, often reluctant, victims to meet sooner than they would like.
I struggle to understand why people are so against an effort to make people more aware of the dangers. Yes, of course the majority of people on fab are sensible and aware, but there are people who dont always consider the risk or who are coerced into meeting. Not everyone is secure in their sexuality or has a network of friends. A gentle reminder to be aware is surely a good thing? A sign of a strong community in which we support each other. Anyway, I'll get back into my box. |
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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago
Hereford |
"From bbc website:
The number of people reporting being raped on their first date with someone they met on a dating app has risen six-fold in five years, figures show.
There were 184 rape allegations in the UK in 2014, up from 33 in 2009, the National Crime Agency (NCA) said.
There was some evidence of coercion and persuasion being used by offenders to encourage, often reluctant, victims to meet sooner than they would like.
I struggle to understand why people are so against an effort to make people more aware of the dangers. Yes, of course the majority of people on fab are sensible and aware, but there are people who dont always consider the risk or who are coerced into meeting. Not everyone is secure in their sexuality or has a network of friends. A gentle reminder to be aware is surely a good thing? A sign of a strong community in which we support each other. Anyway, I'll get back into my box. "
As I once said to a prospective meet: "You'll notice that at least some of my veris have logged on since we met, so they can't all be buried under my patio".... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"From bbc website:
The number of people reporting being raped on their first date with someone they met on a dating app has risen six-fold in five years, figures show.
There were 184 rape allegations in the UK in 2014, up from 33 in 2009, the National Crime Agency (NCA) said.
There was some evidence of coercion and persuasion being used by offenders to encourage, often reluctant, victims to meet sooner than they would like.
I struggle to understand why people are so against an effort to make people more aware of the dangers. Yes, of course the majority of people on fab are sensible and aware, but there are people who dont always consider the risk or who are coerced into meeting. Not everyone is secure in their sexuality or has a network of friends. A gentle reminder to be aware is surely a good thing? A sign of a strong community in which we support each other. Anyway, I'll get back into my box. "
fully agree but u have to realise some of the sites mentioned have multiples of hundreds if not thousands of Users compared to this site... the odds here are in you favour not to be murdered... if that's any consolation lol |
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Fabs like any sex site the same rules apply. Always speak to the person before you meet. Trust your judgement to if you can't click with them on the phone don't meet them.
If it's a hotel meet get the room number then after you hang up. Ring the hotel ask to get put through to that room and see if same person answers.
Never meet anyone that you suspect is either d*unk or on drugs. You don't know how they will react if you say no.
Ask any working girl mugging and rape the most common. Most of the suspects in these cases are not English.
Just be very careful and smart.
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