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Tips on moving on?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Ok so this thread will probably kill off any hope of any fab meets in the future... And I'm sorry for whining and sharing personal details..
But I've recently come out of an unloving and unhappy relationship. I know we're both better off without each other. So why can't I stop myself from missing him and how can I move on? Im angry with myself for even thinking like this  |
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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago
Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else |
Give it time. It doesn't matter how right your head knows splitting up to be, emotionally you still remember when it was good...and that needs to be grieved for (for want of a better word).
I'd still social you.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Give it time. It doesn't matter how right your head knows splitting up to be, emotionally you still remember when it was good...and that needs to be grieved for (for want of a better word).
I'd still social you. "
Yea I guess that makes sense I just want to move on and learn from it  and thanks  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would say the feeling is natural, once you are close with someone for a period of time the connection won't just go away. Whether the relationship is going bad or not you are essentially loosing your other half, makes you kind of feel incomplete  . This might just be my opinion though, others might feel different. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Time, basically.
Makes sense although admittedly I was hoping there'd be some sort of magic-wand-type quick fix "
Jimi is right. Although a "wand" can help too....  |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Ok so this thread will probably kill off any hope of any fab meets in the future... And I'm sorry for whining and sharing personal details..
But I've recently come out of an unloving and unhappy relationship. I know we're both better off without each other. So why can't I stop myself from missing him and how can I move on? Im angry with myself for even thinking like this "
I know it's easier said than done, and may even sound like a cop out answer, but time is a great healer. There's nothing wrong with grieving for a lost relationship, no matter how unhappy it was, but try and think of the positives that you now have. You're young yet and your life is ahead of you, you're single and as such able to do what you want, when you want
Know that sounds like a load of claptrap probably but it's true.
Am sure it'll work out for you and with pics like yours I wouldn't worry about getting any fab meets at all |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Time, basically.
Makes sense although admittedly I was hoping there'd be some sort of magic-wand-type quick fix
Jimi is right. Although a "wand" can help too.... "
This is true |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I would say the feeling is natural, once you are close with someone for a period of time the connection won't just go away. Whether the relationship is going bad or not you are essentially loosing your other half, makes you kind of feel incomplete . This might just be my opinion though, others might feel different."
No that does make sense.. I got kind of used to having someone to support and despite all the flaws in the relationship I guess I still care and worry. Its strange not having anyone that depends on me too  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sometimes moving on rituals helps. Like creating something with the good memories collected together - a collage - celebrate with a glass of wine..
Then writing all the reasons why it was good to end it. The burn that paper, cry if it helps
The ritual can often symbolically mark the end. It's like a wake to celebrate the good and to mourn the loss of the relationship |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Ok so this thread will probably kill off any hope of any fab meets in the future... And I'm sorry for whining and sharing personal details..
But I've recently come out of an unloving and unhappy relationship. I know we're both better off without each other. So why can't I stop myself from missing him and how can I move on? Im angry with myself for even thinking like this
I know it's easier said than done, and may even sound like a cop out answer, but time is a great healer. There's nothing wrong with grieving for a lost relationship, no matter how unhappy it was, but try and think of the positives that you now have. You're young yet and your life is ahead of you, you're single and as such able to do what you want, when you want
Know that sounds like a load of claptrap probably but it's true.
Am sure it'll work out for you and with pics like yours I wouldn't worry about getting any fab meets at all"
Thank you I think focusing on the positives will help massively I've sort of buried my head in the sand with it but now im starting to think about it and its finally sinking in. I guess I need time to adjust  and thank you your photos are awesome too  |
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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
id suggest actually identifying the things you miss and then realising you can get those things somewhere else.
objectifying things like that helps and doing really nice things for yourself..and dont waste your life my lovely..just start a new adventure for identifying the things you now want for yourself, this focus helps when you wobble xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Erase everything that reminds you of that person from your life so your never spurred to think about them. ( Gtanted some things can be hard haha! )
Failing that I'd focus on the thing that was making me think of them and work on that? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sometimes moving on rituals helps. Like creating something with the good memories collected together - a collage - celebrate with a glass of wine..
Then writing all the reasons why it was good to end it. The burn that paper, cry if it helps
The ritual can often symbolically mark the end. It's like a wake to celebrate the good and to mourn the loss of the relationship"
You know id never thought of that. The list of reasons for it ending sounds like quite a good idea actually I think itd help me focus and stay strong. Thank you x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Take time to catch your breath. Don't be too hard on yourself as you probably invested a lot of time and effort in your relationship.
I'm sure you'll hear it many times, but time is a good healer. They say the emotions people go through after the breakdown of a relationship are similar to the death of a loved one. I can tell you from experience,it took me over four years to heal after the breakdown of my marriage, even though it was my choice to leave as it wasn't a healthy relationships.
Take care OP, hope you feel better soon.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd agree with the other posters that time helps and it is a grieving process. I'm 15 months in and now having to sell the family home and everything I've worked for. You'll have good days and bad days, try and avoid filling the gap of having someone around by starting a relationship that's not right. Also enjoy the you time and think of things you've wanted to do.
Good luck. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thank you for all of the advice I think you've all pretty much covered it. I'm going to keep busy and surround myself with friends and family. And stay focused on the fact that this is what's right for us both.
Apologies again for the 'downer' thread. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A bit of rebound sex whilst not being the complete solution will help to take your mind off things, especially if it's good.
Don't let yourself dwell too much, get back out there. Time can be a healer but don't make the mistake of leaving it just to time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok so this thread will probably kill off any hope of any fab meets in the future... And I'm sorry for whining and sharing personal details..
But I've recently come out of an unloving and unhappy relationship. I know we're both better off without each other. So why can't I stop myself from missing him and how can I move on? Im angry with myself for even thinking like this "
Because u keep thinking of all the good times the warmth, the security. Let me put it this way: everytime u feel like u miss him think of all the reasons u were unhappy together all his habits that drove u up the wall, all the things that made u end it. Were they rational reasons? Were they justified? If the answer is yes then u should think ure better off without each other and look towards Wat freedom of ur own destiny can be like.
Of course if uve been together fr 10 or more yrs then tats only natural just take ur time and eventually u will see y it was fr the best. Good luck and don't go trying to go back if it's not wats good fr u . X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok so this thread will probably kill off any hope of any fab meets in the future... And I'm sorry for whining and sharing personal details..
But I've recently come out of an unloving and unhappy relationship. I know we're both better off without each other. So why can't I stop myself from missing him and how can I move on? Im angry with myself for even thinking like this "
Don't be angry at yourself, it's only natural how you feel
For help in moving on keep yourself busy and your mind occupied, it will take time and you will be happier in time
Maybe meet new people at a social or something |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Time is the only thing that neautralises feelings completely. If he used to come to your home move shit around so nothing reminds you of being there together. Buy new bedding. I wouldn't think of all the good times now whilst it's still fresh, concentrate on the bad and have them going through your mind on a continuous loop, should help you get from the miss you stage to the I wanna put your balls in a blender stage pretty quick. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Best way to get over someone is to get under someone else
Terrible advice. That's the mindset of a 17 year old girl.
I actually agree  "
Best way to carry all the shit from the last guy onto the next guy and in doing so fuck that relationship up too!
I like where I am now, no messaging anyone, no nothing it's just calm! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Time, basically. "
This.
Change is always difficult to swallow as we're always naturally scared of the unsure.
Leaving something behind that's familiar is difficult, as we cling onto the good memories.
Go and make new memories, move forward and love/live your life.
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Having someone to be physical with helps, hugs touching, sex, u don't get that with a normal friend. Most women I've been with have cried and needed hugs and care.
Also your pretty and have a virgina, so u will be able to attract men.
Also school of life on youtube might help. |
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Right girly.
Time. Yes, boring old time.
Time to find yourself again.
Time to remember what it's like to do things for you.
Time to feel amazing and happy and wake up feeling like you can take on the world.
Be with friends
Be alone
Be what ever your want to be. (Sing bugsy Malone to that )
Dance drink and enjoy it.
Be a butterfly.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sometimes moving on rituals helps. Like creating something with the good memories collected together - a collage - celebrate with a glass of wine..
Then writing all the reasons why it was good to end it. The burn that paper, cry if it helps
The ritual can often symbolically mark the end. It's like a wake to celebrate the good and to mourn the loss of the relationship"
They did that in an episode of Friends- the girls burned all things that reminded them of an ex and nearly burned the apartment down! On the plus side, they had some very hunky firemen come to the rescue! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Right girly.
Time. Yes, boring old time.
Time to find yourself again.
Time to remember what it's like to do things for you.
Time to feel amazing and happy and wake up feeling like you can take on the world.
Be with friends
Be alone
Be what ever your want to be. (Sing bugsy Malone to that )
Dance drink and enjoy it.
Be a butterfly.
"
And this |
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"Fuck the pain away "
why do some of you guys say this? Ffs
The last thing we actually want to do when coming out of a long shit relationship, where our confidence has no doubt taken a bashing is to out and fuck anything that moves.
Girl. If you want a shag, hook up with a past meet. They'll know what you need and how to get your rocks off. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Fuck the pain away
why do some of you guys say this? Ffs
The last thing we actually want to do when coming out of a long shit relationship, where our confidence has no doubt taken a bashing is to out and fuck anything that moves.
Girl. If you want a shag, hook up with a past meet. They'll know what you need and how to get your rocks off. "
Talking from past experience it work for me. Calm down |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Only way to get over someone is to stop pining for them and learn to love yourself and appreciate who you are as an individual and break the old habit.
If you was with him for long then you'll have set ways of what happened and when so you need to break them. Once you've broken the old habits you'll move on quicker.
I take it in reality your just missing someone being there for you. Someone to curl up next to ect...
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Time, friends, talking about things other than him. Girly nights in.
A trip to Stoke
...via Stone "
and via Cheltenham love to put the smile back on your face |
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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago
in the eye of the storm |
"Ok so this thread will probably kill off any hope of any fab meets in the future... And I'm sorry for whining and sharing personal details..
But I've recently come out of an unloving and unhappy relationship. I know we're both better off without each other. So why can't I stop myself from missing him and how can I move on? Im angry with myself for even thinking like this "
The truth is the experience is now part of you so you will never get over it in the sense that it hasn't change you as a human being .
So I suggest you take Suzy advice look at the positive and use them to guide you in your future relationship instead of letting the negative be your sword and shield .
As for those who say best way to get over a man is get under another don't listen to that cat trap because one night stands don't help with the process of moving on the just complicate adding more emotion to your already emotional and fragile state .
Your best bet is to stay away from more emotion until you have identified what you miss from the relationship and then set about getting that what you need to function normally .
Don't fall into the trap of trying to replace one emotion with another would be my advice until you have a understanding of the first emotion lots of people take that route lots of the advice in here hints at taking that route .which is what a lot of the posts in here are trying to suggest you do replace one emotion with another your young don't make that mistake all the answers to your own happiness don't lay in replacing one emotion with another or in the lay arms of others they lay in you knowing your own emotions what causes them only by knowing your own heart first and foremost can you process emotion take the good from those emotion and then become strong enough to deal with the reality of life relationship past and future .ones . The kind of human who can deal with complicated emotions instead of the kind of human who runs from such emotions replacing them with frivolous emotions base around possessions meaningless sex all designed to cover up deeper more scary emotions |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Watch this x I don't know if it's bollocks, I don't know if it works, I don't even know if I agree, but it struck a chord with me x
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3fIZuW9P_M |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok so this thread will probably kill off any hope of any fab meets in the future... And I'm sorry for whining and sharing personal details..
But I've recently come out of an unloving and unhappy relationship. I know we're both better off without each other. So why can't I stop myself from missing him and how can I move on? Im angry with myself for even thinking like this "
because you had something special at one time and you want that feeling again. Think everyone has/still feels that about someone and its confusing that you know you dont want them but still crave them. i still have that 4 years afterwards. she was bad news but my heart still aches if i think of her. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok so this thread will probably kill off any hope of any fab meets in the future... And I'm sorry for whining and sharing personal details..
But I've recently come out of an unloving and unhappy relationship. I know we're both better off without each other. So why can't I stop myself from missing him and how can I move on? Im angry with myself for even thinking like this "
Ahh I'm so sorry to hear that!
Firstly, don't be so hard on yourself. It's normal and natural to feel like you do. Grief is a pretty awful emotion.
I recommend lots of talking and patience. Have you got a good support network? |
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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
"Ok so this thread will probably kill off any hope of any fab meets in the future... And I'm sorry for whining and sharing personal details..
But I've recently come out of an unloving and unhappy relationship. I know we're both better off without each other. So why can't I stop myself from missing him and how can I move on? Im angry with myself for even thinking like this "
Don't go out and get smashed with booze - that's a bad idea  |
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Maybe if you were angry and frustrated by your ex you can channel those feelings into getting over him and get some enthusiasm for a better more fulfilling future without him good luck .. give it time and consideration xx  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's hard and if it's only recent then it'll take a while. While photos may be a good memory, it is best not to look at them or just delete them.If you had mutual friends then it is best not to talk to them in a way to find out about him. If you have him on Facebook or find yourself checking him then I'd suggest blocking him, same with his number. To get over someone you need to do things to stop bringing the memories of him back, because whilst it may feel nice at the time it'll just end up making you hurt even more. I thin you also need to understand why it ended and whatever that reason was you need to come to terms with it, instead of beating yourself up about it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's hard and if it's only recent then it'll take a while. While photos may be a good memory, it is best not to look at them or just delete them.If you had mutual friends then it is best not to talk to them in a way to find out about him. If you have him on Facebook or find yourself checking him then I'd suggest blocking him, same with his number. To get over someone you need to do things to stop bringing the memories of him back, because whilst it may feel nice at the time it'll just end up making you hurt even more. I thin you also need to understand why it ended and whatever that reason was you need to come to terms with it, instead of beating yourself up about it."
Totally this... Don't get tempted to check his social media pages either. You'll never see anything that makes you feel good. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok so this thread will probably kill off any hope of any fab meets in the future... And I'm sorry for whining and sharing personal details..
But I've recently come out of an unloving and unhappy relationship. I know we're both better off without each other. So why can't I stop myself from missing him and how can I move on? Im angry with myself for even thinking like this "
I'm going through a similar thing hun, everyone is telling me time too, it sucks, a quick fix would be great, just no idea what, hugs |
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Have been here myself and it is shit. 18 months on and I'm paying of still £15000 worth of loans.
Took me months to realise she was poison. Even when we split up I wanted her back because it's what I was used to. Even though I kipped on the sofa.
Chin up! Have fun, and see for yourself that there are people out there who will care for you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok so this thread will probably kill off any hope of any fab meets in the future... And I'm sorry for whining and sharing personal details..
But I've recently come out of an unloving and unhappy relationship. I know we're both better off without each other. So why can't I stop myself from missing him and how can I move on? Im angry with myself for even thinking like this "
A little bit of laceyandsam
Seriously, it will get easier. Stick with it xx |
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"Ok so this thread will probably kill off any hope of any fab meets in the future... And I'm sorry for whining and sharing personal details..
But I've recently come out of an unloving and unhappy relationship. I know we're both better off without each other. So why can't I stop myself from missing him and how can I move on? Im angry with myself for even thinking like this "
As most of the other replies have said just give it some time... Your pictures look gorgeous so i have absolutely no doubt that youll find someone else.. Enjoy life, have fun... remember life is short so make the most of what you can, when you can xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was with my ex husband for 15 years so bare this in mind when I say this.
It took me a good year to get myself back to 'normal', sure I joined fab within that year but ultimately that is what helped me become me again and without fan I wouldn't have the love of my life! (What I'm trying to say is, find a hobby it might take your mind off it)
G x |
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It may seem corny but actually writing things down can sometimes help.
It allows you to see what was good and (be totally honest ) the negative things.
You can then begin in time to realise that the good stuff isn't is available in other ways/people and the negative. ... well would you really want a relationship that has those things?
Unfortunately I understand all too well the want of a quick fix but it is about time. Clearing the rise coloured specs and being brutally honest about the relationship.
You are a beautiful lady with lovely photos and I agree a cwutch is awesome xx
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Time is a great healer. In an ideal world it would be great after a split that we could just switch off our emotions from that person and move on, but we can't just suddenly do that.
I split with my ex over a year and I still find it hard not to think about him. I think a little part of him will always be there in my heart and head because I really did love him. But it will get easier with time |
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They do day time is a great healer, and that's true.
It's the interim we have to struggle with
Try to remember the good things, not dwell on the bad, look forward to the future without forgetting the past.
Don't throw yourself into a new lifestyle, but do try out new things.
As Mrs SB would say. ....
Fancy a fuck ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sometimes moving on rituals helps. Like creating something with the good memories collected together - a collage - celebrate with a glass of wine..
Then writing all the reasons why it was good to end it. The burn that paper, cry if it helps
The ritual can often symbolically mark the end. It's like a wake to celebrate the good and to mourn the loss of the relationship
They did that in an episode of Friends- the girls burned all things that reminded them of an ex and nearly burned the apartment down! On the plus side, they had some very hunky firemen come to the rescue! "
Null point for originality then |
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Well I disagree with the majority it seems, because whilst I agree only time will heal, I find the excitement of someone new is the perfect distraction!
That does not need to be another relationship - nothing better when you are hurting than curling up with a good fb/fwb after some great sex and swapping news on your respective love lives, giving each other advice and empathy and cuddles!!
Fabs is a great place to find suppportive friends in between relationships, and you are so young and so pretty I have no doubt you'll find another the moment you're ready anyway! |
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Don't rush into a new relationship, I've said it before that I think jumping from relationship to relationship is unhealthy and an innocent person may get hurt as a result..take time to discover who you are....it's a long journey. My relationship and break up was a total mind fuck and I never want to experience that again..
I know I deserve better but I can't help feeling slightly worthless (deep down I know I'm not) and treated like a bit of rubbish.
I really hope you feel better soon though but as people say it takes time |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I find myself in the same situation. The only thing to do is to keep going. Don't wallow. Don't go back.
I failed #2 temporarily but we have 15 years, child and dogs to bind us.
If I can offer an ear you know where to find me. |
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"I find myself in the same situation. The only thing to do is to keep going. Don't wallow. Don't go back.
I failed #2 temporarily but we have 15 years, child and dogs to bind us.
If I can offer an ear you know where to find me. "
This |
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By *itSamCouple
over a year ago
Birmingham |
My split up was hard. I wanted her back and she did not want me. I thought she was the only one for me. She wanted me around so I could do the jobs and baby sit for a child that was not even mine while she went out with other guys and shagging around. That was not me so I did not hang around. I grumped about and got upset and ignored all the "it will get better" comments. I moved on and I have now found a life long partner and we will be together for life. I have zero feelings for the X on a positive side. I do however feel annoyed at myself for wanting it to work. It was obviously not working but at the time you do see it. Your heart takes over. Once time has passed and your heart and head have had a good conversation you realise that it was actually a good thing to get out if it was not working.
Sorry but it is just time. If you want it to be sorted quicker, do not do what I did and sit around feeling sorry and trying to work out how to make it work. Get out there, meet people and take away that small part of emptiness that has been left by the break up. Once that emptiness has been filled then it is easier to move on. x x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Oh wow, thank you all so much for your replies I will PM each of you save clogging up the thread lots of great advice and stories of similar situations.
Sending you all cwtches and kisses x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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l miss my ex too. She's the only person l ever loved. When it was good it was the easiest things on Earth but she we ended up at each other's throats.
One of the saddest parts is the snuffing out of potential roads of our lives. The death of a future not fulfilled.
We both still love each other. Who knows what will happen? |
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"Ok so this thread will probably kill off any hope of any fab meets in the future... And I'm sorry for whining and sharing personal details..
But I've recently come out of an unloving and unhappy relationship. I know we're both better off without each other. So why can't I stop myself from missing him and how can I move on? Im angry with myself for even thinking like this "
Find more things to do,especially at the times you would've been together. That's the worst thing when you split from a partner. Keep busy as you can |
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I don't know any of your personal routines but I think that you get used to "the way things are" and when they aren't like that any more you think about it.
With time "the way things are" changes and you will get used to it and not think about it, easing the pain. Until then I guess every time you walk into an empty house and are alone you will think about what you had.
All the best. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Time, friends, talking about things other than him. Girly nights in.
A trip to Stoke
This. But via Stafford "
May as well go via Birmingham too. I'll make you tea. |
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Hardest thing for me was not having the company any more after months and months of spending everyday with him.
For me a touch of loneliness has kicked in but I'm not desperate and won't just be with someone for the sake of wanting company.. |
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"Hardest thing for me was not having the company any more after months and months of spending everyday with him.
For me a touch of loneliness has kicked in but I'm not desperate and won't just be with someone for the sake of wanting company.."
I had 2 kids to keep in a routine whilst I was falling apart. I seriously think it took me the best part of 3 years to really bounce back. Even now I'm still not the person I was. Just don't turn to drink xxx
JG x |
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By *onhorMan
over a year ago
here |
"Ok so this thread will probably kill off any hope of any fab meets in the future... And I'm sorry for whining and sharing personal details..
But I've recently come out of an unloving and unhappy relationship. I know we're both better off without each other. So why can't I stop myself from missing him and how can I move on? Im angry with myself for even thinking like this "
Your feelings are normal.
Try to rationalise them like a few people above have said. And love yourself, find ways, old and new, of enjoying your time.
On a practical note give the headspace app a go and have a good sleep.
*hugs* |
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"Hardest thing for me was not having the company any more after months and months of spending everyday with him.
For me a touch of loneliness has kicked in but I'm not desperate and won't just be with someone for the sake of wanting company..
I had 2 kids to keep in a routine whilst I was falling apart. I seriously think it took me the best part of 3 years to really bounce back. Even now I'm still not the person I was. Just don't turn to drink xxx
JG x"
Vodka was my friend for a lot of weeks not so much now xx |
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"Hardest thing for me was not having the company any more after months and months of spending everyday with him.
For me a touch of loneliness has kicked in but I'm not desperate and won't just be with someone for the sake of wanting company..
I had 2 kids to keep in a routine whilst I was falling apart. I seriously think it took me the best part of 3 years to really bounce back. Even now I'm still not the person I was. Just don't turn to drink xxx
JG x
Vodka was my friend for a lot of weeks not so much now xx "
I was getting through 2 bottles of a wine a night
JG x |
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